Comments by "Leo" (@Leoo117) on "PsycHacks"
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It's true that people are generally superficial. It's good to take care of ourselves, and the ones that do not only are more attractive, but it also speaks to a certain kind of discipline they have about them, which is NOT superficial.
It's ok to look at the outside superficial, but when a person completely gives into that and makes their decisions mostly based on superficial things, that is when they tend to have issues. That woman who rejected you due to you not having an apartment couldn't see your value, because she was so focused on a superficial aspect of you. You were a man in college actively pursuing his goals and her not having the discipline to look at other things besides the superficial caused her to miss something that wasn't superficial and was actually awesome. So she actually filtered herself out of your life, because you don't want someone that only knows superficiality anyway.
It's similar with a man focusing only on a woman's beauty, and completely missing all the red flags as a result, then complaining later when she treats him bad. So eating right and keeping oneself in shape is not insignificant or petty at all, because it says a lot about a person. It just isn't the only thing that matters, and focusing ONLY on the superficial things on the outside causes problems for us.
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Any woman that has a plan B belongs to the streets, man. That is an integrity issue. Women like that have never truly committed to the relationship in the first place. Also, it's extremely unhealthy for anyone to get into another relationship so quickly, so that particular woman that jumps from one to another is not ready for a healthy relationship. This is not all women, though. This goes for men as well. The solution is learning to properly vet your romantic interest.
Men always have options, they just don't know it, because they don't understand the power they hold.
Also, women are generally the ones being chosen and approached, so this makes it easy for them, whereas the men are doing the approaching. It takes more effort to do the initiating, and if they do nothing, nothing happens for them due to them being the leaders.
Also, women leave most of the time due to a loss of attraction for an extended period of time. The man gets complacent, stops being his masculine self that she fell in love with, and she loses attraction because of it. Most people don't understand that actual love and loyalty transcends romantic attraction for men and women. Love isn't just the feelings. It includes loyalty. Love is the actions that are taken, EVEN when the feelings are not there in the moment. This is not an excuse to be complacent and let ourselves go. It just means that actual love cuts through those imperfections that we all have. Most are not taught this, so they don't understand it, and they don't have an example of it. We are taught to follow our hearts in this world, and that isn't good advice. Our heart gets us into trouble, and often has us regretting our decisions. It's like being feral without any guidance. At the end of the day, we are only human. Even when we know better, making the right choices can be hard, but that is where we decide on how much integrity we have.
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I think you have a point, but it's not defined enough, and can be taken too many different ways. I think roles in romantic relationships are built in, and it's mostly natural to follow those roles.
I believe what you are referring to with not being ourselves is our imperfections and our tendency to want to slack, be lazy, or think of ourselves and not consider the other person. Sometimes, it's just pride that gets in the way or the fact that we feel uncomfortable with a certain vulnerability that we aren't used to showing. These toxic things can be natural for us and are part of who we are due to being imperfect and raised certain ways. The good news is that we can change these things within ourselves.
So overall, being our natural selves is a good thing, because we aren't exhausting ourselves by putting up a facade, BUT we have to take into consideration our imperfections.
For example, I've decided years ago to make an effort to practice being myself at ALL times, wherever I go and with whatever I do and around ALL people. Ever since I've began doing this, I've felt so much happier and more free and more energetic and more confident. It works wonders.
Now, I have to hold my tongue sometimes though, because perhaps a leader at work might be extremely inefficient and unwilling to listen, which angers me. Or maybe my natural inclination is to be lazy at work that day. Or perhaps I don't feel like spending time with my girlfriend, because I want too much alone time to focus on other things. To your point, THESE are imperfections that are natural for me that I have to be aware of and exercise self-control with in order to maintain my happiness and my relationships. So be ourselves, but be aware of and temper our imperfections. Not doing this and just following our hearts carelessly can lead to disaster. It really takes some humility.
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They don't normally don't know the answer to that question. What actually attracts them is simply masculinity. Masculinity means drive, purpose, mission, overcoming obstacles, succeeding, achieving goals, being decisive and being sure of yourself, and sure of who you are and boundaries. Basically, getting your stuff together. They have to NOTICE this on their own. This is generally what causes the initial attraction, and then they look for more things. You cannot be trying to flaunt it, because that would be unattractive, because thats feminine. So you literally just getting stuff done and enjoying yourself while you do it is what attracts them. They tend to put themselves in your orbit. It's like you are driving a fun bus and know exactly the direction you're headed, and they want to be part of it. So it really isn't based on looks as much for them.
They also like patient men, and men that go for what they want and are ok if they don't get it.
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@Lilith No, I'm saying that we men should definitely be with a woman that we truly care about and adore. The video says otherwise.
I'm saying that men often chase too hard too early when we really like a woman if we don't know any better. We can come off too strong and needy due to fear of losing that rare woman that is actually special to us, and acting out of fear is not love and causes that fear to come true.
We should never pretend we don't care and we should never hide our interest. That isn't love either. I'm basically saying that we need to be authentic, while not falling into a fearful mindset. There is no fear when talking to someone we aren't interested in, so by bringing that up, I'm basically saying to use that example as a way to remember how we treat someone when we aren't in a fearful state.
We make the things we focus on come true. So if we focus on our fears, which we unintentionally do sometimes, we can make that fear come true. So basically, we as men need to switch our focus off of the fear of things going wrong, and onto just making dates and hanging out and having fun like we would when there is no fear. And also to face our own fear of losing this special woman, so that we can actually be ok with her not being interested, so we can be our usual calm and authentic selves, and not come off too strong and needy and chase her away.
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"High hopes, and low expectations." Bad way to go. If you expect for things not to work out, your actions will align with this limiting belief, and you will inadvertently act in ways that make you less attractive. This belief enables low confidence. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy motivated by fear of rejection and pain.
You should go in expecting that things will work out, and be ok if it doesn't. THAT is the mindset that is the true confidence maker. This allows you to be ok with any outcome, but with a belief of confidence in yourself.
Also, being in the present moment is not about avoiding potential pain. That would actually discourage vulnerability, which allows no confidence. The present moment is about not being worried about potential pain by staying in the present moment when you are on a date, and not letting your mind wonder to the future about how your date might react to something you say, which would stop you from being yourself, which stops you from being confident.
This is the true wisdom doc. This way, its not a strategy, its literally just changing your mindset of who you are as a person to a mindset of a confident person. So you can just be your natural attractive self without being strategic.
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Awesome description of that scripture. Basically, return evil for evil to no one. I've put this into practice, and it works beautifully. If it continues, then I'll outwardly say that its not ok and I'd appreciate it if they treat me with the same respect that i treat them with. If it still continues, I just won't associate with them anymore, and let the reason be known.
I think people usually treat you in the way they've been treated, and expect the same reaction that they themselves would give. When they don't get that reaction, it really challenges their belief system, and I believe it actually gives them hope deep down that things can actually be peaceful, and that there is another way to deal with such an offense. Basically, you would be passing along the same hope that Jesus himself gave to us.
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I think this data only suggests that men usually finally grow up and get out of a scarcity mindset around 30, which makes them more attractive. Women have the "advantage" at a younger age, because most men haven't learned how to be in their natural masculinity yet, which makes them not attractive, and chasing constantly, keeping them in their feminine. Once the men grow up and finally start acting masculine, this is what makes them desirable, and why it seems like they have the "advantage" at a later age. At that point, its easier for a woman to fall into her feminine, and become the chaser, because the man is finally acting like a man.
So men that understand this in their early 20s or even their teens, will have a much easier time attracting women. In other words, he'll have that "advantage", which is really just him being masculine. Of course, understanding this must come with responsibility. Otherwise he'll just go around abusing his power and breaking people's hearts and playing with their feelings and causing trauma all in the name of "feeling good". Part of being a man is not going for women you don't have a true romantic interest in.
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The woman at the end rejected you simply because she lost attraction to you. She told you all those things in order to not hurt your feelings. Women usually are careful not to hurt your feelings, and that lady was definitely good at not hurting someone's feelings.
Also, she lost attraction to you, likely because you showed up in a way that caused her to lose attraction. I wasn't sure at first, but you saying you TEXTED for another date, instead of calling her completely solidified that guess for me. Next time, call. That way is perceived as more confident and therefore, more masculine. She ended up being the masculine one in that moment because she CALLED YOU after you texted. You left room for her to be the more masculine one in that interaction one by not just calling. That tells me you did other subtle things that made you come off unattractive. Anyway, that's why there is no competition for people that understand this stuff, and that's why I'm trying to tell you that superficial things like OUTSIDE success doesn't matter at all. Stop focusing on the outside superficial things. It's blocking you from noticing the truth. Stop thinking of people as a marketplace. This leads to superficial thinking. They are people. Not bought commodities.
Also, a scarcity mindset is just that, a MINDSET. You can have all the success in the world, and still cause self-fulfilling prophecies for yourself because of this mindset or fear. Adversely, you can have NO success, and still have an abundance mentality. It's about how you SHOW UP. NOT about what you HAVE. Your life does not result from what you have. Thats actually a bible quote, and I've found it to be as true as ever. There is nothing wrong with being happy with our success, but nothing genuine and meaningful results from only that. That woman rejecting you, even as successful as you are, is your personal proof of that.
Also, it's a good point that we should all strive to be kind and respectful when we reject someone.
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He doesn't fully understand attraction. He mentioned how a woman pretends to have a "headache", but never stated the reason why, which means he doesn't know.
You are no less valuable of a person at 40, and the man that truly likes you will notice you, because he will see you as different from other women. Initial superficial attraction is based on looks, but LIKING someone with romantic attraction is based on getting to know them, even for a man, whether they know it or not. This is not to say we shouldn't take care of our bodies, because we absolutely need to for ourselves. Its just that there is more to attraction than age and looks. Just like a woman can be attracted to a broke dude due to non-superficial reasons. Until he factually understands why this can happen, you cannot take his opinions as wisdom. He is too focused on superficiality. The truth would never be so superficial.
So take heart, because you are more free than you think. You are 40, not 90. Get yourself together, be your authentic self, seek truth, be humble, strive for healthy perspectives, and keep your chin up. Don't give up, even when you feel down. It's going to be ok.
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@Quincy Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This means that, where you cannot see her value, someone else absolutely will. Her age doesn't matter to someone that meets her and likes her. If your only focus for romance is on the superficial things and youth, you'll always go for the younger one and look past her, but not everyone has those same values. Those with different values will notice her.
I got nothing against looksmaxx. Sounds like an awesome way to live to me. I strive to do those things, and when I meet a woman that has the same mindset, it definitely intrigues me. It'll definitely help, and she'll likely attract someone with a similar lifestyle if she does that, but there is still more to a person than that, and a man that likes her will notice that. It's possible.
You say she can't have "the one", but that's really another way of saying that she must be with someone she has no romantic interest in. She'd be better off staying single if that's the case, because that defeats the whole purpose of a romantic relationship. It's also really messed up and basically an offense to the partner who is being settled for. It would be wrong. No one has to settle for what they don't want. That's a limiting belief. Although, she should never try to rush into anything, because that creates unnecessary problems.
You mention the word bargain as if she'll have to bargain for what she wants like she is a business trying to profit. This is the wrong way to look at things, because relationships are not transactions. The purpose of a relationship is to give FREELY, because you want to do that out of loving or caring for someone. This might sound like a fairy tale to you, but it's actually how healthy relationships work. There is no bargain or transactions involved in genuine relationships. Granted, it's hard to find genuine people who are not trying to "profit" in a sense, so I can see why you'd feel like it's a fairy tale, but genuine people are out there. If you look at relationships as if it's a bargain, you'll likely attract someone who views relationships in the same way, and while you may get your desired bargain, you'll miss out on a true connection that way.
A fairy tale would be something like the popular romantic movies of today, where the woman rejects the man, and he does something nice or brings her flowers, and suddenly she realizes she loves him. This doesn't happen in reality. Actually, that sounds like a transaction, too. THATS the true fairy tale, because life doesn't work that way. Movies and TV shows like that mislead us since childhood, and it teaches us things that don't work that we need to unlearn.
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You're only talking about a toxic woman with no standards, principles or self-respect. This type of person isn't actually loyal. They are guided ONLY by their heart, because they have no principles to adhere to, and they don't value loyalty. Men and women all over the world do this, and they usually end up miserable for it.
An oath and duty isn't limited to men. Anyone can make an oath. Holding to that oath is based on the person's loyalty. Loyalty has only one definition amongst everyone.
If you're in a marriage, and you are currently not feeling the same feelings as you were when you first started the marriage, a loyal person will still show love based on PRINCIPLE. Women are capable of this too. Granted, most people, including men, don't value loyalty at all, and they follow their heart or their feelings immediately and make rash decisions.
Also, a man or a woman not showing love to each other after marriage, but staying married is another form of disloyalty, because they are not honoring the promise that they made to love their spouse.
I understand your point about learning from one another, and men and women are indeed different, but loyalty means the same thing across the board. I think what you are talking about is the things that men and women have a harder and easier time with in general when it comes to being loyal. This doesn't change the definition for anybody though.
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You have a subconscious hang-up on women being the problem for everything, which causes inaccuracies and shortsightedness. Sure, there are many women out there that have no clue how to be a parent, but there are just as many men out there that have no clue also. Many times, the parents just abandon their kids to those who are even LESS capable. These are awful influences and clearly cause emotional trauma.
We also have tv shows, sitcoms and romantic stories centered around men being a goofy fool, or a stalker, and somehow still "winning" the woman over as they often call it with their scarcity mindsets. These shows and movies are written by people that don't understand attraction, and only write from their personal fantasies. They may be entertaining, but these are often awful influences on us all.
Not only that, but there are a shortage of decent men AND women with integrity. So this isn't an issue caused by women or mothers. This is an issue that is caused by an entire world that has no clue what they are doing, which causes all kinds of emotional trauma, which gets passed down to the next generation, because most people are not humble enough to self-reflect, identify, and root these bad habits out of themselves, and most are quick to BLAME others for their problems. If our issues are always someone else's fault, then to us, there is nothing to fix or change, and so the cycle continues with all of the broken teachings.
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She could be nervous and shy around you, and therefore scared to take a very real step like a date. She could be liking you, but just wanting to stay single at the moment for any reason. She could be testing to see if you lose your composure somehow, making her feel unsafe, which most guys do, which makes it a legitimate test.
There are tons of reasons man and its impossible to know. Whatever the reason, just keep your composure, be your usual cool self. Treat her the same as you always have when you see her. If you've already asked her out, she knows you like her. Nothing else matters. If she's interested, she'll bring it up, because a self-respecting man won't keep chasing or flirting after he has been rejected.
In other words, the reason doesn't matter. All that matters is that you went for who you wanted, and now you know the outcome, so you have no regrets.
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This is a limiting belief, man. Hypergamy is not how attraction works. Hypergamy is a lifestyle choice for toxic women. The world in general does not understand how attraction actually works, which is why they gravitate toward superficial explanations like this one.
Whether they know it or not, women are attracted to MASCULINITY. Masculinity is not defined by status or amounts of money. Those things are superficial. Masculinity is not superficial. You or I can attract just about any type of woman regardless of her "social status".
Masculinity is drive, purpose, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, overcoming obstacles, chasing goals, boundaries, being direct and decisive, taking the lead, and getting stuff done like taking care of himself and his household, and also having humility. These qualities will beat out money every time.
The reason why men aren't attracting women in those stats is because their parents don't know how to teach them. TV and movies teach men to be stalkers and act more feminine. Then you have videos like this that validate men in not self-reflecting and learning and continue to blame women for their problems. Not that I think you are doing this intentionally, because you seem like you're genuinely looking for answers, but there are tons of videos out there that blatantly tell men to blame women for everything. Its counterproductive and just as toxic as an actual hypergamous woman.
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We definitely can mess ourselves up when we focus on our fears. I think in that scenario though with the guy picking a fight, the self-sabotage was the fact that he started a fight, because, he could have gotten jail time and lost his job and went downhill due to that one decision to start a fight, or gotten serious injuries or possibly death. The guys holding him back was his safety net, because he didn't really want to fight deep down, but that part wasn't the sabotage.
Self-sabotage comes from our own fears, and we make the things we focus on comes true. So if we focus on our fear, we will make that fear come true.
The solution would be to actively change our focus to something else or something upbuilding for ourselves when we notice ourselves focusing on our fears. So if the guy starting the fight would have decided to stop focusing on how weak he feels, or how he doesn't care about anything, and changed his focus to how strong he is for making it to where he is, or how there are still things worth caring about including himself, he wouldn't have started that fight. In other words, he would be ok if he stopped focusing on his insecurities and started focusing on the truth.
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Your compromised position of cynicism is not the best you can do. Thats the story you tell yourself so that you don't have to do the work, self-examine, admit your faults and ultimately humble yourself. Any emotional pain you endure while doing so is very temporary, and therefore, an extremely low price to pay for being free of cynicism the rest of your life and being more open to the truth. You telling yourself that cynicism is the best you can do is what is actually NOT GROUNDED IN REALITY. You, in fact, are capable of more. And you are using your intelligence to convince yourself that you are not.
Your ultimate message here is to give up and stop looking for a solution. This, in itself, is cynical. Your teleprompter debacle, for example, just was not the solution. The only solution here to not having to look away from the camera is not more technology. The solution is just to memorize your point, and practice not accidentally repeating yourself. Its possible to develop yourself in that way.
Don't get me wrong though, I see your point of how looking down isn't even a problem in the first place, because such a problem doesn't actually affect the entire course of your life if not changed, BUT being generally cynical about something completely DOES effect the course of your life HEAVILY, and therefore can literally cost you true happiness and fulfillment in your own life if not addressed.
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@Mark Patterson Practicing being myself included saying what was on my mind out loud, instead of holding it in as only a thought. Making a joke that came to mind even though there is a chance no one would laugh or care, voicing my disagreements, no matter how unpopular my opinion might be, and not being afraid to smile and wave at people when I want to, or compliment a stranger or anybody really, or being honest about embarrassing things about myself, or say "no" to people when appropriate for myself, or tell someone that I do not appreciate something said about me, and not just laugh it off if I didn't feel good about it. Even something like doing random stretches and exercises when I wanted to around groups of people, even if they made fun of me for it. Also, not laughing at jokes I didn't like, such as jokes at someone else's expense or jokes that I felt were shallow and gross just to make the one making the joke feel more comfortable. Or just not changing my demeanor when speaking to someone with lots of power or a woman I felt was extremely beautiful, or a man that looks like an extremely rough gang banger. Treat everyone the same and keep the same boundaries with everyone.
I'm still working on this stuff to be honest, but I've gotten much better. The practice just consists of those little things that I think anyone can start practicing one at a time if they really wanted to, and if they were willing to honestly examine their own behavior.
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You do need your own things to do and some alone time, yeah. Although, you speak as if you aren't even truly interested in the woman you're with. You said to see her as little as possible? Then why be with her if you don't enjoy your time with her?
Also, its never been said you must spend all of your non-working hours together. Just learn how to have fun with your woman when you are together.
Also, you make excuses as to why you don't have to listen to her or try to understand her saying its impossible, but its literally not, because she is a human being just like you. Helping her feel heard and understood actually ignites her attraction toward you making her want sex more, yet you advocate against this. No wonder you feel you must try to convince a woman to have sex because you refuse to do the things that actually cause attraction.
Also, you're right that sex helps with the emotional aspects, BUT you focus on sex FIRST, instead of just having fun and getting to know her first WITHOUT sex. This doesn't work and that's why you come off as sex crazed, because you put sex first. Its the wrong order.
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That principle goes against healthy romantic relationships. A woman wants romantic love from her man, not just any kind of love that she can also get from her child. If you encourage her to accept any kind of love from her man like she does her child, she will lose romantic attraction to her man because she begins to see him as her child, and not her man.
If a woman tells you to please listen for a bit without offering solutions, that means she acknowledges you as her MAN and she is only trying to help YOU help her feel heard, understood, and safe like her man should help her feel. A good mother will NEVER ask this of her child, but instead, will actually help her child feel heard, understood, and safe, because the mother is the leader and protector of the child. You see how the design works? This is showing love.
So the original comment was right. The doc just doesn't understand women yet or how to properly show a woman love as the leader of the relationship.
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"What works to maintain won't work to attract." This statement of yours defies common sense. If you attract her from the beginning with who you are, you will UNNATTRACT her by not MAINTAINING who you are. So, in other words, if you stop maintaining the person you are from the beginning in which she had attraction for, you'll obviously lose her attraction.
Also, you FINALLY are understanding how masculinity and femininity create romantic attraction. It's refreshing. Now what you DON'T understand yet is that these things are due to BEHAVIOR. NOT superficiality. The more feminine a man acts, the more he loses her attraction, but that can be turned around with a BEHAVIORAL adjustment. Its that easy.
Also, you've spoken out against boundaries before which is why you are wrong so often. Well part of that "negotiation" is for a man to HAVE PROPER BOUNDARIES and maintain them. This makes him attractive. This takes self-reflection and humility. When you finally eventually talk about this, I'll believe you finally FULLY know what you're talking about. Because i can really see you learning and slowly changing your mindset, and it's so nice to see it happen.
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I'd say love means kindness, upbuilding, respect, discipline, calm, teaching, and honesty. All of this is necessary from both mothers and fathers. Holding back any of these things or doing the opposite of them is what creates trauma wounds that must be healed. Its really that simple. Irresponsibility of either parent can cause the trauma wounds you speak of.
The main difference of mothers and fathers is really just about who leads the family and who the calm rock is and who the softer one to go to is.
Also, you really shouldn't teach that there is some kind of negative aspect associated with failing, because thats teaching fear. That may be an insecurity or fear that you personally have. In reality, failure is simply a means to learn and adjust. Its important that we teach kids AND adults that we must give ourselves permission to be a beginner. This mindset takes the pressure off and allows us to focus 100% on learning and improving with no fear to get in the way.
We teach our own values and beliefs and boundaries to our children, even if we don't realize it. It happens no matter what, so the most important thing to do is to humbly self-reflect, so we can make sure we have things right with ourselves before we go and teach things to our kids.
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Not bad. One major issue, though. You MUST already believe in yourself and know that you can do it. This is how you can be much more likely to pass the test and know that even if you don't, you'll still be ok. Waiting until you've actually done it to know you can do it is to remain uncertain, and uncertainty is low confidence, which results in not getting what you want and being less likely to pass those tests.
Also, the notion of having to "prove yourself" is approval seeking behavior. That results in a lack of confidence and needy behavior. You should already know that you are capable. There is no need to go out of your way to show off. If a job asks that of you, maybe, but definitely NOT in a relationship. This is why relationships and business are not the same.
Also, tests from women are things like to see if you can keep your cool, making sure you don't have a short temperature, seeing if you are really interested in her, and checking if you can handle not hearing from her for a little bit or if you'll flip out. Women do this so they can feel your calm masculinity so they can feel attraction toward you. These things have to already be developed in you as a man. If you go LOOKING to get her approval, that will show, and you'll come off as a little boy, and a woman can't be interested in little boy behavior.
This is why all your talk about status and money and success is awful and misleading advice, because thinking you need that to be attractive is another form of seeking a woman's approval. One day, I hope you finally understand this and have the courage to admit that for a long time, you really didn't know what you were talking about.
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@Kazeshini25663 Because we all deserve it because we are all capable of achieving the things that make us happy. Anyone that says otherwise is coming from a fearful perspective that says they will never get what they want.
When any of us don't feel good enough, it's a fear deep down that we are experiencing, and if we give into that fear, we give up, and therefore make the belief that we are not good enough valid for OURSELVES. We validate our false belief. That's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we FACE that fear and realize that it's OK if things don't work out, we'll be able to accept it and keep going, and learn what we might have done wrong, and then try again with a new opportunity with our new adjustments until we get it right. Having the humility to do that will help us adjust our perspectives also, and find that we are good enough to get the things we want, and it was actually always within our grasp. Even if we fail at first, we just learn and adjust our approach for next time. Everyone is capable of this. We are all good enough because we are all capable of growing and changing.
Those who choose to stick to that fear of not being good enough will prevent themselves from growing. It takes a humble attitude to free ourselves from that.
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You started doing better in relationships, because you became less attached to your outcome, and became more accepting of your partner. This belief may have helped you get to that point, but this belief isn't rooted in truth. You aren't taking into account a woman's FEELINGS. That is the most important variable, and you aren't taking it into account, because you are only thinking superficially.
A genuine relationship is nothing like pursuing a career, because feelings are involved. If a woman is leaving you, its not because there was a better option, its because her feelings for you are no longer there. Women don't leave men they are in love with. Her feelings fade or grow due to how you show up as a man. The more consistent you display masculinity and have fun and help her feel safe and comfortable and heard and understood, the more her attraction to you stays. Granted, if you are going through something, or grow complacent for a period, and she leaves just because her romantic feelings aren't there for a time, then she isn't a loyal partner. That would be like a man leaving, because the woman gained weight for a period of time. That said, having someone loyal doesn't give us an excuse to stay complacent, or stay not taking care of ourselves.
Now if a woman literally leaves, because she found a man with more money, and he met her goal better in that way, not only was she not in love, but that is a toxic and superficial woman that is not suitable for romantic relationships. That would be no different than a superficial man leaving his relationship for a woman that looks really good to him in that moment.
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Good stuff in the beginning about a bomb. A person that blows up easily, especially when you barely know them, is a major red flag.
That said, your interview analogy and picture test is bad because it requires an entitled mindset. It's as if you are entitled to all her availability and some pictures just because she likes you. Sometimes, a person genuinely can't do weekends, and they aren't being strategic. Also, you basically said you are entitled when you mentioned how you are above her and not equal to her in the courtship. That's the wrong mindset, and it will get you rejected by good women and have you attracting the ones with no self-respect. And those tend to be the bombs because a person with no self-respect tends to be angry because they are not treating themselves correctly.
Also, that picture thing is extra bad, because from her perspective, it seems like you are only interested in sex, because there is no way you can glean any part of her character from her picture. Consider that ask from HER perspective, not yours. You'll get farther because that's actually a more humble mindset and not an entitled one.
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You're thinking along the lines of superficiality here. Relationships are not the same as money in any way. It's impossible, because relationships go deep, and money is on the surface. Men are with multiple women, because they want feminine attention and are just following their libido. They are using the women for these things. Perhaps also, because they just don't want to be alone. A woman they actually like comes along very rarely, and they know pretty quickly when they actually like a woman enough to want to eventually want to take things further with her.
It's also impossible for someone not to take that personally, because they are being genuine and vulnerable with their heart, while the other person is not truly interested in them, yet is doing personal things with them.
I think you're right about men having to practice confidence, but women are also overcoming insecurities, and they also have to learn how to actually choose a decent man. They have work to do too if they want to improve.
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@treeaddict It's different, because there are genuinely actual problems that are getting in the way of her sex drive. A woman generally isn't interested in sex due to some type of circumstance. Whether that'd be because of depression, feeling overwhelmed, or just because the man is behaving more feminine than masculine at the time, which happens with tons of men and they don't realize it. So it's good to be aware of these things and know what to do in order to make her load feel light and help her feel secure, which makes things easier for her, which helps her sex drive be naturally high, because there would be no obstacles to it. So if we as men are only focused on getting our own needs met, we don't even think about any potential things we can do to facilitate a better relationship, let alone show up properly which increases her sex drive.
Also, as men, we are the leaders. So focusing on our needs in response to her focusing on her needs is to follow HER example, which in turn is making her the leader, which means we would be becoming submissive to her, which throws off the sexual polarity even more, which makes everything much worse.
Now, if she is just withholding sex as a punishment, or as a manipulation tactic or for some other disingenuous reason, that is wrong and an unnecessary strain on the relationship. Still, the proper response is not to threaten to cheat.
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@IfSemper It's ok if a woman WANTS to help her man feel like that once in a while, but not too often and if he keeps seeking those things from his woman, he would basically be painting himself as her child and making her his mother, and she would experience a loss of attraction. That's just a fact. Then she wouldn't come to you for feeling heard and understood anymore, just like she wouldn't go to her child for that. As a man, if you seek to feel heard, understood and safe, thats normal, but you are much better off going to a good friend you can trust, or your father or your actual mother, or God. Or even a therapist. Basically, just someone that knows how to actually listen.
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What you describe is looking for a mother, not a partner. The dudes that cry at the wedding and the woman is completely stoic? Yeah, thats that motherly dynamic going on right there. Its backwards and doesn't work because its not how we are designed. Watch your next wedding with this in mind.
True, lots of men are subconsciously looking for that due to their personal fears, but thats not what women want. Women want leaders. THEY want to be the one getting a parent in a sense. THIS is what elicits attraction when a man takes the lead, whether they know it or not. Thats just a fact man.
Thats why some women leave when the man gets complacent and STOPS leading, or hurt and CAN'T lead. This stops her from feeling that romantic feeling toward you. Its all about behavior, Orion.
So when a woman actually STAYS with a man despite his laziness or his inability to be the man he was before, THAT particular woman is not simply making decisions from her feelings like most do, but instead she has true love for the man that goes beyond that and she sticks around. Thats actually what the bible reminds both men and women to do. You mentioned God, so if a person actually cares about God's approval, they will act with integrity and will not leave as soon as the feelings become not as strong.
On that same note, the man needs to get his stuff together, and not remain down and out just because he has a good woman. He needs to show love also, which makes it easier on her, which helps the relationship to thrive and stay healthy.
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@Toni I think you're right about being excited, having an interest, and believing in your potential being necessary. I also believe that you will not achieve any of these states of mind without humility.
I think we just have different definitions of humility. I look at it as being the opposite of a prideful and haughty mindset. If you are haughty, then there is no reason for you to feel excited or interested, because you already know everything, so you feel above all that and like it's unnecessary. Also, you think you've already reached your potential, and you think there is nothing left to learn, therefore you block yourself from learning anything else, because you leave no room for it.
Being humble just allows you to leave room to grow. That's what I mean. Perhaps you are not on the same page as me when it comes to the word humble, but you seem to agree that we need to leave ourselves room to learn. That's really the main point I'm making.
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Think about what you are saying here. "Its healthy until the transactions suddenly become visible". This is basically another way of saying that relationships begin to FAIL AFTER they become TRANSACTIONAL.
People in healthy relationships give FREELY. By definition, this literally cannot be transactional, because a transaction is always and constantly an unemotional trade. Like you basically said, you start looking at things as a trade, your relationship begins to go downhill.
Now if one person is doing more for long periods and is tired, this is because the person is not feeling like the other CARES or LOVES them, because they are allowing one person to hold all the weight for too long WITHOUT putting any effort in, showing that they care. People want to feel genuine love, man. If a person with a transaction mindset does things for a person with a healthy and genuine mindset, the healthy person can FEEL that it isn't coming from the heart, but only to get something in return.
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"Behind every proposal is an ultimatum." This is a limiting belief and a projection of those beliefs. Everyone will act according to what they believe to be true, whether that belief is actually true or not. So if you think this is how life is, this is what you will do, and it is what you will attract. It limits you from the fulfilling experience of what life can really be.
Overall, ultimatums are toxic, because it is an attempt to force a decision, therefore taking away a person's freedom. Its manipulative. Only one may take the lead, but both are still equals. Options don't matter either. It's not the same as getting a job or a business deal. A person with self-respect cannot be moved by another's "options", and will stick to their principles and won't be manipulated by the showing of these "options". That goes for men and women both.
I can get behind your comments about competence being more attractive, but that won't cause a person with self-respect and principles to be controlled or overpowered in any way.
Being less committed also has no effect on men and women with self-respect, because a self-respecting person will notice the lack of commitment and will walk away from and not settle for someone who isn't truly excited about them.
So, what you say about these things can only be true IF the other person WILLINGLY gives their power away. And a person only gives their power away and allows these things when they suffer from fear and insecurity, which improperly dealt with can lead to limiting beliefs. Granted, most people are suffering from these things, but you'd basically be taking advantage of people with these things or victimizing yourself because of them.
Also, everyone has the power to decide what they will and won't allow into their lives. That is true for us all. We all have the power to decide to walk away, or accept.
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@chrisherber1635 Oh, ok. Im sorry to hear that. Clearly, you loved her. Well, I know that a woman would never move away from a man when she is in love, or at least it's extremely unlikely. So that tells me that before she moved, she had already lost lots of attraction to you, even though on paper she knows you're a good guy, which would explain why she still spoke highly of you. You probably did some stuff to unnattract her over time without realizing it because feelings don't instantly disappear. It sounds like she kept her loss of attraction to herself because she was just afraid to hurt your feelings until she absolutely had to tell you because she met someone else. Hiding how she felt was not ok on her part.
And yeah, if you made it obvious you wanted her, her acting as if she didn't know that was definitely just a made-up excuse for ending it so suddenly without saying anything before. I think on some level, she knew it was wrong to not mention to you how she had been feeling.
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Not true. Good relationships never have to be boring. Toxicity obviously isn't the only way to shake things up. Good and peaceful relationships can easily be enjoyable and fun, too. Wholesome fun and conversations exist too.
Not only that, but you seem to forget your psychology training. When someone is causing unnecessary problems like in the movie you mentioned, its usually because they are still harboring the anger or sadness from the trauma they've experienced and they have yet to properly face it and address it. So it shows up in other ways, often toward themselves or the people closest to them. Doesn't make it ok, but this is usually why.
Also, the lady in the movie was mad because she was forced to be in an arranged marriage. So, while it was an awesome lesson for her to focus more on his good qualities, which helped her calm down and accept him, its also good to take away the lesson that as a man or a woman, its not good to marry someone that clearly isn't in love with you, because that will obviously cause unnecessary issues.
I should add that if a woman is calling you boring, it's because you aren't being yourself and you aren't taking the lead like the masculine man you are. It could also be because you have gotten complacent and stopped the courtship all together or because you talk about yourself and your accomplishments too much and rarely show interest in her. It's never because you are healthy or wholesome. If you're called boring by a girlfriend doc, these are the things you are doing wrong.
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Sounds like you just need a willing man that knows what he is doing and is willing to figure you out. And also a masculine one so you can consistently feel desire, not a complaining one like Orion and his community.
For example, if my woman doesn't orgasm from foreplay and penetration, then I'll make sure I get her that orgasm another way every time, and it took a few tries to fully get to a place to where I could get her there every time.
Also, if you find a masculine man, and his imperfections flare up for a while and you feel turned off for a few months to a year and you know he is a good man, it would be in your best interest to honor marriage vows if married and stick it out. I say this because my ex-wife left me when we were at a low period. My behavior wasn't the best for a few months, so she was turned off for a long time and left. Well, she regretted this because I figured out my problem and became an even better boyfriend to my next girl after learning from my mistakes. Before she left, I told my ex-wife to stay because I learned a lot and I wanted to have it all figured out and learned with her so we could both still benefit from even the low points, but she gave up so soon.
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I really don't think we can use animals to properly gauge how a human being would react. I know they're similar in some ways, but they're still animals at the end of the day. There are tons of rich and high "status" people out there that are still depressed, because they don't know how to, or they refuse to address their issues. Their material needs are just one less problem. Although, they are more likely to fill their life up with temporary pleasures or distractions from their real problems. Plus the example of the primates contradicts your second point.
Also, it's nice to hear you acknowledge how superficial things cannot solve inner issues, but I don't believe we have to be disappointed in order to learn. To your point though, I suppose some haughty people just won't listen to others no matter what, but humility will allow us to listen to those that have been through it and learn, so that we don't have to waste time or the emotional energy going through the same disappointments.
So I guess it would be fair to say that you're aiming your advice toward the hard headed people that think they have it all figured out. They would be happy to hear it though, because its validation for them. At least until they watch this video lol.
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Some truth here, but not all of it. You took the wrong lesson from that experiment. It's true that you must make sure you're taking care of yourself before you take care of others. But this does not necessarily mean in a materialistic way. Because on that same note, tons of people out there who have lots of money also have a scarcity mindset. That's a fact. A mindset of abundance comes from your perspective. You can have this even when poor.
For example, the people who helped the man when time was short were the ones who knew deep down that everything would be ok no matter what. They knew that even if they failed, thats ok, because there will be more opportunities. They know all will never be truly lost, so they were able to focus on the more important thing. Whereas most people have a scarcity mindset, focused only on completion or winning, and therefore forget the more important things.
Overall, the ones that did help the man have a true ABUNDANCE MINDSET. They maintain their patience through anything, even time constraints. The percentage was so small because this mindset requires humility and self-examination, which most people refuse to do.
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Secretly only caring about sex is only a quiet part for YOU, because thats your worldview. Having to pretend to care isn't necessary if you have a true interest in the woman. Make no mistake, you aren't the only man out there that cares only for sex, but thats just not a healthy mindset to have. In order to believe this is normal, you have to believe that all people are just pretending to have dignity.
Your problem is that, to literally quote you from this video "you've bought your own BS." That was a projection, man. You're avoiding the fact that the relationshipy stuff might just be genuine, and not a cover-up. Lots of men out there want more than sex and lots of women out there want more than resources. That's the truth, but your chosen worldview won't allow you to reconcile this.
When someone says that they are giving more than they are getting, this is because the other person stopped putting forth effort in the relationship, and effort shows that a person CARES. You can't just throw resources and sex at that kind of problem. You have to actually care about the person so you can show love. Like spending time with them. That could be something as simple as planning a walk in the park together or showing more affection or doing a chore she normally would do because you see that shes tired. You might call those things transactions because that inspires her to do more for you, but if you really cared, you would do them for FREE, which means without expecting anything in return. Thats how relationships thrive. A business would fall apart if you always gave away your product for free. Thats why business and relationships are not the same.
Even if you look at the effort you put in as a long term investment, this is still expecting something in return, which will make you bitter and angry when you don't see the results you were expecting, which will cause you to sabotage things further. People can generally feel when something is expected of them, whether you say it or not, and that turns them off, makes them feel bad, and makes them want to distance themselves from you.
Also, you should know that the term "romantic relationship" implies a sexual relationship. It just means it's the opposite of a platonic relationship.
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@John S. ジョン・サラ He isn't dealing in only appearances. He is dealing in only status and money and transactions. This is superficiality. Superficiality literally cannot create true attraction. There are no true answers in this. Focusing on superficial things is also a good way to attract other superficial people like gold diggers.
The haughtiness is how he just absolutely focuses on the superficiality, believes all the answers lie in that, and goes on to teach everyone this is how things work. Also, he is trying to tell women how things should be, while not taking the time to understand women and why a woman may have made the choices that she may have made. Ultimately, he leaves no room to learn anything new, because he prefers his superficial answers, and that is the opposite of humble, which is haughty. The truth tends to escape haughty ones.
His biggest shortcomings were not only focusing on superficial things and equating them with high value, but also focusing on the initial two complaints that he says some women have. Thats a bad place to start, because the women that complain about that don't understand what truly attracts them, or don't care about actual attraction and focuses on superficial things like money and status just like he does.
The solution is to first understand how attraction actually works if one is going to teach it, learn and apply healthy boundaries for ourselves, and learn to vet individuals so that we can find someone that actually shares our values and goals and that actually cares about us. Also, focusing on learning how to make the proper choices for ourselves, rather than telling people how they need to behave to suit us or make society better.
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@John S. ジョン・サラ It's definitely reasonable to want a woman to commit and put her full effort into the relationship like yourself. That is the only way a relationship can actually work in a healthy way. That is part of having the same values. That's where we have to learn how to vet properly. We can't go into a relationship expecting to be benefited, though. That would be transactional, and love isn't transactional. We go to relationships to give, and if we find that other person doesn't have the same mentality, then that person doesn't share our values in that way and we can move on from them. No need to change them or convince them to be different. Just accept how they are and make our choice to move on from them.
This "modern woman" you speak of that won't invest in the relationship is not exclusive to modern times, and it isn't just exclusive to women. There have always been women AND men that use people and don't completely commit their all to the relationship. That selfishly take, but refuse to give. Frankly, some just don't know how to give. These men and women that go around breaking hearts and using people are low integrity people with a very different set of values than you. You cannot ever expect these type of people to all of a sudden be reformed and start behaving with maturity. That's like trying to move a mountain. You'll always be frustrated by focusing on these types of people.
Switch your focus to learning how to find decent people and learning how to filter out the low integrity ones. And don't go into it expecting certain behaviors to be traded for certain things from you. That isn't loving and thats a good way to find someone that isn't loving in return. It's basically a bribe for sex. It's unattractive and genuine feelings do not work that way. Love isn't transactional. Love is giving without expectation. We just have to find someone that also understands that fact and holds that value. Granted, it's not easy to find people like that in this world, but it is possible.
The doc is stuck on bargaining and transactions. He completely disregards or doesn't understand the things that spark genuine feelings, and he doesn't even consider what love actually is. He has clearly been consuming all types of misleading content.
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Ok, so here is the truth. The true God is perfect and loving. He created us only as perfect humans with no sin, or in other words, no evil. Adam and Eve messed up and sinned, passed down that sinful imperfection to us, and that is what happened. Now it's literally in our DNA to sin, which is why bad things that we need to resist might come natural to us.
God could have aborted everything like you mention, but he decided instead to fix it. That's why he had his son die for our sins, so that we could have a chance at perfection again. Basically, the perfect man Adam sinned, and Jesus remained perfect without sin and died a perfect man, which redeemed us. So God promises us that things will be back the way he intended, with no evil and a literal paradise earth with no death and actual everlasting life, and he'll resurrect many that have died in this world.
The bible says that this world is currently ruled by the wicked one. That is Satan, the angel that first rebelled and lied to Eve. He is now known as the devil. He says that we don't need God and that we can rule ourselves. Well, we can see what happens when humans rule themselves. It doesn't work. Also, there is no hell. The bible says the wages of sin is death, not eternal torture.
This is all from the bible, and I absolutely believe it, because it is the only explanation that makes sense to me. It just covers all bases and explains why evil exists. So if you reject all evil, then you actually have that in common with the true creator.
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Your definition of love is incomplete. Thats why you feel this way about it. Love is kindness and respect, love is uplifting, love is self-control, love is patience, love is mildness and love is joy and love is indeed humble. Showing all of these things in relationships will be as a constant boon to all relationships. The opposite of these things causes dysfunction. Love is indeed self-sacrificing, but not to the point of a lack of self-respect. If a woman wants to be with another man like in that movie, all you need to do is walk away from the relationship. If you know you have issues and cannot currently be a good partner, then you walk away just the same. That is the proper sacrifice. It would take a lack of love for yourself to actually pay for her to be with someone else. That isn't love. Allowing her the freedom to make her own choice and accepting it is love. To not settle for someone who obviously isn't all in and fully interested in you is love for yourself.
Love being sacrificial means more like sacrificing your free time to spend it with your mate or your children. That is a true and realistic and healthy sacrifice, because our time is the most valuable thing we have.
Showing real love takes a conscious effort, because it doesn't always come natural to us. Love is not just a feeling, its an action.
We also need to have love for ourselves in order to have the self-respect to not hang around someone if we are not being treated properly, and it takes a loving attitude to properly communicate that.
The issue is that most people don't know what love actually is, and they don't know how to show it, because they were not taught. They were often taught the opposite. That is most of us, but we can always still learn. A lack of love is the reason for all dysfunctional relationships, trauma and problems.
Oh, and by the way, what a good singing voice you have. That was definitely a nice surprise lol.
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Definitely a rookie take. You basically make lame exuses for why you don't want to show vulnerability, which you need in order to be confident, which is essential for attracting a woman. This is why you still struggle. If you genuinely hate showing a woman you care, then you're most likely dating women you don't really like, or you are incredibly lazy and selfish and would rather always focus on yourself, OR you're making excuses for being rejected.
Also, its true that the woman you were on a date with said something ungrateful, but she might have just been having playful banter also. The fact that you called it "invalidating" and took it personal shows that you need a woman's validation in order to feel good about yourself. That's an insecurity that you need to do some INTROSPECTION about.
The truth is that you don't need a woman's validation, and if you knew that, you could have had some fun with it by saying something like, "ok, well lets see where this goes for now, but whats your favorite flower", or, "I'm busy enjoying the pretty flower in front of me at the moment". But instead, you make up this whole "romance is for broke people mentality", as a way to cover up your insecurity. Its an avoidant perspective and its self-sabotaging. And as a result of this perspective, you said something rude to your date.
I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just telling you the truth you need to hear, because you'll just receive validation for your avoidant outlook from most people, and you won't learn anything that way and you'll continue to have the same problems.
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Thats not it, man. Women are attracted to masculinity. "Nice guys" hold back their honest thoughts, let down their boundaries and treat the woman differently than they would someone else, and they are in a fearful state, so they chase way too much. Therefore, they hold back their natural masculinity because of this fearful state. Whereas the "bad boys" don't care. They don't change themselves or let down boundaries to accommodate the woman. The woman either likes them and goes with them, or she doesn't. This allows the bad boys to retain their masculinity.
So basically, you can be a good, kind and loyal man, but still retain your masculinity. In other words, be yourself at all times, and you'll be super attractive. That is what most people don't understand. Most therapists don't even understand this.
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@Toni Sure, you'll probably always be challenged, and you can do lots of challenging, but its worth it to get to the truth if you are genuine about it. I understand time and resources potentially being an issue though. We can't deal with everything at once. When you find the truth, challenge tend to be much easier to deal with and not as time or resource consuming, because it becomes simple to understand and explain.
Also, willingly humbling yourself is the path to rid yourself of uncertainty, insecurity and lack of knowledge, because you are willing to honestly admit these things about yourself to yourself, which allows you to address them and fill your knowledge gap and conquer the insecurity and become certain. Admitting one's long-held belief might be wrong when in the face of obvious proof or something that makes sense can be scary, which is why so many are unwilling to do it. Humbling yourself is just being modest, and saying "perhaps I have more to learn", which helps you to look at yourself. It allows a person to examine himself inside, which is the opposite of projection. Or, in other words, drop one's puffed up pride. When we are learning anything, we are being humble in that moment, because we have to first admit that we have no clue. So it's just ADMMITTING that we are uncertain, so that we can start down the path of eventually becoming certain.
It's not that you base anything off of your ignorance. That saying just means that you are leaving yourself room to continue learning, and you aren't afraid to do some honest introspection and find the areas in which you have knowledge gaps or uncertainty. It's basically also saying to be modest.
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@ThePS101 My mistake. Thanks for the correction. Even so, this is basically urging a woman to give her body to him faster with the excuse of, "I could be making money right now, so you owe me." That is still a desperate and entitled attitude. He feels entitled to quick sex even though it was HIS decision to forgo money so he can go out on a date, not hers. So, in truth, she owes him nothing. And it's desperate because he is only thinking about sex and is in a rush to get there as if he is an animal. That's also a scarcity mentality. All of those are turn offs to self-respecting women, which will inadvertently get him much less sex and absolutely no healthy relationships. Because of this desperate and entitled and scarce mindset, he promotes prostitution, and twists it around in his mind so that he can pretend he still has an abundant mindset.
Granted, when it comes to making money and business, he truly does have an abundance mindset. That is clear. Although, when it comes to women and romantic relationships, he definitely has a scarcity mindset.
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You need a balance, which very few know how to accomplish, which is why you get such bad advice all the time. Money is useful. You need it, just don't over indulge and base your entire life on it. It's only important to keep you housed and fed. Everything else is extra. Thats a fact. Anyone that attacks you for wanting more or less is just uncomfortable with themselves and they are lost with no answers. Attacks like that are often projections of how they feel about themselves.
You don't actually need sex. It's unnecessary. It's actually a bonus thing we get to enjoy when we find the woman we actually love. When you find a woman you like, ask her out, only if you really want to. If it works out, awesome. If it doesn't, that's ok too. There is no need to rush any type of romance. You don't even need it if you don't want it. That is a fact. When people attack you on this subject, it's a projection of how they don't know what is truly valuable. They haven't grown up in that way yet.
Overall, the world usually doesn't know what it's talking about. That's why it's so frustrating. Also, you don't have to make major mistakes for years to learn these things. Be yourself.
Personally, I learn from the bible. The advice in there differs greatly from the world on these subjects, and I've learned from experience that applying the advice in there is extremely effective and fulfilling.
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@MegaAvalonn Women do like men. They just like the men that ACT LIKE MEN. The men with the mentality of the doc here in this video act more like entitled little boys trying to trick or bribe women into being with them. Women will never feel attraction to that desperate mentality, because there is no confidence or strength in it. And THIS is the mentality of the average man, which is why they have so many issues with women. The doc is spreading this mentality and passing it off as "smart". I know that sounds harsh, but thats the truth.
Men that attract the woman they want have confidence in who they are as a person, because they have principles and boundaries that they live by, and are honest and genuine and humble and not afraid to go for what they want in all aspects of their lives while being ok with rejection and failure, and have the motivation to learn from those failures and keep moving forward. Attractive men take the lead, but don't force it. Attractive men help women feel heard and understood. An attractive man would put out the fire as quickly as possible, and expect nothing in return, even if his offer to buy the home was rejected in the past, because he thinks of more than just himself and his wants.
Also, women have to FEEL your strength and confidence as a man IN PERSON in order to begin to feel a raw attraction to you. Dating apps do not allow them to feel anything from you with a picture or a description. That's why women only swipe yes on 5 percent of profiles. Their initial attraction to you works differently than how your initial attraction to them works. Most people don't understand this, which is why they become frustrated.
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@Johnny-g5k2x The doc is so focused on looks as a man. Listen to him. He sounds like a woman, and he projects that on all men. How can a feminine woman feel attraction to that. There can be no sexual polarity when a man has the mindset the doc has. That tells you that his behavior in relationships is likely more feminine, which is the true reason he unnattracts a woman. Worrying about money and age and generalizing everyone is an avoidance of his own unreasonable fears of not being good enough and his refusal to self-reflect on that. Then he teaches others this is normal. He WILL NOT be able to change this as long as he is too busy looking for ways to blame women for his problems, rather than reflect on how HE is showing up. It's a man's BEHAVIOR that attracts a woman. That beats looks by 90 percent at least. This means that literally, all men have the power to attract a woman WITHOUT being rich or older or having status or being super good-looking. Thats just a fact. People like the doc call them outliers, but in reality, their the ones that simply reflect on how THEY SHOW UP. They reflect on how their own decisions affect their lives. They take full responsibility for all results they get in their lives as adults. Even choosing a toxic woman that used them. They find out how to make the proper adjustments and then apply them to their choices for next time. They don't become blamers like the doc here.
Basically, you can make the changes you want in your life by properly addressing your fears. You can become more attractive by looking at your own behavior, learning where you fall short. It's that easy. There is always a way. You're a man. You are the initial chooser because you are the leader and the masculine one. You always have tons of choices, whether you know it or not. You just need the proper mindset to bring it out of you. You won't find this with the doc here. The doc's tendency of focusing on wealth, status, and looks is a scarcity mindset.
The truth is that you have the power to shape your life into the one that you want with the people you want, regardless of the looks you were born with. This goes for women also.
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@roses6564 Well, you don't have to follow any particular religion, but the things that work as far as having a healthy relationship remain the same. Religion or not. Since forever. The 21st century and everything before and after. It hasn't changed. People doing it wrong throughout the years doesn't change that.
I'm not saying an emotional connection is needed for marriage because people do that all the time, but that doesn't make it healthy. If you want to have a fulfilling relationship and you know better, you aren't going to commit yourself to someone that you have no interest in. Would you ever do that?
And regarding following your heart, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's ok. We have a heart for a reason, and we get enjoyment from following it many times. That scripture is only referring to people who love someone or something that might be bad for you. For example, if a woman feels lots of love for someone who is always abusive to her, and continues following her heart in that case and being with him, then she'll be subjecting herself to more hurt and trauma. Whereas if she resisted her heart in that case, she could free herself of all the hurt, and as a result, she could return to a healthier and happier state.
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@patrickrada2923 I don't think Dr. Taraban is being purposefully evil or malicious. He is just avoidant. On one hand, he is trying to help, but on the other hand, he is always trying to enable his own outlook because he is comfortable and doesn't want to self-reflect. This is why he always mixes in some truth, with misleading information.
For example, it's true that partners should strive to look for the good qualities in each other, but it's misleading to tell people that boredom is what they have to look forward to. Those other videos you mentioned where he talked about entertaining adventures contradict his talk about boredom in this one, but even in those OTHER videos, he went too extreme, because all you have to do is have fun with your girl and make dates every now and then. And it doesn't have to be super extravagant or costly or spontaneous. You don't have to lie about planning them because women just love that you're taking the lead to make a date. Pretending that it was spontaneous is unnecessary, and lying is exhausting. Worrying about being perceived as boring is exactly what will drive away your partner and good people in general. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also, he doesn't fully understand emotional maturity. A huge part of an emotional mature person is always being willing to self-reflect on your own behavior and outlook, but the doc has spoken out against self-reflection in one of his videos.
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