Comments by "JLH" (@Kyarrix) on "Here's Why Trauma Is So Common (A Deep Dive Into Understanding Trauma)" video.

  1. When you feel a negative emotion, let yourself feel it. Tell yourself that it will pass, take a step away and look at it: "This is something I know, it's not going to hurt me, I can feel this and I will be okay." Let yourself ride it out. That doesn't mean remaining steeped in it but it also doesn't mean pushing it away and distracting yourself or using a substance to feel better. In the moment when you are feeling it it can be scary. We have patterns, responses that we are used to. Remind yourself that it's okay. Let yourself feel it, look at it, understand it and then you'll be able to let it go. Maybe not the first time but you will. If you can't do this the first time, be kind to yourself. It is difficult. But with more understanding and patience, you will be able to feel the emotions, ride them out, understand where they came from and then you'll my able to let them go. There is something I've learned. Some of the responses I have to things that no longer serve me, it's important to recognize that they did. In the past, those ways of behaving saved my life or let me get through difficult situations. My Alexander technique teacher, when I said that I want to get rid of those ways of responding, said this: "Treat yourself with kindness. You can look at those ways of responding and reacting and recognize that they helped you. Then you can turn to them in yourself and say the equivalent of "Thank you. You saved me and helped me. We got through it. I am a strong person. Now though, I'm in a different situation and we have to change how we respond to things." In other words treat yourself with kindness and respect, when we try to change patterns of behavior that developed out of necessity, we should treat those patterns with respect rather than just trying to throw them away. They exist for a reason, they are part of us. They might have saved us by getting us through difficult times. Now we can recognize that the situation is different and we want to change how we respond. Finding a good therapist to help might be useful but it is difficult to find good therapists.
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  2. You have the power to take that back. They might have destroyed a part of your life but you have the power now. Take that power and create a life that you will be happy in and feel proud of. You aren't dead inside as your YouTube name says. You have choices. This is coming from someone who was horrifically abused. Everyday I get up and I make the choice to do the best I can, to become the best version of myself that I can be. That means pain, it means crying at times, sometimes it means feeling very alone and not understood but I have remade myself. You can do this.
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  3. But now you know and you can change the things you've been doing if any of them would fit that description. Once we know, we can make changes. That's a gift. I'm glad you encountered this video, I'm glad I found it too, it helps explain a lot about a friend to me.
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