Comments by "Curious Crow" (@CuriousCrow-mp4cx) on "Unsolicited advice"
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Some people think that they need a relationship to be complete. And they may be so arrogant to think they can change you into the person they really want. Hormones, and societal pressure are pretty powerful. We live in a society where if you are a woman and not hooked up to a man, you are seen as abnormal. Some people are convinced they need another person to complete them. As the poet said, "people quietly live lives of desperation." And many young women might actually fear that. So to them, every man is a lifesaver, a means to an end, rather than someone to be loved for their own sake. That's why you really need to get to know them well and get to know yourself well too. If you can't have serious conversations, about money, life, and understand what motivates them, move on.
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All contemplation is an autopsy., but even scientists have biases and beliefs. And self-knowledge is a life long pursuit. Or more lyrically, a string of episodes that can only be fully appreciated as we evolve to better understand it. And your comment reminds me of the observation of a writer known as Ramsey Dukes, who uploaded a series of short talks on Polarisation in society. And his third talk was about Objective vs Subjective, and he argues that the only difference between the two is whether society applauds your efforts in a formal way. In short, objective vs Subjective is a false dichotomy. Even when studying say, bacteria in a petri dish, your initial observations cannot help but be mostly subjective. Say back in 1931,when a veterinary pathologist first discovered the sars virus amongst turkeys in a poultry farm. You would have had to publish your findings in an a academic paper acoording to the norms of your profession. In that way, peer review of your meyhods found them acceptable, you would be published and be recognised by your profession. But what if you had written your findings in a personal diary, and you had said, "I looked at this virus I had never seen before, and I could feel my heart skip a beat with excitement. I think I may have found what was killing the birds. Hooray!" What if he had submitted this and other observations in a similar vein to an academic journal? Not only would it be rejected, but news might get out into his professional community that he was at least 'eccentric', if not crazy, and his reputation would suffer. Why? Because societal norms define what is objective and subjective, and both are highly contextual. But as in this example both presentations are true, but the subjective truth suffers when it is approached in an objective way. And the irony is, that the subjective was the foundation of the objective truth that was peer reviewed and published in a scientific journal. In academia we are taught to lionise the objective, and disparage the subjective. But in reality, objective truth is subjective truth but repackaged and edited.
Dukes recommrnds that we should engage with our subjective truths in ways that reflect their personal meaning to oneself. The examined life should be approached in the same way, because it is the act of trying to understand it that creates meaning. This is why great literature like "Madame Bovary" and Marcel Proust's "In Search of Lost Time" exemplify the power of the subjective and ways to engage with it which gives it meaning, and ourselves self-knowledge, and wisdom too. This is why the best literature is antithetical to human complacency. Philosophy as taught seems to ignore the subjective, but only because so often it isn't examined or tested against reality. In truth, we're all in Plato's Cave with regard to ourselves. We have to acquire the habit of honest self-reflection throughout our lives to know ourselves, and see the light.
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But what you miss is that the word God is commonly used to mean "sky daddy", and as atheism is a direct challenge to established religion, i.e., an institution claiming an overriding cultural and social hierarchical exercise of power, it imperative to acknowledge this existing tension. For me, being a potterer through this landscape, I begin with the question who or what is God? If I cannot find an answer to that, then it makes it difficult to proceed further. Peterson avoids that question, and thus misrepresents atheism in an honest way. Atheism is all about the "Sky Daddy". It denies that the Sky Daddy is real, but to deny the Sky Daddy is not to say the moral values in the Bible has no import. Indeed, rejecting the Sky Daddy leaves the Bible to stand or fall on its own ideas and moral lessons. And that's leaves it stronger IMO.
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Unsolicited Advice from a stranger: don't confuse the map with the territory. Always compare the map with your experience on your journey. Maps, categories, frameworks, or descriptive theories, are abstractions of reality, designed to be useful within certain contexts, no more, no less. A famous British Statistician said: "All models are wrong, but some are useful." A very astute observation, because abstraction deliberately includes and excludes information. They are analytic tools, but limited because they are designed to be so. Before you subscribe to any typology, framework, or model, always put it through a SWOT analysis - investigate its Strengths, it's Weaknesses, the opportunities it provides to who and where, and its Threats or shortcomings - what it doesn't tell you. Then you'll be able to decide how useful any such framework really is. Humans have a fondness for pigeonholing, simply because our brains evolved to cognitively organise things to make them easier to remember. Yet, one should never forget that the only constant is change.
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You make it sound like it's so easy to leave. You wouldn't say that if you knew why they wanted to be in a long-term relationship in the first place. Not just because they say they love you. What about loneliness, security, boredom, fear, social status, etc. Etc? Women have feet in two worlds - liberation or tradition. They get mixed messages about their worth, and still face misogyny. So think have a man will complete them. Some want children more than anything. Some want the wedding, but have no clue what they want after that. Get to know your prospective partners really well, and you will find out very much who they really are. Don't let the limerence or sexual desire mislead you. Take the time to get to know who they really are, and what they really want. Then get to know yourself too. Then nobody can be misled by not knowing what the deal really is. If anything, if they're not the right one, at least you should be good friends. Good luck.
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I think you misunderstand ritual. It's simply that repeating an action with intent legitimises it's importance to you. An effective ritual is not based on the external props, but on its meaning for you at the time you carry it out. So you may, every anniversary of the death of someone you care about, and go and light a candle in a Catholic church. All you might do is find an open Catholic Church, walk up to the candle stand before the Virgin Mary, drop some coins in the money box, take a candle from the stack, light it from another lit candle, and then put it in the candle holder. And stand in silence for a few moments. You might pray a short prayer and whisper "I miss you, love." And then turn around and go home. The more you repeat those actions the more you strengthen the importance of the person you commemorate. Ritual takes you out of the hustle and bustle of your daily existence and give you space to affirm what is important to you. Ritual is so potent because our cognition has evolved to pay attention to patterns. And Repetitions Legitimation And the ritual can be as banal as Going to a football game with your mates every Saturday, every season, year after year, after year. Or wearing a piece of jewellery someone special gave you. Or carrying photo in you wallet of someone you love. Your lucky socks for interviews. Whatever. It makes you present, intentional, and focused in that moment. You are truly here. That's the point. You're not on auto-pilot, but creating and reinforcing meaning for yourself. All the actions and props are to keep you in that state of mind, until you are purposefully ready to return to the fray. You don't need to make a fuss or go big. Just be intentional about it, and repeat it.
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We are human, in whatever context we find ourselves in. You think we haven't been here before? What do you think the 1st Industrial Revolution did? It wrecked people's livelihoods, sometimes forcing artisnal workers to surrender their independence and become machine minders in factories, earning less, and at the beck and call of their employers. And it will keep on happening because we fetishsize profit and efficiency. But unless we find meaning in our inherent humanity we cannot organise for AI to be used not only to eliminate workers, but to augment human skills. If you don't think you are worth more, then your right. If you think removing humanity from the equation is unnecessary to a degree and detrimental to progress, then you're right. But you have to do something, even if it is actually deeply and constructively thinking about the subject, because you need to survive, right? Then you need to decide how, and even more why you want to.
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