Comments by "Lautaro Quiroga" (@LautaroQ2812) on "HealthyGamerGG"
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The friendzone take from Anita is clearly from a compilation of terrible experiences with potentially manipulative guys/rapists lol
I'm someone who got "friendzoned" (I say it this way for simplicity's sake) constantly all the time and the only one to blame was myself for misunderstanding. Also it literally ties directly into the previous topic of "men don't get emotional support (and intimacy)". I had a lot of female friends because on certain traits, I vibed much more with them than with guys. And then that whole mix led up to me, a young dummy, falling for my friends. "Recognizing" after a while that I liked them (which is a stupid thing on itself). MAYBE there was an unconscious "plan" of "i'm going to be a great guy, so she will like me" on certain occasions with "new people" like that new girl that got into your class in school, but other times I fell for people I had already known for a while. But it was never a matter of "I wanna fuck this girl and if she says no..."
And I'm someone who has a hard time empathizing with others on many aspects, I am working on that trying to get better so maybe it will take time to me internally to understand this better. But as of now, I care for the sex worker as much as I care for Stephen Colbert, James Corden, Jimmy Fallon... I don't. They are entertainers. They are doing things for "quick pleasure" and their content IS disposable. I am sorry if that is harsh to hear, but whether it's sexual content or not, it is not something that (generally speaking) can be perpetuated as "the greatest thing ever".
I feel bad knowing that firefighter volunteers (with no salary) can't pay the rent of their building so the station has to close (you read that right). People that ALSO have a demanding job, that put their body under a lot of training and stress and risk their lives to save yours; can't feel the same for someone who is twerking on a penis. This way of thinking of "how things should be, therefore this is completely wrong" almost never yields results and it ends up written off as "people don't care, people won't listen". Technically to an extent, it is true. But that is not how it works. The reality is different. Reality is actually what "is" and gives us ideas of what "it could/should be" or what it "couldn't/shouldn't be". Stupidest example to make my point: LoL, Dota, etc. were games that were thought to be "cooperative multiplayer games, pairing 5 different players for a common goal - destroying the enemy's base". And yet more often than not, that doesn't happen or happens not in the best way. I don't think devs ever thought "yeah, let's make it this way so everyone is really toxic". It's just what happens. And there are processes to these things. It doesn't happen from 1 day to the next, but over a period of time. So could this be better? Should it be? YES. Of course. Is it wrong to be toxic in the game OR steal someone's work? YES. But bad people have existed since forever. That is reality. If this is such a problem: Why don't they all unite to shutdown free pornsites, especially the "official whitelisted ones" like Phub. Why don't they get together to create a paid service so porn isn't free anymore and they lower the risk of stolen work? And the last point is no one forced them to do that type of work. Porn is not new. It's something that has been done for ages now, so getting "into the field"... you kinda know what to expect. So you knowingly got into it. That shouldn't be a thing to blame society for. Of course they are consumed and they are a product. Because that is the type of work they do. They're as much of a product, to an extent, as Meryl Streep or James Hetfield. Not to me, I have the opposite take where I don't care who you are or what you do, you're human to me like everyone else, including myself. Which in turn gets me into some trouble with people. But I'm talking in general about the rest of society. They will dehumanize sex workers as much as they do night show hosts, youtubers, musicians, etc. It's a line of work that sadly makes people get this stupid idealization of the other person, whether the idealization is positive or negative, and when that isn't true, there's shock. There is a second layer on which Anita is right, and is that if Jimmy Fallon died tomorrow, people would "care". It would be for the drama or whatever, but they would know about it. But I feel that is also because watching a late night show in your living room, isn't "problematic" vs having a list of your favorite pornstars to which you jack off every night at 35 years old, which makes it something "hidden" and "taboo" topic.
PS: Some things she said were articulated perfectly, I actually learned a lot and gained perspective. Other things she was skating into space on how judgmental and one sided it was. I don't blame her, we're all the same to an extent depending on the context. But some things were like compiled into this big hypothesis that didn't make any sense.
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Because things were shitty and I thought "oh I'm going to play a game to have FUN" but then you see people playing it the opposite/wrong way (By higher elo players/teams standards) and they make you lose the game, if not straight up troll you.
"I'm just playing for fun!" they say, but they are queuing in a ranked match where you would "expect in theory" they would do things the best they can to win, as a team. Worst thing in LoL for example, is you can't quit. They force you to stay in in-game jail wasting 20 to 40+ minutes of something that will be completely useless or without a good outcome.
Imagine going to a store, and the worker makes you wait 40 minutes there until resolving your issue, but that is every day, and every time you cannot leave the store or you lose your turn. How will you not be upset/mad about it? The third or fourth time, you will jump over the desk and fight them, lol.
I'm not saying it's correct, It's just what makes you upset. It's ironic however, because you're upset about the "loss of time" or waste of it rather, yet you are playing a video game for hours and hours. I just think it's more of the systems implemented by games that cause this rather than just the people "being toxic".
Same happens in mmo raiding. If I want to progress and try harder with better gear etc, I can't have 3 morons who like to play for fun and make us wipe all the time and they are ok with it because it's enough for them. And a lot of people don't admit or want to accept that they suck or they purposely make you waste your time without playing well. It's much easier to say everyone and everything is toxic and negative, and so you "tilt" or can't focus because of the negativity. Lies. That just tells me you never played a sport as a kid.
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I just finished listening to Nico Rosberg's interview to Toto Wolff. And the main take from that is "if you're poor, you care about having. If you're rich, you care about purpose". I recommend anyone who wants to listen to a very talented and wise man say some stuff.
Bringing that up here, I make the connection on the part of Destiny talking about his Cuban side of the family. Cuba is shit. Despite of what many people try to tell you, if it were such a paradise, everyone would go there. Not as bad as Cuba, but here in South America, a lot of people struggle and it's both cultural and economical. As Dr K said it's completely reasonable and understandable they think that way even if it's quite dumb. But it's because they are not used to looking back over their shoulder and be able to choose to go to the 2nd bathroom in the house. Or sometimes even be doubtful on deciding what meal they are having tonight for dinner, if any.
Had a recent fight with my mom over things over the last 18 to 20 years, and it ended with her saying she wasn't gonna change. Once I got that in my mind, I don't care anymore about any complaints or frustration. I mention this in relation to Destiny's question asking how would you approach or start the conversation with someone who is so set onto pursuing happiness as the acquisition of material things. My take on it is that sometimes you could try, but overall, the mindset of that person is set to always get more things, and often times due to their opportunities in the place they are in, their life decisions, ignorance on finance, etc. they're often times in a hole they can't get out of (several debts, or never finishing a project like a house, etc). That person is always going to put that in front, and say they aren't happy because they don't have money. They have yet to experience "the good life" and trying to get more money they get more than 1 job, thus reducing their life just to that and losing the ability to have time for themselves. "I don't have time to exercise", so on and so forth.
It's not until they are truly defeated by the fact when they realize that the pursuit they were on didn't yield good results and they are still feeling like shit. Whenver they are conscious and stop caring so much about having things (aka they don't give a fuck anymore and they stop trying as hard), that is the opening to let them see that all that spent time was somewhat of a waste or badly managed.
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Same, but not quite. My background is much different than reddit's OP, yet I have had the same issue. I've always been "against the current", much more critical, skeptical and always tried to have my own opinion or take on things. I found myself debating (with myself...) A LOT of times if I was just horrible or an idiot myself. I have discovered that on certain things I was, more specifically on how I approached certain things, but then with a broader look... that was the problem with me, not that I was stupid.
Plenty of times I doubted (and still do) myself, but then you go to instagram and see girls in outfits "dancing" to tiktok songs for 15 seconds, call that content and have 50k likes. Now, dancing in a video is not wrong, dancing to music is not wrong, and I am aware that likes don't mean shit, generally speaking. But it's the whole package and the idea that "people settle for this" or "think this is cool/funny". Like what are you, objective and effectively, looking at? Are you there to jerk off to the girl moving her hips? Is it because she's hot? Do you actually enjoy seeing this? Why this and not an actual performance with actual dancers that put in the work to make something incredible?. Why do they do it? Do they actually think is cute or cool? Or are they just grifting/taking advantage of an easy way into a market? We will never know, unless they tell you privately to your face.
I don't think I'm stupid, I don't think EVERYONE ELSE is stupid, because I knew and know some people that are fucking amazing. That said, I do think a lot of people are stupid. And I don't think for myself that I'm productive or smart either, I just know I have a lot of awareness and can explore the topics (any topics) from all the POVs presented if the participants are willing to do the same. But that is rare, exceptions I would say.
Almost everyone has their own beliefs and opinions, and they are usually one directional, which makes them what we call "close minded" and also, sometimes make them discriminatory, judgmental and/or aggressive towards you or the rest who think differently. And the cherry on top is that all of them truly believe that what they believe is correct. So is not that all of those people act out of malice. It's like there's some innocence within that stupidity.
OP Should take solace and comfort in knowing that he is, in his own way, so exceptional, that it's very very hard to find people that align to you. Which means that you are there to help those who truly want to be helped, truly listen to you and truly care about your thoughts and opinions.
I'm not some guru, certainly not a professional psychiatrist/psychologist, and I've had wrong encounters with majority of people I met in my life at one point or another. But those few times when they were in dire situations and asked for help, I was there. And the feedback it's usually along the lines of "wow, no one told me that this way" or something like that.
That said, if you truly want connections, you should be aware and know that you have to adjust yourself to fit the context. It's not necessarily lying or pretending, I think there's a difference. If you're actually a genuine person, in general, it will be very hard for you to pretend something completely opposite. But if you know you have to give up certain humor in certain circles, or not say certain things you think because you know it'll be a waste of time and stupid drama, etc. now you're not pretending or hiding or lying, you're basically in damage control so everything goes smoothly.
It's something somewhat ugly to say for most and it shouldn't be this way, and also sounds so interested. "Oh, you want no problems to get things out of people", but this selfishness only comes after you are self aware and deep in thought of what the origin of your intentions are. "Why do you want a friend?". For that matter, anything anyone does is "selfish", from that perspective. So it's either that, or just go live alone in the middle of the mountain. There's a lot of broken people, we could even say all of us have some broken piece in us, but there isn't many who are both broken and self aware enough to take things as they are, instead of personal. And now with the internet is much worse.
I guess it isn't not being "smart" for me, I am 100% open to the mistakes, no matter how silly or dumb, people make. It's just a lot of them always have an excuse or aren't humble/honest with themselves. And they aren't honest either about not fixing it or not doing it. That's why we have morbidly obese unhealthy people being in front of magazines as models for example, which is outstandingly ridiculous. And at the same time, everyone has a word to say for overweight people, but not a peep for underweight. (kinda like I'm doing right now, ironically enough, yet I am aware of that, conscious and I admit it, and truth is letting out my thoughts and throw them in a bottle into the internet ocean keeps me somewhat sane and healthy, at least thinking that maybe 1 person will see it and it helps them out. But it's also true some people will be completely against of what I just said here, some, half and half.
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I see Asmon and Dr.K, I press like and take it to favs. Haven't been watching HG videos for a while, wasn't ready to "open the bottle" but last night was really bad, and this came up without even knowing. Godsent. Although I don't believe in god. My mom forced me to go to catechesis as well! Horrible 3 years.
I wouldn't say unsuccessful people "know" what the problem/solution is. I'd say they think they know. Because also, what does success look like? What is success? Is it having a 15M dollar mansion? Or your own small house that is yours. Is it having a car, or being happy to ride a bike? As you talked about big castles and climbing mountains. Let's say for the sake of this that "unsuccessful" means "poor" or "not being able to afford a life where you can relax". There's plenty of cases of people in these situations that are on a hamster wheel, and they can't relax because they have to work, and have to work because if they relax they won't have money and lose "all what they have" which in the first place, is not even that great, that is why they're aiming for something better. And they dig this hole where they do a lot of things, a lot of times more than what they can/should do, without really thinking through and that is when they put themselves in a job that consumes all their time, or is very demanding for not a big pay, or they are the only ones who actually does the job to a T while others just do very little and leave, or they get into debt because at one time money wasn't enough, so they took a loan, and then another loan to pay the first loan and so on and so forth. And after 20-30 years, they're bitter, frustrated, resentful maybe, but ultimately very very tired. And they attribute all the bad things that have happened to the fact that they couldn't have a second for themselves because they had to work.
It saddens me about the fact that, at least what I feel, this is not a conversation nor a realization anyone can get. I think at some point you have to be really sad, or meaningless/without goals, or feel lost and have the doubtful thoughts. As Dr K said, have the experience. A lot of people go through the motions of getting out of school and into college, a relationship, a first time, a car, etc. as "something you need to do" without realizing that no one forces you to have or not have, or do or not do certain things.
A dumb but clear example is, if you ever felt this way and opened up to a friend, and him or her telling you "Oh don't worry, it's going to be fine. It will get better, you'll see. You just need time". Or worse, they start talking about themselves. And at that point you're not upset only because you didn't get the answer you were looking for but also, and more so, about the fact you realize this other person can't even remotely relate to what is happening to you and what is feeling you with doubt.
It's been a while now since I've been "stuck" in this place where I recognize the importance of detachment and even though I was able to do it to some degree, my question still remains: How do I do, or what do I do, to have internal fulfillment? Do I do things I like? At some point that loses its enjoyment. Do I just accept the fact that I will never be truly happy for myself so I better try to help others? What would I do for myself, if the things that I wanted to do before are like 10 years ago from now, or right now and not in 10-20 years in the future? Is detaching yourself not caring at all and being ok with whatever, or being consciously acceptant of whatever happens and their outcomes? Can you confuse the two? How do you find meaning in things to work on towards (mountains to climb) if they're going to happen in the future, but at the same time you detach yourself from it making it somewhat meaningless or hard to enjoy/fulfill you? If the outcome "doesn't matter" (meaning you learn to not be outcome driven), then what is the purpose of doing anything at all? Why is doing things better than not doing anything and just waiting to die? Or is the fact that you are going to die, regardless of anything, make it more valuable to do things in the time you are here? And I understand Zack's fear of anticipation and acceptance of it. You cannot not accept it when it's right there and happening. It's like the patient with cancer who died. It's there, you know it's going to die, and then they die. It happened, you need to accept the fact that you tried to help him and it didn't work. But before they die, you are doing so. You're trying, perhaps even restless nights of thinking how the hell are you going to do to help this person.
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Well, because you weren't out in the "house of a friend" playing DND and being a good boi. You were skateboarding, aka inhaling some glue. At least that's how it works in some parents' minds. For my father, tattoos and ear plugs were signs of clearly selling weed and committing crimes even though a lot of my friends actually took good care of all of us younger people, prevented us from smoking, told us not to drink too much, some took me home on their bike to make sure I got there safe, etc.
But you have to understand a parents' perspective too. You're out and about all day long doing something that, in their eyes, is not truly productive and leads to "bad stuff". And they don't hear from you for hours or an entire day or more. It's logical for them to think you're a drug addict and you'll end up in jail. I'm not saying it's correct, but it's understandable.
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"She and X are just bad" some say.
This is exactly why Dr K is THE RIGHT PERSON to do this and why Steph is one of THE BEST person to interview right now.
Great video Doc, as always. Keep it up!
I would encourage you to actually be proud of the dislikes. It means you are bringing up topics and/or people others dislike, which means we NEED to talk about it. Now, here's my take and my 2c's to Steph:
As someone who is honest and direct, even been called "brutally honest" before, there's no denying my ways aren't always the same (edit: meant to say best). Even if I also scrutinize and pick my words specifically, and what I'm saying is a true fact, it comes off rude and aggressive. I'll use the example of your clip.
Now that you've explained yourself, I AGREE with you 100% on the fact that: A lot does not mean "most" or "all" and the fact that you did say "a lot of". It's a fact, it's on video. I think the issue is "gamers". Society has a big issue of feeling alluded for certain things they might not be part of. I was one of those "gamers" on the outside feeling "attacked" or "threatened" thinking it was your perception of "most of us" being white supremacists and whatnot (which is also a common narrative nowadays, so that doesn't help your case). If you had said "A lot of you in chat" or "a lot of you" in general, it'd be different. You are also correct in the fact that "a lot" depends on context. That is why to me "gamers" is the problem. There's millions of gamers across the world. Imagine if you said something like "A lot of basketball players are so dumb". Does that mean most or all of them? No. But now (because of what I stated before regarding society) a lot or most (or all) of basketball players are going to start wondering A) is it me you talk about? or B) Why do you think that about US?. Being X means you're part of a group. It could be applied for transgenders or LGBTQ as well, where they rage and cancel everything. Listening to you here it shows you think your stuff through, plenty. And it was wonderful. So maybe you wouldn't care personally, but MOST would care if I said "A lot of transgenders are fucking crazy" (read this with a Joe Rogan voice and now you have another drama clip, lol).
So all in all you used the right words and you stated a true fact. However the targeting of a group made it sound like from such an insanely large group around the world, A LOT of them were what you said. And keep in mind, at least colloquially, we use "a lot" to say "there's much of something" (and not little). You never say "there's a lot going on" when there's just one thing happening in your life. You say a lot when there's 3 or 4 or more stuff happening which in terms of life going, are many things at once.
Also, I hate the fact everyone made content out of the clips and none of them had you to talk about it like Dr K did. I hope I can get things soon to start my stream and start the show I want to make, so those things don't happen.
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As a PRO-crastinator (professional castornator) and now being older, I've learnt a couple of things and I'd like to push back just a little bit on the "value" part of things. So, Dr K mentions doing the dishes, admin stuff, etc. which to me those are "low level tasks". As a starting point to getting yourself "used to" doing those, it's ok. But as time moves on and you get used to it, as long as you ALWAYS keep in mind to have a "limit", the tasks remains with the same value.
Example: Oh, I don't wanna do the dishes right now, it's 10pm and I'm tired. I'll do them tomorrow morning. If you are CONSCIOUS about the fact that you are "setting up the future self", then you can do so. It's like a self imposed limit. Ok, fine, no dishes right now. But tomorrow, I have no lives left (in the game). So you HAVE to do it. You ran out of Estus Flasks and rolling away/iFraming will only get you SO far. So you MUST do it. When you do the breakfast dishes, you do the rest as well. This is not about always leaving all the tasks for "tomorrow", but rather giving yourself TODAY some margin. Otherwise at some point you'll end up feeling that you're "under pressure" or "under a routine" as well, and it will feel so fucking boring that you'll end up procrastinating regardless.
This also comes with a second part, very very important. The VALUE that you assign to the tasks are two-fold: First, what you think of the task itself, and second what the task will provide you, whether is short or long term.
Example: Doing the dishes is a low level short term task. Doing them will provide you with clean dishes. But maybe, you have more than 1, and having a couple dirty at a time does not bother you. So doing them today or tomorrow DOES have the same value (as long as you keep that limit I mentioned before to not fall into the procrastination pit again). However, studying (not memorizing, but learning) stuff for your upcoming exam... that is a HIGH level long term task. It's cumbersome, kinda boring, and 99% of us hate it. But trust me when I say do NOT waste away that time. You can't go back, you can only move forward so take advantage that you are there in the first place. Yes, studying sucks ass, but in 15 years all of that work will totally pay off and the amount of peace that will give you in certain aspects cannot be described.
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