Hearted Youtube comments on Coal Hastings (@CoalHastings) channel.
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I definitely relate to this. I was very invisible through all my school years and I wasn't secure enough in myself to be alone around people in school, I would at home, id build lego cities, come up with board games, play video games, reading, comics. I was excited about these things, I loved Pokemon as a kid until everyone else decided it wasn't cool. I remember at 9 years old being into these things and then suddenly everyone around my class started acting like they were teenagers or in middle school. Kids were listening to Eminem talking about sit-coms and Dave Chappelle and trying to not act like kids. I didn't understand it, but I felt isolated and like I was lagging behind socially from everyone else.
I became a terrible person I didn't know who I really was or if what I was was still ok and I tried being friends with people who just made me the punching bag or joke of the group who got made fun of for being enthusiastic or passionate for anything I enjoyed. I did at times leave these groups, but I just felt really alone, and I wanted to be wanted. I went out of my way for attention, make up stuff, lie about myself. I just tried to run away from the childhood version of myself that loved stories and creativity and exploring characters.
I became bitter and sad and acted weird for the sake of being weird because being labelled strange was better then being invisible. The truth is it didn't make a difference, by the end of high-school when everyone on the last week of high school were going around getting year books signed, I realized everyone since Grade 9 to 12 had formed friendships and instead of walking around alone getting their yearbooks signed, they were sitting in the halls with groups of friends made through our time and it just broke me. I should have just been myself, maybe Id have ended up alone anyways, but I have so much baggage from high-school because of how I acted and what I held in because I was afraid of being myself.
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I'm not entirely sure why I was recommended this video, but I'm glad that there are more and more men offering sound advice, to what I assume is mostly a demographic of young male viewers, with respect to romantic love, platonic love, and self-love. I think for all people, though, regardless of your relationship status, it's important that we de-centralize romantic love as being the only viable path to a successful social life. The love of our friends, families, and most importantly the love we have for ourselves, can be just as fulfilling as romantic love. I've been in plenty of romantic relationships and I put my self-love, platonic love and familial love on the backburner thinking that romantic love was the end-all-be-all, and it just isn't. I don't know how else to say that, but romantic love truly is only one kind of love, and it's no better or worse than the other kinds of love that are available to you. And honestly, if you believe that finding "the one" will make you feel whole, you still have a lot of inner work to do. Only you can make yourself feel whole. Build a home within yourself. Your purpose isn't to find the one, or to find your passion; it's just to live your life.
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I do agree with a lot of this in terms of the points you make about how to be a good partner however I do want to challenge the assumption I'm gathering that before the modern age of social media that our parents were not having situationshipish relationships. yes they didn't have as many options but by no means were they more mature than we are as young people. they were still being assholes, leading people on, not calling people again instead of breaking up with them, only being half-in relationships until they met someone they were more excited about etc etc. I don't think its a generational thing as much as a young people, flighty, non-commital because we don't know what we want from our lives thing. and plus people were more willing to settle back then because they didn't have options and because marriage was more of an expectation. You could say that things have significantly improved in some ways because being single is no longer a liability, and we have freedom and rights especially as women that were only truly available to us in the late 70s! so we are only recently seeing the fruits of our labour pay off. it does mean that because women don't have as much of a need for men beyond the enigmatic feelings of love and a high that you get when you're in love, as well as women who choose to build families. Other women are actually very practical when it comes to love in my experience. As in, if a man is treating her poorly, she is more likely to leave than stay because there isn't anything of material or emotional value to gain. and because women outpace men in emotional maturity and because now we have the freedom of choice, being single often feels like a better option than many of the options available to us. That being said, I don't like being cynical about anything in life, especially not love, and I would like to think that eventually we will settle into ourselves, want something more sustainable and out grow our restless ways but for now, its better in mant ways to just enjoy the ride! I know that for me, I've been in a relationship before, it wasn't perfect but I felt real feelings and I think that regardless of all of this social media blindness, people never forget how you make them feel and that is something that cannot be reduced to a number, a body or an ego boost. i would love more positive outlooks on romance because a part of me feels like its a self-fullfiling prophecy when I see those on social media spewing so much negativity about it. great video and really solid advice!!
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Since I was a kid, I thought I needed to follow the standard script - financial independence, marriage, kids, house, etc. I was engaged over a year ago, in an incredibly unhealthy relationship. I learned that I had a lot of work from that relationship still to accomplish on myself, both to be a better person and also learn how to vet toxic people from entering my life. After a healthy amount of time, I tried to do the casual thing and went on dates with several women but found that damaging to the soul. After my last āsituationshipā ended, I finally found contentment in just simply enjoying friendships, digging deeper into my spiritual formation, and engaging in fulfilling hobbies. If that is what is intended for the foreseeable future, I count it as a blessing and if something does change, I am more prepared now to better love another.
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Well said Cole. Let me give a recent except of mine from last night that I think illustrates the point your trying to make:
Iām an introvert like you, my gym Iāve been a regular member at for almost two years now. I know most of the people there, and they know me. But from being an introvert, I wouldnāt say that Iām close friends per se with anyone there.
Last night, there was a social event my gym was having at a brewery. I typically would have said no, out of not really knowing would I could expect if I went there, but decided to go cause it felt like the right thing to do.
When I got there, there was already a friend group who was gathered around a table, since they somewhat knew me and I somewhat knew a few of them , I came over and just sat on the outskirts of the group, not really saying much, not caring to say much,just asking a few questions now and then. Like you said Cole, nothing super important , not talking about any of the deep stuff this channel talks about. Because most people arenāt interested in the deep stuff, and thatās ok. I left early, cause I felt like Iād done my part, Iād shown my face and had been kind.
Iām glad I did, there was nothing significant that happened, I didnāt really make a new friend, accomplish this or that or the other, I just went there, and showed my face and was nice, and that was enough. That is i agree what more of us should be doing if we want to improve society, the little things like that, like you say. Just being kind to others with no particular agenda other than that
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That opening statement really clicked for me recently. Been struggling with procrastination all year, partly because of my perfectionism (i.e. the expectations I set for my work), compounded by bad social media hygiene. Scrolling aimlessly, watching videos just to watch videos, etc. Backed myself into a helluva corner late this year, and discovered, that when I really focus, I can do as much as 9000 words in a day. Not meaningless words either, coherent thoughts and through-lines in storytelling. No obsessing, no dread, just writing. So the goal I'm setting for myself is creating a productive routine that can enable that side of me to stay in the zone consistently without the burnout and minimizing distraction. Looking forward to setting up that new standard. Great vid as always.
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7:09 this is so true. I really notice after myself, that desptie all the conscious repeating for myself, that I do want better for myself, or be happy, or whatever happened here, secretly I do things that not entirely sabotage me, but really make my life uneccessary bit more difficult. Its like I really wanted to suffer a bit, and seriously - I think thats the beauty. One dude on the internet said ,that we all just try to hide our insanities in one way or another, so thats ultimately makes us sane. For me tho, I just find that I want more of a good story came out of my life, rather being steady and peaceful at all times. I know that a lot of people can disagree with this viewpoint on life, but I look at it through lens of film. The thought about regular life, FOREVER, makes me feel so trapped and anxious. Anyway, I yapped to much. Ty Cole
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I asked ChatGPT how microplastics are getting into peopleās bodies:
āMicroplastics can enter the human body through various pathways. Some common routes include:
1. **Ingestion**: Microplastics are often consumed unknowingly through contaminated food and water. They can be present in seafood, bottled water, salt, and even in the air we breathe.
2. **Drinking Water**: Microplastics have been found in tap water, bottled water, and other beverages, which can be a source of ingestion.
3. **Food Chain**: Microplastics can accumulate in the bodies of marine animals, which humans then consume. This includes seafood such as fish, shellfish, and even sea salt.
4. **Airborne Particles**: Microplastics are lightweight and can become airborne, potentially being inhaled.
5. **Food Packaging**: Some microplastics may leach from packaging materials into food, especially during processing and storage.
Once ingested or inhaled, microplastics can potentially enter the bloodstream and lymphatic system, and may accumulate in various organs. The long-term health impacts of microplastic exposure are still being studied, but there are concerns about potential harm, including inflammation, oxidative stress, and the possibility of toxic chemicals associated with plastics leaching into the body.ā
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Great video! I agree totaly, moving in to a house in a small town, i know no one there, i am gonna get a garage, a workshop, for buimding cars, having hobbies, having privacy and space, i can't wait to find myself again and evolve!šŖš» need to loose weight, excersice , stop porn and junk food, i am shaking up everything, this video hit home perfectly
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The way I see it, when you say youāre on āSelf-improvementā you put this incredibly unnecessary burden on yourself to always be āimprovingā, which prevents you from enjoying the simpler aspects of life or even things that are just for fun such as video games or days out with friends, which ultimately destroys your fulfilment in life because you never give yourself a chance to just relax. I believe taking things slowly, allowing yourself to enjoy life and learn new things as you go along is the key to living a life you can be truly happy with rather than constantly needing to be ābetterā, which stops you from ever getting a proper chance to stop and smell the flowers, from enjoying the present moment. You end up chasing things like cold showers, nofap, money, women, journaling etc thinking that they will change your life when in reality, itās the self discovery and reflection you get from living your life and learning from your mistakes is actually what truly helps you to improve. Take life at your own pace and figure out what works for you and who you are. Thatās how you grow as a person, in my opinion.
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Thanks for sharing your experience with this Cole. I think it should really resonate with everyone.
Hereās a passage this reminded me of from The Brothers Karamozov:
He was that sort of jealous man who, in the absence of the beloved woman, at once invents all sorts of awful fancies of what may be happening to her, and how she may be betraying him, but, when shaken, heartbroken, convinced of her faith-lessness, he runs back to her; at the first glance at her face, her gay, laughing, affectionate face, he revives at once, lays aside all suspicion and with joyful shame abuses himself for his jealousy.
I think whenever our jealousy or worry from unfounded attachment gets in the way of us loving, i.e. being happy for the person doing great things to further their individuality and live their life, then we need to take a step back and reevaluate our relationship with this person as to save yourself, them, or both of you from passionate and impossible pain. Make sure youāre not deluding yourself through romanticism and just try your best to be grateful for the good times you were blessed to have had with this person up to this point, and treat them with grace.
āIt takes strength to be gentle and kindā
-Morrissey, I Know Itās Over
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I joined a library that's literally right outside my apartment a few days ago, I also started going to a park near my place, sitting under a tree and reading /drawing on my iPad, then going for a solid 40 minute walk, my girlfriends been visiting her family in China for the past month, I miss her but I'm trying to better myself while she's gone and get to know myself better, I am currently reading King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, a really fascinating book, highly recommend, great vid Cole!
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I will definitely be eagerly awaiting your book :)
I've had some wild instances of synchronicity/manifestation that made me believe in SOMETHING, just not the big man in the sky.
Here's an example. When I was homeless, living in San Fransisco, all of my stuff was stolen, besides what I had on my person. Fortunately my wallet was with me. I lost a bunch of stuff that was important to me, like my GBA SP from childhood and Pokemon Games from Silver up to Moon. A stuffed animal I'd had since I was 5. My 2 and a half octave Casio keyboard.
I was so angry and went around searching for crackheads to interrogate, but it didn't matter. My stuff was gone.
Most of all, I was missing my keyboard. I'm a musician, and having an instrument is more valuable to me than anything. Playing music is what I'm made for. So I said to the ether, "None of that stuff matters to me. I'll give it all up. I just want my piano." And I let it be, moving on and collecting the necessities again like clothing, a backpack, sleeping bag, etc.
Well, a few days later, someone messaged me on Facebook. They had found my little Casio keyboard in an office parking lot on the other side of town along with an old ID I had kept for no reason really. They wanted to get it back to me.
So, I had my keyboard back, just like I asked. And from then on, I realized that none of this stuff matters. It's all temporary. It solidified my identity as a musician. The idea that music is what I'm supposed to do. I also realized that there was something greater than just myself. The universe, The Is, that I am part of. Not separate from.
Also, regarding psychedelics, I could probably write a book about how much they have helped me pinpoint the root of my issues. They aren't a cure, they are a diagnostic tool. We still have to do the legwork.
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I like the honesty! Nowaday seeing true honesty and kindness is kinda rare.. Most influencers has the agenda of keeping the viewer hooked/dependent, instead you show the necessary tools for us, which has worked in you daily life. True kindness shows in life, in a way that actions/lessons are made so that everyone is able to become self-sufficient and be able respect our differences.
"To stop hunger, don't just give the food. Instead teach to become self-sufficient."
Part of growing is to allow to make mistakes. I often see "leaders" and people who micromanage everything. So no one can learn to become someone who can operate independently. Example, best leaders give tools, then watch and allow mistakes to be made. Also, being present if needed and supportive when mistakes happen. Trying to control everything is unhealthy and poor management, because we grow from our mistakes. Life isn't about profit and control, it's a life we share together and interact, allowing us to become best version of our selves.
Thanks for being real and trying your best to sincerely heal as much as you can!
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