Comments by "Ash Roskell" (@ashroskell) on "Rogue Elements - TV Series Proof Of Concept" video.

  1. The script is bad. Heard every line before in something else. Especially in those crucial opening moments. “What about my family?” “That was not our deal!” Really? Show don’t tell. Too much exposition too. A little more imagination applied to how those opening scenes could have been presented differently would have really helped. Watch Breaking Bad for inspiration: How to tell a familiar story in a new way, without spending extra budget. If you want constructive criticism I will share my thoughts on how you could have done the opening better, hooked your audience, through visual storytelling and gotten the same plot points covered. But, “If these assholes don’t kill you, I will,” and, “The only people dying today is those fuckers,” are so old and overused, it’s actually off putting. Clever, witty dialogue is crucial in a scene like that and would have suited these characters better, showing they are as smart as they are tough. Read some Raymond Chandler and look specifically at interrogation scenes, or scenes when Philip Marlowe is cornered by the villains. The dialogue is exquisite. “Talk is cheap . . . My patience is wearing thin,” etc, is putting the viewer to sleep. I do wish you success and I would help you for free. But I doubt you’ll even read this one in a couple of thousand comments.
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