Hearted Youtube comments on HealthyGamerGG (@HealthyGamerGG) channel.
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I have a theory that journaling is "Rubber Ducky Debugging" but for yourself.
There's a code debugging method, called "Rubber Ducky Debugging" - when a programmer is stuck on a problem with their code, they will take a rubber ducky and start explaining what the code does to it, line by line, assuming (rightfully so) that the rubber ducky knows nothing about programming. When they see that what they say doesn't match with the code, or when they struggle to explain something, they now know that's the part they have to dig deeper into.
I think this happens with journaling, too. The journal is your rubber ducky, and you're telling it your side of the story, but then you feel like maybe it doesn't know something you assume to be obvious so you clarify things to it, and you add disclaimers, and you struggle to word things that you might feel deep down are not right (like it's always being *them/people*, for example). So you start changing that. And then the code works :)
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Key Takeaways:
1.) "How to get people interested in you?": You don't. You need to present yourself as who you are, and if they're interested in you then they'll let you know. Authentic you = Best version of you. To quote someone I saw in chat: "Authentic = Big Chad Energy".
2.) "How to turn small talk into free-flowing conversation": General Rule of open-ended question followed by investigative response, while making your intentions known and fully clear. Allow yourself to adjust to the flow of the conversation. If they respond well to a flirt, keep going. If they don't, then don't be afraid to back off.
3.) Actually try to get to know the person. You want to actually date them, right? Dating someone involves knowing things about them. Engage in topics you both relate to, and ask open-ended non-confrontational questions to allow the other person to show their true self (going back to Takeaway 1).
4.) Don't be afraid to be honest; Be authentic! If you want to strike a conversation with someone, but can't find a way to begin the conversation, just start talking. Don't force an introduction when you had to think about how to say it for the past 30 minutes.
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5.) Respect boundaries, but also have confidence. Going back to takeaway 1 and 4, be authentic and clear with your intentions. If they say yes, or allow you to have a second chance, take it. But if they say no and continue to say no, then respect that.
6.) Understand that even if they say no, you gave the other person the gift of feeling wanted by another human being. That's a pretty awesome gift to give. "As long as you're not cringe about it" - Dr. K
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Hey guys this is Mini! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the overwhelmingly nice comments and feedback. It's really nice to hear that my story helped people out there. Also, if Dr.K is seeing this by any miraculous chance, I wanted to thank Dr.K for having me on the interview as well. You're so cool Dr.K :D
This is going to be a long comment, but I just wanted to clarify a few things that I said on stream.
1. I do have a door, and the long curtain thing is just covering a long window I have next to the door. Maybe I'll change the curtains to pink ones in the future :3
2. I don't stream, but I'm thinking about it. Maybe in the future? who knows :P
3. I was extremely nervous this interview, so if I say um or kinda a lot that's just my defense mechanisms kicking in.
5. As for what I said about my brother, all I can say is that we have a complicated relationship. I care about him and love him, but he's done some pretty terrible things to me in the past that I'm still trying to heal from. After years of villainizing him, I started to realize only this year that he's just human and didn't mean to intentionally hurt me. I'm going to try to make amends with him as much as I can, and try to move on from the hurtful past and focus on building a better relationship with him.
I don't really want him gone. I just wanted the pain to be gone, and I'm glad Dr.K has helped me realize that.
As for how he's doing, I can't speak in place for my brother. But I convinced my parents to get him therapy help four years ago (which he still has today) and he now has a community around him that he feels as though accepts him more. And that's all I can ask for of him.
6. I love my parents. It may not seem like it from the way I talk about them in the video, but they genuinely care about my brother and me. They genuinely care for our dreams, and does everything they can to support our passions. They helped us get mental help when I requested for it, and slowly came to realize that we really needed it.
My parents have said hurtful things to both me and my brother that we are still trying to heal from. I can't deny that. But what I can do is acknowledge it, try to understand, heal from it and forgive on my own terms. I hope that you guys can see that they are not the villains. They have their own hurt and their own stories, too, and was just trying their best.
That's all. Whoever's reading this, I hope that you have a wonderful and healing day :)
Signed,
Raid Boss Mini
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I wanted to chip in with things I’ve learned from therapy and other sources.
I Think the key to emotional processing is to treat your emotions as information, sit for a moment with no distractions and name the emotion you feel. Keep trying to label it. Some might need multiple labels. After you figure out each emotion ask yourself why you feel this way. Any answer works, if you truly cannot find why, just acknowledge you feel that way. The last step is to lay the feelings to rest, acknowledge their existence, thank your mind for letting you know then contextualize how you emotions fit with reality. Be sure to look for physical tells of emotions such as quivering lips, sweaty palms, chest pressure etc.
Example: what am I feeling? Is it anger? No,I feel a pressure in my chest, I usually feel that when I am sad. Okay why am I sad? Im sad because my friend invalidated my feelings earlier. Okay does my friend usually care about my feelings? Yes they do, but it still hurt. I will have a conversation about with them when I get time.
In my experience the emotions will generally fade as long as you fully acknowledge them for what they want to tell you. Once you know what it wants you to know or explore it will fade much more quickly.
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I feel like I’m the only one in this sea of people who had parents like this, and I can say fervently that the other option - talking to the kid - works wonders. I was diagnosed with ADHD two weeks before my freshman year of high school, and my parents tried to help me. They talked to me. The pandemic hit halfway through the school year, and my parents correctly figured out that video games were the only way for me to interact with my friends. How? By asking me. They let me talk to friends. The pandemic still hit me hard as hell, being recently diagnosed with ADHD with nothing figured out. I didn’t know what ADHD was, so when I talked to them, they told me and helped me figure things out. Now, two years later, I can successfully do stuff that everyone else can like read a textbook. I’ve mostly got through that dark time of my life where I almost failed every class due to missing homework. That’s another thing: they let me fail. They actually let me fail hard. I got Cs and Bs, I had mountains of homework, etc. eventually, I got tired of having bad grades. My motivation was back, but this time it was from within. They stopped reminding me when I told them not to. Because they didn’t need to. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing. But, as a Junior in high school, I’m back on the right track. Thanks Mom and Dad for actually being there for me.
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I completely relate to everything in the video. Also, when i was little and even to this day (almost an 18 years old) i get really frustrated when trying to do something and failing, especially things that I feel like I should be able to do (like solving math or chemistry problems). All my life I have been told "hes a smart kid, but hes a little lazy", and even in subjects such as math, where I would constantly get straight As and all my teachers/friends/family members would say "hes amazing at math", now I get Cs, not because I dont understand the subject, but because I refrain from even trying to understand it. Im constantly unable to pay attention in class as I get bored a lot and extremely easily and I rarely do my homework.
Sorry for the vent, I really identified with what you said in this video. Also, I found you beacuse of Devin Nash, thanks for the amazing content!
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My partner has BPD and a lot of the things you said just apply perfectly. She had a job with a really toxic work environment and she had a really tough time there. Our relationship got rocky partially because of that, partially because of me. She got another job with a healthy and socially stimulating work environment, we worked our personal stuff out and she was finally able to quit antidepressants. Antidepressants kinda felt like they were just numbing her down. Ever since, she is more lively, active and affectionate. I'm also a rather affectionate person so we just kinda bounce off of each other.
But damn, the part about people with BPD, that they recognise frustration immediately and think it's their fault... that's completely new info for me, but it makes so much sense. Like if I just have a tiring, bad day, she just notices it in a moment, while other people wouldn't. Thank you for this video, it was a really good one.
And for people with BPD - you are not unloveable at all. You just kinda need to find that person who resonates with you and is willing to study this condition a bit. Not gonna lie, there were difficult parts, but it's worth it. She makes it worth it.
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A tactic that works for me when I remember it is the phrase "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly". It's a silly thing, because it sounds wrong, but the reality is, anything that's worth doing, on balance, it's better to do it slowly, inefficiently, weakly, etc. than it is to not do it at all. So I push myself to sometime to just do the worst thing that pushes me towards the goal. By worst I don't mean actually bad or harmful, but I mean kind of the most pathetic.
This gets around the "not enough" feeling. It's not meant to be enough. If anything, I might feel resistance because it's not pathetic enough. Then when I'm actually started, I am allowed to do more, but I certainly don't push myself to do more. It's the pushing that creates the resistance anyways.
At the start there was a fear of external judgment, but really I had the opposite. I was more effective overall, so people were happy.
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I've been journaling for a few months now but only in the last few weeks did I download the emotion wheel and now at the top of my journal I write down the emotions I'm feeling. Even during work, I will take a moment to feel my emotions and write them down. Being in tune with your emotions, good and bad, will let you build emotional maturity. If you feel sad and you cry, you will feel better after. If you feel sad and you bury it and don't feel it, you build up that sadness within you and slowly get more and more depressed.
Emotions also tell you what you need. If you feel lonely, you need connection. If you feel sad, you need to cry. If you feel shame, you need self compassion. If you're angry, you need to check your personal boundaries.
I hope this helps someone out there! It's helping me heal, even if it can feel uncomfortable at times (I used to use drugs and alcohol a lot which would numb my emotions).
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Yup, I can absolutely relate to this. Everybody I ever knew told me I would become a "great artist" later in life, because I was smart, intelligent, and had a sense of aesthetics and psychology early on. I never had to learn, never made my homework, was always 10 minutes late to school, joked around and sang during class because I was bored. The teachers let it happen, because they liked me. In 8th/9th class I tanked miserably and ultimately lost ~10 years of my life to crippling depression, social anxiety, and self-destruction.
The only way out of it is, unfortunately, to blow up all the false foundations you brought with you from your early life and build it all again yourself. You can almost never trust anyone's judgement about who you are or what you should do ever again, even if it means leaving them confused and offended, because you're so far off the beaten path that almost no one can relate.
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I'm just gonna copy paste a comment I responded to someone with. I think a lot of people here are getting confused what the essence of HealthyGamer is, but I'm just gonna give my take on it
"I think you're coming in with the wrong presumpton with a lot of these videos. These streams aren't meant to be dedicated to "helping all video gamers' and their problems", its about trying to understand other people's problems and how problems from the past can form adaptive/maladaptive behaviours that affect others years down the line. I feel like its more of an education to understand all types of people, and better appreciate what the human mind can do, both good and bad.
I sense (only viewing from your comment alone), a whole lot of frustration about your problems, and I almost feel as though the streams that you've been watching, and the "help" that you're seeking by watching these videos will somehow create a 'light bulb / eureka' moment, and that's usually not gonna entirely solve your case. As stated from his streams, Knowledge surrounding your problems is step 1, self-realization is step 2, step 3 is from you, that's implementing action. Dr. K can only go so far to help viewers identify and self-actualize, but it comes down to you to do something about it. I believe he hopes that the self-actualization will give enough motivation or an understanding about themselves that they can actually grapple with so that they can go and seek relevant, necessary help (whether that may be seeking an actual therapist/psychologist, or implementing interventions via meditation+introspection; then again thats what I believe what the AoE healing ultimately aims for)"
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I relate to this, here's some stuff I've learned.
1) Defaulting your dream to the biggest thing in the field is kinda dumb. You might not actually want to be a chef, director, author, or run a business. You might be ignoring food researcher, producer, editor, or freelance. The whole reason you're interested in the field is probably because you followed your curiosity there in some regard. What most people do next is turn off their curiosity GPS and just head for the biggest landmark and try to follow "the path to become x" Chances are you'll miss your turn for the reason you actually came there.
2) It doesn't have to be one thing, frankly it probably shouldn't.
3) Projects. Start small and increase scale over time. If you look at the careers of very successful creatives, it's basically all a cascade of projects that over time lay the ground work for bigger stuff to be done. Diligence and hard work and practice are cool and recommended, but finishing shit counts, it gives you a place to contextualize all that diligence, hard work and practice into a tangible.
4) Burn out happens, there are ways to mitigate it, but it's scary as shit initially. You'll wonder why you don't love the thing you love, that maybe you had large parts of your identity based on. Relax, and let it have it's time. If someone asks, it's on the back burner at the moment. Curiosity will spring back up again and take you in a direction you didn't have the context for earlier. But still, it's scary as shit, and none moreso than the first few times when you don't have the experience to have reason to believe it's coming back.
5) Stuff you figure out yourself > advice.
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This really makes me want to cry. I have already known for quite a while that the way I perceive time is somehow different from other people.
I am 36 now and I have developed a sort of system for myself, which very much relies on outward sources, like physical calendars, notifications, and timers, to make sure I am completing tasks in a timely fashion.
I'm really proud that I am now at a point where I can almost perfectly determine my timelines in a day, but I don't think anyone understands how much work I have to put in to make sure this is the case. It is something I have to constantly monitor and examine, in order to continue improving.
And what is even more upsetting is seeing comments online (and sometimes hearing them in person), disparaging people who struggle with time. It is often boiled down to a respect or moral issue, when in reality, my brain literally doesn't work right.
Anyway, thank you for this. I can't tell you how validating it is to listen to this video and know that I'm not imagining this phenomenon.
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This is so helpful-thank you! In terms of steps in the middle, it reminds me of the one other strategy I use for my "addiction" to sweets. Basically, it is to increase the difficulty of obtaining the sweets by adding more "steps" in the middle to obtain it. For example, I never keep sweets at home because they're easily obtainable and I have zero willpower. So, I add "steps" in the middle to make it more difficult to obtain my fav. candy bar, for example. In essence, if I want a candy bar I tell myself I need to get my keys and wallet (locked in a safe on the 4th floor), put multi-layers of winter clothing on to brave the sub zero temps so I can walk to the store at night (no driving). Then, I tell myself I have to count out all the change (no plastic) etc. etc. I make it as difficult as possible and add as many "not so fun" steps in the middle to get my fix that, in the end, it's not worth it. I mean who wants to put on seven layers of clothing, trudge through a foot of snow at night, to get to the nearest 7-11 and then fumble around like an idiot counting change for a Mars bar?
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I think I’ve really just come to figure this out last year (at age 32). I was dealing with so much self-loathing and self-pity for not being able to get anything done in my life due to a lack of motivation. Funnily enough, the thing that ultimately slapped me out of my fugue was actually a TON more responsibility at work.
I was put in charge of a new department in my company that I have 0 experience in. Naturally, this was a huge source of anxiety for me, as I had to produce work as I figure out HOW to produce it, while also hiding the fact that I have no real idea what I’m doing from clients. At some point, I just made the determination that I would no longer worry about what to do and just do it. I made mistakes, but I also ended up getting a lot of positive feedback from colleagues and clients and learning a bunch of new skills, and my confidence in myself and my own value is probably the highest it has ever been in years.
The comfort of doing nothing is an illusion, brothers. The comfort of knowing I have done SOMETHING is the real deal. Even if you don’t get the results you set out to achieve, it’s still a learning opportunity, and oftentimes that’s good enough 🤘🏻
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