Comments by "Jenna from Calli" (@Jennafromcalli) on "KPBS Public Media"
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My father’s last words to me were I love you too. It was Christmas Eva 2019 I sat at his feet for about two hours saying I love you, daddy repeatedly, and finally he looked at me and said “ I love you too” that meant he heard me, it meant the world to me because saying, I love you and I love you too, was basically the law in our house. Whenever we separated, and we were going to see each other for five minutes or a week, we said I love you I love you too, now this came up at some funny times. There was a period of time when I was a teenager and a rotten one at that so when I walked out the door, I would say I love you in a scream and he would say I love you too, and that I slam the door, seriously it’s funny now because we laughed at it a lot. My dad went sailing with me and went skiing with me and went on vacations with me and did everything with me and the rest of the family under the sea and he was there for everything he helped me get ready for the prom and the winter formal she was just there all the time making sure that I was OK. I was a lucky girl. Sometimes loving somebody so much means there will be a lot of pain in the end, but that was not the case. I kept my promise to my dad. I helped him die, he told me that when I got to the point where there was just nothing but pain he wanted me to help him die. The good news is that in California hospice is very helpful and when it comes to the very end, they took him off of all of his medication’s and put him on Ativan 10 mg every two hours, so at 12 AM I called and they gave him 10 mg at 2 AM I called another 2 mg and 4 AM I called and they give me another 2 mg at 4:19 he took his last breath peacefully and that was on December 31, 2019. I felt my grandmother come for him a woman I never met. My dad described her to me and said that I was so much like her years earlier so when he died, I felt her presence for about 10 minutes and then I felt them leave and I think they went to be with my mother who was getting the news that her husband had died, my husband was with me within two minutes and like I said before dad had gone to UCSD every month to be studied ever since he got Alzheimer’s. So when my mom arrived, the nurse asked what funeral home are we supposed to call and she said oh no no funeral home donis to go to UCSD he’s donating his brain. I was surprised by this I didn’t know it but I wasn’t shocked because it made perfect sense, even after his last breath, he was giving some thing to help others. I’m very proud to be his daughter and it’s painful to have them gone. I feel like there’s something blocking the pain because it should be more but maybe it’s just that I know how fortunate I was to have a dad like him. I have systemic lupus, and we used to make jokes about who is going to make it to the pearly gates faster he won, but when I die, he will be waiting for me. He knows every secret and has forgiven me for all I miss him, and I love him.
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My mother deserves the credit for taking care of my dad for years. Every time something changed. She would change with it, and dad did not go into a home until about four months before he died. She did not want him in a home for very long, but it was safer for him to be in a home at that point because he was so tall you can tell kind of like the picture of him. He’s 6 foot two and in this picture he’s about 220 pounds 230 pounds baby, he just got too tall, and he could not be managed by one woman who was a little younger than he was. She was with him from the age of 17 married at 17 imagine that, and then they said till death do us part they meant it, and they went through some hell. I am one of the ones that put them through it when they were younger and I was a teenager, she’s an amazing woman, and she deserves all the credit for caring for him, and for making sure that he was able to do everything he wanted to do before he died. He wanted to be studied, and after he died, without my knowing he had donated his brain to the same college UCSD, so when they came to get him they said what funeral home is he going to and she said no no funeral home he’s going to UCSD he’s donating his brain and I just lost I cried because even in death he was giving and so was mom right there with him? I am proud to be their daughter I can’t imagine being anybody else’s.
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To those of you who have responded with you are sorry for my loss. I’m not sorry the pain is Tip losing him is the worst, but that meant that I had such a great relationship with him he loved me so much. I loved him so much that my favorite thing to do with him with. him was to get in a car and go anywhere. I didn’t care where I just wanted to be away with him anywhere. He was my best friend and we would figure out the whole world problems and we made promises to each other because I’m sick to whoever is close to death first helps the other one die sounds morbid right it’s not. what is morbid is watching somebody die slowly of thirst and hunger, because they can’t eat or drink anymore watching somebody gasping for air because their lungs don’t work anymore watching them stare off into space, and nothing but pain that is not a way to die so we had a deal. Whoever died first would help the other one die and I helped my dad die before you call the police it was totally legal hospice is a wonderful thing. they brought our family together and said he is actively dying. I could see that my mother couldn’t she was in denial. We’re taking him off all of his meds and everybody was walking out the room when they said and we’re giving him one other med and you can and I heard what I could do and so that night I came there. The pastor was there, and he talked my mom into going home, because the pastor has been given a poem, written by my father, the last stanza. Said something to the effect of I hope somebody can find it within themselves to put me out of my misery. When that time comes I don’t want to die that way my pastor knew I wish I was there so at 12 o’clock I called for meds at 2 o’clock I called for meds at 4 o’clock. I called for meds and at 4:19 AM on December31, My very best friend took his last breath. I sat there and I talk to him for a long time and then I felt my grandmother come for him and then I felt them both kind of dancing around me and it was happy that went on for about 10 minutes and then the nurse came in and said I got a hold of your mom and I realize that’s where they went to be with my mom. when my mom came, they asked what mortuary are we calling and she said no mortuary call UCSD. Don is donating his brain. My dad had been followed by UCSD since he got diagnosed once a month so they saw him go for all those years and then, in the end they got his brain, and I thought that was amazing that even after death he had something to give so don’t feel bad for me because I adored him, and he ignored me. It was a great relationship between a father and a daughter. I miss him until I see him again and I’m sick so that won’t be long not long at all.-Jenna
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Yes, dad did die. I answered this question above, but I didn’t tell the story of the night. Did he died? I was the only one with him which was good because mom could not except that he was dying. He was at a point where he was dying of thirst, he was dying in pain. There was no good death for him so I kept a promise thanks to hospice by the way at 12:00 AM. I called for the medicine at 2:00 AM. I called for the medicine and at 4:00 AM I called for the medicine, that was free my father from this world and that body he died at 4:19 AM with just me in the room and I have to tell you I was grateful to be there and I was grateful to help him and I may have mentioned this, but he did donate his brain to the university that he’s talking about in this video he’s very sick brain I miss my very best friend every day and I’m proud to be his daughter. We used to joke about who was going to get to the pearly gates first because I have systemic lupus, and I am at the jumping off point now And I look forward to being with him if that’s what’s there. I struggle with after life thoughts but I believe if there’s a loving God then I get to be with my dad by the way there’s one more little story that’s kind of weird so just bear with me, my dad talk to me about my grandmother all the time I never met hier he told me that I raised my kids just like her. He said that she always lives on his side and his six brothers her kids could do no wrong. I was of the mind raising my kids that the world is hard enough so I want to be there, soft place to land and I am when dad finally died at 4:19 AM. I felt a presence in the room and it was a loving presence and I have no doubt in my mind that that was his mother. I felt them in the room for about 10 minutes and then they left, I found out because the nurse came downstairs that she had just gotten a hold of my mother and that would’ve been the time that my dad left with my grandmother and I believe in my heart that they went to be with her so that’s his final story, but in between he did so much for the Alzheimer’s Association went and spoke to Congress about getting money in funding for Alzheimer’s as a patient and as a doctor, one of my favorite pictures of my father is him standing in front of the capital wearing his purple Voice shirt over his white collared shirt it’s a beautiful picture. I wish I could post it here but I don’t know how thanks guys.
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Hey, if it works for somebody that’s great even if it helps with the pain in the very end dad died on December 31, 2019 at 4:19 AM. I helped him die. He asked me to and I did thankfully it was legal hospice is wonderful. I’m off all his other meds and they put him on Ativan every two hours, dad was nonverbal but was giving very clear cues that he was in pain. So at 12 AM I called for a dose at 2 AM. I called for another dose at 4 AM. I called for another Jose and at 4:19. My dad took his last breath. He was my best friend, and when you have a best friend, that’s your dad. It’s such a blessing what was very easy to help him because we had spoken about it so often. There was nothing left but pain he had done all he had to come here to do his work with the Alzheimer’s Association. He had worked with people that had the disease that was worse than him, and he had gone to Congress to ask for funding as a patient and doctor, I was very proud of him and I thought he had done all he could do on this earth but he wasn’t done. After he died, he donated his brain to the very university that he speaks about in this video. I hope I’m answering questions. I didn’t see all of this until now so I will come back. I’m speaking in a microphone because I can’t see, I have systemic lupus and I am dying too. And I’m fine with it. There comes a time in life where the pain becomes so bad that that’s all life is so fortunately I live in a two signature state and when I decide time is time and my doctors agree, I will go see dad. Thanks for all your questions people and comments you’re all really amazing very loving people
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I would like to answer you about his crippled anxiety. He did not have crippled anxiety. I will tell you why by the way, I’m his daughter dad focused on helping others while he was going down this road he did a lot for the Alzheimer’s Association. He did a lot for individuals that were sicker than him, he did a lot of fundraising and he actually went to Congress with the Alzheimer’s Association as a doctor and as a patient to talk about the lack of funds in this country for a disease that is so hard on families. My father had long-term health insurance it’s very expensive $5000 a year, they decided to get it about 10 years before my dad was diagnosed and it was $1 million policy by the time dad died on December 31, 2019 more than half of that policy was gone, leaving the other part for my mom. I don’t know what we would’ve done without that, and that was his whole point I was able to keep my promise to my father, that I would help him die if he was suffering fortunately, hospice is amazing, I was alone with him on the last night at 12 AM. I called for the first dose of Ativan at 2 AM. I called for the second dose at 4 AM. I called for the third dose and dad drifted to sleep and stop breathing and then he donated his brain to the very university that he talks about in this video, thanks for your questions and don’t be afraid everybody has a road they’re gonna walk down and it’s going to be OK. I say that coming from a place that would be scary to me too. I have systemic lupus and I don’t have a lot of time left. The good news is if there is an afterlife my dad‘s waiting for me so don’t feel sorry for me. I get to be with this great man.
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