Comments by "T-Shades" (@t-shades7148) on "Psychology with Dr. Ana" channel.

  1. Dear Ana, I greatly enjoyed this webcast, for the following reasons: Engaging – The content kept me interested. Savage – The bold, unapologetic tone made it feel raw and exciting. Intelligent – The webcast offered insightful commentary and well-thought-out discussions that sparked deeper thought. Keep producing amazing work!
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  2. This has given me a lot to think about. I've dated someone who was completely dependent on me for everything. Didn’t have any other support system. It was super draining and i found myself wishing they had a life outside of me. At the same time they never wanted to participate in activities with my friends. I found myself craving that time away from them. So i agree that depending on other people now and then is inevitable and desirable, but i think it's also important to be a whole person, not to expect someone else to "complete" you. Support each other but also be able to support yourself when need be.
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  3. There was one incident that flipped a switch in me from distressed to completely numb. It didn't take long after that to break up. The hardest thing was figuring out the living situation
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  4. "There is liberty in loss" What a great quote! Puts a different spin on "Take the L"
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  5. "Would you rather be right or be happy?" I think you've just hit upon my greatest weakness! 😅
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  6. I especially appreciate your insights on communism! I am so frustrated by people who self-identify as communists just because they hate capitalism, but yet have no idea what a communist society would actually look or be like. You can criticize capitalism without fully endorsing communism!
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  7. My first instinct is that it's not necessarily a bad thing; people learn that they need something different from a relationship and build up the courage to look for that. Maybe they stayed for so long because of codependency, or because society tells us marriage should last forever. Maybe they just needed time to figure themselves out, or the two people are simply different people after all that time
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  8. I feel this because while I understand that leaning into triggers can help overcome them, it is up to me to decide when and how and at what pace to do so.
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  9. Marriage - the ultimate situationship! 😂
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  10. ​ @netcoded  I don't think anyone is saying that voluntary discomfort alone will solve everything. I thought it was implied that you also need to practice healthy coping strategies
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  11.  @AnaPsychology  Well like you said it may not be the creator's choice to add a trigger warning; it may have been at the behest of others who said "Okay you don't have to change your content but we are going to give people a heads up about it"
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  12. They have been helpful to me as well
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  13. I struggle with this because for me personally adopting a realistic mindset has been best for my mental health, as opposed to an optimistic or pessimistic view. Rationality e.g. seeing the world as accurately as possible is one if my strongest values, so it doesn't feel right to tell myself something that i don't know to be real, even if it might help. There's always a skeptical part of my brain saying "Yeah...i dunno about that..."
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  14. It truly frustrates me when I ask people where they got a certain piece of information from and they tell me to "just Google it." Like, no, you made a claim, you do the work of backing it up. I would understand if they said "I don't remember, I think I read it in an article." But instead they try to get me to do the hard work of "researching" something that, in all honestly, will probably just be a wild goose chase.
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  15. Good point
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  16. I'm an avoider aspiring to be a validator. If someone gets volatile with me its very hard for me to accept affection from them after that. It feels disingenuous and, like you say, unsafe. At the same time i don't do great with other avoiders either because i want things resolved and my feelings validated. Im not always great at validating in return though 😅
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  17. I much prefer your take on this than Dr. Ramani's. You're very well-balanced and respectful toward different sides of the argument. I love that her videos helped introduce me to the topic of narcissism, but I'm finding myself put off by her attitude e.g. disagreeing with laypeople throwing around the label narcissist amounts to "silencing victims" and "enabling abusers" which feels quite emotionally manipulative. I've dealt with narcissists in the past, and it's very tempting to label anyone I have issues with personality-wise "narcissistic". I don't find that helpful because it doesn't allow space to actually work through personality conflicts. Seeing others as flawed but ultimately reasonable has been much more helpful to me.
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  18. 13:13 The irony of being persuaded by low quality evidence and manipulated by malevolent forces is something I've noticed for a while but have had such a hard time putting into words!
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  19. This was a great video! I learned a lot that I didnt know. Another term I've noticed EVERYWHERE recently is "narcissist".
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  20. 13:33 Thank you so much for saying this! I am the same way: I prefer to avoid confrontation and drama. I don't like the feeling of being angry and/or aggressive. I often feel insecure about that because others find it "dishonest" or say things like "You're a lot nicer than I would have been!" For me it's not about being "nice" to the other person, it's about responding in a way I can feel okay with. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more direct or confrontational, so it's good to have some reassurance that this approach is valid!
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  21. This was surprising to me! I still feel anecdotally like pretty privilege exists for women in some ways, but I am glad to have a more nuanced view. I do find it funny when people argue pretty privilege exists because you get more views on TikTok or YouTube, as if success on a visual medium can represent the entire human population. I think people conflate "attractive people" with "entertainers". Sure being pretty might help if you want a job in the entertainment field, but even then you need more than that to be successful. Plus, you can make anyone look pretty with the right lighting.
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  22. I feel like I've dealt with this type of person and I've BEEN this type of person when I was going through a really tough time in a toxic workplace. There really wasn't much I could do to change my circumstances, and I couldn't afford real counseling, so instead I just complained constantly to anyone who would listen. I knew it wasn't healthy but I really craved that validation and empathy because I could never get it at my job. It took a lot of work but I'm in a much better place now.
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  23. Photosensitivity is different imo since you can't "heal" from that the same way you can heal from trauma. Edit: But I agree it depends
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  24. I'm addicted to cat cuddles. Is that a healthy habit?
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  25. ​​ @AwakenZen Pessimistic = you expect things to generally turn out badly. Realistic (in my opinion) = you withhold judgement about how things will turn out because you cannot predict the future. It could turn out any number of ways
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  26. 5:54 Not a live Zoom recording! Music to my ears!
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  27. Something that really bothered me about a lot of the analyses I saw of the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial was that Amber's behavior would be put under a microscope whereas Depp's was not scrutinized to nearly the same extent. For example, the person analyzing the trial would say "Victims are usually scared of their abusers, but she's not acting scared of him." Thus, implying Heard was actually the abuser not the victim. Then I thought "Okay...but is HE acting scared of HER?" If your argument is that she was actually the abusive one, and victims always act scared of their abusers, shouldn't he be acting the way you expect victims to act? Why aren't you criticizing his behavior the same way?
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  28. Tbh I think it's more effective to focus on one label at a time, or maybe a small group, since each label has different criteria and different reasons why people throw them around. Don't see why she needs to take this one down when she worked hard on it.
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  29. Damn I gotta say I am humbled. I have been a proponent of trigger warnings because I gave them the benefit of the doubt they did more good than harm. But thanks for this summary; I have changed my opinion a little bit
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  30. Sometimes I think people just read the headline and not even the content.
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  31. I'm also trans and curious about this.
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  32. So hopefully now you've learned to examine your biases before making assumptions
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  33. I strongly dislike astrology when people actually take it seriously. I would never be rude to someone about it, but will judge them inside my head. It is a pseudoscience and I think it's wrong to pretend like it has any bearing on one's life. That said, It can be a fun way to break the ice with new people. I don't think belief in astrology makes someone dumb, either. I know some really smart people who are also super into it.
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  34. I'm usually pretty good at accepting the things I can't control, but then I have trouble setting boundaries with the things I can technically control. For example, I know I can't MAKE someone change their mind on a topic, BUT (I think to myself) I CAN talk to them. Then it becomes an endless cycle of "Well, I haven't tried giving them THAT data," and "That argument didn't work, maybe THIS one will!" If I think of something else to try I feel like I HAVE to do it or else I haven't ACTUALLY tried everything. In the end I usually just end up wasting my own time and, as you say, miserable.
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  35. I think people have an essentialist view of themselves and others. They think "Well that person is just naturally that way, and im not so i can't do that." At work I'm known for being meticulously organized, and people have told me they just can't do that, they're not the organized type, etc.. They might be surprised to see how messy my apartment is. I've never been a naturally organized person, but I found ways to do it so I can be more effective at work. I started making my bed a few years ago after a lifetime of not doing it and not getting the appeal. Now I've realized it takes 2 seconds, my cats will hang out on the bed more, it gives me a nice flat surface to fold clothes or whatever, and I can display blankets and pillows that bring me joy.
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  36. I already achieved one goal by planning out my budget for the year. Now I need to plan my calendar. I attend a lot of conventions for which I make cosplays so the calendar will help me plan those project timelines! I'm working on a competition piece that I'm really excited about.
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  37. Making lists on my days off is super satisfying! When I'm working I often think about things I could be doing if I want working, but then I get to the weekend and I still dont do those things. Having a list helps me remember what I was so excited to do earlier. Taking my leisure time seriously is something I struggle with. That and working out. 😅
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  38.  @sleepinthemorningcalm  Hey Sleep, big fan!
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  39. Hey Ana I've been watching your videos for a few years now and they've helped me out so much. You explain things so well and challenge me to think differently. I was wondering if there's anything from a previous video you've updated your opinion about or even found out you were wrong about? Maybe a topic for a future video? I find it's great to update our beliefs with new information and even someone who is well researched can make a mistake or change their mind. I think it would be great to see from your perspective!
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  40. So it SOUNDS like you're saying that-
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  41. 12:18 I don't appreciate the call out 😅😅😅
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  42. Calling your grandpa Bubu is the cutest thing I've ever heard! 🥺
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  43. I feel that ☹☹
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  44. I'm glad I saw your video on the Blake Lively cancelment before I knew anything else about it.
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  45. 4:15 I paused the video to write out what I would do in my last month/week and I had a similar revelation. I wouldn't want to rush to complete a project or anything (unless I were actively in the middle of something). Instead I focused on trying to document everything I had made over the years and leave behind some sort of legacy.
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  46.  @lucasjsnyder  Channel growth and happiness are completely different things
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  47. Huh I guess I do use the terms "fight" and "argument" interchangeably. If voices are raised or emotions run high, I consider it a "fight", even if there is no name calling, violence, etc.
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  48. Thanks for sharing. I used to have an unhealthy relationship with food and I feel like changing my thinking around it helped me a lot too. When it comes to body neutrality and views on diet culture, I am reminded of a holiday party where some of my friends were joking about cookie butter and how we're just "not going to think about how much sugar is in it lol." Another friend chimed in to say "Yeah because diet culture is toxic and you shouldn't be looking at nutrition labels unless you have an allergy or something". It rubbed me the wrong way because caring about your nutrition is not the same thing as "diet culture." Wanting to lose weight is also not inherently toxic but some people treat it that way.
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