Comments by "Kasumi Rina" (@KasumiRINA) on "The Onion" channel.

  1.  @Unstable316  Even if accidentally, it just adds a layer to joke.
    428
  2. "Hey feeemale do you know that Bitcoin is the future?" shudders, I almost left MY home city after hearing one of those.
    132
  3.  @hello-gm2dy  I think that's the joke, he doesn't know there's been a new candidate (or two) since.
    67
  4. YOUNG MAN!!! there's no need to feel down
    63
  5. Nah, I am from Ukraine and one of major reasons to vote is electing a new government that actually closes some money holes tho usually the holes lobby restores themselves via courts. It's very relatable for all Eastern Europe.
    53
  6. As long as they don't deploy Ben Shapiro, as migrants on the border are thirsty, and his uncanny ability to make every woman dry will lead to fatalities from dehydration.
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  7.  @-.TS.-  static is best because she just GIVES UP no trying to get the remote working.
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  8. Yes, they FINALLY after so many years, returned to actual fake news skits in studio, which is what I am subscribed for... Not tongue in cheek parodies of AI videos with game footage on the side.
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  9. ​ @WhatIsMyPorpoise  not enough. Needs a whole cleaning crew to fix the mess afterwards.
    39
  10. They should stop getting Starbucks candy, and go work in mines, like our grandparents did as children!
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  11. Hello? Hitler invaded them in 1938 then they lost a war to Emus...
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  12.  @cam4636  yup, in France, a migrant is considered native when they start burning down Paris in giant protests, in USA it's all about obsession with anime.
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  13. The funniest thing was the end, she looks nothing like a Karen, and when they reveal she's a Veronica, I burst out laughing! xD
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  14. There's a plug, like in your bathroom.
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  15. I am from the future, two news, first thing is literally like Onion news: president actually wants to use military to take congress after losing elections. The second part though, you won't believe it. It's too stupid, ridiculous and unrealistic to be true: the president is Donald tRump. Some idiots actually voted for him. I know, you, person from 6 years ago, will never trust such idiocy. Cannot help it! I bet future historians won't even believe 2020 ever existed.
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  16. My fav was the TV where she just gives up and watches static... I am not old but that one is relatable as they still haven't figured out how to make good remotes. Reminds me of mum trying to use is the other way around (red pip pointing at her) or trying to figure out what went wrong with her mousepad when she needed to change batteries for wireless mouse. I also left fridge open like that in my 20s.
    19
  17. "ALIENS!" also MTV and their escape from music bias
    17
  18. Yee but they correctly predicted Biden... not with the supernova tho.
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  19. Because it's well-written comedy with good delivery and timing?
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  20. There's literally nothing wrong, bad, or questionable about Kamala Harris. Or Tim Walz. They're just... Normal. Biden vs Trump was horrible, Clinton even worse. Harris is just like... a sane person.
    16
  21. russians, muscow tried to overthrow Montenegro government like a year ago or so. It was a spectacle when Kremlin collaborators WERE PHYSICALLY DRAGGED AWAY FROM PARLIAMENT, and put on the floot... twas a sight to behold! xD Hopefully US does the same with tRump's cabinet.
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  22. Founding fathers: YOU HAD SLAVE AS A PRESIDENT?! WOMEN CAN VOTE?..
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  23. Yes, it's basically a phobia list, my fav were "Black Sushi Chef" and "Overweight Man that Can Swim" both for Dave the Diver... Get outta here with your fear of "Killer Clowns", there's much scarier things like "Historically Inaccurate Norse Gods" and "Elves with Dark Skin".
    11
  24. 0:31 Wait thats Netanyahu. Truly nothing changed.
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  25. 0:20 YES, BIDEN WINS!
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  26.  @malekzalfana9940  the fact that they degrade women, objectify and expliot them for profit? I'd rather pose for Private than for PETA!
    8
  27. Electrified ⚡ enlightened 💡electrocuted 🔌
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  28. This aged so well with COVID and people claiming victims died of something else)))
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  29. I mean the current conservative hero is also Kyle, they just somehow outdone the Onion and they worship him for shooting up people on the street to prove rights to murder people you disagree with or something.
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  30. Borat woke up for 2020 the Onion for 2024, will Mel Brooks be somehow still alive in 4 years?
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  31. It's a horrible system but the worst thing is it turns voters apathetic. Did you know that before 2020 not a single candidate for decades had more votes than eligible voters who didn't vote? Turnout is horrible BECAUSE people think they won't matter, while, say, Texas was missing 20 thousand votes to get flipped. That's TINY, so go out of and vote even if you're in a non-swing "safe" state.
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  32. Hey, as a Ukrainian I was told these thoughts and prayers were meant for our air defences in place of missiles that were all sold to Kremlin at cost?
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  33.  @sovietunion7643  I'm in Ukraine and between 2016-2022 OUR WAR WITH RU$$ІА had less yearly casualties than US schools. You should be embarrassed when your schools could be compared with a town in Donbas after 2014, and unfavorably so.
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  34. 0:34 Temporary blind Joe Biden addresses dangers of staring into Solar Eclipses... NOW THAT AGED LIKE MILK! tRump stared into eclipse and Biden is now your president lmaoooooooo
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  35. This video is lile 150 years old and basically ALL the judges are still there, even tho one of them is dead. Thw only argument pro death penalty is applying it to US Supreme Court every 4 years to have free and fair judge elections and power rotation.
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  36.  @captaincancer7786  it goes WAY back before medieval times, humorism is ancient Greek theory.
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  37.  @wclifton968gameplaystutorials  the orange commie in Chief asked communist party of China to meddle in US elections and still lost despite KGB colonel putin using all of his communistic connections to put a Kremlin-backed candidate on second term.
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  38. YES YOU CAN! The only one who can stop a mass shooting on the moon is another mass shooter on the moon!
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  39. Yes and talking about "feminine side" lmao.
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  40.  @JSG4361  grandma used to put bread into freezer. Grampa laughed at her for it.
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  41. When you said "the elite" I almost fell for a genuine conspiracy theorist being serious in Onion comments... thankfully, the density lecture straightened me up, now am woke at reptilians wanting to increase the Earth mass to score some black holes.
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  42. I dunno about Trap Love, but Trap Shrine and Trap Legend are Steam games already))) And yes they are boys.
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  43. Oh I have multiple pans but mostly for cases of "this one is dirty, chicken goes into a clean one today!"
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  44. And in the wild, many animals live 2-3 years while can live over a decade in captivity, they seriously believe my 13 year old cat pampered like a princess with tons of pillows to sleep on and endless free food would been better off being choked by street dogs 10 years earlier... They literally took a little girl's puppy away and killed it. Traumatizing the girl, obviously, and claiming they have a high horse. PETA are fascists!
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  45. It's still valid! It's THE one war where both sides are actually nuts yet tons of innocents are on either so unless you got a personal stake in the conflict, you shouldn't waste energy in screaming about Z-O-G like sieg heiling Palestine supporters or helping the IDF pinpoint next hospital to blow up. Instead, donate to Ukraine. We're actually good guys. Thanks!
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  46. My pet peeve is CLEANING. Gordon Ramsay shows a "5 minute" recipe that needs a whole pro clearing crew, firemen, and a ceiling painter, to fix the kitchen after him for hours. Even his daughter made fun of it.
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  47. Jill Stein, the "flush down the drain candidate" of this, last, and the one before elections! Vote for Jill Stein and her dinners with Flynn and Putin if your toilet is clogged up and you want an equivalent.
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  48.  @gui18bif  I cheaped out and got a 720p phone for cheap, it runs all games smoothly, but cashed out and got my mum a full 1080p for around 140$, AND it has a decent camera.
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  49. This is just bait, posted by "just asking questions" guy on 4ch of all places.
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  50. 4:52 This accurately describes Israel's IRL performance, destroying all Arabic armies in 2 to 6 days with scrapyard weapons.
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  51. You literally could in Ukraine, he ran for Odesa municipal council and got a seat... Chewbacca and Vader lost the mayoral elections though. (None of that is a joke, look it up).
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  52. Oof shots fired!
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  53. That whole situation is so hilarious for us in East Europe: Americans are fighting for using their COLONIZER'S LANGUAGE and it alone. While we are fighting to reduce our colonizers language to zero. Still doesn't beat the fact that Yanks love Imperial system of measurements despite literally being a product of fighting against said British empire)))
    3
  54. Was this written before or after the alt right protest against a Wolfenstein game being a "left wing power fantasy" about actually defeating Hitler in World War 2.
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  55. Hello. I am Ukrainian. Boo!
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  56.  @grimmseti  Literally no. Every vote countries in non-communist countries but I guess not in USA where politburo decides over will of the people.
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  57. It's easy with Batman and Terminator, as in, both franchises only made two movies by one director each AND NO MOVIES WERE EVER DONE SINCE DON'T EVEN TRY MENTIONING OTHERWISE!!1!!!!!!! Seriously, not the bat-nipples or the Christian Bale after gokkun party voice. No, that was just a bad dream with poor CG Arnold...
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  58. I always found it funny how Americans insist on ENGLISH language. Like guise, let me tell you what country it comes from...
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  59. And all phones inside the store will automatically start filming them. 911 calls will be redirected to fire department instead of police.
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  60. The irony is that Jesus was sentenced to death by Pilates then finished off being stabbed by a Roman soldier, i.e. one of very few white Europeans in ancient Israel.
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  61. This time, by pure accident, popular vote managed to coincide with the billionare politburo, or as you call it, electoral college. We had that system in USSR, it's a communist thing. We dropped it now and have democracy. Can't explain to Americans what it is, really... but see, in Europe, people actually decide who's the president – not that it matters are 73% of idiots here elected a clown who still is our president. Fuck.
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  62. Onion is mistaken. It's been long known the current minority that's responsible for everything that's wrong is ~~THEM~~
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  63. People outside of USA knew about the slavery and segregation there, but were mostly completely unaware of systematic racism that exists now in criminal system before this year, yeah.
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  64. I am not a graphic designer but I will take your words in support as an IBTC member.
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  65. This is from years ago when everyone used mobile data, duh.
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  66. Relevant to J.D. Vance
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  67. ​ @Z_MIB  that was the joke.
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  68. No, I am the law!
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  69. As a Ukrainian girl who wouldn't even cross Mexico-US border (Alberta is more our thing), I highly warn against deploying Ben Shapiro at the border: hydration is a serious issue and you don't want a lot of dried-up female mummies dying at the border from denyhdration from this overgrown chipmunk's complete and utter inability to make a woman wet.
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  70.  @pindol69  there's a huge risk of government declaring people they don't like "unfit for voting", so yeah, it probably will only do harm.
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  71. Best part is that I don't have to remember new American politicians because literally everyone they mentioned when this video was made and I was a kid is still in power! USA isn't so much different from USSR, the congress looks like Soviet Politburo at this point, at least the Joe Brezhnev had the self-awareness to retire... not Trumpov tho.
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  72. Listen, people are willing to do a lot of things to get rich: work hard, steal harder, even murder!.. but one thing I draw the line is, and I think everyone agrees, is golfing... I wouldn't be caught with a golf club even dead!!! It's so uncool and lame it made Samuel L. Jackson look like... a politician. So if being rich requires you to dress like a moron and drive those tiny carts invasion army uses in the East, get outta here!
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  73. There was a Soviet satirical movie where every employee walks down the company stairs saying "but I'm just one man what could I have done?", aloud. And they keep coming. I don't remember the context but the scene was very surreal.
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  74.  @Sam-lr9oi  Federalism sounds like a disease. I can't imagine if Odesa had separate laws from Dnipro or Kyiv. It would have been madness!
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  75. When you wrote that everyone was saying "crypto", "neuro" and "coin", now the buzzwords are "AGI", "LLM" and "ML", acronyms are the totally awesome rad swag for the fellow zoomers!
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  76. oh another Easter egg!
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  77. He's Greek tho
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  78.  @whentheyD  it's strange how US system works, it's so convoluted and this "states rights" nonsense I can't imagine every oblast' having their own laws, this is why in Europe we have elections last ONE DAY and that's it. You AUTOMATICALLY get registered, show your ID you AUTOMATICALLY got when you're about 16, go to the booth, vote, and go home. I voted thrice against Zelenskyy in 2019 and there were no lines or issues or long delays on everything, next morning came the facepalms and two years of him trying to make peace with enemy that we tried to tell him won't work.
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  79. I learned nouns from picture books as a kid then first grade grammar. Polished it with song lyrics and videogames... Then I watched Kubrick films without subs. Was pain.
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  80. Actually making pizza from scratch looks very similar down to a pre-made sauce, a dozen bowls for ingredients (chopped olives, cheese, tomatoes, pepperoni or other topping), a few baking sheets (because I am NOT doing that much work for ONE pizza) and everything covered with flour and grated cheese pieces.
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  81. Apparently they're the ones voting now.
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  82. This is a really good representation of intelligence level of someone who "isn't into politics".
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  83. The best part he doesn't even make a pause after she finishes the question lmao xD legit crying! :DDDDDDDDDDD
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  84. THey BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!1!!1
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  85. Yes we have a saying, "if you're not interested in politics, politics is still interested in you". EVERY russian asked always says they're "not into politics". That's how you get putin.
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  86. This aged horribly, the current Kennedy candidate has brain worms!
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  87. Not on black ones in USA.
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  88. ​ @josephsolis6109  you know it's satire on 1960s America, right? It was a thing in the past. Some humans weren't allowed into sections of the bus reserved for "master race".
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  89. Umm... I AM FROM THE FUTURE. Guys vote blue this time.
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  90. Boi I think they had story that Bezos would block WaPo from publishing endorsement leaked to them so quickly used this.
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  91. With Mugabe dying, US has to be the only country keeping the Communist Party of Soviet Union tradition of keeping same people in power for 90+ years! Last bastion of true geriatric communism, the US of A and it's Politburo of 300 year old turtles like McConnel and I-switch-platforms-every-other-year Graham.
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  92. Funny tho is he the guy who marched with BLM and was one of like three republicans who didn't suggest giving more blowjobs to putin? So dude is switching views more often than a man named Lindsey.
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  93. Sane people absolutely DO say voting blue is the only thing that can save the country, you literally have comment below saying it's gonna be the last election if trump wins, and numerous YouTubers said it's the most important one in our lifetime, and they're right, though what also matters is what happens after - next attempt at coup would be better prepared. So to actually make sure this isn't the last election USA sees, Kamala Harris needs to: 1: Win by more than 4 million votes, as in the rigged American system, democrats have a handicap and need to win by literally 8 million votes or more for some reason. 2: Actually prevent a rebellion by already prepared militants who are saying the election is stolen even before the votes were cast. Kremlin-backed Putschists. 3: Survive the gallows they would bring a few months in, as in, not physically get hanged, as this is GOP's official policy for previous vice presidents. No pressure!
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  94.  @griffinrupe  true. Everyone should have a right to vote. In Ukraine convicts vote too, because we are a real democracy and not this electoral college politburo bullshite.
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  95. This is unironically a perfect illustration why media needs to be financed well, so it doesn't depend on ad revenue.
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  96. Yeah no multiple personalities just pseudo hallucinations, mostly audio.
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  97. You can have a good dark joke setup by describing discrimination left-handed people historically faced and trying the other person to guess what category of people you mean. They never do, thinking it's LGBT or Jews or whatever, and when revealed everyone feels STUPID because it's the dumbest reason to hate on someone.
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  98. ​ @honestaspie6405  they're hiding the fact that aliens built the Bass Shop Pro pyramid! Wake up sheeple.
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  99. It's good measles can go away in under 2 hours.
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  100. Performative stuff instead of real action was always a problem and not unique to America. Here's a Soviet joke: -Comrade Lenin, the Shkworks are starving! -What is this word? -Its our newspeak term for teachers, from "school workers". -My, my, what an ugly word to use for such a noble profession! Stop this immediately. -My apologies, comrade Lenin. The sh-teachers are starving. -Now this is much better! That's the punchline. Hypocritically applauding nurses instead of actually following pandemic rules, or attacking Spanish people for their language instead of paying reparations for slavery are the highest points of American hypocrisy.
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  101. If they covered russian performance in First Chechen War we'd see news from 30 years ago fit as buttery smooth for Ukraine.
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  102. ​ @AntiqueRem  how the F is it true when one party literally blocked aid to Ukraine and thousands DIED because of them? Like nobody gives a shit about Americans but voting for Republicans is most anti-Ukrainian thing you can do.
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  103. depending on page layout you migth have BOTH!
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  104. I really don't understand leopard voters... like I live in Odesa and we have higher than average number of traitors pointing missiles on their own homes... you'd think even if they support those who are actively trying to kill them they at least draw the line at self-preservation but NOPE! Every other week there's someone arrested for trying to make it easier to destroy their own city.
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  105. Did our Ukrainian refugees finally get to Charli Hebdo'ing NYT officers? So, yeah, guys, where do I get the smallest violin in Ukraine, will Rozetka stock them, or I need to OLX?
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  106.  @SmallSpoonBrigade  They are still running a flush-down-the-drain candidate, Jill Stein, coming right off her dinner with Flynn and Putin, voting for her is literally like flushing the vote down the toilet, so at least Americans got that option.
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  107. Not as much mistakes but never taking someone you knew familiarly seriously. I mean "no prophet in his home county" is literally from Bible.
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  108. ​ @Krystalmyth hashtag one joke
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  109. UN engineering something that actually works is credit they don't deserve lol. Last time they tried it was police action in Korea to stop Chinese from making a puppet state with russia-born Kim emperor at the helm.
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  110. There were actual female dictators during this skit and before, it's just satire. Tons of atrocities done by Catherine "the greatest of all sovereigns and wh$&s", as Byron put it... She started by killing her husband in a coup. Women tyrants existed from Wu Zetian to the lady who was recently deposed in Bangladesh.
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  111. In 2008 people closed their eyes to russian invasion of Georgia and forced Georgians to accept losing 25% of their country because appeasement always works and putin would stop and not invade Ukraine, as Hitler stopped after Sudety and giving tyrants territory totally didn't lead to WW2
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  112. Democracy is a great system, and I eagerly await Americans actually discover it! But USA is so backwards, it would need someone like Latvia, Ukraine or France overthrow US government and install our own, ban federalization, dispose of electoral college, arrest everyone barking "states rights", allow convicts to vote, and forbid anyone under 51% of votes to become president. THEN they might choose a leader via popular vote, WITH RUN-OFFS, because, again, any election where candidate is allowed to rule without getting a majority is undemocratic.
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  113.  @spircix  this is satire making fun of typecasting by using a ridiculous example that's stupid on purpose. Type-casting people based on their ethnicity is ridiculous, but people are so used to that they need an outrageous fake example like that to understand it's dumb.
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  114.  @smurfyday  him, Kinzinger and McCain were the only three Republicans who didn't toss putin's salad, so I hope they weekend at Bernie's John so the trio can run as the "only part of republican party not directly taking orders from kremlin".
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  115. But 99% of population are immigrants, there's very few natives left in America.
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  116. That's a score for any satire when it gets mistaken for reality.
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  117. I know it's been 7 years but it's 1) satire and 2) a colored Syria map has red, green, blue, yellow and black faction. While ISIS was considered to be the enemy of everyone once they were defeated, the remaining ones are Syrian Arab Army fighting against Free Syrian Army that fight against Syrian Democratic Forces. SERIOUSLY.
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  118. In Ukraine we have booths fully separated with a (not sheer) curtain you go through.
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  119.  @anonb4632  No, we know you "nice guys" are all the same. In the time video was made you'd be wearing V for Vendetta profile pic, and it has 76% of being Joker now, you think girls are all thots cause they don't sleep with you, and that Feminist world order wants to take away your videogames, which they voice by "time to do homework, sweetie" sounds reaching from above your basement when mum brings you tendies.
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  120. By 2050 they'll just drag robo putin instead, why use trump's corpse as the middleman?
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  121. I believe cops who committed offenses should go to jail... As cops. If the legal system is unfair from one side, prison hierarchy sure has a place for dirty policemen. In fact, the 17 year old who shot protesters should retroactively be given a badge. So he'd have sweet time serving his term.
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  122.  @bettafish541  this is funny because that's how ruzzian oligarchs work: they wouldn't be caught dead with families in гиssia, they're all moving to "decadent West" like the guy who screams to nuke US and UK on TV? His son is a gay model in London.
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  123. Obviously.
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  124. Won't work after 2016
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  125.  @antoinet.6895  so that's why richest man in the world is basically trump's running mate and second richest literally forced paper to not endorse Harris? Billionaires literally censor press to help trump.
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  126. But healthcare and taxes would ALWAYS be issues as these things always need to be managed. It's like roads. Politicians job is to direct public funds and reform laws.
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  127. ​ @Shademastermcc I watched Ramsay make quick Carbonara and almost calling firemen as his daughter scrubbed the spaghetti from the ceiling. The mess he makes alone takes hours to clean off screen.
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  128. It was a mistake too. Biden just confessed that Obama being soft on putin led us here. McCain was right. Vote blue now as parties switched platforms on foreign policy again.
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  129. Wait, but she's a blondie! I know I read the original VN, king Arthur is definitely a green-eyed blonde virgin.
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  130. Oh they had exact same problem in 2023 where all Democrats and half the Republicans backed the Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan aid bill, BUT couldn't pass it for half a year so ru$#&@ could take Avdiivka.
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  131. The entire Middle East post Ottoman breakup is there but it goes way back to Romans exiling Jews from Jerusalem and renaming Judaea into Palestine to piss them off...
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  132. I JUST heard that explained in a video and I STILL imagine a hangman with large jaw and big smile and his pants open when you say "Florida hanging Chad".
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  133.  @dsm7014  it is because USA doesn't have run-offs, as in actually democratic countries like France or Ukraine, nobody who gets under 51% of public votes should be allowed to become a president. Jill Stein's problem is worse tho, she's a fascist. Actually friends with flynn and putin, so on moral grounds, giving her your vote is WORSE than voting for trump even if it's less damaging. Do not vote for friends of a convicted war criminal FFS.
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  134. Is that the guy who forces 10 year olds to give birth and said that a russia backed dictator is above the law now?
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  135. In Ukraine, you are NOT allowed to enter most big chain stores without a mask on, little shops set their own policy. However, in my region, I see NO people outside of shops wearing masks, including lines and tight places. Everyone suddenly became a runner and started a desire, we're now like 13th in the world and like 4th in Europe by new cases, it's horrible!
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  136. ​ @korana6308  they're literally making same jokes, just not in this format. It's a budget thing.
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  137. The parents with python-killed kid are IRL parents who sent kids to school in september 2020 then made a Pikachu face when they died of corona.
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  138. Why pizzerias earning more money shouldn't be the case? O.o
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  139. Like those Crimean Tatars and Ukrainians who had the misfortune of not being treated as russians
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  140. The joke is that self help gurus with advice like in first part might as well just give suicide tips.
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  141. Counterpoint: as a Ukrainian, I feel like I am the one supposed to be blamed for USA not fixing it's healthcare, and those hungry children really could have eaten those 155mm artillery shells Pentagon is clearing stock with. You guys come third. Jews should be in top 3 because they always overachieve on that.
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  142. 3:15 I love how even in a dystopian future, nobody will EVER recognize russian annexation of Crimea :3 It does seem Ukraine merged with Belarus tho.
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  143. NANI?!
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  144. Yeah cause screw Vietnamese kids amirite they commies anyway.
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  145. ​ @airplanes_aren.t_real it would be much better movies if they didn't listen to vocal minority of no life super fans.
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  146.  @AC-os1he  that's the goal of hostile foreign interference into elections, they support the extremes of all sides to have people fight. THAT SAID it's always obvious who kremlin stands behind, always voting against them is a safe bet, look at Orban or Fico destroying Hungary and Slovakia's rule of law. Don't turn USA into a third world country whose leader bows to kim and putin... again.
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  147. 1:40 Literally most of countries in the world are AT LEAST bilingual, I mean a child in East Europe would usually learn English as their THIRD language.
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  148. They have 2016 posters, and mention Clinton instead.
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  149.  @deusgamer4922  North Korea has invaded Europe. There's widespread chemical weapon use by ruzzsia. USA shifts their red lines beyond "putin literally crapping over the white house and NOT wiping well".
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