Comments by "" (@chrismaxwell1624) on "Psychology with Dr. Ana" channel.

Another thing to throw wrench in his is neuro divergence. I can tell you I sure felt victimized in most situations. The problem is I'm missing upwards of 90% of communication in worst of times but unaware I am. I mean how do you know if your know if you have good hearing but the brain just get overwhelmed and does not process what I'm hearing. I hear all the noise but words just don't get processed at all. I miss all the social cues and don't know I missed 1 in 4 sentences. That's really hard to deal and make really easy to gaslight as I can't counter a claim if they said X or did say X. So I have to go with I did not hear it. They may have said it but I didn't hear it.
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That's what most feel when it come to autistic children. A early diagnosed autistic person, I've had 45 years to see this as true. It's not just a bad father, that neuro typical behaviour or a father that is denial of their own autism.
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Avoiding pain does really augment it. It's just if you do once you do twice and 3 time and soon you pile up so emotional pain it come roaring back as one big pile of intense emotional pain. I think of it like getting a 1000 paper cuts of years but storing the pain and not feeling it. Then when the pain comes out it's like cutting off your leg. So why not feel the paper cut emotional pain.
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Therapist don't fill you head as they just let you talk and ask opened end question so you can talk more.
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Talent is a myth. It's passion, things that you have passion for come easier to you because you enjoy. So if you love doing it you practice for joy of it when your brain is developing. So people who don't put that work in dismiss that as natural talent in others. Being tall doesn't mean you will be good a basket ball if you have no interest in basket ball. I'm tall never liked basket ball. So I never played it outside few week in Gym class. Chasing fame by doing something you don't like you will find it very hard to do.
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@bipo819 A person who is scared of you is fawning, that is not even close to respect. To think that is respect shows me that the person never been respected so has no idea feels it's like.
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Mama Bear, you see this with bears. The most dangerous bear you can encounter is a pregnant or mama bear with cubs. I saw that with same thing with my wife after we had kids, she doesn't back down. Especially if the kids are involved but that carries over to other things in life too. She became a much better negotiator with car dealerships. This something car salesmen don't factor in.
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I'm of the opinion respect is earned not given. It can be easily lost, just like trust can be lost.
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@Demonsta Bullying does earn respect. What bully thinks is respect is fawning to avoid getting treat like shit. It's the opposite of respect.
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It feels like a threat though. I put myself in situation. Say I'm too fearful to do tic toks but it's something I really want to do but let my fear stop me. Then a friend just doing it would feel threatening to me. That because it encourages me to do that same and brings up the deep seated fear which triggers a response that I'm threatened. If I can recognize that I can deal with the fear and no problem as I can figure out why I'm fearful. Could be just not knowing how to do it so I could ask for tips on how to make tic tok. If I don't recognize that I'll lash out that cause my fears which is the friend doing the thing I want to do but won't due fears.
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Is there an enabler or is there just person that is scared the abuse will turn to them if they rock the boat so the take on more bystander role.
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Envry is something you want, Jealousy is something fear losing. Jealousy doesn't mean insecure. It's tell you that you need to do something or you will lose something. So you might be envious of relationship a friends has. You could jealous that you relation might end. If you feel the jealousy it will direct you to doing good things for a relationship. Direct you to having the uncomfortable conversation that creates growth in the relationship. If you suppress jealousy it turn in the green eyed monster most associate with jealousy. So jealousy is very valid and useful.
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Delusions are interesting when you take quantum physics in play which they have now proven occurs in the brain. This is rabbit hole that is fun to go down and blows your mind. So in way our brain is like quantum processor. That open the doors to the multiverse. Think of it like this, every decision cells make in our body an atomic level result in Schrodinger's Cat. Is the cat and alive or dead. Both options happen in multiverses. one with cat is alive and other the cat is dead. So does cell go cancerous, in one of multiverse it does in other it doesn't. We can't see this. Now what if delusion come our brain noticing this and the reality they are perceiving is a another multiverse. This would be a great fictional story I think. Not saying this reality, but boy could I write interesting story about it as work of fiction. Would it be sci-fi?
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I don't think this is case of bending the rules. What you ex did was just jerk move in general. Thoughtless.
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Oddly enough the people who I find the people with divorced parent I know not one has gotten divorced. What more some seem to stay in relationships that toxic.
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Friendships come and go. Some will stay with you others won't. I find it's mostly the slow death. I have some friends that have stayed. Mostly the slow death is just from out growing them and going different directions in life. It's nothing that went wrong just grew apart.
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When someone says they will see you soon, or lets do coffee that's NT behaviour. I'm not sure why they do it, maybe it's just way to end a conversation on good note that they will never follow through on. I try saying that it comes off extremely awkward.
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How can any hate a person they don't know and can never know? That makes no sense. All the example you showed. I know a few name, recognize few faces from the media but I have no clue who these people are. I don't know their friends, relatives, and such. So how can I make judgment on person. Now I remember in 20s I worked at place that was majority women. 3 guys and 40 women. Women are just nasty to each other and created highly toxic work place. Even lead to sexual harassment in work place for the 3 of us.
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Here's something I found interesting. Black and White thinking points to mental health problem. Typically high stress and anxiety. Just look at the state of the world in general. Everyone is more stress and dealing with a lot of anxiety. This I think wasn't as bad a before social media. Cause or correlation. I person think it's turned a feed back loop though causing more stress and anxiety if one isn't careful.
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I used to always take blame. I don't have low self esteem though. It's just that on spectrum I'm expected to take the blame for miscommunications. I don't accept that now. It's a double empathy problem so it goes both way. I'm not only one that has to make the effort. But since I am making the effort if the other person is not then I do not need to take the blame for it. I do have to be aware when I'm not making the effort which happens when I'm overwhelmed.
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This one depends on love languages. Cellphone checking impacts Quality time and that one many love languages. So this might not bother people with different love languages.
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I think if people looked at what marriage actually was in Bible they'd be shocked if they really understood what it was. It's not what what marriage is today.
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I see a lot conspiracy theories about climate change and globalization here in Alberta Canada. As it a perceived as a direct threat to people working in oil patch. So all kind theories. Like how Contrails from jets are spreading medication to makes us docile and less resistant to realizing Climate Change is scam. Really strange. It's all really silly as climate change measure will create jobs in oil patch, high paying jobs to reduce and eliminate emissions. Electric vehicle will be supported by zero emission natural gas electrical turbines. Yet they can't see this and blame lost job due to automation on climate change activism. I can see that they feel threatened on two fronts. On on changes to oil patch. People will need new skills that they don't have. They are also very fearful of climate change too and live in denial. Building conspiracies to support their denial.
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I find if I have friend that tries to dim my light that puts a fire under me and makes my light brighter. If it's something my intuition is telling me to do then someone discouraging me just tells me even more this is the right path. I'm not again constructive feed back with specifics like you point out. This just the generalized discouragement with no backing to it. I've made people very angry in following my path oddly after years and success they shocked I'm successful.
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Women get seen as gold diggers by male design. In patriarchy where even today we still have women earning less than men in many sectors of economy, not all but in many. The conservative idea of woman at home with the kids. This creates a environment where women do end up relying on men for money. Then men call women gold diggers when that's what society is designed to do to women. It was worse 100 years ago but we have long way to go still.
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I don't always want to be right. That's not possible. The more I know the more I find I don't know and I can't be right all the time or 50% of the time. I can be confident in my wrongness and if shown wrong I have no issues adjusting what I was shown as right. I've been wrong today more than I can count. I've learned from each thing but that's part the the troubleshooting process in my job.
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I find this very odd. I like women that are successful. Best CEO we had was a woman, she was great. Very likeable, good sense of humour and she was amazingly competent the position. But I'm on spectrum and social hierarchies and gender roles are something I don't recognize. People often point this out to me, used to cause a lot anxiety after but not I just don't care.
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I've seen a few examples of when it's the kid and not the parent and these are not uncommon. 1) drug addiction: Kids get into crazy things. I had no clue that over the counter stuff can be turned into opiod for example. A mild one that kids do just for fun because it's promoted on TikTok. When things turn side ways with the drug the child is hiding it with a ton of shame. The pain of shame and embarrassment that they go no contact to avoid feeling that way. (this on happen far too often) 2) Narcissistic predators: This pure manipulation as isolation tactic. The narcissists gaslights the victim so much they think that the parents are worst ever. It's win for the narcissist to get their victim going no contact with family and friends. Parents may not even be aware of this. They can be that charming the parent think they are good for their child.
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LOL hard for neuro divergence, it's not even something I can control. Get me going on topic of interest and it's one track mind for me. Hence why they call it a restricted interest, it's restricted as once I'm on that track I'm stuck on it.
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@mr.e7541 She doesn't say that. She saying if you focus on the the end goal the flirting won't work and will go from fun to work making you less playful.
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Diary of CEO is always filled with misinformation and out wrong thing. It's all about getting view and making money.
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I learned you can meet all your needs yourself but that highly energy intensive and take more time than you have in day to do so and needs will go unmet. At the same it take less energy to meet another persons needs. This appears to be a survival mechanism. If it take me less energy to meet the needs of someone else who in turn spends less energy meeting my needs then we end connected and working together with better chance of survival. Just more observation with myself and anecdotal. I don't know there is peer reviewed study on this. So take that with grain of salt.
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Could showing interesting be seen as inauthentic interest and erode trust? I think there is fine line between the two. I'm sure we've all been there in early dating where you find out the person you are interested in has interest in something you don't at all but you go research and pretend to like what they like. This was something I did early in dating. There was that anxiety that they wouldn't like me if I didn't like what they liked. I stopped doing that after a while. I guess it was getting comfortable with and realizing I don't have to like what they are interested in but I can acknowledge it and encourage but not take interest at that same time.
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The tone part is odd, not everyone use the tone of voice that another would expect for a situation. This is very high lighted with autistic and/or ADHD people but it also happens with NT people as well to less obvious way. Criticizing tone of voice sound like an Ad Hominen attack to discredit a person. There can all kind of reason why tone of voice does match what individual might expect. That can cuture, regional dialect, age difference, and such too.
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Weird thing about lies to myself is that my thoughts disprove them. So it take a lot energy to maintain the lies and create more to lies to myself to counter the logical thoughts. It's weird. So instead of lying to myself I accepted the logic. That lead to dealing with lot of painful past situation that I never really dealt with that well.
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I read book that if you tell other want are going to do then it's less likely you will do it. Telling other puts out as fantasy you telling others. If you do it then tell others you are doing it it. Don't tell them the end goal. That just for you and others. Like I didn't tell anyone I wanted to play the guitar, I just bought guitar. I still haven't told anyone what my goal is in learning to play. That's just for me and I have specific goal.
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It's half that, divorce rates are 40-50%. That's not really true that the little things add up over time. It's more threshold of missing little things consistently applied over years that does this. It's not like you didn't do X, Y, Z and that is carried through the marriage. But if done was consistently that marriage will end.
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It really does get better by age 3. At age 3 walking and talking. Trips to the jungle gym and having coffee with friend or making new friends. The second kid was even easier, been through it once already. Have all the stuff still and confidence because your first kid is 3 now and new baby. We had created a support network of other friends that have kids the same age. First kid we had none of that off the start. That's why it was so hard. I can say the first year with first kid was by far the toughest. I look back in hindsight for 20 years ago. That time was really short though but sure didn't feel like it at the time. I still remember how exhausted we were.
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Grief has not stages it's all at once. There is no denial, no anger, no bargaining. Just intense grief that fades in time as I feel it. It brings up memories. Some make me cry, some make laugh, some just hurt. I'm not sure but i'm very logical so denial doesn't work. No real room emotionally to be angry. Bargaining for the impossible seems pointless but we do want to make sense of things, I don't really see that as bargaining. Depression doesn't even make sense. Yeah there will overwhelming sadness. That's normal, expected and how our bodies work. So can't be depression. That leaves only grief.
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You're young. That's why. Wait till your married 25 years. Own hobbies, friends groups, and such is something happen naturally over time. I don't have to do everything with my wife. I'm excited for my wife if she gets a new friend and they go drinks. I'm happy she has her own hobbies. I do like parallel play though. That's where I do my own thing in same room she does her own thing. My hobbies I have group of friends that play games. My wife is happy for me to have that even though I'm going 6 hours with my friends once a week. I'm love it if she played the game too but she has no interest. But then I have no interest trivia night with her friends. Early in the relationship it was the opposite and we did everything together. It's good but as your grow that changes and that's good thing.
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