Comments by "Acid Joke" (@PWMoze) on "Andrew Lawrence" channel.

  1. Why oh why does the so called 'government' insist upon the wearing of face masks, when we all know; the only way to stay trully safe from COVID 19 is to enclose our heads in air-tight globes of glass, similar to goldfish bowls? Only that way will be able to safely cry, shout, spit and scream at all the twats without accidentally killing them!
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  2. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not realise the best way to supress inappropriate films is to ban them without even seeing them. Especially if they are made by flag waving 'woke' lefties like C Beebies!
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  3. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not insist upon British subjects sticking to clothes that express British culture? Stamp out these American style 'hoodies' and only wear pin-striped suits! Get rid of Yankie baseball caps and only wear bowler hats! Ban foreign produced trainers and only wear sensible brogues! Do away with strange hair styles and only allow Peak Blinder type short back n sides, even for the ladies! We should be proudly sporting doublet and hose, neck ruffs, Guy Fawkes' goaty beards, Churchillian homburg hats, Victorian mutton chops, Georgian Fop face paint, Nelson eye patches and King Artur style armour. That way we can all avoid accusations of cultural appropriation AND look really cool!
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  4. Why oh why does our so called 'government' not realise that modern, woke, anti racist police practises have gone too far? Surely we would be much better off if we were to return to good old fashioned policing? A clip round the ear from your friendly neighbourhood copper? A Bobby on the beat gently 'feeling your collar'? The sergent coming round your house to tell your Mum that you've been nicked again. The friendly banter as they give you a jokey nickname. The spirited kicking in the cell. The gently forced confession. The casual denial of legal counsel and enthusiastic lying in court. The whisper of corruption. The joyful use of the truncheon, the boot and the handcuffs. The casual racist slur and the concerted effort to get wrong uns off the street by fair means or foul,. We were all much happier when the Sweeney ruled the streets, despite their awful fashion sense and drunken bullying. Or back to the days of the Peelers. Or even the Bow Street runners? What was wrong with all that.
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  5. Why oh why does our so called 'government' insist upon this continual misunderstanding that universities and academics are here to further the knowledge of humanity by the scientific study and analysis of empirical data using logic and reason. That is a racist construct passed down by the misogenist, white patriarchy and a fascistic restraint upon the freedom to develop intersectional ideas. Other people's freedom of expression just interrupts the shouting that we need to do, when we are informing people that they should shut the fuck up because they are too privileged. That's what I tell my Mrs anyway.
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  6. Megan, the only princess who kissed a prince and turned him into a toad. I love being lectured about my social, environmemtal and moral choices by a pair of pampered millionaires. It reminds me to know my place, your majesty.
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  7. MM kissed a prince and transformed him into a toadie.
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  8. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not realise that by raising taxes to buy their way out of COVID they are simply delaying the inevitable? Surely it would be better if we just went straight to the bit where jobs and services have collapsed, the rule of law has failed, mobs of starving people fight over scarce resources, the rich withdraw behind gated communities and the poor have lower and lower standards of living, foreign invaders steal our natural resources and, with our sewage and refuse no longer being processed, we all die of a plague?
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  9. I tested a polythene bag on the Mrs, but it seemed to make her unhappy. She calmed down eventually.
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  10. Actually, I'm quite happy to wear a face mask, especially when I'm working. But then again, I am a bank robber, so it kind of goes with the territory!
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  11.  @gtr371  I had to report myself in the end, I was thinking such horrible things. Particularly, what I would do to a Tory rapist minister if I had one tied up in my sex dungeon. Kindly, Youtube told me I was actually quite normal and most people felt the same.
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  12. Blimey, Chris Evans has let himself go!
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  13. I'm so relieved, I thought it was 'The New Norman' and I was going to be forced to experience re-vamped Norman Wisdom routines. I'm glad its only a viral pandemic.
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  14. Why oh why does our so called 'government' not understand that Britain is too great. That is why ecomonic migrants are willing to risk our filthy, English Channel to live here. We have the best history, that is why we lead the world in flags, memorials and statues. Our NHS is the envy of the world, that's why you can always hear tourists saying how jealous they are of it. Why do people come over here to steal our jobs? Because we have the best jobs. We have nicer food. We have Coronation Street. Even our gays, like Alan Turing or Stephen Fry, are better than the foriegn ones. Americans like our politicians, like Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson and Michael Gove. Perhaps we should all concentrate on making Britain less great? Not Wales though, obviously, that's a horrible place.
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  15.  @jarofspanners3523  alright mate, don't get carried away. You are just proving my point.Britain is too great for its own good. Like a smug, high achieving head boy it needs bringing down a peg or two. High time the so called 'government' started making things more crappy like British Leyland did.
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  16.  @isabelclinton9229  i can't help but feel that you are missing the point. It is important that our so-called 'government' assuage our national guilt by making us look less great in the eyes of the jealous outside world. They could, for example promote Little Mix as our trade envoys .They could promote Ant and Dec as diplomats. They could encourage Alan Titchmarsh to run our agricultural policy. Wallace and Grommit could be in charge of industry and we could have Harry and Megan as the king and queen. Piers Morgan could be Prime Minister and Harry Redknapp could do our Brexit negotiations.
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  17. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not ENFORCE the singing of 'Land Of Hope and Glory' in schools, hospitals, town halls, universities, high streets and police stations. Force people to take pride in our national strengths: our respected position on the international stage, our history of military might and empire, our royal family, our class system, our brilliant economy and our cultural superiority to all the foreign countries (especially Scotland, Wales and Ireland)...Also it would remind people how pretty our flag is!
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  18. Why oh why does our so called 'government' not just get rid of the BBC and all it's rubbish 'woke' agenda. Let's just have more channels like ITV, with more 'Love Island', and Keith Lemon. Or Dave with lots of Jeremy Clarkson repeats. Or even Yesterday with their many WW2 Hitler programmes. Or we could have Ch5 concentrating on dole scroungers and debt collectors. Or Ch4 with endless 'Four in a bed' or 'Come dine with me'. More Challenge with their classic eighties' quiz shows or 'E' with plenty of make-over/fat shaming shows. Don't forget ID and Crime Investigation with all their lovely murder porn and serial killer shows. And the best thing of all, lots of adverts for fast food, sugary snacks, gambling web sites and cosmetics.
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  19. Especially if there were a load of Welsh people in attendence?
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  20.  @jarofspanners3523  I identify mostly as a bastard with an slight element of dotard. Sometimes I wear a leotard while bathing in custard.
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  21.  @jarofspanners3523  I got the Mrs to eat a winkle once. She didn't like it one bit.
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  22.  @jarofspanners3523  Bournemouth beach was so packed yesterday there was literally nowhere for economic migrants to come ashore. Plus there was enough crap on the beach to put off anyone!
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  23. Why oh why does our so-called 'government not understand that it is high time they got rid of the BBC with their lying 'woke' agenda. Antiques Roadshow never actually shows a road, Eamon Holmes never gets hit by a hammer in Homes under the hammer. There are no cheap fox hunting opportunities in Bargain hunt. Song of Praise have no song based compliments, Gardeners do not rule the world. Escape to the country has no prison breaks from city prisons. Do they think we are stupid? I'm not, I know better than to expect Question Time to deal with how arbitrary the concept of 'time' is, Countryfile never shows abrasive rural tools and why has The One Show not been shown only once?
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  24.  @jarofspanners3523  Bloody BBC and their waking up old ladies agenda!
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  25. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not realise that by cancelling Christmas they are playing into the hands of all the other religions that don't believe in Jesus. And don't mention the flipping atheists, they get Christmas presents even though they don't even believe in Jesus, or God, or the Holy Ghost!
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  26.  @jarofspanners3523  its a fair cop guvnor.
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  27. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not realise that they should be making the BBC sing more British songs. Make it compulsory? Start off with 'Ging Gang Gooley Gooley Wotcha', then 'Boom Banger Bang' . School kids should be taught the words to 'The Ying Tong Song'. Prisoners should be forced to sing 'Lilly the Pink'. Police should sing 'The laughing Policeman' when they arrest people. Teachers should sing 'Another Brick In the wall' and tv chat show hosts should all be forced to sing 'The Wanker Song' by Ivor Biggun.
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  28. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not understand that getting A levels and going to university is a waste of time? It simply gives you an air of intellectual superiority and the expectation that you deserve a good job, based on all the pointless studying you've done. Much better to educate these soft as shite, woke, snowflake millenials at the school of hard knocks. Much better preparation for a future of COVID restraints, no high street shops, zero hour contracts, no Eurocrat protected working conditions, overwhelmed NHS cutbacks, exploitative trade deals with the US, tax dodging multi nationals, technology undermining traditional occupations, no social mobility etc. What good is a university education in that cluster-fuk?
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  29.  @jarofspanners3523  We know, we don't like you either and we don't even know you.
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  30. Why oh why doesn't our so called 'government' understand that we, in the North West, are that hard, that COVID 19 deoesn't bloody frighten us. We would much rather have our civil fukkin liberties our kid: the freedom to go down the pub and shout at each other, the freedom to not wash our bloody hands and most of all, the freedom to wear no t shirt in the freezing rain. Its only soft Southern shites like Owen Jones who die of COVID...oh yeah and my Nan.
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  31. Why oh why does our so called 'government' not develop a policy that properly deals with the fact that an ageing population represents an increasingly serious drain on the public purse. Oh...they just did.
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  32.  @isabelclinton9229  Atheist don't believe in Santa either. Or elves. Or pixies, hobbits, goblins, trolls, unicorns or magic talking dragons. Madness!
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  33. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' fail to understand that pubs represent an important venue for cultural education and reflection. Both adults and children should be allowed, or indeed encouraged, to gather in such places and have informed debate and exchange cultural values. At the top of their voices. Like we did during the war. I was brought up down the boozer and its done me no harm. After all COVID 19 is mostly found in hospitals and elderly care homes, not pubs. Cheers.
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  34. Why oh why does our so called 'government' fail to understand that the real threat to our security, freedoms and peace of mind is being trolled on social media platforms. It is much more dangerous than being a victim of a so-called 'real' crime, like GBH or burglary, because it hurts our feelings and offends our sensibilities. If fact being mugged or robbed is so unimportant in comparison, that the police, quite rightly, hardly investigate it any more. The sooner they concentrate solely on investigating cyber bullying the better. Then we can all feel safe in the warm glow of our pcs as we type out our bile, resentment, mysogyny and bitter reactionary views.
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  35.  @jarofspanners3523  Oh yes....Why oh why does our so called 'government' not recognise how potentially dangerous these trolleys are nowadays? Coming over here, taking over our shopping centre parking spaces, lounging around in our canals, encouraging juevenile delinquency and veering off to the bloody left (bloody Trotsky again!) Something should be done.
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  36.  @Kalus_Saxon  You two should get together and decide upon what right wing reactionary fantasy you both agree upon. Is the government operating like the Gestapo or like the KGB? Are we being run by Trots or Fascists? Are we being attacked in our beds by Africans or Paeodophiles? Is the sky falling on our heads or are we falling on our arses?
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  37. Brilliant, wish I'd thought of that!
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  38. The first English slaves were Cornish smugglers exported to the West Indies as bonded servitude. They were the ones who eventually taught the Africans English, hemce the Jamaican accent; claart for cloth etc.
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  39. Why oh why do members of our so called 'government' insist upon the pretence that they are our moral guardians? Everyone knows they are all rapacious, predatorial, deviants. That is precisely why they are attracted to political life. Conservative ministers are encouraged to think of the country as a defenceless, vunerable, supplicant whom they must disgustingly violate, while shouting 'tally ho!' in an annoyingly posh voice. The Lib Dems are worse, they are encouraged to indulge in violent pegging at the hands of Nanny. Yer Labour Party are all into S and M bondage and the Ulster Unionists specialize in sniffing little girls' bicycle saddles. Scottish Nationalist are all obsessed with water sports and the Greens are into scatology. If you think that's bad just imagine what Sinn Fein must be into, they are not even allowed to attend the parties!
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  40.  @jarofspanners3523  people who love their country are not necessarily xenophobic. Its just a coincidence. However, if it was Germans, French, Chinese, Russians, North Koreans or Americans madly waving their flags around and drunkenly singing nationalistic anthems I would, of course, be very wary and probably start building a bunker! Especially if they were all doing it at once or together! When the Scots do it however, it just sweet, bless 'em.
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  41.  @jarofspanners3523  I did consider it for a while, but decided I would be happier writing sarcastic comments on Andrew Lawrence's Youtube account.
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  42.  @jarofspanners3523  Are you calling me a TWAT.?
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  43. Make sure you allow for Santa visiting.
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  44. I asked my travel agent if he could arrange for me to go somewhere free of COVID 19. He suggested I wait until Richard Branson was operating trips to Mars. I asked if there was anywhere a little closer. He sold me a two week, all inclusive, package holiday in the shed at the end of my back garden. The Mrs didn't seem to enjoy it at all. Finally got the my lawn mower sorted out though...
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  45. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not realise that, as long as they are making sure that the UK has a strong economy, generous social welfare, a just judicial system, good educational opportunities, an efficient NHS, tolerant societal values and fair and impartial policing: foriegn economic migrants will always be tempted to risk their lives by making reckless and dangerous attempts to cross our borders, irrespective of the risks to their health. It would be much better if the government was to simply: mismanage the ecomony, under-fund the welfare state, cut back on education, overload the courts, mismange the NHS, increase social division and intollerance in our communities, under-staff the police, encourage zero hour contracts and an unskilled work force, remove legislation that protects our health and work places, fail to provide affordable housing, allow unaccountable multi national corporations to exploit our system, discourage social mobility and generally make the UK a nastier place to live...oh look! That's what they're doing. Clever government! The migrants will soon lose interest now!
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  46.  @jarofspanners3523  The atheists don't even believe in Father Christmas. Or his magic reindeer. They don't think much of the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy or the sock drawer masked avenger!
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  47.  @jarofspanners3523  I was once run over by a troll in Sainsburys car park. It was very painful. I asked a policeman to investigate but he just laughed at me. Twat,
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  48.  @isabelclinton9229  I could lower it further than that. If I wanted to, I just don't feel like it.
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  49. Why oh why does our so-called 'government' not accept that, as the most glaring examples of people benefitting from 'white privilege' they should sack themselves, give their wealth to the disadvantaged, live in run down sink estates, struggle to find meaningful employment, have no right to speak their opinions, be unrepresented in the media, be failed by the political elites, have their children fail at school, be ashamed of their history and culture and most importantly; piss on the statues of rich old white men from the past. That way they would enjoy the same white privilege as everybody else.
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  50. @Way of the Warrior cause we all trust the Germans don't we? Try talking to a nurse or a doctor from your local hospital or a care worker from a care home. See what they say.
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