Comments by "Widdekuu91" (@Widdekuu91) on "Casually Explained"
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@voided_sun
I once had a friendship with a guy and he knew I was interested in another boy and not in him. He knew we were friends, because I very often told him how much I appreciated his friendship and how thankful I was to have him give me advice when I needed some.
He had ónce paid for my dinner during a 30-people-meeting-Christmaslunch because I was still studying and didn't have the money to go.
And he said he'd pay for it, because he wanted me to join the group. I thanked him for it, multiple times and said it was very kind of him.
He knew I was involved with someone else, he knew my friendship with him was a friendship.
Then, I called him to tell him that 1. my handpainted birthdaygift for him was finished and I couldn't wait to hand it to him next week and 2. I had a boyfriend, for the first time ever. SInce he was my best friend, I felt he should know, because I felt like dancing and singing and I was so proud.
He cursed, hung up the phone and never returned my calls.
And I sat next to my new boyfriend, on the couch, crying about how I'd trusted this guy with my entire personal life (that he continuously gladly listened to, because he was a shy guy and didn't like to speak) and that appareantely the absence of sex in the prospect, was enough to cut ties with me and just forget about the entire friendship.
I just sat there, sobbing about the hours of work I put into his gift, crying about the fact that I'd lost my friend.
I went as far as wishing that I was some sortof blob...like a shapeless existence. I said; 'Maybe people would appreciate my kindness and the hours of time that I spend on gifts if I'm some sort of shapeless blob with no genitals or anything. Like a slug. Then I would know when people were true friends.'
(I was quite upset at the time, I no longer want to be a slug, don't get me wrong.)
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I'm a girl (to be fair, I'm not very adventurous and don't just hand out numbers) but from my experience, these 4 types of guys exist:
1. Guys that see me walking into a bar, walk over, immediately look me up and down and throw the most vulgar, insulting pickup-lines my way, like; 'Oh, you're a heterosexual? If only you'd been a lesbian, you could've kissed that girl in the corner and I could've wanked to it." (I literally walked across the doorstep 5 seconds ago.)
2. Guys that are fantastic and spontanious and into art and treat me like a human being (with politeness, a few compliments, but no awkward staring or 'are you a lesbian'-interrogations) and then I get their number or email and it turns out they are gay and in a relationship with a boy (been the case about 8 times, which says a lot, because as I said, I don't give out numbers.)
3. Guys that treat you a lot like the number two, but then, once the alcohol kicks in, the nice-guy-filter wears off and they straightup demand your phone-number for their effort and the time they 'put into this' and once you deny the phone-number, they threaten to throw themselves in front of a train (while standing near said-station.)
4. Guys that seem amazing and great and friendly and nice and are not gay and they don't overly sexualize you and seem to be fully able to deal with a human relationship and not a fling and then after a nice conversation with them, it turns out they are either together, engaged, married or otherwise unable to be with you.
Anyone but these, I haven't seen yet, if we're talking potential people to date.
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@Samrtfirdeg
I had an ex that couldn't stand the thought of me 'moving on from him' so he decided to burn my art.
He said that he was missing me and would never get me back, but since I did not miss him, he knew I could care about my art the most.
I told him I'd given him permission to keep my art, or sell it and send me the ones he did not find a good home for. OR send it to me alltogether.
He said that he was going to burn it, since he knew I hated fire (I'd cried once, when he suggested he wanted to be cremated) and because he knew that losing my art would feel like losing a person and that way, he was satisfied, because I'd be suffering like he was.
I would've had so many ways to destroy his mental health if I wanted to, I know exactly what his worst fears are, but I don't want to.
I want him to go to therapy, become nicer and not harm the next lady he goes for.
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@Edelweysss Men should maybe try not to chase women, but pursue them and let the female pick them. Youknow, consensual.
If you want children (which funnily enough, a lot of harassing guys are not interested in. They want to blow their load, not necessarily get some children. A sock is just less fun than a cunt) then you can ask if someone wants to have them. With you. Youknow, rip their genitals in half and bleed out, for your offspring. Ask politely.
You can bring it down to; 'Well, the mamal species do-' etc. but in that case, rape and incest would also be fine. And mothers would lick the butts of their babies clean. And we would be tearing eachother apart for food. Let's not praise animalistic behaviour that much, because not only have we evolved from that, we have evolved FURTHER.
Amongst those evolutions, one of those is that we can talk. We can speak to eachother and we can ask for things.
Women are not necessarily interested in reproducing either. Some just want to sit at home, have a book to read and a nice dog or cat to live with.
They should be able to walk into a bar, without being harassed for their uterus, because of genetics and the urge to blow your load 'procreate.'
The reason that the reply to most female accountability is about getting therapy for the man, is because most men immediately start talking from a point of view that includes 'you owe me-' or 'women owe me-' and 'women owe men-' and 'you can't blame us for-' and that is not how human behaviour works.
You cannot expect the busdriver to park the bus on time (and get upset when he doesn't) but then fully accept that the busdriver has urges and will start mishandling females at a bar, because he has been dumped and wants to blow his load procreate.
I am a single woman and I would like to date a man in the future. I will not be grabbing at asses, yelling about their discosticks and/or telling them that I have the right to take their sperm, because my uterus is empty and I am not as fertile after 40.
In fact, women that want children early, for that reason, seem to scare the living life out of men, whereas females WOULD have a legit reason to plan it that way, since after 40, you are more likely to have severe complications. And yet, females that want a baby, are being seen as creepy, and usually go and have a baby on their own, as not to deal with that shit.
Youknow, it reminds me a bit of ChadChad's stories, she is someone on Youtube that gives funny commentary on Reddit Niceguys stories and youknow, that stuff.
If you ever find yourself bored, give it a try. Or Annamarie Forcino, she made a video on "Nice Girls" and compared the two. You might like that video.
It is called "Nice Girls" Are a Menace to Society. It is a bit of a clickbaity title ofcourse, but hey, good luck.
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I had a friend once, that I'd been talking to for +/- 2 years. I'd met him via a group-website, so sometimes group-msn added him into the list.
We very much had on and off contact on MSN, sometimes a silence for months. And always plain 'hahah, doing laundry what about you?'-conversations.
At one point, I started telling him about this guy I had a crush on. He knew I was hanging out with this guy a lot. He listened to my stories and said something like; 'Ah, yes, sure I mean. Oh I have to go."
I remember saying to my mom that I was so glad I had a male BFF to talk to, about these things. And that it was so great that I could have a guy-friend that respected me and didn't see me as some sortof...well..potential mating-object. It was very nice to know that not every guy had a hidden agenda and some just..youknow. Liked me as a person. For who I was, as a good friend.
Either way, skip to a year later. By this time, we've joined in a group-meeting (he was very polite and offered to pay my 20 euro share, I was a lot younger and did not have a job, I was in school.)
I thank him and tell him it was wonderful, like having a lot of friends. He tells me I should hang out with 2 of his friends and him, at a bar.
I decline, tell him I don't have the money. He offers to pay for it. I accept payment for one dessert, but I insist on paying for my own drinks (water) and we hang out together, all 4 of us.
Half a year later, things are getting serious with the other guy. I talk to my BFF on the phone, distraught, because I was 2 days late and feared I was pregnant (which couldn't even have happened, but what did I know, I was just panicking and not thinking whatsoever.)
I proceeded to tell him EVERYTHING that happened the week before with this other guy and kept asking; Am I pregnant..do you think I might be pregnant?'
He said; 'Gosh, I don't know, get a test.' So I said; 'Thanks, you're the best, I can trust you with anything, I think you're great bye' and got a test and dúh I wasn't pregnant.
Skip to about a year later. We have started talking again, after a long silence on his side and he offers to take me back to the bar, on my birthday and that he has a birthdaygift for me.
I tell him I would love that and that I will craft him a birthdaygift too, since our birthdays are so close together. I tell him how excited I am for mr-serious-now's party next week and he says; 'Uh-huh.'
Skip to two months later, I have finished the birthdaygift (a hand-painted item...don't even remember, it's been 11 years..with a great card and something like a tie with decorations on it, also handmade by me.)
He calls me up, but I tell him I have to hang up the phone, I'm about to visit mr-serious-now's house because he wanted to share some information with me.
BFF says that's alright and we'll talk on Sunday.
Mr-serious-now and I get together and I am screaming and running around in the house. I forget about the former call and instead, dance, run, cry, scream, kiss, cry, hug, run and call my mom.
That end of the weekend, BFF calls back. I pick up the phone and say; 'Hello! Guess what! I have a boyfriend. I am so happy, my first boyfriend, I can't believe it, I am so happy, I thought I'd never get someone, oohh I could cry. I really want to hang out with you soon, I finished the gift for you! You will love it, it's amazing, I-'
And he interrupted me, cursed loudly and hung up. I called back, he didn't answer.
I stood there..flabbergasted about what happened until my at-the-time-boyfriend said; 'He was in love with you, obviously. You just broke his heart.'
I said; 'Does he..does he need some time to work through this? Shall I call him next week?' My now-ex said; 'Eh..no. It was quite clear to me, honestly, didn't you know? You've made clear you're not interested in him, so that's why he's off now."
I said; 'What about our friendship? We were starting to grow, I told him about my paintings, he said he liked my sketches... we hung out together, laughed so much..I was telling jokes and his friends would laugh and joke about each other. I had friends...for once. Is he going to throw that all away because the chance of getting laid is gone? Seriously? Those moments in the bar were just...meant to groom me into liking him that way?'
So my ex tried to explain how the BFF probably wanted to be with me and it'd be miserable for him to watch us love each other and him being the sad..well..watcher.
But at that point, I felt awful. What I wanted was a friend that acknowledged my gender and objectively would find me pretty (or not) as long as he was nice.
Not someone that was ready to throw everything out of the window as soon as his chance of getting some was gone. It's been 11 years and it still bothers me.
Additional shit that happened later:
When I tried to clarify (a year or so ago) to someone else that I was not on the market like that, he stopped talking and was off instantly. No friendship-talk, I truly tried, no time was wasted on a friendship with me.
And another guy smiled, nodded, invited me over to a meeting near his place and said; 'So, are you into women then, do you want a threesome?'
After which one last guy at the bar, sat down and chased the rest away. I thanked him and we talked about how I was practicing juggling and how I loved German movies.
Near the end of the evening, I looked outside and saw it was dark. "I trust you", I said. "Do you want to walk me over to that train station there? I know it's 2 minutes, but it's so dark and midnight..and I see hoodlums walking around."
The guy sighed and said; 'Give me your number."
I was startled and said: 'No."
He said; 'Give me your number or I'll throw myself in front of a train."
I looked at the barlady, but she was busy. I said; 'I'd not do that, if I were you.'
He said; 'So you are not interested?"
I said; 'Hadn't I clarified? I thought you respected that...you said you did."
He gestured with his head to the window and said; 'You can walk on your own then." and ordered another drink.
And so, I walked outside and waited between drunk twenty-somethings and some homeless, in the shivering cold with my summerdress on. The only female on the platform, not very nice.
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My right-neighbour and my across-the-street-neighbour are both investors.
I'm not sure what box they fit in. But the one across the street is nearly 50 and has lost all he had and is currently in such deep debts that his parents are paying the rent.
And the other one gains small amounts of money (like, 2 euro's at a time, about 50 if he puts in a full weekend of work) by buying/selling items that people need, like medical equipment, medication, mouthmasks, desinfectants or other things that people réálly depend on. I asked him if the minimal amounts were worth the Karmapoints he was losing, by upping the price for the people with cancer that needed the medication, but he replied; 'I'm a bastard, yeah, haha', and sipped on his raspberry lemonade, plucking uncomfortably at his AngryBirds-shirt. Great neighbours.
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