Comments by "Mighty One" (@mightyone3737) on "Late Night with Seth Meyers" channel.

  1. Twice divorced, his third wife slaps his hand away, and he's personally the most unpopular president in living memory, yet is arguing that a man who's brand is being liked and trusted is disliked?? This is the kind of lie that's just pathological, it doesn't have a shred of reality and is pointless.
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  2. 1) We've never heard trump actually laugh 2) Kamala has a delightful laugh.
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  3. She is hilarious, such a great energy bouncing back and forth here
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  4. I definitely loved Tragic Kingdom in high school, stuff like I'm Just a Girl speaks to not just girls, but how the establishment/patriarchy keeps all of us down. Was not really there for the non-punk stuff, but that's fine, lots of people were. I don't like artists that don't change over time, even if I don't love their new stuff, I can always enjoy what they already made.
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  5. He also said Bolton, who was 'so tough he got us into Iraq' (which Trump considers bad), and follows this up with claims that HE WASN'T TOUGH ENOUGH... as in, if it wasn't for Bolton, Trump would have started MORE IRAQS. Which he claims were bad. This man should be forced to give a 20 minute speech with no teleprompter, I don't believe he can follow cue cards.
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  6.  @kinsmed  Why do people always try to play women against one another?? Sheesh. Both can be great.
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  7. Just curious, but did anyone ever figure out why ted cruz is so persecuted? He famously asked I mean.
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  8. I also feel serious Astley vibes when he's got the sunglasses on. But yes, without, he's definitely 3 kids. Edit: Wow, someone beat me to that?!
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  9.  @None-lx8kj  I think it's not even that deep, he fetishizes the idea of having it as a fetish, of being that manly.
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  10. IIRC, you just have to sing a proper sea chanty on air to get rid of the Sea Captain forever, that puts him to rest.
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  11. I even double checked, and Mighty Google itself deigns to agree with us. Big Bird is a Muppet, it's just huge.
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  12. Back before the internet, when America had Ripley's Believe It Or Not for entertainment, they did feature 'lewd vegetables', which were fairly popular I understand. Some got pretty racy! Nice to know that people stay the same, despite wild changes in medium, the message remains disturbingly similar.
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  13. Now I'm going to have to devote some brain cells to writing ACTUAL Jackal Editions (Jack Editions? did we decide that was officially a non-animal flub?) of classic literature, and it will be my LEGACY!
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  14. My Opa loved having carpet in the bathroom, he wanted it everywhere in the house.
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  15. Make that 'trump is a tape-worm that dreams of living in putin's ass' and I think we've got a winner
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  16. I think the key to Seth's point is actually that Marley is being explicitly punished in the afterlife, and that's exactly why it would be roy, that's someone trump idolized/worshipped that died because he was an evil hypocrite, and trump has publicly stated that he misses roy still (well, he would still if he still remembered him but at this point it's like asking him what colour the sky is, even if he gets it right once in awhile it's just coincidence).
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  17. I'm not lying when I say I was looking forward to Kamala Harris making a major contribution to the Biden presidency, but she seems almost cloistered away, we hear so little about her. I guess after the circus that was the trump regime (where everyone was an incompetent showman/conman that wanted to be noticed/respected, because most these people were already disliked outcasts) a normal VP is going to feel invisible, the norm is for them to not be very active. If the options are 'overly visible and very obnoxious pence' or someone more traditional, if not very visible, I'll take the less visible. Honestly, at this point things aren't that ambiguous anymore, the republicans are embracing open racism in the lead up to the midterms, a thing that feels almost unprecedented in US history (not quite, but politicians haven't been this openly racist in my lifetime, and I'm not that young), it's no longer a question of simply 'left vs right', it's become 'delusional racist demagoguery vs a party that is actually trying to govern, even if they have profound corruption issues coupled and are still dominated by an establishment that keeps the progressives at the kids table whenever there is a discussion, though with inflation at least the Biden admin has had to swing a tad left of 'distinctly right of center', because things like legal abortion and marijuana are extremely popular, even among people who don't intend to take advantage of those things. In contrast to the liberals wanting to give rights to people, we have the conservatives who have literally taken away women's rights, and are fighting to take even more, this is very much a 'not really good vs pretty openly evil' scenario.
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  18. I feel like Amber handled this very well, possibly too politely/kindly.
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  19. It's actually not just China, he's starting them with lots of major trading partners, and they each are a blow to the world's economy, and ironically, each one actually weakens the US's position. If the Republicans were smarter, they would have done that over 2 or more terms. Taking on everyone at once, even if the whole world largely is cooperative is going to leave you with long term problems, and this strengthens China and the EU mostly, even with the insanity of the English, forcing the UK to leave the EU. The US has lost global esteem, and it will be a challenge to rebuild, because how can other countries trust that the US won't just elect another Trump-like President? Trump is a bad economic President IMHO, and I'm not unusual in thinking this. Propping things up by reducing interest rates is a very dangerous strategy, leaving very few options when things inevitably take a turn for the worse. If the next President isn't extremely competent, the US and probably the world will be facing a huge recession, if not a depression because of these policies.
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  20. Offspring has a great song from their later years, 'You're Gonna Go Far Kid', the chorus of which could very easily be turned into "Now couch fucker vance, he never stood a chance", and I feel like someone should know this? Beyond my hivemind?
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  21. "It was a rough six years Seth, what can I say?"
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  22.  @Molteniceee  I just can't see Mulaney with a cigar though, it seems too out of character.
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  23. I don't gamble, but I think it's a winning bet that trump was given the book to read by his father while he was pretty young, and it might be one of the very, very few books trump has ever read. Also, the phrase is pretty nearly gibberish in English, so the only way he could come upon it is by reading a German translation, or by having speech writers that lifted it from hitler, it's just not a phrase we use.
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  24. We have an irrigation box (one of those durable plastic 'boxes' with a lid that's buried so it's level with the ground), and it has a whole bunch of snakes in it. It's amazing, and it also deters pests! We get some decently big snakes out here sometimes, but you have to go to the freaky swamp to find rattlesnakes iirc. Also, I think snakes make a ball when they mate? isn't that where 'tie the knot' comes from (that was for the Jackals)?
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  25. It's a hell of a lot smarter than trying to overpower a gator, even a small one can be dangerous as heck.
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  26. I feel like if the strike ends and we haven't all died of old age/mass starvation because we restricted how much light hits earth instead of reducing emissions then I wonder if you could trick John Oliver into hosting Corrections for one week? Maybe a bonus episode? I hear he's really good at getting Emmy's (or whatever they call them? I don't follow stuff like that and happily forget it all immediately after it's done), a thing some people may or may not care about. He might ruin everyone's night though!
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  27. It's usually retired farmers, or nearly retired ones that go in for coffee and conversation in the early morning, but active farmers might meet later on, when they're ready to take a break and talk. Also, Seth, do you want me to build you an Elder Dragon Highlander deck around Jackals? The type isn't supported, but if you tell people it's a 4 they'll get the idea. Games are more fun with bad cards anyways! As much say? I would like to think I have a little more pull around there...
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  28. It was a great show, and while I'm openly horrified that they're going to try to make more seasons, I have no idea how it'll actually work. I think Shogun was the only thing I've seen Anna Sawai in, but she really stole the show, it's hard to argue that anyone else is the main character by the time you're finished, the others are pieces in her story.
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  29. Technically it was God letting the Devil play The Sims, God just sat back and watched while the Devil epically messed with Job's life, and Job never wavered much.
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  30. I spend the freezing Canadian winters layering sweaters (and wearing lined jeans with wool socks), but I usually wear button up shirts of some sort. I used to be fine wearing a tee-shirt and vest for most of the winter in a colder part of Canada when growing up, but slightly skinnier me doesn't like the freezing temperatures as much. I also had more hair on my head back then, that probably helped insulate things a bit too I suppose, but yeah, -10 is cold AF, don't talk to me about -20 or worse if we're in a high humidity/wind area.
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  31. When I took a school trip in high school to the big city (well, Toronto is a VERY big city if your school is in a town of maybe 3k people and literally has cows next door) my classmates abandoned me when I bought a CD (I guess they didn't like Queens of the Stone Age? I mean, it was Songs for the Deaf, a true classic album), so I had to, on the spot, figure out the subway system well enough to get to the correct stop... luckily I got it right! You'd think people would notice it when the loud 6'2 guy is suddenly not there, but nope, everyone just goes about their business. I think there is a lesson there, something about not being as well liked as I thought?
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  32. It really was an embarrassment to the country having trump get this much support.
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  33. The pasta mom should have replied '...are you sure you iguana know?', and you should have been pelted with food that's too old to eat for saying it.
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  34. I think this was worth the wait in Canada. Also, love the outfits, the writers look great!
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  35. Since bieber is called 'the beibs' maybe we could start calling Bublé 'the Bubs' (pronounced 'the boobs' naturally, I feel like I need to spell this out for people)? Surely Seth could use his platform to make an important thing like this happen?
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  36. It's really, really dumb to barf in the tub? I know they're students, but can't they explain to people during the orientation 'puke outside on dirt/grass, or in a toilet, or if you're incredibly desperate the garbage, do NOT puke in a sink or bathtub!', they know they're going to drink stupidly because our society doesn't believe in educating people about how to manage alcohol use (until it's mostly too late). I did some old timey lumberjack workouts in our tiny forest, we had lots of dead white ash trees, so there was tons to do. Not many things are as badass as chopping down a huge hardwood with a sword that looks like it's from an anime!
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  37. I could see Mozart being brilliant enough to have foreseen drake, and that'd he'd turn out to be a ginormous (yet weirdly thin) tool, and written a dis track in preparation.
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  38. "Do it again, this time in stilts!"
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  39. It's great how the right has devolved into accusing biden of doing everything we're witnessing trump do. It's like scapegoating, only much, much dumber, it's like if you take the 'don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining' chestnut and threw in 'it's not me peeing on your leg, it's biden, he's just pretending to stand over there to look less suspicious!' and it turns out 20% of voters will reliably fall for it, because they just want to hate biden without rhyme or reason. When you've radicalized your base, you can make up anything and a significant number of them will believe it, and many more will be happy to pretend it's true if it furthers racism/sexism/societal oppression of sexual minorities. We're in the stupid era because the billionaires sabotaged our education system and used the illusion of choice in our media diet to brainwash us instead.
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  40. I found it hilarious how the network hacked apart that trump clip to make it look like he didn't come incredibly close to faceplanting, and then claims he 'jumped into a garbage truck' when he nearly died in front of us, on camera.
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  41. Is Candy Jesus the guy who can turn water into Kool-Aid, he just needs a little packet to do it? He's pretty popular.
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  42. I think it'd be pretty cool if you had Nathan Lane on Day Drinking, just make sure he doesn't hit it too hard! Also, maybe later have Nathan Lane and Dua Lipa on together? I think everyone would enjoy that.
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  43. I don't take vacations anymore unless it's something incredibly important, I have a greenhouse and while it's not as time sensitive as most livestock, plants need attention on the regular. The last 2 vacations I took were a big chunk apart, and both were to babysit my nieces. Technically that's exactly the kind of vacation I actually need, forcing me to take an extended break from my bad habits AND force me to deal with other people, two things I hate doing but always need to do more of. Hilarious guest!
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  44. I appreciate that youtube didn't even spell 'laughin' wrong, like trump carefully spelled out for us. Such a stable genius thing to do! Technically unless you've been with Hairball (vance) his entire life you can't technically say with certainty that he didn't have sectional relations with one or more couches. I remember predicting that trump's political career would end with him flinging his own feces at a crowd of his supporters while ranting incoherently... I now wish I could have gotten odds for that, because that's looking like a better bet all the time! It's incredible to watch the media DESPERATELY try to spin this all to protect trump, I know they are employees and have no input as to what they say/write etc anymore (they just do what their billionaire bosses tell them), but is it too much to ask that they just report honestly on both sides?? By almost any metric trump's debate performance was much worse than Biden's, but he was on enough stims that he seemed more awake, yet the media couldn't shut up about Biden's performance when the other guy lied the entire time, and wasn't especially coherent while lying. Who cares if Biden had a hoarse throat, trump gave non-answer after non-answer and the media just presents it's underbelly.
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  45. If they deregulate a food product, it's usually so companies can considerably slash costs by using much cheaper (and almost always much worse) ingredients. It's like environmental regulations that way, and it's the same people who dislike both, and for the same reason, they cost them money.
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  46. Good news! It's just a convoy of loaded gravel trucks!
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  47. The closer we get to the election the more trump reminds me of a walrus; he's loud, dumb, non-skin coloured, waves his arms around as the sole proof of his positions and he's a proven rapist who thinks that means he's 'tough and manly', all core traits of walri (is it walri? I dunno, I don't want to say 'walruses' because it sounds stupid). If trump starts growing whiskers I'm putting money on him changing to grey paint over orange....
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  48. Not going to lie, but I'm excited that Karen was in the thumbnail, she always has such great jokes! Welp, we got there, must say, that isn't the most Karen of jokes, but it did have a wallaby so idk, probably fine? It suffers from 'must be explained', this is clearly an issue of Karen being too smart for the audience. Maybe if she said 'it's how Welsh people say...'? Welsh people have a weird language going on, lots of letters that don't go together traditionally are common pairings, short of going to a small British island you're not going to find a thicker accent in the UK afaik.
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  49. I can only assume that this trump plan is a combination of him having heard that NFTs were an exposed scam that only idiots still fall for, and that the leading customizable card game was being grumped at by Bank of America or somebody for overprinting their cards (which they aren't doing, but that's besides the point), trump's ideas are always a combination of several things that are already proven to be bad ideas, and he Dr. Frankenstein's them together into a new, even worse idea. Just look at all of his businesses, and they're all built on this principle, and it's very clear why he's often calld a dim-witted failure.
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  50. I remember when I actually lost a lot of weight, how awkward it would be when someone wanted to talk about it. I didn't mind giving advice, stuff that had helped me, but when you actually lose a lot of weight you realize that it's not what it's made out to be. It's not really hard to be very skinny (even if you're biologically meant to be quite large), it just eats up a lot of your time, meaning poor people can't do it, but rich people can easily spend hours a day improving their body composition. It's hilarious that trump would brag openly about losing such a paltry amount of weight, especially on a body so corpulent (he could easily lose that much in a week or two with dietary restriction, but he has no self control and can't do that), it'd be nice if he'd just say 'I'm on all of the ozempic they could fit in my fat ass' and be done with it, but then he'd be telling the truth and his tiny head would explode (ever consider that he has that stupid hair to make it look like he doesn't have a tiny head?). It wasn't just the dumb electoral college, it was pretty much a perfect storm for a dumb populist to win 2016, the US was coming off 2 Dem terms, the Dems put forth perhaps their least electable candidate, the repubs had a huge field of entirely dead wood in it's primary, the media gave trump endless free air time and normalized him to the ends of the earth, and finally the FBI showed it's true colours and publicly announced a sham investigation into 'hillary's emails' almost immediately before the election. Some similar efforts have been made for this election (biden isn't a very strong candidate, in part because the media treats him terribly, similar mostly terrible candidates competing in the primary for example), but I don't think trump will be able to overcome how incredibly unpopular he is with the majority of Americans, and while people don't want to vote for biden, it seems likely that they will hold their nose out of disgust for what trump represents and vote against trump in record numbers once again. The thing here is that trump can't afford to lose anyone since most people still hate him.
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  51. Would you use egg whites to try to make a hot chocolate mousse? Honest question from a guy who's fried an egg once.
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  52. I usually have a pretty reliable memory, but I still remember (ha) one night I had been drinking before I went to bed. When I went to bed I (for no reason) got out of bed and listened to a song I didn't know, and then went right back to bed. It took me quite a few months before I remembered getting up to listen to the song, until then it was just a mystery about who had listened to it! Substances really can mess with your ability to form new memories, it's unfortunate that the legal system's only interest in this fact is to try to absolve men of consequences 'because they were drunk'.
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  53. I liked Karen's whale joke, it's beauty is it's simplicity (or something?).
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  54. Just saying, but all of the impressions were pretty good today, as was the bit where Seth puts on his teachin' cap and helps a writer learn how to be funnier, makes me think of teachers that pick on the duller kids, but in a feels-good way.
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  55. I'm pretty sure that if you run out of Triple Sec, you can use tangerine juice and it won't be terrible. I've used orange juice as part of margaritas before, desperate times call for this sacrifice.
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  56. My issue with saying emu correctly is that 'ee-moo' sounds more ridiculous, but we always call them emus here in Canada. Lots of Canadian households actually use Fahrenheit for indoor temperatures for no discernable reason, a whole degree in Celsius is really a big difference, indoors you want more precision.
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  57. Old church art is actually pretty weird, things like perspective and scale all had special meanings/implications, so Jesus being huge was probably normal for the time, much like we all used to like rockabilly.
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  58. I am compromised, but she seems quite delightful!
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  59. I look forward to the gop reacting to losing due to being too far right by moving even further right. It's like having a party that is obsessed with obsequiously serving billionaires is bad for everyone not a useless money-sponge.
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  60. I think I understand Seth, everyone wants Horse Pudding to be available, but nobody should be looking inside the Horse Pudding Factory. It's like sausage, only they use even more of the horse!
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  61. It's nice seeing two people have this great of a time, especially when they're making us laugh!
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  62. ...He actually thinks he beat Obama? Does he do nothing but smoke crack while not rambling and gesticulating wildly in front of crowds? How is he deteriorating this fast? How much worse is he than reagan's was when he ran again (and won, because the US likes a dumb showman above all things)? All important questions that nobody will find out the answer to!
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  63. I feel like their was a story about Biden and some rough customer (Cornpop?) at a pool? Surely as a security guard at a pool he knew how to swim decently?
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  64. Food that's too old? ha. I once had some cheese that I bought while in university (and was shockingly stingy), and each time I ate it, it gave me a horrible stomach ache/loose bowels. Anyways, I think it took me eating it 3 times, with 1 of them when I was already pretty sure it was the cheese, for me to just throw the cheese away. It was not a good day, because it was tasty cheese, but my god, that was unpleasant. BACK TO YOU! But seriously, iirc, I roasted some squash in a slow cooker, filled it with rice, probably added some water and spices, then topped it with the cheese. It was utterly fantastic, it was probably baby orange Hubbard, damn it was good, and back then I adored meat, so this was a weird meal. I don't remember adding much water, but I can't see how the recipe would work without it (though the squash would give a bunch, and the cheese would help keep it in).
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  65. A merciless evisceration of an oh so worthy target.
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  66. Oh my fucking goodness, cruz, you can't say 'wages are being driven down' when your party is desperately fighting to keep the minimum wage well below the poverty line.
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  67. Seth, I think we'll take what we can get, jackals can't be choosers, right? The only hand you can bite is the one that's feeding you, that's why we're jackals.
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  68. Not just sleeping with, paying to sleep with and crossing state lines with them. It's almost impossible to believe, but gaetz is actually even dumber than he looks! Also, who brags about needing ED meds to bang hookers while they're in their 30s?? I ask in all honesty, does gaetz not understand the concept of shame? Does he have a humiliation kink that he hasn't discovered yet, so keeps making himself look terrible in public? Also possible, he's gay and the only way he can physically have sex with girls is to use lots of ED meds and stimulants, but unfortunately for him he can't psychologically deal with the facts so he kept doing that until he got unhappily married (because he was embarrassing himself and his dad).
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  69. The Idol was famously so unsexy that people openly speculated that none of the people had ever had sex. It had nerdy virgin energy, and not the 'cool nerd' stuff we have now, the awkward rapey nerds of Revenge of the Nerds kinda nerdy virgin energy.
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  70. I'm sure it's covered by someone, but you wouldn't use an X-ray machine to do brain scans because they are best for studying dense tissue underneath flesh, not so much for low density flesh underneath some of your densest bone. You can probably tell 'something' would be in there, but you'd use an MRI or CATSCAN if you wanted to get a good look at a brain.
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  71. I'd be more interested in reality TV if it featured more feats of brute strength, like having to split wood with a giant axe. I welded up a 3.x great axe that I use to split firewood (I also chopped a tree down with it, though not a big one), it's 5ft long and in total weighs 20lbs. I think many people would injure themselves if they tried to use it, but it's not THAT heavy, it's just more than twice as awkward as a standard 12lb sledge (which is already laughably awkward to most grown men).
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  72. That was one HELL of a Freudian slip... trump really is constantly trying to deflect from his cognitive impairments, especially as they've gotten even worse with age. I think you could have argued that watching trump try to finish a sentence is like watching a 3 legged dog try to walk across a balance beam, or perhaps one of those dogs with the wheels for the back legs, a regular dog could do the job far too well. I really hope trump takes after capone, especially the happy ending for everyone! Who knew syphilis could be the good guy, right?
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  73. Let me get this straight: would Seth turn down lasagna made with pot? because I'm celiac, and I might not, as long as it's good lasagna.
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  74. ​ @kumbaya69421 all your points are both wrong and stupid, the complaint about biden jokes was that they are generic 'old person' jokes, trump jokes are always about incredibly stupid (and embarrassingly childish) things he actually does, or are jabs about his appearance because of how vain/insecure trump is. I hope some day you grow wise enough to understand that trump wouldn't piss on a fire to save an orphanage, and that he hates all his supporters.
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  75. I find it way more acceptable to laugh at cokeheads than I do people who are addicted to poverty drugs... it's almost like there's a double standard, where if you're a horrible person who exploits others AND bogarts all the coke then I hate you? In contrast poor people's addictions are brutally criminalized despite cokeheads causing way more problems for society (because they have so much money and power), so laughing at crack users when the issue is systemic oppression seems pretty shitty.
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  76. I thought most children knew what the 'A' was for? I mean it's one thing to not read enough books, it's another to be blind to mainstream culture because you're so invested in accruing power at any cost.
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  77. I used to drink Colt 45 when I was in university... I then became gluten intolerant, surely that's a coincidence?
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  78. I would be Kristen Stewart's best friend fwiw, she seems so cool!
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  79. I will say, drinking more than 1 or 2 shots at a time is usually a good way to have a bad time, especially if the shot is more than 1 drink. Also, if people don't want to drink alcohol have them eat a huge edible an hour before they come on, problem solved! An edible is safer/easier on the liver than a bunch of shots!
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  80. What were the people doing? I'm gonna guess the Charleston
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  81. I could literally sit crosslegged on pool water when I was in grade 9. It was absurd. Fortunately nobody tried to burn me at the stake (or burn my steak!).
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  82. I heard Disney didn't have drinking at the parks because when they visited parks in countries where it was legal they'd be going along with it and then someone would puke on them and they'd be all 'nope!'.
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  83. Does Seth Mayer play Magic cards? If so I bet he's really cool.
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  84. Also literally everyone loves ice-cream, even the soft stuff isn't exactly bad, even if it's not fancy rock-solid scooped ice-cream, the kind with chunks of delicious stuff in it! Even so-so ice-cream is still ICE-CREAM, a thing WE ALL SCREAM FOR. Wtf is wrong with fox??
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  85. It's nice that the Catholics have come out in favor of us not going extinct, but I'm pretty sure we're already officially screwed, it's like deciding that you don't actually want to hook up with a girl after she gives birth. We're in a new world because we've disrupted the existing climate systems that perpetuated our existence, meaning that even if we stop emitting carbon it won't matter because nature is already disrupted sufficiently that it cannot correct back to 'what was', we're going to lose most if not all glaciers and most if not all deserts will grow larger and hotter, and we will lose species that are adapted to having winters (which tend to be in very dense biomes btw, the Grand Banks used to be some of the best fishing in the world because of the arctic, while the west coast of Canada features perhaps the densest terrestrial biome in the BC rainforests, which are fertilized by salmon pooped out by bears, good thing we've depleted the salmon and hunted down most of the bears!). Also, the whole 'climate denial' thing has two facets IMHO, people who lie because they care about money (and are making money via fossil fuel subsidies because those business models no longer make financial sense), and people who lie because they think it'll hurt the global south way more than Europe/NA (and they're wrong, all continental climates are going to become hellish in the near future). Nobody with a modicum of sense disagrees with the science, which has been settled for many decades (around 50 years I think? maybe more?), it's either unfettered greed or racism.
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  86. I love Amy's outfit! So pretty!
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  87. Also, this is the only night I'm not eating chips I feel like...
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  88. Texas should really highlight quite a few issues, but I think the general state of US infrastructure is the biggest (and that if push comes to shove, there is 0 hesitation in getting power to certain groups, like wealthy whites, while others suffer and die in frigid darkness), along with the climate change that is going to make that infrastructure a really big problem. Meanwhile, assholes whine that Biden's dog is shaggy (it really isn't, it's just a bad pic ffs, and I don't even have a dog) and that windmills are the problem when the 'traditional' energy infrastructure failed utterly, and the authorities chose to help certain groups of people preferentially (perhaps because only these people would actually be able to overpay for their electricity, and the poors would just laugh if they tried to collect a $10k bill).
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  89. I honestly expected MTG to ask for Biden's manager, that outfit is objectively hilarious.
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  90. How fucking stupid do you have to be to think that because their have been no deaths/infections yet from a disease that is extremely contagious that their never was going to be?? It's like his brain fell out, and nobody told him. It's not a secret that contagious diseases spread quickly, and that is why other countries were much quicker to take steps to prevent covid infections, because they didn't elect an idiot that thinks he's a genius.
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  91. You should have done clomping coconut sounds for when Kelly was walking out, and then just not address it. I stopped chewing my nails as a kid because I decided I didn't want to do it anymore. It's not like it's a real addiction, like nose picking. I think Seth could quit chewing if he wanted to.
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  92. Oh, I just remembered, I should mention that I told my mom about that old Boom Box song this week, and how part of the song had to be cut because it complained that old people smelled bad (particularly old business people btw, it wasn't generic old people, the old folks home did not cause any complaints about smell, and they were straight fucking, so it's just money obsessed scum that stink, and to me that should is true and should be fine?), and low, here is Sandberg himself! Did I summon him with my witchy ways?
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  93. Now I want an AI meme of present day Jimmy Carter going berserk and pile driving brad pitt into a manhole cover... I blame you Seth!
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  94. ​ @stephaniecuzner8147  they already painted him orange, put a bird's nest on his head, forced him to constantly pucker his mouth that looks like a butthole, and made him flap his arms like an idiot whenever he publicly speaks.
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  95. Did nobody tell these people that bamboo is pretty invasive? It is present on US soil last I heard.
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  96. Fwiw a tennis ball is usually fluorescent yellow, which looks pretty green, but fluorescent green is VERY green and once you see it it's hard to confuse the two. Also, depending on how old you are, merely eating heated food fills you with joy.
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  97. Also, how long is Seth's trump hair now? Honestly curious.
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  98. I was going to use oubliette in a joke, but I felt like it was too bougie of a word, so I just went with dungeon. It was in the context of where mike johnson has people locked away, in his basement, but I think you handled it pretty well, it was a real corker, a joke to remember if you will. ...maybe we need to start docking the jackals' tails? Nah, just oubliette about that.
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  99. Can someone tell the Democrats that senility should be a disqualifier for office? Also, mention that they don't actually have to pick the least inspiring candidate for President for every election, because this is getting old. Biden is about the biggest wet blanket they could find, it's like they want Trump to have every advantage they can give that orange turd. Nothing personal against Biden, but he's a really horrible candidate, and claiming an ancient, senile, molesty and gaff-prone closet Republican is 'electable' is inane.
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  100. DC Statehood is a funny thing... on the one hand, you have the Dems, who are trying to enfranchise a population of US citizens who are not represented properly atm. Meanwhile, the republicans can only talk about how this will give the Dems an advantage... and oddly have zero interest in giving full representation to American citizens on the US mainland if it might hurt them later in an election. If the republicans could get away with it, they wouldn't hesitate to jerrymander the entire country to benefit themselves. How can you have a 2 party system in a democracy where *one of the parties does not support democracy*???
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  101. Just saying, but always grateful when it's someone you don't like as much that wrote the real stinkers, especially the 'they're secretly written in cuneiform before being translated into Ojibwa, at which point Google Translate is employed to put it into English' level stuff. I had to pause during the bit where Seth was ranting about some of his writers not understanding how English works, it was too funny, and I couldn't take it.
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  102. ​ @sherinameless1618 yeah long before it reached the goal. I guess that's why he uses ivf, he's not a real man
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  103. I know it was just the weird 90s, but back then chicken was seen as a less than masculine food. People could like it, but 'men' were supposed to obsess over beef and pork. Weird that they're acting like ice-cream isn't one of the most beloved food items in the world (I occasionally buy Asian ice-cream, usually 1 tub of red bean and 1 tub of ginger, both are very good), and that chicken is suddenly 'manly'?? This is what happens when society is expected to pretend that trump isn't an open moron that has weird thoughts and feelings about women, such as having to ask multiple friends of his if they thought melania was 'hot'... they're not marrying her my guy, shouldn't you be finding her hot or not?? At this point he's just so damn weird that they can't make him seem normal, them trying to normalize his lunacy just emphasizes it. It's so hilarious that they're chained to this human anchor, but it's glorious watching the conservative 'movement' try to keep him from sinking. Of course they're all drowning because it's impossible for people swimming in the ocean to hold up a big useless anchor, even if you've got millions of them and they have endless money (literally because the rich just print money via the stock market, Seth himself pointed it out!), it's just not a task humans can achieve, it's no longer possible to make trump seem sane, normal or relatable, he's so alien/weird and so stupid that empathy just can't work. Him going out and buying chicken to show up biden should have been unthinkable, and in what world is it weird to be seen eating ice-cream?? Was OG Bush the last real republican leader the US will ever know? His son invaded two countries at random and both were incredibly expensive disasters that tanked a booming US economy (but made a lot of a-holes even more wealthy, so you know, that's a good deed in the US I think?), so he doesn't count, and trump is the definition of a RINO (he believes none of the tenets of his party other than the ones about giving more money to rich people), and I think trump is in the process of killing his party, like you guys will need a new conservative party to displace the republicans because they'll have devolved into nothing but capitalist BS and conspiracy loons (we're more than halfway there), and nobody sane will ever vote for them again after they wake up from their pro-trump delusion.
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  104. I do use non-THC strains of marijuana, they can definitely give you a buzz, even if there is 20% CBD and almost no THC, I am assuming that the seed I bought was the right strain, and other seeds I bought at the same time definitely weren't (I got what I assume is NYC Diesel in place of NY Diesel, NYC is an autoflower and I definitely got autoflower, but the CB Diesel does give you a very clear/cool headed buzz. You know, I think if she'd have just settled for 'Be Good' as a slogan, it would more or less work, it's the whole singular nature of anything that is 'the best' that throws things off. There is just something... definitive about being 'best' at something. That's exactly what A Flock of Seagulls sounds like. Well played!
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  105. Seth, it's a low-key secret, but Maga, Traitor to Mortals is an old card. Just ffs.
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  106. It's profoundly disingenuous to compare endangering yourself personally with a silly but perhaps fun habit like cliff diving (wtf?), and not wearing a mask, which endangers everyone around you potentially, even if you're vaccinated, and tons of people aren't even vaccinated. The whole point of this charade is to set things up so everyone either is smart and is vaccinated, or is gullible, isn't and lies about it to not wear a mask either. Vanishingly few people truly enjoy wearing a mask, the point is there is a nasty pandemic, and if we don't control it, it will keep controlling our lives.
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  107. The real irony is that bear meat can have brain worms, that's why the Native Americans didn't generally eat bear, they fed the bear to theit dogs!
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  108. Also, Kamala's husband has grounds to beat up trump because he's creeping on his wife!
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  109. Why is it that sadists like trump are always huge cowards?
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  110. Seriously, when I need to raise my testosterone levels (don't ask), I either split firewood with axes/mauls that I personally made (with handles from trees I cut down), or I screw around with my huge 1/4in thick 4ft long chopper, this thing could perhaps cut a person in half the long way with a hard swing, it's a horror, I've chopped down so many trees (and then delimbed them) that I've broken it (and rewelded) multiple times. Sometimes I carry a log, which feels really boss, but what I don't do is expose myself to unnecessary radiation, because that's obviously stupid! You have reminded me that Seinfeld is not Shakespear, which is a good thing to remind me of. The right wing orgs love to find pervs like tucky, they make it very easy to blackmail them, which makes me wonder what exactly went down.
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  111. Got to say, hannity's pro-trump delirium makes me think of a person saying 'they aren't allowed to defend themselves' in a UFC ring because nobody will let them bring pocket salt. Is their actually anyone stupid enough to think you're supposed to 'defend yourself' in a criminal case by whining to the public?
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  112. I googled 'blown coat' only to confirm what I already thought was the answer, based purely on conjecture. This is also how I figured out most words/phrases while reading as I was growing up, I'd more or less guess based on the context/previous knowledge and I was usually correct enough (pronunciation is a different story, but English doesn't have rational pronunciation rules so who cares) to get by. I think it's the jackal's curse in action, your small meaningless victories make you overconfident, and before you know it you think your an expert on everything and some think tank comes looking for you.
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  113. Hilarious! It's like you're asking for 'things-to-happen-to-potential-guests-such-that-we-need-to-keep-having-Amy-on', maybe it's just you?
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  114. Your bit about the vampire/onion misunderstanding leads me to a very bad joke inspired by my russian lit phase, ironically the onion wasn't worth a garlic! ...That's it, that's the whole joke, and to 'get it' you need to have read russian literature. Well, that or I'll sound like some kind of village idiot!
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  115. Really Karen? This was like trying to bunt (in the Majors!) when the bases are loaded...
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  116. It's deeply weird having one member of congress accuse a man of not having balls when another congressperson literally showed naked pictures of him (also, why no legal consequence for that? Pretty sure that's illegal).
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  117. Seth looked like he pooped himself at that awards show, and was trying to fake like nothing weird happened.
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  118. Well, it's hard for a government to crack down on the people who give them huge bribes I guess? A LOT of politicians even trade stock ffs, many of them likely benefited from their own tax cuts under trump, I'd say your government is a racket, but so it Canada's (and people's knee-jerk is to vote for ol' Skimmed desantis himself, weenie poilievre). ...it's very easy to land on your feet when people keep giving you new billions to spunk up the wall on idiotic business ideas. It takes a very special kind of idiot to try to sell vodka when he's publicly a teetotaler, their are reasons workers ABSOLUTELY hate it when engineers who've never worked in the field design 'solutions'. Throughout most of recorded history, the people who managed the workers made a point of being among them (modern race-based slavery was actually what caused this to change fwiw, the workers were supposed to be their own 'caste' in the 'new world' the capitalists were building), to actually see what the problems were that needed solving. trump is exactly one of those engineers who's never been in the trench who designs a tank that gets stuck if it tries to cross one... this was a huge problem in WW1, look up some of those tank designs, they'd be adorable if they weren't designed to kill and maim, everything is tin-plated and full of shot traps, people could shoot through tanks with especially big rifles, and many tanks had so many crew that people risked dying of heat stroke to serve in one. He doesn't understand anything because he's never actually worked in any field, yet he thinks because his daddy inherited a bunch of money he only has good ideas.
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  119. You can have red bubbly wine, it's not necessarily technical champagne, but it can be authentic sparkling wine and the difference can be purely geographical.
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  120. Ironically there is literally no bigger ham than trump, I can see him getting stuck with that nickname.
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  121. I think the worst is they dissolve you alive?
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  122. Like, slowly?
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  123. Seth, All Star is famously from the Mystery Men sound track, it's referenced heavily in the video even... I know this as a fan of the movie back in the day, and as a guy who had to buy a second copy of Astro Lounge because he lost his Mom's copy. Associating it with any other sound track is blasphemous.
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  124. The best thing about the Clinton Pokemon Go thing is the delivery, it feels so clear she has no idea what she's referencing. Tell your own jokes folks! They won't be funny to anyone else, but at least you can deliver them properly.
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  125. I watched the same non-significant episode of Murdoch Mysteries a whole bunch of times, it was almost always the one that was on when I was able to catch an episode. I stopped trying.
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  126. Regarding "slowth" to "slow", it isn't rhyming, it's alliteration, which is way cooler. They used it in Beowulf, which is obviously cooler than modern Hip Hop/Rap.
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  127. ...they are pre-emptively criticizing Biden for using a teleprompter? trump literally walked out with notes written in the world's thickest marker because he refused to admit he requires glasses to read, and Biden is the one with a problem? trump had to have the kind of instructions you can count on a 5 year old to keep track of written down, and was further humiliated when the entire world caught sight of his 'cheat sheet'. When you have to be told to show empathy to survivors of a school shooting, you are part of the problem.
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  128. If you can fill a diaper, you are more useful than bill maher IMHO, there is a special hell for conservatives that lie about being 'left curious' so they can have a show that is inexplicably called 'left-wing' despite it not only doing nothing to further/help left-leaning causes, it openly tries to tear them down in term shockingly close to right-wing talking points. He's also close friends with actual lizard ann coulter, who is not a person that anyone progressive would be willing to be friends with, regardless of "what she's 'actually' like", her persona wobbles between 'depraved, soulless monster' and 'clueless idiot who is a conservative because that means nobody will ever fact check you if they are a fan'.
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  129. The chair thing is especially awkward because of how trump lies about his height, if he was tall this wouldn't be an issue.
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  130. These right wingers are doing some real Streisand Effect business, because if they keep attacking her she will definitely endorse Biden, even if just as a *&$% you.
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  131. No jacket, but very jack-ed! Hahaha... Okay, not that funny, but it's not like anyone is challenging Seth to pushup competitions!
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  132. I think I've figured out why everyone hates ted cruz... it's the fact that he obviously knows right from wrong, and then proceeds to completely ignore his own morality to do whatever is convenient. Not even evil people respect a good person who is a sell out.
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  133. I think my eyes did the 'jumping out' thing when I tabbed back here, owoooga? Is that correct? What an outfit!
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  134. ...I know you're going to say you've heard this before, but this Busy woman needs to have her own talk show! It'll slap!
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  135. It is quite refreshing to think that the new president at least is trying to be realistic about Covid... at a similar period, the previous moron was claiming that it would magically disappear in time for Easter. Great plan, did not seem to work out very well, resulting in an extra 500 000 deaths that 100% were not necessary/did not have to happen. I don't like many aspects of Biden, but at least he's not a pathological liar trapped in the throughs of psychopathy caused by hilariously excessive sense of self worth, that just also happens to be approaching senility due to old age. Biden is many bad things, but he's also for all intents and purposes a sane person who lives in the same universe as all of us do, and unlike the previous moron, he's not 100% devoted to gratifying/enriching the already wealthy, and there is even talk of tax cuts.
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  136. Considering most debates (if you want to call some of them that) today happen entirely online, the idea that you can't have an online debate is frankly idiotic. I found it hilarious when he admitted he was afraid they'd cut off his lunatic rants, because apparently he thinks lunatic rants are what debates are about.
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  137. The Charlie Brown joke is worse, but I think the Whale joke still stands (swims?).
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  138. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, who gave sydney powell the Goblin Formula? I half expected her to start flying around on her Goblin Glider, cackling madly while hurling Pumpkin Bombs at Spider Man.
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  139. I actually loved Ep 7, it was one of the better Star Wars movies IMHO, Ep 8 tried some new things that greatly improved the Star Wars universe/made it fucking grow up a bit, it's the most mature Star Wars movie ever made I will argue, Andor was way more mature/grown up (mature being used to describe porn is objectively insane), Ep 8 finally made physics exist in important ways, ships running out of fuel for example, or visiting a casino where most of the people who are there got inhumanely rich off of the suffering of others, and that's made clear in the movie, most Star Wars movies are infantilizing. The childishness was probably a big part of why my old psychiatrist preferred Star Trek, it wasn't media directed primarily at children. Anyways, Ep 9 was about as good as KOTOR 2 was when it was first released... aka you literally couldn't play it without patching, and even after patching it still barely ran, the graphics were embarrassingly bad, and the whole last chapter was bugged beyond words, so much so that you couldn't follow the story's conclusion. Ep 9 wasn't a finished movie and they decided to release and see what would happen, especially since it was such a beloved IP, and one that people would flock to just to say they saw it on the big screen. I really wish Disney had had more respect for the fans, but Ep 9 was a symptom of why so many people in Hollywood need better contracts/general treatment, the people making Star Wars movies want to make us great movies because many of them are going to be fans. I think I rewatched Ep 9 exactly once, and it wasn't worth doing so despite plenty of interesting elements that COULD HAVE BEEN AMAZING, but ended up devolving into garbage like 'each Star Destroyer, which is literally just an upscaled model because we're that cheap in a BILLION DOLLAR FRANCHISE, has it's own superlaser, even though the Death Star had to be ginormous to do the job', the movie was a disaster and burned up so much good will for the franchise, and a large part of it was because of the backlash to Ep 8, mostly from right wing shut-ins on the internet whining that an Asian woman was 'hogging the screen', I think if I had the power I'd try to get a Rose Tico show, it wouldn't have to be high budget even because she's not a flashy character, even just a few episodes so we can learn more about the interesting character (also because Disney fucking owes her big time). Part of Star Wars' problem is that it doesn't offer a very varied menu, just 'openly for kids stuff', 'teen stuff', and 'family stuff', even Ep 7 was just a complete rehash of Ep 4, it was almost an homage, but it was done rather well so 'it worked' and most people were happy with it. The Prequels would have been epic flops if they weren't in an already established and beloved franchise, who in their right mind makes a family (and we're being generous, that was a kid movie) movie with the central plot being a trade dispute that needs to be argued by a senate?! Also the stereotypes were a bit much even then, I was not very old when it came out and even I could see the various racial groups being stereotyped. Anyways, if they had released the prequels first they wouldn't have made Ep 2 (which was, until Ep 9, easily the worst Star Wars ever conceived, and the movie literally had Natalie Portman in a ripped up outfit, this wasn't quit Slave Leia level pandering, but in this context you could argue it made even less sense) and the series would have been a disaster we all joke about. TBH though, we all clown on Star Wars now.
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  140. I get that Animal Flubs was brutally retired (to death), but maybe that rooster could start Animal Flops? About the animal jokes that fly like a cinderblock thrown by a 90lb child?
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  141. GORGON! CHANDLER! GAH! (just my personal bugbears that jumped out and started barking like some manner of stray canid)
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  142. Nothing like an illiterate man who's confounded by cups of water and gentle ramps talking about getting a degree in animal psychology... we could just get an animatronic talking whale for trump and maybe he'll forget about the election thing?
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  143. Also, there is LITERALLY Maga, Traitor to Mortals in Kamigawa (it's a playable in some weirder decks Magic the Gathering card), I hope the Jackals expedite a thousand copies to you!
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  144. I would like to note that johnson used the exact same BS excuse as they use for cops... 'there are a few bad apples'. I swear, these people are actual idiots with no capacity for creativity.
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  145. These are some pretty terrible jokes, I feel like I'd get frustrated if I was paying people to write these. Also, find more Karens for this show so you can have more Karen Jokes getting reviewed, at least I don't always feel unclean after. Also, maybe call this segment 'jokes Seth shouldn't tell!' and it'll go over better?
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  146. I do feel like we can stand to contrast the utter batshittery of a two party system where one party is openly pro-nazi and the other is pro-choice (in general, not just reproduction). Also, who doesn't want to hear her pull a stunt like that? We all know tucker carlson yanked one to the same clip you included...
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  147. Yeah, I kinda hope that one of the perks in heaven is getting to look down into hell and see the people you most despised in life (yet had to forgive, because otherwise you won't be in heaven) burning in lakes of acid, while imps shoot pins and needles dipped in iodine at their eyeballs/eardrums. Because this level of BS is unconscionable. Incidentally, isn't lying one of the 10 commandments? How can anyone be gullible enough to think these people represent Christendom?? I miss church.
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  148. Just love this outfit! Also, decent talking points, but I feel like NH giving more than 30% of the vote to trump reflect incredibly badly on someone who's treated like an incumbent (despite a consistent losing record and incredibly poor job performance).
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  149. I dunno why, but I needed these laughs, thanks!
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  150. It is profoundly fucked up that Biden thinks it's okay to release documentation that conclusively states mbs was responsible, and then have zero consequences, and to claim that their is a 'relationship' there worth protecting, when there is very fucking much not. The Saudi gov hates the US and delights in both exploiting the US and having such control, while the US people beg their various leaders to do anything at all about one of the worst offenders on human rights that keeps significantly threatening American security (WHILE THE US SELLS THEM WEAPONS. HAHA. Not at all the dumbest thing ever).
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  151. I gotta admit, if a restaurant is surrounded by a ravenous horde of rats armed with catapults, I'm not eating there.
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  152. It's less uphill and more 'heavily rigged by the gop'.
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  153. I'm not sure why Americans think socialism is interchangeable with communism, other than deliberate wrongheadedness. Other countries somehow don't have this problem, of letting the other side define your terms, why does the US? Also, the most of the US supports socialist policies, why are talking heads still acting like socialism isn't electable?
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  154. Funny flynn's shirt doesn't say 'disgraced traitor', because he's more known for that know, and will always be remembered for that.
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  155. ...It's almost like humans are encroaching further and further into nature's last refuges or something, resulting in children playing under a tree full of bats (because of deforestation). Humans have very much been beating the crap out of nature since we developed group hunting tactics and could catch large game more easily than small, resulting in numerous extinctions, including most remaining large animal species. The humans who proved most adept at living with nature generally have so little power/influence that they are easily ignored as 'whiners'. It's like humans complaining about mountain lions in California after displacing them. Seriously, if you were displaced by an alien species, how great would it feel? Complaining about nature/weather at this point is like when white people made all those Western movies that were super-racist against Native Americans, who refused to just die out like white people wanted. Edit: I actually think it was a good solution in content, I think the context is being wildly misrepresented here is all.
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  156. You forgot the bowl of port (to be used as dipping sauce) that goes with the sandwich!
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  157. Now I'm picturing zombies wandering around saying 'Kaaaale... kaaaaaaale...', I mean kale is good, but would you want to endure until your corpus crumbles into dust eating nothing BUT kale? I dunno. I feel like you want to have 'kale and potato', or 'kale, potatoes, and sausage', which is really delicious if you haven't had it, but plain raw kale is going to get tiresome, even as your taste buds rot off.
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  158. But Seth, why would she use an Owen Wilson voice to say 'wow!'? I just don't get it.
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  159. As an industrial construction worker, I am a fan of Amy.
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  160. Also, I'm better at cooking than most people who cook, so if I want a fancy meal and I don't want to spend $400 I just make my own risotto and steak, why do I need to hire a goombah to make my food if I can cook??? Am I wrong? I have eaten good food in restaurants, but I have eaten some incredible meals by me, including various pizzas. People can be a gremlin that over-indulges and also be the person who cooks the supper that makes it all work.
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  161.  @marshalbaek5580  Do you really think there is much of a middle ground with open fascists? People either think he's the bee's knees, or they they see him for what he is, a buffoon. The NFL is very much all about the money, so when he was just another horse's ass that inherited some money I'm not surprised they didn't take him at his (worthless) word. Still, I bet they'd bend over backwards to help trump buy a team now if they thought it'd get him elected, trump's whole platform is screwing over the poor and helping the rich. The rich aren't especially bright, but they understand that a 'politician' like trump is an investment, if he actually wins they win big, and if he loses they lost money they literally will never miss.
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  162. So can possums fwiw, most animals can be eaten, and at some point likely were a part of the local diet, mono-culture is pretty rough on our diet. This is why I have a big garden full of weird produce, though tbh after I grow stuff I am usually able to find them in stores so who knows really? On the plus side I make wine at home with some extra fruit, the weirdest I've ever tried is the Goji berry wine I'm making atm, it's very much a 'we'll see' kinda thing.
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  163. I love your point, but the US has been fascist as long as I've been following politics, and definitely before that things were even worse. How anyone can look at 50s US and not say 'yeah, that's extreme fascism' boggles the mind. It even spawned a revolution of sorts, so great was the disaffection with the inane restrictions of the 'Golden Age', and we all know damn well things weren't perfect for non-whites back then. Fascism has a long, storied history in the US, and if you even scratch the surface of most libertarians, you quickly find their philosophies in practice tend to be 'freedom for me', rather than 'freedom for all', and libertarians are a relatively harmless form. Even the founding fathers were lying when they claimed to love freedom, instead embracing quite heartily all the fruits to be had of slavery. The US is a country that has long fallen for it's own propaganda (note, like all fascist leaning countries, the US has a very large, prominent propaganda wing in the media). Ever notice how preachy kids shows are these days? Well, they always were, you just didn't notice what they were preaching, IE GI Joe and all manner of war fantasy, trying to get kids to adopt a conflict based mind-set, an 'us and them' mindset to be easier to manipulate as adults. Ever notice how preachy movies used to be back in the olden days? Well guess what, they still preach, they are just subtle about it now. Pretty much every studio movie is propaganda, even if it isn't directly government created. You'd be pretty hard pressed to find a mainstream US movie that doesn't embrace conflict and violence, it is seemingly intrinsic to US art. Pacifism, communism, socialism and many other things have been extensively demonized by the US media until the people utterly embraced what they were given.
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  164. ​ @unthinkablethailboat was it stated the station would be Earth orbiting, rather than being at a lagrange point? I got up early, so it's 100% possible I missed that
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  165. I'm no expert, but wasn't hating the players a big part of why DMX was amazing? If so I think that's also a valid position. It's all fine and good to hate the game, but we're all playing the same game and we each play it differently, the difference with an asshole is that they're an asshole. Life isn't Hearts ffs!
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  166. So tuck-tuck is on the epstein list? Also, the US is only surprised to find out that it has a big nazi problem because it lies to itself about it's past (which included being so pro-nazi as a country that in the 30s it was grounds to be declared a communist if you criticized hitler/the nazis in Germany), this is why the US has all kinds of weird 'Lend-Lease' programs with the UK, they couldn't offer official support so they just pretended they were selling old supplies to the Brits.
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  167. Yeah, he might 'do his own stunts' but how many millions has Hollywood spent trying to make him not look elfin in stature compared to his woman costars? Also his stupid contract made it impossible for the Mummy reboot to work, wasting even more of the precious good will that Brendan Frasier gave up his youth for, making that one of the few series' that you can honestly compare to Indiana Jones and not be joking around. Was The Mummy as good as Indiana Jones? Nope, but it was even more fun sometimes, despite having wildly worse special effects than even that funky melting scene from Raiders. Indiana Jones was like going to a nice restaurant and ordering a decent meal (but the restaurant is weirdly racist in subtle (and in the one movie, not even a little subtle) ways), watching The Mummy 1 and 2 was like going to one of those mid-range places, it's better quality stuff than fast food, but it's not as pretentious as the fancy (and kinda racist) place, and you save a bundle. The Mummy was a much more 'safe' movie I'd argue, taking far fewer chances and making the villains sidekick 'look like a Jewish stereotype' was weird even at the time. Anyways, still bitter that we don't have a thriving 'monster movie' universe that we could complain was becoming 'too corporate/too safe/too woke', depending on what your bugbear issue is, and it's mostly tom cruise's fault... at least we'll always have The League of Extraordinary Gentleman to show us what could have been?
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  168. I bet desantis didn't even choose those boots, his handlers hated him enough to either not care or actively choose to give him boots that would make him look this stupid. I don't blame them, and they'd be My Little Pony boots if I'd had my way, but this is also good. I'm sure I could find some pic somewhere that is edited to make his boots into MLP kid's boots.
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  169. That streaker is probably half of trump's weight Seth, are your graphics people even trying??
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  170. My dad never cracks his joints, and he can open walnuts without a tool. His thumbs are probably twice the diameter of Seth's. As I kid I inexplicably thought giga-hands were just the norm, and was disappointed when I just had normal big hands. My joints crack all the time, and I was pretty weak as a kid (especially for my size).
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  171. Not to be rude, but the nepo babies issue isn't even mostly about famous people, it's about how *all of the well-paid jobs go to people with connections*, it's a bit of an absurd complaint because it's how it's 'always been' but it's also awful and has literally killed untold millions just in the 20th century's World Wars, most militaries in the world assigned ranks based on connections, not on competence, and this resulted in militaries that appeared to be functional forces but were more or less useless on the battlefield and cost millions of lives doing brilliant things like trying to take machine gun protected bunkers by crossing a mud-filled stretch of hell in broad daylight with plenty of warning for the ensconced opposition to be ready. Nepotism is one of our worst traits when we're outside the family unit, and most humanity has been living in larger communities for thousands of years, but we still fall for the whole 'well, he's related to someone so maybe he's 'like them'' argument over and over. Nepotism literally kills. I'm a nepo baby too, but my connections meant I got to do farm work as a young child until I managed to work my way up to construction (the hard, brutal kind). If you don't want to live long it's a decent life, but yeah, most people get their start in the work world via connections, some never have to go beyond that, the issue here is that some people are born with connections that are really useful, and others like me have connections that will put them in an early grave potentially. If you can't see a difference between getting to be a CEO because of family, or being the guy loading the cement mixer with 50kg bags, then I despair for our collective future.
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  172. FFS THAT IS NOT A VIKING HAT AT ALL!
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  173. I commend Amber's wine joke, it actually made me, a cis-het-white-male that's over 30, unsure if it was appropriate for him to laugh at the joke. Very well played!
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  174. ...And Jenny more or less matches this by making me think of how creepy everyone was about Teegan and Sara when they first got big. We were all so very, very creepy, but they put out some amazing music.
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  175. I definitely have insomnia, and I definitely watch the youtubes of Seth's show, so I pretty sure it's not a cure. It's like trump is wrong about everything...
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  176. I'm shocked there was any actual chicken tissue in your chicken bullion, buy cheaper and you won't have this problem I think (not so cheap that you're buying coloured salt/wheat flour blocks). Also, tofu is way less weird than drinking milk/eating dairy, I'd feel really weird about explaining that one to an alien, maybe I'd have them drink some of the highly addictive yeast-waste I like to drink, people often love to converse while consuming yeast-waste! Surely some yeast-waste and bacteria-pooped-out-dairy would convince aliens that we're actually sane, that we're not monsters for harnessing life-forms as slaves and then treating them like they're soulless automata? Yeah, just had a thought, how do vegans feel about alcohol or leavened bread? Both obviously use a life form that's definitely not a plant, which is pretty much slave labour only we eat the slave's poop? It's a weird relationship if you think about it too much, but I'm saying maybe vegans can't philosophically drink beer or eat bread, because you're abusing yeast, which isn't a plant? I used the Mediterranean diet to lose weight, a key element of which is eating a lot less meat, and that seemed to work pretty well to manage my weight, and as I pointed out to my sister recently; all of your worst meals were so bad because of meat being in them, thus meat doesn't really make it easier to cook, meat is actually incredibly easy to screw up and tastes godawful when you do. If you disagree, I challenge you to eat 1lb of fried chicken wings, then try to eat 1lb of boiled chicken wings (like right after, so you can still taste the fried chicken). Trust me, it's way easier to screw up meat than it is to screw up a potato or rice. Anyways, lots of vegan stuff is fine to eat, but I still eat a lot of cheese, and I generally crave eggs when I'm working hard, so I'm no vegan, but if people don't go out of their way to eat less meat, it's going to continue to be a huge problem, but I feel like if you're at least doing physically demanding work, you probably need some meat or you're going to suck at your job (dairy and eggs work too), thus office jocks need to stop eating meat all the time, save it for me!
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  177. See rudy, that's why you have brandy for breakfast, it gives you energy! Wait, was that Colbert that was in The Hobbit?
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  178. I'm pretty sure rubio is the coach that gets fired for putting up secret cameras.
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  179. In Karen's defense, if you want a TON of thin chips, you buy a bag of Leys, it's kinda their thing, so there are a bazillion chips compared to a thicker chip. TOTALLY REASONABLE JOKE.
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  180.  @marcromain64  I feel like the Grim Reaper heard how he treats his wives and was like 'nah, not touchin' that just in case it's catching'. Buddy divorced his wife because she got cancer, if he's still got a soul it probably smells like pig $#!7.
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  181. Yeah, this is ugly stuff. Trump is hoping and praying for a coup d'état at this point, and apparently openly asking for it isn't enough to get people to wake up to what he is... makes one suspect that perhaps the issue here is that they know fully well they are in the wrong, they just don't care, because they pretend the other side is evil, and have convinced their deeply misinformed base that's the truth.
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  182. I'm not sure we call them fjords, but I think they also exit on some northern Canadian islands that are very sparsely (if at all) inhabited. I totally checked, and there are fjords in lots of places, including Canada, but not really in the Nordic countries outside of Norway, which is a world leader in fjords (which is presumably why they got to name them).
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  183. Doesn't biden fly on the presidential jet? It's not like he's in coach ffs, it might not be an especially nice private jet, but it's probably a lot more comfy than first class on almost any airline you could imagine. He could easily have a bed on that plane and just have slept the whole way their, and the whole way back. Also he can bring as much luggage as he wants, and any of his helpers/handlers he wants, it'd be about as inconvenient as if your house could fly.
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  184. I feel like it's a really weird space where I feel like I can safely say hamas is a horrific organization, and yet it is also true that the IDF is objectively much worse, the scale of what they have done is incomprehensibly worse, this is nothing but genocide. Our children will not speak well of this period, and it's only just begun to unfold in the larger sphere I fear. By no means did hamas begin this 'war' (it's not a war by any logical definition, this is nothing but a genocide at this point), this began when their was a sudden influx of non-natives in the region, AKA colonization. Why the hell can't we be honest about this? The west doesn't get to give away an already populated region because the west did genocide in Europe, that's not how reason works. Also, I want to see Bernie's hands clasping trump's baby paws... the working men have bigger hands, and the working man's champion (such as it is in America) has bigger hands than the champion of the 1%.
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  185. Does Mr. Pillow smoke a bunch of rocks as fast as he can before he does interviews?? "Mr. Pillow, just how many rocks did you smoke befoer this interview?" "All of the rocks." He is living proof that money is pretty much assigned in our society.
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  186. Wow, I thought you got lost or something! Welcome back!
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  187. Homarids RISE UP! Lobsters shall conquer all!
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  188. A true 4th degree burn
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  189. So, thought you should know, but I think this gluteal amnesia thing might have some legs... when I did that ballerina leg lift thing, where you get your leg up, but then use your but to lift it even higher (and it's pretty much only the butt that can do it), and the first time I tried it I couldn't really engage the glutes! So this might help explain why I'm not better at squatting heavy, it's because I do too many ballerina exercises.
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  190. As with most instances of later stage capitalism, the need for broadband companies to actually compete is nearly non-existent, which is why they all suck. As long as none of them offer a significantly better service, they can all just do a half-ass job that minimizes costs and maximizes profits, and these companies are heavily rewarded for this, while competing actively risks failure, which is punished.
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  191. In my experience with Jamaicans, they would say 'haxe', rather than 'axe', but would say 'axe' when saying 'ask'. Linguistics always trip me out.
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  192. One reason desantis' suits might be fitting better is because he's apparently on that weight loss drug, so he's lost some weight, but now he's saggy instead of puffy because he didn't put on any muscle/likely lost muscle.
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  193. I think drywall would be much closer to actual cheese since it has calcium in it.
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  194. So the real estate guy doesn't actually know what an acre is then? Cool cool. Seems like the kinda moron you'd put in charge of a nuclear power, you know? Because he can't spell his own name or wipe his own arse, that's what makes you a REAL leader, signatures that look like they were done with someone's off hand while having a seizure on paper smeared with feces.
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  195. So you're doing The Jolly Balloon Man for your closer? Maybe It is time for me to send you a Jackal deck. People definitely watched videos in the cafeteria when I was last in college (a WHILE back at this point), I watched Those Obnoxious Aliens episodes now and then, that show would update INCREDIBLY well, imagine a gorgeous flying alien in an animal print bikini married to a dumb misogynist who wants to sleep with all of the girls (she's easily strong enough to kill him, so it's lot of wacky hijinks), everything else is ALMOST immaterial (but the fire breathing brother is also good for plenty of laughs).
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  196. No sane government would include an exception for a 'well-regulated militia' and then proceed to have no fucking regulations of any kind on the so-called militia. That's what a bunch of alcoholic assholes would do though, they'd forget that they needed to actually regulate guns like they had indicated they would, and not just get drunk (again!) instead.
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  197. I think I can explain the whole 'NY with axe crime!' thing, I think trump took Ambien while watching Gangs of New York, lost consciousness, and then work up during Law and Order, which was investigating a murder at a bodega, so it's an understandable misunderstanding. It could happen to anyone that old that uses that many prescription drugs to manage untreated mental health issues stemming from narcissism so bad it qualifies as psychosis. Also, to Seth's writers, I think at this point Alanis has more or less won, the word irony has lost most of it's old meanings, and now mostly means what she said it means, and in a few more generations, especially if republicans keep sabotaging education, nobody will even remember the old technical uses that academics used to lord over the commoners. Also, you're all just jealous of how great of a singer/songwriter she is, and how lucky Canada was.
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  198. You say your life is great, but did you weld up a 16lb ax head, complete with an edge you welded up with some cast iron and other add ins to make an extremely hard edge, then carved up a 4lb 5ft handle for the ax, and then over time learn to split wood with it efficiently, can you imagine the thrill of swinging an ax as hard so hard? Can you imagine the testosterone charge of feeling that power in your meaty hands, as they absorb significant shock? I can sing good enough to go pro, but can any pro singers say they can split wood with a 20lb ax they made from scratch? Note, if you're not built like an ox you'll probably break fingers trying to split wood with an ax like this, the shock is much worse than a 12lb hammer, it's more like a 30lb hammer. So, greatest thrill? Maybe, but there are some pretty great thrills if you dig deep in any field, maybe I'll take a swing at your field some day, see if it can compete with wood splitting and just singing in my barn.
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  199. The tale of the ruler who was tricked into walking out naked seems decidedly apt, though it's more spiritual nakedness than physical. And all his followers are also getting naked. Kinda gross now?
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  200. Yeah, at least many dems were in favor of not fucking over the US's people. Some clearly were, and one wonders why the party ever let them run under their banner.
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  201. I front for The Captain. I'm not sure why, but he adds flavour, like a touch of saffron to your rice.
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  202. Yeah, India famously had a caste system (and still kinda does in many ways), but I'm pretty sure China doesn't?? How does someone reach such a lofty age and still have so little accurate information in their head? Most stoners would have been more qualified to be president, all he ever achieved was people giving him billions of dollars because his daddy made deals to keep him rich. A part of me suspects he was dropped on his head when he was a baby, and since it's not 'his fault' his family felt bad and decided to pretend he wasn't obviously brain damaged... the whole scheme only works as long as he's a toxic narcissist, fortunately he's psychotic and funnels that psychosis into his narcissism, which has long been entirely detached from reality, if he wasn't born rich he'd have been institutionalized as a raving lunatic years ago, but this is America, home of the 'reward-the-rich-for-being-rich' philosophy that totally doesn't make me want to start a bloody communist revolution, no sir! Maybe I should go split more firewood or something.
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  203. I still say that if we can bring back any sub-genre of music, I would vote for disco, the funkier the better, because if their is any groove that can save us all it's a disco groove.
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  204. When I played the Yugiohs in high school, I did Andy's move at ~6:44 the whole 'thumbs down and a raspberry' when I played Solemn Judgement, a card everyone else in my playgroup thought sucked so I got it for nothing. People learned incredibly quickly after watching me actually play the card, complete with gimmick, that it was in fact nuts. Good times!
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  205. I can totally believe that trump would be unable to keep his sword up, even for a big macho dance, it's just flopping limply. About those increasingly stupid tasks, that's for 'behind closed doors', their are probably benefits to owning trump, he's not big on dignity.
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  206. You do know that both sides of that face were edited to look more similar, right??
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  207. I'm pretty sure my friend had a comic that featured the phrase 'up the wazoo', it involved Rhino, possibly the least reputable source of correct language usage.
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  208. I suspect if cuomo touched Judge Judy's stomach, she'd pull a Rosa Kleb, put on brass knuckles and sucker-punch in him in the gut as a 'test', one he will decidedly not be passing.
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  209. Seth, I really hate to be the guy to point this out, but "I mean, we all know trump is just worried about electric cars because he think we'll run out of electricity and then the sharks can hypothetically eat him" was there on the floor, what happened? Maybe getting old, but it really was a nuts thing to brag about, and we should collectively keep making him own the insane (and inane) things he word salads constantly. Also, doesn't kid rock have his own music he can play??? the schadenfreude here is agonizing, at least he LITERALLY said trump smells like shh.... and now I'm pretty confident he's going to be fed to sharks if trump is reelected, so at least we'll have that to look forward to if trump somehow wins? I'm sorry, but whenever trump does his weird dance it looks like he's trying to wank two NBA centers that exist only in his stimulant addled mind.
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  210. Way to go mainstream media, it's clearly the 3 years older 80 year old with healthy habits that we need to worry about, not fat cow sucking down mcdonalds garbage food that struggled with the basics more than 4 years ago.
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  211. Sir, I believe the joke you were looking for with the 'clog a filing cabinet' flub was 'porcelain file', specifically that trump was going to 'clog the porcelain file'. It's kind of a reference joke, since people jokingly call the trash bin in an office the 'circular file', where they put the resumes that were done in crayon, or that have food stains on them. I hope to be torn to shreds by the jackals, as I deserve.
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  212. I mean when Elmo is THAT high I feel like he'd use different language... I mean, at this point we all know the Elmo schtick is a schtick, right?
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  213. For the record, both koalas and kangaroos are marsupials, that's why their young are of the same type. Read a book you flub!
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  214. I'm pretty sure there was actual gay warriors historically, and they didn't have to hide that they were gay if you go back far enough in time, in Europe or elsewhere.
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  215. Seth, in the UK they might well say 'lad' instead of 'boy', thus avoiding confusing it with 'buoy'. Now, how do we say 'buoyant'? Honestly asking.
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  216. I'm sure I'm not the first to point this out, but that filter does not resemble Lincoln. Like, at all. It's like every detail is either out rightly wrong or uncanny valley.
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  217. Seth, deSatan only wants the tax cuts for gas stoves because it'll help those who can afford gas stoves in Florida, which is to say it won't help the poor, which is why a republican supports it.
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  218. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THE ARM FLAP... These jackasses keep flapping like a bunch of wing-clipped albatrosses trying to lift off, thanks for highlighting how big of a pile of turds they are!
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  219. I'd pay $5 dollars to watch a video of desantis trying to split wood with a maul. That man has the consistency and constitution of wet toilet paper.
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  220. I feel like malls are 'the worst', so you should have 'Ya Burnt' them too. During the wreath bit I felt like in the pizza joke, it should have been something like 'an entire pizza of crusts', really stress that they had to rip crusts off of other pizzas to assemble this horror! Well now I want pizza, maybe I'll melt some cheese on some tortilla chips and dip them in salsa?
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  221. When I was a kid, I had a bike so cheap that it literally cost less than the lock I used on it. It was also an ungodly heavy bike, the whole thing was heavy duty chrome, I have no idea what the designer was thinking, other than 'maybe people will use them in the Great Plains?', so I don't know why I bothered with the lock. I think I rode the bike because I thought it burned more calories than just walking, it was load bearing exercise trying to go up even the slightest of inclines.
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  222. I ate a huge kiwi almost completely whole, my first bite I pulled out the hard part, and then after that it was tangy tasty business, ate that whole after step 1
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  223. I'm very confident I had a dozen hornet varieties when I was (trying) to dump pear sauce leftovers... they recruited from miles around, it was such a horror show that we avoided the midden during the day.
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