Comments by "Chris Cain" (@buffplums) on "5 Things To Know About Passive Suicidal Ideation" video.

  1. This guy is absolutely spot on for how I relate to this… I was surprised when he said though that some people may only have 1 depressive episode in their life…. My whole life seems one depressive episode … I do t even know the answer to the question at the end because for me, it is NORMAL a to be depressed. I do know something is certain,y missing in life and that is that need to feel loved… I know that people around me love me and would be devastated if I was to leave but from the way that people outside of my close family react to “ME” it seems c,war that they hate me or I just wind them up and yet I don’t choose to hate….. ok when someone pushes my buttons I may act in a vengeful manner but I choose for that to go and eventually that often dissipates but triggers can bring back the hatred and anger I have experienced. What’s most distressing is that THERE IS SIMPLY NO HOPE THERE IS NOONE THAT CAN HELP ME!!! in the U.K. we just pay lip service to MH a and in the NHS, as far as I have experienced is all you will get is 6 monthly 30 minute sessions were some guy or woman gives you this series of exercises that you have to work through…. How many times have I been to,d about the evolution of man and the part of central brain where the Fight and Flight system sits… every bloody so called specialist mentions this as if their f****g job is qualified by this statement… repeat it like f****g text book parrot fashion … but no therapist I have met actually understands what it’s like when pretty much most of my 59 years I have never lived to enjoy life… and even when potentially I can get excited like when I can afford to buy something I have wanted … Im then struck by guilt, why should I be so fortunate to have this when there are so many people in the world going without ? Apart from the shit in my life up to my late teens and the loss and rejection and the self abuse … I had radical Christianity added to the mix.. I don’t want to reject the value of a belief but I tried to give my all to that belief system, it cost me dear and yet I feel that belief system has spat me out but it won’t let me go … My life is fucked … I will never feel like I know what it’s like to be lived by a caring woman …my wife is a good person but I don’t deserve her but on the other hand I don’t know what it is, she does love me and I love her but it’s nothing like the love I thought that might have been… I guess she must feel the same way but it’s the choices I have made and I can’t change them… I have much to be grateful for but yet I struggle with everything and relationships and I feel I can’t give everyone the love and attention they need because I have nothing inside me… Is this just a huge echo chamber will there be a nurse, a Florence Nightingale who will come to me and save me? Im ready to be recycled
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