Comments by "Elana Vital" (@ElanaVital83) on "MedCircle"
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My dad's a narcissist. He was also violent and got arrested for beating his mistress. He used the ideology of Christianity to manipulate us: "The Bible says I am the head of the house. Disobeying me is disobeying God"....but as for his own sins (beating us, getting drunk and violent, cheating on my mom) he would say : "The blood of Jesus washes away my sins. If you don't forgive and forget what I just did it's an affront and erasure to Jesus's sacrifice." He even made me do a Christian based curriculum called "The Roll of a Woman" to further brainwash me into unquestioning obedience. If he wanted my paycheck, I was to give it over without question. If he wanted my share of food, I was to go hungry and that's that. Once he even used my back as a foot stool as he watched television, to "teach me humility" and free me from a "spirit of rebellion ".
My mother always told me just agree with him and give him what he wants to make him happy. She told me it was the only way to keep peace.
When he drank he would enjoy any act of humiliation he could do. He was like a schoolyard bully: spit on my sister's glasses, knocking a cup of water out of my hand as a "joke", raiding our purses for cash, and anything he ever wanted was his, even if it was purchased with our own money.
I wasn't even allowed to have a diary. Having anything that was just mine (including an opinion of my own!) was "disobedience and deception, and not submitting to the authority of the head of the house."
I once tried to hide a notebook where I wrote about what it would be like to have a boy like me like highschoolkids in the movies (nobody ever dated me. I was homeschooled and didn'teven know any boys. Plus I wasn'tallowed). My parents found it and I was punished for keeping the notebook secret. I wasn't even allowed to have my own daydreams.
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I think my sister might have this. When we were kids, my dad was abusive and violent. So we both used to have panic attacks. I believed hers were real because hey, I got them, too.
But one day I actually witnessed her lying about it: Mom wanted her to do dishes or something and called her downstairs, and she was in the middle of tweezing her eyebrows. So she suddenly stopped tweezing, started crying and told Mom: "I was dead asleep and you scared me into a panic attack!!"
So my Mom apologized and coddled her, and she got out of doing the dishes.
I was no rat, but I was mind blown she would straight up lie like that! Right in front of me: with the TV on, sitting on the bed, plucking at her face! She wasn't asleep!
So I sheepishly waited till Mom was gone and said: "But...you weren't asleep. You were tweezing your eyebrows."
She suddenly lunged at me and starts pounding on my head, telling me I'm insane, a liar, and "Why would I believe you, you're crazy and talk to yourself!"
I fought back (and ripped out a chunk of her hair😈) but even when Mom came back running to break us up, I didn't snitch.
Years later, my sister is 43 and saying she had: Cancer, Fibromyalgia, and now it's Lupus. She's prone to changing her story, too:
First she said it was uterine cancer, then she said "It was only a cyst", then announced on Facebook she was POSITIVE for cancer, but when I asked her about it says "I never said I had cancer, you're crazy."
Then it was Fibro. She got a cane and a wheel chair. It really scared everyone. But then we go on a trip to NYC where we walked all over and she suddenly doesn't need a cane or a wheelchair.
Then she recently announced she has Lupus.
And I can't bring myself to believe her. Aside from the weird health stuff, she's also scammed me out of thousands of dollars over the years.
The thing that throws me for a loop is when she pretends she never said a thing.
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I'm not sure if my sister really is narcissistic or not. It was worse when we were kids. There would be times when she would protect me from my abusive dad. And I'd feel better. But other times...it was like she was mimicking him. It was almost like she wasn't sure if she wanted to be like him or not, and was consciously trying it out. She was always super jealous and insecure with EVERYTHING, to the point where she'd get catty with other girls and I'd be embarrassed by her meanness. In the teen years it was worst of all: she took the term "mean girls" to a whole new level. She'd call me fat, say Idea never have a boyfriend, get jealous of anything that I ever achieved to the point that I was inclined to hide my talents just so she'd not feel threatened. She'd gaslight me, lie, steal my money, assaluted me once by bloodying my throat, and acted just like Dad. But then she'd have these moments of self awareness and seem remorseful. To the point where one day she was drunk and crying and said she knew she was a bad sister to me, and she didn't know what made her act like that.
She changed after joining the army and having kids. She lost a lot of her meanness, but every now and then she'll have an irrational freakout. Just recently she was upset at me about an opinion that I had about a movie I disliked...she never much like me to have ideas of my own. I finally told her that she seriously needs to grow up. Imagine getting so worked up over someone not liking a movie! She later stated that whenever I had an opinion about something she felt like I was under handedly sending some sort of secret messages to her that I thought I was better than her somehow.
I can't understand how she'd get that when my opinion of the film had nothing to do with her at all! The last time she bloodied my throat was over a similar situation: I disliked a particular actor I saw on TV, mentioning that he was overrated.
That whole argument resulted in her slashing at my throat, telling me that I'll never be allowed to see my niece, amd locking me out of the house for six hours. Because I said an actor on TV was overrated.
And then she cries and apologizes and seems not to understand why she acts the way she does, and I WANT to forgive her. But is this narcissism? She seems to have empathy a lot of the time.
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