Hearted Youtube comments on Whatifalthist (@WhatifAltHist) channel.
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Fun facts about An Lushan:
-He was the son of a sorceress and his name meant "war"
-He disobeyed his commander changing into a enemy army and got crushed
-He would've been executed for this but his superior liked him so the decision was given to the Emperor
-He met the Emperor and forgot to bow to his son and justified it saying he was a barbarian so he didnt know it any better
-The Emperor found this adorable
-He then bowed also to the Empress, which confused the Emperor
-He said it was because barbarians kneeled to mom before dad, which the Emperor also found adorable
-In fact the Emperor liked him so much that instead of executing him he adopted him and married him to his daughter
-When the Emperor died An Lushan thought his "brother" the prince who's now the new Emperor would execute him for the one time he forgot to bow to him
-The new Emperor actually wanted to make him his chancellor
-To do that the Emperor sent a eunuch to test his character to see if he was worthy being chancellor
-He bribed the Eunuch
-The new Emperor thought the eunuch was saying bullshit, killed him and sent another to test his adopted "brother" wholeheartedly believing his character
-He bribed the other eunuch too
-The Emperor then asked him to come to the capital so they could talk because surely those eunuchs were lying and he could make him his chancellor
-An Lushan panicked so badly he went to hide in his province not daring to leave his house and not going even to celebrations and burials where the Emperor would be
-The Emperor then appointed his rival who wanted him to answer for his bribery as chancellor, which he thought confirmed that the Emperor wanted to kill him
-He then led a army to siege the capital so he could capture the Emperor and make his "brother" be friends with him again once he executed his rival chancellor
-His rival used this as proof he wanted to usurp the throne all along and they had his whole family executed
-He understandably lost it when his family got executed so he tried to usurp the throne for real by proclaming his own dynasty
-He lost because the Sieg of Suiyang took too long giving time for the Tang to recover and was it's own level of mind-fuckery, just search the meme "strategic Tang Victory"
-He was killed by his own son who sent an assassin to stab him
-He was too fat to grab his sword or even move, also blind, so the assassin just akwardly stabbed him once and his organs popped out like a fart
- Did I say he was fat? I mean it, he apparently crushed a horse to death once with his ass trying to ride it
-Anyways his last words were "THERE'S A THIEF IN MY HOUSE" or "THIS IS A THIEVE FROM MY OWN HOUSEHOLD"
-The later is more likely meaning he knew it was his son who did it but the former is funnier because I like to imagine him thinking he was being randomly muggled
-After his death and defeat of his dynasty he actually received a traditional Tang burial given to a royal princ "ause they were more disappointed with him than anything else
-His post-death name given by the Emperor simply meant "unthinking" because of his recklessness, but I personally prefer to translate it as "stupid"
Seriously it was the stupidest war ever
Also it killed a higher percentage of the human population than any other conflict in history, roughly 1/6 of the global population in the highest estimates
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I had an ex-girlfriend, with whom I watched a TK documentary on Netflix. It was the first time I had ever been exposed to his ideas. Keep in mind, my ex was an over-medicated, hyper-sensitive, modern, romance book reading, tiktok brained, cat girl with little understanding of self-restraint. I remember, after watching the documentary, we sat on the couch and sipped wine while talking about the whole thing. I remember stating that I found his ideas wholly true and sound, while his methods were reprehensible. She was appalled. She stated, "but we are so much better off in modern times because all the advancements in technology allows us to be happier". I then asked her, "are you truly happy, though?" She didn't understand. It was then I realized that he was right about everything and my ex was a visible manifestation of all that he warned about, and she couldn't see through it at all. She will defend the system of her enslavement until the day she dies and believe that I'm the crazy one for believing otherwise.
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