Youtube comments of Kevin Kennelly (@Kevin_Kennelly).

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  42. Drachisms of the Day 10:01 "The Royal Navy could trade beer and the Americans could trade ice-cream. Which was a massively equitable arrangement for both." 28:34 "trying to catalog all of those, we'd be here till the sun dies" (I felt the same way when I saw Drydock was 4+ hours long) 33:22 "What do you mean, 'Our ships fell completely apart in a typhoon.' That's dishonorable. Tell them to stop immediately." 59:03 "Don't you just love the weird confluence of technologies that was around in the 1910s?" 1:06:33 "She can theoretically make her top speed. If you fancy the experience of being a brick in a tumble-dryer." 1:19:05 "British battle-cruisers get a lot of stick, ummm and, for understandable reasons given that they seem to have a distressing habit of, um, scattering themselves actively to the four winds." 1:33:24 "It meant you EITHER angered the Atlantians, in which case Jason Momoa was about to come and rip you ship in half OR, perhaps more prosaically, you were approaching a rock, which might also rip your ship in half, only without the whole 'sucking you down into the Mystical Underwater Kingdom' part." 1:49:46 "Everyone's like 'Ah! Let us follow this man. He speaks in clear sentences'." 2:46:08 "The Russians and Ottomans fighting together. I suspect the next thing will be dogs and cats living toghter and somebody cracking open the Book of Revelations and noticing four horsemen riding across the skies. But never mind." 2:48:45 "I mean, after all, touching things with considerably longer than a ten-foot-pole didn't work out for the CSS Hunley, did it?" 2:52:58 "this kind of slightly eccentric hysteria kind of just ran away with them" 2:57:00 So that's a grand total of sixteen fleet carriers and, uh, another twenty eight smaller carriers, three french-hens and a partridge in a pear tree." 3:40:17 "a radar equipped Yamato wandering around, wondering what all the ice is about" 3:42:28 "Although, if you did name a carrier USS Congress, it might mean you could legitimately say that Congress was actually doing something for a change." 3:44:33 "His ears must be ringing a little bit." 4:06:16 "That was down to it's captain's seemingly pathological desire to ram everything in sight." 4:12:52 "the US keeps..sort of starts 'turret farming' the twelve inch gun" 4:18:21 "I was gonna put it at the end of this video, but, to be perfectly honest, the chances of the majority of you reaching this point are fairly slim."
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  47. Drachisms of the Day: 0:22 "Brought to you by the melted gelatinous puddle that used to be known as Drach." 4:01 "Quite how that would have worked out? Who knows? Probably better off that we don't find out." 11:13 "Oh? Germans? Really? Here? In a war??? Who'd have thought? Eww." 12:11 "Arc Royal can start sorting out Skuas, for what they're worth." 14:24 "Rather than just being a pinata for anything that comes along with a gun bigger than 6-inches." 18:11 "I'm sure Tom Cruise was very disappointed about that." 19:14 "As for who's armor was better. He he. Oh boy, isn't that a little can of worms to open up?" 29:26 "You might as well call them 'Washington Cherry Trees', for lack of a better term, because they really didn't come about that much." 32:40 "After Trafalgar, Napoleon had...well...more 'Russian-shaped' things to worry about (especially when it came to the winter)." 39:01 "Well, I imagine the Captain of a US warship going out onto the wing of his bridge, staring at the Normandy coast, bringing up a scroll, and then just going: "Dear Grid Coordinates, I no longer wish you to exist. Signed, The US Navy. Open fire." 40:51 "So, congratulations. You have constructed a battleship whos, I guess, Q-turrets only function is to blow away the rear-superstructure, when inevitably it rebels and declares it's independence from the rest of the ship." 42:45 "You don't want to deflect the torpedo DOWNWARDS into the lower portion of your ship. THIS IS A STUPID IDEA." 47:24 "Yeah...just 'no'. Um..they needed to go. I mean, there's a reasons the Chileans didn't accept them." 51:07 "I might as well start throwing rocks at the ungodly number of aircraft that the USN is going to throw at me later in the war. Which doesn't sound like a very fun idea to me AT ALL." 52:18 "So, kinda by default, you end up with the Italians. And, it's like, 'Well, OK, decent food!'" 55:38 "There's nothing really I can do to help the Japanese. They picked a fight with America, in America's own 'personal pond'. So, I guess I could make a 'white flag machine' for them. Might save a few lives."
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  56. Drachisms of the Day: 5:25 "Basically, roaming 'death squads' of British and American ships looking for things that haven't yet been exploded." 6:39 "And moving at such speed that U-Boats were just like, "Hmmm! I hear a ship coming. Up periscope." Zzmmmmmmmm. "AH! Oh well, back to looking for merchantmen. Never mind." 12:48 "I'd say, to a certain degree, they probably hated each other more than they hated some of the people they were fighting." 14:10 "There was almost a 'Klingon-level' of rivalry between officers within the same naval service." 30:07 "It's like saying "Well, yes. This person has the advantage in killing you if he runs you down with a 32-ton HGV, as compared to this person who is ONLY hitting you with a 7.5-ton moving van." I DOUBT you're really gonna appreciate the difference that much." 33:58 "And then N3 unleashed the torpedo salvo of 'complete unexpectedness'." 37:11 "You don't want a Spearfish or an ADCAP coming towards you, much less six. Umm...or worse if you have the misfortune to meet an angry Seawolf-class. But never mind." 39:15 "The British would probably have gone, "Hmmm. You declare for our enemies, do you? It's real pity you're using those Vickers 14-inch guns, isn't it? Ah well, I guess we have some spare 14-inch guns. Anyone buying?" 42:31 "Submarines submarines everywhere. And, oh dear, carrier-aircraft." 45:41 "On a battleship, it would be considered a medium weight AA weapon at best and 'Why the hell have you put this thing on our ship? Why can't we have something better?" 46:48 "You also have to consider things like 'inertia' and 'momentum'. Which are fairly related." (Newtonian snark) 50:55 "The answer tends to sound a bit 'waffley'". 54:10 "If you just did a straight swap...ahhh...the British would rip your hand off, in their efforts to shake it. And thank you from the highest-of-heavens for the absolute easy ride you've just given them." 54:53 "But that was because it was handed a weapon that was probably better at beating the enemy over the heads with physically in a boarding action, than actually firing at them." 55:13 "The phrase 'a little bit faster than the Bureau Of Ordnance' can be applied to many things including Competitive Snail Racing."
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  62. Drachisms of the Day: 3:50 "Eww, well. This one's a little bit of a doozie. Innit?" 15:26 "And before this entire episode turns into 'The Adventures of Admiral Drach, Royal Navy'." 19:02 "Once it gets going, it's gonna get going at a pretty sharp clip. And good luck stopping it." 26:58 "At the battle of..um..I have no idea how to pronounce this. The battle of Me Yong Gim Yang. Question mark?" 30:17 "And, as well the name suggests, this was a dispute in the early 1960s over...who should have the right to fish for lobsters. Well I suppose the UK got involved in the Cod War, so this is really not THAT much more absurd. Although there is the rather interesting premise of whether a lobster is a fish or not." 35:24 "The war started earlier than they expected, um, thanks to Germany's antics." 44:58 "Who do you believe are the seven most awful admirals, captains, commanders etc, thru naval history." (The second I heard this question I knew that I'd end up transcribing the entire answer. I'm not doing that. Enjoy listening for yourself. It's a hoot. Here are some samples.) 45.19 "Lest I start getting very angry and ranty again." 46.17 "How the heck do you end up in command of the second largest formation in the British Navy? Just 'How?'. And 'Why?'. 48.22 "You can kinda see how Napoleon wanted to replace him." 1:36:13 "I can't remember from my german-class how you pronounce that weird 'sb' shape in German. Anyway, sorry." 1:38:11 (exasperated resignation) "OK. Fine." 2:01:23 "More important codes that were broken, were broken by the Japanese Army. Who, of course, refused to tell the Navy about it."
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  71. Drachisms of the Day: 4:00 "And they (Parrot guns) did have a disturbing tendency of exploding. Which is not necessarily something you want in your rifled artillery if you value your life." 5:07 "They (Dahlgren guns) did not have the habit of exploding. Which is pretty much the entire reason Dahlgren invented them." 6:00 "Personally, I would almost go with the Dahlgren. But then that's mainly because I don't like 25 pounds of explosive blowing up a 12-ton cannon right next to me . Cause I like life!" 10:37 "Obviously the ends of the ships will then be hilariously vulnerable to gunfire. BUT...that's not exactly a new thing." 12:43 "Chances are all your completely unprotected life rafts and launches are probably in little, tiny, burning pieces all over your ship. At which point, they're not incredibly useful to you." 21:40 "And in America you've got Langley. For all the good that is." 25:41 "If the carrier forces negate each other, OH WELL, back to WW1 battle-line tactics then." 32:41 "The Swordfish was so hilariously obsolete that it kind of looped all the way around the circle and came back to being good again." 33:10 "Oh well. There's a hole. I guess we're down to STITCHING THINGS back together tonight." 40:02 "BUT...the words 'compensated for' are not necessarily the ones you want to have when you are dealing with your naval guns." 47:40 "Although to be fair, if you are reduced to the point of arming merchant-ships, you're probably less likely to be worried about the legal niceties of international politics." In regards to a 'Drachism of the Day T-Shirt'. My humble suggestion: No text. Just a photo/drawing. My candidates: a 25mm Japanese AA gun ...or...the mighty Nassau. One picture is worth a thousand words.
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  77. Drachisms of the Day: 16:00 "That's the first I've seen a battleship on Ebay." 28:54 "Which is full of torpedos and guns and shells and other kinds of explosive things which make the pyromaniac in me very happy."". 35:45 "They're just a little bit 'glass cannony'". 42:47 "Unlike an active sonar, which is where you hear the 'PIINNGG'". 45:43 "Because this is a 3-inch steel cable. There aren't that many sharks out there that are gonna gnaw that off." 46:07 "So it had to be a slightly different type of cable-cutter. One that effectively went "Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom." If you imagine a gigantic, underwater mouse or hamster that eats steel, you've got pretty much the right idea." 49:55 "The Conqueror was able to snip thru the cable, clamp it to it's side and make off with it with a low laugh." 50:20 "So perhaps the kleptomaniac tendencies of the British Armed Services were needed in this case." 55:35 "You ended up with a shell pattern that was ... ahhh...it would impress the Italians. On a BAD day of their shooting." 01:30:58 "And had a rather interesting habit of either not listening to them or not listening to them and then killing them. Because they obviously knew best." 01:32:24 "REALLY? You want me to pronounce that?" 01:38:10 "So you're not going to get the decisive leadership except possibly for orders to withdraw." 01:38:50 "It also has, apparently, divine protection from being hit." 01:51:25 "Which is a bit weird. But then the phrase "Well, that was a bit weird" and "Imperial Japanese Navy" get conflated an awful lot more than is common for most other navies when it comes to the Second World War." 02:04:27 "Pick your particular flavor of poison when it comes to that particular, um, treacherous pit of discussion." 02:18:32 "Oh boy. I need a drink now."
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  112. Drachisms of the Day (2/3): 12:34 "Well, I couldn't easily find a picture of the 'B-Bomb' for love-nor-money, sooo...HERE...have a picture of a 'Grand Slam' instead! Ah...(lowered voice) it's always good for a laugh. Anyway..for those of you who are unaware, the B-Bomb was a design of bomb, unsurprisingly enough. HaHa." 15:11 "Level bombing in, or dropping bombs from any significant height at any sort at the beginning of WW2, was NOT the world's most accurate endeavor." 18:19 "And then, at some point in WW2, they just dropped all subtlety and went with stuff like this...which was, yeah, you know, 'STUFF ACCURACY. We'll just hit the same post-code and you'll still be dead.' 20:27 "As opposed to the old black powder charges, which were: Fire guns. INSTANT smoke screen. Everyone might as well sit down and have a cup of tea because nobody can see what-the-heck is on either side of that cloud of smoke for a good five or six minutes." 27:19 "Imagine some kind of weird trimaran-IOWA maybe if they just..MAYBE IF THEY LITERALLY just took some industrial girders and strapped a couple of ATLANTAs to each side." 28:41 "In some ways, eh...BOTH of the answers actually are potentially answers to BOTH of the questions, in that aspect." 31:58 "Well if you want to break the Naval Treaty, you are effectively shooting your own economy in the head. Soo..have fun with that. (continue listening until) It was a simpler time back then." 33:28 "Everyone was horribly 'rules lawyering' the Washington Naval Treaty." 46:04 "DON'T PUT YOUR MAIN MAST RIGHT BEHIND THE FUNNEL. Stupid people. Anyway." 53:08 "Their ball-and-chain effect on the rest of the fleet is less." (I googled 'b bomb', 'bee bomb', etc. No luck. Your assistance is appreciated.)
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  167. In regards to U-Boats shelling the refinery on Aruba. I suggest "The U-Boat War in the Caribbean" by Gaylord Kelshall. The oil is in Venezuela (which you can see from Aruba). The refinery is on Aruba (I stood at the gates). The Brits, being clever empire-builders, did not want the Venezuelan's having full control of 'production of oil'. So they put the refinery out of their grasp. This necessitated a fleet of tankers to schelpp the crude between the two points. Venezuela has a shallow coastline. So the tankers were 'shallow bottom', custom-made, tankers. There were 10 of them in the fleet. Now for the fun part. The U-Boats sank one of the 10. Had Doenitz appreciated the situation, he should have gone after the other 9. Their sinking would have crippled the operation and denied Britain a large percentage of their 'empire oil'. One other bit from Kelshall's book. A U-Boat attacked a freighter in the Carib. They watched as the freighter-crew abandoned ship faster than they'd ever seen happen before. So fast that they left one of their shipmates aboard the sinking freighter. So the U-Boat pulled up and took the sailor on board. The sailor was very nervous...natural for a POW, the U-Boat commander assumed. It wasn't until the freighter sank below the waves that the truth came out. The freighter was hauling ammo. And it went BOOM. It almost sank the U-Boat. No word on how the POW was treated on his trip back to Germany. These experts are from memory. I apologize for inaccuracies. The book is OK. It does shed light on a neglected theater of war. I'd give it a half-hearted recommendation.
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  263. Drachisms of the Year. Vol 1 First Anniversary Edition. DotD commenced on 4/28/19. Here they are. All of them. But first, today's Drachisms. 1:25 "There's probably a point at which she was going down anyway and the rest of the bombs just kinda helped rearranged the rubble." 11:10 "But that's a lot better than finding yourself on the bottom of the ocean-floor unexpectedly." 23:11 "Yeah. Unfortunately, with the Japanese Navy it was usually a case of 'Roll 3D6' and, ah, well your gonna roll a 1 on at least one of those dice. Just hope you don't roll triple 1s." 25:02 "To be perfectly honest, being rescued by the Japanese Navy and take to a Japanese internment camp you might wish they'd left you to the sharks." 58:03 "The first thing the Japanese know, it's two o'clock in the morning, the buzz of Swordfish and Albacores and Barracudas, floating around and dropping torpedoes in places the Japanese would really rather they not be." 1:04:54 "And our lock down bonus question for the day..." 1:12:26 "Now I've gotta go off and start recording whatever monster the Patreon Drydock for next week's gonna turn into. Wish me luck." The previous DotD are all below. In descending date order. These older timestamps don't work with this video. The file's a bit too large to post here. I'll reply to this comment with the remaining Volumes. * * * 4/17/20 Drachisms of the Day 2:10 "The armor is eyyeh...eyyeh, maybe. Ahem, that's a whole other box of frogs to open up." * * * 4/10/20 Drachisms of the Day 15:58 "At which point it's the Battle Of The Falklands all over again. Just slightly different." 40:49 "Give anybody that's trying to visually spot you a minor seizure." * * * 4/4/20 Drachisms of the Day 13:34 "Yeah, I think the Germans would have loved to be in a position where they could casually fling 55-gallon drums of burning fuel at people." 24:28 "For the other roles, I could go on all day." (and he does) 1:08:36 "I've built and painted a scale model replica of the HMS Hood so I can point at it with sticks." 1:28:54 "Obviously it was an ammunition problem in the end, because the magazines went BOOM." 1:37:24 "Vanguard would be reaping quite the kill-talley, methinks." (he mentions 'Argentiniam vs Argentine' 3 times. the concern implies respect) * * * 3/28/20 Drachisms of the Day 23:38 "And the Germans, especially when it came to the Admiral Hipper class, went 'I know. We shall take our little, overly-complex hodge-podge and we will run it at a THOUSAND psi. That'll end well.' Yeah, I can hear the trans-Atlantic head-desking. Trust me, I can." 27:34 "Fuel goes in here. Water goes in here. Steam goes out here. Connect it up. Wheee! Happy Days!" * * * 3/14/20 Drachisms of the Day 14:54 "I don't know what you did to the English language, Americans. But I..I..I give up." 17:25: "If you think Peral Harbor was bad, watch what happens when the twin-engine bombers get in on the act as well." 21:42 "Reality doesn't have to make sense. Fiction has to follow rules." 29:05 "And there's a whole lot of complicated equations that go into that. So, again, because I don't want to spend the rest of the DryDock talking about the hydrodynamic principals of hull-design, umm, just take my word for it." 31:50 "It will be cool and fine for about the next five minutes and then it will end in blood, tears, explosions and wreckage over the water. So yeah, maybe leak those plans to your enemy first." * * * 3/7 Drachisms of the Day 4:40 "The Japanese shells at least had the decency to explode most of the time." 9:48 (on landing craft) "And if there's one thing you probably don't want to take up to a beach, it's a high pressure steam engine system." * * * 2/22/20 Drachisms of the Day 23:04 "They were unable to fight the fire despite the fact that the ship was moored alongside the dock and, well obviously, is in an infinite supply of water." 24:21 "Which was probably a bad idea to start with, but...yeah, 'and then it got worse'." 24:4 "Yeah, clap clap clap. All stand up for that one. I wonder who's getting sent to gulag today?" 27:24 "and generally turning it into a fast-moving cloud of chaff" * * * 2/15/20 Drachisms of the Day 5:56 "I suppose if they want to name a support ship "HMS Beaty" I can allow that. It might do something useful for a change." 20:08 "Yeah when splinters are scutting all around the ship that is gonna be a very bad time to be a shin." 28:46 "I mean, if your gonna spend this kind of stupid-money, you might as well throw a couple of extra billion in there. Um, for fun. If nothing else." 37:12 (on wargaming) "You're one side. You're the other side. These are your objectives. Um, basically, go out and do what you would actually do, with the exception of the whole actual 'blowing up' part." 41:43 "Admiral Tiberius asks a question that is so glorious that it really must be read in it's entirety." (the answer includes 'congressional-grizzly-bears' and a 'very big sofa') 56:27 "Oh! OK. I see what you're doing there. Good luck. Ahhm, this should be fun to watch." * * * 2/8/20 Drachisms of the Day 13:34 "a one-sided curb-stomp" 18:27 "Ah yes, the Albacore. One of life's great failures." 35:29 "It was a serious, serious tactical error on he British part that they didn't flatten the invasion of Norway in pretty miuch the same manner that a steam roller would go after a small bag of crisps that had been pinned onto the road." 38:13 "They would have beaten it, crushed it to a fine powder, collected the powder, and put it in a box to sooth the itching later on." 58:58 "And then you have the more prosaic enforced forms of retirement, that usually come in the shape of 32-pound cannon balls traveling at high-velocity. Ahm, which are not very popular with the person who was forcibly retired by said cannon-ball." * * * 2/1/20 Drachisms of the Day 10:01 "The Royal Navy could trade beer and the Americans could trade ice-cream. Which was a massively equitable arrangement for both." 33:22 "What do you mean, 'Our ships fell completely apart in a typhoon.' That's dishonorable. Tell them to stop immediately." 59:03 "Don't you just love the weird confluence of technologies that was around in the 1910s?" 1:06:33 "She can theoretically make her top speed. If you fancy the experience of being a brick in a tumble-dryer." 1:19:05 "British battle-cruisers get a lot of stick, ummm and, for understandable reasons given that they seem to have a distressing habit of, um, scattering themselves actively to the four winds." 1:33:24 "It meant you EITHER angered the Atlantians, in which case Jason Momoa was about to come and rip you ship in half OR, perhaps more prosaically, you were approaching a rock, which might also rip your ship in half, only without the whole 'sucking you down into the Mystical Underwater Kingdom' part." 1:49:46 "Everyone's like 'Ah! Let us follow this man. He speaks in clear sentences'." 2:46:08 "The Russians and Ottomans fighting together. I suspect the next thing will be dogs and cats living togehter and somebody cracking open the Book of Revelations and noticing four horsemen riding across the skies. But never mind." 2:48:45 "I mean, after all, touching things with considerably longer than a ten-foot-pole didn't work out for the CSS Hunley, did it?" 2:52:58 "this kind of slightly eccentric hysteria kind of just ran away with them" 2:57:00 So that's a grand total of sixteen fleet carriers and, uh, another twenty eight smaller carriers, three french-hens and a partridge in a pear tree." 3:40:17 "a radar equipped Yamato wandering around, wondering what all the ice is about" 3:42:28 "Although, if you did name a carrier USS Congress, it might mean you could legitimately say that Congress was actually doing something for a change." 3:44:33 "His ears must be ringing a little bit." 4:06:16 "That was down to it's captain's seemingly pathological desire to ram everything in sight." 4:12:52 "the US keeps..sort of starts 'turret farming' the twelve inch gun" 4:18:21 "I was gonna put it at the end of this video, but, to be perfectly honest, the chances of the majority of you reaching this point far are fairly slim."
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  345. Drachisms of the Year Vol 2 1/25/20 Drachisms of the Day 15:06 "yet it did practically nothing other than roll over and sink" 21:21 "All Galena really did was to provide an oppourtunity for some Confederate gunners to up their kill-count. So yeah, cancel that thing. Bit of an embarrassment, really." 29:24 "Much as I hate to say it, noone was going to be particularly terrified of the Phillipine Navy." 34:14 "Nobody is going to be particularly distressed if your plate isn't perfectly circular. Unless you've got really crippling OCD." 35:42 "Now, I don't know about you, but two kilos of explosive is a fair bit of BOOM." 41:37 "You can't run. You can't hide. Big Daddy Lexington's coming to fiiinnd you." * * * 1-22/20 "Previously, the text-to-speach was damning the Swedish language for tying it up in pretzels trying to pronounce the word "Sverige" correctly. Now I'm speaking in English, I have a microphone, I can mess it up in all sorts of new and interesting ways. Anyway." * * * 1-11/20 Drachisms of the Day: 1:36 "not particularly badger-like to my estimation" 28:57 "If, by any chance, there's a human behavioral psychologist or two listening to this maybe you can chime in as to whether this theory has, or ever had, any particular weight, um, and we'll see where I go from there." 31:55 "Carriers generally have a fairly enlightened bit of self-interest in staying away from shipping as well." 32:55 "Was in line with the three British battleships, forming a somewhat incongrous battle-line." 34:11 (with pride) And, ironically enough, technically won." 34:44 "There was nothing in it's design...that was completely impossible to do." 43:39 "So this particular little interception scenario greatly depends on what the Japanese actually bring to the party." 47:07 "In regards as to what happened to Mutsu ... well, it went BOOM." 47:56 "The report that was issued at the time officially blamed a disgruntled crewman who had been accused of theft and may have decided to do the ultimate hara-kiri." 50:48 "A bit of note-paper that says 'Build something bigger, better and faster than whatever the French have just built.'" 58:16 "There's also a little bit of ramming. And a few of the British ships are lost. Umm. But, by and large, that may come as little shock to people." * * * 1/4/20 Drachisms of the Day: 0:53 "Greetings people of the future. Tell me of your strange and mysterious ways." 8:59 "And of course you've got the fact that this would almost certainly being done by the Soviet Union, in an era where their maintenance budget for the Red Fleet was two bits of black bread and a bowl of stroganoff." * * * 12/21/19 Drachisms of the Day: 21:53 "They were deliberately going out and colonizing areas, but it was not for imperial acquisition purposes, it was more for, well, either offloading weird religious fanatics..." 38:01 "Or, in some of the German cases, you ended up with ships that sincerely wished to identify as U-boats and would do everything in their power to join the U-boat corp, eh, whenever the waves looked to be more than a few inches high." 47:51 (conspiratorialy) "And, I may or may-not have quietly sneaked into a couple history-course lectures without telling anybody that I wasn't actually on the course while I was at university. Um, but we shall say no more about that." 49:07 "Which again, they got very familiar with me." (no judgement) 54:13 "The idea of your own ship basically committing suicide by running up to full speed is not something that you want to take lightly." 57:32 "At the end of the day, nothing quite beats taking a big slab of metal downrange and then blasting away with naval artillery." * * * 12/14/19 8:48 "Short of a Death Star laser, or something, Germany wasn't going to be winning WW2." 9:26 "Luke Dogwalker asks..." * * * 12/11/19 Encrypted Drachism of the Day: 53:14 "JNER SDIF GHWE BORS DDFL XKIQ ISKE DPEJ BDRT KWQI GJCM NWTY VYIS SZPE DEFL KWTE TOWS, ZIFE AEIW DEIB HUXC ICNR WRMD IWDF WPIN MPET DAIC CUNJ NARF" (decrypted) 53:14 "And, if you've particularly enjoyed the nice warm feeling of your brain melting out of your ears, in a desperate attempt to flee from what you are trying to do to it" * * * 12/7/19 Drachisms of the Day: 3:50 "Eww, well. This one's a little bit of a doozie. Innit?" 15:26 "And before this entire episode turns into 'The Adventures of Admiral Drach, Royal Navy'." 19:02 "Once it gets going, it's gonna get going at a pretty sharp clip. And good luck stopping it." 26:58 "At the battle of..um..I have no idea how to pronounce this. The battle of Me Yong Gim Yang. Question mark?" 30:17 "And, as well the name suggests, this was a dispute in the early 1960s over...who should have the right to fish for lobsters. Well I suppose the UK got involved in the Cod War, so this is really not THAT much more absurd. Although there is the rather insteresting premise of wether a lobster is a fish or not." 35:24 "The war started earlier than they expected, um, thanks to Germany's antics." 44:58 "Who do you believe are the seven most awful adminrals, captains, commanders etc, thru naval history." (The second I heard this question I knew that I'd end up transcribing the entire anwser. I'm not doing that. Enjoy listening. It's a hoot.) 45.19 "Lest I start getting very angry and ranty again." 46.17 "How the heck do you end up in command of the second largest formation in the British Navy? Just 'How?'. And 'Why?'. 48.22 "You can kinda see how Napoleon wanted to replace him." 1:36:13 "I can't remember from my german-class how you pronounce that weird 'sb' shape in German. Anyway, sorry." 1:38:11 (exhasperated resignation) "OK. Fine." 2:01:13 "More important codes that were broken, were broken by the Japanese Army. Who, of course, refused to tell the Navy about it."
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  424. Drachisms of the Year Vol 6 8/7/19 Drachisms of the Day: 16:00 "That's the first I've seen a battleship on Ebay." 28:54 "Which is full of torpedos and guns and shells and other kinds of explosive things which make the pyromaniac in me very happy."". 35:45 "They're just a little bit 'glass cannony'". 42:47 "Unlike an active sonar, which is where you hear the 'PIINNGG'". 45:43 "Because this is a 3-inch steel cable. There aren't that many sharks out there that are gonna gnaw that off." 46:07 "So it had to be a slightly different type of cable-cutter. One that effectively went "Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom." If you imagine a gigantic, underwater mouse or hamster that eats steel, you've got pretty much the right idea." 49:55 "The Conqueror was able to snip thru the cable, clamp it to it's side and make off with it with a low laugh." 50:20 "So perhaps the kleptomaniac tendencies of the British Armed Services were needed in this case." 55:35 "You ended up with a shell pattern that was ... ahhh...it would impress the Italians. On a BAD day of their shooting." 01:30:58 "And had a rather interesting habit of either not listening to them or not listening to them and then killing them. Because they obviously knew best." 01:32:24 "REALLY? You want me to pronounce that?" 01:38:10 "So you're not going to get the decisive leadership except possibly for orders to withdraw." 01:38:50 "It also has, apparently, divine protection from being hit." 01:51:25 "Which is a bit weird. But then the phrase "Well, that was a bit weird" and "Imperial Japanese Navy" get conflated an awful lot more than is common for most other navies when it comes to the Second World War." 02:04:27 "Pick your particular flavor of poison when it comes to that particular, um, treacherous pit of discussion." 02:18:32 "Oh boy. I need a drink now." * * * 7/30/19 Drachisms of the Day: 15:10 "At which point, five British battleships fall on the remaining Japanese aircraft carriers like the fists of an angry god." 21:08 "Which basically went, "What the??? OH! Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Ow!". GLUG! 26:54 "You would also have to interdict the air-routes. Which a nuclear submarine is not necessarily the best at doing." 35:23 "It didn't roll over, sink, stress itself in high-seas or try to be a submarine." 40:20 "Trying to avoid the plague that is the Japanese 25mm." 52:55 "Sure. Ah, yeah. Having eighty oxygen-fueled Long Lances on the deck of a battleship is surely never going to have any bad consequences whatsoever to anyone. Said nobody. Ever." 55:29 "It is gonna survive to get into combat. And what is more, when it goes into combat it is gonna ram you. And it is gonna run you down. And it is gonna sink you. And at the WORST, they're gonna have to repaint the bow." 1:03:42 "But it's main armament is no less than fourteen 5-inch-guns and eight 25mm-guns, because I guess someone has to get punishment-duty." 1:04:30 "It turns out that, performance-wise, it is relatively strong and stable (Oh....there's that phrase again. Oh dear.) 1:05:00 "So effectively, it's a heavily armed knife." Enjoy Tankfest. Bring ear-plugs. * * * 7/23/19 Drachisms Of The Day: 7:28 "unobtainium propeller shafts and Tardiss-like engine spaces" 9:07 "bears the somewhat dubious privilege of being one of the most modernized pre-Dreadnoughts of all time" 33:40 "also, growing a brain-stem and realizing that possibly the Enigma codes had been cracked" 43:12 (singing) "Skippy! Oh Skippy the bush kangaroo." 43:50 "Which spells very bad things for Prince Eugen who would be the one to catch most of that in the face" 49:25 "ramp up the power plant to EVEN MORE hilarious levels" * * * 7/16/19 Drachism Of The Day: 1:05:36 "And hopefully not drowning in endless amounts of rain and mud because I'd much rather keep that for the WW1 re-enactors." * * * 7/2/19 Drachisms of the Day: 55:36 "Wins the Vlad Tepes award for cruel and unusual punishment of an enemy who was already horribly beaten into the ground anyway." 1:09:12 "When you build a ship where your secondary battery out-ranges your main battery and it's supposed to be a Dreadnought, you really really have learned the meaning of failure." 8:10 "Then you have 'Mongo The Elephant'. Yes, I said that correctly, 'The Elephant'. He lived on HMS Courageous for a while." This is NOT a 'Drachism'. This is a plea for an entire episode dedicated to Mongo. WTAF!!! 1:28:41 "Sooo, the Battle of the Barents Sea is more seen as a failure due to the sheer comedic ineptitude of the whole engagement." 1:52:17 "I need a drink."
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  425. Drachisms of the Year Vol 5 7/28/19 Drachisms of the Day: 0:22 "Brought to you by the melted gelatenous puddle that used to be known as Drach." 4:01 "Quite how that would have worked out? Who know? Probably better off that we don't find out." 11:13 "Oh? Germans? Really? Here? In a war??? Who'd have thought? Eww." 12:11 "Arc Royal can start sorting out Skuas, for what they're worth." 14:24 "Rather than just being a piniata for anything that comes along with a gun bigger than 6-inches." 18:11 "I'm sure Tom Cruise was very disappointed about that." 19:14 "As for who's armor was better. He he. Oh boy, isn't that a little can of worms to open up?" 29:26 "You might as well call them 'Washington Cherry Trees', for lack of a better term, because they really didn't come about that much." 32:40 "After Trafalger, Napoleon had...well...more 'Russian-shaped' things to worry about (especially when it came to the winter)." 39:01 "Well, I imagine the Captain of a US warship going out onto the wing of his bridge, staring at the Normady coast, bringing up a scroll, and then just going: "Dear Grid Coordinates, I no longer wish you to exist. Signed, The US Navy. Open fire." 40:51 "So, congratulations. You have constructed a battleship whos, I guess, Q-turrets only function is to blow away the rear-superstructure, when inevitably it rebels and declares it's independance from the rest of the ship." 42:45 "You don't want to deflect the torpedo downwards into the lower portion of your ship. THIS IS A STUPID IDEA." 47:24 "Yeah...just'no'. Um..they needed to go. I mean, there's a reasons the Chileans didn't accept them." 51:07 "I might as well start throwing rocks at the ungodly number of aircraft that the USN is going to throw at me later in the war. Which doesn't sound like a very fun idea to me AT ALL." 52:18 "So, kinda by default, you end up with the Italians. And, it's like, 'Well, OK, decent food!'" 55:38 "There's nothing really I can do to help the Japanese. They picked a fight with America, in America's own 'personal pond'. So, I guess I could make a 'white flag machine' for them. Might save a few lives." * * * 8/21/19 Drachisms of the Day: 11:50 "The US engineers assumed some degree of sanity had gone into the manufacture of Prinze Euigen's propulsion system, were left in charge, the majority of Prinze Euigen's propulsion system took itself off to it's own personal fuhrer bunker and shot itself. Disassembling in a rather spectacular manner." 12:44 "None of the very early carriers came out of things looking particularly brilliant." 17:58 "I suppose if you do need to worry about 'ship worm' on an iron ship, you've probably got bigger things to worry about." 20:19 "Tracing geneologieos and various people who basically spent their part of the last millenia stabbing, shooting or hitting people over the head in the military." 21:00 "And yes, I will write it in the manner that I tend speak, hopefully. So it will be a little bit sarcastic, a little bit flippant, a little bit off the hook. But, what else do you expect, to be perfectly honest?" 23:25 "As built they were so terribly weak that THE SEA could bend them out of shape." 24:06 "Putting a 6-inch cruiser gun on them would probably end up looking like a giant 20000-ton-bus-version of that." * * * 8/14/19 Drach O Day Drachisms of the Day: 4:00 "And they (Parrot guns) did have a disturbing tendency of exploding. Which is not necessarily something you want in your rifled artillery if you value your life." 5:07 "They (Dahlgren guns) did not have the habit of exploding. Which is pretty much the entire reason Dahlgren invented them." 6:00 "Personally, I would almost go with the Dahlgren. But then that's mainly because I don't like 25 pounds of explosive blowing up a 12-ton cannon right next to me . Cause I like life!" 10:37 "Obviously the ends of the ships will then be hilariously vulnerable to gunfire. BUT...that's not exactly a new thing." 12:43 "Chances are all your completely unprotected life rafts and launches are probably in little, tiny, burning pieces all over your ship. At which point, they're not incredibly useful to you." 21:40 "And in America you've got Langley. For all the good that is." 25:41 "If the carrier forces negate each other, OH WELL, back to WW1 battle-line tactics then." 32:41 "The Swordfish was so hilariously obsolete that it kind of looped all the way around the circle and came back to being good again." 33:10 "Oh well. There's a hole. I guess we're down to STITCHING THINGS back together tonight." 40:02 "BUT...the words 'compensated for' are not necessarily the ones you want to have when you are dealing with your naval guns." 47:40 "Although to be fair, if you are reduced to the point of arming merchant-ships, you're probably less likely to be worried about the legal niceties of international politics."
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  426. Drachisms of the Year Vol 4 8/11/19 Drachisms of the Day (2/3): 11:34 "Well, I couldn't easily find a picture of the 'B-Bomb' for love-nor-money, sooo...HERE...have a picture of a 'Grand Slam' instead! Ah...(lowered voice) it's always good for a laugh. Anyway..for those of you who are unaware, the B-Bomb was a design of bomb, unsuprisingly enough. HaHa." 15:11 "Level bombing in, or dropping bombs from any significant height at any sort at the beginning of WW2, was NOT the world's most acurate endeavour." 18:19 "And then, at some point in WW2, they just dropped all subtlety and went with stuff like this...which was, yeah, you know, 'STUFF ACCURACY. We'll just hit the same post-code and you'll still be dead.' 20:27 "As opposed to the old black powder charges, which were: Fire guns. INSTANT smoke screen. Everyone might as well sit down and have a cup of tea because nobody can see what-the-heck is on either side of that cloud of smoke for a good five or six minutes." 27:19 "Imagine some kind of weird trimiran-IOWA maybe if they just..MAYBE IF THEY LITERALLY just took some industrial girders and strapped a couple of ATLANTAs to each side." 28:41 "In some ways, eh...BOTH of the answers actually are potentially answers to BOTH of the questions, in that aspeact." 31:58 "Well if you want to break the Naval Treaty, you are effectivly shooting your own economy in the head. Soo..have fun with that. (continue listening until) It was a simpler time back then." 33:28 "Everybody was horribly 'rules lawyering' the Washington Naval Treaty." 46:04 "DON'T PUT YOUR MAIN MAST RIGHT BEHIND THE FUNNEL. Stupid people. Anyway." 53:08 "Their ball-and-chain effect on the rest of the fleet is less." * * * 8/11/19 Drachisms of the Day (1/3): 18:51 "It was commanded by the rather wonderfully named "Manley Power". 19:38 "And they seemed to carry the tradidition of the ALABAMA in more ways than one. Especially as they all ended in similar ways." 21:54 "Hmm. Nice merchant navy. Shame if something were to happen to it." 23:03 "By the traditional method, which was 'Pay us or we'll shoot you.' Because the British would have been; 'OK, you want to try it that way. Let's go then.'". 29:18 "But then again, I am British. So I guess excentricity is somewhere down there in the DNA." 33:47 "Instead of...well, yeah...the 'melee-weapon' that is the Mark XIV." 34:07 "But it's certainly going to put a VERY big spanner in the works." (to my ear, this is a 'Yank-specific' Drachism). 46:44 "If I ever find who made that video, I'm coming for you with a blunt object." 47:00 "As I've said before, if I could BE on any one ship, it would be something like the USS Massachussets, because, well, if you didn't loose anybody, so I get to live. Huzzah! I like life." 49:56 "Sit there and let the horribleness overtake you." * * * 8/4/19 Drachisms of the Day: 5:25 "Basically, roaming 'death squads' of British and American ships looking for things that haven't yet been exploded." 6:39 "And moving at such speed that U-Boats were just like, "Hmmm! I hear a ship coming. Up periscope." Zzmmmmmmmm. "AH! Oh well, back to looking for merchantmen. Never mind." 12:48 "I'd say, to a certain degree, they probably hated each other more than they hated the people they were fighting." 14:10 "There was almost a 'Klingon-level' of rivalry between officers within the same naval service." 30:07 "It's like saying "Well, yes. This person has the advantage in killing you if he runs you down with a 32-ton HTV(?), as compared to this person who is ONLY hitting you with a 7.5-ton moving van." I doubt you're really gonna appreciate the difference that much." 33:58 "And then N3 unleahsed the torpedo salvo of 'complete unexpectedness'." 37:11 "You don't want a Spearfish or an ADCAP coming towards you, much less six. Umm...or worse if you have the misfortune to meet an angry Seawolf-class. But never mind." 39:15 "The British would probably have gone, "Hmmm. You declare for our enemies, do you? It's real pity you're using those Vickers 14-inch guns, isn't it? Ah well, I guess we have some spare 14-inch guns. Anyone buying?" 42:31 "Submarines submarines everywhere. And, oh dear, carrier-aircraft too." 45:41 "On a battleship, it would be considered a medium weight AA gun at best and 'Why the hell have you put this thing on our ship? Why can't we have something better?" 46:48 "You also have to consider things like 'inertia' and 'momentum'. Which are fairly related." (Newtonian snark) 50:55 "The answer tends to sound a bit 'waffely'". 54:10 "If you just did a straight swap...ahhh...the British would rip your hand off, in their efforts to shake it. And thank you from the highest-of-heavens for the absolute easy ride you've just given them." 54:53 "But that was because it was handed a weapon that was probably better at beating the enemy over the heads with physically in a boarding action, than actually firing at them." 55:13 "The phrase 'faster than the Buearu Of Ordnance' can be applied to many things including Competitive Snail Racing."
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  427. Drachisms of the Year Vol 3 11/29/19 Drachisms of the Day: 14:46 "No one ever accused them of being competant. But schizophrenic may well be accurate." 16:02 "And then, when the war ended it's like 'Navy? What Navy? We don't have a navy. No, no, no! Those lovely Slovenes, Croates and Serbs over there. They have a navy. That they're very quickly repainting. But it's not ours. So you can't have it.' Buuut....well..........the allies didn't quite buy that." 17:40 "They just had the misofrtune of when they eventyally encountered pushy westerners in warships." 20:13 "They never really quite got their act back-together after Lepanto, way back when. But, they tried. You got to give them points for trying." 25:14 "Trying to command a battle from an open bridge was a cold and damp affair. Being British, I don't know quite why they were complaing about that. It's the natural way of things after all." 28:23 "Which could best be described as a steel ingot that they put a Lion class armament on." 1:02:13 "The hundereds of thousands, if not more, volts of energy, that you need to drive a ship, suddenly being dumped into them and their surrounding environment. Mmm, tends not to go to well." 1:03:09 "At least you're not turning the entier rear half of your ship into a giant fly-grid. Except for humans. * * * 11/27/19 14:14 "And having your ship literally disolve itself away into nothing is a pretty good party trick. But not really good for the long-term health of the crew." * * * 11/23/19 Drachisms of the Day: 19:48 "But yeah...when you see phrases like 'running rivers of burning liquid TNT', amm, I don't think you need that much more explanation as to why things started going 'Boom'." 22:05 "There was some faulty hull-design in terms of the ventaliation systems and such which didn't help turning the ship into a fuel-air bomb." 22:36 "Meant that the explosion then blew out large amounts of the ship's sides, quite violently, which has something of a deleterious effect on a ship's ability to survive." 25:19 "A lot of it, ironically enough, um, much as it sounds like bit cliche, but 'Blame Hitler!'". 29:06 (derisevily) "The HMS Ocean, which is, well, it's a amphibious assault ship. It carries helicopters and such. So, yeah." 40:32 "Lewis Masgill asks 'Favorite naval-architect of the period 1850-1950 for each of the following: UK, USA, France, Germany, Russia, Japan, Italy and everyone else'. Eh, don't ask for much!" 1:01:57 (tuba toots) "Though I cannot help but feel, some flash doors would be nice. Fire! Fire! Big explOOOsion. Fire! Fire! Big explooosion. Fire! Fire! Big explOOOsion. Back to the drawing board." * * * 11/16/19 4:59 "You only live once. Unless you don't. 5:59 "The Royal Navy's motto is 'Si vis pacem, para bellum'. Which is 'If you wish for peace, prepare for war'...for a relatively good reason! Um..they were usually fighting someone or another and when they didn't have a nation-state to fight, they found something else to go and shoot." * * * 11/6/19 0:47 "Which was probably just as well considering the alternative would have been a high-speed tin-can full of explosives with the name 'United States' plastered all over it." 1:34 "So they just lied about it and said they weighted 33000 tons anyway." 0:37 "And if you thought you'd found a ship with a complicated and convoluted design history, well I hope you're sitting comfortably.... because this one's even BETTER." * * * 11/2/19 Drachisms of the Day: 11:03 "I think you could probably best describe Halsey as an effective admiral in the same way as a man charging into a knife-fight, wielding a sledge-hammer is effective." 11:44 (on Yamamoto) "He was also the one who ran and organized the battle of Midway from the Japanese side and, well, that didn't go particularly well for them. Did it?" 16:07 "It became a 'Sail closer, I literally want to hit them with my sword.' Drop the corvus. Pin the enemy in place so it can't use it's superior seafaring skills against you. And then pour legionaries across. And then cut everyone to pieces. And that worked fairly well for them." 16:45 "The Roman Navy went from 'We're really an army, only we float.' stage." 21:50 "And I'm sorry to say, but, sitting around Skapa Flow, and looking out at various views of the North Sea, in it's multiple stages of gray...is not ESPECIALLY attractive." 1:29:54 "The greater Chilean economic prosperity sphere." * * * 10/12/19 Drachisms of the Day: 13:02 "Oh, look at me. I've got such a big battleship. Insert relevant 'compensation joke' here thing." 14:02 "Now, it has been pointed out to me that I have recently been answering multi-part-questions in the correct order. This is heresy and must not be stood for. So, in the reverse order...." 17:59 "And, as for just how lethal these things could be, there's a reason why an awful lot of people who flooded ships magazines and saved the ship by doing so, ended up being awarded those medals posthumously." 18:37 "The rigid airship, as lovingly modeled here, by USS Akron." 21:34 (in regards to rigid airships) "You could just divert over another country and ... what are they going to do about it?" 22:22 "Battleships are big. The Earth is CONSIDERABLY larger." 22:45 "Because, to be honest, if you were close enough to a hostile ship the detailed picture would help you figure out which ship it was, you were probably far too close." 24:56 "But from this altitude, are you really going to be able to pick out exactly which ship it is? Wether it's a North Carolina or a South Dakota? Um...I mean for those of us who are obsessive naval historians, we probably can do." 29:52 "At the beginning of WW1, the British based the grand fleet for a while over in Northern Ireland. Umm..so, yeah, good luck with that." 43:51 "But be a much more fightable ship without it's front turrets being turned into temporary aquariums." * * * 10/9/19 Drachism of the Day: 14:24 "Instead, the two sides decided to start trolling each other in a manner that wouldn't be entirely out of place in a 21st-century internet forum. Only they were using somewhat more polite language, better spelling and, of course, the use of flags." * * * 10/6/19 Drachisms of the Day: 19:57 "And, to his credit, Russel Crowe doesn't quite give us the linguistic tour of the UK that he does in some other films." 33:03 "Hilarious to watch. Not so hilarious to run away from." 59:27 "Unless you get a complete and utter suprise attack obviously, which ... Eh! It's possible. But I wouldn't put my money on it." 1:26:03 "Outside of a few computer aided ... stunts." * * * 9/12/19 Drachisms of the Day: 16:50 (in regards to rubberized flight-decks) "And then you would have had the Kitty Hawk turned into the world's largest trampoline". 46:58 "You've just let a bunch of water into your ship voluntarily which is probably not a good idea to do in the face of an enemy battleship that's about to, possibly, let a lot of water into your ship involuntarily." 48:24 "You know what? STUFF THIS. I'm going after him." * * * 8/11/19 Drachisms of the Day (3/3): 5:56 "Firing, effectively, a full-broadside, let's say every ten seconds, because the Captains feeling kind." 16:39 "Oh, well look! The person with the massive heavy ships versus lightweight ships managed to win. Shock, horror!" 17:28 "So I'd be able to turn that around, at least, in theory. Assuming anyone listened to me." 19:27 "And...also the simple fact of the matter is generally, in land battles, that, ah, you are shooting at men and horses which are a lot squishyer and easier to kill than ships of the line." 23:02 "But they don't need to be available quite as soon as the machinery, cause, well generally speaking, as you can see here with the USS Florida, the guns go on the top." 27:20 "I managed to avoide a 'technical derail'. Huzzah!" 28:21 "The OTHER way of doing it was to basically bake it into something that was so hard and moisture-free that it was more 'building material' or 'melee weapon' than food-stuff." 30:56 "And discovered that they hadn't quite got the technology right and they kind of put on a minor electrical storm everytime they tried to turn the turrets. With massive arcs of blue fire. Which looks pretty but is not particularly effective." 38:34 "As an Englishman, I'm almost genetically duty-bound to rag on the French on occasion."
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