Comments by "Widdekuu91" (@Widdekuu91) on "NewsNation"
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I once trusted a 'friend' that "all in good fun" wanted to do a ducttape-challenge.
I was about 13, it was before viral-videos or trends, because I'm currently 32.
Either way, I thought it was all in good fun and let her ducttape me to a chair.
Skip to a few minutes later, where I told her to stop and she started putting the tape on my face and nose.
She took scissors, a stanley-knife and a hammer out of the craftroom around us and started 'playing around', threathening me with them.
Luckily the knife was blunt, so it left very superficial wounds on my hand, but the way she kept whispering about my arteries in my neck and how she wanted to cut off my hair (which at that age, seemed like a worse faith than a cut arterie, silly enough) made me shiver.
I tried to just stare in silence and not do anything, as not to encourage her behaviour. And after a period of time that I don't recall, she left the room, with everything still on the table.
When a supervisor of our youthclub walked past the door, I screamed, but he thought it was a joke and that I was angrily growling at a computergame or something.
He did ask; 'Emma is that you?' but when I went 'HM-HMM!' he said; 'Okay, I'm asking you a normal question and if you can't communicate normally, we can't have this conversation' and walked on. (I guess I had just communicated with sighs and grunts too often for him to figure that this was a duct-tape-on-mouth-response, not a common 'angry teenager' growl.)
I eventually decided not to wait until the girl got back and tried to free myself by jumping onto my feet, while still on the (plastic garden)chair.
Instead of falling forward, which would've likely broken my face and nose in hindsight, on that table, the chairleg broke.
So I smashed sideways, into the radiator with my face.
I'll keep it short. The scar on my face took ages to heal, turned a roughly shaped nasty-brown in the summer and éveryone I met thought it was Nutella and 'rubbed' my face to get it off, which was very painful.
The supervisor said it was my own fault for trusting this girl from the youthgroup with ducttape. Turns out she had been assaulted by someone in her youth and therefore decided to play a game with someone else. I was not aware of this, why would I? Either way, I was given an icepack and told to 'be more intelligent next time.'
And then, one day, I met my future ex and trusted him with the story, to which he replied; 'Ah, sounds kinky. Girl on girl action, I like that.'
It made me feel like my feelings were invalid, that I was being stupid for showing my boundaries and that this behaviour of acting without consent was considered fine amongst peers.
I met his friends, who were of the similar kind and I'm sad to say that it led to a whole lot of pushing, humiliating, s-assault, slapping, calling names and being locked up/locked out for hours on end, because they 'had enough of me.'
I'm currently working through these things, amongst other situations, but it's difficult not to keep thinking that you are the main problem, when everyone (except for my parents) keeps saying that you are and has always said that.
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