Comments by "Lil Weasel ♡" (@lil_weasel219) on "ContraPoints"
channel.
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The "Jealousy" vs "envy" that you describe are actually called "benign envy" and "malicious envy" in academic literature.
Otherwise, envy and jealously are used differently seemingly by area, and have been used differently depending on the time period.
EDIT; And as an additional note, I'd say there's a third type too. I was emotionally abused as a child and teen, And when I see other people being affectionate and happy with their families, I experience extreme pain. That doesn't mean I want them to lose their families or anything, But it does cause me a lot of pain and yet there is no potential for resolution (improvement). This gives rise to despair, especially if you fail to create a new family in friends, like i failed to.
One might name this a different term than envy, but really theres no sense in that, because the only thing that differs compared to benign envy is the potential for resolution.
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The scene where tiffany is crying made me cry the first time.
Then after that, the music and all made it have a kind of tragicomical feel to it. Now its back to very sad, and HIGHLY relatable (despite me not being a trans-person). The self loathing and so on something I too struggle with immensely. Im a 22 yo cis femme lesbian, who is likely also mildly autistic.
I too regularly have thoughts like "I'm gonna save up to have work done and then everything is gonna be fine", and "who could ever love this". At this point not only every day, but every hour, and often, minute. The things that define me in my head are Im socially inept, im cringe and im potato face. Idk thats just how it be. I have an extremely attractive body but I'm too insecure to show it because of the contrast with my face, as I see it.
I was bullied a lot as a kid and teen, for various reasons (one of them was a gender nonconforming phase at 10-12, where I was called Male all the time) and it scarred me for life. I stare at the ground when walking down the street, and cant look people in the eyes because of it.
I also relate a lot to your feeling of having failed at womanhood (And in my case, additionally, at adulthood too)
this will likely only serve as an algorithm boost for you, as no one is gonna see this to begin with, but hey, given that i wrote it already, I might as well just post it.
EDIT; the suspected mild ASD has been confirned. A few months after this was posted i finally found the only centre in my country that evaluates adults, and i am now diagnosed.
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The slur aside, this convo is atp universally mis-framed. Human attraction isnt about gender identity (i.e. attraction to women/men/nb people),it's as you have said so yourself at one point "attraction to someone's perceptible features".
You cannot perceive someone's gender identity obv
(non platonic) Attraction thus concerns sex characteristics, fashion/style, and then additionally personality/cognitive features, and has nothing inherently to do with gender identity.
And i mean, consider this. Ima fem4fem lesbian , and just because im into both many women and many feminine enbies (that i cannot visually tell apart) that doesnt make me Bisexual lol.
For this reason, a definition of lesbian such as "women who like women" is nonsense.
Needless to say, the new "non-men loving non-men" definition is a total nightmare.
A couple of masculine cis man-passing AFAB enbies are lesbians? and a cis man looking enby + a gay cis woman are a lesbian relationship? sorry, no, thats just not useful at all, only bisexual women will be attracted to such individuals, not lesbians. And it makes it real easy for men on dating apps to hijack...
Thanks for reading.
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@QueenAngelCakes Ignoring sex characteristics is not going to work either, if thats what you mean, as the vast majority of people's sexual and romantic orientaion rely not just on gender expression, but also, and even more strongly in fact, on sex characteristics.
You have so many lesbians who are specifically isnto a combo of female sex characteristics and masculine presentation (butches), but not into masculine presenting male looking people, or feminine presenting female looking people. Both the female sex (passing), and masculine expression must be present for attraction to have a potential of arising.
In my own case Im not going into someone with a visibly non-female sex characteristics profile regardless of their gender expression, and regardless of how much i support trans rights and want the best for this group of people,.Both female sex (passing) and femme / femme-ish androgyny in expression have to be present, because thats simply what my orientation is, thats what sets attraction of and it has that way since toddlerhood.
And, really, if you think about it, though this is a crude natural reality, gender expression can only ever even achieve its desired effect at all in the context of an approproiate anatomical base. E.g. a buff ripped anatomically masculine biologically male person can wear the most feminine intented clothes and makeup, but that will not achieve the intended effect on their anatomy. This is one of the fundamental reasons transfeminine people transition, they want to like their own anatomy, and their want their partner to see them a certain way/to be attracted to them in the right way (e.g. to bee attracted to them as female passing, as a feminine woman, as opposed to as an androgynous/effeminate twink, to use the example of Contra herself).
Thus we reach the conclusion, that much like gender presentation, anatomy is an integral aspect of attraction. Anatomy (feminine-androgynous-masculine) and gender expression (feminine-androgynous-masculine) are BOTH integral parts of basic attraction, while gender identity is not directly involved. Thus a useful orientation descriptor takes the former two into account but not the latter.
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@___.51 I assure you, the other stressors in my childhood, even without financial ones were enough to cause me severe c-PTSD and completely destroy me as a person. I was also bullied for having been raised in a been middle class household, even though i didnt have more freedom than the lower class kids.
I was denied medical care despite my parents having had the money to afford it, i now have brain damage from
untreated epilepsy.
So certainly, i associate the middle class still with a combination of a lack of freedom and lack of community and social acceptance because i was seen as "the rich". AND indeed, i was socially rejected exactly because the other lids were envious of an imagined middle class ideal that i didnt actually fulfill (i was in worse circumstances than any of them).
Because of what happened im likely going to be lower class in the future.
Ofc, my experience is very specific, the imprinting and associations to trauma and social rejection are very strong, and its dnvy that motivated other kids to hate me, but i think there is too much generalisation in this video, and reduction of a complex set of motivators by only mentioning and covering one of them, which once a viewer has soe biases can work to boost them.
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