Comments by "Gareth Hart" (@tgheretford) on "Cole Hastings"
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Incels have always been a thing. You just didn't notice their existence until the 2010s. Prior to the Internet, we called them confirmed bachelors, they would be resigned to their homes alone and would be ignored by everyone. They always existed, we have never had 100% of men partnered up, ever. The term was coined by a single woman, so it's not an exclusively male thing.
We've reached the point where expectations on men are based on ideals and not reality. The reason why so many men are failing is because we focus our advice on telling them to be something most men can never reach in reality, whether through genes, physical limitations, short height (most CEO's are over six foot tall), personality traits (half is heritable), no opportunity and so forth. Each man has a ceiling that he will hit. Every man can reach a personal peak but not every man will be in the top 20% of men. Like mountains, not every mountain can be Everest and not every man can be Leonardo DiCaprio. Realism has been substituted for false hope to which some people are exploiting for profit.
You're right in suggesting men get off dating apps. But not in the way that you think. Because what men should be doing is working on themselves and being the best they can be. However, it is also right to be realistic and not fall into the trap of delusion. Not every man is blessed with good genes, height, good mental health and IQ. Some men many have to forgo a relationship and forge a path in life different from the majority in the same way that some individuals and couples may have to forgo having children naturally because of infertility. It's a cruel fact of life that life isn't fair and some people are dealt a bad hand that they can't fix. Better to give the uncomfortable truth than give false hope. Warm and cold approach offline has the same pitfalls as online dating, we know from scientific studies that the predominant factor of initial attraction is physical appearance and most of that is genetic. Gym won't improve your appearance if you have unattractive facial features, it can't boost your height to above six feet and can't fix genetic abnormalities. Personality is also a significant trait which is also half heritable which also feeds your social status. Therapy (ironically in the sponsorship, online - as in "NOT. REAL. LIFE.) won't do anything to make an introvert into an extrovert. Status is another after the initial attraction but that is also dependant on your external environment, socio-economic status, social status, personality and looks. Grooming, clothing and haircuts won't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things because you can't pass on a haircut or a suit to your offspring. This won't be fixed with "just therapy bro", "just go outside bro", "just confidence bro" and "just lift bro". If anything, this could be counterproductive. Your solution does sound like religious preaching, to be fair.
Remember, you're talking about human beings with emotions, feelings and thoughts, not evil creepy robots who hate everything and wish to bring society down as you are portraying them. We can also tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Which is why the arguments of video games causing violence fall down and will always fall down. Some empathy wouldn't go amiss. Where are the male role models in their lives?
Society bases a man's worth based on his ability to attract a partner. There is no getting around this without a societial discussion and that is not going to happen because there is zero advantage to changing the status quo. Indeed, many of the male gendered insults are based on a man's inability to attract a partner.
In terms of the less than 20% of the population of the US have used Tinder, I have contradicting data which suggests that the largest percent of dating is done online. And that was before the twenties. And the biggest platform by far is Tinder. It's the YouTube of dating, it's the place everyone is on because it has the mass userbase. And divorce rates are falling because... marriage rates are falling! I would also warn against biases in relation to using findings from self-reported studies. Actions, not words. You'll find a very different set of results. The women who publicly said they don't want a short guy are the honest ones. Most won't say what they practice to avoid hurt feelings or negative push-back or abuse. People tend to tell researchers what they want to hear, not what they actually do. Which is why I don't use them when rebutting other people.
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