Comments by "Jack B" (@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing) on "Late Night with Seth Meyers" channel.

  1. Picture, for one second, what would happen if Obama complimented the Taliban in even the most oblique fashion
    996
  2. Stephen Miller is what happens when you bury a Proud Boy in the Pet Sematary. Sometimes dead is better.
    651
  3. Rudy "investigating" Ukraine is like OJ investigating his wife's murder
    421
  4. Donald Trump: the fake Rolex of Presidents
    417
  5. Ok. I've seen enough. If she and Aubrey Plaza don't get cast to do a NetFlix reboot of Laverne & Shirley together, I'm finding a new planet to live on.
    198
  6. Yes, please. I don't want to hear a damn thing about anyones campaign until at least February next year. Just one damn year of candidate pimping free bliss. I get it, it's an industry in the billions of dollars now, but enough is enough. The damn Primaries aren't until NEXT summer, FFS. Candidates: Campaign Spam Fatigue is a real thing, and we're tired of hearing from you after just a few weeks. Learn to be fashionably late.
    185
  7. "How dare he not come up with a solution to an unsolvable problem that we created" - Republicans who started it all to begin with
    157
  8. I feel like Don Jr is single handedly helping the Cartels keep their balance sheets in the black
    146
  9. Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Czar Putin knows just who you Are The tape is with the FSB And they'll tattle about the Pee Unless you do just what you're Told You won't survive prison because you're too Old
    124
  10. Good god, when Seth hits the Drama School switch, he goes HARD, son
    117
  11. A nuke. Into a hurricane. A US president said this. Everything else just pales in comparison to that.
    114
  12. For those unfamiliar with Tyler: This doesn't do a good job of encapsulating Tyler's art & flavor Look up "Nose to the Grindstone" That will make you legit misty eyed, belts out the feels and stands the hairs up on your neck
    109
  13. "Adapt to that" Boy, Republicans are REALLY excited about investing in Soylent Green, aren't they?
    104
  14. Seth's mom has been training him for this day since he was born
    100
  15. When you realize Fred, of all people, be hiding in a corner thinking "Man, this dude is a trip"
    88
  16. He would tweet a response, but it's too much effort
    85
  17. George RR Martin has entered the chat
    81
  18. Jesus, he literally looks like an orange Pepe the Frog
    77
  19. "It was the one armed man!" - Donald Trump, after getting dimed out by Rick Perry
    74
  20. Every time I hear that idiot say Space Force: PIGGGGGGGS INNNNNNN SPAAAAAAAAACE !
    73
  21. Well, you heard the man. We all gonna starve because Jed's e-John iDeere Smart Tractor can't get a 5g connection
    72
  22. Ya know, everyone keeps talking like they know who was in that audience, or where they drew them. "They were Bernie Bros!", "NO! They were hand picked by FOX!" I don't think ANY of you know where they came from, and are looking for spin where it doesn't exist because the notion of Sanders being applauded on a Fox stage is just too strange to comprehend without grasping desperately for theorycraft
    69
  23. It certainly was a job like nobody has ever seen, alright
    65
  24. Pack the court. PACK THE COURT. PACK. THE. COURT. While there still IS a Supreme Court.
    63
  25. Pack the court. PACK THE COURT. PACK. THE. COURT Get over any historical dislike of packing the court...it's in the rulebook, and this is an emergency. So do it.
    59
  26. The lady is the Hipster's Marilyn Monroe
    55
  27. It's an optical illusion, he's borrowing Conan's torso for the day
    52
  28. We laugh, but KFC really did one up this by putting a chicken strip between a pair of glazed doughnuts. I mean, how the hell do you top that? Truth is stranger than fiction.
    49
  29. Oh, I hate that Antifa. Refused to take a picture with me at a party once. She's cousins with Wiz Khalifa and Queen Latifah. - Trump's Inner Monologue
    49
  30. God, I miss the days when we used to think Tammy Faye Bakker used too much makeup. Trump looks like a bomb went off in a Mabeline warehouse.
    46
  31. BUT WHO DREW THE DICKS ON THE CARS???
    46
  32. For a Nigerian Prince, Bannon sure is pasty lookin'
    46
  33. "We can always feed the Poor. What we can never do is satisfy the Rich." - Unknown
    46
  34. "Popes are celibate" **laughs in Borgia**
    43
  35. Republican Senator: We believe in a free, unregulated market and small business Me: Sooooo....you're legalizing sex workers? Republican Senator: ***head explodes from paradox***
    43
  36.  @johnbrowne3950  Because those jokes write themselves.
    43
  37. I dunno, in today's fashion it costs a lot of money to look Steve Bannon bummy. Dude is probably wearing $3 million dollars worth of layered Derelicte and trash-can LL Bean
    41
  38. Legends say sharting in front of his cousin-wife is Rudy's idea of foreplay. Not just for perjuring himself in front of state legislatures and getting side-eye from Jenna Ellis and playing She Who Smelt It Dealt It.
    41
  39. Trump so weak, he gotta start twitter beef with a dead guy. And is LOSING
    40
  40. I'll take this as an incentive: An Emmy for this scene alone This was as rapid fire and accurate as Colbert's Keeping Up With The News hentai
    39
  41. Scarlett Jost sounds like german slang for Red Wedding I'm really hoping RR Martin wasn't the wedding planner
    37
  42. Trump Supporter: Technically, he's right. But you Libs won't give him any credit because of your Deep State Common Core Math. George Soros! Benghazi! Uranus 1! Seth 'Bowling Green' Rich! Baba Booey! Baba Booey!
    37
  43. I found the OJ verdict, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" & Ollie North's congressional testimony more believable
    36
  44. Stop harassing the interns. Did you learn nothing from politics?
    36
  45. Portland Will. Not. Submit. Not to him, not to his gestapo.
    35
  46. I won't be surprised when I, and everyone I know, start getting calls from Trump telling me the warranty on my vehicle is about to expire.
    34
  47.  @freddudek  You're not a "someone else" until you have enough of a brainstem to have thoughts. The cerebellum doesn't even begin to develop until the second trimester, and the cerebrum after (that's the part with thoughts). Try reading a book that doesn't start with "In the beginning God created...", or rather, having someone else read it to you like a child
    34
  48. Makes sense he would have the largest election effort in American history. He already had the largest one in Russian history.
    34
  49. Note to self: If ever in charge of the payroll of Cops, don't stop paying them. They will come and talk to you about it. At home. At 3 AM.
    34
  50. When even the Furries are giving you side eye over your bizarre fetish, you should probably feel a little shame
    33
  51. Eleven out of Ten waters agree: This storm rains very wet - Donald Trump
    32
  52. Neither was the last 3 times they sold their country out. First, America, so they could become Mexicans Then, Mexico, so they could be independent Then, America again, so they could be part of the Confederacy It's almost like treason is their Go-To move in all things
    32
  53. Seth is just poking at Oregon jackals to get a reaction at this point. The last Blockbuster is here in Bend, and it opens at 10:30 every day. He just instigating now.
    32
  54. if any lowly enlisted serviceman played with Russians like he did, they would be in Leavenworth making big rocks into little rocks
    31
  55. My fellow Americans............we're about to free the s**t out of you.
    30
  56. Technically, you have the right to an attorney once you're under arrest... Since no one seems to get around to putting the cuffs on Lord Lawsuit here as he spins the legal system around like a dog chasing it's tail, can we suspend his right to have an attorney? The savings to the court system alone make this a good fiscal move.
    29
  57. It's nice to know that when it's time to do something stupid first, we can always count on the Dixie States to blaze that trail
    29
  58. I think the Kurds already have dibs
    29
  59. I feel like powering the electric chair from renewable resources would send a good message and raise awareness. You KNOW how much he just loves windmills, after all.
    28
  60. For the love of god, you've had 2 years off. Would you pleaaaaase take him back now?
    28
  61. Tomorrow we get to watch Biden repo a jet from a deadbeat
    28
  62. That "President" may not have explicitly said he wants to catch a bullet with his face But damn is he implying it
    28
  63.  @old-fashionedcoughypot  And Orphan blood
    27
  64. Especially when extolling the virtues of Sinaloa Brand cocaine™
    27
  65.  @spookrockcity  Upvoting yourself is a failure. Shame. Shame. Shame.
    27
  66. If only she could have warned us in the movie that the Idiocracy wasn't actually hundreds of years in the future, but just a few presidential terms away.
    26
  67. MQRA. Make Quasimodo Rake Again
    26
  68. He came dangerously close to committing excessive use of passive-aggression. I want to see the body cam footage.
    25
  69. It is pretty hilarious to hear him talk about how he would punish treason. Dude literally never got past the "I am Rubber, You are Glue" phase of grammar school.
    25
  70. And they're going to wave guns at you until YOU say it's beef, too
    25
  71. The next big Trump opportunity zone is Palestinian turf. Jared spent so much time in Israel to seal the deal with Bibi, because Trump Org is in the Israeli real estate game now that the West Bank is up for grabs.
    24
  72. Eric?
    24
  73.  @Maja-Danmark  He knows better than to make direct eye contact. The pack responds badly to aggression. Passive aggression, on the other hand....
    24
  74. His Gettysburg address after winning the battle of Bowling Green really gets ya in the feels, too.
    24
  75. I'm a Priceline man myself, but upvoting you anyways
    23
  76.  @d.263  Because it's too exhausting trying to keep up. Their production rate is phenomenal.
    23
  77.  @RealBradMiller  As long as we get a Canadian Brewhouse in my town, I'll sign the treaty personally
    23
  78. Seth might die in S2 of Game of Jones. May the odds be ever in your favor
    23
  79. The under 30 crowd is already there and sewn up. It's the Over 50 crowd that is fooled any time someone like Chris Matthews autistically shouts "COMMUNIST!" the moment someone suggests that your tax dollar should deliver some return on investment to yourself & ordinary people rather than General Dynamics and Shell.
    23
  80. It's almost like an Xzibit meme. Yo Dog, Installed some cancer so you could cancer while cancering.
    22
  81. Pretty sure Captain AwfulStache would go from Zero to Sue in 3 seconds if someone started #MyPillowGivesPeopleAIDS and it began trending. But hey, he's claiming 1A privileges, so lets find out.
    21
  82. Same. I love any reminder to Americans that we're pretty much the only assholes in democracy with a 2 party system. And it's not even an official system. Just us living the same trainwreck of schadenfreude politics decade after decade.
    21
  83. I recognized that expression right away. Seen on the face of every professional, patient, long-suffering bartender who's ever had to manage another drunk old A-hole until the Uber arrives. If only she had the authority to cut him off by the 6th kool-aid, but he will still try to drive home because That Guy is the one who always says "I drive better drunk"
    21
  84. He doesn't need Seal Team 6. What he needs is 6 More Justices. They have the Senate, he can literally ram them through confirmation and pack the court.
    21
  85. Ridiculous was Devin Moones saying "Republicans have no way to communicate"......while being broadcast on Fox "News"
    21
  86. Elon isn't even an Astronaut. He won't take a ride in his own rockets. He's more of an astro NOT Wait, are those rich tourists still trapped on the ISS? He should send them cheesy movies. The worst he can find...
    20
  87. Sad that most of us won't be alive anymore next week.
    20
  88. We prefer the term "Helpful Assholes"
    20
  89. Didn't you know, Seth? Only you can prevent Ya Burnt Smock. By raking the floor.
    20
  90. "Constitution" You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. - The Constitution, Congress of the Confederaton of 1787, & Oxford Dictionary
    19
  91. "With what, her third child?" In Arkansas, that's known as the Graduating Class
    19
  92. Srsly. Even Colbert is trying to low key bag him out tonight
    19
  93. I need a Jackal Nation beanie to go with my Wrist Strong bracelet
    18
  94. John is one of those cryptic Hollywood figures you thought had passed away a few years ago, apropos of nothing, but you could just swear he wasn't long for this world And then POOF! He pops up like the bogeyman and reminds us all that he's still freaky and kicking, too weird to live but too rare to die
    18
  95. He keeps using that word... Well, that and alot of the other best words. Like Law, Constitution, Best....
    18
  96. FEMA and WHO have become just more victims of the Conspiracy Industry.
    18
  97.  Vengeful Revenge of the blue November  No, he's right. We live in a nation that we have never fully admitted was rife with overly-enfranchised cults and swaths of the We The People gravitating towards those cults. Because it makes them feel like the special, chosen ones in a massive nation where most people feel insignificant. There's a brand for everyone, and a sucker born every minute. Those cults tend to overlap in action and ethics like a Ven diagram, be they political, ethnic, or religious. We have been failing for centuries to enthusiastically separate the influence of pervasive cults from our state and private matters.
    18
  98. He looks like Robbie Rotten's spoiled little brother. And WTF is up with his fake ass teeth??
    18
  99. Teacher: "Well you see little Timmy, first in 2016 it was a team of 3 million Mexican ninja illegals invisibily going from state to state voting for Crooked Hillary, then in 2020 Biden's liberal Postal Service began sending everyone who wasn't a WASP up to 10 ballots. But thankfully, Emperor Trump knew the truth, put his hand over the Nuclear Button and then never left. And that's why you work in the Coal Mine now. Praise Trump." - US History as taught in 2045
    18
  100. It's so redundant for Seth to even bother telling us it's a Scollins. We KNOW it's a Scollins. Everyone can tell when it's a Scollins.
    17
  101. President Trump: Innapropriately touching your inner child
    17
  102. He's Jim Jones, but without the tan
    17
  103. I find it amazing that garden-variety Americans still have no idea what the Paradise Papers are, or that it links to ALL of these Dollar Store Bond Villains around the world and at home
    16
  104. New Yawk superhero.
    16
  105. If you think this is bad, wait until 10 years from now, when the bell tolls and the bill comes due.
    16
  106. I can't wait for The Onion to not be so literal anymore
    16
  107.  @ricky18redblack31  Stop. Just stop. The moment a Conservative spouts off about Values, what they mean is what they value is unspeakable, and they know it. They're not stupid enough to define that what they're valuing is apartheid, oppression, power, supremacy doctrine, social darwinism at gunpoint, and feudalism. So long as they are the Lords. They cry for 'small government' only when they are up to no good, to the ruin of all others.
    16
  108. The Royal Buggy had a license plate that said "Fresh", and it had dice on the mirror
    16
  109.  @mv80401  It's the Conviction part he always dodged, because Republicans gonna Republican.
    16
  110. Wait til he tries the Bagpipe Bong
    16
  111.  @guacamolekid3899  No one wears 'body armor' slacks, much less a repurposed circus tent. GTFO with that garbage
    15
  112. Florida: The further North you go, the more Southern it gets
    15
  113. If there's one thing I can't forgive, it's the way he's convinced so many people to roll around without the slightest concern. I'm seeing it all over the streets right now, and businesses, who doubtless figure he's on their side, literally having employees not wear masks. Just saw that when I took my truck in for services at the Dealership. Every customer: Masks, trying to keep distance, not buying Trumps deadly BS Every employee: No masks, kept inviting me and everyone to get a cup of coffee, have some popcorn, and hang out in the lounge. And their desperation to upsell was at an all time manic level.
    15
  114. I feel like hippies didn't even to put up with Nixon's bullshit this long, and he had 2 terms.
    15
  115. Trump: Gets COVID Majority of America: If he dies, he dies
    15
  116. You must be in Austin. The Southern Portlandia.
    15
  117. This is the one case where I would say we should not bring them ALL home from the 'Nam.
    15
  118. The Sky is not real because Birds aren't Seth. Grow up.
    14
  119. Republican mouthpieces: You must adapt or die by rolling the dice with your life with the disease. Only the strong should survive. We won't think about the children. Also Republican mouthpieces: We cannot allow businesses to fail because they cannot adapt in this time of disease. Won't you think of the cash registers?
    14
  120. 'Muricans are so rebellious that the harder you try to give them good advice and education, they harder the mass of them will try to be "rugged individualists" fighting back against the evils of the Edumacation Macheen. Like if you get 20 80's Goth kids together in a room, and they proceed to tell you about how they're "expressing their individuality" while looking identical
    14
  121. This whole segment was nothing but low brow potty humor. I salute it.
    14
  122.  @daveroberts6884  There's a reason his supporters are such fans of the Dixie flag: They want to destroy this country. The flag says it all. And he was the perfect agent for them, for hostile foreign powers, and for those who could see wealth & opportunity in picking the bones of a dead America.
    14
  123.  Jay Bee  And still none of them were commander in chief. You're not getting around this one, Poindexter.
    14
  124. Bird World Problems - When your family totally implodes before the Turkey is even served StalkingStuffer - That cousin who lurks the kitchen, plate in hand, trying to gyp all the stuffing before Dinner Grandma Got Run Over by a Wine Truck - Pretty much self explanatory, and usually followed up by a.... HeBrewHaHa - When the family Matriarchs get sauced up with enough wine to start sharing what disappointments you all turned out to be, aka The Drunk Jewish Mom Speech
    14
  125. Dear Germany: Can we please borrow Angela for a few years? Just a couple, we swear. Until 2020. Maybe. We will see how it goes.
    13
  126. I got a grandkid now, and it's funny because he actually snoops around my house, and touches all my toys (snowboards, surfboard, skateboards, BMX bikes, dirt and street bikes, SCUBA gear, paintball guns, etc.) and all my old Army uniforms and stuff hidden in the closet. HE actually think I'm cool, and calls me teach them him to do all this stuff. But he always...sneaks around my daughters to do it, because they are still stuck in "My dad is embarassing" mode and say it loud and often around him. They are very fond of reminding me I am "Immature" because I still got hobbies and am in no way sad about being divorced. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Go nuts with your grandkids, and teach them to live life and not be a bunch of squares. It's the best revenge against your kids.
    13
  127. These crossovers have gone insane and we're about to have a time-space rip of s**tcan proportions. Fun fact: S**tcan alley is a UNESCO world heritage site.
    13
  128. "What's the greatest John Carpenter Movie" Mine, Seth. Obviously.
    13
  129.  @tyinva1212  Well, you don't sound smart either, just nasty and basic. Because he's right. The responsibility for determining when fire prone areas need preventative measures like backburning and identifying fuel risks IS the job of interagency cooperation between Land Management offices and fire departments. Sincerely...a Type II firefighter
    13
  130.  @jackintheville  The Halal one
    13
  131. It always starts with Blood and Soil with them, but their real lebensraum is a full 1.6 Gallon Flush & some Triple Ply
    12
  132. You know why Colin and Michael are so popular right now? They explain their jokes. Because that's the kind of audience America has become in this century. An audience that needs jokes explained and an alibi provided.
    12
  133. That we think being banned from one of many social media platforms is some important measure of justice worthy of intense public scrutiny just hightlights how completely fu**ed our priorities have become. We shouldn't be talking about his Twitter. We should be talking about whether or not he will be serving his sentence in Guantanimo for leading a terror movement caught in the act of treason.
    12
  134. We deserved to be lampooned, and Carrie and Fred did it well.
    12
  135. She can't get enough of me.
    12
  136. The likeness between Goebels and Stephen Miller is uncanny, as is Ted Cruz's doppleganger impression of Joe McCarthy
    12
  137. Good. Alex Jones will finally get The Chair.
    12
  138. That someone like Tucker Carlson losing his job is massive news speaks directly to how F'd up the world is right now.
    12
  139. I'm almost sad she didn't throw in a 'You all look the same to me' just to throw Seth out of the saddle
    12
  140. Damning with faint praise. You should see the shitshow that is his fridge. Who keeps all their taco bell sauce packets and McNugget dipping sauce? Honestly.
    12
  141. I originally misread that as dismemberment. Curiously, I felt it was just as valid a thing to say.
    12
  142. It just amazes me how someone who clearly failed high school Health class could be a Senator with a legislative opinion on the subject. Apparently they can't remember the definition of a Carrier.
    12
  143. I left Britney alone once. And look how that turned out.
    12
  144. I've always said Trump was a Ballchinian. But nooooo, none of you wanted to listen to me.
    11
  145. Jackals have to graze SOMEWHERE on a Sunday, after all.
    11
  146. He had almost 3 fewer million votes, yet he won in a "landslide" of 227 to 304 electoral votes. Add to that conservatives literally believing Fox that an outbreak is a "hoax" and take great pride in flouting any quarantine. If Biden does manage to edge him out in the EC, it will be by the slimmest of EC margins and will result in ConspiracyPalooza by Right Wing Media and Trump engineering recounts.
    11
  147. His base thinks Trump is revenge for a black guy being president, and they will burn the country down before letting it happen again
    11
  148. Define "Alive"
    11
  149. Murdoch is running out of English speaking countries he can flee to.
    11
  150. I suggest the DNC hire the Lincoln Project to run their 2022 election messaging. TLP is not afraid to call a spade a spade, and they sure as hell ain't afraid of hurting the feelings of traitors.
    11
  151. But with Manchin & Sinema there, even with Vice President voting for dems and Warnock clinching Georgia, it's more like 50-51 in Republicans favor.
    11
  152. He really loses the accent when he's sober, amirite?
    11
  153. The jackal in me wants to tell Seth that aged paper discoloration is called "foxing" But I won't. I'm not that passive aggressive.
    11
  154. That we ever lived in a world where Donald Trump was made into a celebrity since the 80's demonstrates that we've been in the Idiocracy for a long, looooong time.
    11
  155. I mean, technically we should be calling our cars "gas wagons" and bathrooms the "mostly used to poop room", but sometimes you gotta go with the better branding rather than the more ascetic descriptor
    11
  156. "You're farm people" You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons. - Jim
    10
  157. Dear Brits: Why call it a flat when they're usually in a building stacked on top of each other? Seems like a Stack to me.
    10
  158. I'm almost impressed by Trump's ability to not break rhythm while crapping himself on stage
    10
  159. Jesus Murphy, no... Edit: In fact, stop saying that. End this meme right now before he gets wind of it and Twittershits it out in the next 10 minutes
    10
  160. He's a master jabaiter, and the entire jackal nation can't resist. It's in our constitutional bylaws.
    10
  161.  @goldwincs  Well, look on the bright side: People are going to see a living example of the difference between a memelord and someone who is legit funny
    10
  162. Even Cobra Commander is trying to distance himself by saying he's become a "Libertarian" now. Which is like saying "BASE!" when you've been cornered playing tag.
    10
  163. "Woke mob cancels neckwear" My Evil Liberal Agenda sympathy just went up another notch.
    10
  164. Winkler not only regifted a hat he didnt want, he got Tapper to legit thank him for it Bloody mastermind
    10
  165. Thankfully, that silly southern twang in their accent serves as a helpful warning sign that what you're about to hear is nothing more than the neighing and braying of barnyard animals It really does prove one is as dumb and salty as the stereotypes suggest.
    10
  166.  @thisisutubnottwitterwhyhandles  Filibustering a full senate vote for SCOTUS nominations is no longer allowed. That's a rule Republicans made so they could ram THEIR 3 justices through.
    10
  167.  @grakkerful  They got their benefits packages and sleezed off into the sunset. Especially after Ryan led the charge on multiple spending bills that run up deficits while going Blah Blah Blah about fiscal conservatism regarding anything that actually helped veterans and working people, and practicing none of it when it came to spending contracts and sweetheart business tax bennies.
    10
  168. I also recommend Sausage Party and The Onion Movie for children. Highly educational, rich in fiber and protien.
    9
  169. New Biden Administration Strat should be: Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their lobbyists
    9
  170. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what 3 WIS and 3 INT, and 18 CON looks like Because if you're gonna be dumb, then you better be tough
    9
  171. When the Idiocracy met Orwell's Oceania.
    9
  172. It's like when you see some of the Daily Show crew get together, past and present. Just pure joy.
    9
  173. A Potato would feel bad losing to Walker. At least the potato has some nutritional value.
    9
  174. Rake Gate has been SOOOO memeworthy today
    9
  175. "I'm Cobra Commander™, and I approved this message"
    9
  176.  @vadimastprojects8770  As a post-doc grad of Agitator University, can confirm: I was there
    9
  177. Sadly, Meatloaf would have been there either way
    9
  178. He's on the Dick Cheney health plan. He just eats orphans and gets free heart transplants with his Heart of the Month Club membership
    9
  179. She fought in the battle of Bowling Green with Seth Rich
    9
  180. Blood and circuses for the Pro Wrestling crowd from a guy who promised to throw the Brown and Gay into the Arena. They ain't worried about bread...take one look at them and you can see not one of them has ever missed a meal.
    9
  181.  @DPowered2  And he offered to be a narc for Nixon.
    9
  182. He tried to infiltrate the DNC without DAAAAA HAIRS
    9
  183. We all know Bernie would look more like Yoda. Hell, he already DOES look like Yoda.
    9
  184. I have higher standards for mobsters. At least they're experienced law professionals. At breaking it, sure, but it's not amateur hour all day long.
    9
  185. The only thing he has in common with the Constitution are the letters C, U, N, and T
    9
  186. Joy is the kind of guest who is in the green room having alot of those wine popsicles.
    8
  187. @MomoTheBellyDancer Yep. It's been a courtesy for Congress to have the Justice Dept. handle (and jail) those who commit contempt of congress, but the Sergeants at Arms are not obligated to go through them. They and their subordinates are fully badged law enforcement officers in their own right that work with the Capitol Police Chief, and do not answer to the Attorney General. It's been all courtesy and team work between them up to this point. Since there is no (useable) capitol jail, and they can't trust the DOJ when the AG is in on the caper, anyone they do put in cuffs will likely have to be held in a DC precinct jail until they are tried by the House. The lore & story of the Capitol Building "jail" is too convoluted to cover here.
    8
  188. lol @ the rubes who thought this segment was about making actually funny plays on words, not groan puns meant to make Seth look awkward, which is funnier "Scotty, you just don't get it, do you?"
    8
  189. My god. I think you got to the bottom of the mystery. Putin own the controlling stake in Orville Reddenbocker & Pop Secret! It's all so clear now....
    8
  190. The Alpha Jackal will always be Leave 'Em Alone guy
    8
  191. Barry Goldwater would be a radical liberal to today's Conservatives And he was jewish, so that's an automatic showstopper with the Tiki Torch demographic They're actually getting more Confederate every year.
    8
  192. Bigots throwing money at you to channel their bigotry for them, and a Party made to weaponize exactly that kind of behavior It's a growth industry. Limbaugh, Hannity, Stone, Jones, O'Reilly, the list goes on and keeps growing. We just call them Republicans, even when they lie and say they're "Libertarian"
    8
  193. "This Presidency is so half-baked and toxic it literally skipped past food poisoning and went straight to Cancer. Honestly, who thinks Tea Pot Dome involved doilies and a cozy? You gave up a King for this? God save the Queen. Old tart that she is, still better than this."
    8
  194.  @mws8389  <--- that whole Nuke-A-Hurricane-With-A-Straight-Face plan was the Gold Medal winner right there
    8
  195. Next thing you know, some draft dodging All-American 'Hero' actor will try to be the next John Wayne (who never served) and have his fans and allies in government assault and imprison American citizens he doesn't like...the kind of person might even try to become presid....oh wait.
    8
  196. Red meat is PART of your health. But only about 3 oz a day. We did evolve on it, for hundreds of thousands of years so let's not muddy the waters with misinformation. Veganism causes malnutrition medical effects in the long term that Vegetarian or Pescatarian diets do not. That still doesn't change the fact that Republicans have jacked up the Bullshit Meter to 11 by trying to appeal to the Anti Vegans.
    8
  197. Because it happens online, its technically an e-Jackalation.
    8
  198. When he said he was 'touched' by Republicans who told him not to let 'these people' see him, he should have realized they were telling him 'We have a mob, and I've sent them after you. Run, hide, resign, whatever. But don't let my people see you.'
    8
  199. He's just lucky we live in the era of widescreen TV's. If you watch him in 4:3, you'd be forgiven for thinking the image was from a funhouse mirror
    8
  200. Ft Polk. Heard it around Alexandria all the time. Thought people were putting me on. The worst part of getting new orders is when the accents start to rub off on you and your fellow meatballs after just a few months on post.
    8
  201. This segment was nothing more than immature, low brow potty humor. And I salute it.
    8
  202. If anyone could be called an expert on Lynching, it's that fine southern dandy Lindsey He was probably called in as a consultant
    8
  203. I think you're mistaking PEE Diddy for R Kelly....still, totally meme-able. Well played.
    8
  204. From the moment proceedings began a while back, that judge was being a total nut.
    8
  205. The Emperor had humbler origins once too. I'm uncomfortable with where this could be going in another 38,000 years.
    8
  206. My old drill instructor: Nobody is completely useless. Even if they can only be used as a bad example.
    8
  207. Don't think we didn't see what you did there
    8
  208. Sweet Fred's makeup was more believable
    8
  209. 5:49 Heavy-breathing Trump remix is pure nightmare fuel
    8
  210. Donald Trump is like Wierd Al. You're nobody until he's come after you, and then you know you're a success.
    7
  211. Never trust a well-fed Wildling. Did you see alot of ranchers or farmers over the wall?? Me neither.
    7
  212. It's a Disaster flick mini-series. Was syndicated and hoped to get signed for 2 seasons, but cancelled before the first season finished because of low ratings.
    7
  213. I'm old enough to understand that reference. I am sad now. McConnell level sad.
    7
  214. The Nintendo Generation is middle aged now...imagine the kind of LAN matches, piercings, and bad tattoos you're going to see in retirement homes in 15 years
    7
  215. Ba-zing. But a fabulous Ba-zing.
    7
  216. Because they wanted those Americans dead. They LIKE that news. Bubba wants a fascist white Ethno state, and Daddy Warbucks the Conservative CEO wants to fund another rich kid tax cut by wiping out swaths of eldery Social Security recipients. His base are Purge fanbois, and he's delivering.
    7
  217.  @ricku9487  Standard foreign clickfarmer profile.. The same ones paid to lurk every CNN and MSNBC video and copy paste comments en masse. Even the most cursory glance at the profile: Using a generic American name pulled straight out of a phonebook, a bunch of generic pop music subscriptions, but failed to hide that they're really Indonesian.
    7
  218. And a missed opportunity to make it Grape flavor
    7
  219.  @pixpusha  Something about a the interwebz being a series of tubes, I believe
    7
  220. We had trash cans on at least every 2nd corner in Portland in the 90's. Clean-ish streets. At least by our standards. We're wet and grimy as a rule. City gets cheap in the early 00's, loses all our corner cans and closed all our public restrooms in the parks under the BS argument that it "encouraged homelessness". Dirty streets. Everyone asking why, like it's some big mystery how trash doesn't evaporate. Edit: The worst part is...they brag about adding "700 new cans" (in cleaner outlying suburbs), but didn't bother noting the disappearance of many times more cans closer to the center, where they were needed.
    7
  221. We're gonna build a big, beautiful wall, and Earthlings are going to pay for it - Zaphod Beeblebrox
    7
  222. Yup. Let's give the millenarian, fundamentalist Bible Thumper and Inquisition Trainee waiting for his Kingdom Come moment the Nuclear Button. People bummed out because Judgement Day didn't go down shouldn't be given the power to usher it in.
    7
  223.  @accuratealloys  Funny, I'm looking at this thing called the Constitution...second thingymabob says something about a Well Regulated Militia... Wasn't aware every asswipe with a credit card and a Cabellas nearby was on Title 32 orders with the National Guard. If you're going to use the word "Rights", maybe try getting it right.
    7
  224. If he's older than you, you can call him Big Government
    7
  225. Post-conversion therapy Elton John
    7
  226. This sketch is so relatable. I also prefer powder to pills.
    7
  227. We all saw the writing on the wall. It's why I invested early in MacroHard
    7
  228. I always thought Chocolate, but wish to remain neutral on the subject
    7
  229. Scollins is a classic example of 'Worst person you know made a great point'
    7
  230.  @mcairborne82  And Benedict Arnold was Washington's right hand man, who slaughtered his old regiment he himself once commanded. Didn't make him "our boy" any more than the South Carolina Militia under Captain George S. James firing on Ft Sumter (there's that 2A being used exactly as written) was our military. The Confederate States of America was formed 2 months prior to the attack anyways. So yeah, not our military.
    6
  231. As a former Arby's employee...I can relate.
    6
  232. To the ancient Persians, we were known as Chamrosh. But frequently confused for chimeras and manticores. Honest mistake.
    6
  233. Wouldn't it be a crying shame if the Teamsters made Trump pull a Hoffa because of this?
    6
  234. Classic example? Two words: Ozzy. Osbourne.
    6
  235. Serial killers don't get away with as much When you kill people as a politician, the cops don't start looking for you. They start voting for you.
    6
  236. If he was allowed to roast their responses, I would be all for it
    6
  237. Just to be that guy, I'm going Imperial, but declaring every ounce measurement in Paperclips just to piss off everyone Therefore, my Royale with Cheese has an uncooked patty weight of 113 and 1/3rd paperclips.
    6
  238. It's like an old Carson interview with Bob Newhart or Richard Lewis. They've known each other forever, so it's just the two of them swapping Whooshers at the speed of light, because it's all Green Room conversation to them. There's no Bit. No Kaufman antics. Just insider chit chat.
    6
  239. Roy Moore's loss reminds me of a Chris Rock joke: "I haven't seen this many pissed off white people since they cancelled M.A.S.H." And Seth has more right to make a gay guy joke than either of them, because technically he could date one :P
    6
  240. I don't understand how no one has named a strain of weed after him by now
    6
  241. Bob Dole doesn't like 3rd person alliteration. Bob Dole. BOB DOLE.
    6
  242. Ladies & Gentlemen, The cast of House Trump Steve Bannon: Robert Baratheon DJ Trump, Junior: Joffrey Baratheon Eric Trump: Tommen Baratheon Vladimir Putin: Tycho Nestoris Jered Kushner: Euron Greyjoy Donald Trump Senior: Tywinn Lannister Alex Jones: Walder Frey Micheal Cohen: Jaime Lannister Stephen Miller: Gregor Clegane Donald Trump: Cirsei Lannister James Mattis: Ser Bronn James Comey: Ned Stark Rex Tillerson: Grand Maester Pycell Mike Pompeo: Grand Maester Qyburn Sebastian Gorka: Peter Baelysh Chris Christie: Sandor Clegane Sarah Sanders: Ramsey Bolton Sean Spicer: Roose Bolton Tiffany Trump: Myrcella Baratheon Ivanka Trump: Hodor Rod Rosenstein: Lord Varys Omarosa Manigault: Margaery Tyrell John Kelly: Randyll Tarly
    6
  243. It even beat the immaculate crustacean
    6
  244. I suppose they're better qualified than Olive Garden. Because when you're there, you're family. Including your anti-vax Uncle Larry.
    6
  245.  @brittanymiller3157  <--- this person sees the truth Rudy picked a crime team, and took them to the championships
    6
  246.  @jefolson6989  As someone who has spent too much time being followed & hassled by Florida cops for owning a Volkswagen Rabbit in 90's Jacksonville: You, sir, are scientifically correct.
    6
  247. OMG. I keep clicking. And it just keeps going back and forth without showing me the wisdom I seek. THERE IS NO GOD.
    6
  248. I miss the days when it used to invite an FBI probe for links to domestic terror groups But apparently they don't bother until a Cash Register is threatened.
    6
  249. Back in my day, Micheal Jackson was white. Not dead.
    6
  250. Barista: "OMG! I love your movies! Can I have your autograph, Mr Bale??"
    6
  251.  @SignedDiamond  if you mean that people weren't campaiging and fundraising early enough for the 2016 election, then all I can say is WTF are you TALKING about?!? That was a 2 1/2 year campaign cycle. We were being beaten over the head every 2 seconds with ads and candidate coverage in the spring of 2014. If that's not what you mean, then you have my apologies
    6
  252. But...we're all supposed to be dead? You know what I speak of We ALL saw it. Don't act like you didn't
    6
  253. You really have to give her credit though. As a bulletsponge, she's top notch. She magnetically attracts all the bad press that should homing in on at least 2 dozen GOP house and senate members. They stay safely out of the limelight, because the media is busy picking that low hanging MTG fruit. "Pay no attention to the Magician setting up his trick, kids. Watch this clown."
    6
  254. We finally broke him, and now Seth has gone full Wario
    6
  255.  @markmac2206  Hey. I saw that.
    5
  256. We've all seen Seth's parents. And his mother is a fuckin' saint, sir. We've all seen the Trump family. They're just a poseur mafia clan.
    5
  257. "Do you like Gladiator movies, Joey?"
    5
  258.  @LividImp  They're paying them in double potatoes today to triple their stupid comment quota
    5
  259. He's like a Communion Wafer with legs
    5
  260. I dunno if there's room enough left in the pantheon. Wally takes up a lot of space.
    5
  261. Ours in high school was Dog Fart. Then we tried Sensei Swag, Toronto-saurus Rex, Brad Nailer & The Independent Porno Contractors, The Waffle House Poets Society....etc. To this day, I have no idea why we never landed any gigs.
    5
  262. The Oilers...excuse me, Texans...did great and punched above their weight and saw a wildcard seed this year. JJ has nothing to be sad about. The goddamn Browns were in the hunt for a surprising length of time as well. And they're normally the Channel 26 news team of the NFL. "That" questionable discount package of bacon.
    5
  263. That's because we all drove Saturns
    5
  264. Is it really lying when he's that senile? Oh, I'm sorry. He's fake rich. We have to call him "eccentric"
    5
  265. Make a movie out of it and bill it as "The Adventures of Buckaroo Rabbi Across the 9th Dimension" Lithgow would have to make a cameo, though
    5
  266. Bernie/Beto 2020? That's alot of white male privilege, tho...
    5
  267. I, for one, welcome our new High Inquisitor Overlord Barrett with open arms.
    5
  268. Why do I feel like Michael Che was responsible for that Brick and Burlap Sack bit?
    5
  269. I swear, Wally is really Mad Dog Mattis after retiring and discovering weed and moon pies
    5
  270. We were so innocent then.
    5
  271. Christ, I KNEW I shoulda spiked the ThanksGiving punch bowl with some LSD. Would've made last night an actual HOLIDAY
    5
  272. Trump's base already trying to get him to say Jihadis burned Notre Dame, and he's already hinting he's willing to say it
    5
  273. At the end of the set, it's considered polite to Clap
    5
  274. So wise.
    5
  275. As a Browns fan, I identify with Republicans, too. It's a real condition, people.
    5
  276.  @christopherweise438  Schlemiel.. Schlimazel.. Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.
    5
  277.  @demondog9482  Actually the guy he shot was an uncle of a friend of mine. And of all things, Harry Whittington apologized to Dick Cheney publicly for the bad press he had to "endure" after Dick blasted Harry in the face with a load of birdshot. Cheney never publicly apologized to Whittington for shooting him. Now that's crazy town party loyalty.
    5
  278. Yeah, but Fred is the Lisa Simpson in this scenario
    5
  279. I don't think the French, of all people, can throw any stones at the US over an arms deal. That's a comparitively small nation to be the worlds #3 arms dealer. An arms dealer that keeps getting caught breaking security agreements about who they sell to, what they sell, and for how much.
    5
  280. Mr President, Question #1: Putinstoogesayswhat? Question #2: I'm thinking of a number between 11 and 12. Question #3: If I put you in a round room, say, an office, and told you to pee in the corner, could you do it? Question #4: If your wife leaves Trump Tower at 30 miles an hour, and a Porn Star is arriving at 40 miles an hour, how much money would it take to pay either of them off?
    5
  281. 7 days.
    5
  282. In any other alternate crazytown universe, I wouldn't find it believable that a potato would have to win a runoff election against Herschel Walker. At least the potato offers some nutritional value.
    5
  283. Just remind his kind how 1865 ended for them
    5
  284. Me registering as a Republican, then voting against them during elections: It can see our tripwires. Maybe it can't see this.
    5
  285. Republican Standard Operating Procedure: Rip a loud one in a crowded elevator Also Republican Standard Operating Procedure: Point at someone else and shout "Disgusting!"
    5
  286. Can confirm: The rocks in the cave are even less comfortable to get up there.
    5
  287. That's because there both was and wasn't a cat box
    5
  288. There's not an 8-balls chance in Florida that Hannity would want Trump to take a whiz quiz and have the honest results announced. But I do. Test them ALL. Monthly. They do it to US Servicemen.
    5
  289. Good thing Bob Dole never won
    5
  290.  @mena376  COOKIE? Did someone say COOKIE?!? Me want cookie..nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom
    5
  291. I mean, it's no Between Two Ferns, but hopefully is between two toilets. I feel so bad for that studio's janitor.
    5
  292. I brought my kid back stuff from the bootleg bazaars in Baghdad. I scored him a pair of Adidos in 2004. The brand with 4 stripes, lol. He couldn't understand why I kept giggling whenever he went off to school when he was in the 2nd grade
    5
  293. Speak for yourselves. I'm waiting for another TP stuck to the shoe AirForce 1 extravaganza
    5
  294. I find myself more concerned with how the hell he got ahold of Roger Stone's glasses. I have questions.
    5
  295. Time for that Writ of Contempt of Congress Been hoping to see the Sergeant at Arms drag a punk member of a punk cabinet into the chamber to await his trial sometime in my life just because it would be awesome to watch men who thought they could get away with anything get away with nothing
    5
  296. "Well, I got my health My John B Stetson Got a bottle full of baby's bluebird wine And I left my stash somewhere down in Preston Along with thirteen silver dollars and my mind" - Colter Wall, Thirteen Silver Dollars
    5
  297. Mansplaning: Being the guy who tries to let ladies with children put their baggage in the overhead bins first, then realizing there's no room for you, and it won't fit under your seat. So you try to keep it in your lap, but the stewardess takes it from you and throws it into a bin 4 rows down with a pissed off look, wondering why you didn't put it away yourself
    4
  298.  Jared Budler  Not what? British? Finish a sentence in English if you're trying to make a point. And the British are the ones who called it Soccer until the 80's, so they can lump it, just because they changed their minds later on doesn't mean anyone else has to conform to their naming convention vanity. Blame them, they coined it.
    4
  299. Why do I feel like she's the writer responsible for Tampoons?
    4
  300. DNC: Joe Biden has decided to drop out. Lil Jon: HWHAAAAAAAT DNC: Kamala Harris will be the DNC candidate. Lil Jon: HOKAAAAAAAY
    4
  301. The Loyal Order of Democracy Buffalos
    4
  302. I had no idea they ever started
    4
  303. Trump's sinister black mask: Ah yes, ye olde [Helm of Assassination] I remember looting that drop in The Arcatraz back in the Burning Crusade days
    4
  304. Amber Lives Mas.
    4
  305. #46: Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. Five time world Smackdown champion, porn superstar, and President of the United States. Because the Idiocracy came about 300 years too early. And now we're all out of burrito coverins'
    4
  306. While it's great if he wins his Mayoral race, Missouri and the nation in general could really use him in DC, where he can have the most effect. It's good to have a down home mayor for your city, but it's pretty heavy duty to have a down home Congressman (he narrowly lost his Senate bid, which is a miracle in Missouri for a Dem to get that far) in the House.
    4
  307. It's time for legislation to hold "news" outlets on Cable to the same old standard of DONT FRICKIN LIE as Broadcast news
    4
  308. I don't recall any mass shooters during the Obama years leaving a manifesto saying they did it FOR Obama. Same can't be said for Agent Orange We certainly HAVE seen Trump Love Letters left behind by several domestic terrorists. Including one coast guard officer, "a Florida man" who mailed bombs to the Obamas and other Dems, and 2 blocks from my house Jeremy Christian murdered 2 men on our train when they tried to stop him from screaming his Trumpy race rant threats at 2 girls, after being spotted among his Trump Cult Patriot Prayer crowd in Portland.
    4
  309. Tom will forevermore have to be the default callback personality for all Poker related puns.
    4
  310. Jesus, big spender. I'll just make due with some Bruichladdich Octomore I've been saving.
    4
  311.  @stephsmithanie  The Academy Awards. Because they make terrible choices to appease terrible audiences
    4
  312. He's here to tell you about how Linux is the superior solution
    4
  313. cough cough Not if you're Canadian, it's not. And Mike is Canadian. They invented gridiron football as it's know in both the US and Canada today. Both gridiron football (North America) and association football (everywhere else) share an etymological history going back hundreds of years, and are, in fact, related sports. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football_(word)
    4
  314. Give it another week, Trump's minions will fire on Ft Sumpter again
    4
  315.  @dietotaku  There's no conspiracy in it when people like John Kerry, in full view of a room full of people, jumped up and loudly proclaimed that the DNC had to stop Bernie Sanders. Edit: Because I believe in providing sources, not hyperbole. And it was a united DNC leadership and donor effort to torpedo a Sander's candidacy, in the very party he ran in. https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/politics/2020/03/07/john-kerry-mich-democratic-socialist-not-going-elected-president/4986913002/ https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/feb/02/john-kerry-bernie-sanders-nbc-news-report https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/john-kerry-overheard-discussing-possible-2020-bid-amid-concern-sanders-n1128476 https://time.com/5791185/bernie-sanders-democratic-party-donors/
    4
  316. Bernie Bro = anyone who doesn't just obey The Machine
    4
  317. 🙄 "People" aren't commenting against him, GOP PLANTS are here commenting against him. Notice they all have the same 40ish likes from each other? All part of the propaganda workday. Normal youtube watchers don't spend that much time looking up every copy paste comment they would agree with.
    4
  318. Texas. The Benedict Arnold of States. Only Florida (and their Wannabe little brother Arizona) would also have the chutzpah to sue states to change their votes. Can we kick a state out of the Union? We need a national referendum to enact a Texit
    4
  319. Marge Greene's head looks like the entire Planters Peanuts mascot
    4
  320.  @edwardfletcher7790  They'd buy that for a dollar.
    4
  321. We all are graduates of the Doctor Killjoy school of Joke Euthanasia for autists And whats up with the youth in Asia? What's that all about?
    4
  322. Stop infringing on their freedoms, bruh Nobody wants the nanny state telling people they can't take their horse dewormer rectally.
    4
  323. We had no idea the glass ceiling was just about gutter level
    4
  324.  @tsuritsa3105  I think their official sorority is known as G.L.O.C.K. : the Glamorous Ladies Of Conservatives & Klan
    4
  325. If they paid for their trips for this stunt with taxpayer funded travel, they must reimburse it immediately and be censured and investigated for embezzlement and campaign finance crimes by the OPM and Federal Elections Commission.
    4
  326. It would be a miracle to Scientists. There's a whole separate universe in there. Nay, a whole different reality.
    4
  327. They launder his Russian funding
    4
  328. Absolutely loved him in Margin Call. When you can rival Jeremy Irons in a flick, that's saying something, and it was filled with heavy hitters.
    4
  329. He's the Intercontinental Champ, the Randy Savage to Scollin's Hogan. There must always be a contender.
    4
  330. I'm 100% convinced he's a Make-A-Wish kid and it got out of hand.
    4
  331. Cat-6 Diarrhea Monsoon.
    4
  332. Dude, can you just imagine Matt Gaetz's monthly Cocaine bill?
    4
  333. The McRib's son: White Castle pulled-pork BBQ Slider. It's so sad they don't talk anymore.
    4
  334. Oh Rob, that big, lovable, ridiculous man child. You can almost see Edelman riding his back like Master-Blaster. "Who run Deflatriot town? Masta-Blasta run Deflatriot town!"
    4
  335. Well, the last strippers I saw introduced on stage by the DJ were named Mercedes and Tiffany, so I think Chippendales falls within acceptable precedent, Kumail.
    4
  336. When you're the party of 'No', you never need an alternative to provide a 'Yes'
    4
  337.  @lindaleelaw5277  Common joke if you ever lived around Alexandria :) "Why can't they ever solve a murder in Arkansas? Cuz there ain't no dental records and all the DNA is the same" "How do you know the Toothbrush was invented in Arkansas? Because if it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called the Teeth Brush"
    4
  338. No, no. He's pleading A fifth. Of Smirnoff.
    4
  339. She's like the Beta software version of Marge Green that got sunsetted.
    4
  340. Little known fact: The entire crew is composed of people placed in the Witness Protection Program.
    4
  341. I actually liked him as Hellboy. The much-put-upon bit worked so well with him.
    4
  342. That's just basic Republican theory. Right behind making armed threats when you lose anyways.
    4
  343. She's a man of the people
    4
  344. I'm suddenly overcome with an urge to reskin Super Mario with Pope Frank
    4
  345. Remember: Anyone screeching about 'small government' is quoting the Confederate constitution, not the American one. Quote: "We, the people of the Confederate States, each State acting in its sovereign and independent character" Sound familiar?
    4
  346.  @donhill7239  Ehhhh, I wouldn't go quite that far. But when you can't have a Kermit the Frog managing the show, better to have a Miss Piggy than Crazy Harry the Bomber
    4
  347. And watching Pence make like a Meerkat, trying to dodge predators is....nevermind, I totally lost track of where I was going with this metaphor.
    4
  348. Either I don't believe you, Or I should offer condolences for your loss. Being dead inside can be a real bummer. Like being dead all over.
    4
  349. He's the President of the United States. I. Think. He. Will. Get. Over. It.
    4
  350. To be fair, we've ALWAYS had a huge number of homeless folks since I was a kid, mostly centering around four peak time periods: 1. Thousands had nowhere else to go after they were kicked out of Rancho Rajneesh. The Rajneeshees recruited homeless people by the thousands and brought them to Oregon from around the country so they could vote on their behalf in the Wasco County elections around 83. When they lost the election, they bused them all to Portland 2. The closing of Dammash state mental hospital 3. The gutterpunk movement 4. Our current housing crisis
    4
  351.  @susanrobinson910  He goes to Mickey D's because Burger King finally told him he could no longer have it his way
    4
  352. I'll see your Stormy Daniels and raise you a Russian Call Girl with a full bladder. But well played, nonetheless sir.
    4
  353. They really put the Jack in Comment Jackal
    4
  354. Gaetz: It would be a shame if something were to...happen to it...
    4
  355. Ah yes, the ol' Henry the VIII gambit.
    4
  356. $20 says Trump tries to crash the wedding and grope the Bride
    4
  357. Southest America II: The Southening
    3
  358. "Officer Martinez...have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?"
    3
  359. Don't care, it's still soccer. I don't watch either of them equally, because I'm woke like that.
    3
  360. Man, and I never thought I would see someone top Bush Junior. And I've had to stand within 20 feet of the guy on 2 different occasions. The dumb was strong with that one.
    3
  361. Step 1: Pretend you're a post-mid life crisis Charlie Sheen Step 2: Avoid talking about STDs Step 3: So much winning
    3
  362. "I really don't care, do you?" I won't cry over it either way. Even if he beats The Law and shambles out a free man, he better be flipping burgers or picking up cans on the freeway for a living. Nixon may have lost his pride, but he still lived out his days in undeserved comfort and plenty. And now we know he wasn't half the villain that Genghis Don was.
    3
  363. I wrote a kids book once. "Everybody poops but you. You sh*t." For some reason, just didn't go down smoothly.
    3
  364. That's a fact. My father in law had a tax shelter called "JPSTIRS", which stood for Jerry & Pam Screw The IRS. He used it to write off every tank of gas, car and insurance payment, and got a reciept every time he went through the drive thru and wrote every single Big Mac Combo off. Apparently the IRS never asks you what the letters in the abbreviation for your company stand for. Big shocker: a well-to-do guy in the Real Estate world.
    3
  365.  @marymcgowan8155  You are forgiven my child. Got a minute to talk about our lord and Savior, Hippie Hitler?
    3
  366. Honestly, someone needs to throw a shoe at Collins next time he starts with his "Hail Hydra, Y'all!" bit
    3
  367. What he never explained about MAGA was: that to fix something and make it "great again", first you need to break it
    3
  368. She gets no more of a pass after all the crap she's done and said than Gretchen does.
    3
  369. I mean, I'm fully vaccinated now, but I still kinda like wearing my Golden Girls "Thank you for being a friend" mask in public. It just really speaks to who I am as a person.
    3
  370. I had no idea Tucker was a weeb and M&M's were his Waifus I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. I just wasn't prepared.
    3
  371. Boy is the Wednesday morning garbage pickup crew in for a surprise.
    3
  372. "Just...you know...Florida stuff."
    3
  373. "Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep, now they see me now they don't....I've come and gone and, ooh I love to sweep around the wide step, Cut a little swathe and lead the people on." - Governor, Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
    3
  374. "I've been to the Special Olympics, I think they're incredible" Ok, I'm not going to be that guy or make that joke and damn my soul for eternity, but I will say that the only reason he would fund them is to make them give him a gold medal
    3
  375. Mike Pence. I wanted to go with John Wayne Gacy, but I'm on the fence about that if we're being totally honest. Trump's the more dangerous clown who's killed more kids, I think.
    3
  376.  @kimberlys8422  And I probably will be too, but I'm getting sick of holding my nose to vote for Party Royalty rather than the best, most principled candidate, just because a party said I had to. I really wish Sally Yates would run.
    3
  377. I feel like it would only be worthy news if Donald Trump held a hinged rally with gruntled fans.
    3
  378. Ted Cruz is Joe McCarthy. He never left. Seriously, google the pics.
    3
  379.  @MicheleGardini  The workload of trolling for the Russian collab with the GOP got so massive, Prigozin's Olgino crew started subcontracting to asian clickfarmers who normally earn their rupees, đồng, and baht posting bogus Amazon and Steam reviews.
    3
  380. I just got my PhD in PreModernism. It's basically just a really upbeat history major.
    3
  381. Surprisingly ordinary. One would think he sounds like Sam Elliot, or gargles with gravel. Nope. Just a clear speaker, median tone and tenor. Sounds younger than he looks.
    3
  382. Back in my day, you had enough time to make a drink before your Porn loaded over an AOL free trial connection
    3
  383. Nobody can gleam a cube like this guy.
    3
  384.  @thomasbraeking6225  "LEAVE. THE. BRONX." - Donald Trump
    3
  385. Clever girl.
    3
  386.  @jaybuck5818  Cleverer girl.
    3
  387. @ lolipedofin - In the old book of social philosophy, Neoliberalism, in the pre-Buckley sense, is the Feudal system (Old Money Aristocracy) being supplanted by the Merchant class (New Money). But after William F Buckley redefined what "Conservative" meant, we've had what we have today: Conservative as you define it and as we know it in America today. What the Republicans are after with this tax plan is a hybrid of the two: The Merchant (Wall Street) class as the new Nobility, with hereditary power, station, and wealth. Hence their move to abolish anything that threatens the root of their power: Money. Money that is used to buy politicians, so the politicians make moves to ensure they have ALL the money in the economy. You make the poor poorer, dismantle the middle class even further, and they are no threat.
    3
  388. I just tape my cellphone into my cone so I don't miss an alert or need to use my hands
    3
  389. I hear Jordan Schlansky should be available now. A born Jackal. Besides, it's not like Seth could afford Ze Frank. Not with Wally draining the budget.
    3
  390. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man!
    3
  391. Brings other's faces too close. Handshake maintains at least a foot more distance, and the truly unwary might get hugged, for which you're stuck in a socially perverse trap, because if you turn down some old lady's hug, suddenly YOU'RE the asshole in the room
    3
  392. "Accused" , lol Some people have their guilt written all over them more than even OJ
    3
  393. Trump really was the only person who could get Biden elected to the White House Mike calls out the biggest BS this election cycle: that the DNC was more concerned about Bernie Sanders than Trump Not that he would lose the 2020 race, but that he would win it
    3
  394. Elon's face look like Michael Myers left his trademark mask out in the desert sun too long
    3
  395. The problem is getting worse, and the body count in each incident getting higher, because thousands of Massacre machines, the parts to sustain them, and the mags that feed them are rolling off the factory floors every day as we speak, heading to a Cabella's near you Turn them off at the tap. 2A says you have the right to bear arms, doesn't say a company has the right to make and sell something that fires every time a Confederate Fanboi twitches his finger. End the manufacture, sale, and transfer of all repeating firearms. You can't take someone's property if they have one already, but you can make them an endangered species by stopping them from breeding and migrating. Oh, you can keep the AR you got. But it should die when you die. Not be loaned, pawned, sold, willed, or gifted any more than your prescription for Oxy should be.
    3
  396. Because these violent delights have violent ends.
    3
  397. If he'd bit a Trump, I woulda promoted him to Colonel
    3
  398. Prince John, straight from the disney bit
    3
  399. Kurt who now?? Never heard of her.
    3
  400. That man made Neil Diamond's eyebrows disappear, and reappear on his own brow
    3
  401. The collective bargaining power of the Royal Jackals Union leaves something to be desired
    3
  402. Mayor of Swindleville, NJ.
    3
  403. And a Brain Scientist!
    3
  404. 9/10 Jon was committed 100% to the bit, but his dad lost his head, so I deducted 10% as well
    3
  405. These are, after all, the people who admired Roy Moore's game of being a mid 30's district attorney combing the high schools for Mrs Right. And then in the next breath, constantly claiming, inexplicably, that the other party has all the Chimo's. Almost like they were obsessed with underaged sex....because they keep bringing it up like they have a guilty conscience.
    3
  406.  @Jmp5nb  I won't lie though...when I lived in Killeen and San Antonio I got drive-through margaritas all the time. It was like using a carpool lane. You had to have a passenger and hand the drinks to them, the idea being that what you did with it from that point was none of their business. Also, I scored my first fake ID in San Antonio at a tattoo joint. They had a big sign in the window that said "Novelty Drivers Licenses", and had a picture of one with a back half that said "Novelty Only". But go inside, buy it for $25, and it sure as hell DID have a real Texas license back half added to it, despite the picture in the window. And there was even a cop in there yacking with the clerk when I walked in. I proceeded to get super drunk on the River Walk at 19 for the rest of the weekend. Texas is the very model of corruption hiding behind a flag they don't believe in, and retcon versions of the Bible that they do.
    3
  407. LOL, "Soul"
    3
  408. Writers just riding a bubble destined to burst
    3
  409.  @parha123  And why I got to enjoy 2 all-expenses paid vacations to Iraq and read the dog tags of 5 friends there. Hold up, let me grab a chair, this should be good... Come on Mr Smarty Pants, lets hear it. I remember having to sit 25 feet from Bush Jr while he made a show of eating an MRE in a giant circus tent with us at Ft Polk in '04. Real cute little display he put on before shipping us out and killing some of us off for his re-election strategy. I seem to recall 2 decades ago we had this problematic narrative about no exit strategy...
    3
  410. @Damien Vryce Capitalism has always been better suited to Feudalism than Democracy. There's a reason some folks still insist on being called a Land LORD, not a Retail Housing Provider
    3
  411. "And they PAY us to do this?!?"
    3
  412. You just know they've been saving these gags up for a while now.
    3
  413. For real. And sensible, clear rules about the burgeoning eBike movement. It should be encouraged but positively regulated. Not a DMV item. Some people can't have cars, and for many of those, buses, light rail, unassisted cycling, and walking won't cut it when you have to get from Point A to Point B to survive, and the DMV is a for-profit organization who's sole function is to prevent you from using a motor vehicle unless you pay up. I've seen a lot of ebikers have work ops open up because now they can get the 7 miles upslope to a job despite not having a license or bus route.
    3
  414. Stephen Miller looks like the Vegan version of Putin
    3
  415. When Google News still pimps Fox towards the top of your recommendations list, but not the Onion, which has a better record of reporting the facts, there's something wrong with the world
    3
  416. You don't tip him. You pay him protection money.
    3
  417. "He's gonna go through some things" Yes, yes he is.
    3
  418. Not to take the opposite side, BUT..... I don't buy most of the reports coming out of nations with competing economies in the Pacific Rim. Especially the 4 tigers. Saving face is everything not just to their trade and pride, but also their heads of state who wish to stay in power.
    3
  419. I shoulda known. Wally was a RealDoll sexbot this whole time. Nothing that handsome occurs in nature.
    3
  420. Most outrageous costume at the White House this year: Donald Trump as the POTUS
    3
  421. Seth: Rusty, did you just speak? Rusty: No. Seth: Wut? Rusty: Wut?
    3
  422. But Lewis, I always take a nap after having a nice stroke. That's just Bedtime Dude 101.
    3
  423. She looks like a good Joe.
    3
  424. The top 3 moderates added together in Nevada: 45% The Genghis Sander's Horde, all by themselves: 47% Your're terrible at math, Establishment Black Sabbath was right: The mob does, indeed, rule
    3
  425. You have to wonder how sick he gets of being asked for an autograph because someone just loved PeeWee Herman as a kid.
    3
  426. Reported for spam. Repeatedly copy-pasting the same comment everywhere is spam. So...reported for spam. If others do too, Algorithm will agree and OFF YOU GO.
    3
  427. I sat within shoe throwing disance of George Bush Jr twice in 1 day. I didn't boo him. He deserved it, but I didn't. I was simply happy to see him finally leave office after burying 5 of my friends because of his family grudge with Saddam. I would definitely boo Trump anywhere from in his face all the way to back here, thousands of miles away. In point of fact, I still am.
    3
  428.  @silencedogood5766  Get back in your cage, zombie
    3
  429. Welp, it took 155 years, but the South rose again, I guess
    3
  430. Season 9 of Portlandia could be better
    3
  431. And it feels like when Arsenio Hall would drag Eddie Murphy out
    3
  432. That Battlestar Galactica pull was completely fracked, yo
    3
  433. Hail Hydra, Y'ALL! - Doug Collins
    3
  434. I think that hat shot Tupac
    3
  435. When watering holes like Beulahland, The Acrop, and Star Bar get replaced with more overpriced condos, that will be the last nail in the coffin for The Dream of the 90's.
    3
  436. Is it wrong that I feel my social standing as a man is threatened by his Bon Scott alto & sotto voce? It's REALLY enjoyable
    3
  437. I would remind everyone the GOP are the people who proposed in the 80's that everyone with HIV be rounded up and put on an island to die Because they thought gay men were the source and wanted to 'protect their families' from a disease vector Edit: FYI, one of the most vocal advocates proposing the idea to congress was Ex Governor Mike Huckabee and his senate fanbois. Big shocker.
    3
  438. Agreed. Jennifer Lawrence getting wasty on Colbert's show was a complete giggle fest
    3
  439. It's a strange species of the Beiber genus, and part of the Kanye family of invertebrates. Extinct since late Paleo-Obama era due to overpredation by the Rebecca Black species and erosion of it's natural web habitat
    3
  440. I owned and sold two small businesses. And I'll never understand how people still fall for the Republican notion that a corporate chain is somehow a "small business". A family Bar, Restaurant, Barber, Garage, Thrift Shop. Those are small businesses. You can generally find the owner on the premises doing something like actual work. Just because the store front of your local Starbucks isn't very big, it doesn't make it a small business, and they had no need for our "small business struggle" taxpayer bailout. Neither did the coal company Hallador Energy.
    3
  441. Well, I'll be darned. Turns out I do kneel before Zod.
    3
  442. 3rd place, Copper Medal...Booby Prize. Ohhh, Boobies!
    3
  443. I should be upset about Super Tuesday 2020, but nope. Still hurting and Sleepless in Seattle.
    2
  444. Greetings, Child. Welcome to the pack.
    2
  445. Trumps the kind of asshole who parks his cart on the green
    2
  446. Trump completed his full 4 years. So don't cheer too much. It means we have serious problems, and won't survive a sequel.
    2
  447.  @peterwilson542  One of the more typical profiles they try to build around some counterfeit ethnic identity. In this case: the "Latinos for Trump" schtick. These guys have all the same signifiers. Generic white person name pulled from a phone book + inability to speak actual english or understand American idioms and pop culture references, a "playlist" of some music genre or video gameplay clips, etc etc They're all the same
    2
  448. It wasn't Banksy?? Man. Am I behind the times or what
    2
  449. Bro....
    2
  450.  @apseudonym  BRUH....ouch.
    2
  451. You enter this world physically weak, pissing yourself, confused and unable to understand the world around you, unable to speak, and wailing in fear. When you are about to leave it, you go the same way. Trump is clearly on his way out.
    2
  452.  @judywolf8412  "This disgusting talk".....what person in the entire English Speaking world talks like that? You sound like a bad Kung Fu Flick translation. Where do you really come from, and why did you falsely adopt the persona of someone named 'Judy'??
    2
  453. True story: I got written up by my director of nursing when I was younger and working at an assisted living home for driving to work every day in my dad's '72 Hearse.
    2
  454. Silly SOB has been on the Presidential ballot THREE DAMN TIMES
    2
  455. Lots of people can do a Butthead impression. But I feel like Pete is more of a Beavis guy
    2
  456. The problem is self-perpetuating: The more negative press Manchin and Sinema get, the more brand-recognition they get, and the more secure they feel about their future electoral chances. Their bad faith is being rewarded with lots of attention.
    2
  457. Who needs fictional FEMA death camps at the hands of a well meaning black president when you can just get the plague delivered straight to Nanna's door?
    2
  458. Canadian Rap has come a long way. Getting a bit rude though. Dial it back a notch, Seth.
    2
  459. Treason: Brought to you by Microsoft
    2
  460. Oh come on, it's not that big of a deal for him to come over. John has the free time. He only works one night a week...and not even every week.
    2
  461. I told you guys. Didn't I tell you guys? He isn't gunning for Dictator. He's trying to be The King.
    2
  462. Lets cut the bulls**t. What they mean by 'do a good job' is 'get rid of immigrants', especially if they know Spanish. It's the one and ONLY real reason they voted for him the first time
    2
  463. Clearly. That Tanya Harding joke was just too soon, man. Too soon, and she's also a bit flat.
    2
  464. Wow. Comedians can really pull trim way outside of their league. Outside of their sport. Look at Sacha Cohen. Way to punch above your weight, buddy. Edit: Side note, Jennifer Tilly is also a pro gambler.
    2
  465. What it's like to ask Republicans for facts -----> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOtCioztsd4
    2
  466. I MUST BREAK YOU cries manly Russian Mob tears
    2
  467. Seal Team Six is still waiting for the green light to HALO jump in and extract the FLOTUS from her hostage situation....as Trump's Wife.
    2
  468.  @itsgeoff9391  You would have been better off trying to be funny
    2
  469.  @phenom2012  There aren't fine people on both sides. Just like when Republicans try to duck out of being rightly marked as assholes by claiming "I'm a Libertarian"
    2
  470. The epitome of Sorry, Not Sorry
    2
  471. It's a bad sign when Guy was the first one that everyone noticed. Not for Seth's writers, but that for a microsecond, he had our attention more than 20+ candidates we should be sifting through
    2
  472.  @hermanklump8983  Like...Chantix commerical Liota or Goodfellas Liota?
    2
  473. Prmaries don't even start until March. What this is is entertainment TV. Ratings. Ad revenue and clicks. Politics is a multi billion dollar business now, and they won't wait to trade on it every 2 years. First the 24/7 news cycle distorting journalism as they tried to fill the hours, now it's the 24/7 election season trying to fill the donation and ad agency coffers.
    2
  474. In Japan maybe. But I'm looking at the one's here, and I'm seeing a definitive lack of adaptability....and I AM old
    2
  475. I want Raul from Raul's Wild Kingdom on UHF.
    2
  476. Something tells me that no one on the Bloomberg staff has ever, EVER been to The Onion
    2
  477.  @thechallengeofnatureus  It's nice to know the GOP is still so threatened by him that they have to send you here to make ineffective comment spam.
    2
  478. Libertarian: Someone who believes Librarians should be in charge
    2
  479. The French don't 'discuss' anything. They preach at each other in the most arch tone possible to pass the time. A discussion implies something might be either learned or an agreement hit upon. That ain't what happens there. It's a bit like watching the deaf sing to each other. Nothing gets through, but they feel accomplished.
    2
  480. If he did, it would be even scarier
    2
  481. Oh man, I so wanted to see that Gunny go full Drill Instructor
    2
  482.  @thegreatdaveo  Oh yeah! I totally forgot about his Mugshot debacle. Hell, most of the GOP panel have a history of douchebaggery. I mean, when your own family spend money to tell voters not vote for you, there's something up there.
    2
  483.  @MrSkrangle  The value of the dollar is based ON that debt. This is economics 101. Do you folks still not realize what happens if Americans paid off their national debt (mostly owed to it's own citizens) in 1 fell swoop? The new world currency to bank on becomes the Chinese Yuan, and you become real poor, real quick. In our earliest days as a nation, our currency had no value in foreign trade until we established our credit by establishing debts to the Dutch, because we didn't have the powers of taxation required to repay our wartime debts to France after the Revolutionary War...until we actually HAD a treasury that produced debts and stayed indebted so our creditors stayed invested in our success. And that's International Politics 101.
    2
  484. "Roaches check in, but they don't check out" - NJ bureau of tourism
    2
  485. So let me get this straight, he needs 260 MILLION, with an M, shifted from critical medical research, to provide prison space for....about 500 kidnapped children still in "shelters"? So...$500,000 per kidnapping? That's pretty pricey for keeping children in tents. Unless it's a Trump tent, then it's got fake marble and gold everywhere. Worst. Kidnapper. Ever. They usually don't LOSE money when holding kidnapping victims for ransom. You know that money is disappearing into a deep, dark hole never to be seen again.
    2
  486. Little League?
    2
  487. There's only one man for the job of wranglin' the House of Representin' President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho Because we're all out of burrito coverins'
    2
  488. Mitch in an Elevator: ***faaaaaaaaaart*** Also Mitch: "He did it." (points at rando Democrat)
    2
  489. And he had a role in Sasha Cohen's movie Bruno
    2
  490. I think he's on that extended scale, roll a pair of 10-sided die and still pulled a hundo
    2
  491. Yet his every action keeps giving me cancer
    2
  492. LOL, what an asshole
    2
  493. All the finance channels are apparently gunning to replace Fox now, too. From Bloomberg to Financial Times, they've all gone hard repeating the right wing political hackery.
    2
  494. Seth is a recovering Fred Armisen addict. I'm his sponsor. It's a long, tough recovery, but hang in there, little buddy.
    2
  495. LOL, the mental giants at WSJ forgot one key weakness in their argument: If you don't want to address a PhD in Education as Doctor, then they are forced to use the other title: Professor. They will have to address her as Professor Biden. Now that's REALLY gonna chafe their asses raw. They painted themselves into a corner on this one.
    2
  496. This reminds me of an MST3k classic: LEAVE. THE. BRONX.
    2
  497. Letterman At Home Season 1 confirmed. It's just gonna be dave doing an MTS3K schtick while watching other late night hosts on the big screen.
    2
  498.  @razzledazzyl  But not that one.
    2
  499. An American actor playing a British role. That's so odd in 2017.
    2
  500. Don't sweat it, the Jedi Counsel & Yoda Sanders got this. It's not like Trump can work an Umbrella, much less a light saber, and it was apparent from The Apprentice he hasn't got the chops to be a proper Sith. More of a Gungan Mayor who gives important jobs to all the worst people. The Force has a strong influence on the weak minded.
    2
  501. Simply put, Bernie is too good for the likes of us. This is why we can't have nice things.
    2
  502. I feel like it'll pay off, like Video game development, or when they took a vacation. They come storming out of the gate with a whole weeks worth of inspiration burning a hole in the writer's minds
    2
  503. I'm getting tired of funding poseur-confederates in the South with unemployment benefits, bunch of opiate addicts who have the time to attend Trump rallies in the Waffle House States because they don't actually have jobs, they just come here and tell you they do.
    2
  504.  @morbidmanmusic  Oh really? Have most of us just being rolling up to the fire station and dropping $20 bills into the donation jar? Huh. The more you know...
    2
  505. Finally, a 3rd party candidate I can get behind
    2
  506. That's an insult to mediocrity
    2
  507.  @yourbigheadcousin5434  I find this acceptable. You may proceed
    2
  508. I would say we were easier to fool back then...but...the evidence today is that the idiocracy came 500 years early
    2
  509. "They don't know how to communicate with the voters" Uh, no. All they do is communicate. OVER communicate. What they don't do is listen. Because parties and their pet networks believe 'communication' is a one way valve for them to issue orders to their demographic of obedient peasants. When the most voters are in neither party.
    2
  510. Kekistan. Obviously.
    2
  511. Oh great, here comes another Teen Slang bit
    2
  512. Rehab.
    2
  513. Mormons.
    2
  514. My grasp of the English Language and accent is so Oregonian that I have to turn on the subtitles whenever I watch Peaky Blinders
    2
  515. And his voice-over chops are on that Jeremy Irons/James Earl Jones/Morgan Freeman level
    2
  516. I have to wonder if there are any bamboo fibers in these mythical papers he claims to have.
    2
  517.  @richinoable  Means being dain bramaged after dropped on his head
    2
  518. Dick Tracy villains
    2
  519. Oh, if only they were picked for jury duty. Not ending up on it, of course, but just to see all of the Late Night Host Continuum keep popping up during voir dire, trying to keep a straight face, all business, as they say "Yes, I will serve without prejudice, Your Honor. Pinky promise.", knowing that any of the jury tampering & witness intimidation he's done so far would backfire SOOOO spectacularly.
    2
  520. All your corrections...are belong to us
    2
  521. That's just crazy enough to work. But we all know Trump can't handle doing any real work.
    2
  522. I still say the justice system in Minority Report was a helluva lot better than our current Justice Department. They at least busted the affluent and white in the act 99.99% of the time instead of writing tell all books about not prosecuting.
    2
  523. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go.
    2
  524. So let me get this straight...Trump says the CIA and the rest of our 3 letter agencies are the "Deep State" and trusts Russia over them...and Fox parrots this But when Trump orders a missile strike on very sketchy soil with what can only be called very sketchy timing then suddenly Fox holds them up as Trump's bestest buddies? I'm not going to cry over Soleimani. Not one bit. But Fox & Friends spinning Trump's temporary loyalty to our Intel community from atop Bullshit Mountain can suck a fat one here.
    2
  525. Waiting for the Summer Sale
    2
  526. First 3 months of being cooped up during COVID: Worked out. Worked out some more. Lost a few pounds. Next 2 months: Completely sick of working out. Exhaust everything binge-watchable. Last 8 months: Watch Cooking videos. Including far, far too many about Fried Rice. Gain far, far more pounds than started COVID with. This month: Thankful for the vaccine & surviving COVID. But did we? Did we really? Bathroom scale has a different opinion.
    2
  527. Goddamit. I still have that movie. Now I have to watch it again. Thanks alot, Jose, you jerk.
    2
  528. Try not to think of this time as a Constitutional Crisis, but rather a much overdue Constitutional Workout. It's about time for that grand old document to stop laying around on the couch, get up, flex some muscles and get back into shape. Shying away from "difficult" impeachment procedings or not doing a few check and balance reps is the same as paying for a gym membership, never using it, and then wondering why you have weight related health complications.
    2
  529. LegalEagle when Trump inevitably acts like a clown in court: "THE BAILIFF WILL TACKLE YOU" LPL when Trump sees his cell: "EVEN THIS PICK THAT BOSNIAN BILL & I MADE CANNOT HELP YOU" AVGN when Trump becomes the villain of Far Cry 12: The Trailer Park Wars: "AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!" Oversimplified recounting the entire Trump trainwreck saga: "THIS ENRAGED HIS FATHER WHO PUNISHED HIM SEVE...wait, no he didn't"
    2
  530. AOC. She's 35 this October, thus able to campaign for President in this election. She's the most popular Democrat in Congress, bar none. And that IS how elections are won, no matter what high paid strategists try to tell Party leadership just so they can get paid.
    2
  531. But the cakes were delicious, and the fresh breath was a nice perk
    2
  532.  @sloppynyuszi  I hate to say it, but I agree. Noah has turned it into a BET show that is just on the wrong network. The dude is talented and hilarious, and very sharp, don't get me wrong, but he is all about Everything Black, and everything always circles back to that, and that alone.
    2
  533. Hey, President Window Licker: If you were happy with America, you wouldn't have been selling Chinese made hats saying you were going to make it great, because you apparently didn't think it was.
    2
  534. I really didn't think both of them would survive to the end of the show Seth at least should have gotten "the call" Edit: Prediction: Jon Snow will return as the next Night King in 1000 years. He's Targaryen, has a hint of the immortal about him, the Night King treated him oddly as if he knew of his destiny, & after all, Martin did say that at least 4 spin offs were optioned by HBO
    2
  535. Well duh. He hasn't figured out how to mainline a speedball without the bailiffs noticing yet Dude has a weaker battery than a used Nissan Leaf
    2
  536. You can't put a price on smugly owning the Po Po Well, actually, you can. It's $1000, but you get the idea
    2
  537.  @sabre22b  Used as a trade in for a bunch of Yachts apparently
    2
  538. This is why we shouldn't have minute-by-minute reports on how the vote is going as it's in the process of being counted. Every piece of data is a cue to start the shenanigans in trouble districts. Don't give them that chance. Finish the count, do the verification, and only THEN announce. Stop tipping them off where they're losing.
    2
  539. LOL, Trump has COVID. Awesome.
    2
  540. Do the math: Perverting $300 Million in Military Aid to Ukraine for his own ends, paid for by a country of 300 Million people = Trump literally reaching into the wallet of every man, woman, and child in the United States and taking your dollar for himself, instead of what it was meant for: a denuclearization policy with a former Soviet member state. Get your dollar back, America.
    2
  541. This just gave me a great TV show pitch: Survivor, but it's all lawyers, and they have to sue each other into bankruptcy to kick the competition off the island. The payoff for the audience is rooting for them all to just stay there.
    2
  542. The Unknown Comic has joined the chat
    2
  543. OMG. I'm a sociopath. Suddenly, that feeling that faces I see on milk cartons are somehow familiar makes more sense.
    2
  544. "If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The America-Team."
    2
  545. Trump: Int...intel....imter....IMMIGRUNT. See, I know best words.
    2
  546. Trump is a simple man. He's a Manhattan guy, and Puerto Ricans are The Bronx. Therefore, Texas/Florida > Puerto Rico is basic Trumpanese math.
    2
  547. Baron Von Bloomberg getting hammered by Amber jokes this week, as is right and proper
    2
  548. Officer Steve "Butt Plug" Bannon looks like he's been 2 weeks from retirement for at least 20 years.
    2
  549. The way the scales tip: Country Club Republicans = not the worst ones Country Club Democrats = not the best ones Otherwise known as the Status Quo
    2
  550.  @StorytimeAndChillASMR  More to do with the fact that Afghan military age males are rarely unsympathetic to the Taliban to begin with. The Taliban embody their status quo for cultural values. And that's hardly unique in that area, but rather prevalent. Think of all the suburbanite Trump voters that think of themselves as a cross between manly man cowboys and tacticool 'operator' veterans, without being either one. Except in their minds. Same thing.
    2
  551. Maybe he would like to take some ceremonial shots at Ft Sumter while he's there? Just to bring back the ol' magic of his platform
    2
  552. If they really, actually could, then everyone in Cellblock D would be announcing his campaign by now This was only happening because it's good for 24 hour news ratings and Republican fundraisers
    2
  553. Something tells me one of Seth's writers is an AVGN fan
    2
  554. Seth, your baby has "Special Needs".
    2
  555. This just in: Corona is a Sanders campaign conspiracy bioweapon cooked up by Fiendish Dr Wu on Kung Fu Island just to make Universal Healthcare look good. That will be $500,000 for your next conspiracy tweet, please, Mr Trump. - Fox News Headline Sales Dept.
    2
  556. Bercow's power was derived from his gangster tie collection
    2
  557. I don't see why not. I like big butts too, and I cannot lie...
    2
  558. Seeing the two party's lawyers side by side reminds me of the musical Chicago, except that the GOP's Steve Castor is a lot less Billy Flynn than he is Saul Goodman
    2
  559.  @sailordaigurren8225  Depends. You a heretic?
    2
  560. It's all fun and games until Wally appoints himself Secretary General
    2
  561. Debates before November aren't going to be Debates. It's going to be Bingo Night at the Shady Acres Retirement Villa as two old men yell at clouds.
    2
  562. Whaaaaat? Conservatives..... LYING and weaponizing False Valor claims to steal shine from actual heroes to further their fascist goals? Why they would NEVER. Joe McCarthy would be rolling over in his grave...
    2
  563.  @shanadir  Yeahhhhhhh.....that's....that's not what's happening here, Hoss. But nice try.
    2
  564. More than anything else, Trump was passing the buck but trying to get credit for something he couldn't even understand. And he's still guilty for sitting on his hands after Putin put bounties on US troops heads in Afghanistan. For obvious reasons. We haven't forgotten who's side he's on.
    2
  565. To be fair, the "heat ray", aka the Active Denial System was developed in 2010 specifically for riot control that works, and works well. But for whatever reason, people had a meltdown (pun intended) about it as "too cruel" because they think getting shot with bullets or shredded in concertina wire is the way to go. And it's a helluva lot better than lobbing CS Gas all over hell and gone. We also had Vomit chemicals. The ADS is not, however, in active use per se. Trump must have seen it on Future Weapons or something like the TV fed moron he is. Development was undercut by do gooders with no sense of priorities and the IQ of a potato
    2
  566. Republicans: Memelord level: Fail
    2
  567.  @winstonsmith6607  <--- lol, even the spambots have the same copy-paste response to being told they're reported for spamming. All the bot profiles respond with the exact same scripted things.
    2
  568. Why Seth really can't afford MC hammer soundbites: $50 in used green room sofas broke the budget
    2
  569. Born with Anime eyes.
    2
  570.  @avadarkness666  Methinks it's just a defiant, yet cocky, statement of individualism Ava. Which is a fine, but abrasive, message. It just isn't compatible with compliments or invitations for solidarity.
    2
  571. Well, gosh gollee gee whiz, I wonder who told Trump to shoehorn in the comment "Corrupt Ukraine" every 5 words? Couldn't be the guy looking to spin some legitimacy into his invasion of Ukraine by any chance, could it?
    2
  572. 100 Kushners disliked this video
    2
  573. Jackals: Knock, Knock. Seth: Who is it? Jackals: Jackals. Let us in. Or we will huff and puff and blow your facts in. Seth: Not by the hair on the Sea Captains chin.
    2
  574. Really makes you miss the salad days of Obama's birth certificate.
    2
  575. The 2020 Debates: AKA Bingo night at Shady Acres retirement home
    2
  576. TSA supervisor: I told you to take the wizards staff.
    2
  577. Fun fact: Gilbert Gottfried started out as a mime with Ethyl Mermon.
    2
  578.  @asterix7842  You're hired. And fired.
    2
  579. OMG, someone please tell me there is something out there with Bowen Yang and Jim Jeffries together Jim: Evil grin... "Oh yeah, we got a LIVE one here."
    2
  580. Rudy's Doctor: Has an MD in Medical Science hanging right there on the wall in front of him Rudy: Doctors aren't really scientists. Maya Rudolph in Idiocracy: You ever wonder if Einstein went around thinking everyone was just a bunch of dumbshits?
    2
  581.  Handsome B. Wonderful  Technically, yes, you are quite correct. But when you've got the presidents ear like Roger, Ann, and Bannon, and you say "Yeah! Yeah! Shut it all down!", well....
    2
  582. Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! The Republican Senate Intel Committee Chair said that, right after threatening anyone who's indicted to prevent them from cooperating with the investigation as Richard Burr made his blatant threat to "get his own hands on Cohen before he goes to Jail". He was threatening to get around any plea deals made in return for cooperation.
    2
  583. The last time we had a de facto America First Committee (AFC) in the US, it was led by rich Nazi Sympathizers, Clergy, and traitors in Congress who wanted the US to stay neutral to keep us out of Germany's way. Also fun fact: Main Stream Media is a term first coined by Joseph Goebbels. Anyone else notice those dots lining up again today?
    2
  584. @ Second breakfast? Luncheon? Afternoon tea?
    2
  585. Commas save lives. It's the difference between: "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma"
    2
  586. What you didn't see was all those kids being funneled into a cattle car and hauled back to a border detention center
    2
  587. Combating alcoholism, maybe
    2
  588. Jessie, you MANLY man...your MOM called you AT WORK and put you in time out. ON AIR.
    2
  589. Remember: these kind of events still happen. The Bundy Bunch staged their armed takeover of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge (without bringing any snacks) just 2 years ago. A short drive from my grandmother's place. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupation_of_the_Malheur_National_Wildlife_Refuge
    2
  590. Seth just had to fire back in response to Last Week Tonight's Jered Kushner/Gilbert Gottfried voiceovers, lol We might just be seeing the start of a voiceover arms race between the late night mafia Andrew Dice Clay as Allen Weisselberg, anyone?
    2
  591. Tucker: What next, Liberals?!? Will my toaster refuse to toast anything but Gluten-free bread??
    2
  592. Oh great, now somebody is going to spin off an Adams vs Jefferson odd-couple Sitcom starring Samberg and Bill Hader, and of course a Founding Fathers episode of CSI: Washington
    2
  593. He covered the snake bit
    2
  594. No bet.
    2
  595. This is why I only employ Mormon espionage specialists for foreign intrigue work. Their britches come with a Top Secret clearance, unlike Jared.
    2
  596. Man, every day I keep lowering my standards, and lowering my standards In the hope that I will eventually hit the bedrock of this turd mine to match up my expectations, but it just KEEPS GETTING SURPRISINGLY DEEPER
    2
  597. Every late night host: WHAT IS THIS UNHOLY KFC ABOMINATION NAMED CHIZZA ?!? Me realizing that: The Colonel added pepperoni to Chicken Parmesan, blew everyones damn mind
    2
  598.  @Beth-ie  Moderate and Centrist ain't the same thing. You're safe. Moderate means you don't just latch on to any kneejerk politic trend on Twitter at the moment with all the attention deficit of a mayfly , Centrist means you're playing both sides of the fence for $$ without going quite full Sith. Moderates are Adults. Centrists are Venture Capitalists.
    2
  599.  @ckinahan1  I dunno. If you were to cut off Alina's pair of arguments... I doubt she packs an ASUS ROG laptop because she's a gamer. Methinks she be supplementing her income in the evenings and has a solid collection of ring lights
    2
  600. 69.
    2
  601. The Manhattan DA, Alvin Bragg, is only swinging at this now for the same reason he punted it before: It's an election tool. Dude has "I'm gonna run for Mayor/Governor" written all over him. He had an opportunity and passed last year, but now he's trying to beat Georgia to an indictment for headlines. He's resurrected the Daniels case to start a media circus that could damage the more relevant one.
    2
  602. I'll take Little Beelzebub over Mega Satan for $500, Alex.
    2
  603. $20 and an NFT of a Banana says Guillermo takes Big W's job next week after Wally gets his own Fox News financial segment
    2
  604. Lawyers employing lawyers, baby. Just like the Real Estate biz. Judge: A lawyer. DA: A lawyer. Dude "defending" you: A lawyer. Legislators passing them laws: Mostly lawyers. What happens when you don't hire a lawyer: You lose on sight. How dare you not prop up the lawyer economy.
    2
  605. Dude was more wholesome than a tanker full of Vitamin D milk
    2
  606. Legends say Steve's sleeves haven't been unrolled since 1979.
    2
  607.  @ccharles848  You should. He's about to be unemployed. Along with gangs of other paid-per-post propaganda trolls.
    2
  608. We didn't appreciate that sweet Sarah was just the gateway hit, conservatives microdosing us. These days our pusher just blasts us with Krokodil from a firehose everyday.
    2
  609. Well guess what, Kari: We're not gonna stop talking about how you're the party of traitors. Whoever wins GOP primaries isn't a concern. Because every Republican candidate is dead meat at the polls this November. Dead. Meat.
    2
  610. "Killian is lying to you" And you, too, could be the next contestant on The Running Man, America's favorite game show. Cadre Kids, earn a double bonus for reporting a family member
    2
  611. I feel like this is Amber low-key starting beef with Jon Batiste
    2
  612.  @sparkythancztwise  And yet for some reason, we never jack attack Jon Stewart. Yet.
    2
  613. EEEeeeexterminate! EEEeeeexterminate!
    2
  614.  @ShortsySexLegs  Don't bother, not a primary english speaker who can keep up with a conversation, and we have no time to waste spelling out the simple things for yet another troll that got lost in translation
    2
  615. Damn shame they missed the Oscars, because the best supporting Black Friend role would have been a lock up, and the GOP panelists performances were a true testament to the power of Drama.
    2
  616. If you had removed the subtitles, you would have thought it was the beginning of an early MILF porno.
    1
  617. Don't waste your time respecting your elders, Kids. We won't repay it by respecting you back.
    1
  618. "I...AM...OOOOOOOOOOOOOODINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Said my accountant.
    1
  619. The Queen should simply wear him as a hat.
    1
  620. I'm a big fan of Martha's Prison Shiv Cheddar. It's tasteful, yet sharp. Gracefully aged for 5 months upstate.
    1
  621. And this is where the bar is. I give up. Stop this ride, I want off.
    1
  622. That's because he prostitutes Christ like any good Televangelist. Big Pimpin' Jesus ain't easy, but dammit, this is America, and we do it better than anyone.
    1
  623. It's a waxed canvas tarp with some buttons sewn on And it's clearly been used on an old Ford pickup for taking loads to the dump
    1
  624. Ken Starr & Newt Gingrich 1999: The President is not above the law. Ken Starr & Newt Gingrich 2024: Our President is above the law. Oh what a difference 25 years makes.
    1
  625. "He wasn't very popular among his Republican colleagues" Yeah, that must be why they kept appointing a freshman congressman to high profile committees, seated right next to Doug Collins and his ilk. Because, you know, being so UNPOPULAR makes you the shoe-in for those kind of gigs.
    1
  626.  @jjj1951  You can't come up with a comment.
    1
  627. I certainly do love it when he goes on an anime rampage and achieves his final form It's like watching a one-man-band pull off a full symphony recital of Mozart's 5th
    1
  628. Great story. Compelling and rich.
    1
  629. Tucker Carlson looks like he's daring the entire goddamn world to Mace him right in the face every time he stops yapping, and he's bracing himself because he's resigned to his fate
    1
  630. Fun mental exercize: Dye Trump's albino hair and eyebrows jet black, give him a mustache, and he looks just like an Arab dictator
    1
  631. Republicans: Put hearings on TV. Also Republicans: Boring, hard to follow, not a single Emmy nomination for Gym Jordan or Bud Light Platinum ad. Cancel show if ratings don't improve.
    1
  632. Wiz Khalifa: When you got a moment to yourself to have some "naughty alone" time to Mia on the 'Hub, but you're not sure if you can hold back that wicked piss that's building
    1
  633. There's no such unicorn as a Centrist NASCAR dad
    1
  634. There are 600+ Billionaires in the US now. And they are sitting on $4 Trillion Dollars, uncirculating. An average of 6.5 billion dollars apiece. For 600 people. There are 330 Million people in the US. That same 4 Trillion divided between them is $12,000 per person. Do you think the average member of the 330 million American citizens has $12k cash? No, because they got those billions from you No. Because that's how Lords stay Lords, and Peasants stay Peasants. And if you did have $12k, the Royals will find a way to make you hand it over.
    1
  635. Fading to black on a Cosby joke and threatening to see us again in a week.... Seth is definitely getting Me2'd
    1
  636. The Op Ed is about creating alibis. Trying to not go down with the ship. About not doing jailtime with the rest, and even trying to play the "good guy" card so they can continue their personal schemes in the administration in case Pence takes the helm.
    1
  637.  @brianlacy8870  The Football war between El Salvador and Honduras disagrees. Thousands dead.
    1
  638. This cheap little man has diminished us so much. This scar is permanent.
    1
  639.  @christopherbost5387  World market? You one of them traitorous Globalists, son?
    1
  640. The Baroness of Botox is just walking her political green mile
    1
  641. #1 & #2 things in your Prepper kit: A parachute and a condom. Apparently quite useful ----> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6k61vpA8HQ&index=57&list=WL
    1
  642. Pregnant Milky Way is clearly feelin' a little hormonal
    1
  643. @Daniel Roig If you're gonna pretend to be an American talking about American Politics, maybe keep the Russian Language stuff off your public page, Comrade Bullshit.
    1
  644. Trump hits us because he loves us.
    1
  645. TEXAS! Has a whorehouse in it! (Lord have mercy on our souls...)
    1
  646. This just in: Bombshell Report tells us some of the things we all already knew 9 months ago. Donald Trump is a Russian bootleg of an American Millionaire, filmed from the back row in ultrawide shaky cam.
    1
  647. A moment on the Hips, a lifetime on Family Trips
    1
  648. FFS, just present some decent candidates, Democrats. You're hiding thousands of them. Deliberately. Not congressional schmucks or governors. Civil servants. Maybe even a general or two. Enough with this "But he's our made man and it's his turn" BS.
    1
  649. And Jesse Waters popping off with "It looks like Hunter Biden was peddling classified documents for cash" is Slander and/or Libel.
    1
  650. Are We The People really so fucking powerless in our own goddamn country?
    1
  651. Untrue. Our carts going Birria crazy right now, but Bells and Birria could be our next Ramen and Narcan trend
    1
  652. Rick Astley is way out of his league. He need that Daily Show or Last Night Last Weekend Tonight HBO money for that.
    1
  653.  @harlequingnoll5  That's science. But you just know he was first on the Want list.
    1
  654.  @asterix811  "I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court."
    1
  655. One doesn't subscribe to Messiah+ You tithe to it
    1
  656. Interspecies Bromance: When you see two different guys at Comicon wearing the same Furry costume
    1
  657. You cannot convince me that Fox gets paid all that $$ hawking Pillows and Catheters. They're getting laundered Republican campaign cash so the GOP can buy their own propaganda machine without having to take responsibility for it. There's no other way. Follow the money.
    1
  658. #ShoeLivesMatter My Jordan's ain't about to be Rosa Parked at the Back of the Foyer
    1
  659. Bannon thinks he can wave a bible at his gun waving beard-os to enlist them in his army. But he doesn't realize that the one thing that trumps (pardon the pun) the bible when it comes to enlisting the Trailer Park Mercenaries to your cause is the kind of fat checks Elon can write.
    1
  660.  @charlotteillustration5778  Ballchinians are often mistaken for members of the Scroteneckian Empire. The failed alliances between the two alien races is tragic, but understandable.
    1
  661. This is why he appeals to other idiots. Identity politics
    1
  662.  stopthecrazyguy9948  We're aware of how the Judiciary Act works. And we're also aware that House bills began moving in 2023 to add 4 seats. They literally just have to time it to do the same dirty trick Republicans did on the Secretary's Impeachment vote: Wait til some House members of the GOP are indisposed, then off it goes. It's time to stop acting like everything is a roadblock and they can play politics like a 3 Card Monte master but indies and democrats can't.
    1
  663. Consult your attorney before using Teenager. If your teenager lasts for longer than 18 years, seek employment, military or college help immediately. Do not take Teenager with Alcohol, Marijuana, or when shopping. They won't think you're cool. Teenager is not for everyone.
    1
  664. ​ @Dustrega  Should have a little sympathy, being a half-orc is tough, but somehow she keeps winning initiative and saving throws.
    1
  665. Plant some bootleg smokes on him, give him blackface, then call me when he has a "I can't breath" moment with the cops.
    1
  666. You shoulda stuck to writing for Duck Dynasty, comedy ain't your bag, son
    1
  667.  Bonnie Bagley  lol, I see my fellow catholics and ex catholic apostates got that one
    1
  668. And, of course, we're about to hear more from the Great State of Jefferson folks who will start beating the "Split California Into Two States" drum again. Republicans can't win on population, just state lines. Imagine how powerless they would be if the Carolinas, Dakotas, and Virginias were consolidated.
    1
  669. Does he not realize this impeachment aired even more of his dirty laundry to the American voter, AND showed that the GOP Senate is begging to be voted out along with him in November?
    1
  670. Never trust a guy in a Tunic
    1
  671. Dear Republicans: Learn the difference between loving the Constitution, and molesting it
    1
  672. Me too, man. Me too. Now get me a beer. Get you one too.
    1
  673. First they came for the Grams, then they came for the Fappening Fakes, but they can have my Victoria's Secret Catalog when they pry it from my cold, hairy palms.
    1
  674. Good thing this war is limited to 280 characters
    1
  675. What's really sad? Impressions Camp was IN Australia.
    1
  676. The last week Seth has been on FIRE. I feel like he just rediscovered Cocaine. He WAS an SNL guy, after all.
    1
  677.  @troyjardine5850  You'd think the Cocaine thing would have drawn the outrage, but nope...
    1
  678. We have a lousy history of Presidential Assassinations hitting the completely wrong ones
    1
  679. Democrats lose for of 2 reasons: 1. Mud slinging, conspiracy theory 24/7 FOX propaganda sticks to that 3% of the voters that decide elections. Because while the US has some of the brightest folks in the world, we also have some of the absolutely fucking dumbest you couldn't have dreamed up of on your own. Blatantly false propaganda still works for the Republicans because of this. 2. Democrats have begun to resemble to bongo beating, tofu chewing hyper liberals that they are accused of being, with no concept of money or national interest. It doesn't mean they ARE, but they certainly look more and more like that every day, and that's NOT entirely the fault of right wing propaganda. It's a self inflicted wound. Congressman Moulton is correct that vets come in all colors and politics, not just the Right Wing Survival Nut Bubba stereotype, and we do bring some of that flag waving, all American street cred with us. It doesn't mean we're better at civics than a school teacher, but it does deflate the horseshit claim that conservatives have a lock on the words Freedom, America, and Patriotism. Especially when they are abusing it and wiping their asses with the flag we defend. When Trump uses the history of service of people like myself as an attack tool on, say, athletes who take a knee because they see an injustice, I feel like my 25 years in uniform meant nothing.
    1
  680. Isn't it funny how the only people who insist on women being indentured incubators are those at no risk of getting pregnant themselves, by dint of either age or gender? The bible-thumping breeding slavers out there have no skin in the getting knocked-up game.
    1
  681. Matt Gaetz doesn't need a lawyer. He needs a priest.
    1
  682. His 'I'm President, You Can't Arrest Me Now' memo from the Nixon years won't help him as Speaker. So, obviously, he won't take that job. Especially since he would have to show up, not fake it.
    1
  683.  @andrewollmann304  'Broke' is a relative term with former celebrities who aren't rich these days because of tax evasion. He upper middle-class/bordering on rich still. So he's less broke than pretty much all of us. But to them, that's broke. Imagine if Trump had to get a job with actual work. Dude would swallow the barrel of a .38 before finishing his first shift.
    1
  684. Staten Island is jealous
    1
  685. Stewart trained one helluva fine Padawan in John Oliver.
    1
  686. If I stole my car back from the thief, my own municipal police would find a way to charge me. They don't take kindly to competition, and they're the kind of force that is fond of telling people it's your own fault if your house got broken into if you only had a lock, deadbolt, chain, and guard dog.
    1
  687. So much for the Emoluments clause & Hatch Act.
    1
  688. Fox News is going to be positively livid come the 2022 mid terms. Their party is political dead meat after they universally voted against relief. Should be fun to watch.
    1
  689. ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES TRUMP A DULL BOY
    1
  690. We have delivery in Oregon.
    1
  691. Let's be honest. The fatass isn't going to live to see 76.
    1
  692. I'm pretty big on Kim myself
    1
  693. Due Overdue Process.
    1
  694. Nice pull, Bob
    1
  695. If you think that's weird and filled with odd protocol, you have to wonder what it's like around the Imperial Family of Japan
    1
  696. Ya know, if Republicans are so afraid of democratic socialism, maybe they should stop making it look so good by abusing anarcho capitalism to the fullest
    1
  697. It happens to every man sooner or later
    1
  698. Wait a minute....was that a kind of Super Troopers II callback?
    1
  699. In before the inevitable sexual misconduct.
    1
  700.  @ExternalInputs  Sick burn, bruh?
    1
  701. Speaker doesn't carry the immunity that POTUS did. There's no corrupt Nixon era memo protecting anyone in Congress.
    1
  702. Oh, I see. You can afford Wally cameos now, but you still can't afford a full M.C. Hammer soundbite.
    1
  703.  @kimberlys8422  She's a party-crafted, made for TV politician and an empty suit. Designed, selected, and wind-tunnel tested by a political think tank. There's politicians, and there's Party politicians. She is the latter. What they will say, do, pass, and support is so predictably Party Line/Which Way the Wind Blows, you could just write software to do all of it.
    1
  704. Dude got his sex metaphors wrong: Soviet Style is 2 Russian hoes peeing on an American In this case, Lev & Igor giving Trump some tinkle time
    1
  705. Folks, don't get bent out of shape about the Nasty Guard being on the border. Ol' Don the Con is just taking a play from the George Bush Jr playbook. You see, between 2006-2009 we already did this. It was called Operation Jump Start. I was there. The Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines active components were not there setting up .50 pits and Artillery gunlines. We just manned Observation Posts, built some fence, and operated the cameras along the border to fill in gaps that the BP couldn't because of manpower. The reason the Guard has to do it because of a little constitutional thing called Posse Comitatus. It means the Federal Military cannot do these policing actions within our own borders. But the state Governors can, and will, use National Guard (State) troops to assist the BP.
    1
  706. Yeah, you could call them bad people. But damn good parents, lol Look what Forrest Gumps mama did to get him into a good school
    1
  707. Kuddly, Koncerned Mike
    1
  708. The Winning Season was so damn good
    1
  709. Only one side is constantly trying to sue for peace here, pointlessly, and it ain't the GOP They only respond to overwhelming, crushing force. So give it to them.
    1
  710. What it lacked was that wealth ever 'trickling down' below the top 10% And that 10% have bought the US goverment, lock stock and barrel to make sure it never does.
    1
  711.  @ragged_claws_scuttling  Which is why market capitalism is fundamentally incompatible with a democracy. Because it's desired endstate has always been Feudalism.
    1
  712. The power of farts in politics is so grossly underrated. Exhibit A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYEYpjmdmHs
    1
  713. "Oh Grandma, not the remix AGAIN..."
    1
  714. Oohhh, baby. Can we just take a moment to appreciate how much quieter comment threads have gotten since sanctions dropped and the number of week-old socket puppet profiles radically dropped? The quiet is lovely.
    1
  715.  @adamastorga3216  I'll remember you said that when I inform on you. You'll make a great Running Man contestant
    1
  716. That wasn't a test, Donald. That was the coloring placemat they give kids at Denny's.
    1
  717.  @sheilalopez3983  Jack B does not dignify 3-day-old clickfarmer & not-so-cleverbot troll accounts with proper responses, "sheila" You propaganda tools trying to steer the conversation need to GTFO
    1
  718. Or Christmas for Klansmen
    1
  719. So now he's using NASDAQ to defraud, and the SEC is going to have to waste years coming after the walking corpse of Trump Org too, by which time he'll be long dead and laughing at America from in his grave
    1
  720. Told you Republicans are hellbent on breaking the US up into parts. Balkanized, sold off to the highest bidder, and then divided up into little fiefdoms for the Rich so they can finally give themselves royal titles and powers. Enjoy your servitude, 'Freedom' peasants.
    1
  721. They did it to shore up support in the early MeToo phase, because it was good suck-up politics to their most vocal demographic. The Andrea Dworkin fangirls.
    1
  722.  @Ryanlexz  <--- OG foreign troll account. 28 subscribers, no content, and only speaks broken Kung Fu Movie english
    1
  723.  @brucecampbell6698  lol, what's life like as a Fox News intern? Do you, like, have to volunteer to get groped by their all-star lineup of rich old pervs in between cross burning sessions?
    1
  724.  @johnedward3404  You were saying something about released prisoners, John? Like when Trump pulled US troops out & abandoned the Kurds who were guarding all the ISIS prisoners taken in Iraq and Syria until 2019? All those ISIS fighters escaped from Raqqa and other camps to right back into circulation. Your boy Trump did that. Explain yourself.
    1
  725. And Trump actually wants us to feel sympathy for him after one of his own shot at him.
    1
  726. Top FBI Cop and Attorney General do an investigation for foreign conspiracy, somehow treasonous. LOL, what a git
    1
  727. Trump Combover Beard is Nightmare Food
    1
  728. I always thought he was either Robbie Rotten or one of the Duracell family
    1
  729. To me he will always be Hacker Enemy #1.
    1
  730. It's like watching 3 Ted Nugents squeeze into one fat suit as they try to determine which one is doing the talking
    1
  731. I haven't seen that many old white men rioting since they cancelled M*A*S*H
    1
  732. Clearly, he's a witch.
    1
  733. These segments are frequently more cringy than hilarious, but this one was funny AF.
    1
  734. We are born wrinkled, naked, afraid, and incapable of reason, self defense, mobility, and control of bowel and bladder We go out the same way It's the CIRRRRRCLE of LIFE
    1
  735. TIL: Outrage politics can't agree on the rules. They can only agree that they get to make them up when it suits them.
    1
  736. "Break glass in case of Nuclear Attack"
    1
  737. Still a lot less star spangled hate masturbation than any of todays real Conservative media. But the prog segment was pure bullseye and straight up TYT porn.
    1
  738. I officially stopped believing we have Politicians, or for that matter a Democracy, a few years back now. This is a social experiment to see how far they can push the suspension of disbelief and still maintain control. Because these people can't be real. They are just actors (badly) playing a character, and the Pentavirate are running the show from their secret meeting place: The Meadows.
    1
  739. They don't have an Animal Guy because they have Animal Flubs. And never the twain shall meet
    1
  740. Ginni Thomas. Worst. Tsundere. Ever. How did you ever think that was waifu material, Clarence?
    1
  741. Sweet Donny is the Brick of the Political world.
    1
  742.  @brothajohn  You lie. We know the fate of all those kids sent to Summer School. I hope they were delicious, you monster
    1
  743. Better than stumbling across your mom's onlyfans. Or is it...
    1
  744. I'm more disappointed that Larry thinks he has "fanatics"
    1
  745. Seth has clearly never met a real Drill Instructor on the job. They actively recruit stand up comics for the job, then teach them to be assholes and only feed them raw meat about once every 12 weeks.
    1
  746. You wanna heal America, kick Texas out of the union. The heritage and lifeline of traitors, and spiritual custodian of Dixie.
    1
  747.  @TheKreators  Way to run with the gag, Big McLarge Huge
    1
  748. Seth has, over time, filled the gap left by the Stewart era Daily Show
    1
  749.  @Arcexey  Mmmmmk. Keep your day job as a Republican bumper sticker printer jockey, because your skills as a comment apparatchik fucking SUCK, guy.
    1
  750.  @Bekinditcostsnothing  Undeniably. But a Professor is, by definition, the highest ranked educator in any given environment. Her PhD is in education. So she lays claim to both titles. Most professors who use the title sport a Doctorate.
    1
  751. I'm so glad the new Blade Runner movie is so long. It gives me longer to escape the dystopian present with a less dystopian future where Siri is so advanced, she surprises me by sending Replicant hookers to my apartment.
    1
  752. Legends say George Santos is the first founding member of Nickelback and he shot Ken Block from the grassy knoll.
    1
  753. LEAVE LIZZO ALONE.
    1
  754. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eul1NlwytF4
    1
  755. I'm 99.9% certain that the Pocket Constitutions that GOP senators keep pulling out of their $3000 suits is actually filled with nudie MILF pics from old porno mags that they pasted to the inside
    1
  756. CONGRESS NEEDS TO REMOVE THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL FROM THE PRESIDENT IMMEDIATELY, AND PUT IT IN THE HANDS OF SECDEF MATTIS HE IS COMPROMISED SO BLATANTLY THAT HE CANNOT BE ENTRUSTED WITH OUR NUCLEAR DETERRENT AGAINST A RUSSIAN FIRST STRIKE And no, not in the hands of the VP. You don't trust the power to end the world to a man who's belief system endorses the end of the world
    1
  757. @Jason Johnson She is part of the GOP Intelligentsia Genitalia
    1
  758. Am willing to accept a 2% personal income tax hike just to see Biden Sonic Boom camp Putin for just one round.
    1
  759.  @thomaskristensen4679  A smartly executed riposte, Sir Thomas. Your opponent shan't recover with your skewer still rammed through his cold, black heart.
    1
  760.  @jcresmond1653  Your mom is $10
    1
  761. Good God, tonights debate went far, FAR past Dumpster Fire and didn't stop until it reached Diarrhea Krakatoa
    1
  762. Dougy Collins: Texas Tweaker loves his Meth Moscow Mitch: Riding the White Pony. Slowly. Don the Con: Juicin' and still Losin' Don Jr: Booga Suga's #1 fan
    1
  763. 13:48 Get a load of Rudy's security goon standing back there. Guy looks like an extra that John Wick should have killed 2 movies ago. Ra-Ra-Rasputin! Russia's greatest love machine. It's a shame how he carried on....
    1
  764. Anyone else feel like the last several months of DNC planning was to set Biden up as the sacrificial front runner deliberately so Harris, another insider but equipped with better 1-liners, could knock him down? Anything to keep real progressives out of the spotlight
    1
  765. Kamala: Just HRC with a tan. Williamson: If Trump is all the most cringe-worthy stereotypes of Republicans stuffed into one oversized suit, then Maryanne is all the worst stereotypes of Democrats in one pair of Birkenstocks
    1
  766. JESUS, Carl....
    1
  767. Stephen Colbert has joined the chat
    1
  768. He had to take it back to the rental place after the bit. This is an operation that can't afford an entire soundbite. Probably from making bad bets on the Jets
    1
  769.  Allen_ 85  Oh look, meaningless jargon. Unnecessary buzz words on the play, the ball will placed back at the 40 yard line, replay 4th down, sir.
    1
  770.  @Mobilis_InMobili  It's not a phase, Dad! And no, I didn't get this crimson ghost tat just because my girlfriend thought it was cool.
    1
  771.  @Mobilis_InMobili  You're absolutely right, but my comment was meant to point out that I, too, had Goth probs as lad :P And I still have that Crimson Ghost tat.
    1
  772. That's an old tired argument they teach in first year debate teams. Watched a kid in my son's Constitutional Law Debate team earned shocked applause that swept a competitive meet when he simply said "I'm supposed to counter my opponents argument for arbitrary reasons, but you don't oppose facts, you shore them up. She's right, I know she's right, you know she's right, and I waive my remaining time."
    1
  773. lol, "The military was out of Ammunition" I was working at an Army post ASP (Ammunition supply point) when he took office. We were constantly shipping excess ammo back to Crane, Pine Bluff, and Tooele depots because no one could shoot the lots up fast enough at the ranges to justify what we kept on the bunker cards.
    1
  774. "I don't drink beer. I'm a rich Manhattan Asshole. I do cocaine. SO MUCH Cocaine. All this winning doesn't come naturally, folks. BTW, Charlie Sheen. Tremendous. So tremendous."
    1
  775. And Sanders isn't even technically a Democrat. This whole problem is because we have Parties to begin with, which are mentioned nowhere in the Constitution, nor are they enumerated powers, yet only they run the country. Half of voters are Independent, yet have 2 seats out of 535. Taxation without representation.
    1
  776. USDA approved, certified, officially-government certified Garbage. This shouldn't shock anyone. After all, most of them are mooching government benefits. Otherwise they wouldn't be at a Trump shindig on a Tuesday morning instead of a job.
    1
  777.  @tjbattad7111  the homeless arent collecting checks, theyre homeless, dummy. They may be unsightly to you, but they aint doing as good at milking the system as trailer trash with a roof over their heads
    1
  778. Why did so many voters not vote in 16? Because when a country of 330 million people is run by 2 parties, and the best they could put forward was Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, then it's a pretty natural response to just say "Oh WTF, I give up" 330 million people. And that was the best you could do. WTF, man. WTF.
    1
  779. I, for one, welcome our new inflatable overlords #AllBalloonsMatter
    1
  780.  @Electric-Gal  That would be the mountain of comments from the usual suspects, and his speech on CSPAN today
    1
  781. I feel like an American who sees the Rich who style themselves as the Nobility trying to break the country up so they can claim their own little fiefdoms out of it's corpse, and you their serfs. That's the only explanation for why the Rich, who are almost universally Republicans, are using the Republicans to push the country into balkanizing into little pieces waiting to be scooped up.
    1
  782. Note to self: get Seth's kids diving lessons for Xmas. He has really high standards
    1
  783. Time is a construct
    1
  784. One of the most important responsibilities of being a proper jackal is: never, ever being swayed by the horrible, apocalyptic consequences of your comments actually being taken seriously. "I broke my diet and ate a sector of pizza last night" is how the world ends and reality breaks.
    1
  785.  @soliniv1411  That's one dirty, gross mop.
    1
  786. lol, what an asshole
    1
  787. I really wish the nursing staff would arrive and take Kennedy & Gomert back to the home, already.
    1
  788. "When life gives you Lemons, make some Butterflies and Rainbows" - Marianne Williamson Srsly, everyone: it's July 2019, not March 2020. We are suffering from terminal premature candidate ejectulation. The actual Election is way over a year away, kids. Calm your tatas, Media.
    1
  789. He's a Republican. All Republicans believe in some flavor of Depopulation Plot. Why do you think they encouraged COVID running wild among people who were of age to draw Social Security? Old Rich People trying to purge Old Poor People, who foolishly vote for Old Rich People
    1
  790. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we? Manchin and Sinema are conservative democrats. Not centrists, and certainly not moderates. Something no one has wanted to admit still exists since the 90's.
    1
  791.  @vp2008  No, what I remember was that 2 days before the coup happened, the acting Sec Def (who could apparently see into the future) circulated a memo to ensure the National Guard did NOT interfere with the traitors or arrive armed. Funny, that.
    1
  792. I feel an unspoken bond with McDonalds. I have also gone several years between releases.
    1
  793. New thumbnails are creepy, Seth. But then, it's you, so I assume that's either your doing, or your staffers trolling you again
    1
  794. I was more impressed with that big AF watch. Thing was...what? 400 pixels wide? Mikes head was maybe 380. At best. That a big timepiece.
    1
  795. When someone told him the name Gaza Strip, he immediately imagined it was full of lap dances and cheap steak dinners
    1
  796. WHO'S the welfare queen again?!? Yep, the guy who claims everyone brown is on welfare and he's paying all the taxes is always the guy trying to game the disability/unemployment system
    1
  797. There's no way he actually SPENT $100 mil on 'legal bills' on THOSE lawyers, especially when he is famous for never paying his lawyers That money is busy getting a tan in the Caiman islands or chillin in a swiss KGB account
    1
  798. Piro looks like what you would get if all of Tammy Faye Bakker's used, scraped off makeup came to life and started a career as a Fox Commentator
    1
  799. It sure as hell will be if I go to drop off my ballot and find rifle toting dips**ts there menacing me. Because they aren't gonna get the meek, submissive response they were expecting.
    1
  800. As the homeless folks in the Barter Town camp near me like to say: "I don't do drugs. I get high. That's completely different. Now what's up with that catalytic converter on your car?"
    1
  801. The only way to stop this SCOTUS from helping them claim the next election was stolen too is to pack the court to undo what this pet monster court of Mitch McConnell's has done. Amy Coney Barrett was picked and confirmed just 2 months before the election, and it's in the rules. THE BIDEN ADMIN & DEMOCRAT SENATE NEED TO PACK THE COURT RIGHT NOW.
    1
  802. Sack Pelosi. She should have never had the gavel in the first place, because we all knew this would happen before she even got the job back. The official term to seek her removal is "File a motion to vacate the chair". Call & write your congressman and tell them it's time. It nearly happened to Paul Ryan.
    1
  803. r/WallStreetBets: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
    1
  804. He's just a humble man with a giant c**k
    1
  805. Fanny Pack Pretzel Tuxedo seems like a decent name for a Primus album
    1
  806. Shhh, that kind of talk will get you burned at the stake for heresy And we've completely changed the meaning of patriotism anymore.
    1
  807. Clearly, there is only one man who can get us out of this mess: We get Nick Cage to steal the Presidency back.
    1
  808. It's not him dying on his 'I said tariffs, so its gotta be tariffs' hill. It's all of us dying on his big, fat gut beneath his 3 chins. Edit: The destruction of the country is the point anyways. His GOP masters are after the balkanization of the US into parts that can be sold off on one hand, and the juiciest bits kept so they can have their own kingdoms on the other. The GOP is a corporation, a raider looking to break the US up and sell off the corpse.
    1
  809. How the hell did the Fox 'fact checkers' decide an average 'Murican only eats 4.4 lbs of red meat a year? I eat more than that on any given grillin' weather weekend.
    1
  810. He wasn't supposed to take the "Press F to pay Respects" meme so literally
    1
  811. Riiiiiiiiight...whatever you say, freakshow
    1
  812. Keeping him in his coffin doesn't require a nail. It requires a wooden stake.
    1
  813. Artemis 1 is a go and on the way. That is all.. Carry on.
    1
  814. They've already proven they will throw out our votes. If Biden doesn't pack the court with more justices to undo what McConnell has done...do not expect for one second that they won't just try throwing your vote out again. And they might succeed.
    1
  815. For Deplorables: A Socialist is anyone who wants the money that was taken from them at gunpoint spent on them (Society) more than Big Business
    1
  816. JUST SAY IT.
    1
  817.  @Trumpedupnow  <--- oh goodie, the Republicans are doubling the number of rubles they pay foreign clickfarmers before the election. Again.
    1
  818. Well, as Trump proved...when your business is failing, go work for the GOP
    1
  819. Bill Hader is what it would sound like if your pubic hair could jump off your crotch & talk to you
    1
  820. Pretty sure he's just an animatronic wig mannequin Looks like a methy Harvey Keitel with Trump's hand-me-down spray tan.
    1
  821.  Eileen Farrar  Maria Butina may have been sent back to Russia, but I wonder how many other Russian Intelligence honeypots have lonely gun fondler NRA & GOP lobbyist incels wrapped around their little fingers right now, ready to do anything for Sugardaddy Vlad
    1
  822. That is one ignorant shiksa
    1
  823. They've done it before. In '86 when everyone got blown mid flight on the Challenger
    1
  824. If you ever meet someone who proudly tells you they're ones to make 'the hard decisions', then to them they were never hard decisions. And that person is a sociopath. Like Noem.
    1
  825. Every bit as awkward yet funny as watching an Action Bronson music video
    1
  826. Jefferson Davis: LOL, bruh. You must've REALLY pissed them off
    1
  827. Fun fact: Trump's father in law was a KGB informer. Eric, Don Jr, and Ivanka are the grandkids of a KGB snitch.
    1
  828.  @ishotmyboss  Green Giant.
    1
  829. Cocaine and a room full of writers are powerful agents to the uninitiated, but we are initiated, aren't we, Seth? Members of the Late Night crew! You really do have to wait for the audience to leave before you can get this keyed up and go bird bained.
    1
  830. If you walked into Big Lots and asked the clerk for one 'Self made American millionaire', Trump is what he would dig out of the back of the store
    1
  831. LAUGHS IN JAR JAR
    1
  832. It had everything except More Meryl Streep. Who is actually just an animatronic Oscar statue
    1
  833. The only thing that should have been called into question during the Kerry questioning is the veracity of Congressman Massie's hair. It doesn't even look like a tupe. It looks like a tiny carseat cover from the O'Reilly Auto Parts bargain bin that was used in a Turkish guy's Uber before he returned it for shrinkage
    1
  834. Stop trying to find excuses for We The People to not have democratic (which IS majority rule) power, while finding excuses to support your favorite flavor of dictator
    1
  835. And in the end, those text messages proved to be 100% accurate, and that makes them the bad guys in this story? They simply said what was written on the wall and that everyone knew to be true
    1
  836. Last January, a despicable mob tried to take over our democracy and trashed the People's building. Next week.....a despicable mob is going to take over Seth's studio and trash his nice, quiet show. Will this horror never end?
    1
  837. Oh no, it's not demons. Just me. All me. All day. PROUD to die on that hill, baby
    1
  838. We're ignoring that Putin has his own coalition. Belarus under Alexander Lukashenko and Chechnya under Ramzan Kadyrov are active belligerents and combatants in this. And he has further fanbois in Serbian public opinion, and even Indian conservative sentiment is dubious and very pro-Russia/anti-anything West. Yes, that's right, America. You keep forgetting that New Delhi is Moscow's military ally, not Washington's.
    1
  839. If a Party's platform is to not play by the rules of a democracy, then they should be banned from participating in that democracy. Nobody said you had to have a party to be a candidate, ffs. Ban the GOP party from elections. Problem solved.
    1
  840. I wonder what would happen if a dozen GOP house members end up indicted for their role in J6? Now THAT would be a wonderful switcheroo. The expression on McCarthy's face alone would be worth the prosecutions to watch their house majority evaporate overnight. Shortest house speaker career in history.
    1
  841.  @pennybunnyxd9157  Thank you. That, like most things, is the truth and fact that lies somewhere in the middle. But, it's 2021, so everyone wants to be on the FAR end of the debate because it's fun to fight, rather than landing on the facts. We are overloaded on meat and sugars, but then we have reactionaries on a crusade who demand everyone go the polar opposite hard-vegan not for scientific health reasons, but personal politics, and cause other deleterious effects. When vat grown meat becomes a thing (that is edible...) I'll be glad to see it, but until then I'm adding a couple slices of Bacon and Cheese to my Impossible Whopper.
    1
  842.  @demondog9482  We're in a super-ghetto version of The Matrix, my man. And there's no one coming to free our minds.
    1
  843. The 1st impeachment and it's failure in the trial phase on the Senate floor did have an effect: It cost the Republicans the senate They chose party over country in front of everyone. The average American's grudge against such sleaziness held for a whole year until last November.
    1
  844. And people still think that shambling trainwreck had sex with porn stars when he was 60. He didn't pay them for silence. He paid them to leak a fake story about his virility to the media and maintain the lie that he could even get it up.
    1
  845. I could see Kim spanking trump with a rolled up state media magazine. I don't WANT to see it, but I still can see it
    1
  846. If Trump is against it, then it's good for America. It's nice that things have become so simple again.
    1
  847. Yeah, but he did a fine job about surrending our mission and positions against ISIL by Syria and firing Mattis, after the Russians attacked us there Battle of Khasham, 2018 Yes, folks, Russia attacked US troops and put bounties on them long before we started helping the Ukranians. Strange how that got swept under the rug by the Trump administration, dontchathink?
    1
  848. I seem to recall this exact episode on Barney Miller. It was funny then. It's funny now.
    1
  849. Is anyone really surprised? Meth Prosumers, Opiate Enthusiasts and the Klan Kurious Krowd are one and the same. White nationalism and Speed have been business partners since the 60's.
    1
  850. That Frasier joke don't Impress Me Monk
    1
  851. A teenager in 2017 named Gary, now that WOULD be funny....
    1
  852. I swear, the News is more desperate for De Santis to run than Republicans are.
    1
  853. You sure it wasn't the Special? Hey! Hey everyone! Someone get this guy some Pepto Bismol!
    1
  854. lol, the pillars of GOP power are in CYA mode, they finally decided to cut their losses and silence loose ends. Sadly, won't work. Come November of next year, we won't be forgetting January of this year.
    1
  855. I really hope the Huckabeard gets caught in the paper shredder during one of his evidence elimination sessions
    1
  856. Bryan Cranston presents: The thin patchy line between Cowboy and Pornstar Cowboy.
    1
  857. About the only name I can think of that could tackle Republican corruption, fair rule of law, and being completely unruffled by Russia would be Sally Yates. How pissed off would Putin be to have to deal with a woman who made a career out of busting foreign agents and mobsters who is completely and totally unimpressed by his bullshit?
    1
  858. Send me money, send me green, heaven you will meet Make a contribution and you'll get a better seat Bow to Leper Messiah
    1
  859. I prefer to criticize Pitchers for being Belly Itchers
    1
  860. SF5 was absolutely badass. But what do you call it when Stewart crashes it?
    1
  861. Seriously. A damned Lovecraftian monster.
    1
  862.  @kestrels.9189  Because I'm a real POS, I shall share the horror with you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8UV7SAhvG4 It's no Rebecca Black Friday, but it's pretty close.
    1
  863.  Steve Jarvis  :P
    1
  864. His crawl space is nicer than my living space
    1
  865.  @corbeau-_-  The logic is sound. For the Americans, despite what everyone likes to think and say on the internet, arms is way down on their economy list. Like 24th in their economy. It's actually similar to China. Their economy is not built around gun and bomb dealing. And that has an effect on their politics. But then you look at Russia and France. Arms dealing is Russias #2 industry, has half the population of the US, and is a tug-o-war with the US for #1 in the world for arms sales, dollar for dollar. Same story for France. It's a cornerstone of their economy, and that means their politics will revolve around the economy of war too. France thrives on wars, period. The US and China doesn't. Oh, they're involved, but they don't revolve around it. Unlike Russia and France. Look no futher than the Foreign Legion's history as a Mercenary force, and the things they did under the radar in Africa. Bloody involvement in diamonds and gold mining. For the sake of the French economy.
    1
  866. Association Football = Soccer for short in the UK, and there's no tagbacks. Canadian Football (yes, it's actually Canadian in Origin) =Rugger in the UK, and since soccer is about as exciting as watching paint dry, it's Football in North America. Just because Brits changed their mind about the name at some point doesn't mean everyone has to obey them. You started calling it soccer, so it's soccer. NO tagbacks. Either way, it's still hideously boring to watch. It's Hockey for people who can't skate, Polo for people who can't ride a horse, and Basketball for people who can't dribble.
    1
  867. Repo! The Genetic Healthplan....
    1
  868. I'm a Vermin Supreme man. Because I believe in a Pony based economy.
    1
  869.  @jamesballantyne2194  I may not be a Catholic anymore, but hot damn, my stock in Karma LLC is SOARING right now
    1
  870. 20 Republicans needed to Immediately Removal & Conviction 4 Republicans needed for Disqualification for Public Office Just 4 Republican Senators. 20 may be impossible, but if Mitt Romney, his friends, or the 4 retiring senators vote for disqualification....no Trump 2020 https://law.justia.com/constitution/us/article-2/49-judgment-removal-and-disqualification.html
    1
  871.  Eric Sledge  Feel better, buddy. And avoid chinese food for a while. Their new plague gives a whole new meaning to "Panda Express"
    1
  872.  @australien6611  I never hired Epstein to supervise my daughters. R. Kelly was much cheaper, but when it came to putting them to bed on time, Cosby is the man to beat.
    1
  873. Yes, Seth. You are correct. It's across the bridge in Warrenton, not Astoria proper. Sadly, this meant that our glorious Wal-Mart got no screen time in The Goonies.
    1
  874. The only way they can pay for the Rich Kid Tax Cut: Kill everyone before they can draw their Social Security back out
    1
  875.  @ErnstKuhn  One mathematical problem: The MAGA bloc is not the largest. This worst timeline wasn't the fault of the popular vote. It's the continuing fault of the Electoral College. An enterprise that has littered the years of American history with the political corpses of Politicians who overestimated the average American voter.
    1
  876. Doctor Omarova displayed the patience of a saint when every one of us would have gone over and kicked that old POS right in his dentures
    1
  877. Does the Cheesecake Factory Menu count?
    1
  878. What is it with Kevin McCarthy and his Botox face? Kelly Anne sports a wider range of facial motion than that android
    1
  879. 6 years ago, the lady who owned the Goonies house had it shut down and tarped up because thousands of people kept coming up to the fence doing the Truffle Shuffle and leaving trash everywhere.
    1
  880. I remember how we all thought Melania was some tragic hostage for almost 3 years of this shitshow. Some Stockholme syndrome garbage. Oh, how innocent and hopeful we were for a character with a possible redemption arc. All we got was another B Villain henchwoman.
    1
  881. Trying to see the difference between falsely yelling fire in a crowded movie theater and falsely broadcasting hurricane in a state Still not really seeing it.
    1
  882. "GET IN MAH BELLEH!" - Anderson Cooper
    1
  883. My son's boss (a die hard Fox News type) told him to come back to work yesterday after just 1 week off, because he wants to get a jump on business before the Easter "boom". He thinks this is an opportunity. They supply commercial construction equipment and materials to worksite contractors. One of which has closed operations for an outbreak at the construction site. Never underestimate a Conservatives ability to take a horrible situation and make it worse if they can smell an extra buck in it for themselves.
    1
  884. Corrections is going to be so dope this week....
    1
  885. Orange ya glad I didn't say Orange?
    1
  886. Russia, Russia, Russia the Trump fangirls say. **4 years of Trump undermining and trying to break away from NATO** Well gee whiz. Russia, Russia, Russia indeed. Follow the money. Leads right to his debts and the GOP's campaign warchest.
    1
  887. The Blue Ripple just took the House in a big way. There were only ever a tiny handful of Senate seats that could have been taken from the GOP in the first place, and losing a couple didn't exactly make the situation any worse
    1
  888. "I'm no Anime expert.." Somehow I don't believe you, Congressman Pedobear Gaetz. His browser history probably just a litany of Loli, Futa, Yaoi, and Furry searches
    1
  889. If you think that's awkward, wait til you read the leaked DMs about the Wario/Waluigi ship
    1
  890. And watching Fox really makes it apparent: They believe THEY run that party, and thus the country. They're right about the former, but should be run out of town before they can accomplish the latter.
    1
  891.  Jonathan Taylor  Weed ain't Booga Suga, baby. And Mr Florida Teeth is definitely powdering his nose before doing his drama queen bit for the cameras
    1
  892.  Jonathan Taylor  No idea what you mean, Jon. Sorry, I don't have time to get into this. Gotta look up more Baby Yoda memes
    1
  893. "Clerics cannot learn Wizards spells" For context, this is why Preachers never become Lawyers.
    1
  894. More likely he just paid it $130k
    1
  895. This is not new. The first 6 months Kushner spent in Israel wasn't about 'peace', he was brokering contract deals to build condos on the Golan Heights with the Israeli government. This was documented and reported all the way back in 2018, and coincided with the official moving of the US embassy to Jerusalem. Which was probably the price for the deal.
    1
  896. The ancient animatronic bots at my local Chuck E Cheese are functioning better than our doddering, Metamucil fueled politicians. I mean, I'm old and retired, but Jesus. If there's a cap on driving due to age infirmity, there sure as hell should be one for wielding the power of a high ranking Politician.
    1
  897. Oh, right. Virginia Military Institute. None of their cadets ever got the memo that Lee surrendered. And they still salty at West Point about.... everything
    1
  898. It's worth noting that he's hardly alone. He was dimed out by his Chinese competitor/frienemy Binance. What no one is mentioning is that yes, a snake oil salesman has gone down. But the Chinese one that set him up for the fall is taking over the snake oil market in his place. This is as much a case of No Honor Among Thieves as it is China waging economic war against all things West.
    1
  899. Incorrect. It's about whether the person you voted for is still POTUS by 2028, or their VP is. Because when you have 2 feet in the grave, and your VP is someone who could never get elected... Then you have a real problem with how old you are and the Grim Reaper gets the deciding vote.
    1
  900. At the top of the test where he was supposed to write his name and the date, he somehow managed to select False
    1
  901. Yeah, the bit was hilarious alright. What's more hilarious was that one of Seth's interns had to assault a McDonalds to ask them to honor the Breakfast Now Served All Day promise and cook up a single hashbrown at like 5 PM and bring it back for the taping, making them the biggest asshole in the food services universe. #NeverForget1030
    1
  902. lol, pandering to fems with a spin on girls rule, boys drool: plays ever time
    1
  903. Just think about how many Ukrainian lives could have been saved if Vlad had keeled over from COVID. And the billions in military aid they wouldn't need anymore, that war would have ground to a halt without Putin. Send the bill to Donald.
    1
  904. Population purges have been a stable feature of ALL 'conservative' movements throughout human history. It is a key feature of the Republican platform, not a bug. Unlike the flies following Trump as he shat him Depends on stage
    1
  905.  @victoriavinson8401  The difference is: When you throw facts at Pence, you can shut him up and shut him down. You do that to Trump, you're just throwing gas on a dumpster fire. I'll take the malfunctioning Pence Bot 5000 over a Trump Kaiju Attack anyday
    1
  906. Self: Watches LN w/ Seth, the Dickies of Late Night hosts, which is for some reason preceded by a Prada ad. U2b really doesn't understand the audience it's advertising to, does it?
    1
  907. Go ahead, call it Diet Impeachment and drink it by the gallon. You're still fat. And acquittal or not in your pet Senate, more facts are coming out and no one is walking around pretending this is OK for 4 years at a time anymore
    1
  908. The guy already reincarnated as Football Colonel Sanders. Let it go, man.
    1
  909. Worst. Babysitter. Ever.
    1
  910. I can confirm that I am, in fact, everywhere
    1
  911. So what? I wouldn't take it back, either. We don't owe the people who attempted (and are still attempting) a coup any civility. Nobody had to be polite to the Nuremberg defendants, either.
    1
  912. Anyone wanna take bets on whether or not President Ryan (thanks alot 25th Amendment...) will pardon Trump and Pence like Ford did for Nixon?
    1
  913.  @asadmahmood2007  Looking at your avatar pic...bruh, just come out already. And also...do you a certified pre-owned version of that model on the lot?
    1
  914. So it ain't just dogs that look like their owners.
    1
  915. 1. Accepting or not accepting the results of an election is neither a right nor a privelege. You lose because we told you that you did 2. If you are not going to play by the rules of democracy, then you and your coup-coup party are to be ejected from participating in the very democracy you're attacking. Kick them off the ballot, never to return. Full stop.
    1
  916. Keep your damn migrant whales away from my pure American windmills, Trump. The pods...they're not sending their best. Make Turbines Great Again.
    1
  917. His wholesomeness can deflect a 105mm APFSD round.
    1
  918.  America Project  I apologize, you are quite correct, America. As a US Cav Man, I should have noticed this typo and immediately redeemed the dishonor heaped upon my household through the noble act of Seppuku
    1
  919. I can never hear her voice anymore and picture anything but Vanellope von Schweets Forever and always, the queen of candy
    1
  920. End easy-mass-murder devices at the manufacturer level. Every day sees thousands more made, waiting to be sold and put into bloody circulation. And the parts that keep them running. Gimp every gun coming off the assembly line, and end the transfer and sale of every repeating weapon so they go to the grave with their owners. You can't do a gun grab, personal property is personal property, but you can make the worst ones an endangered species at the source.
    1
  921. No old Navy vets nearby wanted to be the guy who explains to him how Submarines work. Underwater. By the power of electricity.
    1
  922. Somebody was feeling his improv oats last night
    1
  923. Wait, what? Girls AREN'T raising their hands as the know-it-alls in class nowadays? WTF. Times really have changed....
    1
  924. It's disturbing how the guys at the top of the Federal Employee Foodchain are the absolute worst federal employees. Your average Wage Grade 5 lives his or her life in a perpetual hamster wheel of effort that goes nowhere but round and round, adhering to conduct standards from the OPM handbook emphasized by mental images of a guillotine in Guantanamo Bay, and these crusty old asshats can't sit still for 2 goddamn hours for things that have massive implications.
    1
  925. They don't get to make up some BS about cancelling the Muppets after Trump legitimately tried to kill Sesame Street
    1
  926. You know you suck at Government Job when you're a Harvard and Westpoint grad who not only never got above Captain, but ended your military career shuffled off to manage a maintenance unit because your chain thought you were too much of a loser to continue being trusted with tanks and troops. Pretty sad showing for a W Pointer who graduated top of his class.
    1
  927. Wow, glad you aren't a bigot who's become empowered to act out or anything, Amy.
    1
  928. Trump Manson is 112 octane nightmare fuel
    1
  929.  @ThomasPanto  He doesn't do what he does for beliefs. None of them sitting in front of a camera do. They do it because it pays them. When Fascism becomes a non-profitable industry again, then we stop seeing failed actors playing Adolph.
    1
  930.  @ld5108  Wolf is every bit the paycheck-chasing hack and liar that Carlson is. These people don't deserve ink or airtime. The Industry of Bullshit also contains the diaspora of Paid Fasicsm Consultants.
    1
  931.  @nitemare5030  Beep boop beep beep BOP.
    1
  932. Well then like "Sergeants Major" instead of "Sergeant Majors", would it be Traders Joe? And don't say it so loud, some Q nut who doesn't even speak english will turn that into "Traitors Joe" and bots will make it every 5th comment on CNN, thinking it's somehow a meme.
    1
  933. Meanwhile, every single rich ass in the GOP is cheering like cultists as soon as Trump said he "lifted" 7 million people off foodstamps at the SOTU
    1
  934. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bruhaha
    1
  935. Gold. Chaotic evil, cursed dragons-hoard gold.
    1
  936. That man is the classiest hobo I've ever seen
    1
  937. NO. He's AMERICA'S now. And you can't have him back, England. No backsies.
    1
  938. Not gonna lie, at first I thought it said 5 Minute Poop Song Which is how I figure most pop music is born
    1
  939. "What's happening with them curses, Charlie?" "7 days, Turkish." "It was 2 days 7 days ago."
    1
  940. Schumer: "I know you are, but what am I?!?" Trump: "OK, that's fair. You win this round."
    1
  941. You never, EVER let Wario into the safe to 'make sure' all the gold is there
    1
  942. Well, that was the most boilerplate and spun list of talking points I've heard in a while. And we live in the Trump era. Yes, I'm sure 20 years of media coverage never ever put enough emphasis on what are just the MOST reported on subjects from one end of the media to the other in the last 2 decades
    1
  943. You'll notice you never hear about death threats against him, the supposed biggest 'commie' in the US Government and America's most popular politician. Feared and avoided by Republicans and Democrats alike. And one of only 2 congressmen repping the largest party: independents. Even the 1/6 fools know better than to throw him a dirty look. Touch one hair left on his head, and all of hell would come after them.
    1
  944. OK, fuckers. You wanna revisit Roe vs Wade and Brown v Board of Ed? That's fine, we can also revisit DC vs Heller. Let's see how you like it when your access to a .45 ACP or 5.56 security blanket is suddenly up for grabs
    1
  945.  @MrJBA79  Just keep reporting any repeated comments as spam. Multiple users reporting will activate the algo, the algo will confirm and delete
    1
  946.  Clyde2  Your mom's Bad Dragon toy?
    1
  947. The things Republican congressmen were willing to say in session today blew my mind. They deserved gold medals for the kinds of mental gymnastics they pulled off on the floor event.
    1
  948. It's literally the historical replay of the "America First" committee in the 30's pre-war United States that was funded by the 3rd Reich government and agents, and had congressmen and senators on their payroll.
    1
  949. I hear the government has become really unstable there since the assassination of President Moise. Thoughts and prayers.
    1
  950. #Bwitter user Someone who won't stop posting pictures of their new beau or them still going places they used to hang out with their ex to show how much they are "over him" after getting dumped
    1
  951. The Revolution will not be televised. But the failed coup sure was.
    1
  952. OF COURSE, every News franchise would lie to you about the polls because that means $$$ to them. Because, weirdly, all the damned races are supposedly dead heats until the last second. So you watch. Weird, that. Polls shouldn't sway you, anyways. Vote, vote gets counted, results are announced, and F their ratings. Enough of this second-by-second influencing to sniff out the lemmings.
    1
  953. Maybe so many kids regret having Jim Gaffigan as a Dad
    1
  954. Casey Neistat is the VSCO girl of Mid Life Crisis hipsters
    1
  955. Lindsey's been sent packing down the Herschel Highway
    1
  956. Personally I would call the CDC if Bannon was on the loose. We don't need the epidemic of...whatever is wrong with him getting outside of the red state Quarantine zones.
    1
  957.  @silencedogood5766  Is that supposed to be Ben Franklin? Are you pretending to be some sort of Star Spangled super patriot out to wake up the "sheeple" with oh-so witty comments from your 6 month old Burner profile?
    1
  958.  @AuGold808  Your mom's a teleprompter
    1
  959. That moment Seth realizes he dropped a ref so obscure and erudite even the MST3k guys would be confused, that he feels shame at his viewer demographic and life choices.
    1
  960. Ok, Doc. I've seen enough. Do it. Pull the plug. I can't stand seeing him like this anymore. Suffering. Breathing, but completely braindead.
    1
  961. Square footage and dollar amounts are not subject to 'puffery'. They are absolute metrics, and are of enough gravity to be the source of wars.
    1
  962. Was always more likely to slam dunk the election than Joe Biden, DNC still couldn't handle it because he's not Their Minion This is why we can't have nice things
    1
  963. You didn't order it, but he's going to make you a martini you can't refuse, you gabagool
    1
  964. I dunno. Considering the campaigns Jefferson and Adams ran against each other in the 1800 election...this seems on brand for us, historically speaking.
    1
  965. The Medellin cartel is definitely going to put a contract out on John Oliver, and John Mulaney is going to take the gig. Marketing is a ruthless business.
    1
  966.  @thisisutubnottwitterwhyhandles  Did you just...not hear what I said and decide to repeat yourself? THERE. IS. NO. FILIBUSTERING. A. SCOTUS. NOMINATION. IN. THE. SENATE. ANYMORE. The ended that in 2020, do you not remember the 'Nuclear Option' drama when they changed it to simple majority rules for confirmations?? Harry Reid and McConnell spent the year blaming each other.
    1
  967.  @chonqmonk  Barret was confirmed in 6 weeks. During an election year.
    1
  968. "Burning me is uncool." *Sniff Sniff* "I smell smoke, that can mean only one thing..."
    1
  969. I still think Nick Cage would have made a better batman than the Sparkly Boy. Joel Schumacher would agree with me.
    1
  970. Feels like the end of the Flash Gordon movie. Cut to a mysterious hand reclaiming a Mac figure, ghostly impressions camp laughter, and "The Fin?" fadeout Which, you know, was actually the end.
    1
  971. Only Fox News has the chutzpah to tie the phrase Free Market Economics to the word Tariffs
    1
  972. Playing the truly definitive villain who steals the show from the protagonist is the ultimate screen credit. Ledger's Joker, Hemsworth's Dementus, Starr's Homelander, and Hopkins will always be Dr Lecter
    1
  973. I suggest every furloughed male federal employee consider donating semen. Directly to the White House. By mail. In jars. Let's see how 400,000 jars of FedDudeJuice looks on the white house lawn. I won't presume to dictate what female employees should send, I'll just let their imaginations run with that one.
    1
  974. Alexander Suarez - Prove it.
    1
  975.  @Tsweeney12584  Fun fact: Every member of the GOP wears a T-shirt under their suits with their unofficial coat of arms, featuring a picture of a pile of cocaine over a panel van with no windows in the back emblazoned with the motto "Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed"
    1
  976. I'll be honest: That Neil Tyson didn't come out of the wings and start a SciFi talk breakdance fight while smooth jazz plays as the battle theme feels like an obvious and missed opportunity
    1
  977. If Trump came out to Simply Red or Sade, there would have been questions. Scratch that, there wouldn't have been any question.
    1
  978. LANA!! Dangerzone.
    1
  979. I do love that 90% of them outed themselves for not really being for Medicare for All/Single Payer, when so many of them rode that well-polled bandwagon with some lip service here and there, never meaning a word of it, yet more than 56% of Americans are demanding it from their tax dollar It was like witnessing giant neon signs light up over their heads declaring "I'm in the Health Insurance Industry's Pocket"
    1
  980. Alina Habba working the corner: Baby, I'll do anything you want for $200 Trump: Dress up and pretend to be my Attorney Also Trump: Just kidding, there is no $200
    1
  981. While Biden was honoring some of the last D-Day veterans today, Elon Musk has been using obviously-Twitter-employed profiles to push real, no BS "We should've sided with the Nazis" memes on us through Twitter.
    1
  982.  @mohamedquaraish9360  Like hell they are. They're overwhelmingly Arab, and Canaanite heritage is only largely representative in Lebanon, otherwise its largely absorbed into Arab and Hebrew family lineages in Jordan, Lebanon and Israel. Last time I checked, nobody has tried taking Mecca away from Islam, which is *the* center of Arab ethnic culture, full stop. Palestinian is just a polite term for Islamic Colonizer and Foot Soldier squatting Hebrew homeland turf to keep their claim to an ancient conquest alive. The swords under the Crescent Moon and Star on the Islamic motif was never just decorative.
    1
  983. It really is a miserable time to be a moderate Democrat or Independent
    1
  984. Now to keep Nancy & Chuck from simply selling everything out. Which they are likely to do. Dems may have taken the house, but the Insider Royalty democrats are still there, doing what cost them in the first place
    1
  985. Still waiting on that Netflix CockKnocka spinoff
    1
  986. Trump is Tom Cruise at 71. He thinks he's a real action hero, and is threatened by real soldiers and other heroes. Those tiny hands couldn't even handle Roy Moore's peashooter
    1
  987. That's fine. We're purging Republican politicians. At a suboptimal pace, mind you, but Elon hasn't made shooting people into the Sun affordable. Yet.
    1
  988. Business Floppies should be a thing
    1
  989. Trump: You're a Socialist. Bernie: You're a spoiled Daddy's Boy. Bankruptcy says what? Trump: What?? Bernie: * * Mic Drop * *
    1
  990. "Why do we always come here? I guess we’ll never know. It’s like a kind of torture to have to watch the show!" - Statler & Waldorf at a Trump Rally
    1
  991. His bullshit is what's filling it up and providing counter weight
    1
  992. The only other likely culprit is Muqtada Al-Sadr. You probably haven't heard of him, but just about every Iraq vet has. And has tangled with or been shot at by his militia. He is home-grown Shia Bad Guy #1 in Baghdad, and a problem since 2003. He rarely got media coverage during the war because Al Qaeda (who wasn't nearly as present) sells ink for the News and Al Sadr did not, but he was the biggest player, even more than the Baathist (Sunni) die hards in places like Fallujah.
    1
  993. Ukraine needs a Doolittle's Raid moment to take the pressure off their own turf. Some Russian assembly area hit by commandos, and hit LOUDLY, on the Russian side of the border. Where the smoke can't be ignored by the Russian people, and to send a message to Putin that Ukraine isn't trapped in a conflict with Russia, but that Russia trapped itself in a conflict with Ukraine.
    1
  994. For the love of god, everyone just stop acting like Fox News has any business at a White House press briefing in the first place. They're not journalists, they've had to say in court they're not journalists. Stop giving them a journalist's access. We'd be better served giving their seat at the table to a correspondent from High Times or Mad Magazine.
    1
  995. And now we need a Seth goes Day Drinking with Jen bit She strikes me as a Pimm's Cup and Highball gal.
    1
  996.  @lolowfi  Because there WERE cheap fakes, you arse. We can see you, you know
    1
  997. They're going...they're going....they're going back to
    1
  998. How long have you been saving these?
    1
  999. Lawful Evil Stephen Colbert is going to make sure we have an intentional government shutdown next week instead of an accidental one. Yippee.
    1
  1000. Emergency Meeting: November 3rd, 2020 America: Orange sus AF Nancy Pelosi: I saw him vent, but you didn't believe me *Orange was the Impostor*
    1
  1001. I'm just here for the Sinaloa Cocaine ad placement
    1
  1002. Ask the Democrat party. When John Kerry jumped up in the middle of a fundraiser dinner filled with donors before the 2016 election and loudly announced "We must stop Bernie Sanders!" Not Donald Trump or Republicans. Bernie Sanders. An Indie forced to caucus with Democrats.
    1
  1003. We're talking about a country where hundreds of people (and the cops themselves) called in bomb reports because somebody hung up a handful of Lite-Bright art displays around Boston. Because Aqua-Teen Mooninite pixel art = Bomb Threat to the '5G is coming for your Brain Waves' crowd. Its time to start ignoring (and citing for disturbance) the BigFoot kooks instead of platforming them again.
    1
  1004. Literally had to check Maps to make sure Andorra was a real thing
    1
  1005. Chappelle was right. You really don't know when to take your chips and cash out before you crap out.
    1
  1006. I'd settle for a D a h m e r D a i s
    1
  1007. Welcome baAaAaAaaAack..... Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.
    1
  1008. Are they just trying to get him together with Sirhan Sirhan or what?
    1
  1009. Seth is becoming dangerously British-dry in his humor, but played back at 1/4th speed Sooo....Canada Dry?
    1
  1010.  @gamepapa1211  Not even in the slightest. Maybe as Kentucky Fried Chicken's #1 customer perhaps.
    1
  1011.  @pierrefaust4059  <---- oh look, more bot profiles created just this year to muddy the conversation.
    1
  1012. Bring your scuba gear and about a hundred laundry baskets, you'll need them to navigate around the mountains of wet panties in the comments
    1
  1013. Did you watch Wild Wild Country? We have a history of voter suppression, and getting away with it while flat out doing it to your face without even trying to be subtle. Republicans Sue Proffitt of Wasco County and Secretary of State Normal Paulus of Oregon did it most publicly that day in 1984 by flat out denying voter from registration at the door to the polls, by claiming it was fraud that thousands of homeless and veterans were "threatening the purity of the ballot box" Yeah, it was a scramble by the Rajneeshis to get voters, but they were still US citizens and residents of their crazyland ranch, and Republicans flat out just said to their faces "We're not going to let you vote because we don't like you, and we have this flimsy excuse of Voter Fraud based on no evidence whatsoever"
    1
  1014.  @ragereynolds4374  I'd love it if they brought Shovels & Rope on. Keep it upbeat
    1
  1015. If they have cops, it's a sure bet the US Postal Service also has covert operatives. Spies. Debonaire postman spies. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow will keep secret postal agent Rich Goodwood from uncovering the Monday Coupon Clipper world domination plot. License to bill.
    1
  1016. "Sonny, the money is in Dick and Fart jokes" - My Nanna
    1
  1017. So do Celebrity Deaths, Arabic divorces, and Black Aggie summonings in your bathroom mirror at midnight.
    1
  1018. Nadia about to be blasted as a Socialist by both Rand Paul and Tucker Carlson in 3....2....
    1
  1019. I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going....
    1
  1020. @ It would be like that one time Cartoon Network did a Behind the Scenes of the Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast animators dept. The reality of the morlocks behind it all was WAY freakier than the product. Never look at how the sausage gets made - Ron Jeremy
    1
  1021. Where are the MC Hammer soundbites, Lebowski??
    1
  1022. Why do Conservatives think Orange = a Tan? Because they would sooner die than be Brown
    1
  1023. I figured it out. Trump is actually a Make-A-Wish kid with some kind of Benjamin Button disease gone horribly wrong, but they didn't tell the rest of us. Be nice to him, people. Being president was his wish. Republicans and Wu Tang: They're for the children.
    1
  1024. He would just replace her with Hope Hicks. A "Former Model" that he just loves soooooo much....
    1
  1025. Princess Buttercup vs Ellen Aim. Let them fight. In babyoil.... Now about Mia Sara & Jennifer Connelly.....
    1
  1026. And yet people will still vote for him because he 'promised to make Mexicans go away' They lie when they say it was about Economics. They only cared about immigration bigotry. The problem isn't Trump and his GOP handlers, it's voters who make their BS possible in the first place. They ordered the Supersize Meal they wanted, but can't admit they got the order wrong at the drive thru.
    1
  1027. Mnuchin: "The economy is terrific! We have more people than ever before working multiple jobs that still don't pay the rent, and Employers are reaping the savings."
    1
  1028. Mmmm, yes...nothing like taking Mutually Assured Destruction advice from a guy who wanted to nuke a Hurricane.
    1
  1029. That Baze of Glory joke was so awful. Almost as awful as that time I stumbled across my mom's onlyfans. Not my proudest sub.
    1
  1030. At this point in the broadcast ^ I left this comment
    1
  1031.  @jody8466  By making cheap pop culture sexual innuendos?
    1
  1032. LLLLLllllllllleave Brittany Alone!
    1
  1033. Childhood me: Loved Hamill's Luke Skywalker, hated Joker Adult me: Doesn't care about Skywalker, loves Hamill's Joker
    1
  1034. A defeated POTUS does not have an option regarding the "Peaceful transfer of power". He has no option at all. He's just done. Expiration date reached. A defeated Trump who's term is up is no longer a president. At all. Doesn't matter what his opinion on the matter is. He's unemployed and without any authority whatsoever. If he's betting on Military support, well, he's out of luck, because HE'S NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT Claiming he can keep the office is not "contesting" anything, it's making war on the United States classifying him an enemy combatant in a coup.
    1
  1035. Soooo, the almost exact comment above is from your one of your alt accounts, eh "The Ann Coulter Show"?
    1
  1036. The Hipster's Marylin Monroe
    1
  1037.  @elainemccarty1195  Oh man, you sure woke me up. I've been such a sheeple. I respect you.
    1
  1038. I wouldn't bet on that. Armisen follows Tyler, it's probably a safe guess he recommended Tyler be booked for the show. From what I understand in the local chatter, Armisen was a regular tourist of the Portlandia bluegrass scene. It's been rolling here for several years because of outfits like Mississippi Studios, artists like Tyler and The Howlin' Brothers have serious cult followings in this hipster burg.
    1
  1039. It's not just dogs that resemble their owners. Brian actually looks like his schmaltz joke.
    1
  1040. Republicans say impeachment is people trying to overturn the 2016 election. That's because they're ignoring that's exactly what people voted for in the 2018 election. 2018 > 2016
    1
  1041. Seth. Bruh. It ain't anywhere in Rocky Horror's league. I would watch Rocky Horror before Battlefield Earth. And I would watch Battlefield Earth on a masochistic bender rather than The Room again only if Travolta himself held a gun to my head. Even MST3000 would have a tough time making light of The Room.
    1
  1042. But is it a disgrace?
    1
  1043.  @aliazad5410  So you like Gladiator movies, Timmy?
    1
  1044. Still has the better laugh meme than Tom Cruise
    1
  1045. Could being appointed to a position at the WH be considered a punishment for crimes? This administration suddenly starts to make more sense
    1
  1046. If Democracy was a stock on the NYSE, I woulda been shortselling it for the last 8 years
    1
  1047. Of course there are. Steelers, Green Bay, and Raiders fans can be found in bars everywhere. Except at home.
    1
  1048. Jackals thrive on negative attention. Hurt me, Correction Daddy.
    1
  1049. Thespian, Sarah. You became a Thespian. But you were close.
    1
  1050. If you thought the floodgates weren't open for his kind after Bush....this has destroyed the whole dam for the new American robber baron aristocracy to flood the whole joint.
    1
  1051. I like how Ohio has decided it's the new Texas.
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  1052. They just don't wanna blame themselves for voting in a fatass who said they shoulda been raking the forest floors. And maybe buffing and waxing them. He saw somebody buff a floor, once. He doesn't know how it works, but he never saw a buffed floor catch fire, so...ya know...science n stuff
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  1053. Roses are Red Violets are Blue I first read that as 'Seth & Lorde Do Gay Drinking' And so did you
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  1054. And yet Trump couldn't be more pleased to have a cop kick a handicapped black man out of congress Edit: yes, the Sgt At Arms is a badged LEO. Who hasn't bothered to do his job til now for some reason??
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  1055. He's an actor himself as well as being a NYC local-famous owner of a celebrity favorite (obviously) Italian restaurant Ballato's in Little Italy
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  1056. How did this not seque straight into Animal Flubs?
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  1057. The real texts would have read something like: 'We were so close. And we woulda gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those snoopin' kids.'
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  1058.  @sandytrunks  The one with the Klezmer theme music
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  1059.  @johnbrowne3950  Do you want a warm glass of milk and some feelings time, snowflake?
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