Comments by "Ray Purchase" (@raypurchase801) on "Andrew Lawrence" channel.

  1. Andrew Lawrence gets bigger audiences than the new Doctor will achieve.
    666
  2. Dame Gary Lineker is the greatest Afro-Caribbean woman ever to play for England.
    662
  3. Lineker is the greatest Afro-Caribbean woman ever to play for England.
    637
  4. My little boy used to enjoy Doctor Who. We enjoyed going to car boot sales, buying cheap DW DVDs. He's now eleven. He decided for himself that Doctor Who has become rubbish. Without understanding any of the political shit-show or concepts like "pressing a propagandist narrative", he decided not to watch it any more. The BBC hit the Doctor with a brick, and kicked him until he bled to death.
    593
  5. I wish there was some way to defund universities of this kind.
    576
  6. Bring back Jon Pertwee! Yes I know he's dead, but he would still make a better Doctor than anyone the BBC would employ today.
    539
  7. "If you tolerate this, then your children will be next".
    508
  8. The BBC will blame Brexit. Probably.
    482
  9. There was a Norwegian music hall comic during WW2. After his country was occupied by the Germans, he continued making satirical stage routines about the occupation, the rationing and the Nazis. He was arrested and imprisoned as a warning, but released when the Nazis believed he'd understood his peril. He went back on stage after his release, to a theatre filled with ordinary members of the public, collaborationists and Nazis. Everybody wanted to see how imprisonment had changed the man's comedy. The comic strode onto the stage, turned to the audience and gave a grand one-armed Hitler salute. All the Nazis and collaborators cheered. The comic said, "That's how high my dog jumped last night". Uproarious laughter from the patriots. Keep sticking it to 'em, Andrew. You're a f*ckin' hero. WE SALUTE YOU. And anybody who hates you is a Nazi or worse.
    465
  10. Interesting video from Paul Joseph Watson. A senior engineer at the sub's company raised concerns about the sub's safety and was sacked. The company's CEO is on record as disliking to hire 50-year-old white males. That's despite the fact that this is precisely the kind of person who's had decades of experience (often ex-military) and they know what they're doing. Instead, the CEO has gone all-out for diversity. One of the new women employees posted a laughing video about how funny it was to get her straight white employees to visit a drag show. Yeah, get your priorities right.
    456
  11. I've never blamed foxes for what they do in the henhouse. Foxes simply do what's in their nature. I blame the persons who hold the hen house door open and invite the foxes inside. What would you expect?
    442
  12. I hope the pub landlord is watching videos like this. He's a hero.
    422
  13. The shepherds invited wolves into our sheep pen. What happened next? I don't blame the wolves. I blame the shepherds.
    412
  14. Too many disgraces. I can't count them all. Even if I was Diane Abbott.
    404
  15. THIS is why GB News should pay Andrew to perform comic interludes. I want Andrew to review the morning newspapers, alongside the likes of The Guardian's Yasmin Alibhai Brown. Can. You. Imagine?
    392
  16. I want GB News to hire Andrew for comic interludes and press reviews.
    386
  17. Two minute point: "Our democracy appears to be set up to give absolutely nobody what they want". Damned right there.
    383
  18. YOU'RE BACK! THANK GOD! YIPPEE! WELCOME, ANDY! REJOICE!
    365
  19. Andrew is so BRILLIANT, he deserves a comedy series on BBC TV. Oh, wait...
    362
  20. ANDREW IF YOU'RE READING THIS: This is your best rant ever. Absolutely phenomenal writing and delivery. You are getting better and better.
    344
  21. The worst part of "Three weeks to flatten the curve" is the first six months.
    338
  22. I wish the UK had an electoral system which didn't guarantee a Uniparty victory.
    308
  23. Fugees always get priority in social housing. A fugee arrives, is granted "right to remain" and immediately invites his wife, kids and two lots of grandparents to join him. Obviously they'll get priority over a native-Brit couple who've put off starting a family because they've got nowhere to live. The native Brits can't raise a deposit for a mortgage because the exorbitant cost of renting privately means they're unable to save. Hence the collapse in the birth rate among native Brits and their inevitable replacement by Africans and Asians. All part of the plan.
    301
  24. There has been no greater theft of land from the English people, since Duke William stole our land from the English earls and freemen and awarded it to his invading army. The UK population has increased by more than 6,000,000 since 2000. The ONLY way to get a home in many cities is to rely on state or council housing. Homes are routinely awarded to the invaders in preference to the native people.
    296
  25. An excellent rant, as always.
    292
  26. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Zero chance of winning a seat but a great event for a great cause.
    289
  27. THIS is a good example of why GB News should hire Andrew for comic interludes, press reviews and so on. I've previously posted similar comments on other videos by Andrew. Forgive me if you've seen my comments before, but the idea has merit and it deserves repetition.
    286
  28. If Keir can't visit homophobic churches, he should never never NEVER visit a mosque.
    279
  29. REMEMBER: The BBC hates you. Give it back to them.
    276
  30. My advice to school leavers: Train as a plumber. Unlike graduates, they're in great demand and highly paid. Unlike NHS surgeons, they can speak English.
    274
  31. Keef stole Andrew's phone (between drinks and tear-ups) and made the tweets which got Andrew into trouble. Andrew Lawrence is Innocent.
    270
  32. Hahaha! Andrew is brilliant! The BBC should give him a series! - Oh wait...
    262
  33. TONY BLAIR: "Edukashun, edukashun, educashun". five minutes later TONY BLAIR: "Let's fight an illegal war by invading a foreign country, based upon lies which we ourselves created".
    261
  34. I refuse to fund an organisation which seeks my ethnic replacement.
    260
  35. I want Keef Kuntabout as the next Doctor Who. "Oi you f*ckin' Daleks, p*ss off or I'll shaft you with my sonic screwdriver".
    250
  36. Staggeringly truthful.
    247
  37. Novak's no vax status is heroic.
    242
  38. Sensible people need to create cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed. It's an act of righteous resistance.
    242
  39. Laughing at an illegal joke is a hate crime. Expect to be arrested, handcuffed and strip-searched by a gay policeman, or a policewoman who resembles your gay nana.
    234
  40. Andrew deserves his own TV series on the BBC or Channel 4 oh hang on...
    232
  41. Now we know why Andrew can't get a job with the BBC. He's too white. And too funny.
    230
  42. THIS is why Andrew should be hired by GB News for comic interludes.
    225
  43. I wanna go back to the 1960s and change the Conservative Party's system for electing its leaders. Enoch would've been the Tory leader. No entry to the Common Market. No mass irrigation. (Ce4t1ve spelling to dodge the Al Gore rhythms.)
    223
  44. The university at my town is about 70% Indian and Nigerian. The universities are run like businesses. They make more money from overseas students than from UK students. Scarcely any of those students return to their countries. Their student status is used for acquiring the right to remain, and they invite their extended families to join them. No names or pack-drill, but I'm situated within this mess and I confirm that's how it works.
    207
  45. Should we rename the MG Midget? It was based on the Sprite. Perhaps that name offends people who don't accept the existence of supernatural woodland creatures.
    205
  46. A new version of the Four Yorkshiremen Sketch: "I had it hard growing up, going to school by Range Rover because we were too poor to use the Bentley. I came from a split family. I don't know who my real father was, 'cos my mum was always off shagging rugby players, a Muslim and her riding instructor. Like other kids from broken homes, I joined the Army after leaving school. After the Army I had so much PTSD from dressing as a Nazi, I took to drink and drugs and married the first ex-porn actress who'd have me. And when I tell my wife how hard I had it, she won't believe me".
    203
  47. I've been in that position myself. A woman was attacked. She ran away and was hiding in a public park. This was in a busy and supposedly pleasant town. I made about a dozen 999 calls to the police. It took 50 minutes before the cops arrived. By that time she'd evaded her attacker and come home in tears. Cop was too f*cking incompetent to even obtain a statement or a description. "Oh you're back home now" and just went away.
    198
  48. A university degree is absolutely essential if you want a job, stacking shelves in a supermarket. (NO DISRESPECT INTENDED TO ANYONE READING THIS WHO STACKS SHELVES IN SUPERMARKETS.)
    194
  49. I'm trying to find any part of this parody which isn't a truthful, factual demonstration of genuine leftist views.
    190
  50. A 24-pack of Asda toilet paper has gone up from £7 to £9.20 in the past year. I can barely afford to wipe my own arse.
    188
  51. SAD FACT: There is no replacement for Boris who'd be any better.
    182
  52. Interesting video from Alex Belfield - go find it. Huge gatherings of Asians in a public park in Leicester, singing and dancing. No sign of the police, who were terrified to intervene because the crowd was non-white. Brownshirts in yellow jackets prefer arresting little white grannies sitting on park benches.
    182
  53. Being excluded from TV and live performance is possibly making Andrew work harder. His talent is being sharpened and he's becoming funnier. Marshal Zhukov had a saying: "Train hard, fight easy". That's what's happening with our Andrew.
    182
  54. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament.
    181
  55. I trust Andrew more than I trust Boris. ANDREW FOR PM! YAY! But I'd prefer Keef Kuntabout as PM. Can you imagine?
    178
  56. One day, telling the truth will be illegal. Look what they did to Enoch, and that was more than half a century ago. It's a lot worse now.
    176
  57. If lockdowns worked, the pandemic would have ended six months ago.
    175
  58. ANDREW IF YOU'RE READING THIS: At the next general election, please stand for Parliament as Keef. Hold several "hustings", public meetings where you can expound your policies. Book a theatre or a hall. Sell tickets. This won't be a comedy gig, it'll be a political meeting. Keef is a character on a par with "The Pub Landlord" but less woke.
    172
  59. Andrew deserves slots on GB News, for comic interludes. (EDIT : I previously wrote "comic relief", but that could have been misunderstood.) "Private Eye" magazine has sold out to the BBC. We need genuine, authentic satire and criticism of the establishment. You can't get that from anybody who wants a job with the mainstream broadcasters. Andrew is fresh, original and untainted by any association with controlled comedy. Bless him.
    171
  60. I'd clap for the NHS, but one arm turned septic, went black, withered and has fallen off whilst I've been on "hold" for six months, waiting for an appointment.
    162
  61. Remember: Those pay rates for train drivers are BEFORE overtime. Add a bit of overtime and it's 90 grand a year.
    156
  62. ANDREW - Please stand for Parliament! Little chance of getting elected, but your hustings meetings will be WONDERFUL!
    153
  63. Terry Slimebag should be on the panel of the next series of "QI". Every kind of leftie bisexual unfunny comedian gets hired for the panel. Why not Terry Slimebag? Or Andrew Lawrence?
    152
  64. Sir Keir probably pays less tax than everyone reading this. But Blair pays even less.
    141
  65. Clap for the NHS which gave the clap to little children.
    140
  66. I miss the days when sick sexual deviants were too ashamed to admit their tastes in public.
    136
  67. Good to see how Andrew is getting better and better. This is excellent training for Andrew's future career.
    135
  68. I WANT ANDREW LAWRENCE AS THE NEW DOCTOR WHO! I hope somebody will create an online petition. I'll sign.
    134
  69. Andrew looks increasingly like Vincent van Gogh. One of his paintings on the wall in the background. Lust for life. If Andrew appears next week with a bandage on his ear, we'll know what happened.
    130
  70. To save the planet, let's all glue ourselves to the road and throw soup at works by Van Gogh. That'll work, right?
    127
  71. Andrew does some of the Best Rants EVER.
    123
  72. England shouldn't take the knee to a political movement which seeks our destruction. The last time that happened was the England-Germany game in 1938. England performed the Nazi salute. What happened next?
    122
  73. Blackface camo cream for night operations is waycist.
    121
  74. PLEASE STAND FOR PARLIAMENT, ANDREW !!!
    120
  75. Andrew gets funnier and funnier.
    119
  76. The story might be complete fiction. The newspaper story came from an anonymous Tory MP, who probably doesn't exist. The Guardian published a tale many years ago, alleging John Cleese and another Python had a fist fight, with John sitting on the other Python and punching him. The full story was revealed in a chapter of the book, "Monty Python: The Case Against". The Guardian journalist was eventually forced to admit he'd made-up and invented the entirely false story. The anonymous "friend of the Pythons" who'd tipped him off didn't exist. I expect the same applies here.
    118
  77. Amusing to see how Andrew resembles Vincent Van Gogh, especially with that painting on the wall behind him.
    116
  78. Andrew does excellent rants. Paul Joseph Watson is brilliant as well. Unlike Paul, Andrew can perform the entire rant in a single shot (no cuts). Many hours of preparation and effort are required to make a three minute video look easy. Serious talent on display here. I hope Andrew reads our comments and is pleased with the respect we show him.
    116
  79. The crime statistics are routinely manipulated. Small crimes in my area are reclassified as "incidents" so they don't enter the crime statistics at all. Petty crimes (bike thefts, etc.) are rarely investigated or solved. Deleting them from the statistics makes the clear-up rate look twice as good.
    113
  80. Starmer meets Biden. STARMER: "Hello, Joe". BIDEN: "That's funny, that's my name as well".
    112
  81. I WANT KEEF TO STAND FOR PARLIAMENT. I'd vote for him. He could put his party political broadcasts on YouTube. Oi oi!
    111
  82. The lockdown is bad news for rent boys. Westminster rent boys are almost penniless and starving. They'd have nothing to put in their mouths if it wasn't for Keith Vaz.
    110
  83. 2021: The year when it's a criminal offence to sit on a park bench.
    108
  84. In Peter Griffin's voice: "It's a wonderful day for pie".
    106
  85. There was a time when the shop staff's sexual identity was regarded as irrelevant.
    106
  86. If Keir Starmer made a video, nobody would recognise who it was.
    103
  87. What - no posthumous honour for Dr. David Kelly?
    103
  88. Andrew's characters are equivalent to those created by the late Dick Emery, or Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.
    101
  89. 40-odd years ago, the BBC was making its complete works of Shakespeare plays. The plays were receiving poor audience figures, so the BBC wanted to spice up the ratings by hiring James Earl Jones to play Othello. The actors union Equity fiercely opposed this, because they claimed the job should go to a British actor rather than American. No protests now that a non-Brit African gay is hired to play the Doctor.
    100
  90. Comedians can only tell inoffensive jokes, like "Why did the chicken cross the road?" But that's hate speech as well, because it encourages violence against animals.
    99
  91. I recall the movie "Little Big Man". Dustin Hoffman plays a young man, adopted by an Indian chief played by Chief Dan George. They say to each other before battle, "It's a good day to die". That's my response to Indian covid. It's a good day to die. Bring it on!
    97
  92. It's compulsory for SNP leaders to have fish names.
    97
  93. Miss Piggy was upset when she visited Kermit's family. The frogs all wondered how pink their tadpoles would be.
    97
  94. The UK is a one party state but, like the politicians and their houses, we've got two of them.
    95
  95. NEVER FORGET: The BBC hates you. Hate them back. Additional targets include Channel 4 and most newspapers.
    92
  96. ANDREW IF YOU'RE READING THIS - Please stand for Parliament. Hire a hall and do a "hustings", with you on stage and possibly a couple of other antiwoke comedians in support.
    92
  97. Please Andrew, stand for Parliament at the next general election. Organise a political hustings at a theatre. Charge people for entry. Maybe invite a few other non-woke artistes to appear on the same bill. I'd vote for Keef any day.
    91
  98. I refuse to fund a corporation which seeks my ethnic replacement.
    90
  99. Issue striped pyjamas and compulsory injections. One queue for the fit, another queue for persons too old to work. Have a shower afterwards. Work makes you free. It's all about hygiene and cleansing. Respond to the knock on the door or they'll smash it in. Nazis with yellow hi-vis jackets because they ran out of brown shirts.
    87
  100. Peter was right: "Shut up Meg".
    87
  101. Harry wants to become the new Salman Rushdie. Like Rushdie, Harry wrote a book and then offended Islam. Rushdie fears for his life, lives as a recluse and never goes out in public. Will Harry hide away and never appear in public again? I hope so.
    87
  102. BORIS: "There's a new Indian variant but I don't know where it's come from".
    85
  103. I used to have a Halifax account. I met a young woman in a night club. She worked at the Halifax and I wanted to get my leg over. I failed and closed my account. I assume she was a woman. But I don't know, I'm not a biologist.
    85
  104. I wanna swap Rishi for Putin as the British PM.
    84
  105. FUN FACT: During the German occupation of the invaded countries (France, Holland, Belgium, Denmark and everywhere else) scarcely ANYBODY in the general population opposed them. More than 99% of the population co-existed, tolerated and thereby assisted in their own enslavement. Docile acceptance is a human characteristic. We're sheep accepting our passage to the abattoir.
    83
  106. I want Jezza, Hamster and the Captain to be hired to privatise the BBC. They understand broadcasting and they've got an axe to grind. Split the BBC into its component parts and sell it off, like breaking a clapped-out car for its parts. There's no quicker way to put the BBC upside-down, in a ditch and on fire.
    83
  107. The good thing about Glastonbury is its lack of diversity.
    79
  108. ANDREW - Please go on tour with other disreputable YouTube performers. I'll buy a ticket!
    79
  109. EASY WAY TO FIX THE CROSS-CHANNEL MIGRANT PROBLEM: Hire a French security company to find migrants in boats as they cross the channel. Tow the boats back to France. Disable every boat on landing..
    77
  110. When Keir Starmer went to his own party, nobody knew who he was.
    76
  111. Damned excellent rant, Andrew. Thankyou for voicing our thoughts with greater eloquence than we could muster. This is real quality stuff. No jokes this time. Because this isn't funny any more.
    76
  112. Andrew is getting better and better. Hard work is developing his skills.
    76
  113. Andrew looks more and more like Vincent Van Gogh every day, hence the print on the wall behind him. A thousand videos is good. I'm pleased Andrew hasn't cut his ear off yet. Andrew is our bearded ginger prince whom we respect.
    74
  114. The best ways out of poverty are to get an education and/or work long hours. That's how I did it. The lockdown harms the education of working class children more than the wealthy. The lockdown prevents working class people from working long hours. If you're from a poorer, work-yourself-out-of poverty background: You're f*cked.
    73
  115. At some point in our lives, every one of us has met Sergeant Constable Detective Officer Pisspot. I miss Sergeant Dixon. So sad he was hacked to death in a mostly peaceful BLM demonstration.
    72
  116. The name of these sweets promotes midgets as gems. Surely this is a NICE thing to say. As a person of normal stature, I'm offended that I can't be described as a gem.
    70
  117. Somebody should tell Keef Fluffabout that this bloke Andrew keeps imitating him.
    68
  118. I'd sooner die than live in fear.
    66
  119. Andrew will get his door kicked in and he'll be arrested in three, two, one... He'll get a cell alongside Julian Assange. "Did you get arrested for telling the truth as well?"
    66
  120. Any day now, Andrew will be thrown into a cell alongside Russell Brand, Julian Assange and Alex Belfield. "Are you in here for telling the truth as well?"
    65
  121. Joe can't find Ukraine on a map. Joe can't find the map. Joe can't find his trousers.
    65
  122. FIRST 'cos I've got white privilege. The BBC told me so.
    64
  123. I myself am hemorrhaging internally, struggling to breathe and intermittently pissing myself because Andrew makes me laugh too much.
    63
  124. A nuclear winter will cancel-out global warming. I see no downside to this.
    62
  125. Compare the allegations against Giggs with what Boy George actually did. Boy George was imprisoned a few years ago, after chaining and beating a rent boy, who escaped and ran naked down the street, taking refuge in a shop, where the shopkeeper phoned the police. Yet Boy George is repeatedly re-invited to appear on the BBC. On that basis, perhaps Mr. Giggs will shortly replace Gary Lineker.
    62
  126. A quarter of all deaths? Diane says that's almost one in ten.
    62
  127. Fresh goals for 2022. They'll all miss if Southgate selects the penalty-takers.
    61
  128. I don't dislike Diane because of her African ancestry. I don't dislike Owen Jones because he's gay. I don't dislike Shamima Begum because she's a widow. There are LOADS of other reasons.
    61
  129. Nearly 50% of school leavers attend university. Nearly 100% of those graduates get a job which is wholly unrelated to their course. (I exaggerate for comic effect, but not by much.)
    61
  130. I loved the anti-establishment TV humour of the 1980s, even though I was a hardline Thatcherite. Rik in The Young Ones, shouting "Thatcher!" as an insult. The "Comic Strip" making shows like "GLC", or their wonderful movie, "The Strike", with a comedian playing Al Pacino as Arthur Scargill. Or their movie "Eat the Rich". A wrestler playing the Home Secretary, having an illicit love affair with Queen Elizabeth, both of them returning to Buck House late at night, blind drunk and waking the corgis. "I'm the 'ome secretary and I can't even type". Did I try to destroy the careers of Ade Edmundson and his like? No. Free speech is WONDERFUL.
    59
  131. Andrew - Please attend some anti-lockdown protests with a megaphone and a soap box. Do a live gig. First as Keef and then as Prof. Gideon.
    58
  132. PLEASE ANDREW - Stand for Parliament at the next general election. Hire a hall for your hustings. Sell tickets. Invite a few other cancelled comedians.
    58
  133. How does he know the kid is his?
    58
  134. PETER GRIFFIN: "Shut up Meg". ANDREW LAWRENCE: "Shut up Harry". They're both correct.
    56
  135. I find happiness in Andrew's videos.
    56
  136. Don't forget to wear hi-vis yellow jacket over their camo jackets.
    55
  137. Donald Trump issued a very loving and kind tribute to Her Majesty. We know who our friends are.
    55
  138. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, ANDREW: Please stand for Parliament at the next general election. Stand as Keef Kuntabout. You are legally entitled to hold a public meeting (hustings). Sell tickets. Do 15 minutes as Keef. Short interval. Change of clothing. Appear in the middle of the audience as Prof. Gideon Micropenis. Short interval. Appear on stage as a Sergeant Detective Inspector from Twat Valley, giving advice about social distancing. Short interval. And so on. What a tear-up!
    53
  139. Please Andrew - stand for Parliament at the next general election. I'd vote for you. We need more comedians to become prime ministers and presidents. It worked in Ukraine.
    53
  140. Enoch's ghost is saying, "I told you so".
    51
  141. I'm looking forward to the BBC's new series about gay black men seeking partners via astrology. That's not made-up, it's real, go search. If you buy a TV licence, you funded it. Gay black astrology diversity, yay.
    51
  142. I don't dislike Meg because she's only seven-eighths white. I don't dislike Heather Mills-McCartney because of her missing leg. Plenty of other reasons.
    51
  143. Greta's ghost-writer was Brian Griffin, author of "Faster Than the Speed of Love".
    50
  144. I used to be a Tory activist. I attended the Conservative Party Conference (1989?) when the education secretary Ken Baker announced that many tech colleges would be upgraded to university status. The intention was to create more technical and vocational graduates in engineering and science. Instead, most of those new universities offer useless soft art courses. Many of the students are from overseas, seeking only a means of remaining in the UK.
    50
  145. It wasn't even Andrew who made the tweet. Keef Kuntabout stole Andrew's phone during a tear-up.
    49
  146. I'm ALMOST first at getting in here. In Harry's case, he's probably number 200 at getting into Meg..
    49
  147.  @howardbowen-RC-Pilot  Officers "come out" in a different way these days.
    49
  148. The police want to go to these fuel stations and attend to these matters. But they've run out of fuel.
    48
  149. I wondered why Sturgeon has a fish name. Until I sat near her and she opened her legs.
    47
  150. I'd compare Trump with Jesus. An innocent man who tried to save the world, hugely abused and mocked by evil and stupid people. Obviously Trump liked to fork supermodels, but that's 'cos he's a superstud. Like Jesus, TRUMP WILL RISE AGAIN.
    46
  151. Andrew sits in the darkness, silently screaming into the abyss. What - you too?
    46
  152. Sir Keir looks in a mirror. He says, "I don't know who that is".
    45
  153. Harry hired Brian Griffin as his ghost writer. The working titles: "Faster Than the Speed of Love - The Sequel". "Even Faster than Faster Than the Speed of Love". "Even Faster than the Fastest Ever Speed of Love". "Wow I'm Wonderful and Faster than Even the Previous Fastest Speed of Love". It'll be great until Harry comes home early and discovers Brian in bed with Meg. I'm not sure which Meg. They're both repulsive.
    45
  154. Vaccinations make you free. All about hygiene. Take a shower and wear a striped jacket. You will own nothing and be happy.
    44
  155. If OAPs feel cold, they can superglue themselves to the Speaker's chair in the Commons. End of problem.
    43
  156. How the f*ck are they going to put HUNDREDS of angry young men on airliners? HUNDREDS every day, for years to come?
    43
  157. I want Keef Fluffabout as the next Prime Minister! Sex pest, freedom fighter and Tory leadership challenger.
    42
  158. Andrew's bank account will be deleted in three, two, one...
    41
  159. Prince Harry made a big mistake by hiring Brian Griffin (author of "Faster Than the Speed of Love") as his ghost writer for "Spare".
    41
  160. Poor people who can't afford petrol should buy themselves a Tesla. End of problem. Right? Yeah all good.
    41
  161. Glad you appear to be over the flu, Andrew.
    41
  162.  @rexcatston8412  Agreed 100%. The Tories are Labour Lite, same product but less sugar and a pretty blue label.
    41
  163.  @savannahglebe5165  The ENTIRE Uniparty.
    41
  164. Sir Keir looks in the mirror and asks, "Who's that?"
    39
  165. Imagine Amber doing a poo on Keef's bed. Amber would get a one-way ticket to a local river in Keef's car boot. Wearing lots of gaffer tape and some weights.
    39
  166. A million people have been granted visas to live in the UK. Obviously, this has no effect on the housing market. Most people can't afford a first mortgage until they're in their thirties. Half of people will never finish repaying their mortgage within their own lifetimes. Adding a million extra people to the UK's population year upon year upon year won't make home-owning unaffordable, will it?.
    39
  167. This isn't really Andrew. This bloke looks like Prince Harry to me, allowed out without his gimp-gag and leash.
    39
  168. We need more TV shows about transracial butterflies.
    38
  169. Nobody knows who Keir Starmer is. Keir looks in the mirror and thinks, "Who's that bloke?"
    38
  170. Priti Patel watches the movie "Con Air" and thinks, "Hmmmm, that'll work".
    38
  171. Hey Keef - somebody has been doing videos lately who looks just like you. He's called Andrew Lawrence. The best flattery is imitation.
    38
  172. A line from the movie, "The Battle of Britain": "You can teach MONKEYS to fly better than that!" In 2022, the RAF is taking the line literally.
    38
  173. Same as the BBC and the coppers.
    38
  174. HARRY: "I'm beginning to suspect my wife is a gold-digging narcissist". PAUL McCARTNEY: "How many legs did she have? I had one like that".
    37
  175. Thanks, my good blue-painted friend!
    37
  176. I want Matt Berry as the new Doctor. (Toast, What We Do in the Shadows, etc.)
    36
  177. Brilliant opening few seconds.
    36
  178. WELL DONE THE LIONESSES !!! I'm impressed! Now I want to see these women play against a typical under-16 boys secondary school team. I wonder if they'll still win.
    36
  179. ANDREW AT THE 1.55 POINT - "Jeremy Hunt has come up with a new raft". He should've just gone to the Dover beaches. Plenty of secondhand rafts lying abandoned.
    36
  180. George Cross.
    35
  181. Andrew's characters are as telling as those developed by Harry Enfield and the late Dick Emery.
    34
  182. Deserves to be on BBC radio! Oh, wait...
    34
  183.  @dianeabbottsfootwearassist  ...as does your name.
    34
  184. I'd like next year's Eurovision entry to be two priests singing about their lovely horse.
    33
  185. Jeremy Hunt is the best Cockney rhyming slang since the former home secretary, Douglas Hurd.
    33
  186. David Lammy blames institutional racism and Brexit. Probably.
    33
  187.  @anthonysullivan2973  Both parties are identical and I despise them equally.
    33
  188. ANDREW IS BRILLIANT! HE DESERVES A TV SERIES, WITH A CONTRACT FROM THE BBC OR CHANNEL 4 ...oh hang on...
    32
  189. Regarding property values: Every year, more than a million entry visas are granted to migrants, plus there are hundreds of thousands of illegal migrants. Are we building enough new homes to keep pace? No.
    32
  190. Who's Andrew? Surely this if Keef Kuntabout.
    31
  191. The quotation from the 50 second point means all comedy is now dead. If I can't make jokes about gays, mother in laws or sex, nothing is allowed any more.
    31
  192. Diane says 100% is nearly a quarter.
    31
  193. Don't worry, the new agreement with the French will sort it out. The new agreement is better than the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that, the Rwandan agreement, and the agreement before that, and the agreement before that. Right? Right? Yeah all good then.
    31
  194. I'd like to see Diane Abbott do this. How would Boris react?
    30
  195. I worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Eat pasta, drink beer and get laid. What's not to like? I send my best wishes to every Christian, Sikh, Hindu and atheist who's reading this. I send no greetings to the RoP 'cos they can't consume pasta or beer.
    30
  196. Are there any other MSPs with fish-names? Otherwise it's be difficult to replace Sturgeon and Salmond.
    29
  197. Get the Labour Party the kind of leader it actually needs: Diane Abbott.
    29
  198. The next time the cops ty to stop me in my car, I'll refuse to comply and drive away.
    29
  199. Owen Jones based his entire career on the legend of the Peoples Poet. Silly narcissistic lefty from a posh family. Loses the argument, shouts "Fascist!" and storms off..
    29
  200. I love going to my local tip. They've always got a pile of half-empty paint cans. People can take as much free paint as they want. Saves me £hundreds per year.
    29
  201. Joe Biden thinks it's right to arm bears.
    29
  202. Harry needs protection. Can we all crowd-fund a packet of condoms and send them air mail?
    29
  203. Some seriously good writing here.
    28
  204.  @martinbrandom2654  The troops already have their safety helmets and safety boots, but NATO can't intervene without hi-vis yellow waistcoats over their camouflage.
    28
  205. I think of Gates. I think of angry sea bass with lasers attached to their heads.
    28
  206. Alternative title: The Kalergi-age continues.
    28
  207.  @samfazers8818  I left a reply here an hour ago, but it's been deleted. From memory, I think I wrote Khan has a permanent majority which gets bigger every year. I can't see what part of this is untrue or hurtful.
    28
  208. Great accent!
    28
  209. RESIST ANGLOPHOBIA!
    28
  210. Please Andrew: At the next general election, please stand for Parliament under Keef's name. Or Professor Gideon. Or equivalent. Hire a couple of halls for your hustings. Sell tickets. Do a turn as Keef. Then another as Sergeant Detective Inspector Pisspot. And so on.
    27
  211. Nobody's in charge. Boris is a nobody.
    27
  212. Andrew speaks for every parent. My son has become "Kevin the Teenager" (Harry Enfield reference) thanks to his raging hormones. Soon I'll only need to deal with my menopausal wife's hormones...
    27
  213.  @tappym9141  I assume Tyrone is saying, "This isn't satire, this is the unvarnished truth".
    27
  214. I trust Andrew, Carl Benjamin, Simon Webb and only a handful of others.
    27
  215. I left an inoffensive comment here 10 minutes ago. I've returned and it's gone. Thanks, Al Gore rhythms. It went down faster than Philip Schofield on a teenage assistant.
    27
  216. The stabbings are mostly peaceful.
    27
  217. Omicron Persei 8 is Lrrr's home planet. He's the space-alien who enjoys the TV show, "Single Female Lawyer".
    27
  218. I've never trusted China-Joe Biden since he stole Peter Griffin's shirt.
    26
  219.  @stevetaylor8698  It's got more culture.
    26
  220. Ralph C. Nesbit has entered the chat.
    26
  221. They're preparing special camps for the unvaccinated. A sign over the entrance, saying work will set us free. 50 people to a hut, for real community spirit. A lovely range of stripy workwear. Don't forget to use showers.
    26
  222. The BBC won't mention the Great Reset. Shows they know what it is and they're complicit. The BBC hate both you and I. I hate them back.
    26
  223. It was never about the virus, but the Great Reset. The virus is just the excuse. The opportunity presented itself and the Resetters used it. Fun fact: No lockdown in Japan and the virus went away. If lockdowns worked, the virus would've disappeared last summer.
    25
  224. Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wilkes Booth and Guy Fawkes had better methods.
    25
  225. Welby is like Jesus: He's Jewish and isn't sure who his real father was. (Confused? Read Welby's Wiki biography.)
    25
  226. Maggie said after she was toppled that she wanted to do much, much more. But she said there were never enough of her allies in the House or in her cabinet to push things through. She always had to tread more lightly than she wanted. A few more Tebbits and his ilk would've achieved great things.
    25
  227. They're Anglophobic.
    25
  228. FIRST! 'cos of my white privilege. The Guardian told me so.
    25
  229. Gallows humour. Perhaps passengers on the Titanic made jokes about returning to their cabins to get their swimming costumes.
    25
  230. Lovely bit of alliteration at the start of Andrew's rant.
    24
  231. Gary did indeed allow a migrant to live in his house for a few months. I suspect the situation resembled the old Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse sketches. The ones where a posh family kept a northerner as a pet.
    24
  232. Laurence Fox said nothing wrong.
    24
  233. I'd like to leave a comment, but Channel 4 won't allow me because I'm white.
    24
  234. I want Andrew to be offered a Channel 4 TV series.
    23
  235. Bond needs to be a white heterosexual male. No harm in creating a SECOND character to extend the franchise. No harm in creating "008" as a black female spy. Use the same "Bond universe", in the same way the Marvel movies are interconnected. Bond smashes his Aston, and in the next movie, Q is showing a gadget to 008. She points at the wrecked Aston and asks, "What happened there?" Q replies, "It doesn't matter, but make sure YOU return YOUR kit in better condition". Similarly, 008 might be waiting outside M's office as Bond leaves in a huff. Bond himself needs to be a cool, fornicating, wise-cracking killer on Her Majesty's service. Wanna mess with that? Extend the franchise, but don't mess with Bond himself. 'Cos everything woke turns to sh*t.
    23
  236. I'm sick of Anglophobia. Keep posting that until they ban us.
    23
  237. Train drivers are richer than me.
    23
  238.  @susanleatherbarrow2495  Charles is almost as wealthy as Blair.
    22
  239. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. It's worked before. Ukraine's president started out as a stand up comedian. Imagine Andrew as prime minister at PM Questions. "I'm Keef Fluffabout, prime minister, freedom fighter and sex pest. Oi oi!".
    22
  240. Calling Owen Jones a wanker is like calling a motorist a car-driver. What part of this would be untrue?
    22
  241.  @herbaliser4207  God help Matthew B if he watches the movie "Airplane!" Jokes about gays, paedophiles, bestiality, gays, amputees, abortion, blacks, Jews, Christians, veterans with PTSD (100 other examples omitted) and women called Shirley. He'll have a f*ckin' meltdown.
    22
  242. 50 years from now, the living will envy the dead.
    22
  243.  @robgreen2197  Everyone who buys a licence is paying for the propaganda for their own replacement.
    21
  244. I suck on Polo mints, and my family gathers around to hold up their hands near my breath.
    21
  245. Interesting to watch the inauguration of the first Chinese-American president.
    21
  246.  @monteceitomoocher  Shows Andrew's skill as a comedian. He can say these things with humour. You and I can't write these comments or replies without depressing ourselves.
    21
  247. As soon as Diana could, she packed her kids off to nannies and boarding schools, so that she could have more time slagging with rugby players, rich Muslims and her riding instructor.
    21
  248. My local supermarket has loads of graduates at the checkouts.
    21
  249. In all seriousness, I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Obviously he won't win, but he'll get his message to a wider audience.
    21
  250. It's becoming hard to laugh. The covid crap isn't funny any more. Andrew does a great job at satirising the insanity, but I'm too angry to laugh.
    21
  251. 50% ? Diane says that's nearly a quarter of the population.
    21
  252. As a middle aged bloke, I demand participation in the Olympics Marathon event in my Alfa Romeo.
    20
  253. Prince Philip is the last great heterosexual white male.
    20
  254. If only we could dig a moat-like trench around the UK and fill it with water, I'm sure this wouldn't happen.
    20
  255. I'll respect Channel 4 if they offer Andrew Lawrence a TV series. But he won't get one. Because Andrew is too white and probably not transgender.
    20
  256. I'd prefer to vote for Andrew if he stands as Keef Kuntabout. I vote for drinks. I vote for tear-ups. Prof. Gideon Micropenis disagrees.
    20
  257.  @chickenfooker74  Your comment is needlessly offensive and does you no credit.
    20
  258. It's always unwise to upset restaurant staff. You can't know what they might do to your meal before it's delivered to your table. Better approach: Don't leave a tip, don't go there again. It's better than eating the spittle, faecal matter and urine which the waiters might leave in your sauce.
    20
  259. It's barely started.
    20
  260.  @alarmactionukalarmactionuk893  Providing their collar and cuffs match.
    20
  261. What happens if hundreds of angry young men of military age don't want to get on the planes? We've already had camps and hotels burned to the ground, because the illegals disliked the food or had poor wifi. Has anybody ever seen the movie, "Con Air"?
    20
  262. Changing captains AFTER the Titanic has hit the iceberg.
    19
  263. BRING BACK THE WINTER OF DISCONTENT !!! (Winter of 1978/79, when bodies couldn't be buried, rubbish couldn't be collected and the entire country seemed on the point of collapse. Seems like heaven compared to this.)
    19
  264. 1 FIRST 'cos I've got white privilege, claims the BBC.
    19
  265.  @KLiCuk1  Actually, the bloke might have been a Dutchman in Holland. I've got a magazine article somewhere which names the comic, but I can't find it.
    19
  266. Tony Blair told us his priorities were "Educashun, educashun and educashun". What happened next?
    19
  267.  @trustnuffin9121  Correct. We know that to be correct, because the mainstream media condemns us for saying it. If we weren't speaking the truth, we'd be ignored instead.
    19
  268.  @chrisneedham5803  Prof. Gideon Micropenis regards your comment as homophobic. He seeks your cancellation because of your microaggression. But he'll accept five minutes with you in a public toilet instead.
    19
  269. Occasionally leave the stage. Return as Prof. Gideon Micropenis and other characters, explaining why people MUST NOT vote for Keef.
    19
  270.  @chrismith251  If you like the comment, please repeat it widely as I do. No copyright.
    19
  271. I don't care any more. I watched Sky News this morning. A BAME presenter speaking with a BAME journalist and seeking insights. Cut to stock footage of BAME Braverman walking with BAME Sunak. Somehow nobody gives a damn about British values any more.
    18
  272. The only comic who's not Anglophobic.
    18
  273. Barry Pieface is my role model.
    18
  274. Meg does a poo on Harry's bed and he claims it's scented with roses.
    18
  275. If Putin had rubber dinghies, his army would be in London in a week.
    18
  276. I'd like to see a stand-up fist-fight between Keef and any cabinet minister. My money's on Keef winning. He loves a tear-up.
    18
  277.  @eilidh771  maybe Philip Schofield would welcome them.
    18
  278.  @wadelowther2993  They're replacing my ethics too?!?!?
    18
  279. I'm a victim of Anglophobia.
    17
  280. Sometimes the news is nothing to laugh about.
    17
  281. Prince Charles did the same thing when referring to Harry Hewitt.
    17
  282. CAN ANYBODY SEE THIS COMMENT? YT keeps shadow-banning me.
    17
  283. Was this is the woman who's on record, laughing at male suicides? Or was that Jess Philips? Two faeces from the same diseased bowel.
    17
  284.  @jamesstone9091  You start a petition and I'll sign it. This will enrage Prof. Gideon Micropenis and a copper from the Twat Valley force will come to arrest you.
    17
  285.  @matthewbh1976  Nope. It's impossible for ANY jokes to be made these days. What's allowed depends on the narrative of the person being offended. Jokes about chickens crossing the road are offensive to vegans.
    17
  286.  @andrewfairborn6762  You're asking whether I like racist jokes. No, Diane Abbott is a racist joke and I dislike her. (Just for clarity, I'd dislike Diane even if she was a blue-eyed blond of Scandinavian origin.)
    17
  287. Shut up Meg.
    17
  288. 1 FIRST 'cos I've got white privilege. The BBC told me so.
    16
  289. That's an excellent comment. Please repeat widely. More people need to read it.
    16
  290. I can't stand Rishi Sunak. I prefer Rashid Snook, the bloke recommended by Brandon.
    16
  291. Apart from that, it's all good.
    16
  292.  @miranda4903  Perhaps GB News is indeed controlled opposition.
    16
  293. 1 FIRST 'cos I've got white privilege, claims Channel 4.
    16
  294. I never heard about that in the British media. I wonder why not... (We all know.)
    16
  295.  @fisherman5517  Yeah, I should believe a comment by somebody who can't spell "Satanist". Also: People are allowed to speak or write utter rubbish. It doesn't mean you have to agree with their writing. If you disagree with somebody's book, CLOSE THE BOOK. End of problem. But don't go murdering somebody for holding a view you dislike.
    16
  296. Andrew's too truthful.
    16
  297. FIRST! 'cos I've got white privilege.
    15
  298. Rishi is one of the wealthiest people in the UK. I wish he'd Foxtrot Oscar.
    15
  299.  @beecat9951  The English minority can't vote their way out of this.
    15
  300. As a Cornishman, I hope both teams lose.
    15
  301.  @andyhobbs2812  "Oh Cliff, I wonder if you really are a cliff... when those fascists try to break you!"
    15
  302. @j4Rose Correct.
    15
  303. FUN FACT: The word pronounced "ginger" is Korean for "just like that!" Also, "chinchin" is Japanese for "pen15". Gotta spell things that way or YT's algorithms cancel me.
    15
  304. Banning Andrew makes him hone and perfect his craft. Wokist w*nkers working for the BBC would never work this hard. Damn, he's getting good.
    15
  305. I saw the snooker protest. I want Andrew to jump on top of Sadiq Khan and tip orange powder over him. Nothing to do with Just Stop Oil. I just want somebody to jump on top of Sadiq Khan and tip orange powder over him.
    15
  306. I left a similar comment. I've returned after ten minutes and it's been deleted. Telling the truth is a threat to free speech, apparently.
    15
  307. And that's why Andrew could never be hired by a British TV broadcaster. Same as Neil Oliver. He'll never get another contract to make archeology programmes. All the contracts will go to suntanned people who claim ancient Britons looked like Nigerians.
    15
  308. The BBC would cancel him for this comment. But it's a very long time since the BBC was funny.
    15
  309. Howard Bowen's Reply appears to have disappeared. Perhaps YT disliked a word or a phrase and banned him.
    15
  310. Fucstick Metropolitan University: For studunts who beleev maffs and speling are rasist.
    14
  311. This is why I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Zero chance of winning a seat, but his speeches will be epic.
    14
  312.  @rontheretiredone  Go on one knee like the England footballers. "That's what I did for my black boyfriend last night".
    14
  313. WE NEED ANDREW TO BE HIRED BY GB NEWS FOR COMIC INTERLUDES. (Forgive me if you've seen my same comment on other AL videos. You know it's true and it deserves repetition.)
    14
  314. I'm sick of Anglophobia.
    14
  315. We'd have none of these problems if the Museums (creative spelling for a religion which might get my comment removed) were only 1/100th of the population.
    14
  316. 1 FIRST and Wokeby claims it's 'cos I've got waycist privilege.
    14
  317. Blackface camo cream for night operations is waycist.
    14
  318. The BBC claims you're First because of white privilege and systemic racism. Being First is elitist. You're obviously a racist. Therefor you deserve having your free speech curtailed. To defend free speech. Oh by the way: It's your BBC. Pay up immediately or we'll convict you of a criminal offence.
    14
  319. Tucker needs to avoid eating, drinking or touching anything in case of nerve-poison.
    14
  320. "Middle aged Maoist dog-botherers". Haha!
    14
  321. Lots of sheep in Scotland.
    14
  322. The Council tip won't allow me entry unless I provide proof of residence (driving licence, etc.). But I can vote without any proof of identity or residence. Democracy is fooked-up.
    14
  323. We need more white people in the 100 metres and 400 metres Commonwealth Games.
    14
  324.  @rb1062  Labour will win the general election in Scotland. Its leader Anas Sarwar is from the same background as Yousaf. Sarwar's father was an "British" MP who resigned, returned to his native India and became the governor of a region there. Twisted loyalties.
    14
  325. I'd laugh so hard I'd break a rib. You can't write "slaughter" without "laughter".
    13
  326. Damned good comment.
    13
  327. Was the driver a Mason?
    13
  328. I wouldn't want to fork a trans-person. Saying that on TV would get me cancelled.
    13
  329.  @truthwillprevail5241  Thankyou. Will the organisers be fined £10,000?
    13
  330. BOB MONKHOUSE: "People laughed when I told them I wanted to be a comedian They're not laughing now".
    13
  331. I want Keef to apply for the job. Loves a drink, loves a tear-up, and a sex pest. Oh sorry, that's the OLD Met, not the new version. The new Met is gay, transgender and Muslim.
    13
  332. Understood. The worst of the misery for all parties is now ended. I hope things get better for you and them.
    13
  333. Lenny Henry sold it to me.
    13
  334. I suspect Morgan and Walliams are secret gay lovers.
    13
  335. GB News should hire Andrew to do cameo comedy snippets.
    13
  336.  @franko1174  "Family Guy" makes jokes about British teeth. I'm not offended.
    13
  337. Rishi is taking notes.
    13
  338. Somebody should tell Keef Fluffabout that this bloke Andrew keeps imitating him.
    13
  339. Not for long. Andrew doesn't have a licence for being funny.
    13
  340. Good comment. Please repeat widely.
    13
  341.  @sanjikaspinoni8396  Diane says eleventy-twelvety % of graduates get a job connected to their degree, which is 500%.
    13
  342. Fool on the hill.
    13
  343. I hope so.
    12
  344.  @blitzerblazinoah6838  Huw can buy pictures of my meat and two veg for 35 grand.
    12
  345. I have pink skin, red lips, blue eyes, yellow teeth and grey hair. I demand to be recognised as a person of colour. Gimme reparations.
    12
  346. I'm waiting for my regular architect to draw up some plans for alterations to my business premises. He's been off work for a month because of the vaccination.
    12
  347. And Brexit. And waycists.
    12
  348. Diane says that's cheaper than buying a new pair of shoes.
    12
  349.  @trustnuffin9121  I want Trump to set up his own social media company. Something equivalent to YouTube and Facebook. He'd have hundreds of millions of subscribers within a week. Try deplatforming THAT, bitches !!!
    12
  350. "Angels One-Five... uhh... that's the same as eleventy right?"
    12
  351. The French generals have threatened a civil war. Trouble is: In a civil war, to whom would the French surrender?
    12
  352. (Yorkshire accent) Eeh we 'ad no electricity when I were a kid. All we 'ad was our dad sucking polo mints and we all warmed our 'ands on 'is breath". (Second Yorkshireman) "Polo mints? All we 'ad was a piece of coal for us dad to suck on". (Third Yorkshireman) "Coal? That were luxury. We used to DREAM of 'aving a piece of coal..."
    12
  353. I come here for the videos. I stay for the truthful, clever and funny comments.
    12
  354.  @paulsayers580  Good comment. Please repeat widely.
    12
  355. I am British. I have the teeth to prove it.
    12
  356. It's disgusting that Jussie Smollett's attacker is out on bail.
    12
  357. Your comment is wise. Please repeat widely.
    12
  358.  @matthewbh1976  THAT's HILARIOUS! Nothing wrong with ANY of those tweets!
    12
  359. I'm always amazed the copper haven't yet kicked in his door and arrested him for speaking the truth.
    12
  360. You're doing some damned fine quotes here, OH.
    12
  361. Sitting comfortably in three houses simultaneously.
    12
  362. As a Brit, I feel the same way about the UK. Lots of Canucks and Kiwis feeling the same way.
    12
  363. A leftist would protest via the medium of interpretive dance. I prefer Andrew's song.
    12
  364.  @stevedennison4095  The tale might be 100% genuine. However, the oldest game in the book is for journalists to write, "A friend of such-and-such said" and it's completely invented. It happens ALL THE TIME. So when a newspaper claims an anonymous MP said something, I take it with a pinch of salt. Also - interesting that some other replies to my original comment are invisible.
    12
  365. The sheep own nothing and are happy.
    12
  366.  @Wal-Wil  I'm on the all-meat Atkins Diet right now. Same here.
    11
  367.  Real Surreal  Damned right.
    11
  368.  @jamesmontecristo3305  Dr. Harold Shipman worked for the NHS and murdered possibly HUNDREDS of patients with vaccinations. And I should trust the NHS today because...?
    11
  369. Deserves the George Cross.
    11
  370. Me too. Doing my homework by candle light during the power cuts of the early 1970s.
    11
  371.  @nickgodfrey1148  THANKS! As I recall, the independent journalist started by being antagonistic towards Farage but was won-over by the F-man's authentic genuine beliefs and absence of spin. Obviously we can't have that on an independent channel, can we?
    11
  372. I wanna see a fight between Johnnie Smugface and Keef Fluffabout.
    11
  373. Very true.
    11
  374. Will I require a covid passport before I leave my house?
    11
  375. We're passengers on the Titanic, one minute after the collision. Few yet realise that a horrific disaster has been set in motion, and is now inevitable.
    11
  376. Bring back Jon Pertwee. I know he's dead but he'll still do a better performance.
    11
  377.  @orwellboy1958  "I hear you're a racist now, John Cleese".
    11
  378. I want Keef to stand for Parliament. Imagine him addressing the Commons. "Oi oi you *ankers!"
    11
  379. The sheep own nothing and are happy. They trust their shepherd, but it's their shepherd who will slaughter them.
    11
  380. Men wearing dresses are funny. If blokes don't want me to laugh at them, they shouldn't wear a f*ckin' dress.
    11
  381. I wouldn't want to 5h4g Laurence Fox, but that doesn't mean I'm a bigot.
    11
  382.  @parker-ii7fg  The UK is now institutionally racist against the ethnic white indigenous population.
    11
  383. Tories are frightening us by claiming Labour will give an amnesty to every ill eagle arrival. So... no change there. (Cre4t1ve 5pelling.)
    11
  384. Get him on a one-way flight to Kabul. They'll know what to do.
    11
  385.  @franko1174  I suspect a joke about a chicken crossing the road would offend Matthew B. The joke might be abusive to chickens. No chicken, on hearing a joke about chickens crossing the road, would actually laugh. No, of course not. So there you are. Chicken jokes will be banned forever.
    11
  386.  @johnholmes5674  Hundreds of subsaharan monkeys arriving daily.
    11
  387. If Hancock was filmed snogging a male teenager, he'd be regarded as brave. It worked for Schofield.
    11
  388. QUEEN of the woke.
    11
  389. M&S has been destroying itself for many years.
    11
  390.  @psalmno.51  "The Life of Brian" is a far better movie than "The Passion of the Christ". I watched Mel Gibson's movie all the way and didn't laugh once.
    11
  391. MEDITATE: Sit and do nothing. I do that a lot when I'm not on YouTube.
    11
  392. I was on a school trip to London during the summer of '76. Our teachers encouraged us to queue for the Parliamentary strangers galleries. The queue for the Lords was shorter, and I watched the peers debating the water shortage. This particular day was grey and rainy, with loud cracks of thunder interrupting the speeches, much to the mirth of their lordships.
    11
  393. Hitting nails on heads is hate speech. Nail Lives Matter.
    10
  394. A considered and intelligent comment, HR. Perhaps the statue should've remained in its damaged condition, as with many buildings in Whitehall which retain the scars of wartime bombing. Or Berlin's Reichstag, with its Soviet wartime graffiti preserved. Restoring a paedophile's depiction of an adult with a naked child sends the wrong message. The damage should remain visible for all to see.
    10
  395. Wouldn't it be a giggle if Meg's taxi driver was a drunk Frenchman, who likes to drive at twice the speed limit through twisty tunnels.
    10
  396. EXCELLENT COMMENT!
    10
  397.  @jaystevens1965  I used to be a Tory activist (USED to be). I was in the conference centre when Baker announced the polytechnics would become universities (1989?). The objective was to get more technologically-qualified graduates, the kind of thing the tech colleges were good at but the trad-universities had failed at. Decades later, and my town has TWO universities. Nearly every student is from India, Nigeria or equivalent. I was speaking with an Indian student who'd graduated. He thought it was hilarious that scarcely any white Brits were graduating. Universities prefer foreign students, because there's more money to be made. From what I've seen, NONE of the graduates return home. ALL of them get a job in the UK, and use their "leave to remain" to import their extended families.
    10
  398. All going as planned.
    10
  399. @robert casey Agreed.
    10
  400. I don't like Boris any more than anybody else reading this. But you do realise, don't you, that the plot against Boris was an attempted coup by the Remoaners? The Tory Remoaners would prefer a Remoaner Labour government to their own.
    10
  401. In the next video, please show Xi Jin Ping's hand up Joe's back, operating Joe like a ventriloquist's dummy.
    10
  402. Carnivores aren't allowed to join the Vegetarian Society, which is for vegetarians only. Women aren't allowed to join the Garrick Club, which is for men only. I see no problem with this.
    10
  403. I left a reply to you 20 minutes ago. It's disappeared. Forkin YouBoob.
    10
  404. COMING SOON: Johnny as the next Doctor Who.
    10
  405.  @mintberrycrunch4333  I want an episode with Keef Kuntabout having a tear-up against the Daleks. Those poor f*ckin' Daleks won't stand a chance.
    10
  406.  @matthewbh1976  By your standards: Kenneth Williams: "Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in f'me!" is offensive to victims of stabbing attacks.
    10
  407.  @andrewfairborn6762  In my opinion, Diane is a racist. I find her funny. Hence I regard Diane as a racist joke.
    10
  408.  @krankyjsmith9780  I keep leaving comments which disappear five minutes later. All funny. All supportive of Andrew. My comments only remain if they're replies to somebody else's comments. I suppose YouTube doesn't let my comments remain because I have no licence.
    10
  409. Apart from the holes in its bow, the Titanic was completely seaworthy.
    10
  410.  @jane---489  Diane says she and Nicola were triplets.
    10
  411.  @Nellywetlegs  I doubt Cliff was ever a nonce at the the Elm. Cliff's private life has been very closely examined. If there was any truth in those tales, by now somebody would've crawled out of the woodwork and told the cops. Plus that person could have sued Cliff for compensation. I don't care if Cliff was ever gay, providing he didn't touch children.
    10
  412. "Diversity" means divided. But diversity unites us, right? Yeah all good.
    10
  413. The Conservative Party is "Labour Party Light". It's a low calorie version of the same thing. Less salt. Easy-peel. Nice blue wrapping. Otherwise identical. I write that as a 29-year Tory activist whose membership lapsed under Cameron.
    10
  414. Oh we're not a state any more. We're a multi-ethnic economic zone. Yeah, you and I would risk our lives for that. Right?
    10
  415.  @Koen75NL  Meat and two veg are what make me a man. But Keir Starmer doesn't know this.
    9
  416.  @manbearpig7521  "Airplane!" would be cancelled now. Gags about Christians, Jews, blacks, several types of Asians, abortion, amputees, veterans with PTSD, warfare, bestiality, heart transplants, gays, conjoined twins... (300 other examples omitted)... and people called Shirley. Plus what's funny about a plane crash anyway? Let's cancel funny. Yeah. Take THAT, waycists!
    9
  417.  @lisafarr2317  Any comedian making jokes about politics MUST be offensive to SOMEBODY. A comedian who never offends ANYBODY is never funny. A comedian who never offends politicians should get off the stage or camera and never return.
    9
  418. 1 FIRST! 'Cos I benefit from white privilege, claims the BBC.
    9
  419. Calling Putin a "slaphead". Haha! Be careful about drinking tea in cafes or touching your door knob, Andrew. Putin is vengeful.
    9
  420. FIRST 'cos I benefit from systemic waycism and whyte privilege, claims the BBC.
    9
  421. Advice from my grandparents: "Stay away from hospitals and coppers".
    9
  422. Keith Cuntabout for Prime Minister! Yay!
    9
  423. I wanna see the Scots, Welsh, Northern Irish and the English win the World Cup. The ONLY way to do that is to have a UK football team. I'd value your views, friend.
    9
  424.  @tantona9315  Damned true.
    9
  425.  @susanjewitt8783  The mainstream media doesn't even pretend to be impartial any more. You'd get the same unanimity of narrative in North Korea.
    9
  426. Hard to know which is the most incompetent: Liz's cabinet or the Blood Transfusion Service.
    9
  427. As a Cornishman, I believe England would be f*cked without us. But when the Scots, English, Welsh, Cornish and Ulstermen work together, we export civilisation and liberty across the globe. Which is why so many people hate us and want us to split up.
    9
  428. Miss Piggy was upset when she visited Kermit's parents. The frogs all wondered how pink their offspring would be.
    9
  429.  @dilltdog1158  Soon the UK will resemble Yugoslavia in the 1990s.
    9
  430.  @anvilbrunner.2013  I honestly don't know. I'm not really Cornish and I've never actually been there. I enjoy teasing people about the Scottish-English rivalries. But if Anne Boleyn can be black, I can be Cornish, right?
    9
  431. Nicola turned me into a newt. I got better.
    9
  432.  @JackOfski  DUCK > snake.
    9
  433. No bone through his nose?
    9
  434. I want Harry to hire Tiger Woods as Meghan's chauffer.
    9
  435.  @allanallen1835  I'd prefer Andrew Lawrence as the new Doctor. Keef Kuntabout versus the Daleks. Love a drink, love a tear-up, love the TARDIS. "Oi you f*ckin' legless dick-head Daleks, I'll smack you one in your cake-hole!" CAN. YOU. IMAGINE?
    9
  436. The BBC regards you as a far right extremist for expressing that opinion. Wear it as a badge of honour.
    9
  437. "As a white heterosexual male, I admit everything bad in the entire history of the world is my fault". One day that view will be compulsory. Refusing to admit guilt ensures you'll be refused a job.
    9
  438. @Wid Eye Same with the BBC. They're essentially the same thing.
    9
  439. Apache or Cherokee?
    9
  440.  @KemetledAfrica  Who sold those slaves? Black monarchs and black slave traders.
    9
  441.  @matthewbh1976  IT WAS F'KIN HILARIOUS!
    9
  442.  @The.Occupier  And all done in the best possible taste.
    9
  443.  @enigma7791  The reason for my comment is, a year ago, the US national womens team went up against an under-15 boys "soccer" team and got thrashed. There's stuff on YouTube about it.
    9
  444. How long did you queue at the hospital?
    9
  445. According to "The Producers", the Fuhrer could repaint an entire apartment in one day, two coats, and he was also an excellent dancer.
    9
  446.  @harrying882  A miner's lamp and a canary? Diane says that's five things.
    9
  447. Good comment. I was gonna write the same thing.
    9
  448. It's hard for doctors to play a round of golf whilst doing zoom calls with patients.
    9
  449. Justin is like Jesus: He was raised as a Jew and was unsure about who his real father was. Seriously, find the true story in his Wiki biography. Who is he really?
    9
  450. I'm sick of Anglophobia.
    8
  451.  @GMN360  So Keir can't visit homophobic churches but he can still visit homophobic mosques. Mustn't offend the Labour members who organise his postal voting.
    8
  452. Yeah but he can't remember what he said and blames Trump.
    8
  453. Who's Andrew Lawrence? Is this some bloke imitating Keef Fluffabout?
    8
  454. Somebody should rewrite the New Testament. The original had Jesus being whipped, nailed to a cross, begging for water but getting vinegar and then being speared in his side. Let's rewrite it so that Jesus, Judas and Pilate all sit around, discuss their differences and reach a common agreement. That'd be better, right? Yeah all good.
    8
  455. Things could've been worse. Harry might've married Amber Heard.
    8
  456. It's almost like you dislike a broadcaster, which enables people to select their new date by looking at their private parts.
    8
  457. I've just done a Wiki search. Welby himself isn't of Jewish stock. He was brought up by his German-Jewish alcoholic leftie father and his upper-crust alcoholic whoring mother, but paternity-testing showed his biological father was a different bloke altogether. I'm a bit doubtful about the paternity of Jesus as well.
    8
  458. Please retype your comment,  Mr Vladimir  . All I can read is, "Baa baa I will comply baa other people do my thinking for me baa I will own nothing and be happy baa".
    8
  459. I was offended by "Satanic Verses". Much of the book comprised a leftist diatribe against Thatcherism. I was a Thatcherite at the time And I love her still.
    8
  460. "I hear you're a way sist now, Father Linehan".
    8
  461.  @anvilbrunner.2013  Biden was mystified when he got here. He said, "Where's Corn Pop? And where's the wall?"
    8
  462. It's heroic that people like Andrew will stand up and speak the truth on our behalf.
    8
  463. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Either as a joke under a name like Keef Fluffabout. Or in his real name.
    8
  464.  @johnpower4705  I deal with lots of university students, arriving with their spouse and two kids, getting jobs in big cities after their courses, never returning to their home countries and inviting their extended families to join them. We were never asked.
    8
  465.  jhon.francis  verry tru
    8
  466. BORIS: "Is somebody eating a tuna sandwich?"
    8
  467.  @hollytalbot6695  When Keir Starmer went to his own party, nobody knew who he was.
    8
  468. Make your comments funny and short. Like Sebastian Fatsalary's penis. (See what I did there?)
    8
  469. I won't watch it.
    8
  470.  @BertsmomUK  Agreed. Snowflake detected!
    8
  471. But does this judgement stop the frogs from turning gay?
    8
  472.  @jane---489  Harry is becoming Hans Moleman from The Simpsons.
    8
  473.  @bigshoes806  I want Andrew to stand for Parliament at the next general election. He should stand under the name of Keef Kuntabout. I'd vote for him.
    8
  474. So did Biden.
    8
  475.  @1jimmy534  Peter was right: "Shut up Meg".
    8
  476.  @godzillas6301  All true. Free trade = Good. A superstate which commands Westminster = Bad. Exactly the argument voiced by Enoch at the time.
    8
  477.  @kavick4  Broadcasters have an enormous power of patronage. Speak the correct woke crap and you'll always have a place on TV panel games.
    8
  478. Damned fine rant. Said everything I'd like to say but without Andrew's talent.
    8
  479.  @chrismith251  The sheep trust their shepherd, who's preparing them for slaughter. Resist and the shepherd's dogs will attack you.
    8
  480. @Paul Hitchens I leave this comment on EVERY video about Gary. If you've seen it elsewhere, it was probably me who left it.
    8
  481.  @theycallmejerry3916  I've used the same German phrase which Jorge used (above), but somebody falsely reported it as hate speech. Every time I use that three-word phrase, my comment is recognised by YouTube and automatically deleted. DON'T MENTION THE ...you know.
    8
  482.  @mcirelandosharma7411  The sheep will own nothing and be happy.
    8
  483.  English Bulldog  "Tim"?
    8
  484. We're victims of Anglophobia.
    8
  485.  @leowatkins3718  Excellent analogy. Question: is it homophobic to use the word "analogy"? I don't know, I'm not a biologist.
    8
  486. ANDREW: Please do a serious video for once. Please review the movie "My Son Hunter", starring Laurence Fox. Tell us about it. The movie is unlikely ever to be broadcast on British TV. Plus the Lawrence and the Laurence need to stick together.
    7
  487. We should crowd-fund a holiday for Greta. Maybe a hiking holiday in north Africa.
    7
  488. Andrew is far better at phrasing the truth than I could ever be.
    7
  489. I want Keef to become PM. A sex pest whom we can all admire.
    7
  490.  @JohnJohnson-vd2hp  This is just the start. Imagine how it'll be in 20 years.
    7
  491. Who's Andrew Lawrence? This bloke looks a lot like Keef Fluffabout.
    7
  492. He is developing a phenomenal talent.
    7
  493.  @Happy_Limpet  Dagenham Dustbins. When cars were still made in the UK.
    7
  494. But I can't find any mammoths.
    7
  495. Channel 4 broadcast the most important TV documentary in history: "Nigel Farage, Who Are You?" This documentary made all the difference to the EU referendum. Channel 4 has put hundreds of their shows on their YouTube channel. Strangely, this show isn't among them.
    7
  496.  @Ratsotone  Damned right. I was going to write the same comment. You beat me to it.
    7
  497. Nice to read comments from people who know the system from the inside.
    7
  498. Blockers blocked.
    7
  499. ANDREW - Please make a video, with Harry complaining in the style of "The Four Yorkshiremen".
    7
  500.  @douggraves4482  Deleted like the English in big cities.
    7
  501.  @Gus_1  I'm trying to avoid using words which might get me cancelled. Which means my free speech is curtailed. There are dozens of other topics I can't mention.
    7
  502.  @rogersmith422  Ryan's is the best comment I've seen today.
    7
  503. Michalia Cash? Great name for a tax-dodger.
    7
  504. Somebody ought to tell Andrew that there's a bloke named Keef Fluffabout who tries to imitate him.
    7
  505.  @anvilbrunner.2013  Cultural appropriation. Does it make me waycist?
    7
  506.  @martinthompson4707  True and Andrew wouldn't win the seat, but he'd have a damned good laugh, earn some money from ticket sale, enhance his reputation and upset all the worst people.
    7
  507.  @El-wc5hl  Advice from my grandparents: Stay away from hospitals and policemen.
    7
  508. Never forget: The BBC hates you. Hate them back.
    7
  509. A nice comparison.
    7
  510.  @William.A.D  Norman Tebbit was a leading cabinet member and Maggie's ally. Both he and Maggie always wanted that Tebbit should become Home Secretary and sort out immigration. They both knew this would trigger a revolt on the Tory back benches. It was always necessary to keep some wets in the cabinet to mollify the wets. It couldn't be done, hence where we are today.
    7
  511.  @stiggydore4543  Lots of people watching Andrew's videos used to vote Labour and pay for the BBC's propaganda. Nice to see people become "woke" but in a good way.
    7
  512.  @monteceitomoocher  It's happened on our watch and I'm ashamed.
    7
  513. KEEF IS MY ROLE-MODEL.
    7
  514. The lockdowns will finish before Christmas. But they didn't say WHICH Christmas.
    7
  515. It's sad that Welby didn't raise the Migrant of Peace who, a week ago, was arrested in Ireland for castrating and beheading gay Christians. Or the C of E churches being closed in the UK, because white Christians are being ethnically replaced. Or the burning of churches in many European countries by the mostly peaceful religion.
    7
  516. Half the men who go to gyms are gay. As a heterosexual myself, I'm content to be a paunchy slob. But gays hate to date other gays who are like that. The best-dressed, best-groomed and most athletic-looking men are nearly always gay.
    7
  517.  @memyself1566  You've misunderstood my comment. Labour and the Tories are two faces of the same shitty establishment. I don't trust Priti on the migrant numbers any more than I'd trust Diane.
    7
  518. Keep it up and you'll find a great fondness for Philip Schofield.
    7
  519.  @marlajacques6947  Cancelled because there aren't enough transracial butterflies.
    7
  520.  @murielbrown3013  We're on the Titanic, one minute after the collision. A horrific tragedy has been set in motion and I don't think it can be stopped.
    7
  521.  @sayitaintso2900  I myself spent 29 years as a Tory activist before realising the Party I'd joined was dead. Back in the day I did loads of useful stuff, including organising a fringe meeting with Enoch at the annual Party conference. Perhaps I should've remained in the Party and fought its debasement. If every patriot leaves the Tories, there will be nobody remaining except the weak self-loathing leftists. Which is exactly what's happened.
    7
  522.  @johnbarrett6889  "Family Guy" mocks the Irish, blacks, Jews, Chinese, Mexicans, Germans, the French, the British... (several other categories omitted)... and giant chickens. The number one object of mockery is middle class white people. I'm not offended.
    7
  523.  @andrewfairborn6762  So you're saying: No white person can ever make a joke which involves a black person, and vice versa. Well, you've just f*cked-up comedy forever.
    7
  524. Liz Truss is just a puppet for Klaus Schwab.
    7
  525. Somebody should tell Keef Fluffabout that this bloke Andrew Lawrence keeps imitating him.
    7
  526. Look at the TORY front bench and it's just as bad. The Uniparty. Heads you lose, tails you lose.
    7
  527. I've already got the first bit. When does the "happy" bit arrive?
    7
  528.  @tenderheart7530  When your kid's mum is throwing temper-tantrums and throwing-up to get attention, it's best to keep the kids away from her.
    7
  529. I'd pay good money to watch Keef kicking the shte out of Johnny Smugface.
    7
  530. Identify as a woman and you can share their showers.
    7
  531.  @JonBowe  Mr. Draxler appears to confuse the WORKING class with the STATE BENEFIT class.
    7
  532. Prince Harry should spend a few days with Johnny Depp. Share a few thoughts about life married to a narcissistic over-the-hill actress.
    7
  533. Also in New Zealand and Australia.
    7
  534.  @1jimmy534  One of my favourite Brian quotes: "I'm not racist. I watch tons of black porn".
    7
  535. No voting without ID.
    7
  536. 1 FIRST! Although my ethnically-adjusted position is about 70th.
    7
  537.  @bettyswunghole3310  I've always disliked Diane. It's got nothing to do with her skin tone.. I'd dislike her, even if she was a blue-eyed Scandinavian. Similarly, I don't dislike Heather Mills-McCartney because of her wooden leg. If 50,000,000 people dislike somebody, maybe it's for a good reason.
    7
  538.  @bettyswunghole3310  Maybe Diane's son - the one who wielded scissors and chased her around her kitchen table - knew her better than we think.
    7
  539.  @sjalusi1  If the bloke was white, he would've "fallen down the stairs" on a regular basis.
    7
  540. The NHS regards patients as obstacles to its efficient operation. Kill off all the patients and there won't be any waiting lists. Job done, sorted.
    7
  541. I think Kerry Stammer is some bloke who works in a supermarket car park, collecting trolleys.
    7
  542. I want Keith to star as the new Anne Boleyn.
    7
  543. The average IQ is 100. Can Diane count to 100? Certainly, by counting on the fingers of one hand. Sometimes she takes off her shoes and socks and counts on her eleventy-twelve toes as well.
    7
  544. Here are the THREE things which will to GUARANTEE a landslide Tory victory at the next election: 1.) Get Brexit done. 2.) Crack down very hard on immigration. 3.) Absolutely nothing else required.
    7
  545. Andrew is developing a phenomenal talent. He deserves a TV series on the BBC or Channel 4 oh hang on...
    7
  546. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament under the name of Keef Fluffabout. Hire a hall for his hustings. Charge people £10 per person at the door. Invite half a dozen other performers to appear with him on the same bill.
    7
  547. The effort and creativity to create this monologue must have taken Andrew hours to put together.
    7
  548.  @melmo5218  I never leave serious comments on Andrew's videos. I'm too busy laughing. Also - you can't write "slaughter" without writing "laughter". I just think a nuclear winter would counteract global warming. I see no downside.
    7
  549. 100 years from now, leftists will claim Andrew is so brilliant, he must have been black.
    7
  550. @sons ofodin Interesting to see bermuda's comment has disappeared. What was it?
    7
  551. ...'cos you've got white privilege. The BBC told me so. You WAYCIST!!!
    6
  552. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. He won't win, but it'll give him a good platform.
    6
  553. I attended a big rally for the Referendum Party in Brighton, in the late 1990s. Speakers included Edward Fox, Frederick Forsyth and De Gaulle's grandson. All at the same event at the same time. I wondered if there was a one-legged elderly ex-soldier outside, trying to get in with a fake ID.
    6
  554. ANDREW IF YOU'RE READING THIS - One day, make a video in which Joe says almost nothing, mostly mumbles, stares vacantly into space and turns his back to the camera. At the end Joe asks, "Where's my teleprompt?"
    6
  555. Who's Andrew Lawrence? I thought this was Keir Starmer. Because I don't know what Starmer looks like. Who is he anyway?
    6
  556. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Zero chance of winning but he'll make a damned heroic stand for justice.
    6
  557. As I recall: Have you discovered what the Earth people eat? Yes. They eat a great many of these. First they peel them with their metal knives. Then they boil them for 20 of their minutes. Then they smash them all to bits. They are clearly very primitive Earth people. Ah yes, one of my favourite adverts.
    6
  558.  @kevinmoffatt  Steve Wright on the tinny car radio.
    6
  559.  @jamesdavison2416  Thankyou. Hiring the American James Earl Jones was seen as stealing the jobs of black British actors. Not many of those some 40 years ago. Huge numbers of black British actors are available today. The BBC an actor who fits its own narrative. This isn't about the BBC hiring talent. It's about the BBC deliberately offending the fanbase, because it can.
    6
  560. I expect Rick and Morty to arrive imminently.
    6
  561. BRILLIANT! Please repeat your comment widely. It deserves more Likes. YOU have won this week's "Best Comment on YouTube" award.
    6
  562.  @APT79  I assumed LBGTQ was the new Audi Long wheelBase Grand Touring Quatro. Am I mistaken?
    6
  563. Anglophobia = the mew zlimms h 8 us.
    6
  564. Damned fine rant.
    6
  565. Is a beard compulsory for anti-woke comedians?
    6
  566.  @ThePurplePianist1  All done in the best possible taste.
    6
  567.  @douggraves4482  I love your name, Doug.
    6
  568.  @douggraves4482  THAT was my mother's name.
    6
  569. That's TWO things, not one. Who did the counting - Diane Abbot?
    6
  570.  @UnChannelDuVulpineX  THANKSSS! Will edddit.
    6
  571.  @jasonmussett2129  We Brits often show off the Battle of Britain Memorial Flight. Similar symbolism.
    6
  572.  @RobReadControlledProjects  I've used your exact same phrase in some of my comments, but without your spelling mistake. (Sorry I'm a speling Narzi and litrully Hilter.) Somebody falsely reported my comment as hate speech. And now, every time I repost that phrase, YT's algorithms automatically delete my comment. Please repeat widely, until YT bans you.
    6
  573.  @TheJon2442  She'd be no worse than Kwasi.
    6
  574.  @susanleatherbarrow2495  Biden can't find the mirror.
    6
  575. THIS video is why I want Andrew to stand for Parliament.
    6
  576. Wear protective gloves or you'll hurt the skin on your hand.
    6
  577.  @Sergio-ig1xd  Economist. Philanthropist. And shoplifter.
    6
  578.  @terrycurtis6914  Carrie claims to have housed one person for a few weeks. Afterwards, the person left Carrie a hand-written letter of thanks, in flawless English. A humble man would keep the letter private. Carrie released it to the press. That's virtue-signalling multiplied many fold.
    6
  579. Andrew's opening sentence is his best ever.
    6
  580. Barry Pieface speaks for me.
    6
  581. Wild garlic next month.
    6
  582. Somebody needs to do a TV show in the style of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares". Get experienced professional staff from another country to closely examine the NHS and sort it out.
    6
  583.  @dermot51  I want Andrew to stand for Parliament, as Keef Kuntabout. He won't get elected. But it'll be a brilliant tear-up.
    6
  584.  @rosewhite---  "I'm a corporal but I identify as a field marshal".
    6
  585.  @chrisneedham5803  EVERYBODY needs to oppose the seventh century cult of enslavement and submission. Get on your knees and you'll never get up again. Silence is acquiescence. I wish there was some way for EVERYONE to draw cartoons of the professional slaver and paedophile who ordered the murder of Jews and Christians and who, according to the Koran itself, wore a robe daubed with his own semen.
    6
  586.  @Slash1066  DEFINITELY, YES! I'd be DELIGHTED if Richard Ayoade could've been the new Doctor.
    6
  587. Yes, a bit like Harry and Paul or the late Benny Hill.
    6
  588. Good to see you back, Andy. We all know it was Keef Kuntabout who got you into trouble. Keef nicked your phone between drinks and tear-ups. Prof. Gideon Micropenis saw the message, reported it to Twat Valley Police and the rest is history. ANDREW LAWRENCE IS INNOCENT!
    6
  589.  @alexeric3898  It's almost as if Enoch Powell was right all along.
    6
  590.  @andrewfairborn6762  Jokes can't be funny if every part of the joke is 100% correct. Jokes depend on misunderstandings. Like the guy who died whilst parachuting. His aqualung failed to open. It wouldn't be funny if his parachute failed to open.
    6
  591.  @andrewfairborn6762  By your logic, half the jokes in "Airplane!" should be cancelled. And don't get me onto "Blazing Saddles" or "The Producers".
    6
  592.  @alangknowles  Boris thinks, "Is somebody eating a tuna sandwich?"
    6
  593. I left a funny, non-hateful comment a few minutes ago and it's disappeared. I was among the first persons to arrive, nearly first.
    6
  594. As a Ray myself, I agree.
    6
  595.  @ripvanwinkle2002  It's funny, but the real world doesn't have many jobs for graduates with third-rate degrees in sociology with economics.
    6
  596. Jokes about chickens crossing the road are all speciesist.
    6
  597. Kinnock wrote Biden's speeches. Diane counted Biden's votes.
    6
  598.  @charlestaylor8566  Private Eye magazine used to be the number one anti-establishment rag. Since the BBC hired Hislop, Private Eye has become another pillar of the establishment. Neither the BBC nor Hislop can say anything which offends the BBC's narrative.
    6
  599. I left a reply here earlier which has been deleted. So... nuffin new there.
    6
  600. Diane says you're eleventyeth.
    6
  601. I want Harry to hire Tiger Woods as Meghan's chauffer.
    6
  602.  @sarahwagland1559  Every comedian requires a high IQ.
    6
  603. ...which explains why the BBC will never hide him.
    6
  604.  @carlsummers2316  THANKS! I also repeatedly post a comment about Princess Meg. She had the same problem as Miss Piggy, who was upset when she visited Kermit's family. The frogs all wondered how pink the tadpoles would be. It usually gets a few Likes.
    6
  605.  @leathleyg5995  "Oi open the f*ckin' door and let me out, it's too Boering in here".
    6
  606.  @savvageorge  Imagine if covid arrived in the 1980s. Jimmy Savile would be on TV adverts, encouraging you to get the jab. Dr. Harold Shipman would be overjoyed.
    6
  607. I can never use the local Wilko because there's nowhere to park. Entirely the local council's fault. Double yellow lines everywhere.
    6
  608. Yes, hundreds of doctors and scientists arriving in Kent every week,
    6
  609. The same gentle, reassuring and caressing tones a sex abuser would use with his victim.
    6
  610. Good phrase. The consequences of no consequences.
    6
  611. Diane says that's nearly 60 seconds. Diane went to university, so she knows all about numbers and crack pipes and sheet.
    6
  612. Thankyou for William of Orange, who kicked off the "Glorious Revolution".
    6
  613.  @MB-lf8rm  I hope Andrew sees my comment and creates his own version.
    6
  614.  @MB-lf8rm  HARRY: "When I say we lived in a palace, it were a palace to us, but it was actually a shoe box in middle t'road".
    6
  615. ANDREW IF YOU'RE READING THIS - - PLEASE STAND FOR PARLIAMENT AT THE NEXT GENERAL ELECTION !!!
    6
  616.  @sicsempertyrannis3782  AGREED WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Question: Is there an equivalent word which covers Britain rather than just England? Words like "Britainophobia" are clumsy. As a Cornishman, I'm not even certain I'm English.
    5
  617.  @everythingisupsidedown9593  You too? YT says 8 replies, but I can only see 3 (plus perhaps mine).
    5
  618. The BBC told me so.
    5
  619.  @MarkDaleADV  Good idea. Others should go there and leave similar comments.
    5
  620. Reverse the waces and this would be given priority on the BBC news. And riots.
    5
  621.  @chummychummy7651  We could tell smutty jokes about gays and B-people without being debanked or arrested.
    5
  622.  @solsnail4741  Same with Clint Eastwood movies.
    5
  623.  @brianlinney2775  Better to waste votes on Keef than on Boris.
    5
  624. I want Keith to stand for Parliament. I'd vote for him.
    5
  625.  @beecee2205  You are needlessly offensive and it does you no credit. I'd be DELIGHTED if Richard Ayoade could've been the new Doctor. Talented, charming and bound to increase the Doctor's audience and fan base. Instead we get a box-ticked nobody, selected on the basis of diversity but not talent.
    5
  626. Boris does deals with murderous tyrants. Do you mean Tony Blair?
    5
  627.  @paulpowis5914  Oi oi! I'd vote for Keef!
    5
  628.  peter crane  Nice to read a comment from a professional.
    5
  629. I'd prefer Keef Fluffabout as PM, taking PM Question. "Oi oi, I'm the Prime Minister, freedom fighter and registered sex pest".
    5
  630.  @somebloke13  Thankyou, I'll seek you out if I become gay.
    5
  631.  @andyrobertson4096  I delight in every manifestation of the terpsichore muse.
    5
  632.  @teresabyrne855  No no no... please only encourage the English.
    5
  633.  @gaynormca8992  It's gallows humour. Having a last laugh as the UK is invaded.
    5
  634.  @Pessimisti_56  It's barely started. Just wait a while longer...
    5
  635. Provide seating and sell tickets.
    5
  636.  @cygil1  I find the same thing happening to some of my comments. I suspect somebody reports my comment as "hate speech", although it's not. YouTube remembers the phrases and automatically deletes any comment I make with similar phrasing.
    5
  637. As a Brit, I demand reparations from the Italian government, following the enslavement of my ancestors from the year 50 BC. I remain traumatised. Gimme money. Ancient British Druid Lives Matter.
    5
  638. Haha! Link, please! The kind of thing that I'd expect from "Family Guy".
    5
  639. Do you understand what a joke is? I'm struggling to find something funny in your comment.
    5
  640. Smugface must avoid climbing the stairs in tall buildings.
    5
  641. But the cops will arrest YOU, Andrew, if they get half an excuse.
    5
  642. TRUMP: "I've won". BIDEN: "I've won". SOROS: "No no no no no... I won".
    5
  643. "Publicly-funded nonce club". How true.
    5
  644. @gavin I want Keef to stand for Parliament. Can you imagine? Persons standing for Parliament are entitled to hold "hustings" meetings, a bit like stand-up gigs. Perhaps Andrew could also do a spot as Prof. Gideon Micropenis. Perhaps Twat Valley Police could provide the security and keep order.
    5
  645.  @buddhistsympathizer1136  Pertwee was also Wurzel. Did you catch any of the dreadful woke BBC remake of Wurzel Gummidge? Dear God it was dreadful.
    5
  646. @Alex Gibson It was a French general who declared in exasperation, "Damn the British! They lose every battle except the last!"
    5
  647. Is YouTube the right room for an argument? I went to Speakers Corner but they were only doing hit-on-the-head lessons.
    5
  648. Meghan is seeking to create a new TV mini series about the life of Princess Diana. Idris Elba will play Diana. Whoopi Goldberg will play Prince Philip.
    5
  649. ANDREW, HERE'S A GOOD IDEA: Join a political party such as Labour or Conservative. Use an adopted name. Obtain a pass to the party's annual conference. Make a speech as Keef Kuntabout or Prof. Gideon. I know it'll never happen, but can you imagine?
    5
  650. Plus you and I can get angry with our keyboards. We're pathetic.
    5
  651. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. He won't win the seat, but it could be the start of something big. Maybe ask the likes of Paul Joseph Watson or Carl Benjamin to speak at his hustings.
    5
  652. Sad story: If you're arrested for sitting on a park bench, Detective Constable Pisspot has the legal authority to strip-search you and check for concealed items in your back passage.
    5
  653.  @bobgeorge8382  Exactly. Islam is a religion of peace and they'll murder anybody who says otherwise.
    5
  654.  @Slumbert  Ronald Reagan (with Maggie) brought down the Soviet Union.
    5
  655.  @paulsayers580  Thanks!
    5
  656.  @normankennith7919  "Carrie". Haha! I'll use that next time.
    5
  657. Peter Griffin was right. "Shut up Meg".
    5
  658.  @crawfish069  I love the Family Guy episodes where the Brits always have bad teeth.
    5
  659. The next video needs Joe to be speaking with a Chinese accent.
    5
  660. I hope Andy feels better after seeing our support.
    5
  661. Priti Placebo.
    5
  662. Hate speech: Has Scotland banned the Koran yet? If not, why not? Oh I forgot...
    5
  663. if only Joe Biden could speak so coherently...
    5
  664.  @brimcilroy9002  We're the sheep. Why would anybody deliberately put wolves into our pen? As a wise man put it, "We must be mad. Literally mad".
    5
  665. I continue watching TV as a pirate. I am a criminal and proud of it.
    5
  666.  @matthewbh1976  Aha! Playing the victim!
    5
  667.  @jane---489  Chris was looking for his own sense of humour, but could only find anger and jealousy.
    5
  668.  @eileengoehring6080  Diana was off f*cking with a rugby player, her riding instructor and a wealthy Arab. She packed her kids off to boarding schools so that she could have more time for colonic irrigation and fancy parties. Her kids spent more time with their nannies than they spent with their mum.
    5
  669.  Ace Adonis  There are much easier ways to assassinate a target than a car crash, which would require a dozen or more operatives. No assassination would be attempted by the British state or Royals in FRANCE of all places. If she was going to be knocked-off, it would be done within the UK or not at all.
    5
  670. I prefer Keef Fluffabout as PM. But seriously, I hope Andrew will stand for Parliament at the next general election.
    5
  671. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ANDREW - Join the Reform Party and stand as a Parliamentary candidate.
    5
  672.  @philhawley1219  Buy some pork scratchings!
    5
  673.  @hayno7066  I suspect Gary Lineker protests against climate change by having a good w4nk.
    5
  674.  @jasoncdebussy  20,000 years ago, sea levels were 120 metres lower (almost 400 feet). Global warming was caused by farting mammoths.
    5
  675.  @pw3858  Agreed. The migrants wouldn't want to come here any more.
    5
  676. "Historian, philosopher, sex pest". A bit like me.
    5
  677.  @spencerhardy8667  Definitely. Katie Hopkins should be hired to review the morning papers. For leftie twattery balance, put her opposite a swamp-gobbler like Yasmin Alhibi Brown. Watch the sparks fly.
    5
  678. As an English Brit, may I please ask you to repeat your comment widely.
    5
  679. I'm male and definitely not toxic. If I was toxic, the several young women who swallowed would've been dead by now. Always aged 16+, always consensual, and they themselves volunteered. But man-haters will call me toxic anyway. Because they're jealous they didn't get any.
    5
  680.  @Logans3Run  Things to like about those three: 1.) I like Diane 'cos she's funny. 2.) I like Owen 'cos he reminds me of Rik , the People's Poet from "The Young Ones". 3. I like Shamima's baseball cap, which she wears to make herself look more western.
    5
  681.  @dfar2303  Back in the day, Owen Jones declared the track was far right. So the problem with that would be...?
    5
  682. I clicked on "View reply" but it's invisible.
    5
  683.  @garylancaster8612  We could easily cease illegal immigration if we dug a huge trench around the UK and filled the trench with sea water. Oh hang on...
    5
  684.  @_SolitaryMan  Very true.
    5
  685. Very sad when portions of our private conversations can be held against us. I've said things in private about Blair and the gallows which, if taken out of context, could see me imprisoned for longer than Alex Belfield..
    5
  686. Yes, but somehow we've got to pay for the surgeons and engineers who arrive in Dover every day.
    5
  687. Yeah but Richard Gere used it first.
    5
  688. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament, as Keef Kuntabout. Hold hustings meetings. Sell hundreds of tickets for each event. Do a turn as Keef. Then a musical interlude. Return as Detective Sergeant Pisspot to give advice about misgendering as a hate crime. Musical interlude. Prof. Micropenis stands up from the back of the audience, to harangue everyone there. And so on.
    5
  689. My son is eleven (which Diane says is nearly 50). I'll be delighted if he studies for a useful degree at university. Something which results in a profession qualification, leading to a real job. Otherwise, I'll be very happy if he becomes an electrician or a plumber.
    5
  690.  @blaisemorris1301  "Red fish". If women are made from sugar and spice and all things nice, why are their ladyparts always scented like tuna?
    5
  691. Somebody ought to tell Keef Fluffabout that this bloke Andrew keeps imitating him.
    5
  692. Line from Monty Python: "God hates poofs". (THIS IS NOT HATE SPEECH - I'M QUOTING FROM A HISTORIC SOURCE.)
    5
  693. Which is why the Left hates Andrew.
    5
  694. Andrew doesn't write his own material. Keef Fluffabout writes it for him..
    5
  695. Anglophobia is both permitted and encouraged.
    5
  696.  @JAG8691  THAT IS THE EXACT PHRASE WHICH GETS MY COMMENTS DELETED! I leave that EXACT three word comment and Google deletes it. Thankyou for repeating it here. Please repeat widely.
    5
  697. We need to suppress online content to support free speech. Don't contradict the narrative or we'll send you to the gulag. Anybody who claims owning nothing won't make you happy is a criminal. Yeah.
    5
  698. The universities want more than 50% of school leavers to attend university. Has it occurred to them that people of average or below-average intelligence shouldn't attend universities? It's almost as if the universities want to perpetuate themselves for no possible advantage to the UK or its population.
    5
  699. Anglophobia.
    4
  700.  @LC_from_MO  It's almost as if Biden has dementia. Who'd have predicted that?
    4
  701. I was among the first people to arrive here after this video was posted. I left three or four comments, all of which were funny. None were offensive. They've all disappeared.
    4
  702.  @dianeirvine7624  Haha!
    4
  703.  @user-qb3oh1jw9k  I left a reply to your comment, T, but I've come back and it's disappeared. Someone's probably reported it as hate speech. My reply was certainly coarse, but not racist or homophobic in any way.
    4
  704. Unlike Johnny Depp, Harry remains married to his abusive wife.
    4
  705.  @howardbowen-RC-Pilot  Mammoth Lives Matter
    4
  706.  @greatestytcommentator  Nothin' much good since Father Ted. Which they wouldn't commission today because its creator has been un-personed.
    4
  707.  @marryan2872  Funny - I click on Replies and yours disappears. I'm wondering which part of your simple comment offended Skynet.
    4
  708. Your comment absolutely nails it. Sad but true.
    4
  709.  @edwardlionheart2689  Black flies? Diane blames police brutality.
    4
  710.  @AntonHu  Beware of Doctor Shipman offering his vaccination shots.
    4
  711. The driver knowingly locked the bomber and himself in the taxi, to prevent the bomber from getting out. The bomber blew himself up but, by a miracle, the driver survived. THAT IS SOME SERIOUS GEORGE CROSS-TYPE BRAVERY. No mention of this on the BBC. Telling the truth would frighten the sheep.
    4
  712. I wanna see Andrew reviewing the papers on GB News.
    4
  713.  @leeseniscal8202  The best advice since Jimmy Savile told people to strap themselves down tightly. And children should belt up if they know what's good for them.
    4
  714. Observe the videos of the female cop going berserk with pepper spray. The female cop who was previously described as resembling an autistic girl's nana. Imagine if female cops like her were routinely armed. Would you feel safer? Neither would I.
    4
  715. Andrew looks increasingly like Vincent Van Gogh, whose sunflower painting is on the wall behind him. I hope Andrew doesn't cut his ear off.
    4
  716.  @billy942  If we discussed people of other ethnicities in this way, we'd be labelled waycists.
    4
  717.  @daveglynn748  Wales might beat Bavaria or Provence or Sicily in the Euros or the World cup. Same with Scotland and Northern Ireland, but they'll never get past Germany and France and Italy to the finals. Same with NI and the Scots. England hasn't reached the finals since '66. It's a good metaphor about our home nations being stronger together.
    4
  718. If you've been there and done that, you're a better man than me. "99.9% need not apply".
    4
  719.  @nbandpinportugal  Read Welby's Wiki biography. Welby was raised as a Jew and was unsure about who his real father was. A bit like Jesus Himself.
    4
  720.  @crownvicmick1201  His sister Kerry has her own problems.
    4
  721.  @paulineashcroft1485  ...with a Pakistani accent.
    4
  722.  @localbod  Being hidden by sympathisers in his community.
    4
  723.  @FatNorthernBigot  One of Andrew's characters identifies as a transracial butterfly. I don't know whether that fits your requirements. Got to be careful about alleged hate speech. The channel Jayemm on Cars was recently demonetised. A racing driver referred to the Lesmo corner at the Monza circuit. Somebody misheard the word as "lesbo" and consequences followed.
    4
  724. Same with Biggles.
    4
  725. If I said that, I'd be described as a racist.
    4
  726.  @ottosump3356  Is that you, Clem Fandango?
    4
  727.  @LOTPOR0402  Forth... Diane says that's nearly twelvety.
    4
  728. All organised by the same w*nkers who couldn't organise a party in a garden.
    4
  729. I WANT TO HEAR THIS ON BBC RADIO! Oh I forgot...
    4
  730. I woke up this morning and felt like crying.
    4
  731.  @ActionMan965  My equation: 1984 + fahrenheit 451 = 2021.
    4
  732.  @memyself1566  "The bills! The bills!"
    4
  733.  @malcolmhouston7932  Chancellor Surely... Is that a new Labour MP from a Pakistani background?
    4
  734. Twat Valley Rovers.
    4
  735.  @rebeccaconlon9743  The BBC looks after their own kind.
    4
  736. Looks like Prince Harry to me.
    4
  737. I always knew Superman was gay. The only people who'd dress like that are Superman and Elton John.
    4
  738. Please look up the story of how Tony Blair was fined £500 at Bow Street Magistrates Court in 1983. He was found guilty of importuning in a public toilet. His influential friends arranged for him to be called under his two middle names.
    4
  739. I want Keef to stand for Parliament.
    4
  740.  @_Tracker  YouTube is full of trolls and numpties. Godzilla is an example of both. But I do like the idea of taking leashed and muzzled Tories for walks. A concept which could've fuelled Harry Enfield & Paul Whitehouse into writing a sketch. A bit like their "pet northerner" sketches.
    4
  741.  @sumthingwickedly  Try Leo Kearse, and (as Andrew say) Jerry Sadowitz has just been cancelled from the Edinburgh Fringe for being inexcusably funny.
    4
  742. "100% pure gold". Diane says that's nearly a quarter. Diane went to university, so she should know.
    4
  743.  @JohnJohnson-vd2hp  Moses also had a rod. A 32 deuce coupe.
    4
  744. He's cancelled because he tells the truth.
    4
  745. The coppers intended to raid Andrew Lawrence's house but mistakenly raided Laurence Fox's house instead. Watch out, Andrew. The cops will come for you as well. Speaking the truth is dangerous. You'll be arrested in defence of free speech. Most of the public will believe the coppers were wholly justified in doing so.
    4
  746. You too?
    4
  747. If Meghan did a poo on Harry's bed, he'd be too frightened to complain and would pretend it smelled like roses.
    4
  748. OFFICIAL: The Conservative Party is now to the left of Labour.
    4
  749.  @howardbowen-RC-Pilot  Wokist light bulbs can only be turned to the left.
    4
  750.  @albundy774  Quagmire looks at Greta and thinks, "Nah, not worth the effort".
    4
  751.  @raysurreal  I hear that song in the voice of Futurama's Zapp Brannigan.
    4
  752. The BBC should hire Andrew! Give him a contract! * Oh hang on...
    4
  753. The anti-Boris vote was an attempted coup, to replace Boris with a Remainer and reverse Brexit. The BBC and other twats couldn't reveal this, so they increased the partygate nonsense as a cover story.
    4
  754. This isn't Andrew. This is Keef Kuntabout. He's got a degree in tear-ups. I wonder if YOUR degree is useful.
    4
  755.  @chrisneedham5803  Opposing the hatred of violent murderous bullies is wholly justified. If that makes things worse: Bring it on.
    4
  756.  @johnholmes5674  He forgets what he was looking for.
    4
  757. EXCELLENT RANT, ANDREW. Please stand for Parliament at the next general election. Zero chance of getting elected, but that's not the point.
    4
  758. You too?
    4
  759.  @HammyHunting  Search YouTube. I think it's under "1938 England Germany" or similar. Or perhaps the England team was saying, "That's how high my dog jumped last night".
    4
  760.  @sandragray3951  At least the Ruskies would oppose the Islamisation of London. Maybe Putin's peace keepers wouldn't be such a bad thing.
    4
  761. Loves a tear-up.
    4
  762. I'm doing home-schooling for my eleven year old. Nice to spend time with him but, as with dentistry and brain surgery, I'd prefer to leave the task to trained professionals.
    4
  763.  @paulukjames7799  Just the wokes.
    4
  764.  @markhenry192  Nah, they're all stunning and brave. Express any other view and it's hate speech.
    4
  765.  @lpj55  Yaaarrgghhhh, I be a buccaneer, I be, yaarrgghhh.
    4
  766.  @bennyhillschineseblokechar3689  Yes, you sirry irriot!
    4
  767.  @krashd  I wish.
    4
  768. No such thing as white privilege. Only wealth privilege.
    4
  769.  @spitfiremark1a768  Always nice to see Spitfire here again.
    4
  770.  Ihateeejits  Regardless of whom we vote for, either Labour or the Tories will form the next government.
    4
  771.  @franko1174  If black folks mock whitey and it's funny, I'll laugh. And I'm white.
    4
  772.  @robotjunkie3764  What - did somebody disable your computer? (That's a joke. Or maybe it'll get me banned, I dunno.)
    4
  773. Andrew wearing a copper's uniform. It's a criminal offence to impersonate a policeman. Especially when it's this realistic. Expect the coppers to raid your house and arrest you in three, two, one... I suspect the coppers came to arrest you recently but got the wrong Laurence.
    4
  774. Captain Smith on the Titanic was as optimistic as Rishi.
    4
  775.  @savannahglebe5165  I'd love to do that, or the Royal Navy can capture and return every migrant and their vessels. This would introduce problems with the RN entering French waters, but hiring a FRENCH company to tow the dinghies back to France should be easy-peasy.
    4
  776.  @vendomnu  Failure to employ Andrew is a litmus test.
    4
  777. As a Cornishman, I feel excluded.
    4
  778.  @lonalxaia  More than a hundred nasty people attended. We know it was over one hundred. Diane counted them on the fingers of one hand.
    4
  779.  @dhalsim-1  Robots in McD's in the US will be a good idea. Fewer humans getting shot.
    4
  780.  @edcarson3113  I click on "Replies" and yours disappears. It's hard to know what part of your sensible comment triggered the algorithms. Hitler murdered 7,000,000 in his death camps. Stalin murdered 26,000,000 in his gulags. Mao murdered 50,000,000, but Diane Abbott said Mao did a lot of good.
    4
  781.  @peteh7966  Is that you, Clem?
    4
  782.  @everest867  No, Andrew is NOT racist. Diane Abbott has said FAR worse racist things than Andrew ever did. And I laugh at her as well. (That's not racist. I'd still laugh at Diane's f*ckwittery, even if she was a blue-eyed blond.)
    4
  783.  @ripvanwinkle2002  Not enough racism to go around, but I'm sure the graduate can invent some.
    4
  784.  @greatunwashed1856  Neither does Diane Abbott and she did OK.
    4
  785.  @Nellywetlegs  Agreed about Boothby. Some of the letter-writing to Reggie Kray might be his Christian-kindness thing. I guess it'll all come out after Cliff pops his clogs.
    4
  786. Eeh but when I were a lad, I'd be thrashed to sleep with a broken bottle after a fifteen mile walk 'ome from school. When I say 'ome, it were only a shoe box in middle t'road, but we regarded ourselves as lucky.
    4
  787. This year I listened to Keef instead of the Queen.
    4
  788. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. He won't win a seat, but he'll have a great time and so will we.
    4
  789.  jhőn fráncísz  my peanuts is pretty gud az well
    4
  790. Coppers do worse than that to Tommy when he's eating breakfast.
    4
  791.  @sirgamezalot2623  The official figures lie. If you have a stroke, it'll take nine hours for an ambulance to reach you. This increases the number of people who DON'T die in hospital.
    4
  792. I've sometimes left a comment which imitates the signage above the Nazi death camps: You know, about something making you free. I replace the German word for "work" with the German word for "vaccination". At some point, somebody has falsely reported my comment as hate speech. YouTube recognises my phrasing, and now whenever I post it, YT immediately deletes the comment. It's almost as if we're living in a dictatorship.
    4
  793. Can you see my comment? I wonder if this one has been cancelled as well.
    4
  794. The cops wanted to raid Andrew Lawrence's house but the got the wrong Laurence.
    4
  795.  @dianeabbottsfootwearassist  I enjoy my weekends even more because of names like yours.
    4
  796. I just made the same comment, and then Andrew said his own line.
    4
  797. 90% of these victims would've died if they'd caught influenza instead. 82 is the average age of death from covid. 92% of people who die from covid already had a pre-diagnosed condition such as cancer. That's a very narrow band of vulnerable people who need to isolate more rigidly. The rest of us need to get back to work. The lockdown will kill more people than covid ever could.
    4
  798. ,,, agreed but Andrew does it much better than you or I ever could.
    4
  799. Thanks, Stiggy! St. George was probably a Scot.
    4
  800. I hope she doesn't.
    4
  801. You too?
    4
  802.  @andyhobbs2812  I hate Toast.
    4
  803.  @MB-lf8rm  Good idea! If I'm first, I'll be accused of using white privilege.
    4
  804.  @andrewsundell2502  In the 1970s, an episode of the BBC's prestigious "Horizon" science programme predicted the world would definitely run out of oil by 1990 and there would be no oil at all by 2000.
    4
  805. The single most important TV documentary in world history is the Channel 4 programme, "Nigel Farage, Who Are You?" This single TV documentary undoubtedly swayed hundreds of thousands (perhaps millions) of voters into voting for Brexit. Channel 4 has put literally hundreds of its programmes on YouTube, but this specific programme is absent. I suspect Channel 4 realise they f*cked up big time.
    4
  806. I fart into bottles and use the gas for cooking my vegan meat pies.
    4
  807.  @goldeneddie  All good, but it lacks the brevity of "Anglophobia". No offence intended towards Welsh, Scots or Ulster-folk.
    3
  808.  @johnholmes5674  He'd happily allow Britain to become a caliphate. Providing his family provides the caliph.
    3
  809. Beware of the vicar. He might be a kiddy-fiddler or an elder-abuser.
    3
  810.  @arse-myth  Emperor Covid has no clothes.
    3
  811.  @bluelanterns2982  Is that you, Clem?
    3
  812. Another brick in the wall, collapsing because of air in the concrete.
    3
  813. Richie (funny name) doesn't care if ordinary Britons are broke. Priti Placebo doesn't care if the UK is flooded with immigrants. I wonder why.
    3
  814. You can't actually see in this video, but Joe isn't wearing his trousers.
    3
  815.  @Em22-wtf  They're all different farts from the same arsehole.
    3
  816. The entire Epstein/Maxwell project was a honeytrap by a security service. Obtain incriminating video of princes and politicians. Then turn the screw. Andrew is a victim.
    3
  817.  @jyc4779  Austin Mini? Too modern. I drive an A35.
    3
  818. God has a sense of humour. And He despises the woke crowd as much as we do. Pride comes before a fall.
    3
  819. Be careful, Andrew. Your comedy contains too many truth-bombs. Under forthcoming legislation, embarrassing the British government will get you 14 years in prison. Priti says your truth-bombs embarrass her and are terrorist weapons of mass destruction. Expect a raid by Sergeant Detective Inspector Pisspot of Twat Valley any day now.
    3
  820.  @thehoodedman2963  I'll be just as happy if the taxi driver is Albanian, British or Pakistani.
    3
  821.  @kevinpye3140  Conservative = Socialist, but with a pretty blue label.
    3
  822. Some good stuff in your comment, but out of step with the tone of this video.
    3
  823.  @edwardlionheart2689  Jussie Smollett saw two white guys wearing MAGA hats pour bleach into your goldfish bowl.
    3
  824. I give myself joy and happiness by kicking random policemen in the bollocks. No, not really. Let's see how long this comment survives until a w*nker deletes it.
    3
  825.  @alancrisp1582  No, Andrew could do hustings events all across his constituency. Maybe ask Dominic Frisbee and others as supporting acts.
    3
  826.  @toonarmy8524  Zelensky started as a stand-up comedian and became president. What happened next?
    3
  827. I left a comment here three minutes ago. I've returned and it's been deleted by the Al Gore rhythms. I wrote that things will be MUCH worse in 30 years from now. Strange how a truthful prediction can upset the AI or a leftist numpty.
    3
  828.  @daveglynn748  I'd write "yes" to that a thousand times, but it would take too long.
    3
  829. Did Jesus have a cervix?
    3
  830.  @andy1way  Q. : How does Meghan switch on the lights after sex? A. : She doesn't, her three black boyfriends do it for her.
    3
  831.  @APT79  Gives new meanings to the terms "convertible" and "drop head".
    3
  832.  @paulpowis5914  Is that you, Clem?
    3
  833.  @Englandforever555  Hold on, somebody's just texted me that Steven was just seen entering my wife. (I assume that means my wife's house.)
    3
  834.  @jerribee1  Nah, maths is waycist.
    3
  835. Native Brits are putting off marrying and having babies, because they can't afford to buy a house. Renting is so hyper-expensive, young couples can't save enough money for a deposit. Neurosurgeons and engineers from Calais always get priority in council housing, ahead of native Brits. Demographic predictions confirm that within 30 years, the number of babies born to the Calais scientists will surpass those born to native Brits. Yay.
    3
  836.  @AReallyLongAndUnremakableUser  That took some work!
    3
  837.  @clouddog2393  Would've been improved with a chorus of "Fek drink girls". Otherwise perfect.
    3
  838. Sir Keir is utterly insignificant. If he went to a party, stark naked with red balloons tied to his genitals, nobody would notice him. And upon leaving, nobody would notice he'd gone.
    3
  839.  @ChorltonandtheWheelies  Thanks, Chorlton. You gotta larf or you'll go crazee.
    3
  840.  @billburnhope2176  A PM who protects his borders. Is that too much to hope for?
    3
  841. Your comment is offensive to pandas.
    3
  842.  @sumthingwickedly  Hahaha!
    3
  843.  @brucemitch928  YES! Although the Court papers referred to Charles Lynton.
    3
  844.  @elterrifico9522  Professor Gideon agrees with you.
    3
  845.  @davidbetts9332  I don't know where Carrie Lineker lives. It's undoubtedly in a very wealthy and almost-entirely huite neighbourhood. Carrie should disguise himself, and live in Tower Hamlets for a month. Embrace the delights of diversity.
    3
  846. Hitler's salute was just a way of saying, "That' how high my dog jumped last night".
    3
  847. Aoyade is brilliant and talented. I respect him. Any day now, the deep state will describe him as a Wight soup remm assist.
    3
  848. ANDREW - IDEA FOR A FUTURE VIDEO - Joe starts trying to make a speech. Ten words later he says, "Dammit, I've crapped myself again. Nurse! Nurse! It happened again!" Short but funny. Like Joe's penis.
    3
  849. I want him to stand for Parliament. Zero chance of getting elected, but his hustings (public meetings) will be hilarious.
    3
  850. If the EU wants a little prick, send them Owen Jones.
    3
  851. @Baron Von Shyster Andrew could review the newspapers as Prof. Gideon Micropenis. His next review could be as Keef Kuntabout, then Prince Harry.
    3
  852.  @martindunstan8043  Took a big effort to delete the chapter written by Peter. About Jaws and Even Bigger Jaws.
    3
  853. I've instructed my son that he should refuse any jab. Tell the teachers to phone me. What if they attempt to jab him against his will? I've told him he should fight back: Punch, kick, bite, run out of the door or a window and return home. My son has my full authority to punch teachers in the face. Which is only fair.
    3
  854. I'd pay good money to watch Barry Pieface and Keef Kuntabout kick the sh** out of Johnny Smugface.
    3
  855. The Kremlin must be prevented from invading the Ukraine. Russian soldiers refuse to wear covid masks. How f*ckin' dangerous is that?
    3
  856. Martial Sory, Im a spelin Narzi and litrully Hilter.
    3
  857.  @Hey___you  The US & UK will stand or fall together. Our fates are intertwined and will be identical. Right now we're both collapsing. Nice for an American to witness that not every Brit speaks like Stewie Griffin.
    3
  858.  @cupidstunts.stcmedia.6618  A Ginger Pride march would be condemned by the BBC. As with the British countryside and skiing, there wouldn't be many Africans.
    3
  859. Scotland blames the English like some black folk blame waycism. Gotta blame somebody else for what they themselves fooked up.
    3
  860.  @williwonkah.9242  Finland funds its state with its own taxpayers. Scotland funds its state with English taxpayers. Hence a bloated enlarged Scottish state sector, paid for by the English. Scotland couldn't become independent without sacking half its workforce.
    3
  861.  @Looshfarmer  If socialists understood economics, they wouldn't be socialists. If the SNP understood economics, they'd remain in the Union. If the SNP understood "independence", they wouldn't want to become a tiny puppet province on the far edge of the European superstate.
    3
  862.  @williwonkah.9242  I'll wait until the weekend and enjoy several. Here's a story about the Queen Mum, when she visited South Africa and was shaking hands with dignitaries. One elderly grizzled Afrikaner said to the Queen Mum, "I've never forgiven the English for what they did to my people". Imagine the shock of the other dignitaries, until the Queen Mum replied, "We Scots feel exactly the same way". Smiles all around. Winston Churchill once said, "Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell, in such a way as they look forward to the journey". I reckon the Queen Mum did a good job, and honour was satisfied all round.
    3
  863. Diane Abbott claims there were 50 people at Mr. Starmer's party. She counted them all on the fingers of one hand.
    3
  864. To save the planet, fast food companies like McDonalds should cease selling all meat products, all cereal products and all fruit and vegetable products. Simple, done.
    3
  865.  @hayno7066  And he supports Brexit.
    3
  866.  @charlesnelson5187  You yourself must decide if the good times (lots of f*cking and drinking, I hope) justified the time and effort you put in.
    3
  867. Soon you'll only get a mortgage if your bank approves your political opinions.
    3
  868. Import doctors from Mogadishu and Bangladesh, and what do you expect?
    3
  869. And all in the best possible taste. Until his clothes fall off.
    3
  870. @Expo Scotland No. I'm in a supermarket reading car magazines before replacing them on the shelves. Two well-groomed young men pick up the magazines about body building. "Ooh look at him, he's fit", they say. They're not interested in health and body building, they just like to look at naked muscular men and get that way themselves.
    3
  871.  @MrMarkg1968  I was a Tory activist at that time. Great days. But I allowed my 29-year Tory membership to lapse under Cameron.
    3
  872.  @MrMarkg1968  Thanks! I wouldn't have known NARC's meaning without you. I've learned something.
    3
  873. I like comments which are short and funny. Like Sadiq Khan's penis. (See what I did there?)
    3
  874.  @tinastrongbow3292  Yes, and I'm wearing my bushy moustache with my off-white safari suit.
    3
  875. Ginger is better. Let your natural colour return. Ensure collar and cuffs match.
    3
  876.  @pete-manley  THANKS for your kind expression of goodwill, which I extend back to you. Leftists would regard your gentle words as something-ist and offensive.
    3
  877. Gotta pay for fugees somehow. A 4-star hotel near me is now used for fugee accommodation. 300 yards from the beach, where women like to sunbathe topless in the summer. I'm looking forward to July, when 100+ fugees will walk 300 yards and visit the beach. My council might need to employ boobie inspectors, who'll advise topless women to cover their bodies, sharia-style.
    3
  878. Rishi released his tax details yesterday (23 March). On any normal day, the tax affairs of a billionaire prime minister from India would've been front page news and caused resentment among the electorate. Instead, Rishi released his details on the same day as Boris got hauled over the coals for eating cake with his staff during the Lockdown. Result: Everyone looks the other way. It's sleight of hand. Same with EVERY important news story.
    3
  879.  @Bugster987  Yes but the Tories say, "Bad? Hold my beer".
    3
  880.  @jimmycampbell78  YouTube is very strange these days. It claims my original comment has three replies, but only yours is visible.
    3
  881.  @johnlesoudeur3653  I'm in one of the whitest towns in England. Half the people in the town centre are clearly of non-European origin. Plus they're mostly under 40. Technically speaking: We be completely f*cked.
    3
  882.  @PeteCourtier  Is that you, Clem? (Confused persons should search "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    3
  883.  @lpj55  Yaarrgghhh, I like a drop o' Captain Morgan.
    3
  884. Provide seats and sell tickets.
    3
  885. I want Keef to stand for Parliament at the next general election. Book a hall or a theatre for a public hustings. I'd pay for a seat!
    3
  886.  @paulineashcroft1485  Go woke go broke. But that can't happen because of the licence fee. But that's OK, I refuse to buy a licence anyway. I refuse to fund hate-filled propaganda directed at children.
    3
  887.  Ihateeejits  Priti Placebo.
    3
  888.  @margaretpepper3550  I left a reply for you earlier, but it's disappeared.
    3
  889.  @franko1174  Slap heads!
    3
  890.  @andrewfairborn6762  Benny Hill's number one target was plump middle-aged white men like himself. Compared with the ridicule which Benny heaped upon himself, women got off very light.
    3
  891. I always knew Superman was gay. Nobody dresses like that except Superman and Elton John.
    3
  892.  @sonialeaning2065  I was a card-carrying Tory activist for 29 years. I allowed my membership to lapse under Cameron. I have far more in common with former Labour voters like you than I could ever have with this disgusting, incompetent and deliberately anti-British bunch of Tory Traitors.
    3
  893.  @sonialeaning2065  I'm not a Toast fan. That ham actor spends too much time with my wife. It's almost like she's in a relationship with him. Toast's been playing Othello and there's blackface makeup across Mrs. Purchase's boobies.
    3
  894. Some of my comments have disappeared. Andrew wouldn't have erased the comments because they supported his own views. Perhaps YouTube's automatic algorithms defined opposing the lockdown as hate speech. Perhaps a f*ckwit copper reported me for comparing police hi-vis jackets to Nazi brown shirts.
    3
  895. I misread your word "reflection" as "erection". But maybe that works too.
    3
  896.  @briandouglas2123  He's not my king.
    3
  897. British media repeats the claim that the man was a Christian. Little mention that this Muslim " converted" to Christianity in order to claim he couldn't be returned to Syria because the Muslims would persecute him. I'm waiting for the BBC to blame Brexit. Or Trump.
    3
  898.  @chrismith251  He's a little dodgy maybe, but underneath, he's alright.
    3
  899.  @FatNorthernBigot  Is that you, Clem? I can hear you!
    3
  900.  Ace Adonis  Diana wasn't pregnant. The French autopsy proved that.
    3
  901.  @jeanetteschweppe919  Her kids spent more time with their nannies than they ever spent with their mum.
    3
  902. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Hold hustings (public meetings in large halls)where he can do his comedy routines to an adoring audience. Zero chance of waking enough sheep to win a seat, but it'll be an epic event.
    3
  903.  @salsylexhagen7423  And he's getting better the whole time.
    3
  904. No functioning industry and everybody's starving? Communist Utopia.
    3
  905.  @jane---489  "Family Guy" did a song about Yasmin Alibhai Brown. Please search for "Family Guy You ain't got no Alibi". "You ain't got no Alibhai, she ugly, she fugly, oh my God the cow goes moo".
    3
  906.  @jane---489  Everything would be stolen, and the staff would get beaten up and robbed daily. Aah, the benefits of diversity.
    3
  907. A fried or a friend? Sorry, I'm a speling Narzi and litrully Hilter. Seriously though, you're right.
    3
  908. The majority of the BBC's Olympic presenters are BAME or gay.
    3
  909. I want Keith to stand for Parliament.
    3
  910.  @wulfengel  He won't get elected but he'll get a sell-out audience every night. I don't know whether selling tickets will contravene the expenses regulations. If necessary, donate any profits to charity. Point is: He'll be back doing live gigs.
    3
  911.  @peteh7966  Actually, I'm Ray's albino brother, borrowing his computer and leaving hostile comments everywhere. (Confused persons might like to search "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    3
  912. I've never trusted 'em since they stole Peter Griffin's shirt.
    3
  913.  @tamsinthai  Diane defended Assange? She mistakenly thought Assange was African. Maybe.
    3
  914. Interesting to see how Prince Harry has imitated Andrew by getting the same haircut and beard.
    3
  915. Brian Griffin.
    3
  916. It's all about keeping the public in a continuous state of anxiety. Issue orders dressed as advice. The sheep must get used to obeying every order issued by the globalists.
    3
  917. Sunak speaks for the British people. Let that sink in.
    3
  918. A plain man speaking his mind. Greater eloquence than I could ever muster.
    3
  919. I wanted a pet pig, but the legislation means I'd be unable to take a pig for a walk in the way that we can with a dog. I wanted to call my pig Elvis and teach him to skateboard.
    3
  920. nah, Brexit.
    3
  921. You oughta write screenplays for "Family Guy".
    3
  922.  @terrywelsh5298  Hahahahaha!
    3
  923.  @greyvoice7949  She conted the votes for Biden.
    3
  924.  @chasleask8533  There are stories in the Daily Mail today (29 April) claiming Rayner herself had previously boasted to Labour colleagues that that her actions had been deliberate, and she referenced the movie. This was BEFORE the furore broke. Hard to believe anything.
    3
  925.  @annother3350  I want Trump to found his own social media company, equivalent to Facebook and YouTube. He'd have hundreds of millions of subscribers within a week. Try deplatforming him then, bitches!
    3
  926. Don't disrespect the black inventor of peanut butter.
    3
  927. Channel 4 promotes excellent television. Hence the shows where people choose whom to date by looking at their private parts.
    3
  928.  jhőn fráncísz  ello jon
    3
  929.  @iagree6677  Haha!
    3
  930.  @carlsummers2316  Peter Griffin was right. "Shut up Meg".
    3
  931. Westminster has fallen.
    3
  932. The candidates would gladly fund a two-year £5,000,000 committee for finding the best way out of the paper bag.
    3
  933.  @markhenry192  Do you mean Andrew or Avi?
    3
  934.  @markhenry192  THANKS! I'll go find.
    3
  935. By Brian Griffin, author of "Faster Than the Speed of Love".
    3
  936. ANDREW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAND FOR PARLIAMENT! Either as a Reform candidate, or as an independent providing there's no Reform candidate in that constituency. Zero chance of winning but your hustings events will be a great laugh.
    3
  937.  @grimnir6169  Your comment failed to post properly. I click Replies and yours disappears. The algorithms are extra busy today, I don't know why.
    3
  938.  Jonny Mosquito  I left a reply to your comment, Jonny. Two minutes later it's disappeared. YouTube's algorithms disliked something.
    3
  939. If it was BLM, the press would describe this as a "mostly peaceful protest".
    3
  940.  @chummychummy7651  Peter was right: "Shut up Meg".
    3
  941. I'd happily watch and go second.
    3
  942. Boris locked down the economy for two years, diminished the treasury's tax receipts, spent hundreds of £billions on wasteful projects, printed money it didn't have and imported one and a half million Africans and Asians into the UK in a single year. But let's blame Putin.
    3
  943. That's why the Left wants to cancel him.
    3
  944.  @dongross6624  I wish we could crowd-fund a drunken French chauffer for Meghan.
    3
  945. BIDEN: "I wish I'd pulled out early, instead of impregnating my wife with Hunter".
    3
  946. I hope Andrew reads your comment.
    3
  947.  @sicsempertyrannis3782  "Europhobic" doesn't fit because they all want to live here.
    2
  948.  Simulated Emotion  Yep. Great film.
    2
  949.  @billynomates920  I come here for the videos. I linger for the wise and funny comments. I smirk when I discover clever names.
    2
  950.  @S3NTRY  Is that you, Clem?
    2
  951. A very nice G-plan table. Worth a few £hundred these days.
    2
  952.  @sewmad100  Funniest advert out there. Every time they did a new version, our house would go quiet so we could listen.
    2
  953.  @Truebritify  Another reason to clap for the NHS. Yay! (Not really.)
    2
  954.  @Blackfoxparadox  You had FIVE people in a Fiat 126? Were you circus clowns?
    2
  955. I wear a condom instead.
    2
  956.  @riceyo62  Same happened in Bournemouth a few weeks ago.
    2
  957. I'd welcome Jezza Clarkson as Labour leader. The Labour Party would still crash and burn, but in a funny way.
    2
  958.  @marryan2872  Yes YOU can see it, but it's invisible to everyone else. I could see your comment because it was a reply, directly to me. It's completely gone now.
    2
  959. I'd like to believe your comment, but I distrust myself. What if I believed your comment and I got it wrong? What if I can indeed trust myself? How about if I trusted myself but I then betrayed myself? Goddammit, I'm getting paranoid here.
    2
  960. Haha!
    2
  961. Funny how the ONLY world leader who opposes the WEF is Vladimir Putin, so the WEF summons the entire world to borrow money to oppose him.
    2
  962.  @slavmarin7827  Only a few thousand in each constituency, at best. Zelensky started as a stand-up comedian as well. What happened next? A fightback against the invasion. I approve of that.
    2
  963. The Prince Harry we see in the interviews isn't the REAL Harry. The REAL Harry spends every day flying a helicopter in a war zone, rescuing children from terrorists and f*cking hot women every night. Prince Harry borrowed an idea from Stewie Griffin. Stewie created cloned versions of himself and Brian, to carry out menial tasks on their behalf. Obviously the cloned versions were created as inferior to the originals, or there might be a clash of interests. BITCH STEWIE: "I told him I did the poos, even though YOU did the poos". BRIAN: "Did you wash my car like I asked?" BITCH BRIAN: "No, but I hit it with a rock". REAL HARRY: "Let's rescue those kids. It's a good day to die". BITCH HARRY: "I did the poos, and I hit our car with a rock".
    2
  964. "NHS HITS ROCK BOTTOM". Meanwhile, the newly-released album of Queen's Greatest Hits has excluded the track "Fat Bottomed Girls" because it's offensive.
    2
  965.  @SteveeCee  I'm bemused. What's that mean? Please forgive my ignorance.
    2
  966.  @simonwilton3546  Is that you, Clem? (Confused persons should search "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    2
  967. I wouldn't want to look at Angela Raynor's unkempt frizzy nether regions.
    2
  968. "Squad - Camp it up!"
    2
  969.  @alastairmcmillan1071  Always depends on which type of PR. That's the trouble.
    2
  970.  @chesshooligan1282  I'd like the system used in the Euro elections. It allowed UKIP to gain a great many seats. With identical votes under the Westminster system, UKIP would've won none at all.
    2
  971.  @meisterlymanu5214  Don't mention Toast in my presence. People keep saying horrible things, linking Mrs. Purchase with Toast. My lovely faithful wife would never do anything to cuckold me.
    2
  972. Across the west, our democratically elected governments have become our worst enemies.
    2
  973.  @MykeLewisMusic  Is that you, Clem?
    2
  974. Trudeau will shortly ask Putin to send peace keeping troops to Ottawa.
    2
  975.  An Armchair  I wish.
    2
  976. Yeah, but any decent, self-respecting teacher will be sacked.
    2
  977. I'd leave the UK and go right now, except I'm too old to start again. Britons leaving the UK have exported civilisation across the globe for 200+ years. Every part of the world which functions properly does so because of British influence. Meanwhile here in the UK, half our government is BAME and the white MPs hate us even more.
    2
  978. Leftists don't understand a joke is not real life.
    2
  979.  @Ericcartman666  THANKS! I will respect your authoritah.
    2
  980. It surprises me how readily we've accepted this bullshit.
    2
  981.  @jane---489  I'm surprised anybody noticed Keir Starmer. He's more like the invisible man.
    2
  982. I want Harry to start his own YouTube channel. No, wait, Andrew voices it for him.
    2
  983.  @oldtrafford-p8b  Andrew said as much and was banned for it.
    2
  984.  @cygil1  I can still see it so far. Three, two, one...
    2
  985. Did Diane claim Boris assaulted HER? Hahahahahahahahahaha! Nah. That. Could. Not. Happen. Boris isn't blind. He's got a nose. Despite the rumours, he's intelligent as well.
    2
  986. Diane was confused because she thought a pair of scissors meant two of them.
    2
  987.  @_Tracker  Best wishes back, Mr T.
    2
  988.  @stiggydore4543  According to movies starring Hugh Grant, the Brixton and Notting Hill areas are exclusively populated by upper class white people. On that basis, referring to this event occurring in Brixton is a swipe at the morality of upper class white social justice warriors. But the demand for waycism always exceeds demand, hence snowflakes being triggered by a JOKE.
    2
  989. Somebody's left me a reply, but YouTube won't let me see it.
    2
  990. If Andrew's channel is new to you, I recommend subscribing. Lots of funny truth-bombs.
    2
  991. Nah, train 'em to wear goggles and flippers. Send 'em into the English Channel.
    2
  992.  @mikethebloodthirsty  Ian Hislop has sold his soul to the BBC. If Hislop opposed the BBC's narrative, he would lose a nice earner. Unlike Charlie Hebdo, nobody's going to break into the Private Eye offices and kill anybody.
    2
  993. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. No chance of winning, but he'll win wide respect and it'll be a fookin good laugh.
    2
  994. Be careful, Andrew. Speaking the truth will get the police to beat in your front door. You'll be repeatedly arrested and strip searched. You'll own nothing and be happy. Whether you like it or not.
    2
  995.  @monteceitomoocher  You mean... this isn't a real copper?
    2
  996. So the lockdown killed more people than it saved, and also smashed the economy. The conspiracy theorists have been proven right again.
    2
  997. I want Trump to set up his own platform, equivalent to YouTube and Facebook. Buy a weak existing platform. Invest a few tens of $millions. It'd have 100,000,000 subscribers within a month. Try deplatforming Trump then, bitches !!!
    2
  998.  @piman9280  Cre4t1ve 5pelling to dodge the Al Gore rhythms!
    2
  999. I wanna see Keef go toe to toe with Boris in a boxing ring. "Oi Boris you c*nt!" I'd pay good money to see that.
    2
  1000.  @IO23777  The laughing gnome was in scarlet and grey, chuckling away, and answered to the name of Bercow.
    2
  1001.  @inspectre9688  A damned fine reply, In S.
    2
  1002.  @secondchance6603  Good comment. Please repeat widely.
    2
  1003. Only Andrew can make us laugh at our impending disaster.
    2
  1004. This is Keith C*ntabout's hairy whisky-swigging cousin.
    2
  1005.  @williwonkah.9242  The oil belongs to the fish! And the crabs too! Lot's of lobsters wearing Texan hats, shouting "Yee-hah!" and driving Cadillacs.
    2
  1006. Perhaps Andrew could get a series as Professor Gideon Micropenis.
    2
  1007.  @charlesnelson5187  That's OK then.
    2
  1008.  @hurstmitchell6392  If it's gonna happen, better now than leaving it to our grandchildren.
    2
  1009. Yes, but I'd prefer Keef Fluffabout: Prime Minister, human rights activist and sex pest.
    2
  1010. Yeah but only 'cos you've got white privilege. Dr. Gideon Micropenis told me so.
    2
  1011.  @amandaJ7449  Perhaps the RMT 's dispute should be with ASLEF. Leave the poor suffering public out of this.
    2
  1012.  @martinbonner2585  Good and detailed reply.
    2
  1013. Damned fine comment, Enlightened.
    2
  1014.  @MrMarkg1968  It's sad the Conservatives aren't conservative.
    2
  1015.  @hannannah1uk  Pay the migrants to leave. It's cheaper than housing them. Offer the migrants ten grand and they'll find somewhere of their own accord. Perhaps they'll buy dinghies and sail the OTHER way.
    2
  1016.  @paulscottfilms  Kiwis were always the toughest and most implacable foes for the enemies of the old Empire. It's very sad to see the wokist disease is a worldwide contagion. The UK, the US, NZ, Australia and Canada are all teetering on the edge of the abyss, near the point of no return. Plus France and a dozen other countries.
    2
  1017.  @FatNorthernBigot  I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU, CLEM !!!
    2
  1018.  @FatNorthernBigot  The BBC should've hired ME as the new Doctor. There's never been a moustached Doctor and I've got a nice safari suit. (Persons who don't understand should search "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    2
  1019. You too? I offered a funny idea for a future video. Nothing in the least bit offensive, waycist or something-phobic. A few hours later it's gone.
    2
  1020.  @MarmiteMangoMachine  Feared by the bad, loved by the good.
    2
  1021.  @joseywales3789  Hey Josey - There is iron in your words.
    2
  1022.  @richardcoles2432  Identical here.
    2
  1023. They created a wasteland and called it diversity.
    2
  1024.  @davidbetts9332  Hislop undoubtedly makes more money from the BBC than he's ever made from his magazine. The BBC bought him, and control the narrative of the UK's number one anti-establishment platform. Islam murdered the journalists at Charlie Hebdo, but Private Eye sits in comfort by supporting the establishment's narrative.
    2
  1025.  @sayitaintso2900  White people can't afford a roof over their heads.
    2
  1026.  @memyself1566  There is no solution. Our longterm destiny is a Balkanisation of the UK. 50 years from now, the UK will resemble the former Yugoslavia during its civil war. Horrific but inevitable.
    2
  1027. Andrew wore protection. I assume condoms can be bought in the US as well.
    2
  1028.  @stevenwhitehead7919  Agreed!
    2
  1029.  @eccehomer8182  Gideon wants Andrew cancelled.
    2
  1030.  @monteceitomoocher  The coppers wanted to arrest Lawrence but got the wrong Laurence.
    2
  1031. Best comment I've seen in ages.
    2
  1032. Yeah but only 'cos you've got white privilege and your ancestors owned slaves. The BBC told me so.
    2
  1033.  @agentcarbunkle  I'm a fan of Lee Harvey Oswald.
    2
  1034.  @AntonyClayton-eq1ul  Loads of replies disappearing.
    2
  1035. I could accept Richard Ayoade (Moss from The IT Crowd) because he's charming, funny and eccentric. I'd watch just to see his spin on the role. But Fruity Gatwick was selected on the basis of box-ticking alone. It's sad that a genuinely talented British actor couldn't have got the role instead.
    2
  1036. You're FIRST, Lee!
    2
  1037. Nothin' over the top here. For over the top, watch the videos by Keef Fluffabout. Citizen journalist, freedom fighter and sex pest.
    2
  1038.  jhõn frąncísz  Skynet. Sarah Connor tried to warn us.
    2
  1039. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Zero chance of winning, but he'll get his message over, raise his profile and earn the respect of the Based.
    2
  1040.  @AbcDef-ww2gy  You object to people who use the word "woke". That makes you a snowflake as well.
    2
  1041.  @AbcDef-ww2gy  Aha! You are a triggered angry leftie, spewing insults. How very YouTube.
    2
  1042. Does Keir Starmer have a penis?
    2
  1043. NEVER FORGET: The BBC hates you. Hate them back.
    2
  1044.  @Tokinjester  There used to be an expression, "As bent as a three pound note". The term could refer to que*rs or corrupt coppers. Is that homophobic these days?
    2
  1045.  Ace Adonis  No. Any assassination would need to resemble an accident, not an killing. The British would be unable to control any subsequent French enquiry. If the French discovered it was an assassination, they'd have a loaded gun to hold to the head of the UK for the next hundred years.
    2
  1046.  @anthonyblister3064  Yep. Writing the truth gets me shadow-banned.
    2
  1047.  @ant6695  Good catch. Please post this fun fact widely.
    2
  1048.  @ant6695  Strange: I click on Replies and yours disappears. There is some part of your truth-bomb which YouTube's algorithms doesn't want us to read.
    2
  1049.  @ant6695  Exactly.
    2
  1050.  @davtan6031  Yep. I suspect lefties falsely report our comments a hate speech. Use similar phrase in a future comment and Skynet does the rest.
    2
  1051. "Wear a condom. You're safe with a condom" - official UK Govt. advice during the AIDS outbreak of the 1980s. Security stopped me for having no mask when I went to Tescos a week ago. I showed her my condom-clad willy. I was arrested but the joke's on them. The covid backlog has delayed my court appearance until 2023.
    2
  1052.  @davidpowell6098  Decades have passed and we still remember the words. Oddly, most of those aliens weren't gender-specific. If Bud Light had been marketed by the Smash space-aliens, there wouldn't have been a backlash.
    2
  1053. FUN FACT: Twat Valley Police has the lowest rate of arrest of grooming gangs but the highest rate of arrest for sending unkind text messages. This means Twat Valley has NO grooming gangs but thousands of closet far-right neo-Nazi racist bigots. Anybody who claims otherwise is a far right extremist and will be arrested.
    2
  1054.  jhõn frąncísz  You're usually FIRST on these videos. Unusual to see you arriving after ten minutes.
    2
  1055. The authorities are intending to use drones, to hunt teenagers who are smoking illegally on waste ground. The original idea was to develop big growling balloons to chase them down the street. But the technology isn't quite there yet.
    2
  1056.  @crabby7668  Our electoral system needs a complete overhaul. It'll never happen, because the corrupt parties which benefit from the present system would be disadvantaged with an honest and fair system.
    2
  1057.  Steve Terry  hahahahaha!
    2
  1058. There are passages in the Koran where Mohammed orders Muslims to murder Jews, Christians and gays. Extremist bigots are often afraid to show their faces.
    2
  1059. She identifies as a woman? That's transphobic.
    2
  1060. Good use of capital letters. I see what you did there.
    2
  1061. Biden can't find Ukraine on a map. Biden can't find the map. Biden can't find his trousers without a nurse to help him. BIDEN: "Goddammit, the UK has invaded Russia, what are those British up to?"
    2
  1062. I'd gladly sell pictures of my knob for 35 grand.
    2
  1063. They'll do it to Trump if they can.
    2
  1064.  @psalmno.51  Thankyou for reading my joke without rebuking me. May your God go with you.
    2
  1065. Peppa Pig is offensive to Muslims and Jews. BAN HER!
    2
  1066.  @bettyswunghole3310  Andrew tells the truth. That's why the coppers will shortly kick in Andrew's door and arrest him.
    2
  1067. I doubt they can stop virtue signalling. It's very much easier than actual police work.
    2
  1068.  @shongololo9778  Yep.
    2
  1069.  @iap-ug3oy  I don't think the voting card is compulsory. I haven't taken mine with me in decades. I go to the table, state my name and address and it's crossed-off. The bigger threat is "community activists" from a specific ethnicity, who compile postal votes on behalf of everyone they know.
    2
  1070.  @Evexified  It's almost like the races are in fact different, and each has attributes which the other doesn't possess. But if a scientist said that, he'd be sacked and made permanently unemployable.
    2
  1071. We don't have enough military to deliver petrol any more.
    2
  1072.  @elainetalbot469  No, Justin has done newspaper interviews about it. His mum was a drunken slattern, his REAL father was not the person whom she married. Jesus probably had a fraught conversation with His own mum. "My son, there was this holy spirit, and he said to me..."
    2
  1073. Most of those profits come from overseas. British companies making huge profits from overseas markets - what's wrong with that? Let's tax all those businesses into oblivion until they relocate overseas and the UK receives no tax at all. Yeah, that'll work.
    2
  1074.  @carlsummers2316  I agree with Brian Griffin. A crowd of social justice warriors outside Brian's house accused him of racism. He replied, "I'm not racist. I watch tons of black porn". I espouse the same opinion, even when I'm neither drunk nor humping somebody's leg.
    2
  1075.  @markhenry192  I don't think the comedian Andrew Lawrence goes to Australia to interview people. I think you mean Avi Yemeni, who lives there and does it all the time.
    2
  1076.  @derekmay8679  I recall Peter Griffin doing something similar. But it was his pe*is.
    2
  1077.  @parker-ii7fg  Too many chiefs, not enough Indians (*native Americans*).
    2
  1078. I'm looking for the Alley Snackbar. Serving BBQ'd old age pensioners.
    2
  1079.  English Bulldog  I'm soory, Enlist Buldogl, sumtimes I'm a speling Narzi and litrully Hilter.
    2
  1080.  English Bulldog  Your comment is needlessly nasty. Your response says more about you than I would wish to.
    2
  1081.  @WELLBRAN  You misunderstand the word "Celt".
    2
  1082.  @WELLBRAN  St. George was black. The BBC told me so.
    2
  1083. Boris can't organise a p*ss-up in a garden without fouling it up. Why should we expect this plan to be any better?
    2
  1084.  @I_Don_t_want_a_handle  Haha! I did not know that!
    2
  1085.  @RobReadControlledProjects  Technically speaking: We be completely f***ed.
    2
  1086.  @dermot51  Half a brain... Diane says that's about 95%.
    2
  1087. Call him Miss Putin and he'll invade within the hour.
    2
  1088. If Andrew was a leftie, he'd have his own TV series by now.
    2
  1089. Keef Fluffabout has said lots of controversial things about Sadiq Khan. If Khan's lawyers come looking for YOU, Andrew, tell them you've never heard of Keef. But you suspect Keef's real name might be Alex Belfield. EDIT - I left a similar comment here five minutes ago. I've returned and it has disappeared.
    1
  1090. The cross-channel foogees taste like pork and, being undocumented, nobody will miss them.
    1
  1091.  @terrorbilly1  I apologise for previously having funded a corporation which seeks my ethnic replacement. But not any more.
    1
  1092. I misread your comment as "poof party".
    1
  1093. If I became a lorry driver, could I squash Insulate-protesters under the wheels of my HGV? SIGN ME UP!
    1
  1094. White boys obtain worse exam results than girls and BAME persons. Women and BAME persons have suffered because of this dreadful misogyny and waycism. Yeah. (EDIT - Can anyone see this comment? Sometimes YT shadow-bans me.)
    1
  1095.  @mistahsusan2650  THANKS! I can't see yours either.
    1
  1096.  @bazzatheblue  Yes. Although I've noticed their newer history documentaries tend to favour BAME women as presenters. There is NOTHING wrong with this, but I suspect they're getting the jobs whilst better-qualified white males are rejected.
    1
  1097.  @tristenwolf6739  We've got a one-party state but, for purposes of deception, it's labelled with different names.
    1
  1098. Andrew - Please prevent your friend Keith Cu*tabout from harassing Mr. Whitty.
    1
  1099.  @Johnny-sj9sj  Thanks, Johnny. I'm still waiting for the explosive tell-all account from Gordon the Gopher. He suffered years of sexual abuse after Philip Schofield first fisted his rear end.
    1
  1100.  @MakeAsylumsGre4tAgain  Andrew should identify as a woman and enter the Miss England contest. Anyone who objects is a transphobe.
    1
  1101.  @johnday6392  Thanks! My best comments get automatically deleted by YouTube's algorithms.
    1
  1102. ...and defund the BBC. You forgot that bit, Ben. I'll remind you every time I see a non-BBC comment from you.
    1
  1103.  @peteh7966  I suspect Toast has been falsely reporting my comments as hate speech.
    1
  1104.  @parade1996  It would be funny if Peter Griffin met the Pope, pooped his pants and mistook the Pope for an African American sportsman, but the Leader of the Free World?
    1
  1105. Great comedy as usual, but did you put your microphone inside a wooden box in a different room? Also, tell your neighbours to keep their music down. IDEA FOR A FUTURE VIDEO: Prof. Gideon Micropenis is giving his monologue, but can barely be heard because of the loud music from the 215 Pakistanis in the flat upstairs.
    1
  1106. @@GrahamPaul-mj6lg Better get started fast or it'll be too late. Like trying to save the Titanic after its collision with a column of people carrying buckets.
    1
  1107.  @thegeneralist7527  Agreed. Your short comment nails it.
    1
  1108. I've had a DNA test and I'm 3% black. I'm also unwashed, unfunny with zero talent. I've ticked every box to win a prize at the comedy awards.
    1
  1109. Not really. I haven't had a DNA test. I couldn't win anyway because I'm insufficiently gay.
    1
  1110.  @user-qb3oh1jw9k  I wrote it again with a modification, but it still disappeared.
    1
  1111. Mr. Potatohead writes Joe's speeches.
    1
  1112.  @higgz73  that's why Bliar cancelled capital punishment for tre450n.
    1
  1113. @Knickertwist Copperby I disliked it too.
    1
  1114.  @LOTPOR0402  Steve needs to Like his own comments. Nobody else will.
    1
  1115. PETER GRIFFIN: "Shut up, Meg". ANDREW: "Shut up, Meg". YOU AND I: "Shut up, Meg". GLEN QUAGMIRE: "No no no no no, thanks but no".
    1
  1116. BEST. RANT. EVER.
    1
  1117.  @j.t.01  The majority of the population in London, Birmingham and several other cities is non-white. Going from perhaps 1% non-white to more than 50% non-white in 60 years looks like replacement to me.
    1
  1118. I support Twat Valley Rovers.
    1
  1119.  Jonny Mosquito  OK.
    1
  1120.  @bbouchan1  Fastest journeys I ever made were by Austin Mini. Always deaf at the end.
    1
  1121.  @Blackfoxparadox  Before my hair went grey. And when I still had a full set of teeth.
    1
  1122.  @markbadger265  Haynes manuals are great!
    1
  1123. Our governments despise us.
    1
  1124.  @WillCamx  Yep. The government could help us all by ending the BBC licence fee. £160 will buy you a few weeks of electricity. Watching TV without the BBC tax renders us all criminals.
    1
  1125.  @jackie0604oxon  Pauly's comment was good. Your reply was even better.
    1
  1126.  @Seminal_Ideas  I assume you like my name, Vic, and I definitely love your name as well.
    1
  1127. New regulations? W*nkers finding new ways to w*nk.
    1
  1128.  @steadynumber1  I remember that line!
    1
  1129.  @IanMay-g5u  YES! Hilarious even though it went against my beliefs.
    1
  1130.  @vespadavidson2315  Wot - amm i a jolk to yoo?
    1
  1131. I give myself joy and happiness by having sex with farm animals. No, not really. Honestly no no no no no. Really, NO. But it's the only depraved act of sexual desire which the Left doesn't yet describe as stunning and brave.
    1
  1132. Feeling cold? Gather your family around you and suck on a Polo mint. They can warm their hands on your breath.
    1
  1133. WORLD LEADERS: "Sheep don't need money. And they're happy".
    1
  1134.  @marryan2872  I can't remember your comment, but I recall Liking it.
    1
  1135. Not systemic racism? That's the usual cause.
    1
  1136. ANDREW - Will you attend the big event in London on 18th December? Get a soap box and give us a turn!
    1
  1137. I'll never ride in a Ford Transit again without covering my face in shame.
    1
  1138.  @jamesdavison2416  I'd be delighted if Richard Ayoade could've been the new Doctor. NONE of my comments are waycist or anti-black.
    1
  1139. I'd love Keef to be a GP. "Oi oi, bend over moosh, I need to examine your prostate".
    1
  1140.  @nilebaker3729  What - Don't you trust me ?!?!?
    1
  1141. Who's this video about? I've never heard of him.
    1
  1142.  @AndyMan365  "I'm Keef Fluffabout: Freedom Warrior, Member of Parliament and sex pest".
    1
  1143. Worth remembering the Saudis own more than 30% of The Guardian. Like most lefties, he'll grift and lie for his paycheque.
    1
  1144. SAD FACT: Islamists who are offended by the views expressed by Lawrence might try to murder him. Ain't diversity lovely.
    1
  1145. Did Maxwell take a poo on Jeff's bed? No, but she probably paid a 17-year-old to do it whilst Jeff watched.
    1
  1146. Hooking up with a 19 year old woman. I'm a flabby middle-aged heterosexual male, but if I thought I could obtain a few millions from Leonardo, I'd gladly go to bed with him as well.
    1
  1147. A Van Gogh print on the wall behind Andrew. Andrew himself looks like Vincent Van Gogh. I hope he won't cut his ear off.
    1
  1148.  @shakesmarley4754  Strange how the only world leader who opposes the WEF is Vladimir Putin. Perhaps we're backing the wrong side by supporting Ukraine.
    1
  1149. Hey Keef - Please stand for Parliament at the next general erection. We need to see how Keef performs at erection time. I wanna see the size of his pole. Hire a hall, sell tickets, perform an erection-time hustings.
    1
  1150. 2A rights didn't help on Jan 6th. People got imprisoned for wearing native American head dress.
    1
  1151.  @WorksopGimp  Loads of replies disappearing.
    1
  1152. THE LEFT: "To defend free speech, we must ensure OUR views are the ONLY views which can be expressed",
    1
  1153.  @johnsmith-ht3sy  Hahaha!
    1
  1154. Jesus died on the cross because of covid.
    1
  1155. The ONLY persons targeted by BBC comedy are white heterosexual males. All comedy which features other genders, non-whites or non-Christians is banned. Only white heterosexual males can be ridiculed, demonised or mocked. As a white male heterosexual, I refuse to fund the BBC.
    1
  1156. I rarely side with Keir Starmer, but this time is different.
    1
  1157. He deserves a statue.
    1
  1158.  @tensevo  People dislike the black bumper MG models. That's RACIST.
    1
  1159. @Suffolk Punch Panther Nelly the Elephant. I remember the song. She loved Trump.
    1
  1160.  @simonwilton3546  Is that you, Clem?
    1
  1161.  @thegrandmuftiofwakanda  I don't want Toast to come back.
    1
  1162. Whilst you're reading this, Julian Assange is rotting in a British prison. His only offence: He exposed the corruption of the wealthy criminal elite in the US government.
    1
  1163.  @edwardwilcox6606  Yeah, but Biden's forgotten who Einstein was.
    1
  1164.  @johngurvan8279  Oh forkin ell.
    1
  1165. NEVER FORGET: The BBC hates you. Hate them back.
    1
  1166.  @PeterGreen-t8c  I voted against that system because it was stooooopid. I'd prefer the system used in the Euro elections.
    1
  1167. Sebastian Fatsalary should sack himself. He's white, he's male and he's neither openly gay or Rwandan.
    1
  1168. Serious point here - Randy Andy is ALLEGED to have f*cked a woman who was above the British age of consent. She volunteered her services and, if it actually happened, she knew exactly what she was hired for. I cannot for the life of me believe Andy did anything wrong. I'm of a similar age. If I were single and a pretty woman offered to f*ck me, I'd say YES. She'd offer her honour. I'd honour her offer. And all night long I'd be on her and off her.
    1
  1169. @Jack Warner Search YT for "JFK The Smoking Gun". It's plausible the final head shot was from a Secret Serviceman's own weapon.
    1
  1170. I'm worried about your reference to the "back entrance". Gay coppers might find a reason to strip-search Andrew.
    1
  1171. Here's how Greta says we should save the planet: Cease production of all meat products, all cereal products, all vegetables and all fruit. Result: a massive famine with millions of dead. Which is exactly what you'd expect from communism.
    1
  1172. Condoms are good for protection. Condoms are great for pricks. Go on, Harry. You deserve a condom.
    1
  1173.  @jaynekittycat9252  Hunt has the smile of a vivisectionist.
    1
  1174. I'd vote for Andrew. But I'd prefer to vote for Keef.
    1
  1175. You and I are destroying British culture. It's happening on our watch. We're allowing it to happen.
    1
  1176.  @davidbarlow350  YES!
    1
  1177. Review the morning papers.
    1
  1178. I agree with the Green Nudist Activist who attacked Paul Pelosi with an assault hammer. The right to bear hammers and go on Grindr dates whilst the wife is absent shall not be infringed. We need more nudist activist hammer attacks.
    1
  1179. Twat Valley University is almost as bad.
    1
  1180. Put a migrant asylum hostel next to his house and he'll move out.
    1
  1181. ANDREW - IDEA FOR A NEW VIDEO - Give yourself some grey hair makeup. Make a video which has dropped through a wormhole in the space-time continuum, from the year 2043. Maybe the UK is now an Islamic state, Queen Meghan employs giant growling balloons to chase non-vegans down the street and the new speed limit is 5mph. Your ideas will be better than mine.
    1
  1182. He looks like Keef Kuntabout to me.
    1
  1183.  @paulkirton8945  Hahaha!
    1
  1184.  @sirrathersplendid4825  Maybe the absence of beards among female comedians explains why they're rarely funny.
    1
  1185.  @britishpatriot812  YES! We're showing our age.
    1
  1186.  @devilliers123  Benny couldn't perform his "Sirry Iriot" sketch today.
    1
  1187. Funny how Prof. Micropenis would agree with much of this. From a distance, of course. Wealthy intellectual socialists wouldn't want to be seen with the actual working class.
    1
  1188.  @DB-np2vg  Unlike Harry, Andrew won't arrive home unexpectedly and discover his beloved in bed, smoking crack with Pookie and Ray-Ray.
    1
  1189. My favourite Manning joke: A bloke bought himself a black inflatable sex doll. He blew it up and it mugged him.
    1
  1190.  @samfazers8818  Khan has a guaranteed permanent majority. Unless the peaceful religion gets its own party.
    1
  1191.  @kenthompson3657  Sometimes an incel Guardian-reading leftie, sitting in his stained underwear in his mum's spare room, will read a comment he dislikes. He falsely reports it via the three little buttons to the right of the comment. The algorithms delete the comment and remember the phrasing. Post another comment with similar phrasing it'll disappear.
    1
  1192.  @Dave-hu5hr  Agreed, and I love your name.
    1
  1193.  jhőn fráncísz  helo bak
    1
  1194.  @northernlad1397  No, YOU shut up!
    1
  1195.  @northernlad1397  Hahahahaha! (If I was black and you are white, I could categorise your comment as hate speech.)
    1
  1196.  @northernlad1397 Am I mad? No, I'm f*ckin' furious!
    1
  1197.  @bigvern3487  Thanks for the heads-up, everybody. SOME of my comments get shadow-banned, the others remain visible.
    1
  1198. To cover the sound of weeping leftists.
    1
  1199. @john Lee Sorry, I'm too dim. What's the result?
    1
  1200. @john Lee Sorry, neither Brandon nor I have the brain cells to work it out. I recall hearing in the 1090s that "a limp Hitler" is an anagram of Michael Portillo. Dunno if that's true.
    1
  1201. @john Lee Aha! Excellent! I'm gonna repeat that a lot! Thanks for telling me, I would not have guessed it otherwise. I'm pleased you've told me about Rishi's anus. I would not have dared to look.
    1
  1202. @john Lee STRANGE FACT: I click on "Replies" and yours disappears. Skynet dislikes your use of the word "anus".
    1
  1203. @john Lee Somebody at YouTube self-identifies as an anus and assumes you're commenting about him/her.
    1
  1204. Professor Gideon Micropenis agrees with this message.
    1
  1205.  Richard Kent  Nah, black people created China. The BBC told me so.
    1
  1206.  @grwuk  I don't pay to watch the other channels. If I refuse to fund the BBC, I could go to prison. They'll have to catch me first.
    1
  1207.  @leecromer3289  (Yorkshire accent) We'd DREAM of 'aving a candle. All we 'ad were dead cats stolen from t'local chippie.
    1
  1208.  @My2up2downCastle  You too?
    1
  1209.  @flybobbie1449  I think it was Biden who stole Peter Griffin's shirt. (Search YouTube if you don't get the reference.)
    1
  1210. It's like Prof Gideon Micropenis has become chief constable.
    1
  1211. Not ineffective. Both the Tories and Labour are doing exactly what the WEF requires of them.
    1
  1212.  @Microdave75  I identify as a black lesbian with a penis. Claim otherwise and you're a bigot.
    1
  1213.  @joancampbell4130  Haha!
    1
  1214.  @TheGodsrighthandman  Diane can count up to 100 on the fingers of one hand.
    1
  1215.  @grumpyoldgit9498  Hey Grumpy - have you, Davey and Andrew been reading my mind? Same here!
    1
  1216.  @NotDuncan  John Wick? OK so nobody actually killed Trump's dog, but give Trump a beating and he'll come looking for justice.
    1
  1217.  @IainFrame  Wot - Men and women are different? WAYCIST !!!
    1
  1218.  jhőn fráncísz  yello bak
    1
  1219.  @missingwords6723  Your comment is ageist and gender-hostile. The Guardian would regard you as a lowlife.
    1
  1220. Andrew is the blackest and gayest lesbian I've ever seen on YouTube.
    1
  1221.  @colinstewart1432  Andrew won't win, but he could hold several public meetings where he can practice his live routine. Ukraine's present leader started as a stand-up comic. Who knows what might happen? Imagine Andrew as PM, doing Prime Ministers Questions. "Keef Fluffabout 'ere, Prime Minister, freedom fighter and sex pest".
    1
  1222. Johnny Smugface makes more money from anal lubricant than Elon Musk will ever make from Twitter.
    1
  1223.  @Kenneth165-f5u  Yes. And a mostly-brown cabinet headed by an Indian PM will sort out illegal immigration. Right? Right? Yeah we good.
    1
  1224.  @Kenneth165-f5u  Agreed.
    1
  1225.  @BigBenn2014  To avoid premature eruptions, imagine Nicola Sturgeon.
    1
  1226. Diane has been nasty to whites and ginger for decades. That's two groups, but Diane can't count that high. Didn't get called out until she attacked the Juice. Plenty of Juice are ginger as well.
    1
  1227.  @Vamosamigo123  Ginger pubes are WONDERFUL.
    1
  1228.  @thefox3926  Enoch saw the ice berg from the mast. Gave plenty of warning. Couldn't know the officers on the bridge were deliberately aiming for it.
    1
  1229. Scientists claim covid can be spread by farting. That's another good reason to avoid giving cunnilingus to Diane Abbott.
    1
  1230.  @jamesthecat  With a butt-plug.
    1
  1231.  @atalanta9353  Phone your local private hospital. Get seen by a competent GP the next day. Maybe about £90, but that's cheaper than a funeral. I did that in Dec. '22 and it literally saved my life.
    1
  1232.  @johnholmes5674  I've never trusted Jesus since He tried to seduce Lois Griffin.
    1
  1233. I want Andrew to stand for Parliament. Zelensky started as a stand-up comedian. If a civil war is coming, I'd rather have Andrew at the helm than Rishi.
    1
  1234.  @beani001  Please explain your comment.
    1
  1235. As with Andrew, the giraffe can't help but stick his neck out.
    1
  1236.  @deniseelsworth7816  Lots of heroes on YouTube. (Lots of w*nkers too, but not in Andrew's case.)
    1
  1237.  @LaZoucheCustomshop  Mandatory vaccination like in Auschwitz. My body, my choice.
    1
  1238. I've never trusted Jesus since He tried to seduce Lois Griffin.
    1
  1239.  @robm8809  One day he'll get a prison cell alongside Julian Assange. "Are you in here for telling the truth as well?"
    1
  1240. Richard Ayoade must have felt sick last night. He's a brilliant, talented and charming entertainer, who was surrounded by untalented f*ckwits for no better reason than to promote diversity.
    1
  1241. WARNING: Covid can be spread by breaking wind. Which is another good reason never to offer cunnilingus to Nicola Sturgeon.
    1
  1242.  @lpj55  Yeah but Sadiq Khan says it's normal in a large city. A mosque is destined for the site.
    1
  1243. I wouldn't trust a cop who arrives in a gay pride car. I wouldn't trust a cop who arrives in a car with Masonic symbols.
    1
  1244.  @josephinefothergill191  I suspect we're a similar age.
    1
  1245.  @stevedennison4095  My son is 12. We used to go to car boot sales and buy Doctor Who DVDs. He realised, of his own volition and without me prompting him, that the recent seasons are trash and he stopped watching. Good taste and judgement.
    1
  1246. I wish Rishi had a drunk Frenchman as his chauffer. Especially one who drives at twice the legal limit through twisty tunnels at night. I volunteer to buy a white Fiat Uno and lay in wait for the car. This time we'll video the whole thing, so we can all laugh our heads off.
    1
  1247. ANDREW: Pease make a video referencing Jeffrey Toobin's Zoom call. Maybe Prince Harry attempts a Zoom call but can't access his willy because Meg keeps it inside a chastity belt.
    1
  1248.  jhõn frąncísz  Ant agin J
    1
  1249.  @Kowalski_5  Haha! Also, I love your name.
    1
  1250.  @richard7645  Persons who stand for Parliament will hold one or more "hustings", typically hiring a hall, making speeches and taking questions. Andrew could do that in a few theatres. He'll need an experienced agent to watch the legality, particularly regarding expenses.
    1
  1251. This is Andrew Lawrence? He resembles Keef.
    1
  1252. Does Keir Starmer have a penis?
    1
  1253. Surely that's Rik from the student bedsit. A silly spiteful overprivileged leftie who's never grown up. The Peoples' Poet. Contradict him, and he'll shout "Fascist!" and storm off.
    1
  1254.  @davidgranvillehunter6231  "You can teach monkeys to fly better than that" - a line from the movie, "The Battle of Britain".
    1
  1255. Title Sorry, I'm a speling Narzi and litrully Hilter.
    1
  1256. She can go down on my meat and two veg except she's vegan.
    1
  1257. Prince Philip is everything the BBC hates. He was white. He was a war hero. He had a sense of humour. He was loyal to our country and our crown. Prince Philip: Service and duty. What a racist bigot.
    1
  1258. As a Cornishman, I celebrate the story of Saint Piran. He was thrown over an Irish cliff whilst tied to a millstone, whereupon he floated across the sea to Cornwall. On landing, Piran's first converts were a fox, a bear and a badger.
    1
  1259. Rishi claims Labour will destroy the economy, open the borders, diminish our armed forces and permit rampant crime. So... no change there.
    1
  1260.  @therainbowgulag.  As Mr. Pertwee's coffin was lowered into the ground, there was a strange electronic sound effect and it disappeared into another place and time. Jon Pertwee is battling to save the galaxy right now, assisted by plucky teenage sidekicks.
    1
  1261.  @woodenseagull1899  I replied to you yesterday, but this morning my reply has disappeared. YouTube's algorithms are very strange.
    1
  1262.  @eteline_music  No. Andrew isn't a chad. Keef Kuntabout is a chad. Professor Micropenis is a brilliant lecturer in woke studies.
    1
  1263.  @howardbowen-RC-Pilot  Wokists can't change a light bulb until after they've done a risk assessment and donned protective boots, helmet and a hi-vis vest.
    1
  1264. I keep leaving comments and they repeatedly disappear.
    1
  1265. Ash Sarkar will claim Andrew is like a suffragette.
    1
  1266. The next general election will see a Labour landslide victory. Not because Labour will win extra votes, but because Tory voters won't bother to turn out. Same thing happens EVERY time the Tories lose. Elect a crap leader and suffer the consequences.
    1
  1267. It's OK, this new diverse government will sort out illegal immigration. Right? Right? Yeah all good.
    1
  1268. The BBC was invented in an era of passenger-carrying airships, steam trains and widespread tuberculosis. The BBC is an obsolete concept and should be closed.
    1
  1269. Archbishop Welby is a bit like Jesus. He's part-Jewish and wasn't sure who his real dad is. (Find Welby's Wiki page, see for yourself.)
    1
  1270. James Bond needs to be a white British heterosexual male. If that offends people, they can f*ck off and watch drag-porn instead.
    1
  1271. HAPPY EASTER! Let's celebrate a man dying a horrible painful death! Yay!
    1
  1272. I refuse to fund a corporation which propagandises against sportsmen and women because they're too white.
    1
  1273. Guests at Keir Starmer's party could smell the tuna sandwiches but couldn't find them. Then Angela Rayner closed her legs and the scent went away.
    1
  1274.  @pw601  River Tiber (Thames) foaming with much blood.
    1
  1275.  @mossychops  I'm still hoping for a Free Julian Assange.
    1
  1276.  @keithmarshall8796  THANKS FOR CORRECTING ME! I will edit my comment.
    1
  1277. Keef Fluffabout has said some very based things about Sadiq Khan. If Sadiq Khan sues YOU for £41,000,000, Andrew, tell his barrister you've never met Keef. But you suspect Keef's REAL name might be Alex Belfield.
    1
  1278. WOKE MAKES YOU FREE. Nuffin to eat except bugs. All your possessions taken from you. Comply with our narrative in the name of free speech. Accept experimental life-endangering vaccinations or lose your job. Ethnic cleansing 'cos you're not diverse. Yay for wokeness.
    1
  1279. The police are like the RAF, who'll reject white recruits unless they're gay.
    1
  1280. The LBGTQ+ activists should defend Ukraine's borders, via the medium of interpretive dance.
    1
  1281. You can spot a vegan in a crowd from a distance. He/she is the one who looks pale and ill.
    1
  1282. I'd rather die than live in fear. F*ck the virus. If it comes near me, I'll give it a head-butt. It's a good day to die.
    1
  1283.  @oldskoolordie  Here's why having "devolved powers" doesn't work in Scotland's interests. The SNP doesn't want devolved powers. It demands full independence. That's why Scotland is completely fooked up. The SNP can't demand independence unless devolution has already failed.
    1
  1284.  @williwonkah.9242  Despite oil and whisky, the Scottish economy cannot survive without English handouts.
    1
  1285.  @williwonkah.9242  It's BRITISH oil and gas (apart from the Norwegian bits), not Scottish. If Scotland was independent in the 1970s and said, "It's OUR oil", the French would've moved in with their navy. Not a lot the Scots could've done about it, not having their own navy. Which is British.
    1
  1286.  @williwonkah.9242  The English and Scots knocked seven shades of sh!te out of each other for a thousand years. The Scots still call the English "Sassenachs", a corruption of the word "Saxon". Eventually England won. A thousand years later, the Scots need to get over it. We're stronger together, end of.
    1
  1287.  @williwonkah.9242  Thankyou for your kind and generous reply. That's very un-YouTube.
    1
  1288. The Tory politician Willy Whitelaw promised this identical "short sharp shock" whilst the Conservatives were in opposition during the 1970s. Parties in opposition or behind in the polls always promise this exact same crackdown on crime. Oh look over there, distract distract, don't look at the other stuff.
    1
  1289.  jhon.francis  we be all meatin up agin as uzual
    1
  1290.  jhőn fráncísz  hye jon
    1
  1291.  @earlgrey691  Asda refuses to sell more than three items from its "Essentials" range at a time. I tried to buy four jars of jam. Computer said No.
    1
  1292. It's FUNNY 'cos it's TRUE! I saw Prof. Micropenis in Tesco when he did it.
    1
  1293.  @amandaJ7449  All true, agreed. The unions should rethink the rates of pay. The unions clearly undervalue their other staff.
    1
  1294.  @fredbloggs4181  Thankyou for your god advice.
    1
  1295.  @JackOfski  Interesting range of informed comments here.
    1
  1296.  @anthonypreece6599  Agreed.
    1
  1297.  @mattsmith87  Labour destroys the economy and invites the ethnic displacement of the British people. The Tories f*cks up the economy and invites the ethnic displacement of the British people. Not much of a difference.
    1
  1298. @Expo Scotland Straight blokes are happy to be slobs. Gays tend to wear fashionable gear with a neatly-trimmed beard and cologne. On the other hand, l35b1ans tend to dress like slobs with beer guts and piercings. I realise these are stereotypical depictions, but stereotypes are derived from real-life observation.
    1
  1299.  @mrsgbee  There's a line in a Robbie Williams song about, "All the handsome men are gay". Or in his case, bi.
    1
  1300. As a cabinet member under Boris, Rishi is jointly responsible for burning down the economy. Hiring Rishi as PM is like hiring the arsonist to rebuild the house.
    1
  1301.  @dropbear9526  Andrew could raise a lot if important issues if he stood for Parliament. And he'd have a hoot of a good time.
    1
  1302.  @lovepeaceandrespect8808  A 24-pack of toilet paper used to cost £6.90 two years ago. Now it's £9.90. Soon I won't be able to afford to wipe my own arse. In some big cities, Islamic missionaries like to give out free Korans. What happens next?
    1
  1303. I want to see Greta Thunberg go into a boxing ring with Keef Kuntabout. I'd give good money to watch.
    1
  1304.  @orwellboy1958  Brandon remains confused between the UK and the Ukraine. "Dammit, the British have invaded Russia? What was their Queen thinking when she sent her Redcoats to... errr... What was I saying? Oh yeah, the thing".
    1
  1305.  @normankennith7919  I prefer my coffee the way I prefer my women. Without a penis.
    1
  1306.  @utv5490  Ooh, an angry troll hurling offensive groundless accusations! Carrie Lineker claimed kids gave him a hard time at school because of his dark skin. Carrie deserves to be ridiculed for uttering such nonsense. (EDIT - this is a reply to a troll who accused me of being a thick waycist. It appears he's now deleted his own comment.)
    1
  1307.  @robm8809  I wholly agree with you. I ceased watching after the first episode.
    1
  1308. Andrew would be useless but hilariously so. Unlike the present lot and Labour, who are just useless.
    1
  1309. Can somebody please lock Prince Harry in a mental institution for his own protection. Harry has spoken about rubbing face cream on his frostbitten willy, and the scent reminding him of his mother. I mean... that's some serious fooked-up Oedipus-related sh!t right there. Harry doesn't have a right to self-harm in this way and deserves our intervention.
    1
  1310.  @stellajayne  It's funny because Stephen Fry is gay. He excludes women from his bed. It's a matter of personal taste and free choice.
    1
  1311.  @MarkDaleADV  Please repeat my comment but with your improvement.
    1
  1312. I cuddled my pet to keep warm. My goldfish died as a result.
    1
  1313.  @mikehipperson  No. I suppose that makes me a homophobic bigot 'cos I'd refuse to put a man's cook in my mouth. (Creative spelling.)
    1
  1314.  @ultrademigod  BLM and it's supporters have taken the White House. Not even the Nazis and the KKK managed that.
    1
  1315.  @ultrademigod  Agreed 100%. Or as Diane would say, eleventy-twelvety %. Watch as civilisation crumbles.
    1
  1316.  @William.A.D  I love ginger pube5!
    1
  1317.  @johnwade1095  I wrote that you can easily spot a vegan in a crowd 'cos he/she looks sickly and pale.
    1
  1318. Never forget: The BBC hates you. Hate them back.
    1
  1319. I recon DJT is made of steel. If somebody tries a shot at him, DJT will jump out of his car, run up the stairs at the Book Depository and rip the fecker's head off.
    1
  1320. Hey Tarquin - are you standing in the Minehead by election?
    1
  1321.  @bonglandgreg  David Bowie wore makeup and dressed trans-style, 50 years ago. Unlike Sam Smith, Bowie was genuinely talented and an original. Fatso Sam Smith is an untalented narcissistic n0nce
    1
  1322. Don't look at Hunter Biden selling his paintings to Chinese investors for $millions to fund his cocaine n stripper addictions, just look over there at the distracting story about space-aliens.
    1
  1323.  @rustybuckets07  Is that you, Clem?
    1
  1324. Only five deaths from 16,000 infections. And they're virtually all gay.
    1
  1325.  @stephenhaywood5672  Totally agree. FORMER Tory activist. Now I say f0ok them.
    1
  1326.  @davidmullins8193  DEFINITELY. I want Keef Kuntabout to review the morning papers. An hour later, he can do the same job as Prof. Gideon Micropenis. And so on.
    1
  1327.  @mikepxg6406  Reminds me of Frederick Douglass, the escaped slave who became an abolitionist before and during the American Civil War. He said, "I appear before you today as a thief. I stole my body from my owner". Similar with the BBC. I steal my viewing, but I refuse to pay for it.
    1
  1328. @A lie repeated 100 Times will never be the truth That's how dissent is controlled. Like Ian Hislop, the editor of the anti-establishment "Private Eye" magazine. Give him a long-running TV series and the opportunity to make a few documentaries, and he'll eat out of the BBC's hand for the rest of his life. Offer a contrary view and the BBC will smother and kill your career.
    1
  1329. @The Original Finky,of The House of McFarthing Inc. FUN FACT: King Arthur was a Welshman. Yet he's often described as an English hero. Despite Arthur being a based post-Roman Welsh Brit who fought the English.
    1
  1330.  @CamKeg66  I'm unsure of the exact figures. Saw Neil Hamilton on GB News this morning, claiming six million. Population currently increasing by nearly one million per year, and that's only the LEGAL migrants. Perhaps your figure is for England alone. UK population in the mid-70s was around 56 million.
    1
  1331.  @ycymrobach9012  True. There was indeed a warlord of that era named Arthur, but the romantic tales about him are fiction. Several references to Arthur in ancient texts. The word "Arthur" is actually derived from the Welsh word for "bear", and a warlord known as Bear is known to have fought battles in south west England and into Wales. I've spent half my life searching for castle Anthrax. Despite the peril.
    1
  1332. @Vase of Flowers THANKS! I'd never heard of it. It's on YouTube, I'll go listen.
    1
  1333.  @CamKeg66  I don't dispute your figures, but there are differences between UK population and the English population.
    1
  1334.  @toonarmy8524  All of the statistics are faked, in order to conceal our impending subjugation.
    1
  1335.  @SonsofThunder1234  Funny thing about the word "Celt": The word was used by the Romans to denote ALL of the northern tribes which were outside their empire. Same way as Europeans regarded Africans as "the blacks" without distinguishing between the tribes. I'm happy to accept the definition of "Celt" as Welsh or equivalent, but according to the Roman definition, the Angles and Danes were Celts as well. I'm happy to let bygones be bygones, but I still demand reparations from Italy for their illegal invasion and enslavement of our islands from 50 BC. Druid Lives Matter. Gimme reparashuns n munny n sheet.
    1
  1336. I refuse to fund a corporation which propagandises for my ethnic replacement.
    1
  1337.  @daviddavidk2352  Keef is like Josef Stalin. He came back with a different name.
    1
  1338.  @earlgrey691  I saw bits of that. Dreadful.
    1
  1339.  @nicholasroberts6954  That's the whole point! Airmen shouldn't be prohibited on the grounds of their ethnicity. Plus only a TINY minority of RAF personnel are aircrew (pilots, navigators etc.). The vast majority are airframe fitters, mechanics, RAF Regiment, electricians, radar operators and so on.
    1
  1340. The dragon was murdered by a racist. Green Lives Matter. (BBC any day soon.)
    1
  1341. I want a Harry Hill-type decision. Who's the worst shitweazle in London: Cressida Dick or Sadiq Khan? Only one way to find out... FIGHT!
    1
  1342. Andrew looks a bit like Vincent van Gogh, and there's a van Gogh mounted on the wall behind him. Andrew also resembles Prince Harry. Unlike Harry, Andrew is unlikely to have a butt-plug up his bottom.
    1
  1343.  @tuckasamms  Surely you don't mean that.
    1
  1344.  @Jimmybarth  Agreed. We used to hang traitors. But now being a traitor is official government policy.
    1
  1345.  @dhalsim-1  It was Virginia Gioffre who accused Andy of bonking her. Virginia also claims Stephen Hawking participated in orgies with children. Perhaps Virginia's word is less than wholly reliable.
    1
  1346. Hey Andrew - there's a bloke called Keef Kuntabout who looks just like you.
    1
  1347.  @Gozzillacia  Hey Joe - I've received your reply via my in box, but when I click on it, your comment disappears. There is a phrase somewhere within your comment which YouTube's algorithms define as hate speech. I'm replying to you via your PREVIOUS comment. Also - I agree with every part of both of your comments.
    1
  1348. Twat Valley Police have made no arrests of grooming gangs, but thousands of arrests of far right extremist bigots making unkind comments in text messages.
    1
  1349.  @tonyfairey7733  AGREED but Keef Fluffabout would be better as PM. Instead we'll either get Prof. Gideon Micropenis in a dress, or a brown version of Frof. Micropenis sitting on a £billion of pharma shares.
    1
  1350.  @michaelcornish7916  WELL SPOTTED.
    1
  1351.  @fraserbailey6347  A good correction. And polite too. How very un-YouTube.
    1
  1352. @Colonel Faulkner 50 years from now, the UK will resemble Yugoslavia during the 1990s. And when it happens, the BBC will still be blaming Brexit.
    1
  1353. That means you're a feckin bigot. Monkeys need love too.
    1
  1354. Boris f*cked in Saudi. Did Carrie go with him?
    1
  1355. 1938: The England team was required to perform the Hitler salute in a match in Germany. Find it on YouTube. What happened next?
    1
  1356.  jhõn frąncísz  yehp alzo, i clik on "View 2 replies" ant onlee won is vizible
    1
  1357.  jhõn frąncísz  Knew turminador movee cumming soon: A gay glittery transjendur turminador
    1
  1358. Never forget: The BBC hates you. Hate them back.
    1
  1359. "I'm a Marks and Spencers executive. My pronouns include Twat, Idiot and Leftie".
    1
  1360. @REBEL Did you show her your spunk? I did that in Sainsburys once and got arrested.
    1
  1361. @REBEL Thanks for your good advice. I'll visit Tesco tomorrow.
    1
  1362. IDEA FOR YOUR NEXT BIDEN VIDEO: "Hello I'm..." but Biden can't remember his name. He can't read his teleprompt. Dribbles. Coughs. Says "Err" a lot. Fill up two minutes with essentially nothing. Then, "Nurse! I've done do-dos in my pants again".
    1
  1363. "BBC" is porn-speak for "big black c*cks". Says all you need to know.
    1
  1364. Funny how the ONLY world leader who opposes the WEF is Vladimir Putin. But the WEF has engineered almost the entire world to oppose him.
    1
  1365.  @AbcDef-ww2gy  I object to the woke plots, not the Doctor being a woman. One plot involved a black woman lesbian, in love with another woman. Another concerned Rosa Parks and racism in the USA, pushing a narrative which is alien to the UK, whether the 1960s or since.
    1
  1366. I wonder how soon Diane will claim Putin "did a lot of good", like Mao. Putin has killed 50,000,000 fewer people than Mao so far, which is a good start.
    1
  1367.  @johndean3475  Her Majesty's Government, I wish.
    1
  1368. This is Andrew's best yet.
    1
  1369. Years from now, the truth might be told about the corruption and bribery behind Qatar being awarded the tournament.
    1
  1370.  @salsylexhagen7423  Mrs Purchase is chaste and pure, she'd never shag with another thespian. Ever. (Confused persons should search "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    1
  1371.  @janeyd5280  Yep.
    1
  1372.  @chazsach6594  Just like the Holdomor, the Russian slaughter of 10,000,000 Ukrainians via pre-planned mass starvation during the 1920s and 1930s. The Russians murdered more Ukrainians than Hitler murdered in his concentration camps. But the air was clean.
    1
  1373.  @davehill584  HITLER: "I wish I'd put my Wehrmacht on dinghies and just floated them across".
    1
  1374. I want Keef Fluffabout as our next PM. Freedom warrior, sex pest and closet world leader.
    1
  1375. I fought with the SAS. I fought with the Royal Marines. I fought with the RAF Regiment. I can't walk into a military bar anywhere without getting my arse kicked.
    1
  1376. Teenage cadets were banned from wearing uniform at Bradford's war memorial on Sunday. I left a similar comment elsewhere. Somebody replied that the same happened in Solihull, I don't know if that's correct. The mainstream media has selective blindness as to reporting this stuff, but you already know that.
    1
  1377.  @cloudbasenirvana  Damned right, and that's what we're getting here. You will own nothing and be happy in your servitude.
    1
  1378. Everyone who reads this comment is a far right racist transphobic bigot. You deserve having your free speech removed in order to defend free speech. If you disagree with the BBC's narrative, you're a dangerous proto-terrorist. Remember: It's YOUR BBC. Fund us or else we'll convict you of a criminal offence.
    1
  1379.  @davtan6031  Agreed. I'm replying to yours to show you it's visible. I wonder if mine will arrive.
    1
  1380. Angela Raynor opens her legs. Boris thinks, "Is somebody eating a tuna sandwich?"
    1
  1381. Ian Hislop and Private Eye used to be counter-establishment. The BBC bought him by paying him for HIGNFY and several documentary series. Now Hislop and Private Eye will never make a statement or run a story which is contrary to the BBC's narrative. A very smart move.
    1
  1382. I've seen Mr. Bashir's smears. I did a poo this morning, and glanced at the smears on my toilet paper. It looked exactly like Martin Bashir. Try it yourself. Perhaps Martin Bashir has been tampering with YOUR bottom as well.
    1
  1383. I wouldn't put it past him.
    1
  1384.  @doggymess  WAYCIST!
    1
  1385. Slaphead loves his country. Unlike recent British PMs.
    1
  1386. The Conservative Party should stand down and not contest seats at the general election. They've got zero chance of winning. All they're doing is taking votes from Reform and ensuring a Labour victory.
    1
  1387.  jhõn frąncísz  helo bak.
    1
  1388. Oh come on, it applies to you as well.
    1
  1389.  @stephenroberts8057  Agreed. Some people are sheep in disguise. Sheep can't laugh unless they're instructed to do so.
    1
  1390. You're 100% correct. Fun fact: If Boris was black, writing that exact same comment would be regarded as racist. Same as happened after Darren Southgate made a rotten choice about the penalty-takers.
    1
  1391.  @UKTedd  And YOU are one of my favourite heroes, especially when played by Richard Greene.
    1
  1392.  @davefowler4178  Plumbers spend more time in college than Nigerian surgeons spent in medical school. Given the choice, I'd rather have a plumber take out my appendix than a Nigerian surgeon. A few inches of PTF tape, some silicon around the join, bish bash bosh done.
    1
  1393.  @jhgjhgjhgt  Yes, and I'm amazed Mrs. Purchase's breath always smells of it after she's been visited by Stephen Toast. I don't know how that happens. (Confused persons should search "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    1
  1394. Common purpose.
    1
  1395.  @crabby7668  All true. I'd favour the system used for the Euro elections (YUK IT MAKES ME SICK TO WRITE THAT!) which allowed UKIP to become the dominant UK party in Brussels. The system was used in the UK for several decades. Reform would be returned as the biggest party in Parliament, which is why the Lab-Con alliance will never permit it for Westminster.
    1
  1396.  @crabby7668  Trouble with PR: The system we choose will define the outcome. A different system won't get the same result.
    1
  1397.  @crabby7668  But wee both know the truth: If voting made a difference, they wouldn't let us do it.
    1
  1398. I want to hear more about Gwyneth Paltrow's "Gloop" vagina-scented candles. What a fascinating world of wonder we live in.
    1
  1399. COMING ANY MOMENT NOW: The leftie backlash because Philip was a heterosexual white male.
    1
  1400. WINSTON CHURCHILL: "A politician who complains about the press is like a sailor who complains about the sea". ANGELA RAYNOR: "Yeah well the sea is misogynistic and racist and classist as well".
    1
  1401.  jhőn fráncísz  yay jhon ! mebbe yoo furst, knot mee
    1
  1402.  @deematty46  I suspect jim is referring to the concept, not the track. Or maybe you're making a joke which went whoooosh over my head.
    1
  1403.  @dfar2303  I wish I had a 12 inch. I'd wanna release that as well. Last time I showed my six inch in a public place, I got arrested.
    1
  1404.  @deematty46  Agreed.
    1
  1405. "Fuckstick Metropolitan University". Teaching Oxford University how to be more diverse and relevant.
    1
  1406. "Pandemic of the unvaccinated". Good point. If the vaccines actually worked, un-vaxed people like me should've all died by now. Instead I'm LESS likely to die because I won't get blood clots.
    1
  1407.  @interceptor7905  you earn more.
    1
  1408.  @mre7862  Why target the general public?
    1
  1409.  @nevillebloodybartos  Making the tax man richer? Gotta fund the illegal migrants somehow.
    1
  1410.  @SoupDragon63  Agreed. Politicians "talking shit" are usually talking rubbish. Either that, or he's engaged in unusual sex games with his rent boy and forgotten to clean his teeth.
    1
  1411. Soy?
    1
  1412. Who's this Andrew bloke? I expected Keef, Professor Gideon or the transsexual butterfly.
    1
  1413.  @daviddavies2945  Haha!
    1
  1414. I love your name, Duane.
    1
  1415.  @douglasgibb6943  Not "Cat"?
    1
  1416. The current POTUS resembles my dog. They both sniff children but can't read a teleprompt.
    1
  1417. I want the Government to hire Jezza, Hamster and the Captain to privatise the BBC. They understand broadcasting and have an axe to grind. Split the BBC into its component parts and sell it off, like a broken car in a breaker's yard. There are no better people to put the BBC upside-down, in a ditch and on fire.
    1
  1418.  @brentwestbrook  All preplanned. The democide.
    1
  1419. I've never trusted Jesus since He tried to seduce Lois Griffin.
    1
  1420. Andrew deserves a TV series. But he'll never get one. Because he doesn't promote the killing of white people. Or throwing acid into a politician's face.
    1
  1421. We're not seeing a push for communism. This thing we're facing is darker. Nameless. Formless.
    1
  1422. Keef Cuntabout should stand for Parliament.
    1
  1423. Perhaps we can train bully-dogs to wear snorkels and flippers and send them to deal with the foogees.
    1
  1424.  @alemgas  Nigel.
    1
  1425. ANDREW IF YOU'RE READING THIS - Please attend the forthcoming anti-covid event in London on 18th December. Bring a soapbox and a megaphone. Do a turn as Dr. Gideon. Then invite a copper from Twat valley to tell everyone to go home. Perhaps the copper can invite Prince Harry to tell the crowd what his wife says. Followed by an ex-SAS wanker or even Keef Kuntabout. You'll have the biggest audience of your entire career.
    1
  1426.  @WillyEckaslike  I heard your comment in the voice of Mort from Quahog.
    1
  1427.  @WillyEckaslike  I don't understand any part of your reply.
    1
  1428. Diane is just disappointed because nobody has assaulted HER.
    1
  1429. Keir Starmer is a nonentity. If Starmer entered a room, stark bollock naked with a red balloon tied to his genitals, nobody would notice him. And if Starmer left the room, nobody would notice he'd gone.
    1
  1430. Yes but Keef's is just as good.
    1
  1431.  @richlee509  Nah, that'd be waycist. Also, is there ANYONE in the cabinet who actually wants to stop the invasion?
    1
  1432.  @gabriellamendimi9906  Unfair. I'm actually coloured myself. My skin is pink. My lips are red. My eyes are blue. My teeth are yellow. Funny how brown people are described as coloured.
    1
  1433. Brian Shithouse went on 20 suicide missions and survived them all.
    1
  1434. Is your name a Gene Hackman reference?
    1
  1435.  @nobody-x7g  Please don't use your REAL name here!
    1
  1436. Andrew if you're reading this - IDEA FOR A FUTURE VIDEO - European states, by compelling their citizens to accept vaccinations, are breaking international agreements including the Nuremberg Code and the Declaration of Helsinki. Perhaps make a video where you're wearing striped pyjamas, to signify you've had your jab. It's all about hygiene so take a shower. Vaccinations set you free. The Nuremberg trials were a warning to future generations, not a template for imitation.
    1
  1437. Don't get anal about this.
    1
  1438. Dunno whether the stuff about UFOs is: 1.) A nonsense-story, to distract us or - 2.) Another means of frightening us into compliance. (EDIT - Can you see this? I'm often shadow-banned.)
    1
  1439.  @greatestytcommentator  ...and five feet.
    1
  1440.  @jimmycampbell78  Angela Rayner opens her legs. A muffled voice says, "Wanna see a lying twat? Look at me!" Everybody's mystified because nobody's lips moved. Angela Rayner closes her legs and her lying twat grins to itself.
    1
  1441. The BBC should give Andrew a series! - Oh wait...
    1
  1442.  @magnus9701  I don't want to buy food from a shop where somebody's probably pooed in my sausage roll.
    1
  1443.  @annother3350  He can only access that for a few more days. We need a platform for free speech which'll last for decades.
    1
  1444. Scaremongering by telling us because we're on the brink of WW3 and we must increase defence spending. I'm doubly scared because all the new soldiers will be mews limbs, and women wearing hi-vis yellow vests instead of camo.
    1
  1445.  @J.J-x5e  All true, but I'd still vote for Keef Fluffabout. But not for Gideon Micropenis.
    1
  1446. Andrew expresses the views which you and I hold but are too lazy or untalented to express. Andrew is the member of Parliament we need but will never get.
    1
  1447. Keef earns more as a scaffolder than people with degrees in sociology or race-baiting c*nt-waffle..
    1
  1448.  @Johnny-sj9sj  THANKYOU KIND SIR, I didn't know that! I will watch again with great interest! I don't recall doing it myself. Perhaps it was my albino brother, Bill Purchase. (Persons who don't understand our nattering should search, "Ray bloody Purchase".)
    1
  1449. Writing your comment is now a H-crime. See how we use cre4t1ve spelling to dodge the Al Gore Rhythms? Yeah, free speech providing we say nothing outside the intended narrative.
    1
  1450. The 1970s weren't fun, but we could imagine light at the end of the tunnel.
    1
  1451. More black-on-black crime. The only surprise is that it's being reported.
    1
  1452.  @1Bruce93Wayne9  Holy metal blades, Batman!
    1
  1453. Globalist puppets. Who's pulling their strings? Who's got their hand up their arses?
    1
  1454. FIRST 'cos I've got white privilege and systemic racism works in my favour. The BBC told me so.
    1
  1455. You can always pick out the vegan in a crowd. He/she is the one who looks sickly and pale.
    1
  1456. Johnnie Smugface is yet another prick to be refused.
    1
  1457.  @splaffyduck5787  No, but rereading the comment, I'm reminded of the movie "Hannibal". There's a scene where Hannibal asks Mason Verger to smile like he did whilst sexually abusing children. Then Hannibal gives Verger an intoxicant, and encourages Verger to slice his own face off. Which seems fair.
    1
  1458. Most Conservatives aren't conservative. Most cabinet members are barely British.
    1
  1459.  @zachjones6944  Nuthin wrong with that. I dislike tattoos. They evoke a reaction in me that the tattooed person is a petty criminal. A former neighbour of mine was an ex-submariner, who spent decades in the RN. Tattoos right up both arms. A great bloke. It's the context. Visiting brothels, tattoo parlours and drag shows in Singapore or Hong Kong is what being a sailor is all about.
    1
  1460.  @markb3915  Hypocrisy. Go woke and kill people. The laws of physics are unforgiving.
    1
  1461.  @seanknapton7449  Nah, I want Lord Ortega to wear a condom.
    1
  1462. COMING SOON: The UK being rebranded as the Caliphate of Britainistan. Sultan Charles I as its ruler.
    1
  1463. Russell Brand groped my hamster.
    1
  1464.  @garywilliams1194  I was trying and failing to get laid.
    1
  1465. Funny how the faded pop star Boy George is repeatedly paid to appear on the BBC and his records are frequently played. Yet Boy George was imprisoned a few years ago for a violent sex crime. The BBC looks after their own kind.
    1
  1466.  @platonkarataev550  Requires further input from Prof. Gideon Micropenis. Plus Johnny Smugface, the non-binary unicorn and transracial butterfly. The coppers, Johnny and the professor can give each other back-rubs before relaxing in a sauna together.
    1
  1467. Andrew is banned because he's too funny. And too truthful. Let's crucify the jester.
    1
  1468.  @maryaldeburgh1350  Sad to see how many replies are disappearing.
    1
  1469. Here's a good idea. We've got lots of illegal Islamic migrants. Let's hire them as HGV drivers. Let's have loads of Islamic drivers, controlling heavy goods vehicles and petrol tankers. Prohibiting them from gaining HGV licences because of their ethnicity or beliefs is RACIST. WHAT . COULD . POSSIBLY . GO . WRONG ?
    1
  1470. I suspect alcohol kills the covid. There's as much evidence for that, as there is for masks working. Prove me wrong.
    1
  1471.  @andrewlock9250  Yeah but being vegans, they're all very weak and easy to kill. Yet they still taste like pork.
    1
  1472.  @keithwhittygmail  Good comparison.
    1
  1473.  @keithwhittygmail  Agreed.
    1
  1474.  @sylviadrummond7293  Confused.
    1
  1475. Who would've thought a socialist Pakistani mayor could run London into the ground. Almost as bad as the Indian prime minister is doing for the UK.
    1
  1476. Too busy going down on their knees before the BLM (burn loot murder) and the BBC (big black cocks).
    1