Comments by "Leo" (@Leoo117) on "The most TOXIC RELATIONSHIP BELIEF: how you may be sabotaging your success" video.

  1. I think you have a point, but it's not defined enough, and can be taken too many different ways. I think roles in romantic relationships are built in, and it's mostly natural to follow those roles. I believe what you are referring to with not being ourselves is our imperfections and our tendency to want to slack, be lazy, or think of ourselves and not consider the other person. Sometimes, it's just pride that gets in the way or the fact that we feel uncomfortable with a certain vulnerability that we aren't used to showing. These toxic things can be natural for us and are part of who we are due to being imperfect and raised certain ways. The good news is that we can change these things within ourselves. So overall, being our natural selves is a good thing, because we aren't exhausting ourselves by putting up a facade, BUT we have to take into consideration our imperfections. For example, I've decided years ago to make an effort to practice being myself at ALL times, wherever I go and with whatever I do and around ALL people. Ever since I've began doing this, I've felt so much happier and more free and more energetic and more confident. It works wonders. Now, I have to hold my tongue sometimes though, because perhaps a leader at work might be extremely inefficient and unwilling to listen, which angers me. Or maybe my natural inclination is to be lazy at work that day. Or perhaps I don't feel like spending time with my girlfriend, because I want too much alone time to focus on other things. To your point, THESE are imperfections that are natural for me that I have to be aware of and exercise self-control with in order to maintain my happiness and my relationships. So be ourselves, but be aware of and temper our imperfections. Not doing this and just following our hearts carelessly can lead to disaster. It really takes some humility.
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  2. @Mark Patterson  Practicing being myself included saying what was on my mind out loud, instead of holding it in as only a thought. Making a joke that came to mind even though there is a chance no one would laugh or care, voicing my disagreements, no matter how unpopular my opinion might be, and not being afraid to smile and wave at people when I want to, or compliment a stranger or anybody really, or being honest about embarrassing things about myself, or say "no" to people when appropriate for myself, or tell someone that I do not appreciate something said about me, and not just laugh it off if I didn't feel good about it. Even something like doing random stretches and exercises when I wanted to around groups of people, even if they made fun of me for it. Also, not laughing at jokes I didn't like, such as jokes at someone else's expense or jokes that I felt were shallow and gross just to make the one making the joke feel more comfortable. Or just not changing my demeanor when speaking to someone with lots of power or a woman I felt was extremely beautiful, or a man that looks like an extremely rough gang banger. Treat everyone the same and keep the same boundaries with everyone. I'm still working on this stuff to be honest, but I've gotten much better. The practice just consists of those little things that I think anyone can start practicing one at a time if they really wanted to, and if they were willing to honestly examine their own behavior.
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