Comments by "Sammy B" (@sammyb1651) on "Listen to YOURSELF: you likely already know the answer" video.

Thats a worst case scenario. A more common scenario is the woman (happy or otherwise) inserting herself at the centre of the relationship and making the relationship about her. That's the VAST MAJORITY of heterosexual relationships and it's soul destroying for most men. Women think it's perfectly reasonable. They will stare at you like you've got two heads if you question the dynamic. The truth however is that it's purely extractive behaviour that hollows the man out.
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@joecurran2811 Funny you should mention that as I've actually posted a couple of additional responses in this comment section and they've been deleted.
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@chipsteve Nail on head re: the lack of "grow stronger together" intent. The biggest revelation for me was the complete absence of honour-based thinking amongst women. As a man I think you genuinely confer relational equity on a woman for any good deed done. The sort of thing you believe will see you through harder times as a couple. You're giving her a form of future credit in recognition of any good thing she may have done for you or the relationship. It's an honour/duty based way in which men tend to think and naively I assumed the same applied to how women viewed relationships. It was particularly appealing because (typically) you're doing far more for them than they do for you, so you figure you must have laid a reasonably firm foundation with them. Not so however. On mature reflection you come to realise that every day is day 1. The clock is re-set every day and all former good works count for very, very little if the tally for the day or week is down. It's not "what have you done" but "what have you done for me lately?" Once you understand this though you begin to see it everywhere. Every song by male artists is some form of what they'll sacrifice for her and every song by female artists is a variation of: "what have you done for me lately?" Happily then at least you know it's not just you and you're not going mad. Every clown in a band throughout history (who would be lauded today as HVM) is just some guy with the same Operating System. If anything they're even more desperate to offer sacrifice and service-so much so they sing about it to anyone that'll listen. Ultimately you come to realise the one thing you can never do is self-extrapolate in terms of your thinking. They have a completely different Operating System. It would disgust us if a man behaved that way (hell, it'd disgust THEM if a man behaved that way)...but it is what it is. However from that point on you put yourself first unapologetically. Not because you're selfish but because you know you can't rely on the reciprocation you once believed to be possible. That's not on you, that IS on her.
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@markrcca5329 I agree. I mean it really shouldn't be necessary for someone entering a relationship to have to "fight" for or justify the concept of "fairness" in a relationship (it's ludicrous in itself when you think about it)...but it can work and you should certainly try to. From the earliest opportunity so it sets the tone from the start. In most cases however it doesn't or won't work. Most heterosexual relationships are men ministering to women and putting the female's interests first. That's literally why the female is in the relationship to begin with. They're looking for a net benefit and they pursue this by extractive behaviours. Her interests first. Her at the centre of the relationship. The relationship being about her. It all amounts to the same thing. Incidentally it's usually done subtly, not by force. I've had women (in the early stages of a relationship) "open up" and cry etc etc. Saying how difficult things had been before I showed up (or variations of the same). Usually its some form of how awful or neglectful their ex was. It's a form of flattery-you're being held up as "better"-but it's real function is to condition you to understand that her feelings have primacy and your role is to ensure they're prioritised at all costs.
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@markrcca5329 I agree. I mean it really shouldn't be necessary for someone entering a relationship to have to "fight" for or justify the concept of "fairness" in a relationship (it's ludicrous in itself when you think about it)...but it can work and you should certainly try to. From the earliest opportunity so it sets the tone from the start. In most cases however it doesn't or won't work. Most heterosexual relationships are men ministering to women and putting the female's interests first. That's literally why the female is in the relationship to begin with. They're looking for a net benefit and they pursue this by extractive behaviours. Her interests first. Her at the centre of the relationship. The relationship being about her. It all amounts to the same thing. Incidentally it's usually done subtly, not by force. I've had women (in the early stages of a relationship) "open up" and cry etc etc. Saying how difficult things had been before I showed up (or variations of the same). Usually its some form of how awful or neglectful their ex was. It's a form of flattery-you're being held up as "better"-but it's real function is to condition you to understand that her feelings have primacy and your role is to ensure they're prioritised at all costs.
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