Comments by "whynottalklikeapirat" (@whynottalklikeapirat) on "SPDA"
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What she doesn’t get is that it’s not the fact that you may be in the 99th percentile that is the real issue, it’s that you felt compelled to create an interaction where you establish yourself as something the person you are with is then less than on certain scores.
When you read a book you can’t really do much about it, but if you were in the room with her you’d have to either accept that as a socially, and personally acceptable action or confront why raising it in the given context would be necessary or relevant. In the case of no response, she’d have successfully pushed a boundary at the cost of your space: It is now acceptable to perform this type of action, and it might be acceptable for her to refer to that in future scenarios i.e. “My opinion is more important because I am smarter than you and you know and accept that” and next “you are less important as a person than I because I am better than you” and maybe next - call it long term effects on a partner - “Your opinion doesn’t count, how you feel is unimportant and irrational, you really are nothing without me”.
It is about apparently discreet avenues of social dominance, not about describing formal cognitive properties. And people SHOULD be taken aback by that, because something is not right.
The fact that most people also can’t tolerate the idea of being less smart than someone else, even when it is clearly the case, is a different issue. But it goes to show that self worth and personal and social status are at stake. There are real life consequences to being less intelligent. People can fool you more easily. Maybe get one over on you. You’ll have trouble where others don’t. General intelligence is not a neutral property in social life.
She may not understand that - but she understands dominance, and she understands social games and hierarchies and power. She understands getting one over. She understand she feels entitled to more than you, and feels it’s justified. She understands that when it comes to her needs and preferences, everybody else should just pipe down. And frankly she probably feels she is entitled to the adoration of others for being such a stable genius. Why hide your candle, when you’re certainly not ashamed of it yourself. Whe be dragged down or held back by dullards?
So either way it’s a problem. Deliberate or not, pointing it out is most likely to be a mode of bullying and self promotion. Her minimising the social and transactional significance of saying it in conversation, is part of minimising the importance of how other people might feel or react to her actions - hey it’s just a formal truth here, why can’t you deal with it?
But it’s not that simple. She is just pushing it that way because its her nature as well as probably - her angle.
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