Youtube comments of Sirena Spades (@SirenaSpades).
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Having been stalked for YEARS by a BPD man, who would turn up and bang on my door in the middle of the night, break into my house, visit my family, mail me things, I'm getting to the worse things. He DESTROYED my car, tried to get me fired, did things to me online, tried to break into my personal accounts like cell phone bill, he called the police with a made up charge and tried to get me arrested and I actually had to go to court! These people are worse than the dark triad. I had to move, my address is hidden per the state now. It doesn't help. I barely knew the man, just a couple of dates!!!
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Our family friend Dawsie was hands-down the most frugal person I've ever met. She grew up in a VERY wealthy family with servants, I could go on. She was a college professor and I believe she embraced frugality to horrify her family as a rebellion. Sadly, she passed away January 2021 at 90 years old. I really enjoyed knowing her. She dressed so badly you would have absolutely no idea of her background (she loved doing this). She would choose particular tshirts or sayings on the shirts for occasions - all of her clothes were free. She never had a phone, and refused to even have a mail box, receiving her mail at the post office via "general delivery" because it was free. She really gets the award. No one, no one, is as cheap as her. She grew all of her food (ate no meat) as an organic farmer. She reused pieces of paper, and would send me reused cards. I learned so much from her, all types of knowledge. She was delightful. She would utilize the ability to do work overseas to travel to exotic places, with the trip being paid for, in various types of work.
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I know of an older man - almost 80, married, who had a very long term affair with a woman in her 40's. 20 years or so, it ended only when he passed away. He lived with this woman during the week, and "went home" to be with his wife on weekends. The guise was that he was working during the week, away on some worksite. The reality was, he was simply in the next town over, at the woman's house. He even brought the wife's laundry to do, and filled water bottles for the wife - the house (wife house) had plumbing problems where in the winter, the water would freeze up so she had no water access. She couldn't drive so unless someone told her, which would be very sad indeed, she wouldn't find out. I dated the son for a while.
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Mario, it's grinding to a halt here in the US. I'm a small landlord, I have a triplex, and I live in one of the units. So I rent two of the three units. We have a housing shortage, supposidly, but not really. One unit sits empty and I can't seem to rent it. Usually it can't rent quick enough. My largest rental unit, yesterday the renters told me they are moving early and bailing on the lease. I was in a total panic. My stomach was in knots. I did the usual online listings but not a lot of faith. I slept on it and woke up with the idea to staple flyers onto phone / electrical poles. I went out and did that today (I'm still up). IMAGINE. It is desperation. There was nothing else on the phone poles. When I was a college kid, there used to be layers of band flyers playing at local pubs on the phone poles. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up with another idea. Airbnb sits stagnant, I already tried that with the vacant unit. It's about 25% of normal, if that. Things are dire.
An update on food where I am, at the farmers markets, there is no food. Usually all summer the local farmers bring vegetables, that is the whole point, there is nothing. There is a pet treats seller, a cookie baker, a lady selling scarfs, a soap seller. No vegetables.
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Thank you, Dr Grande, for addressing this issue.
I have had enough of this crap! If I want to hang out with a man, I will date him. Otherwise, it's hanging out with a group of girls. Real girls. Not fake girls. Not morphed fake girls or guys trussed up like girls or lipstick on a pig type nonsense. They can have their own little creepy club and leave women alone. Stay out of women's sports, stay out of our locker rooms, stop creeping on us, stealing our trophies and medals, get out of organizations and clubs! If I wasn't clear, straight normal men, shouldn't be threatened, because traditional roles apply - dating and marriage - all normal stuff. These men aren't creepily faking their way into our sports, etc.
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Although you focus on panic attacks, there is much more to it than that, someone very "normal" would struggle to survive if they lost bearings in the Maine woods. I am from and live in, Maine. I had a feeling before clicking that this occurred here in Maine. In middle school in 7th and 8th grade as part of our curriculum, we had survival in the Maine woods training, which included 2 nights each year overnights in the winter and a variety of training. It was assumed that most of us would get lost in the Maine woods through hunting, hiking or just .. well, getting lost. After all, living in northern Maine and being in the most forested state it is a pretty common assumption. All us could survive easily with very little gear. One of us did survive on a national TV program with nothing but a knife. Generally you need to be very prepared for the area you will be in, I may be well trained for Maine, but not so well prepared for a hot climate with poisonous snakes or types of predators that I am unfamiliar with.
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I'm really disappointed that you blew off the Tightwad Gazette. It is the END ALL of frugality. You really should look at it again and actually read the complete (Complete Tightwad Gazette) as there are so many gems still relevant today. I'd say almost none of it is outdated, as you so casually said without even looking at it. I doubt you read it! You are so similar to the author (her last name is pronounced like "decision"). She has a large family, was a professional woman, loved to cook. She seems like a lot of fun, too. I think you'd relate to the book as your younger self when you were getting started, and your viewers would, too. Just off the top of my head, one of the tips that is most amazing is her cataloging system for kids clothes. She would write down and catalog AHEAD and what she had a HOME already, for each child, each clothing piece. jeans, shoes, jackets, everything. Written out. If anything would be needed next year in future sizes, she would write that out. Her article on it is much better, anyway then when she would go yard saling, she would only buy what was on the needed list. So the school clothes shopping would cost hardly anything. Brilliant!
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I'm a former banker (Citigroup). I knew about this to a minor extent, that is, I knew it applied to some loans, I didn't know it was widespread. I knew it was on our smaller secured loans, 2nd position home loans (HELOC), car loans, and mortgages. You all should know about this, too, because it says it right in your loan documents. It says it in a one line sentence. It is not worded strangely like in the book. You should always read before signing. You can still look at your loan documents - and you SHOULD, so the Great Taking book doesn't seem obscure and scary. You'll know for next time, and stop taking out debt. By the way, it was known since Biblical times, The Borrower Is Slave To The Lender!
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I can add to this. I grew up in a railroad family. My father was a railroad engineer, his father was the station manager. My father supported us, my mother didn't have to work. We had a nice house, multiple cars, my father was into sports cars. We had a Corvette, a Camaro, a Mustang, and a Chevy jacked up truck. These all followed another by trade ins. We also had a lakehouse. Upper middle class. My classmates thought I was rich. My grandfather got a new Cadillac every year, got my grandmother nice jewelry, and one year got her a fur coat (this was the 80's). When my parents went on vacation and my grandparents dropped me off at school, the kids thought I was being dropped off in a limo - the Cadillac. My father's brother (my uncle) was also a railroad engineer like my father, they all worked for the same railroad like everyone in town. He also was into cars and trucks. He lived in a big house on the lake. This thing with railroad workers needing more money is a hoax. But it is one of the few good jobs left.
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The best thing is to put them into a care facility. Yes, it will deplete their assets. It will only deplete THEIR assets, not yours. Once their assets are depleted, it will go onto the state (medicare/medicaid). There is no point to do the care yourself. No one can do it 24/7. When I was in college, we rotated shifts caring for my grandmother with dementia. My mother, myself, and a hired retired nurse all worked in shifts. My sister in high school also helped. It was a huge toll on all of us, especially my mother, because she lived with her and did overnights. My grandmother was aggressive, escaped, fought, shouted. It was ok in the beginning but over time it was unsafe. Just one example, she fell on my shift and I was unable to pick her back up, I did break the fall. I will be unable to take care of my mother, as she is even taller than my grandmother by several inches (I weigh just over 100 pounds, I can't lift that much weight).
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US here. As an accountant, Americans have no idea how much they are taxed. They might be thunderstruck by the UK's 45% tax rate, but depending on the US state they live in, they could be taxed far more than 45%. Supposidely you are only to be taxed once according to the Constitution, yet then there is the state tax, then there is the 5.5% purchase tax (in my state, some are higher) that you pay on anything you buy- grocery store to clothing, restaurant tax is even higher, lodging tax is higher than that. Forget about gas tax and smokes and liquor, you'll pay a dear tax for that! Also, most have health insurance through an employer, not a tax, but many countries consider that part of what you are paying for in your tax rate, but Americans are paying a thousand dollars or more a month PER PERSON for health insurance. The taxes are endless and will add up to a confusing Robin Hood amount that no one could reasonably add up!
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I mostly use a desktop for any browsing. I have no idea how to build my own desktop. Do you have a solution for this? I know Linux exists, but ? it's a big mystery to me. Can your company build Linux desktops for those of us clueless, or direct us? I have to use a desktop for work and use the same desktop for browsing, although it's possible but inconvenient to use a different one. I could use two separate ones. I used to use a laptop for my private browsing when Toshiba made good ones. As for smartphones, as a Gen Xer, I'm happy to buy one from you, and I will, but I don't use them for browsing, but as former law enforcement, I know there is still plenty of data to take from them. Location information, photos, and I do use them for photos. Phone calls, messages, contacts.
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I definitely have been using AdBlock for many years. Edit: I don't, and never will, pay for Youtube premium, I don't use my phone to watch Youtube, my phone doesn't get cell data, I am far too rural, so it's useless. I have to use my desktop so I have to be parked. My use is limited. I won't sit and watch shows anyway. What would it take? Maybe maid service, a hairstylist, how about a gardender, and maybe a chef showing up. Maybe a hot guy, why not. All in person.
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I don't think the young men have a clue at all! They haven't been brought up to be adults (the girls in this age group either). Their parents didn't allow them to work as kids babysitting and mowing lawns, or as teens at McDonalds and at the mall - or wherever, it doesn't matter. Then booting them out of the house at 18 to fend for themselves. The kids are forever children, living in the parents basement forever. Their parents forgot that their job, as parents, is to raise kids to become adults. Thus, the kids become completely messed up. The young men are grown up children, as are the girls. Why not blame everyone else?! (thanks for the complement, Bjorn :) Bjorn is correct, women do not like lack of confidence, and poor grooming. And in general, beards are bad and gross (except for Bjorn who is an exception).
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The US used to have a $1,000 bill, and a $500 bill. To the other commenter, I get $100 bills all the time. But then, I make a point of using cash. I purposely go to the bank and withdraw it, and go through the drive-through, ask for denominations, or go inside, and do the same. I don't do it with $50's as often, but I do get paid in $50's sometimes from tenants - I'm a landlord. Cash flows through me often. Make a point of it. I often require my tenants to pay me the first month's in cash. It forces the bank to come up with large amounts. Then maybe I deposit a large amount, or maybe I circulate it. Who knows ;)
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The people in the comments don't seem to be picking up on this, but social mores in 1959 did not account for a woman who cross dressed like a man, and acted like a man. You can see when the camera sweeps over her person, that she is sitting as a man would. In 1959, women wore circle skirts. It wasn't until the late 60's that women BEGAN wearing pants, and not in school, either. Note her "greaser" man's hairstyle. She smirks when the interviewer brings up anything involving the shock value of what she is doing. Of course, these are superficial, divorces in that time were unheard of, she married men she married the same day, men she married within a couple of weeks, then the illegal checks, drug charges, and more.
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This is a smaller business, not a large wealthy company. A very large, big company, would know better. But a small company, perhaps with one dumb owner, might try it - especially an owner that hasn't gone to college! lol Basic knowledge and you'd know better. Perhaps the person who drafted the document has a rudimentary knowledge of contract law, allowing them to think if employees signed it, it would be fine. Which I suppose it would, but not ethically, and not in the intent of the government's stimulus checks, which have another program for businesses.
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I am in northern Maine. My tomatoes are still outside, no problem yet. Last year I kept them out as long as possible and I did start them late, and what I did (last year) was I ended up picking them all green, I lined a crate with newspaper, put it down cellar, covered it with newspaper. The idea is to keep it cool, try to keep the air inside so the ripening enzymes will ripen the other green tomatoes, this worked perfectly. I canned 3 batches, in stages, of various tomatoes, they were wonderful, the last at the end of November!!! Lots of tomato and mayo sandwiches! Yum! I look forward to doing the same this year.
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I had a horrific male stalker who acted similar to this, but worse. He went to my parents house and told them "everything was fine" (it wasn't). He tried to act to people as though he was my boyfriend, although we had been out just a couple times and was too creepy for me to continue dating. This is when the stalking began. He broke into my house, hollered naked one night in front of my house one night for hours, attempted to hack into my phone through the phone bill website, keyed my car, and then reported me to the police, and I actually had to get interviewed and go to court - I was let off. I got a protection order, but this was ineffective, I called the police over 10 times after the protection order but they never did anything!!! or charged him at all!! Despite my state having a stalking law, and this man having multiple previous protection orders against him - I looked them up. The DA's in my state would not hold up the charges, I was told by the detective. They told me to just ignore him, he likes attention! I ended up moving, and removing myself offline, and doing the state's vulnerable person protection, which is a terrible bother, hiding addresses from databases. I'm sure he tracks me. This went on for years and I had to change my lifestyle and stop doing my hobbies that I enjoyed ! Why should I have to do that. Edit, in reading the comments, more memories came back. He sent me thousands of texts ranting before I blocked him. My uncle worked with him and said he was constantly in the bathroom, he must have been living in there sending wild texts. I have a phobia of texts now in addition to any ding type of sound.
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As a female, here are my tips to men: Have good hygiene. Be well groomed. Shower often including hair washing. Shave (sorry, Dr. Grande.) Men think beards are popular, they are not popular for women, at least women you don't know. Get a nice haircut that looks freshly done. Dress nicely and neatly, including shoes. Do not dress in gym clothes. Suits are much preferred. You should be goal oriented in your career. If you have no goals and aren't moving up , things will not go well for you (you plan to stay working as a barista forever, what do you think your dating prospects will be?) If approaching a new woman, STAND BACK. Do not stare. If you are interested in her, you might say, Hello, my name is....., I wondered if I might get your phone number? (then wait and do not talk until she answers), she might say no. You could possibly respond with, Would it be ok if I give you MY phone number in case you change your mind? (I say this because people can be so caught off guard and giving the other person the option can be a good idea, if she says no). Do not offer this as the first option. Women like a confident man and it is preferred that the man contact the woman so you want to ask for her number initially. If she agrees, write it down on a piece of paper along with your first name only, do not exchange numbers directly on your phones. Why? She will have the opportunity to get your whole name, allowing social media searching. You don't want that, you want the opportunity to make real contact and get to know her in person. If she searches you electronically, she may never call. Also, do not allow more than one text or two, or more than one phone call, before you meet at a coffee shop or other very public place. This first meeting should not be more than 15 minutes, no matter how much you like her. Tell her you have some meeting and you must go after that amount of time. It must be brief to create longing. Of course, you must ask to see her again, at the end of that meeting, if you like her, the next meeting will be a week away. Each time, space the dates out one week. Don't do anything foolish like wait two days to call her to ask her out again.
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The muscleman message does do her in, I think. I was going to put forth another theory but it's probably unlikely due to the muscleman message. Unfortunately, Dr. Grande lacks the perspective of the longterm wife of FBI/police, so he wouldn't have known how bad it gets for these wives. Just speaking from experience, the men, (I think narcissists) select naive young women for wives, keep them sheltered, tell them terrifying things about their job in law enforcement. The wives, with "help" from the husband develop anxiety and depression, that funny enough, they never had prior to meeting the man, end up on medication, not well managed. Likely over medicated and over drugged. Ann was probably heavily sedated. Maybe seroquel at night, and still recovering during the wellness check. That was my experience. Thank goodness I'm divorced. If there was a body, I'd never have known.
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I'm not an expert, nor do I play one on TV, but one thing I seem to have noticed is that the show is almost always used as an intervention. The person or family goes on the show to present an issue about a father/mother/partner, they talk about it, and then the offending person comes on, and doesn't have a chance. One thing I kind of like is that they expose scams and catfishing schemes, and sometimes even track them down, but more importantly, raise awareness about this issue, to older women and older people who are sending millions across the world to fake love interests. His wife is always shown in the audience as a caring figure, heavily made up. I don't know the purpose of the wife, no doubt viewers are supposed to feel something, perhaps she was installed after the 80's mistress or mistep or whatever it was.
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Even without an unemployment check, these people can sit home forever. The stimulus package included (in my state, other states may vary) Increased Snaps benefits, free heat, free internet, free electric, free heat pumps, free insulation, increased medical, and more. Nobody's starving. There are so much increased benefits that they can sit home eating chips and watching youtube all day indefinitely. They also get a child tax credit check every month, which is hundreds of dollars PER MONTH, PER KID!!!
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My boyfriend has a second job at a grocery store here in the US. Still lots of panic buying and empty shelves. They are receiving trucks, but supply comes gradually - as it always has with just a little of everything at a time (Walmart), so when a little flour, bread, toilet paper, and so on comes in each day, people go nuts and immediately buy it. People try and time their shopping with when they believe deliveries arrive, coming in at store opening, or close to store closing. The store has put up signs on some items with "limit 1 per person". People have thrown loaves of bread at him in anger. It is a very weird time. Yet - the store is still full of many items, such as, the people could still buy bread from the bakery area, so the store does still have bread, just not the regular commercial loaves - the bakery area is fully stocked.
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I agree with the no tipping while standing. I also don't like tipping when there is one of those digital cardreaders on the table, that's also over the top. If they are only halfway waiting on me and can't even bring me a folder with the bill, it's not really a restaurant, those kind of places also have bussers bring the food out, and "wait staff" only place orders, and bring you drinks. Another thing that burns my gourd, is if they can't pace meals, which seems to be a HUGE THING. They try and force you to order your appetizer and entree at the same time, and aren't smart enough to pace those out, and as you are taking your first bite of the appetizer, they bring out your entree, so they get cold. Instead the dumba**es holding off on putting the entree order through at all, until you are ready for it, so it's fresh and hot. Do we have money to burn these days to waste on crappy food now?
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Wearing logos are cheesy anyway, anything to do with LV and showing off logos is lame. LVMH owns many, many sub companies (75 including Tiffany, LV, Sephora, Christian Dior, Fendi, Bulgari, etc.), which many people might be surprised to find out, are NOT marketed to the rich, but to low middle class people, to unload their wallets, so these people can compete amoung themselves while showing off logos. Thanks, Louis, for letting us know more about the tactics of these lowball companies.
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Stimulus packages do various things in different states. People seem to think it simply pays for stimulus checks. In my state, it also pays the following for low income people: internet, heat, electric, cars, apartments, medical, increased snap benefits, heat pumps, home insulation, and more. THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY. And that equates to people sitting at home because there's not much else to pay for!
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I have gotten cars free a few times (tossing the luck with the free ones), spent $500 a few times, and it goes up $2000, $8000, etc. I have ABSOLUTELY been stranded, many times. I knew the free and $500 cars would likely break down, so you stay around town and keep money on you for tow. This still is far better than a car payment. The one free car that comes to mind, I broke down in at least twice, but once I got a few things fixed, it was a nice luxury car for a couple years. I have driven auction vehicles, cars friends don't dare to sell, "scrap" vehicles. My $8000 vehicle that I drive now - I got it in 2007, can no longer pass inspection, I have a free car waiting ready to go. People worry too much, Fear costs money.
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Wasting good parts make no sense. Mopars are better anyway. Consider it a pivot. I have to tell you, this happened before. My grandfather, as a young man, used to drive into the junk yard and drive out with a better car than he drove in with. Disposable cars have happened before, after wealthy economic cycles. This would have been in the 1930's (after the crash but before the war). Model A and Model T type cars, from what he described. There are famous images of the junkyards back then, and there will be images from today's. My grandfather and his brother, like most all men back then, were mechanically inclined, his brother, my great uncle, was dirt track racer later on and had a body shop for a career.
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1. Illegal employees. (at least they would be illegal most certainly in my state!! severely underpaid with no health insurance) Employees being paid $100 a week. Another separate issue is the unbelievable housing provided for employees, the trailers in terrible condition, with rats and trash with multiple employees per trailer. 2. Another thing, I believe I remember the employees stated long work hours, if I remember right. 3. I might argue for hostile workplace conditions, with the bizarre arguing of the Joe Exotic and that other man, and the drug use (and the starving tigers!, that would bother me a lot). 4. So brings us to animal abuse with the starving tigers, tigers in the mud, the arson with the crocodiles in the tin building with the studio, and so on. I think that's beyond the possible euthanizing of the 19 tigers or whatever it was.
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I had a horrific male stalker who acted similar to this, but worse. He went to my parents house and told them "everything was fine" (it wasn't). He tried to act to people as though he was my boyfriend, although we had been out just a couple times and was too creepy for me to continue dating. This is when the stalking began. He broke into my house, hollered naked one night in front of my house one night for hours, attempted to hack into my phone through the phone bill website, keyed my car, and then reported me to the police, and I actually had to get interviewed and go to court - I was let off. I got a protection order, but this was ineffective, I called the police over 10 times after the protection order but they never did anything!!! or charged him at all!! Despite my state having a stalking law, and this man having multiple previous protection orders against him - I looked them up. The DA's in my state would not hold up the charges, I was told by the detective. They told me to just ignore him, he likes attention! I ended up moving, and removing myself offline, and doing the state's vulnerable person protection, which is a terrible bother, hiding addresses from databases. I'm sure he tracks me. This went on for years and I had to change my lifestyle and stop doing my hobbies that I enjoyed ! Why should I have to do that.
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People that complain about being abused by a narcissitic person, except for children, it is your fault for not leaving, and definitely your fault for putting your children through what will become a lifetime of hell - I was a child of a narcissitic father and have been in constant CBT for over 20 years. That said, I think BPD is maybe the most toxic one from my laypersons perspective. I went out with a man just three times, I didn't know him very well but I noticed as I got to know him strange behavior, such as ignoring boundaries specifically. He proceeded to stalk me for years, like a horror movie. Hundreds of texts, keyed car, stalking me at my work, notes on car at work, kicked in my home door, went to my parents house to "tell them" we were still together ?, mailing me weird stuff, I got a protection order which was ignored, he responded by filing one on me! Which the court did not uphold. It was absolutely horrible. I moved, changed my hours at work, changed my route to work, I had to install cameras at my home. Police ignored multiple times (all the times) when I called and he violated the protection order, which could have gotten him arrested but never did since they didn't do anything. This was 10 years ago and things still happen like my door getting banged on, and I suspect that it's him, because who else would it be?
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@countdebleauchamp I have never seen this "check the back seat" notification in any vehicle? Edit: According to Google: "Acura, Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, Ford, Genesis, GMC, Honda, Hyundai, Infiniti, Kia, Lincoln, Nissan, Subaru, and Toyota all offer a rear-occupant alert system on most or all of their 2024 vehicles." I have a Porsche, Dodge, and 3 other vehicles not on this list... so there are MANY other vehicles without this notification.....
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Not to mention... The people not working -- Even without an unemployment check, people can sit home forever. The stimulus package included (in my state, other states may vary) Increased Snaps benefits, free heat, free internet, free electric, free heat pumps, free insulation, increased medical, and more. Nobody's starving. There are so much increased benefits that they can sit home eating chips and watching youtube all day indefinitely. They also get a child tax credit check every month, which is hundreds of dollars PER MONTH, PER KID!!!
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I use MySudo as burners. You can eliminate the number and generate a new one as needed (if you have a higher level account). It is pretty good, not 100%, Google knows it's a web based number and not a real cell phone, so you can't use it for Google based apps like Gmail, Google, Youtube, etc. If your Match, Tinder, etc dates search the number, it shows up as a web based number, but who cares, a google number will also. MySudo is an app that goes onto your regular phone, so it can ring through and answer and text pretty normally. You can silence it and use only for outgoing if you want to. I've found it very good.
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Grace, that is all very interesting, but no ships are running to get fertilizer to the US. Additionally, farmers here in the US are planting 50% of normal crops (in the central US) , due to a variety of reasons, including: drought, lack of parts to repair machinery, lack of fertilizer, high diesel costs, lack of propane, and more. They aren't planting in the western US, California due to extreme drought.
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I've researched old time Christmases. 1800s to around 1920. They cooked special foods, and crafted surprise gifts for immediate family, and sometimes other family and friends. Handcrafted gifts, such as handsewn gifts for women and girls, like crocheted gifts (collars and lace), or handmade dolls for girls. Men might make gifts of wood, such as a rocking chair for wives, or a sled for a boy. It was not commercialized, until more recently. How much more special would it be, if it were like back then? Thoughful gifts, specially made for the recipient?
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