Comments by "Ida Larsen" (@idalarsen2540) on "Is the Idea of Virginity Outdated? Virgins vs Non-Virgins | Middle Ground" video.

  1. Ugh, ffs yes. F*ck that!! That's the worst, most insensitive thing you can say to someone who's been assaulted, especially sexually. It's just so wrong. I understand that she said it with good intentions, I'll give her that, but it's careless, ignorant and rude to say such things. It's just not okay at all. As someone who has been assaulted in several different ways many times, including two sexual assaults (r*pe), once by a childhood/teenage years-"friend" and he second happened just a couple of months after turning 18, where the abuser was 44 years old. Gross af. I've had way too many people day the exact same thing to me. "It happened for a reason".. excuse me!?!? Absolutely not. There was no reason what so ever for that to happen. For me to be taken advantage of. For me to be so severly violated. Literally the only "reason" these CRIMES happen, is because the abuser is a messed up, dangerous and bad individual. That's the only reason. Sexual assault is never something you're "supposed to learn and grow from". No way. Stop excusing these horrible monsters. They're violent criminals. They're not "sent" by anyone as a damn "lesson". They're just sick and disturbed individuals who wants to feel powerful and in charge. They're reckless and selfish. Sure, like this young woman in the video said, she did grow from that experience, but that's only because you're forced to grow after such abuse. There's no valueable lesson from it. It beats you down, leaving you forced to either try to find some, any, whatever silver lining there may be, or stay down. The better option is to try to find a silver lining, but that's in no way the same as it "happening for a reason". That silver lining you desperately try to find is not "the reason" for it happening in the first place. Saying that line is simply excusing the abuser's behaviour while downgrading someone's (the victim's) personal trauma. It's degrading and devaluing. It's not taking it seriously. It's victim blaming. It's disgusting and wrong. Although I've obiviously have had to try to turn my traumatic experiences around, in order for me to keep going in life, not allowing the abuser to keep me down even without him present, I wish none of the abuse ever happened. I'd be so much better off without those experiences. Those sexual assaults ruined so many years in my life, I've had to deal with severe post traumatic stress disorder and will continue to do so for years. Having to deal with constant reoccurring nightmares, trust issues, sexual- and relationship issues, low self worth, depression and so much more is not something to consider a "lesson" or a silver lining. People seriously need to stop saying this to sexual assault survivors. You're only degrading us and the severity of our experiences. You're only continuing to excuse this kind of destructive behaviour. Saying "it happened for a reason" is just the same as saying we deserve to suffer.
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