Comments by "Banana" (@439bananas) on "Better Bachelor" channel.

I would be a bit careful about taking this guy's word as gospel. Sure all guys want a younger woman to a certain extent and women also overlook a man's age, but again only to a certain extent. That extent is if the man is RICH, if you are rich then there is always going to be some young chick that will be willing to do whatever, if you're not then sorry no matter how much you dream about 20 year olds, it is unlikely to happen. This is not necessarily such a bad thing, let's face it women in their 20s still want to be out having fun where as a guy in his 50s/60s wants to come home from work and put his feet up. Women are also well aware that a guy that is that age is not going to be their lover for very long and that they are going to be playing nursemaid and giving him bed baths and changing his incontinence pads possibly within a decade and so there would have to be something that compensates for that. Women are most desirable to men at below age 25 and men are going to be more desirable in the 30-35 age bracket. That means that people outside of those limits are simply less likely to find someone that is going to meet that criteria. As far as I can see the woman in the picture is reasonably attractive for her age and i am sure if she is happy to put a roof over some guys head then she would be able to find someone, but the chances are he is going to be 50+ and he is likely to be divorced and may well have children elsewhere. That is life, if you are not in the desirable age bracket then your options male or female are going to be reduced.
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It depends how things ended with their ex. Sometimes their ex is more responsible for the break up then they are. In my case we went to counselling, it was just that my ex was not happy that his baby son required so much attention. He was just not prepared for how much attention a baby needs and he was not happy with the effects of childbirth on my body. Those things are just natural and some guys just can not accept that. As such that does not make me a bad partner, I simply had a choice keep our child and lose him or give up our child and hope that my body would return. I chose not to risk my body returning and chose our child, it seemed like the better option. Sometimes if a guy wants out it is the most sensible option.
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@TheHelper151 I was MARRIED and had been with my ex for over 9 years. He did not like what childbirth had done to my body and there was domestic violence from him. We went to counselling, the therapist would not work with us together because she believed that he had a narcissistic personality disorder. He had an affair and by this time I was frightened for my own life and I had been given no option but to give him a second chance. He eventually gave me the option of giving up our child for adoption or he was going to leave to be with his mistress, there was no way that I would ever give up my child. He left so I started divorce proceedings, for a guy who had chosen to walk out on his wife and child he made the divorce hell. Things did not work out with the mistress and he continued to be violent during child contact handovers, my solicitor advised me that to involve the police would risk the judge seeing it as frustrating the court order and that I would be risking losing my child. He advised that I move to my parents and let them handle the handovers. I did and he decided to take us back to court. By then I had considerable video footage, including him threatening my 70 year old mother. CAFCASS removed support for contact due to HIS behaviour. Skip forward to 2015, the extra marital affair had not translated to real life and he had married a foreign woman in summer 2012, the police showed up on my parents doorstep, because he had attacked wife number 2 and they were now worried that I might be dead as I have functionally disappeared. I was told to contact the police in a different area, I did and was asked loads of questions as to what had caused our marriage breakdown. I gave them chapter and verse and unlike the divorce hearing this time I was believed. The police could not give me full details as to what had gone on because they have to be careful not to prejudice the trial. But I was told that things had quickly become violent when wife number 2 bought her kids to this country and that he had been remanded in custody for attacking her and that the starting point for sentencing for his crime was 5 years. Whilst they could not detail the assault, I know that a sentence that big equates to a charge of grievous bodily harm, this is a serious charge that results from serious injuries. Wife number 2 was so terrified of him that when she was discharged from hospital, she went straight to the police station and rescinded her statements and fled the country. As a result the Crown Prosecution Service dropped the case. NO I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE A SINGLE PARENT, I CHOSE TO BE ALIVE AND I HAVE LITTLE DOUBT THAT IF I HAD NOT CHOSEN TO DIVORCE AND LIVE IN HIDING THAT I WOULD NOT BE ALIVE TODAY AND NEITHER WOULD MY SON.
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Use your sense, if a woman is going to go out with a guy that much older than her then she is going to expect some sort of decent compensation for that, if you don't want to pay that much try women your own age.
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@mikeking683 A teacher at my son's school told me this phrase and I couldn't help but laugh, he wasn't too impressed!
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OK the reality is that NO ONE IS PERFECT, but there are a lot of people out there that are a good enough match for you to have a good relationship with as long as you are both prepared to invest in the relationship. If you are cheating then it winds up that you are not only cheating on the other person but you cheat on yourself. When people cheat, they think that the grass is greener on the other side the reality is that the grass is greener where you water it. While they are chasing after the illicit partner they are not putting the work and effort in to feed their legitimate relationship and it withers and dies. Meanwhile the affair goes great guns, but probably only because it exists in a bubble. When you have an affair you are not with that person 24/7 and as a result both parties make a big effort to ensure that everyday life does not intrude. The man in the affair, scrubs up, shaves, uses deodorant, changes his socks, buys flowers and gifts for his mistress. The mistress is manicured and perfect and wearing heels and sexy lingerie. They do things together, nice meals sometimes holidays etc. That is not real life 24/7. Real life is when the central heating fails and the baby pukes over with you and you've got to get on and do the washing up. If you are cheating it detracts from the effort that you should be making to make your legit relationship work, you are chasing after a fantasy that exists in a bubble and bubbles are ultimately fragile and prone to bursting. Sooner or later either you will be found out or you will disappear off into the sunset with your lover and even if it is the later, it probably won't be the end of the story. You see when someone gets together with someone as a result of cheating, the mistress always wonders if they are going to be cheated on themselves. Mistrust is not the greatest basis for a relationship. If you do not want mutually exclusive partnerships then do yourself a favour and be honest about it. Go polyamorous, it has to be easier than all of the deceit and recriminations that result.
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This is the thing if anyone JUST categorises people just on looks then they are going to find it difficult to find someone who they are compatible with on a deeper level. The problem with these dating apps is the sheer numbers of people on them which means that people are categorising people on looks because that is the most obvious metric. The reality is if a woman meets a guy in the supermarket and that guy is polite and charming, then there is every chance that both of them are going to be happy enough to have a date and take it from there.
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@JoannaT2 Too right.
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Chances are that he is an accountant, they are pretty well paid and know what to do with their own money too.
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@grimmdul9808 I am not an accountant, but I am female and put it this way, cars on the whole depreciate in value. The only time that you are going to have a car that does not do that is if it is a particularly rare car or if there is some sort of waiting list for it and you have a pretty much brand new one ready to roll. I think that used to be the case with Lotus, the problem was that they used to blacklist customers that did that. A friend of mine has a 1931 Phantom II Rolls Royce and I would imagine that, that would gather value, but other than that cars do not gather value they just get you from A to B. I would imagine that a guy with a good job like that would probably invest his money in a nice house to live in as property is generally a good investment.
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She probably would have some luck with 63+, but not much chance with any younger than 58. She does sound like she thinks a lot of herself calling herself glamourous.
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Jason Lane Well perhaps I should have balled him out the first time he ever said that he was late because he was caught in traffic or when he was working late or maybe I should have bugged his computer from the off. But you know I loved him and trusted him and we always hope that the people that we love and trust respect the freedom that they have, rather than abuse it.
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@Eli M I didn't want to appear to be a nag. No he was no great shakes in the looks department, so I am not sure what counts as a fuck boy.
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@beardy3005 Well unfortunately my son was diagnosed with autism, so that would be kind of off putting for most men and to be fair if he had not done a runner before he would have done so for sure on discovering our son's list of disabilities, so to be fair it is probably easier on our son that he left early on. My ex is really the one that has missed out, last year when my son was 14 he was invited to speak at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology European programming conference at Cambridge University, my ex being a programmer would have loved the bragging rights on that one, but he can not claim any credit as he has had no part in his son's life and does not even know that he was a speaker.
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@zozma38 He was a covert narcissist. Put it this way, he attacked wife number 2 and his employer and neighbours were incredulous according to the police. People do not always show their true colours until things are not going their way.
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@BetterBachelor Really, you think that women can't do maths. There are only so many doctors and CEOS and there is no way that there are going to be enough to go around. Women do not look down on plumbers or anyone else that is showing responsibilty and buying property, if a guy is buying a property he will be viewed as a half decent catch. Suitable is a guy who you would be happy to bring home to meet your dad. I am a lone parent in a small community and if my 15 year old son wants to date a girl he has been told by me to ask the girl's father's permission, it works. He has been told that as an adult if he knows the father then to take him for a good whiskey. Getting married is worth it for many men because in the early years it provides a double income, latter you have a heir and then you have someone to look after you in your old age for free. Women have to get degrees to be able to get a decent paying job so that they have a job to help buy a property with her guy ready for their family. Once a woman has kids the value of her work outside the home is massively decreased unless she has parents nearby that are providing the day care. Hence why the guy's responsible attitude becomes important. This is why your average woman is not going to be interested in a guy who does not have much of an income, because she knows that he is going to struggle to provide for their children.
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If some guy is really tight fisted to the point of being miserly, are you really going to be happy with them anyway. They are not going to change it is just an aspect of their personality. My next door neighbour, her aunt dies and leaves 7 houses between 14 beneficiaries, yet she still goes into the greengrocers and begs the nasty leaves from around the outside of the lettuces and cabbages and end of day throwaways. She is in her 80s how much longer does she think she will live. I am not saying that it is good to be profligate with money, but being miserable is a different matter. If this guy was mean and she was not that way inclined, they were not suited, there is no point in looking back. He has not done anything unkind to her and what she did is totally uncalled for. I have had to start over because my ex turned into a violent nutcase. We tried counselling, there was no way that he was going to behave, he walked out, I started divorce proceedings, his misbehaviour continued, I moved and cut contact with everyone that we had known in common. Generally, I would not do that, but there was just too much risk to me and our son not to.
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As a woman I am indifferent to guys who want to wear dresses, I don't have a problem with them, but I am not attracted to them either, it is highly unlikely that I would wind up with someone that wears dresses as a result. A lot of problems in relationships come from poor personal boundaries and knowing when it is good to compromise and when it is not.
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It is going to be difficult if the dad is around and she is likely to be invested in keeping the dad happy to some extent if he is paying child maintenance. Some exs can be pretty demanding and he is likely to be pretty sore if she has found someone and he has not. My ex walked out on me for another woman and it did not work out for him, but he used to keep boasting about all the other women he had supposedly had when he came to collect our son and he thought that because I said 'good for you' that it meant that I was jealous. Nothing was further from the truth, I just wanted him to be a good dad and stop jerking us around and let us know when he was planning to collect his child and not. In the end I got so fed up with it that I started to give off subtle signs that I might have someone of my own, I put flowers in the window and would be dressed up when he came to pick up his son. He got amazingly upset when he thought that I had someone, you wouldn't have thought that he supposedly had the pick of all these willing hotties!
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He joined a sugar daddy site. The premise of that is that you can have a much younger partner as long as you keep paying for them, there is nothing hidden about that, if he did not want that arrangement then he should not have entered in to it.
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Let me put it simply, if you are a young guy then you might have better options then a single mum. If you are 35+ and do not own your own property or you have children yourself elsewhere then your options might not be so great, so at that point you are probably going to have to decide to be alone or be with someone who is a single parent.
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@robschaller9061 This is not the case in the UK. The only men with much younger women here are rich or the women are from other countries. I live in a small rural market town and there are 4 men married to much younger women, 2 of them are on their second marriages to Thai women, their first marriages to Thai women failed and the women walked off leaving their kids here. There is another bloke who is married to a much younger woman whose face was badly disfigured in a fire. The last bloke married a woman who did not work and she already had 2 kids that were not his, they went on to have 3 more kids, then he cheated on her and walked out to be with an even younger woman that also already has kids, again not his, he has just kicked her out because she has cheated on him. The only bloke that I actually know that has had significantly younger women like you are talking about is a 72 year old rock star who is worth an estimated $200 million and even then the relationship did not last. He is genuinely a really nice guy.
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He seems to be making out that this woman is in someway an example of regular women when in fact not only is her condition fairly rare, but 3 times the number of men suffer from it. There is even some debate as to whether it should actually be defined as an abnormality, how exactly can you really define someone's libido as being abnormal, it is really only abnormal to them at the end of the day.
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Frankly, I might well have dumped the guy simply for being miserly. I can understand being a little careful and not profligate with money, but to be mean and tight fisted when you have no need to be, well they don't put pockets in shrouds.
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OK, here ia woman's perspective. If you leave your relationship and you have a child. Behave. Pay child support fairly and on time. Show up for contact on time and whenever it is scheduled. If there is a problem then let your ex know as soon as possible and be apologetic for upsetting your ex's plans, you may find that she is happy enough to rearrange for some time elsewhere. Don't stand up your kid for your latest squeeze and don't try boasting about her to your ex and sorry but do expect that your ex will move on, you are no longer together, you are just going to have to swallow it. If you play games then everyone suffers, it is not worth it. If you love your kids, do the right thing.
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@PistonAvatarGuy I was married for a number of years when I had my son and my ex started an affair when he was 5 months old, finally walking out when our son was 10 months old. His behaviour leading up to the divorce was very bad and during the divorce he hid £250,000 and I had to pay him £80,000. He did rather nicely and I was the one left holding the baby. He was eventually awarded unsupervised contact and used the handovers to be abusive. In addition to that he would frequently just not show up for his son. He would then show up for next contact and boast about what he made out to be some sort of beauty queen that he had supposedly bedded and how much better that she was then me. When the reply was: 'I don't regard it as any of my business what you do with whom', his attitude was that I was jealous. 'Sorry, jealous of what, a woman that has a relationship with a guy that is unfaithful. I say good luck to her, 'cause she is going to need it' He showed up repeatedly and said this sort of crap. We then had: 'You are jealous because you don't have anyone'. To which the reply was: 'How do you know whether or not I choose to have any one and I am no longer your wife, so it is none of your business'. Still does not take the hint that I am not bothered and still we have the random no shows for contact. The next time that he is a no show we get into an argument, he thinks that child contact is for him, whereas I believe child contact is primarily for the benefit of the child and I feel that dicking his son around like this is wrong. Eventually, I lose my rag and tell him that 12 days every fortnight he has no child caring responsibilities and that he can do what he likes then, but the 2 days when he has contact, he could at least put his son before some random slut. Which of course, rather than pulling him up sharp starts him off. I tell my solicitor who fires a shot across his bows by informing him that if he continues to fail to show up that I can return it to court and get the contact order changed. He still plays up and my solicitor suggests taking it back to court, but by this stage I have had enough and I am moving away to be close to my parents so that they can handle the handovers. Of course he takes it all back to court, only by then I had solid proof of his behaviour and the court put a stop to contact. He then messed about even more with child support. Women don't force men to have children either. If you don't want kids YOU HAVE AS MUCH CHOICE AS THE WOMAN to not have sex, to use a condom or to have a vasectomy.
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@PistonAvatarGuy I am aware that condoms break, but I do not feel that birth control pills are any more effective, they too have a failure rate. Taking antibiotics interferes with their absorption, as does all too common stomach upsets. The pill was reformulated in the 80s because of concerns about its links to cancer and it now contains much less of the active hormones that prevent pregnancy, this means that just taking the pill as little as an hour late at the start of a pack can massively reduce its effectiveness. With regards to condoms in the UK, they have to meet a certain standard. Every single one of them here is applied to a metal phallus shape and run through a bath and electrical conductivity is tested. Being rubber this is an insulator so if current is detected the affected condom is rejected, additionally there are random pressure control tests run on every batch. The selected condoms from a batch are filled with air to a certain pressure and if they burst then the whole batch is rejected. One of my mates [excuse the pun!] used to work in quality control at Durex and they used to test condoms that had failed in use too! He said that most of the condoms that had failed had no discernible defect in their materials and that they had either been torn by snagging on rings or fingernails or had not been stored in the correct manner or the guy had neglected to expel the air from the tip before putting it on. It is a valid point that it is the woman that chooses to keep a child and that is all the more reason to take care of contraception from the male point of view and it is quite easy to couch it in terms of simply being protective in your relationship; because to be fair whilst men and women do pay a price for unwanted children, the ones that pay the biggest price are the children themselves.
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@PistonAvatarGuy Women are held accountable in the sense that they are often the ones left holding the baby. Most normal women are absolutely besotted with their baby and would do anything to hold on to their child. Women that give up their children are generally looked down upon. Yes there are some women who simply do not have any better options in life then to have kids and there are other women, like me that give up their career to have kids, that have worked hard to finance having a child. If my ex had been decent our son would have had a wonderful quality of life, but he was not, even when his son was diagnosed with developmental difficulties, it has been me that has shown up to all the appointments and assessments and carried out all of the therapeutic regimes. It has been me that has got him what he has needed in life. My ex might as well be 6 foot under because the only help we receive from him is what he is legally obliged to pay and I am sure that he is not paying the right amount either. Don't be too quick to assume that looking after a kid full time is always easy, it is not. My son was diagnosed with autism at age 7 and I have looked after him single handedly since he was 10 months old, he is now 15, all the work started to pay off last year when he was invited to speak at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's European programming conference at Cambridge University. My ex knew all about his son's diagnosis, but he still saw fit to stop paying child support, which forced us to spend money using the courts to get it re-established, he seemed to think that it was possible to have a disabled kid and be able to work, it isn't because care costs outweigh income. If a woman is the one looking after her child then she is accountable, she is spending time that she could be earning money bringing up a man's child. This allows the man to work and if he is paying for his child then he is being accountable too. Better still if he is taking an active part in his child's life by showing up for child contact reliably and attending things like school sports day, parent's evenings etc. But sadly not everyone wants to do that and worse still there are women that disrupt that relationship with no good reason.
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An older man only has value to a younger woman if he has money and is generous with it. Do you not think that a woman who is dating a guy who is 3 decades older than her knows that in a few years time she is going to be spoon feeding him pureed food and wiping his arse, so the compensation for that has to be pretty high.
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@alexparise2321 Not all older guys have money, just as not all younger women are beautiful and not all women are going to want to sell themselves so this is always going to be subject to market pressures.
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@alexparise2321 That is the thing that most guys do not realise. They have far more options than women. Women are tied more to biological aging than men and have a very finite time to achieve stuff in. If a woman in the UK studies for a degree then she is going to be 21/22 by the time her education is finished and she is going to graduate with a bunch of debts hanging over her head. She then has to balance that debt and her career and having kids. This is why many, many young women are resorting to hooking up with sugar daddies. It is essentially a form of prostitution the girl is offering companionship, dates, sex a girlfriend experience in exchange for her tuition fees or rent being paid or expensive gifts: a car; jewellery; designer handbags that she can sell. If the gifts dry up so does the 'relationship'. I am not saying that this transaction might not result in a genuine relationship eventually, but that is not the premise that it has started out on and I would say that it is a risky strategy for a guy to follow this path in the expectation that it is going to result in a relationship. If a guy joins a sugar daddy site as this guy did, they know what they are letting themselves in for. They are buying someone's services with gifts. The first woman that he mentioned was decent and up front about it, she had told him that if there was sexual chemistry between them, it would happen, but that he would be paying for it. He does not have clear objectives, he wants a relationship, but only when it suits him, so yeah he is going to find it difficult to get someone that will go weeks or months without seeing the person that they are supposed to love, unless there is some sort of big pay off that makes that sort of trade off acceptable.
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