Comments by "" (@ronjon7942) on "Understanding EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT: the key to resilience" video.
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For 25-30 years, I would, seemingly randomly and for no reason whatsoever (especially given reasonable success, great upper middle class jobs and salaries and savings and retirement, home, albeit not a great marriage) would binge. Evidently, pretty hard. Years, months and months, then months of not even thinking of alcohol(ism), and then - bam! Another binge, out of the blue, the left me shaking my head saying ‘wtf, why?’
You answered my penchant for self destruction.
Long periods of numb neutrality, punctuated with anger and frustration. But I seem to be non-confrontational and yielding, and tend not to blame circumstances nor other people for my unhappiness. I wonder if my anger and frustration manifests as self-destructive behavior, which I express with what I know to relieve, or distract me from, the unsatisfying numbness - alcoholic bingeing.
It’s the best explanation I’ve heard, and it fits. Deep inside, I’ve known there’s a causal relationship, but this is the first time my behavior has been named. Now that I know it’s a psychological ‘thing,’ maybe I can fix it; something to talk to my therapist about, tomorrow.
Although I’ve started and stopped my entire life (so we’ll see), four days ago marks my 1 year sobriety date.
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