Comments by "Psiberzerker" (@Psiberzerker) on "The Onion" channel.

  1. "He's not, it's obviously a dog thing." Truer words were never spoken.
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  2. In other news, Aderall is not a cure for Depression.
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  3. I'm just going to make up for this, by commenting on her looks, and her age, unironically.
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  4. If you're going to do it, might as well satire that, too. Beautifully done.
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  5. Ask him to help you open a jar, then talk about how strong he is. This gets me every time. Great advice. Why I keep a jar of peanut-butter (Creamy, not chunky) bye the bed.
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  6. Honestly, the best wedding I ever went to was a couple gay bikers. Just saying. 3 kegs: "One over here, one over there, and one over there so there ain't no line." Guiness, Bud Light, and Warsteiner.
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  7. Not to mention avoiding the dome, and the sun inside it. Without any Greenhouse effect. (But seriously, I've talked to flat Earthers who've sent me a model, where the sun is inside an indestructible dome. "Without any greenhouse effect." Look at that model, it's literally a greenhouse. It should be easier to believe in the greenhouse effect if your worldview is a literal greenhouse.)
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  8. It satirizes several things, but the very concept of a "Mom-stick" at least implies a certain type of helicopter mom, she kind-of alluded to in the "What your mom stick says about you." The ones that over-think every interaction with their children, for fear that if they don't get them that Etch-a-Sketch, they might turn out a serial killer (Another Onion I just watched) but at the same time, if they don't poke them with a stick, they'll never amount to anything/waste their potential. You know the ones, that try to force all their children to be "Gifted?" There's not really a market here, because honestly, the ultimate accessory for this type of mom is a gifted child prodigy.
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  9.  @kristophertadlock779  LOL, I've heard that too. "Fish eye lens." What's really interesting is how it doesn't distort the ground, while you're on the ground. It slowly distorts it, as you go up in altitude. IDK whether they have some bifocal windows on planes, or holographic technology to make it do that.
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  10. OMG, he's so cute!
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  11. The real hard part is creating all those unseasonal storms. Somehow, I don't know how they do it.
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  12. Up next, former friends sick of pandering. Then later, hipster newlyweds file for divorce.
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  13. Uhm, send Trump hats!
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  14.  @Ben-rz9cf  Just don't fly too far south? That doesn't sound like "Special training." There's nothing down there to see. Even the penguins go there to breed, because it's too boring for most Predators. The real trick is getting people to forget their last sunset.
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  15. Am I the only one who paused it at 1:41 to see what was hidden in the background? I'm not paranoid, that's just what they call me behind my back.
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  16. Rule #43.
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  17. This warmed me, not to the cockles of my heart, but around the sub-cockle region.
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  18. 28th Amendment of the Constitution: "The 1st, 5th-through-8th, and 19th amendments shall be applied equally to all citizens of the United States, and incorporated territories, except for Tom Becker. What a douche."
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  19.  @Ektalon  Yeah, you'd think that if they were trying secretly to poison us, they'd come up with something less obvious than sky writing over populated areas, in broad daylight. It's genius, hiding it in plane sight, and 30,000' overhead.
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  20. I love that sweater.
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  21. Also, suck your thumb, so he doesn't try to put it in the wrong end. (It's also cute.)
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  22. No real surprise there. #Pravda
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  23. I know, i got a new car for my first date. (Probably because I went out with Bob Barker.)
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  24. This one's easy. Everyone's wrong. You think you're right, but you're wrong about that too.
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  25. The most important thing is choosing a name they will be teased for in middle school, but not too much, and then they can stop being teased when they become Sophomores (Maybe Juniors if they're not gifted.) in High School. Giving a girl a name with a boy's name for short like Melanie (Mel) Samantha (Sam) and a short haircut helps fosters rumors that she might be a lesbian, so she's more popular with boys when they grow pubic hair.
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  26. Maureen is one of my favorites, because not only is "Mo" cute, but it also sounds like "Marine" which is low-key butch.
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  27. Web Videos...
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  28. "Well, actually;" If I have to explain the joke, it ruins the joke. Come on, guys, it's The Onion. Grow a fucking sense of humor.
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  29. Homosexuals are not the only ones left untouched by war. There's also children.
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  30. Now I've got "I want to take you higher" stuck in my head. #ThanksObama.
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  31. I'm not even on there. :(
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  32. Where do I get boneless potatoes?
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  33. She put the mother in smotherhood, then moved the S, so nobody would notice, and added a U.
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  34. Catcalling really helps morale, so they should have provided a cheerleader to just walk past the windows of the test area twice a day.
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  35.  @marcblank3036  Altitude doesn't make you burn way more fuel. Changes in speed, and altitude do. That's why aircraft have a cruising altitude (The air is not only drag, but also lift, and mixed with fuel in the engine) to keep the speed Consistent, though they may have to change their cruising altitude because of airspeed (The Jet-Stream) the Himalayas... Air Quality is a factor as well.
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  36. I love the mauve berets.
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  37. So, what about Antichrist? (2009) Is that okay for children to watch?
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  38.  @Ingrid922  Have you seen it?
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  39. This just in: WE'RE MAMMALS! This would be a lot funnier if there weren't people who're actually convinced that a child can be traumatized by the sight of a nipple, and it's so disgusting that they have to get up from the table at a restaurant to feed their child in the restroom. For public decency. We can't make this shit up.
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  40. Wow, this is exactly how I felt when I found out there were 2 of them.
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  41. IK, this is the third. That's what I was saying, the mere existence of the second one being made into a movie felt like the Jiggsaw Killer, fucking with me. I knew they were going for the treacke sequel trillogy trifecta, but the first one wasn't bad enough, for someone?
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  42. That heirloom one is awesome. My Gran's didn't have the veil on it, but that makes it so much more practical, I might think.
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