Comments by "Widdekuu91" (@Widdekuu91) on "They Have No Sense of Danger" video.

  1. Just a random Pedagogic Worker here; It is vital to let kids have their own property, and to treat (at least a part of) their items as their property. If you do not, they will never have a sense of something being theirs and get problems sharing (because they think they'll lose it forever) have problems standing up for themselves whenever people take their stuff later on, they will overcompensate and hide their items away or get anxiety when getting their clothes dirty/ripped at adult age, even when it is théir own clothing and they no longer have to answer to their parents for it. It is similar to the problems that kids and adults experience when parents snoop in their room or take away their privacy. It gives the child the feeling that they are part of the parent and not an indidivual human being. This will not help them later in life, to say the least. It can give people severe problems. It is important that the child, as soon as possible, realises that they are not 'a part of their parents.' Children that don't develop this realisation, will have attachment issues, (and so on and so on, I can list them all.) I would also like to refer anyone here with kids or the future plans to have kids, to read the book "the Happiest Kids in the World" (bringing kids up the Dutch way) which also touches upon this subject, amongst many others. Studies have shown that, though there is ofcourse no perfect way, the Dutch way comes closest to create happy children that are responsible individuals that are not afraid to stand up for themselves, will respect people once they earn the respect and will know who they are.
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  2. Exactly, guilting the child into being grateful and there always being a 'catch' if you get something* or are allowed something fun. Manipulation, no love without having to earn it first. And taking it away immediately (by silent treatment or otherwise punishment and telling the child you are dissapointed in them) by the slightest mistake they make. (That last one will teach them that it is better to not-try than to try and fail. You create people depending on outside-praise and not on inside-confidence. They will not be able to handle critique well, they will panic if they are not the teacher's pet and will ask for validation from authority-figures and not believe in themselves when nobody (seems to) believe in them. * I knew a friend that had a mother and father like this. They would buy him a new toy, when he was a child and within 10-20 minutes, the reason would become clear. Whether they wanted him to cut his hair, change something about his body, his life, his friends, etc. If not, the toy would be taken away again. His parents taught him that only the sun rises for nothing, the rest you need to 'pay for.' As a result, when he was an adult, every birthday he would anxiously wait (sometimes verbally ask if it took too long and he couldn't take the pressure anymore) what the catch was, because he did not trust me to give a gift like that, without expecting things in return. Often he would destroy a gift (like socks, that immediately ended up in the dryer and couldn't be worn anymore) or he would hide it away in a box or cabinet, because it just gave him too much stress. I loved gifting gifts and he would just scream; 'I feel guilty already, I don't want this! I would have rather received nothing, I am already panicking about what I need to gift you!' (Simultaniously, what he gifted was somehow always something he took back as well, like a bottle of alcohol that he then secretly drank or a book that he refused to let me take home or a kitchenscale for my new kitchen that he wanted to keep. I don't know, it was always a gift that I literally was not allowed to take home, after he purchased it for me. I'm guessing that issue had the same origins in his life.) @3nertia 
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