Comments by "" (@modickens1272) on "Why men don't go to therapy: addressing the gender gap" video.

What Ive observed, based on my own experiences is a combination of things. I actually went to a female therapist once and when she asked the purpose of my visit I told her " Ive been told I'm crazy and if so, I want it in writing" I noticed after the once a week visits for two months that there were drawbacks and also insights into it. I would observe her and ask her questions occasionally and most times she would either try to avoid answering or give vague answers at best. At any rate we became intimate at some point outside the office and when I moved we remained friends occasionally writing, I learned 5 years after my encounter with her she was murdered by her only son. The drawbacks I observed was its almost impossible for either patient or doctor to remain objective. The doctor can often point out problems but only the patient can truly fix them. I also think it can lead to self absorption on the patients part, talking so much about themselves can cause them to neglect others in their orbit, and self fixation long term is never good in my opinion. The insights I came away with was aspects of my personality that was always there but I never fully saw them. Such as antisocial tendencies, paranoia, contempt for authority etc. We often tend to think our behavior or outlook is rational but sometimes it takes an outside observer to point out things we can't or don't want to see about ourselves. So therapy was good for that. I asked for tests to be administered such as IQ and personality tests to get insight into myself. I learned things from it, and though some may argue she was unethical I didn't see it that way. I think the only time it would be unethical is if the patient was unable to make their own decisions due to mental illness. This was not my case. I think men avoid therapy because it's a vulnerability, and also men tend to want to solve problems on their own. Also there is an aspect in society that people don't care about the problems of others. What's that saying " don't tell people your problems, 80% don't care and 20% are glad you're having them" women in general don't care due to evolutionary reasons. Briffaults law explains this. And most men in society are competitive with other men so subconsciously they're not going to be too interested in helping someone who is a competitor for resources and mating options. Another aspect rarely brought up is the " don't you have friends that can listen?" So just by paying a stranger they often feel like a loser in the eyes of society, the same as getting an escort. The stigma of paying to have emotional needs or physical needs gratified lingers even if on a subconscious level with society.
57
@MCharlerySmith thanks, yes she was murdered stabbed to death, put in the trunk of her car as the son and his girlfriend drove around for 2 days and dumped her in a field when she started to stink up the car. I thought something might be wrong since I hadn't heard from her in 6 months and so I googled her. That's how I found out. She lived in another country I was no longer living in at the time. It was somewhat surreal learning that. It also made me realize the dangers of letting emotions cloud judgment. She had mentioned to me prior how her son had problems occasionally but never specified what. I believe her motherly love for him ignored the red flags of how dangerous he was. Cognitive dissonance in my opinion contributed to her death sadly. Her inability to see her son objectively and the danger he posed. Yet what could she do really? Not speak to him, cut him off? It was perhaps a no win situation.
10
@derodomtommy3716 thanks, yes it was surreal when I learned she was murdered. You're right, society often tries to label masculinity as a disorder.
1
@mpclepto182 I agree. I read once the definition of paranoia is "perfect awareness" and antisocial can be label for anyone not willing to accept or tolerate being boxed in by an ungrateful society's expectations.
1