Comments by "Maggie" (@maggie6152) on "HealthyGamerGG" channel.

Thank you JC and Thank you Dr. K for this extremely important video. I grew up in an abusive household and I became The Tank, defending my sister. I had an boy in high school English class that was the entire school's target. The teacher said he "kind of is asking for it" and that freaking mad me snap. I invited this kid to whatever lunch group I was in, I defended him in class, I witty quipped the bullies every time they started something to redirect their attention. This kid said during the class that I was the only good person in the class, and that made me feel better than anything. At that point, and still to this day, I believe that "all it takes is one". One friend. One supporter. One Teacher. Having even just that one person can completely change your life and allow you to survive through those 5 years.
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"Good enough" is your best friend and ally against perfectionism. Use it as a mantra, eat it for breakfast, say it in the mirror. You can also do a little exposure therapy and purposely get a few answers wrong on a test (still pass, though) or leave that "one last spot" dirty when you clean. My therapist has a saying: "B's get degrees" and because of my illness I've had to just let go on a few assignments and be ok with it. Also, get impatient! Say "I'm sick of working on this project, it's boring, I want to move on to the next thing! These are some things that have helped me. Still hard to start a music project or something else I'm passionate about because I genuinely WANT it to be super awesome, but yeah, progress is being made.
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Psychology as a field was created by men snd dominated by men until recently, and yes, research is poor on women thanks to a long history of sexism in healthcare and research. Very frustrating to deal with as a lady.
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My dad worked at a casino with the security systems. Apparently there was a slightly higher win rate at the slots by the doors so people coming in were more likely to see others winning. They could choose when a jackpot was won as well. Gambling is insane and predatory and it only gets worse when code is involved because you can hide EVERYTHING. Regarding the selling of items from boss drops, that's already against the rules in games if not against the law. That behavior gets you removed from the game by the devs or companies. Even with that, you KNOW what you are getting. It's not a hidden box with a hidden drop rate that advertising skewed the chances of you actually getting that rare drop. As to whether bosses with random drops should be banned, I would say no, as long as real money isn't involved. However, know that game developers and publishers ARE trained in and research psychological tactics to keep you playing, just like casinos. Keeping you playing is their number one goal and we don't have laws that protect consumers from being psychologically "hacked" by entities that only want your money. Be wary, especially if you have kids, and kids susceptible to addiction, because developers and publishers are getting better at figuring out how to get you addicted. Watch what your kid plays, research it, and make the decision whether or not they should play it. I went to a school specifically for game design and am still in the community of game devs. This is a topic that comes up often. There is a website called GameDeveloper (formerly known as Gama sutra) that has a lot of good articles about game development, monetary practices, and other industry news. It's a good way to educate yourself.
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I dont know that crossing your arms is default bullying. I do it when im thinking hard, to communicate displeasure, and because im cold lol. Very situational and needs context.
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Wow, what a quack. Hope you find a good one soon.
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I lived in a women's shelter for six months--i was the youngest at 28 and most were 40s, 50s, and older. The gossip and garbage from some of the women was DISGUSTING. I hid in the basement and still somehow made friends with almost everyone, probably by not participating in the gossip and bullying. 😂
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@itsLantik I actually was able to catch him before he became unstable or dangerous, but I could clearly see the potential for it if someone didn't step in right then. He was just a socially awkward, weird kid that tried too hard to fit in, and every attempt he made was met with ridicule, ostracization, and the worst bullying I had ever seen in a public setting. They TORTURED this kid until he snapped and got into trouble, just like in JC's story and they even stole his trombone, which I think was over a $1000! Filled me with rage! 😡 Actually, now that I think about it, I might have wound up punching someone before he did. 😆 I'm just glad I could help and give him that support and I hope his life has gotten much better, because he deserved it.
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I think...what I'm hearing in your statement is "give men girlfriend or men get violent", which...isn't a particularly positive spin on mens' emotional capacity and will almost universally get a negative response from women.
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You hate it but youve decided it's permanent instead of seeking help to change your views and process your trauma?
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Eh, i both do and dont disagree. I love teaching and understand some people just get screwed by life and dont know where to get started, but i have ZERO patience now for people who cant do even a basic google search on "how to clean an apartment" or "easy recipes" or other absolutely bare minimum adult skills. I have kind of a unique perspective though, as I'm disabled and i don't have as many ways to contribute to a relationship on an equal basis so teaching an eager student who is awesome in many other ways makes me feel like i truly bring value to the relationship. I get to live out my dream of being Yoda, and he gets to live out his dream of being Luke. 😂
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This is the first thing you've posted, Dr. K, that I have to HARD disagree on, and following this advice could be actively dangerous, ESPECIALLY for women. I agree that people in this online era have become too willing to bail on a relationship when the waters get rough, but you should not actively pursue red flags. This is what abusers tell people, and I'm confused by the blinders you seem to have put on in this video.
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I would encourage everyone watching this to send it to educators, education administration, and whatever school board you're familiar with. Parents too. Everyone should see this.
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Yeah, the hunt for a good one is an absolute pain, but the good one is very much worth it.
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Pfffft, I embraced the cringe and amplify it just to upset others lol
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Here's the thing, though: neglect IS abuse. While I understand where avoidant behaviors come from and empathise, the damage of not acknowledging you have a problem and getting it treated is very severe to others. I do not agree with calling wariness around people with behaviors that cause so much damage a stigma. This isn't like schizophrenia where the OVERWHELMING majority are harmless. These are behaviors that have quite seriously destroyed lives. I also think it encourages people to stay with relationships that are not healthy trying to "fix" someone who isn't willing to fix themselves. Our trauma is our own to fix; others can only assist, but we can't overburden or expect others to just deal with our crap because trauma put it there.
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@daunted232 I can almost guarantee the same reaction would be had if menstruation was shown in a game.
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For me, it's helpful to view that listening i do as extremely important and helpful, even if it doesnt solve the larger problem. A lot of that stress comes from feeling helpless in the face of someone's suffering and viewing things in this manner counteracts that.
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I like to say it's a 60/40 split between doing the work yourself and support from others. At least that's what I think for mental illness.
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Thank you. I needed to hear your story. I went to college for software engineering and wound up disabled and unable to work for the next 12 years. I just got my health well enough last year at age 34 and it often feels too late. The current political/economic instability is not helping that thought.
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Well, Dr. K's channel is oriented towards and focuses on a male audience. I'm not sure this is the place for that.
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Dr. K, i don't know what has happened in the past few months on your channel, but the comments and community is getting far, far more vitriolic and alarming than, say a year ago.
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Why didnt you find a different therapist along with looking for tools?
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 @Fropito That's called emotional neglect and can be just as, if not more damaging than physical neglect sometimes.
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Hard disagree. The major problem is men relying solely on their girlfriends for emotional comfort and safety. If you are not comfortable with the amount of emotional display, YOU need to communicate that YOU are not available for that kind of support, NOT that men should only open up to their girlfriends. You do not speak for me or millions of other women who support their guy friends.
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Thank God these aren't seen as a magic bullet anymore. Im so tired of hearing about serotonin. Now new medications will actually be incentivised. I'm "treatment resistant" and tried around 14 anti-depressants. One gave me tinnitus, one worked for a short time, one helped me more by the side effect of sleeping but i had to stop it for other side effects. I'm waiting for psilocybin to be approved by the FDA. Now if only they were looking for better alternatives to current day anti-anxiety meds and painkillers instead of just cutting people off who need them.
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Regarding the video with the music man and the police, I think a solution would lie in having social workers and police psychologists (the people who deal with hostage negotiations and more) stationed in police departments. We're basically trying to defuse the situation here to PREVENT crime and having these services readily available in case of an event like this would be very helpful. After researching a bit, I found that most police psychologists, otherwise known as forensic psychologists, are in private practices separate from police departments, which can cause a delay in help and make dealing with these types of lower key issues difficult. That's where social workers come in. In the US, we have such an extremely punitive view of the justice system and only a small number of areas are starting to tackle crime as a social and mental health issue and there is finally more talk about uniting the fields of social work and police work. This is imperative to prevent crime and "defuse the bomb before it explodes" and I hope would give social work a much higher station in the public eye. Right now, social work is a HORRIBLY under-valued, under-paid, under-staffed field and we DESPERATELY need social workers for our society to function on a basic level. Police just don't have the training an expertise to deal with many of these issues and while yes, police training can and should be adjusted and modified, they just cannot get the same expertise in psychology, negotiating, and services that the forensic psychologists and social workers have. Let the police be the shield and the psych and social be the "sword".
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Ooooooof. Yeah this is an interesting perspective and definitely something i lived through for decades. You have to be really, really careful with this though. Shutting down or "pretending" to be the failure without outside support can be very, very damaging. I had to do it for 10 years after i became disabled and dependent and sank into a terrible depression because i could never be honest or show myself. I was unable to feel anger or defend myself or FEEL like I could defend myself until about 8 months ago. I was dead inside. Also, sometimes the tactic Dr. K is talking about does not work all the time. Sometimes, they just want to bully someone, period, and showing that constant weakness can be equally dangerous. There is a balance to be struck.
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