Comments by "B. Xoit" (@b43xoit) on "Psychology with Dr. Ana" channel.

  1. Yes, most especially that respect part. If they treat their own family badly, turn and run.
    18
  2. Hyphenate: Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    16
  3.  @armyparrot9353  Yeah, if someone doesn't answer questions, and doesn't explain why not, that's a red flag.
    5
  4. People who find a match are so lucky.
    4
  5. I used to put a value like that near the top, but looking back, I judge that I should have understood the signs that the other person didn't necessarily want our relationship to continue (at least, not a basis of near-equality in dignity), and I should have dropped the determination to work at it many years sooner than I did.
    3
  6. Stick to your values.
    2
  7. Intimate-partner violence.
    2
  8. Your feelings are influenced by your thoughts and you have partial control.
    2
  9. "Daddy issues"? What is an example of one of those? How many can one have?
    2
  10. Join interest groups or classes or hikes or biking or something people do where they share a common interest and the sexes mix.
    2
  11. It depends on the personalities and needs of the two people involved. Discuss it with each other.
    2
  12. Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    2
  13. US officialdom sends resources in support of torture.
    1
  14. I don't know; if someone shows that they fancy me, that's a big attraction for me.
    1
  15. If I'm in a relationship with someone who doesn't accord me appx. equality in dignity, that relationship is history.
    1
  16. Intimate-partner violence, meaning violence between people who are intimate partners of each other.
    1
  17. No. If you go to a relationship to get your needs satisfied, you are failing to take care of yourself properly and understand yourself properly. Each partner in a healthy relationship should have the potential for emotional self sufficiency, but what they should be offering and receiving in the relationship is one or more extra bonuses that make their lives better, including the joy of appreciating the other person and so on.
    1
  18.  @WeebRemover4500  I think there are different kinds of needs. Each of us has needs of a relationship, like basic respect for example. If the other person can't provide those, it's not a match and should break up. But when a person feels broken and expects someone else to solve that for them, that's a problem and that person should work on himself or herself.
    1
  19. So you are in favor of cutting up healthy children for a belief system?
    1
  20. Hyphenated: Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    1
  21. I'm too lazy to go read the study, but I'm thinking that if it publishes the data, one could repeat the statistical analysis or do ones own and get a clear interpretation that way.
    1
  22. Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    1
  23. Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    1
  24. Study the issue as much as you can and try to understand what caused you to resort to abuse. Maybe you learned that from one of your parents, for example; I don't know your case (and I am not an expert, just a random person sharing ideas). Maybe tell your partner that you want to refine your pattern toward him, that you are working on it. Seek individual counseling. If your partner thinks couple counseling would work better, consider it, but maybe the best thing is for you to spend some time with individual counseling, if you can afford it, to explore the causes of the difference between what you actually do and say and what you think would be wiser or more in line with your true values. Once you have a handle on it for yourself, and why your judgement has changed, and what change you want to make in your pattern of behavior, maybe invite the partner to join with you and the shrink to talk about what all this means to him and whether there's an opportunity for both of you to make your relationship work better (according to the values of each of you) as a result of what you have learned or thought about.
    1
  25. In regard to "jealous", I wonder whether you are reacting reasonably to something unreasonable (untrue to your relationship) your partner is doing? Or do you think it's a feeling you get just because of normal friendships (not romantic) that he participates in? I'm saying there's a range here, and depending on the circumstances and behaviors and expectations, sometimes it makes sense to stand up for your rights. Does he do the things with you that he promises you he'll do? Does he spend the time with you that he promises? Is it enough time for what you need from a respectful and loving relationship? There's bad "jealous" and good "jealous", depending.
    1
  26. Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    1
  27. Are there such things as daddy issues, or is it just a buzzword made up to confuse listeners?
    1
  28. Srsly.
    1
  29. For what it may be worth, I think that if any two people find each other interesting to talk with and have time, it's great if they do so. If you think things may be going toward intimacy or commitment, you just have to be open-eyed. If you are expecting the other person to change, and if everything hangs on that, you should probably discuss it with them, or say you can have fun with each other by agreement but it may or may not lead to commitment. The usual thing you hear from people who sound wise is that people don't change and can't be changed. If your happiness or sense of balance depends on another person changing, that's probably a mistake and you should evaluate the plan with a lot of skeptical thinking. I don't claim to be an expert -- just sharing thoughts.
    1
  30. Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    1
  31. What does that mean to you? If someone says he loves you and you decide he lied about that, it's for lack of what? Could you tolerate a mutual loving relationship with mutual respect and approximate equality in dignity (neither partner puts the other down or gaslights, etc.)? Or you looking for something unequal?
    1
  32. Intimate-partner violence. There's a quick caption for it near the beginning.
    1
  33. Intimate-partner violence.
    1
  34. If someone shows anger out of proportion to the situation, they're a manipulator.
    1
  35. For example?
    1
  36. Intimate-partner violence. There's a quick caption for it near the beginning.
    1
  37. Sex differences, not gender differences. If you think people have gender, this leads to cutting up healthy children for a belief system.
    1
  38. When you use T as though it were a thing, does that mean you think children in good physical health should be given surgery for a belief system?
    1
  39. One difference is what are the consequences if the other person does not comply. If you are using various forms of punishment and torture and blackmail etc., and maybe tantrums, that's control, but if you are asking for mutual respect and approximate equality in dignity and saying there are things the other person should not do to you and if they do it too many times, you are going to judge that you are in the wrong relationship, those are boundaries. Personal opinion only here; I am not a headshrinker. But I am old, and have been hurt.
    1
  40. Intimate-partner violence.
    1
  41. Intimate-partner violence. I don't know why she uses the acronym instead of merely saying "violence", given that we are talking about marriage anyway and intimacy is to be expected and so should not have to be mentioned again.
    1