Comments by "CuteCatFaith" (@CuteCatFaith) on "Secular Talk"
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*****
Have you been married? Long term? It's an inherently flawed construct. One of the partners will change, or both will change, or worse, NEITHER will change. These realities and likelihoods can be properly considered and planned for, however. Marriage is primarily biological and economic in nature. In relationships of every type, humans use one another. Friendships, employment, parenthood, marriage, commerce, et c.
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I was homeless three times in the USA. My parents showed me the door when I was 18, was the first. The next two were due to divorce. I never qualified for benefits or help, and my child died as a result. I got fed up and expatriated when I was 37. Over here in France, it depends on where you live. I am outside Paris and this is traditionally the birthplace of communism and still communist. Generally. When shanty towns go up, they quickly get clean water and sanitary facilities brought in, but a lot of these people are here illegally and are actually a crime problem. It just cost us about 1000 USD to replace a missing stolen part from our car here -- it turned out to be the shantytown people here illegally in my area and they put their kids up to it, to crawl under cars and saw things out. There's no easy solution, and I've been on a waiting list since 2008 to get subsidized housing, which is typical (my spouse wants me out of here). My quality of life is way better over here in France, however, than it was in the USA, that is for sure, and it's sad never to see your friends, family or country again but I had to go. Legally, of course.
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ImSoPeeved
Yes, anything labeled "diet" or "light" or "lite" is to be avoided, I've found. That's a mean-spirited observation on my part about the coworker, but really, she turned out to be vicious. People buy "diet plans" and "diet foods" and truly don't seem to see they're just being sold stuff. I went on a diet which was horribly boring for five months and lost a great deal of weight. It was kind of just cucumber slices with vinegar on them and stuff, but it was all just normal food, I had to prepare it myself, it was very cheap. Just a boring diet, not a biggie. In nine years of working with her, she never got any thinner. Oh, well, hope springs eternal, y'know?
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I think people have a problem with the amount, that's all. It's not logical and it's unfair. That's like saying, almost, that an overweight person who fairly wins a sundae ought not to have it cuz they are already fat enough. I worked for 22 years declared in the USA and believe me, in Wall Street, you get pregnant and you kiss your career goodbye. Ditto over here in Europe for any "important" jobs. I remember talking to a very nice French man of Spanish ancestry (spoke no Spanish, though) who was mystified that his wife's career got lopped off because she had their two children. "She's a much better and more capable manager than I," he muttered, bewildered. "It's not fair," I said to him. "No, it isn't," he replied. We agreed. Nice man, very frank with me. I was forced to give up a career I loved for my first marriage in the USA. "Why work, I'm rich!" (K-Mart Corporation.) I eventually gave in. For all of his hell, I left quietly and got 8k USD. I was homeless, jobless in a horrible recession, he hadn't paid my basic health insurance, I didn't even have a bed. Nothing. I didn't want to end up feeding the fish so I just stayed away. Second spouse, 12 years of that BS and I owed him alimony in that state. Incredible. I said, take it all and sign this waver. House I bought and paid for, car paid for, bank accounts, my stuff, I need the mattress and a few thousand. I left, left the country. He kept demanding money and attention and stalked me over here in Europe. He meant business, too. There was nothing to be done for either of these. Oh, I have an inoperable hernia from a c-section, child did not survive. 1 billion is way less than half of his total net worth. So what? You don't know the reasons for the divorce. Anyway, it was judged.
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*****
That is excellent! When survivors don't have to worry about bills, they can be there, one hopes, out of desire to BE THERE.
I will never forget a Breton country French funeral in 1995, August, where I FIRST met my inlaws.
Three days of pagan rituals mixed with Christianity, and grandma dead at home to be visited for three days! Lots of Druidic stuff, herbs, a priest, holy water, like sitting Shiva, et c.
Right afterwards, I honed my French by listening to them complain about funeral costs, which really are not very flexible in this country. She also didn't fit out the door and had to be lifted out of the window, relatives cannot be pallbearers, et c. here. To her credit, she had not only arranged all her final expenses out of a minuscule, miserable peasant farmer income out of a lifetime as an early widow with many kids, but she left a small amount of extra cash to be given as small gifts. This was utterly commendable. The actual grief at her passing was still there, but there were no headaches other than the loss of the person.
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Tommy Latham
I remember at the French funeral for the grandmother matriarch I never met, a priest giving the eulogy was disapproved of by the family afterward because he said that the deceased had had health problems and had become reliant on others to care for her. This raised some indignation. I thought, well, as far as I can tell, the old woman was barely ambulatory in her last years and she lived with one of her sons and his wife, so what? It struck me as odd that such a small thing would be a bone of contention for family. Also, apparently her own sister had not been informed of her death nor invited to the long funeral, as she was old and in a nursing home and they either thought it would disturb her or they didn't want to bother with schlepping her over to the village. That, I think, was an error in judgment. When family members would die, the other family members had a habit of just not telling anyone, which did strike me as weird. That family hasn't acknowledged me since 2010 so today I am sending the remaining ones a cheerful French "January card" to remind them I am, indeed, still here, and they can kiss my American ass, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
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