Comments by "Deborah Freedman" (@deborahfreedman333) on "Scholar identifies alarming trends among US men" video.
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Sorry, but I grew up in a era, when girls often weren't allowed the same educational opportunities boys got. I like math and computers, but was told I couldn't study engineering, because I was a girl. I went to UCLA as microbiology major, and just took a bunch of computer classes. I was very good at it. So, when I graduated, and got my first job, it was as a computer programmer. I was told I had to be in support, because only males were allowed to be in development, even though the guys complained, and told management I was the better coder. I found out I made less than the guys, in the same job. I endured sexual harassment, from a project leader, who couldn't code his way out of a paper bag, and tried to treat me like a secretary. When my husband and I had children, he refused to help with anything, and I had to quit my job, to care for them. I started grad school, in CS. But, when my husband's boss talked to me at a party, and then mentioned to my husband, that he wanted to hire me, my husband insisted I quit grad school, and started sabotaging my projects. So, now men find themselves, in the same place women have had to inhabit until about twenty years ago. I find it hard to feel sorry for them. It isn't that things are unfair for poor boys and men. It is that finally they are fair for girls and women, and men can't cope.
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My son-in-law is in the same situation. He fell in love with my daughter in high school, when she was 14 and he was 15. He asked me how he could marry her, and my answer was be there for her, whenever she needs help. They were the best of friends through high school, and into her college years. And although they dated other people, he was always there for her. She finally started dating him, when she was 22, and then they moved in together. But, still, she would not marry him, no matter how many times he asked. She was worried because he only had a HS education. They bought a house together, and struggled, then thrived. He supported her as she went to grad school, and got an MBA. At the age of 34, she became pregnant with their first child, and they got married. She makes more money than he does, with lots of benefits, but he does very well, and runs his own flooring firm. He is the more loving parent, and always there for their sons. It works, mostly because they adore each other. If society could get over it's preconceived ideas, that the man has to be the smart one who makes lots of money, and the woman the nurturing one, it wouldn't matter that women are often better educated.
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If women seem less than upset by your predicament, remember women were only allowed to fulfill the role, you now find yourself in, until very recently. Only the man's ambitions mattered, and families would move, if he found a better job elsewhere. It didn't matter that it took the wife away from a job she enjoyed, or her friends and family. Only the man's feelings mattered, and women's were dismissed as hysterical. If they felt unfulfilled, they were belittled, or institutionalized. I'd think your new-found insight, into how society makes light of traditional female roles, would enlighten you. Instead you seem angry and bitter. If you're doing your jobs well, take pride in the fact you're a good househusband and parent. Instead of whining about how badly you feel, remember women have felt like you do, until this century. Work to bring more recognition to job, of maintaining a home, and caring for children. You should get social security, the same as someone who brings home a paycheck, as your work is also valuable, if unpaid. Become a warrior, working for recognition of how valuable you, and the countless of men, and mostly women, who do the work you now find yourself doing, are.
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