Comments by "Widdekuu91" (@Widdekuu91) on "Bullied Man Confronts Alleged Childhood Bully 35 Years Later" video.
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Telling someone that's being bullied to 'get over it' is like kicking a fence untill it breaks and then complaining how it's broken and doesn't work properly anymore.
You can't expect someone, that's been abused, to go on and trust humans like nothing happened. There's a thing like PTSD, that you can't see, but it can mess up your life.
This guy might have panic-attacks before going to sleep or wake up screaming. You don't conciously "get over that." Burrying your past and your fears only makes them mess up your life more.
Try thinking of them as opossums. If 30 people dump an opposum on your house and lawn, évery day, your foundation will be ruined. Your garden will be messed up.
Now, they might call pestcontroll, but if they can't get the people to stop throwing the oppossums, it won't really help a lot to fix the house.
20 years later, the oppossums might be gone, but with every hurricane or flooding, (where other homes are still stable) this house is having a hard time.
And since there's no money or time to fix everything (there's work to be done to 'keep up' with the rest) the house gets more and more problems.
Now imagine one of the rich people (that have stolen goods from other people's rhethorical homes) come over and nag the person about their house.
And then laugh in their face when the person goes; 'My house is in bad shape because you threw the oppossums here for yéárs!" then...do you really want to blame the hardworking home-owner for having a damaged home?
What was he supposed to do, stop working and have 5 years of therapy?
Not many people will be able to get that done. Don't shame someone for openly speaking about their traumas.
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+Patrik
Well, if anyone's in their way and won't let them pass, I'm sure they won't go; "Oh please sir, I need to go in and shoot my bullies."
If people try to stop them from going in and shooting others, they won't go; 'Oh but Lizzy, let go of my gun, I need to shoot my bullies."
People will (try to) attack the one with a gun, to prevent more deaths from happening. And otherwise, they'll run and try not to look at the twitching, bleeding and seizuring bodies on the floor, that have already been murdered and those images will leave a scar on their minds forever.
The schoolshooters don't "check' if people have ever bullied them, before they shoot. They need to be quick, otherwise théy will get shot.
They are not trying to get even, they are trying to attract attention with their actions. Attention for théir misery.
Not to mention, if we keep it simple and say that someone has daily told the shooter that his clothes were dumb and cheap....and then he gets shot for saying that....would you figure that's fair?
You tell someone their clothes are cheap and as a punishment, your heartbeat will be stopped? You may never éver see your parents again an will violently be ripped away from your life and family and never be able to smell, see, hear, feel, taste of love again? Because you said the fabric on his body was cheap?
I mean, listen to your own reasoning, it's scary. What you mention is not justice, it's an emotional response without any rational reasons.
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+Jonathan
They never choose the 'weakest', they choose who-ever they think is most intimidating to themselves.
I was bullied about my 'alien-eyes, giraffe-neck and 'fat lips' which turned out to be my best features. By ridiculing and silencing the talented ones, the bullies feel that their miserable talents look better.
It's always the smart ones they go for, or the ones with a different upbringing, the ones with potential. The strong ones, that are in wheelchairs and still keep up with everyone. They feel threathened by these people. They want them gone. No matter how strong you are, if they feel you're a threat to thém, they'll make everyone turn against you.
It has very little to do with your own behaviour. And a lót to do with their own lifes.
If their father left and they are bitter about it, and another boy has a loving family that makes him lunchboxes, they're very likely to bully him for being a mama's-boy. Everything to temporarily silence their own sadness and insecurities.
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+Twi Guy
You're comparing wars and bullying right now. You have to admit, countries after wars are destroyed and it takes ages to rebuild. Stop dragging the nazi's into this.
I'm not taking away the right to self defense and I'm not saying the right to self defense should be taken away.
I don't think the bullies stop bullying when they get beaten up by the victims. They seek out the ones that they see as a threat (a happy kid with a nice lving family is a threat to a lonely, frustrated bully with divorced parents) and so if this kid (above being happier than they are) beats them up, they'll hate him with more passion. Not to mention, the happy kid will have destroyed their moral compass and have used violence, something they would normally not do.
I like your example on thievery. Are you sure that if punishments were harsher, people wouldn't steal?
They might not steal for fun, but if they were hungry and poor, they'd defineately take the risk.
As would bullies that need to vent their frustrations. They don't cáre about the consequences. They're already being hurt. They want to scream, curse and see someone else in pain. Whatever happens after that, is not important.
Which is why, taking the bully aside and talking about their problems, is an effective way of stopping the source of the bullying. Words....not violence.
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I encountered a couple of bullies. Sóme said they did not remember the bullying. Others were with friends/family and got agressive, hoping it'd shut me up. Others laughed in my face and continued as if no time had passed and some ran away scared. BUT One had changed and it was like a movie-scenario.
I was in the train and when he walked into the compartment, I froze for a second. He noticed and said; 'Héy...Emma.." He walked over and gestured to the seat, while saying; 'Do you mind if I sit down, I hoped I'd meet you again one day, I want to apologize.."
I sortof nodded, still terrified (this guy had punched me a black eye and had been very violent at school) so he sat down and started his apology.
Again, it was like in a movie. It was genuine, heartfelt and real, he said he remembered everything that he'd done and often thought back about it. He named 3 or 4 scenario's, without ány laughter or smiling.
He said he felt ashamed and that it had been bothering him. He immediately said; 'Oh but I'm not trying to make this about me, sorry. What I mean is...please knów that this was on my mind often. I treated you in a way that I should've never treated you and you did not deserve ány of the treatment you got. I don't know why I did it, I was stupid.
I do not want to ask you to forgive me, because that's wáy too much to ask. If you want to consider it, I'm lucky, but if you don't, I totally understand. I'd just be glad if you want to take from me, that I dó really regret what I did and that I truly have changed. There's no need to be afraid of me anymore, it was awful seeing your frightened face when I walked in. I've changed, I'm not the same person. That's all I wanted to say. Do you want me to leave again?'
I said; 'No, it's okay, you can stay seated. And I will forgive you for what you did.'
And he said; 'No, that's to much to ask, I-'
And I said; 'I did not conciously make the choice to forgive, it just happened, when you said you remembered and regretted. I believe that. You're forgiven."
And he smiled and said; 'Wow, that's a weight from my shoulders. It's good to see you. You know, I'm following the required educations now, to become a cop." (Which was funny, because he was a criminal when he was younger.)
And I replied; 'Ah, you'd been to that police-station só often, you figured you knew it só well, you just decided to work there?'
And he laughed out loud and said; 'That's a good one! Yeah, I'm enjoying the education so much and my collegues are nice, I want to give back to society, I want to be a good cop. I want to make up for what I've done to everyone and to society and fix it, it feels good.'
And I said; 'This is my stop, I need to leave, but I wish you the best of luck with everything!'
And he said; 'You too, bye Emma!' and I left.
It was a brilliant apology and I'm still almost humbled by how this guy changed his life around só drastically.
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