Hearted Youtube comments on Whatifalthist (@WhatifAltHist) channel.

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  39. Fun facts about An Lushan: -He was the son of a sorceress and his name meant "war" -He disobeyed his commander changing into a enemy army and got crushed -He would've been executed for this but his superior liked him so the decision was given to the Emperor -He met the Emperor and forgot to bow to his son and justified it saying he was a barbarian so he didnt know it any better -The Emperor found this adorable -He then bowed also to the Empress, which confused the Emperor -He said it was because barbarians kneeled to mom before dad, which the Emperor also found adorable -In fact the Emperor liked him so much that instead of executing him he adopted him and married him to his daughter -When the Emperor died An Lushan thought his "brother" the prince who's now the new Emperor would execute him for the one time he forgot to bow to him -The new Emperor actually wanted to make him his chancellor -To do that the Emperor sent a eunuch to test his character to see if he was worthy being chancellor -He bribed the Eunuch -The new Emperor thought the eunuch was saying bullshit, killed him and sent another to test his adopted "brother" wholeheartedly believing his character -He bribed the other eunuch too -The Emperor then asked him to come to the capital so they could talk because surely those eunuchs were lying and he could make him his chancellor -An Lushan panicked so badly he went to hide in his province not daring to leave his house and not going even to celebrations and burials where the Emperor would be -The Emperor then appointed his rival who wanted him to answer for his bribery as chancellor, which he thought confirmed that the Emperor wanted to kill him -He then led a army to siege the capital so he could capture the Emperor and make his "brother" be friends with him again once he executed his rival chancellor -His rival used this as proof he wanted to usurp the throne all along and they had his whole family executed -He understandably lost it when his family got executed so he tried to usurp the throne for real by proclaming his own dynasty -He lost because the Sieg of Suiyang took too long giving time for the Tang to recover and was it's own level of mind-fuckery, just search the meme "strategic Tang Victory" -He was killed by his own son who sent an assassin to stab him -He was too fat to grab his sword or even move, also blind, so the assassin just akwardly stabbed him once and his organs popped out like a fart - Did I say he was fat? I mean it, he apparently crushed a horse to death once with his ass trying to ride it -Anyways his last words were "THERE'S A THIEF IN MY HOUSE" or "THIS IS A THIEVE FROM MY OWN HOUSEHOLD" -The later is more likely meaning he knew it was his son who did it but the former is funnier because I like to imagine him thinking he was being randomly muggled -After his death and defeat of his dynasty he actually received a traditional Tang burial given to a royal princ "ause they were more disappointed with him than anything else -His post-death name given by the Emperor simply meant "unthinking" because of his recklessness, but I personally prefer to translate it as "stupid" Seriously it was the stupidest war ever Also it killed a higher percentage of the human population than any other conflict in history, roughly 1/6 of the global population in the highest estimates
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