Comments by "calledtoanswer" (@calledtoanswer) on "DEALING WITH JEALOUSY: The 2 Questions to Ask" video.

  1. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ "The point of emotional regulation is not to win every single time... It's to have mastery over your emotional reactions and be WELL" ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I can't get over how powerful these words are! Anyone dealing with jealousy should meditate and examine these words carefully. Put these words on your refrigerator or mirror. I dealt with a lot of regret from past relationships because of my jealousy. I constantly self-sabotaged relationships. I have never been violent or abusive with words, but i would let my anxiety ruin happy moments. I remember walking around Charleston, SC with my girlfriend on Valentine's weekend. We had been having a blast. A lot of great food and laughing a lot. Just enjoying the town and being around each other. She had taken some pictures of a lot of little things as we wondered around (Charleston is a beautiful city if you haven't been). At some point, i said "why haven't you wanted to stop and take a picture of us?". I could have just asked to take a picture. It would have been a simple suggestion and she GLADLY would have done it, but in my awkward jealousy and anxiety, i blurted out something silly at an otherwise delightful and innocent moment. I was literally being jealous of old buildings. And we were having so much fun. I constantly let myself ruin happy moments with little things like that. Things that i would instantly regret. Things that were rarely even a "threat to our relationship". I just loved her and i was so worried about losing her (to no one in particular, just to my own insecurities and fears of abandonment). I wish i had your videos back then. These are powerful and simple tips that you share. I hope others listen before they destroy something they love little by little. Jealousy isn't always about "big fights". Sometimes it can just be little comments that rob the joy from situations before they happen. Later that night, we had a fancy dinner planned (literally weeks in advance) at this amazing spot. As we were waiting for our reservation outside of the restaurant she said, "we should take a picture". I still look back at that picture sometimes and i can see it in her eyes. She looks amazing. She always had the most beautiful smile and it was a genuinely happy smile, but you could see my words of jealousy in her eyes. I could see her thinking, "this was the place i was hoping to take a picture together all day long, but now it doesn't feel as special". Treasure the people you care about. Do everything it takes to maintain peace. Think the best about someone you love. The thing you do to keep from losing someone is often the thing that will lead to you losing them. Thanks again Ana! I wasn't able to hear these words when i needed them, but i do draw some comfort knowing that they will help others ❤
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  2.  @nicolasklausen8010  i think you are misinterpreting the sentiment behind my words. The guy feels inadequate in comparison to a past fling. I think it is noteworthy that they are married and she didn't marry this "stripper". I am simply saying marriage has value. Making that commitment to each other is special. Deciding to marry each other carries a heck of a lot more weight than some one time thing. I am not quite sure why you object so harshly to the sentiment. Please feel free to elaborate. Maybe i could change my phrasing if you help clue me in on why it is bad? My only goal was to encourage.
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  3.  @nicolasklausen8010  so you just despise the institution of marriage and me placing value on marriage is what you take exception with? Makes sense now.
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  4.  @naz3809  Sorry to hear you've experienced similar circumstances. Do you think your jealousy is mostly internal or based on external circumstances?
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  5.  @AnaPsychology  i appreciate you sharing your gift at dissecting human emotions and conditions in a sensible, therapeutic, and compassionate way. You have a knack for communicating complex and nuanced concepts in relatable and practical terms.
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  6. Do you believe she loves you? Do you have trouble believing you are worthy of love? Did she cheat on you or was this before you were together? I ask all of that because if you do believe she loves you and have a healthy relationship (other than the way this one story makes you feel), the way you feel likely has very little to do with her actions and has more to do with something like abandonment issues or a fear of rejection rooted in childhood experiences. If it isn't about her treating you poorly in other ways, i really encourage you to CHOOSE to let it go. Remind yourself of her good qualities when you start reflecting on the incident. Not to be graphic, but if you are genuinely distraught over the size comparison, focus on pleasing her through foreplay. Going down on her will go a long way in satisfying her. Give massages. In general, find ways to build intimacy in other ways. Intimacy and love are much more than body type or penis size. Talk more, listen more, cuddle more! There are so many ways to display affection. The important thing is to not withdraw your love or affection in some attempt to "protest this past act". Some other things you can do, find ways to build your own self-esteem. Work out FOR YOU. When you feel better about yourself, you are able to care for others better. Maybe get a new haircut. Buy some new clothes. Do some things to feel you are the BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. Any time i have felt jealousy, it usually had more to do with my abandonment issues with my parents or my own depression and maybe not feeling that i am living up to my full potential. Are you happy in your job? Do you have some hobbies that bring you enjoyment? Are you reading books and improving your state of mind through learning? Keep growing! Keep improving! Not to keep someone around, but to feel better about yourself! The more you do to improve your personal opinion of yourself, the less room you will have in your mind for some random dude to take up space. Good luck! Hope you can let it go. It isn't worth holding onto something you have zero control over. She married you! That is special! Learn to appreciate that! And do everything you can to foster healthy growth!
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  7.  @nicolasklausen8010  i just think you missed the spirit of my overall comment. If they are married and assuming she did not cheat on him with that guy (it was a past relationship prior to his relationship) then he should focus on fostering a healthy marriage (the thing he has) instead of focusing on her past sexual encounters (things from the past that have no real reason to be infringing on his current marriage assuming his wife does not still interact with the other guy). I am using the word "marriage" as an arbitrary term. The term doesn't matter. It is the commitment the term represents. It is the fact that the only persons in that marriage are he and his wife. They are in it. They are experiencing life together on a daily basis. So how are they going to get through this life together in the best manner possible. That was my reason for commenting. To offer advice to enhance what already is.
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  8.  @nicolasklausen8010  that's why i asked whether she cheated on him, whether he thinks she loves him, or whether the relationship is healthy. If all of those answers are positive: didn't cheat, does love him, and the relationship is healthy... then he knows there is not a real problem and they ARE in a committed relationship. I get that plenty of marriages end negatively. My dad cheated and my parents divorced. The whole time they argued. The only commitment was the commitment to dysfunction. So if this guy has "the good side" of what marriage can be and the only negative is the way this one piece of information effects him, then he needs to refocus himself from this negative information to the positives of his marriage or that negative aspect will fester and grow and destroy something good. With all of this dialogue, do you still view my initial statement as pathetic? I hope not.
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