Comments by "Sammy B" (@sammyb1651) on "The most TOXIC RELATIONSHIP BELIEF: how you may be sabotaging your success" video.

  1. Much to be said for your musings here Orion and I largely agree. It's somewhat cursory/incomplete however. In instances where the relationship involves pooling of resources, much of that attention/time has been expended (often exhausted) in a work context first. In other words, like it or not, you've traded that energy rich portion of your partner's day in exchange for access to the resources they've brought into the household. Ie roof over your head/warmth/food etc etc. Ergo you are actually experiencing that attention, just in an indirect way. It has been sublimated into other things. And residual energy is much depleted after that. It just boils down to whether you feel that's an adequate trade-off. I think a lot of the antagonism lies there because for men it usually isn't. Men aren't bothered about a woman's resources so therefore it's more difficult to accept a sh!tty, exhausted attitude on top of that. For women I think it's different because they ARE intensely interested in the man's resources for the myriad of consumer crap they want/so they can indulge in status game p!ssing contests with their female friends etc etc. So much so that it forms a central part of their mate selection: "So what do you DO for a living?" It's fairly obvious the only way sanity can prevail is in some form of reciprocated performance. That has to be negotiated on very individual terms in each relationship. The trouble is the culture prescribes that only men have a performative burden and women have full self actualisation privilege. Worse still, that any appeal to the female to live up to a performative burden is "misogyny/patriarchy" Men would do well to consider their position very, VERY carefully in light of this.
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