Comments by "Dan" (@Dan-di9jd) on "Better Bachelor" channel.

I'm nearing 40 and haven't been on a single date yet much less had anyone talk for more than a day or so. Assuming you're both of somewhat similar age, I do believe attractiveness plays a critical role in coming off as creepy or not. I am somewhat below average and found that I have a hard time talking to the opposite gender even if the encounter wasn't for romantic reasons (cashier, receptionist, etc). I am hard of hearing so oftentimes I have to look at someone's mouth to understand them and I guess they might think I'm trying to look at something else.
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Keep in mind it's for ONLINE dating. She gets 100s of messages a day and probably wants one or two to stand out. Online dating you're getting a 17% chance of success but she probably just shifted her chances down to the single digits by requesting someone write an essay. Either way, I don't think online dating is a good indicator of what the dating pool is like.
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I always thought I would end up single in life but one day someone came along who I love very much. All I can say is that oftentimes people force things and end up sad and disappointed. Just live life, and wait for someone to come along. It'll be worth the wait in the long run. You'll both know you were waiting for each other despite the fact that you may have tried dating, marriage, and so on.
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I’m nearing 40 and painfully single. I hear often about how bad it is to be married but I wouldn’t really know. I really want to be married but fear no woman wants me. People say it’s a blessing but I’m thinking it might be a curse and people try to lie to themselves to make bad things appear okay.
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I wonder if one of the guys that submitted maybe did a test to see if she's willing to ask for a essay then maybe she is willing to actually read it. Maybe he put in some things in between to check if she'd bring them up.
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Here's the problem: online dating sucks. Women will get hundred of messages a day and I'm guessing she wants to see a standout one other than the generic "how are you" ones. It's not that she's making a bad request. Online, she'd probably ignore you, but I'm thinking in a social situation, she'd be a lot more responsive to what you might ask even though they're the same questions that might get you ignored online. Online she's going to be a lot more picky about what she wants because you sort of put yourself out there with your profile and if it doesn't stand out in some way, then she's going to just hit that next/ignore button.
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@TheSuperappelflap well in that case, just say goodbye. I didn't say to be a SIMP. I said just talk to women out and about instead of relying solely for online interactions where she's more likely to ignore you without even reading your message. You could be a really great guy but she won't know that unless you have a really outstanding profile and can really stand apart from the 100s of other messages she might get. That doesn't mean she's replying and looking at all the messages but it does mean she'll be a lot more selective and therefore losing some otherwise great men. If she is a good person really looking for a good guy and just having bad luck, then she'll want to be with you especially if you be brave and talk to her in person where she can find out a lot more about you and know instantly if any chemistry is there. In any event, good luck with finding your girlfriend and as I said you can't control all what someone else does. All you can do is do what you can do and simply bail out as soon as you discover some red flags.
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@TheSuperappelflap Also, if after you meet her and you realize she's still doing online dating and reading messages, I would immediately leave. Do not even talk to her about and just go. There are a lot of bad women out there and it's all about knowing the red flags and bailing out. I'm pretty sure if this woman claims to be a nice person just wanting a nice guy, then approaching her in person will yield a lot better result than sending her a essay about why you should be together. Just don't take things personally, don't talk about "all" women, and just approach her, find out what she's about, what she's doing, and if she likes you and if it all good, then act in good faith until you find out enough info to make an informed choice. Just be clear that you want to be exclusive, that you want to be with her, and see what she says. If she is really an honest person, she'll take the time to tell you what is on her mind and what she might think of your relationship. It's painful to hear someone say she doesn't want to be with you but the sooner you discover that, the better off you are so find out early, ask early, and don't turn into a simp begging her to stay.
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@TheSuperappelflap well sorry to hear you're having so much trouble. I met a girl who seems to be very much into me and I'm very much into her. I'm totally ready to bail out if I see any sort of red flags that would tell me she's not going to be committed to me and me being committed to her. I did tell her that if she ever wants to be with someone else that I am totally cool with that idea and will not fight it but she says that she wants to only be with one man and not try dating others. I'm not really sure what to say or how to find one but I guess maybe a bit of luck. I did try online dating and as shown in these kinds of videos, you get some weird cases. I think I was moderately successful with online dating and feel that it should be a supplement to you going after women in person where you can not only really see them but also know if you're attracted and there's a level of chemistry.
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Keep in mind this is ONLINE dating. I'm thinking you'd have a way better interaction with her in person but I'm thinking most guys would be hesitant that she has a 4 year old child and probably wouldn't go up to her to strike up a conversation unless they know her. I would advise most men, and women, to avoid dating apps. It's just too easy to fall into the trap of finding someone that you believe is perfect all by reading what they put on their profile or what pictures they put up. Instead just try in person and try to strike up conversations. You'll be pleasantly surprised. They're looking for someone just as you are!
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I grew up in the 90s when online dating was for what most people thought of something a serial killer might use. Yet in modern times, it seems like it is one of the primary ways to meet someone. The only thing I regret about my dating life is that had I known that a majority of women would try dating apps over meeting in person, I would have tried way harder back in post college to meet. Either way the right person will come along so I wouldn't really stress about when or how you may meet someone but just don't try too hard and don't take online dating too seriously as a indication of what women might want.
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That obviously becomes harder as you age but your advice is spot on. You should wait for the right person to come along and don't just be with someone to be with someone. You'll oftentimes see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear until you don't and even then you might be in denial. It's okay if a woman to try something before you and it's okay if you do as well. We're all humans and we'll all make mistakes.
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It's hard to say what her dating profile looks like or what it says, but maybe the guy thought it was funny and maybe he's a writer or something so it's not a major hassle for him to write something out on a whim.
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@julius-stark True, but remember this is ONLINE dating. It's harder to show that you're authentic when you can simply click Like or send a simple message. So I understand her thought but I think you're right that both parties are at fault here. She shouldn't solely rely online or expect much but as a dude you should be using online dating as a supplemental to going out and trying to date.
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@julius-stark Personally I think before you start typing up that essay you should in turn go ask out 10 women on a date in person. Be it random meeting or just at places you know. That will get you the "buy in" to waste your time writing up this essay if someone didn't say yes. From my experience, 4 out of 10 will give you her number and agree so my thought is you won't have to write the essay and probably laugh at yourself for even considering it.
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@julius-stark sure but my thought is the more you don’t search it finds you instead. Having standards great but chances are the woman for you isn’t anyone you think. I always thought I’d be single for life but suddenly like a freight train I got struck by this crazy little lady who stole my heart. I could care less about her past but she does meet your criteria no tattoos, no kids, no piercings beyond the ear and she’s of pretty good size. So best of luck and as I said don’t expect things with online dating as everyone on it sucks. You have a 17% chance if even landing a date much less a relationship. So dating online is rare regardless of your high or low standards.
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@julius-stark I’d also imagine with this lady’s request of an essay she’s probably reducing her chances of finding someone to the single digits online. It’s probably best she drop the profile and subscription and instead just go with the flow and not put a timeline on herself. Some guy will come along for her eventually and it’ll be a lot better and he probably won’t have to write an essay. As you said some desperate dude is going to follow through and hopefully at the very least with his efforts she’d at least let him go on a date but I don’t know as I said online dating sucks. I recommend just not having high expectations at all but don’t settle for someone you don’t like or want. Have a list of absolutes and follow that.
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Disagree. No matter how feminine a woman is or how independent she is the fact is love predates language and intelligence. Every female no matter how hard she tries is hard coded to respond to a confident and assertive guy. Point is she can’t see that online. So the truth is the day guys stop simping online dating profiles and go out and meet actual women that’ll be the day the world changes back to the way it was for millions of years.
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@AMC2283 problem is that’s all I could conclude since no woman wants me. I just wish I could have a choice and make a conclusion one way.
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@AMC2283 eh I heard that one a million times before. I asked a lot of girls out and they all said no in some way. I’m not sure what is wrong with me but it looks like I don’t really have a choice but to stay single.
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