Comments by "Kimberly C" (@kimberlyc84) on "Confessions from a part time senior nomad recovering from?" video.
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As my best friend pointed out, we are ALL on the spectrum to some extent.
From savants to Asperger's to ASD I, II & III, Even OCD (in my opinion) is a form of an exceptionality.
I've learned so much about myself in interacting with our Special needs students over the past 20 yrs at my school.
My first year, I met sweet Kayla L. She had Asperger's. She had to bring two backpacks to school. One w her supplies, the other with her dolls...all of them. There were melt downs if things weren't just so. But she received assistance (affective social skills, reasoning, etc.) She graduated high school and is an EMT now,🥰
Next year I met Lena S. She played piano without music or lessons. She was 4 and completely non verbal, but had a smile that lit up the room. She 'found' her voice in third grade. The day the speech pathologist called her mom during lunch we were in tears! She had communicated using sign language. She had a voice, just chose to not use the verbal form. She also had Down's Syndrome.
Then there was J.R. he was wheelchair bound and had some cognitive issues and motor issues, but he had the most hilarious sense of humor. He was categorized as SLD (Specific Learning Disability. I find it ironic that specific learning disability is not specifically specific🙄
If there was a sub, he loved locking the wheels to his chair during bus dismissal so half the time they'd wind up slamming into the back of him. He found this utterly hilarious. (Picture your 12 yr old hitting the back of your heels w the grocery cart, only reverse 🤣😵💫)
Everyone has something to contribute. We just have to be open to receiving it.
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I agree! I've been told by people I no longer affiliate with that my "perfectionism" is what ruined the relationship.
But I never considered basic responsibilities (paying for lights, gas, water on time) as being 'perfectionistic.'
I was seen as "not living life." (Kinda hard to live life w creditors garnishing checks in my opinion.)
I find that I shouldn't have to subject my stewardship and desire to prioritize obligations to another's desire to handle things haphazardly.
That distinction between high standards, pursuit of quality, and ambition from perfectionism is very much needed.
My standards of requiring to know how someone I may desire to pursue a relationship with treats others is a high standard (to me) (Do they belittle or condescend others just because they don't know a lot about something? Money doesn't give anyone the right to down another.)
Re: Pursuit of quality. My daughter was teased and laughed at for choosing the local 4-year college that she graduated from Magna Cum Laude on scholarships when she could have chosen from among 20 big-named ones.
I always told her there are plenty of geniuses who graduated from ABC around the corner college and plenty of imbeciles who graduated from Oxford and Harvard!
She chose quality (a college where she was just far away enough to be independent, taught her what she needed, and is one of the most culturally diverse in the country with over 70 nations represented. Yet, she was still close enough to have her support base. She chose this over what others saw for her. She signed on as a marketing logistics mgr w an international company, closed on her home on acreage last month & will be 24 in June. No student loan debt.
Yes, she's making some mistakes, but she's such a thoughtful, aware, kind soul, I couldn't ask for a better life for her.
Re: Ambition for perfectionism will kill a dream every time. I have to drill into myself daily that I'm progressing not perfecting.
I'd rather do a task with excellence (that is to the best of my ability, cleanly, and properly) than to keep starting over just because step D wasn't perfect (now, if it's open heart surgery or something, that's different).
My job entails scheduling about 800 students per year (it's a small school) for the next year. BUT that means complying with Fed, state, & county guidelines for funding. I can't just schedule an autistic student in w any class. The teacher has to have specific certifications, then all the courses have to be approved by the County,state & Fed govt. Then there's speech, cognitive subjects, social skills in addition to core classes and specials (health, music, STEM, foreign language, PE, art).
Then there's ESOL classes if they are non English speakers to get the resources to assist w their native language as well as English.
When I first accepted the position, I would cry incessantly because I was so afraid of not getting the schedules perfect. So I wouldn't do ANYTHING! But I wouldn't reach out to my mentor, I wouldn't reach out to other Student Data mgt clerks, I couldn't MOVE! I was so terrified of making a mistake, I wouldn't schedule ANY students! Then, when my error report would come, I'd have 800 errors!!🥺😬
But I had to reel myself in and think of how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I FINALLY convinced myself to at least schedule 100 students a day and see what my error report looks like the next day. A lot of times, the errors were just because I had not scheduled them with ANY teachers!
The error report would tell me what courses I might be missing, it would tell me if I missed an ELL segment, it would tell me if the teacher I had scheduled the student with was not certified in a specific area. Then I could look down on my list, in all these notes that I had taken, and I could find a specific teacher, that I may not have pulled on to our school list & follow the steps to move the student.
Within two weeks, I was down to less than 50 errors a day! I created a formula to follow and prioritize and I was no longer running out of Kleenex daily🤣
This is my 3rd year.. I still get flubbed up and frustrated at times. But as long as I've gotten those students partnered where they need to be to get the resources they need, I'm okay. I literally get an error report daily, but that's where I can go to an admin and say, "hey, this student is supposed to get extra this & that, but s/he's not scheduled, who do we get to approve it?"
Excellence (consistency, double checking, and REACHING OUT FOR HELP) over perfection (if it's not exact and precise the first time, I'm not doing it ever again) wins the day!
And being kind to oneself is a game changer as well ☺️
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1. Woop woop for Discount Tire!! (Not to be confused with Tire Discounters).
They were recommended to me by a mechanic friend when I made my Exodus and I was all of a sudden thrust into taking care of my own cars.
They haven't done me wrong yet! Affordable, free rotations, free tire repair, price match, quick service! I'm in Lawrenceville, GA.
2. Anyway, I'm a recovering food addict. I've never been close to the 600lb lifers, but I've had to (and still do) come to grips with the fact that I will NEVER EVER EVER be a size 2 or 4 again. But that's okay! I've gone from a not so healthy 16 to a very healthy 12. After 3 beautiful now adult children, I think I'm doing pretty darned good!
I've replaced the high salt high fat high sugar choices with more fruits, more raw veggy & making my own treats with healthier contents (minus the tofu, thank you 🤣)
I still have a Hershey square or two, but I'm no longer a whole bar in one sitting typ-a chick!
I've also come to terms with the fact that just because a new Dr. wants to shove me full of pills, doesn't make it right for me.
I have the choice (and I did) to find one who will LISTEN and understand then monitor my choice to add more water, exercise, and improve my eating rather than swipe a script and wish me well.
I'm seeing the changes for the better.
I think that's an issue with many of us. We want things to be perfect NOW, when, in essence, perfection is imperfect at its best.
We all need to be kinder to ourselves!
Even the turtle made it to the ark eventually. One step at a time.
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You make me think of myself when I was interested in joining our church youth choir.
But it was a bit different. It's not specific to one congregation and it's completely a capella (no musical instrument accompaniment)
The group is called the Easternnaires (I think someone added "Electrifying" to the title years ago 🤷♀️ (a lot of their performances are on YouTube ☺️).
The group is still around for over 50 yrs now. It's made up of young people who are members of the Churches of Christ from NY, NJ, CT, & Pennsylvania.& (I think MD). It was started by a beautiful soul named Dorothy Wells from the Harlem congregation. She passed away a few years ago but the group is still going strong. She was in her '90s.
Anyway, our home congregation was hosting the rehearsal one school break. The rehearsals were really the fun part! Traveling from NY to NJ or PA was a big ta do! We'd all have our little brown bags & be @ the little building @ the break of dawn to take the "Blue goose" (our church minivan) to the 2-hr trip to NJ or CT. (Basically , anywhere other than home was exciting!) There, we'd meet up with the other 150+ young adults & teens we'd met over the years.
The group totalled over 300, but there were now grown members who had coordinated via phone & snailmaill to coordinate what songs to rehearse. Then there were about two BIGBIG things where we'd perform. One would be at a youth lectureship that we saved up for throughout the year. It was usually on a college campus (I still remember staying at Yale at 15!! In a dorm!)
The other event was usually a contest of some sort. We came in 2nd one year for a McDonald's Youth Gospel choir recording contest!
Then throughout the year, we'd meet up for local youth weekend events (I met my husband at a Winter Weekend hosted by his congregation. It was checkin on Friday at a host home, workshop & theme breakouts on Saturday, then roller skating that night & after Sunday service & dinner (usually spaghetti because it could feed 300+ young folk & parents) 😊, then we'd put on a concert that afternoon (about 3 songs) & head home. Best times Ever!
There were friends I'd met from Maryland, former members & spouses whose children were now members from CT, just so much support and help and encouragement throughout the years.
Oh! I almost forgot what my original response to you was!🤦♀️
Although I'd been in school chorus since I was 5, it was in the Easternnaires singing group, when I was a new member at 13, that a 'seasoned' member who was all of 16 took me to the side and did a warm up w me. I was so used to straining my voice to hit those high notes. But it was this young lady (I still remember her name: Donna Lisa) who taught me what to do and I discovered I was nowhere near the soprano I was led to believe! I was a true tenor to baritone! My school chorus teacher had always said "true ladies all sound like parakeets" Ha! What crock! I'd grown up on everyone from Mahalia Jackson to Minnie Ripperton & everyone in between, male & female, country, Latin, rock, jazz, reggae, you name it). There was no comparison to either lady. But if I'd only known then what I discovered at 13! No more straining my voice! No more being singled out because I'd slip two octaves down!
It wasn't perfect for her, but it was 'perfect' (and natural) for me!
40+ yrs later, I've loved seeing my daughter earn solos in "The Sound of Music" "Little Shop of Horrors" & honor chorus productions, hitting those notes I'd once dreamed about. And then, as I head out some weekends to pass out food boxes, the more "seasoned' members of our congregation put on a little impromptu songfest on sight with tenors holding the melody for the altos & sopranos to carry the harmony and (usually) our one or two bass to glue it all together.
See! Your story was PERFECT for me! ~Thank you for bringing back such wonderful memories for me!☺️🥰
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