Youtube comments of Gareth Hart (@tgheretford).

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  83. We know in the last ten years or so since the introduction of Tinder, rates of virginity in young American men in their twenties has increased significantly. Dating apps focus on looks while people don't tend to look at biographies - and if they do, it's filled with things that relate to looks (ie. 6ft). Self-help gurus tend to posit that the key to attractiveness is resources. Problem is, women have been able to generate their own resources from both work and the state to the point where they don't need men and are now focusing on looks (including height) which dating apps are excellent at performing. We also know that real life dating options have collapsed, particularly since 2020 and online dating has exploded in the last decade, going from stigmatised in the 90s to the only game in town now. Worse still for older men, looks fade and experience takes precedence. In terms of ratio, men outnumber women 3:1 on Tinder but its the breakdown that opens eyes. 60% of matches go to the top 10% of men in terms of looks, 80% to the top 20% and 95% to the top 50%. Attractive men and women across the whole range of looks have choice whilst increasing numbers of average and below men are getting zero matches and zero dates. The reason why you see complaints from women about men not committing is because the top tier of men that women are picking have choices and do not have any incentive to commit. Whereas the men who do want to commit are lower value. Women rate 80% of men as unattractive compared to 50% of women for men (OkCupid data). Problem is, we know from studies that physical attractiveness is the biggest factor for mate selection and that is predominately genetic - you can't improve your eye, nose and chin ratios or your height at the gym. Go to the gym anyway but don't do it exclusively thinking it is the miracle cure for singledom. For some men, getting a gym body could actually work against them in dating if they have a genetic physical defect or it could be seen negatively as compensating. Grooming only improves your looks to a small degree, you can't pass your clothes, shoes or haircut to your offspring. We also know that attractiveness is tied to how you are valued and respected in society. Attractive men can get away with a bad joke and have it laughed at but an unattractive man doing the same thing can have that joke seen as offensive. The former will have approaching someone seen as confident and cure while for the latter it is seen as creepy. The "know the work rules" office meme is based on truth. Single men should focus on improving themselves and living the best, happiest life they can. But not for the sole purpose of finding a partner. Give men the truth, no matter how uncomfortable, and a positive outlook and I bet this societal problem disappears overnight.
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  227. I am concerned about the concept of criminalising unwanted communication and behaviour from men to make society safe for women and deal with sexual harassment. We know that a man's attractiveness can determine how a woman interprets a communication or behaviour. Attractive men can get away with a lot more than an average man whilst an unattractive man can create disgust, offence or anger even with just his presence (ie. a woman crosses the street in public after catching the view of a man). If we go down the road of criminalising ugly, we will have done to unattractive men what we did with former laws against homosexual people - criminalise an inalienable characteristic. In terms of the erosion of commitment, this is a problem of dating apps, hypergamy and the high value men having so much choice they don't need to commit whilst the women who chase and match with them want them to commit. We know on Tinder that the top 10% of the men get 60% of the matches. Above average men get 95% of the matches. The other problem is that whilst dating apps are geared towards women and high value men plus what happens with casual hook-ups, there is no incentive to deal with this behaviour when the only losers are lower tier men who society doesn't care about at best. A number of mainstream dating sites and apps have successfully managed to rebrand hook-up culture as dating. Women get shamed for promiscuity. Men get shamed for failing to attract a partner. Sex shaming works both ways. An increasing number of men are no longer playing the game of life because they feel that the game is rigged. The only winning move in a rigged game is not to play. What I haven't heard is what do we do with disenfranchised, left behind men for whom adult material and self-love is their only option? If your answer is celibacy, we know celibacy is not a zero-cost option.
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  758. Incels have always been a thing. You just didn't notice their existence until the 2010s. Prior to the Internet, we called them confirmed bachelors, they would be resigned to their homes alone and would be ignored by everyone. They always existed, we have never had 100% of men partnered up, ever. The term was coined by a single woman, so it's not an exclusively male thing. We've reached the point where expectations on men are based on ideals and not reality. The reason why so many men are failing is because we focus our advice on telling them to be something most men can never reach in reality, whether through genes, physical limitations, short height (most CEO's are over six foot tall), personality traits (half is heritable), no opportunity and so forth. Each man has a ceiling that he will hit. Every man can reach a personal peak but not every man will be in the top 20% of men. Like mountains, not every mountain can be Everest and not every man can be Leonardo DiCaprio. Realism has been substituted for false hope to which some people are exploiting for profit. You're right in suggesting men get off dating apps. But not in the way that you think. Because what men should be doing is working on themselves and being the best they can be. However, it is also right to be realistic and not fall into the trap of delusion. Not every man is blessed with good genes, height, good mental health and IQ. Some men many have to forgo a relationship and forge a path in life different from the majority in the same way that some individuals and couples may have to forgo having children naturally because of infertility. It's a cruel fact of life that life isn't fair and some people are dealt a bad hand that they can't fix. Better to give the uncomfortable truth than give false hope. Warm and cold approach offline has the same pitfalls as online dating, we know from scientific studies that the predominant factor of initial attraction is physical appearance and most of that is genetic. Gym won't improve your appearance if you have unattractive facial features, it can't boost your height to above six feet and can't fix genetic abnormalities. Personality is also a significant trait which is also half heritable which also feeds your social status. Therapy (ironically in the sponsorship, online - as in "NOT. REAL. LIFE.) won't do anything to make an introvert into an extrovert. Status is another after the initial attraction but that is also dependant on your external environment, socio-economic status, social status, personality and looks. Grooming, clothing and haircuts won't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things because you can't pass on a haircut or a suit to your offspring. This won't be fixed with "just therapy bro", "just go outside bro", "just confidence bro" and "just lift bro". If anything, this could be counterproductive. Your solution does sound like religious preaching, to be fair. Remember, you're talking about human beings with emotions, feelings and thoughts, not evil creepy robots who hate everything and wish to bring society down as you are portraying them. We can also tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Which is why the arguments of video games causing violence fall down and will always fall down. Some empathy wouldn't go amiss. Where are the male role models in their lives? Society bases a man's worth based on his ability to attract a partner. There is no getting around this without a societial discussion and that is not going to happen because there is zero advantage to changing the status quo. Indeed, many of the male gendered insults are based on a man's inability to attract a partner. In terms of the less than 20% of the population of the US have used Tinder, I have contradicting data which suggests that the largest percent of dating is done online. And that was before the twenties. And the biggest platform by far is Tinder. It's the YouTube of dating, it's the place everyone is on because it has the mass userbase. And divorce rates are falling because... marriage rates are falling! I would also warn against biases in relation to using findings from self-reported studies. Actions, not words. You'll find a very different set of results. The women who publicly said they don't want a short guy are the honest ones. Most won't say what they practice to avoid hurt feelings or negative push-back or abuse. People tend to tell researchers what they want to hear, not what they actually do. Which is why I don't use them when rebutting other people.
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  1139. I'll speak from a UK perspective because that is what I am familiar with. We've just had the Online Safety Act pass and there will be requirements for age and ID verification in 2025 for all websites not "safe for kids", including social media ones (as they implement an age requirement for use). Their idea of synchronising ID checks with the real world means that Government photo ID as one and done (as used on with gambling sites) won't be legal next year. Their proposal is for both Government photo ID and live, ongoing facial recognition checks when you use the site via phone camera/webcam. That's going to be a problem for game consoles with age restricted games, but they'll legally have to implement something that passes the requirements by law. Now there's a problem. In the real world, your private ID isn't kept by the shopkeeper after every purchase, for online, it will be. And like in the real world, you will be asked for ID every single time you access a website as they require real world, live verification that you are the individual accessing that website and not passing it on to another individual after the initial verification. Now imagine the consequences if someone gets in by the back door to steal ID/images of facial recognition and then uses it for blackmail of individuals for cash gain or releases it as a "perverts database". We know what happened with Ashley Madison. In terms of online anonymity being abolished to rapturous applause, in future, I will have more anonymity in Speakers Corner than I would on the Internet. At least in the real world, while people can see me, they don't know who I am. I will have no choice online in future if I want to do anything beyond what you would see on a children's channel, in a school or at a nursery. This is why people are concerned and why people are downvoting this video. It is a consequence of the majority who want to outsource the parenting of children to the state. The problem is, the state treats everyone as a child for "your own safety".
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  1270. Being a single male who is unsuccessful at dating and mating is stigmatised as we apply male worth to those aspects of life. Incel refers to anyone who fails at that and is now being used as a loaded insult even to those who are in long term relationships, including Dr Jordan B. Peterson. Male insults tend to be focused on the inability to attain a partner. The problem with self-improvement gurus now is that they engage in survivorship bias - focusing on the top tier men that most men could not reach. Inevitably when they fail, they get sold programmes to further improve themselves, which inevitably fail and the man gets blamed for not trying hard enough. Then he gets upsold an higher priced programme which also fails. And so you have a vicious circle. Because gurus and commentators fail to acknowledge the fact that everyone has a different ceiling they can aim for. But that doesn't gain clicks, views and revenue like generalising, easy sound-bytes and lucrative programmes do. Dating apps are now the dating market. Real life is now either too risky or has gone since 2020 and won't be coming back as bars and nightclubs close down due to the cost of living crisis. If you're not photogenic, physically attractive and able to show your status in your photographs (liars get found out) and if you are older, lack of experience, you're in big trouble. Problem with things like love, affection, intelligence and humour, you can't really demonstrate those in a photograph like you can with facial features, physical intelligence and socio-economic status. We're creating a moral panic around incels for an agenda whilst ignoring the fact that they are human beings too.
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  1327. A solution to the dating market problem and a societal problem that I do not agree with but is one that is slowly being lobbied for and implemented in reality, particularly in the UK, is to remove unattractive and low status men by identifying characteristics and behaviours, colloquially known as "creepiness" and the "ick", from establishments such as gyms and online dating apps as well as society. One thing to note is that feminists have political sympathy, influence and power. Involuntary celibates on the other hand (and that's the new, expanded definition of any man without a partner from the former and the media) have no power. They are dismissed, despised and hated to the level of some of the most evil criminals in history. Beyond help and not deserving of help. Which may go some way to explain why Dr Peterson gets the hated he does from his critics. Something I have noticed as of late to back up these claims is the growth in TikTok content from women who complain about "creeps" in gyms who give them the "ick" for whom their only crime is to literally exist and be in their presence. In the UK we're seeing new laws to outlaw such behaviour. There has also been news articles during the passage of the Online Safety Bill of women being put in danger or even the victims of heinous crimes and of course, coincidentally, the arrest of Tate. War was used as a method to deal with the problem of unattractive and low status "excess men" who would be given basic training, given a weapon and sent to the front lines. History might be starting to rhyme, starting with Russia and Ukraine.
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  1333. 15:52 - Dating apps are pretty much now and have been for a number of years, the only game in town for meeting new people without any potential social ramifications though I am starting to see women going to gyms (and hardware stores) to find high status, physically attractive men. But what you haven't taken into account is hypergamy. Women date across and up in terms of attractiveness and social status. That is antithetical to settling or as it colloquially known online, "beta bucks". Recent data from Pew Research suggests that women are increasingly refusing to settle. Something I have noted myself in recent times, rather they would engage in polygamy with a high status male, have a child alone, adopt a pet or even engage in a same-sex relationship rather than date a man beneath them since we now also know from ONS and other data that young women outearn their male peers before they have a child thanks to affirmative action. The men telling other men to wait until their thirties before finding someone are leading men down a path of failure. The concept of men peaking their value and status by their mid to late thirties does not bear out for most men who lack experience and haven't been pre-selected by either many women in casual relationships or one woman in a long term relationship and most women are now higher in earnings and status than them. Anyone who says that women are happily settling in their thirties and beyond have not been paying attention for the last few years.
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  1420. Recruitment? Really? That is pretty much being rejected on a dating site, now that the definition is being extrapolated to a much wider range of men (moral panics do that to create fear and guarantee action from the baying mob). What the likes of the CCDH do not get is that the dynamics of online dating have changed dramatically, particularly in the last ten years. More men are now finding themselves disenfranchised from dating. Society places a value on men based on their success in attaining a relationship or success with women for casual acquaintances, probably the family friendly way of putting it. The idea here from the likes of feminists is that your low value and unattractiveness as a man makes women feel uncomfortable, threatened and uneasy which in itself is deemed misogynistic. You can be misogynistic without realising you are being misogynistic, in the same way race divisive ideologues claim that you can have white privilege without realising that you have white privilege. We also have a secondary problem, placing girls and women above men and boys in academia and the workplace, increasing the former's socio-economic status whilst harming the latter. As women in general do not find men attractive who are at a lower social status than themselves, we have, alongside the changes with online dating, a growing number of single, virgin men, the vast majority of whom don't even know what involuntary celibacy is, disenfranchised and now being denigrated as potential extremist terrorists by the media and eventually Parliament. Organisation? Who runs it? Who is their leader? A online message board or forum is NOT an organisation. I suspect the reason why single men are being miscategorised as an organisation is because it makes it easier to proscribe groups by law if they can be presented as an united organisation, to denigrate whole groups in the same manner as other terror organisations and to give the air of greater urgency that you could not do with a disorganised group or community. This might be why this video is getting heavily ratio'd. Completely out of their depth, a total lack of research and out of touch with reality. What are we going to do to hundreds of thousands of single men? And yes, I do say single men because a number of people and organisations do not just have an issue with involuntary celibates but bachelorhood as a whole, because of the value judgement I stated above. I fear single men are about to get the same treatment the unvaccinated are starting to get - scapegoating, segregation and ostracisation.
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  1561. No Government has ever used a historical emergency to push a political agenda? I live in a country where the Prime Minister has called for a "culture change" around masks. We have had 100 years to make this change but we waited until the Coronavirus before implementing this "change". Funny that. We're seeing the same rhetoric that we did twenty years ago, just that the phrase has changed from "if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" to "wear the damn mask or you hate granny". In a few parts of the USA, this is extending into your own home by recommendation or law. Which I am sure every mask advocate is doing not just outside their home but also in their own home, social media profile pictures and the like without hesitation and promptly. If not wearing a mask really is as deadly as claimed, shouldn't we be treating violators as assassins, not merely slapping them on the wrist with a fine? This is not for a month. Not even a few months. As was the case post 9/11 with new laws and measures implemented. We did not implement the Patriot Act for a month. We did not implement clear bottles on planes for a month. We did not invade countries to bring about regime change for a month. It will be permanent. Sold in the UK post vaccine as a way to protect the NHS in winter, told that viruses do not care if you are at home or not and promoted as the "new normal" to insure against future pandemics. I'm sure the same arguments will apply to the USA and other countries too. As was the case with civil liberties a couple of decades ago, freedom will be sacrificed for safety. Eventually, there will be an outcome from those who value safety as paramount - the conclusion of freedom - libertarianism as a political theory is analogous to the conclusion of communism in its implementation in reality.
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  1617. The problem with self-help gurus and commentators is that they aim for the highest bar. We're talking top tier of muscular strength, CEO, hottest partner and so forth in short time with easy sound-bytes and a claim of a guarantee of success if you do what they do. Except that will guarantee a 100% failure rate for the vast majority of men because it omits realistic expectations. But the alternative doesn't get clicks, subscribers and revenue. Worse still, they will sell you programmes that are designed to fail because you won't meet the goals they set which means they will blame you for your failure to succeed and up-sell more expensive programmes. The patio door is a realistic goal that will help you on the road to success. The equivalent advice from self-help gurus and commentators will be to buy a electronic powered door with a usher in your own self-built skyscraper. Unless you're a billionaire, it isn't realistically going to happen. Failure is a learning experience. The one thing is where the risk of failure is too great. I wouldn't fix my own gas boiler because my house would explode and I'd be breaking the law. Can't learn from your experience if the result is fatal. The reason why increasing numbers of men don't approach women now is because if a single woman feels distressed or offended by your approach or even your presence, you can be reported to the police. Failure there attracts you social media shame, a knock to your social status and potential consequences for your employment and even getting a criminal record. Failure won't be fatal here but it is life-changing and too much to lose if you approach the wrong woman. Same with marriage, increasing numbers of men are taking a logical risk vs reward judgement and are deciding that divorce is not worth the risk for the rewards they could acrue. The problem with advice nowadays is that it is too optimistic to the point of being delusional and is devoid of the realistic expectations of each individual which will be different based on a number of variables. There's a reason why Dr Jordan B. Peterson tells men to "clean their room" not "own the world" as their first step toward self-improvement.
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  1727. We have politicians and commentators saying we are at war. With who? If it were Putin, that would be seen as a declaration of war and a massive escalation. So if not him, who? The general public who dare use energy for heat and light? Small and medium size enterprises employing people and contributing to the economy? I've heard of predictions of over £7,000 bills for consumers for April 2023, a figure that was considered hyperbolic and unrealistic only a few weeks ago - and the predictions just keep rising - above £1 per kWh. It won't be long before we see the first £10,000 price cap prediction. The price cap is delaying the inevitable that is reality now for businesses. We're not at inflation busting water bills after the drought and sewage scandals, high interest rates, escalating rents, above inflation broadband and telecom bills, soaring public transport fares, massive food price rises, three or four day weeks, closure of national infrastructure such as the terrestrial broadcasting and communication networks and other consequences yet. And if we have a cold winter, all bets are off. Meanwhile Putin burns gas near the Finnish border to mock and belittle us while his citizens see inflation in Russia peak and decline. When Richard Tice who supports free market capitalism is suggesting force majeure and capping prices, it's serious. This is a cost of lockdown, cost of green and cost of Ukraine. Lack of backbone against authoritarians, lack of investment in vital infrastructure and a desire to virtue signal even if means destroying the living standards of their citizens. It makes me sick.
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  2129. They want to get rid of all the third party apps by making it so non-viable to operate in order to make themselves the exclusive avenue for the site... which then makes it far easier to paywall it for everyone. Twitter and YouTube are heading that way too. ETA: Based on the revenue per user now, if Reddit charged $4.99 a month for access, they'd only need 2.5% of current users to sub to break even. $5.99 = 2% of users. And so on. ETA2: The current situation with tech firms reminds me of what happened with both the UK satellite television industry and the mobile phone networks. Back in 1990 we had two competing satellite operators. Both stated publicly how many viewers each had. Until someone internal asked how much they were making. Turned out both were making big losses. And both realised that if they did not change tack and merge, they'd both be insolvent. So they merged and instead of focusing on numbers of viewers, quickly adopted a (near-)universal paywall, bought the live football rights and focused on average revenue per unit (ARPU). They're now the biggest pay TV company in the UK. In terms of the mobile phone networks, they also used to focus on numbers. Until the 2008 financial crisis. When they suddenly realised like the satellite television platforms that they need to focus on ARPU, not on customer numbers. So my phone network I was on sent an ultimatum to a number of subscribers who were not making enough money - pay double or leave. Many left but the company was now in better financial ground despite having less subscribers, they paid more. So much so the other networks followed suit. Basically, history never repeats but it rhymes.
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  2253. I'm now in my forties. I am older than your average viewer and hopefully I can pass on some anecdotal experience even if what I say may not be what people want to hear. Whatever social connections you have now, you will eventually lose them as they move away, start families and don't have time for you any more. And you can't escape the ravages of time and health. In terms of dating in middle age, it doesn't get better. Despite the claims of self-help gurus and life coaches where they tell you that if you go to the gym and look stylish, you can get endless twenty-one year olds when you hit thirty-five is not true unless you're rich (sugar daddy) or famous (Leonardo DiCaprio). What will likely happen if you try that will be the general reaction of "ew, gross" and others socially scalding you as large age gaps for most people still carry a social stigma. The reality is you'll likely in general (ie. not all) attract middle aged women whose expectations are so unrealistically high and have large body counts, are single mothers who will expect a step-dad, you to raise children who are not your own, who won't want any more kids or they are single women who have showstopping issues that make them unattractive to men. And chances are they'll have plentiful choice of men, orbiters and in terms of OnlyFans, it's far more considered as a method to make money than people would like to believe. There's a saying - "the juice is not worth the squeeze". Those who are worth dating met their partners in high school and by middle age have been married for a decade or two, have children and a stable household. Any who do end up single don't usually reach the dating apps, they find someone very quickly. And as your social connections dwindle, the prospects of finding someone through friends, peers and networks disappears and you're left to the mercy of what is now exclusively online dating. I personally quit dating in 2016 and never looked back. I was in an even worse position for numerous reasons - neuroatypical, poor social background, made homeless the second I left school, living independently from a very young age and so forth. Everything I have I had to work for from scratch (we also know from recent scientific studies that hard work is about 70% genetic, another blow to the blank slate self-help gurus and life coaches). People I know usually look in awe at where I am now and where I came from. As time has gone on, I have become more politically cynical and jaded as I look more into politics, human nature and dating. I detest how I was lied to by my family, peers and society as to the brutal truth of life. There's a reason why in the UK this video has been flagged by YouTube to contain a phone number for the Samaritans for people to call for help.
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