Comments by "Piccalilli Pit" (@piccalillipit9211) on "Einzelgänger"
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Im an author - I wrote this recently for my next book:
LONELINESS
‘Loneliness is not the lack of company in one’s life. It is the lack of meaning in one’s life. People merely distract us from ourselves.’
[Redacted]
People distract us from the lack of meaning in our life. They entertain us, they annoy us, they make us laugh, most of all they distract us. They distract us from the emptiness inside of us.
The absence of people in life does not make us lonely. The awareness of our own emptiness is what makes us lonely.
If we fill that void with meaning, with purpose, with life, we will never be lonely. We can take the company of good people. We can walk away from toxic people, not needing their company, not exposing our happiness to their pollutants in order to not feel alone.
When we feel bad about ourselves, when we have low self-esteem, when we have a lack of meaning in our lives, when we don't know who we are; we are desperate to be distracted from ourselves and made feel happy. Even if that ‘happy’ is just not feeling bad about ourselves.
Often it’s better to be annoyed by someone else than depressed about ourselves.
This is why people getting out of abusive relationships are notorious for jumping straight back into obviously unsuitable relationships. A friend of mine in Utah, America, just told me a story of two friends. Both recently out of abusive relationships, both getting married again to people they have been dating for less than three months.
One of them openly admits the partner they are marrying is financially abusive and takes advantage of them.
But being taken advantage of financially, and all the misery that brings, is better to a lot of people than sitting alone and feeling empty and without purpose. It is better than feeling ‘lonely’.
And it’s a quick fix to find an unsuitable partner. A lot quicker than filling your life with purpose and meaning. With the added advantage you can blame the partner for all the problems and misery in your life.
So, as long as you don't actually care about your happiness, it’s a real ‘win - win’.
But assuming you do care about your long-term happiness, well it’s probably best to find some meaning in life.
People with rich, fulfilling lives, full of meaning and purpose are never lonely, neither do they shun company, but they are equanimous. They can take it or leave it. They can appreciate the benefits, the joy even, of being alone. They can appreciate the beauty of silence.
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LONELINESS by me...
‘Loneliness is not the lack of company in one’s life. It is the lack of meaning in one’s life. People merely distract us from ourselves.’
[redacted]
People distract us from the lack of meaning in our life. They entertain us, they annoy us, they make us laugh, most of all they distract us. They distract us from the emptiness inside of us.
The absence of people in life does not make us lonely. The awareness of our own emptiness is what makes us lonely.
If we fill that void with meaning, with purpose, with life, we will never be lonely. We can take the company of good people. We can walk away from toxic people, not needing their company, not exposing our happiness to their pollutants in order to not feel alone.
When we feel bad about ourselves, when we have low self-esteem, when we have a lack of meaning in our lives, when we don't know who we are; we are desperate to be distracted from ourselves and made feel happy. Even if that ‘happy’ is just not feeling bad about ourselves.
Often it’s better to be annoyed by someone else than depressed about ourselves.
This is why people getting out of abusive relationships are notorious for jumping straight back into obviously unsuitable relationships. A friend of mine in Utah, America, just told me a story of two friends. Both recently out of abusive relationships, both getting married again to people they have been dating for less than three months.
One of them openly admits the partner they are marrying is financially abusive and takes advantage of them.
But being taken advantage of financially, and all the misery that brings, is better to a lot of people than sitting alone and feeling empty and without purpose. It is better than feeling ‘lonely’.
And it’s a quick fix to find an unsuitable partner. A lot quicker than filling your life with purpose and meaning. With the added advantage you can blame the partner for all the problems and misery in your life.
So, as long as you don't actually care about your happiness, it’s a real ‘win - win’.
But assuming you do care about your long-term happiness, well it’s probably best to find some meaning in life.
People with rich, fulfilling lives, full of meaning and purpose are never lonely, neither do they shun company, but they are equanimous. They can take it or leave it. They can appreciate the benefits, the joy even, of being alone. They can appreciate the beauty of silence.
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@andreapfister453 Ive led a life that most would consider amazing, and I'm not trying to boast. Ive done the PariDakar rally, I've been lost in a live minefield, Ive been taken into the jungle to be executed, Ive started a multi million $$$ businesses in a country where I didn't speak the language or even read the alphabet, I've overcome severe alcoholism, meth addiction, brain damage, Ive sailed a yacht across France, lived off grid in a log cabin, lived off grid in the yacht in the south of France - but all of them were just desperate attempts to be happy.
They were not successes, as most people would see them. They were failed attempts to find something that made me happy. I absolutely never occurred to me that living a tiny modest life writing the odd book and hand-sewing historical suits would make me incredibly fulfilled and very happy.
I was born very poor so assumed that happiness was to be found in money and adventure. The people in the movies always look so happy with their wealth and their adventures...
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LONELINESS by me
‘Loneliness is not the lack of company in one’s life. It is the lack of meaning in one’s life. People merely distract us from ourselves.’
[redacted]
People distract us from the lack of meaning in our life. They entertain us, they annoy us, they make us laugh, most of all they distract us. They distract us from the emptiness inside of us.
The absence of people in life does not make us lonely. The awareness of our own emptiness is what makes us lonely.
If we fill that void with meaning, with purpose, with life, we will never be lonely. We can take the company of good people. We can walk away from toxic people, not needing their company, not exposing our happiness to their pollutants in order to not feel alone.
When we feel bad about ourselves, when we have low self-esteem, when we have a lack of meaning in our lives, when we don't know who we are; we are desperate to be distracted from ourselves and made feel happy. Even if that ‘happy’ is just not feeling bad about ourselves.
Often it’s better to be annoyed by someone else than depressed about ourselves.
This is why people getting out of abusive relationships are notorious for jumping straight back into obviously unsuitable relationships. A friend of mine in Utah, America, just told me a story of two friends. Both recently out of abusive relationships, both getting married again to people they have been dating for less than three months.
One of them openly admits the partner they are marrying is financially abusive and takes advantage of them.
But being taken advantage of financially, and all the misery that brings, is better to a lot of people than sitting alone and feeling empty and without purpose. It is better than feeling ‘lonely’.
And it’s a quick fix to find an unsuitable partner. A lot quicker than filling your life with purpose and meaning. With the added advantage you can blame the partner for all the problems and misery in your life.
So, as long as you don't actually care about your happiness, it’s a real ‘win - win’.
But assuming you do care about your long-term happiness, well it’s probably best to find some meaning in life.
People with rich, fulfilling lives, full of meaning and purpose are never lonely, neither do they shun company, but they are equanimous. They can take it or leave it. They can appreciate the benefits, the joy even, of being alone. They can appreciate the beauty of silence.
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@frog6054 - Ill certainly try. I am an author on this subject, here are some short chapters from my next book, I hope they help.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ‘BAD THING’
‘Reality is created in our mind, we change our mind and we change our reality.’
Plato
I want you to understand this very deep truth.
Life does not dole out good or bad things to you. The things that happen to you are neither good or bad, they are just EVENTS.
It is YOU that decides to attach a label and an emotion to them.
‘I was evicted from my apartment and lost everything….’
OR
‘I was given a clean slate to start again in life with none of the trappings that reminded me of the abuse from my ex….’
Both are true, true for me. It actually happened to me – I was evicted from my apartment because my landlord bribed a judge to get a ruling in the two weeks I was in hospital. That sort of thing happens here in Bulgaria.
But only one of these perspectives allowed me to rebuild myself after severe narcissistic abuse, to learn to live an incredibly minimalistic and spiritual life free of material trappings. Only one allowed me to move on to a new and incredibly happy life. Only one was exactly the gift I needed form the universe to save me from my very materialistic self.
There is no such thing as a bad experience - only the wrong perspective!
So, the U.S.A. is in decline, your society is in decline, life will be different. Possibly very different, but how you choose to interpret that is entirely up to you!
The emotions you attach to that, they are entirely up to you.
The emotions you attach to each news story, they are up to you.
The labels you give to each event in your life, they are up to you.
I am equanimous about all events now, nothing phases me. They are just events.
I have brain damage and forget many things. I forget the coffee pot and boil it dry; I clean it and have a shiny clean coffee pot fifteen minutes later. I take joy in the shiny coffee pot and never give a second’s thought to the burnt remains I had to scrape out.
---§---
READ PHILOSOPHY & QUOTATIONS
‘I haven't learned how to confront a problem by avoiding it.’
Brian Spellman
I grew up thinking philosophy was stupid. I thought it was a pointless thing that people with brains too big, parents too rich and egos too inflated told themselves was a ‘profession’. This is one of the things I was most wrong about in life, the other one is YouTube.
Philosophy is one of the highest achievements of humanity, one of the most important disciplines we have, it is the window into the core of the human experience.
‘Too lazy to be ambitious, I let the world take care of itself. Ten days’ worth of rice in my bag; a bundle of twigs by the fireplace. Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment? Listening to the night rain on my roof, I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.’
Ryōkan
Just reading philosophy, even if you don't understand all if it or even agree with it, will lower your stress levels and calm you.
‘All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.’
Blaise Pascal
Philosophy is the S Class Mercedes of the soul.
In an S Class Mercedes, your heart beats an average of 6 bpm slower than any other car. For where other cars strive to be exiting, or luxurious, or the ultimate driving experience, Mercedes invest all their effort into making the S Class relaxing to drive. And being German, they achieve this. With infinite precision.
You don't have to understand the S Class to be calmed by it, you don't even have to like the S Class to be calmed by it, you just have to experience the S Class to be calmed and soothed by it.
And philosophy is the same.
We have actually used philosophy already in this book, at the very beginning. We used the Stoic Philosophy of, ‘what is the worst that can happen?’
We assumed the worst that could happen was that society would collapse and it would collapse quickly, and now we are working on coping with that. Once we have all the tools in place, we will cope with that, easily. And actually, that worst case is really quite unlikely to happen, possibly only a ten percent chance, but we are prepared for it, should it happen.
And that is straight out of Marcus Aurelius Meditations On Stoicism.
It is called Amor fati, a Latin phrase that may be translated as ‘love of fate’ or ‘love of one's fate’. It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary.
And believe it or not, a very significant proportion of what is in this book has its foundations in philosophy.
Everything I have learned through 35 years of having life kick the shit out of me could have been learned as a 15-year-old by reading philosophy. Only it took 35 years of having the shit kicked out of me by life to think that reading philosophy might be a good idea…and there is the rub.
Philosophy is not for namby pamby liberal elites on university campuses. It is for everyone. I mean everyone.
My uncle is a rough a**ed farmer from the North Yorkshire Moors in England. He has read more philosophy than I likely ever will. It is what he credits with saving him from blowing his brains out with the shotgun when coping with a wife who spends three times what the farm earns, and a son who can’t plough a straight furrow because he got in a 4.00am drunk (as he does most days of the week), and regularly puts the tractor through a dry stone wall because he fell asleep again.
The philosophical works I especially recommend are:
Tao Ta Ching - Taoism
Which can be summed up as ‘Meh, why bother?’
Marcus Aurelius Meditations - Stoicism
Which can be summed up as ‘Meh, why care?’
I would defiantly get the new translation of Marcus Aurelius Meditations On Stoicism:
ISBN-13: 978-0812968255
ISBN-10: 9780812968255
And the Tao Ta Ching - Taoism is available in app form and these can be quite good as they have several translations. Yes, translations make a difference especially as the Tao Ta Ching was written in Chinese and many concepts do not directly translate. But this is a good thing, each translation will give you a different insight into the work.
Alternatively, you can listen to them on audiobook FREE by searching for these videos on YouTube.
By the way, I always suggest YouTube because it is universally FREE to everyone. I know it is not as convenient as a podcast or a streaming service sometimes, but they are not usually available FREE world wide - YouTube is.
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And I would defiantly search YouTube for the audiobook of Marcus Aurelius "Marcus Aurelius - Meditations - (Audiobook)" the channel is "Vox Stoica"
I hope this is of help to you. :-D
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