Hearted Youtube comments on The Japan Reporter (@TheJapanReporter) channel.
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As a foreigner living in Japan, I am personally experiencing this at my work. Since I am the only foreigner in my work, it's hard to make friends even though I can speak decent Japanese (up to JLPT N3). Since it's my first time working with Japanese people, I was always careful of what I say, to who I say, when to say so I didn't speak much. I guess I read the air too much. At first it was fine but now about a year of working like this, it's starting to affect me mentally.
"Don't speak unless spoken too" is a motto my co workers and I, feel like we have with each other. I know most Japanese arn't used to foreigners so of course they probably think the same about me. Everyday I come in, maybe 2 or 3 might say good morning, and won't say anything else to me until I leave, (お疲れ様です。) I often don't even eat lunch in the same room with them, I just go to an empty room but I feel like I'm being an nuisance to them.
Perhaps it's just my personally problem but when I worked in my home country it was nothing like this. My advice would be, if you're gonna work in Japan as a foreigner, get used to isolation.
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Another interesting video. I think the 「レディーファースト」is an empty phrase, as if a weeb thinks all Japanese girls are like in anime. Also throughout the video I could not help but think what “white” guys they think of when answering. There's gonna be a substantial difference between a Finnish, a French and an American white guy. I understand that it's impossible to answer in a way to encompass the whole range but I think there's a prevalent image of a white guy in Japan to be a romantic, ladies first American chad.
The language barrier was a bit underestimated I think, long term it can be quite an issue. Also “it would be great if he could speak with my parents” was an interesting point, understandably so. Could she speak with my parents though? What if I'm not from an English speaking country and my parents also do not speak English? Is she going to learn German, Czech, Italian?
The most difficult thing is the cultural difference I believe. There are a lot of implicit things we unconsciously do and expect in every day life, adding a layer of complexity that has to be dealt with in these relationships. How much of each person's culture will be part of the relationship? Is it going to be more Japanese way because we live in Japan? Would she adapt the same way if we move abroad? It's certainly so much easier to be with someone from the same or at least similar cultural background. As well as there's a big difference between a girl who has never left Japan or has not been living abroad for a longer period of time and a one who did. The former usually having zero language skills outside of Japanese and also very limited insight into other cultures.
To add my personal experience, as an European, I have struggled with the Japanese way of dating and relationships. Which also showed in the video. Especially looking at women around 28+, there's a strong sense of wedding flying around all the time. The whole push into kokuhaku and serious relationship feels quite strange because we date to get to know the person a bit and see if we can be compatible for a relationship. Not the other way around. I'm not complaining, just I can see why not a small number of foreigners would find it challenging to have a relationship in Japan. Also I think Japanese guys are generally wayyyy more considerate (at least when initially dating) than your regular European would be, but that is just my little anecdotal experience.
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