Comments by "Cestarian Inhabitant" (@cestarianinhabitant5898) on "Shoe0nHead"
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Once upon a time I spoke without stopping, I have aspergers syndrome so I had to learn the rules of communication manually (i.e. didn't learn it naturally as a child like most do), only one person can talk at a time, so babbling on forever without pause is among men called being a dick. I haven't talked to a lot of girls but I noticed this with my mother the other day, I went for a car ride with her for like 30 minutes, I wanted to tell her "Mom, I applied for college yesterday."
But she kept talking the entire time (about the most mundane shit, how her dentist appointment went... It was a completely normal dentist appointment, there was nothing special about it) until finally I interrupted her just before she dropped me off back home saying "Mom, you know you've been talking so much I haven't really had the opportunity to tell you this, but I'm gonna say it now. I applied for college yesterday".
Anyhow, if women want to remedy this, here's a simple solution: Make sure to pause between every couple of sentences, if people are interested in what you're saying, they will shut up (or maybe even ask: What happened next?) but if they are not, they will swiftly try to change the subject.
And by pause I don't mean "uh, hmm..." (i.e. don't mumble like you're thinking) but " " you just have to stop for 3-5 seconds man... Just give someone else a chance to talk for 3-5 seconds (preferably 5) every once in a while when you're talking.
If you consciously work towards this then in about a year you'll be a much more pleasant person to be around.
Men obviously have communication issues too, like how we usually don't interrupt others while they're speaking and only resort to it after they've babbled for a while, we do this to be nice and more fun to converse with.
But normally we don't talk as if we love our own voice. When I type however, I can as you can see, go on forever.
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There was a lot of truth in this, and I mostly agree, loving yourself especially is something that's been like a mantra for me for a while, but not in getting others to love me, no it's more like "How could I love someone else if I can't even love myself?".
However the problem begins with the fact that nice people get taken advantage of by just about everyone else, even other nice people, it's one of the ways in which the world just seems to work. If being nice is your defining trait as a guy, girls will see that as submissive and in turn they end up becoming dismissive, most girls seem to be not very into guys who seem "nice".
I did like the point where you said you need other qualities, because that is entirely what it's all about in the end, niceness isn't a quality girls seek (but it is one that guys do seek) this truth is spoken by action, not words. Girls can be pretty complicated and one of these complications is that they keep saying they want a nice guy, when they really want a guy who's all that and THEN also nice on top of it all. They say they want a guy with all the dream features, but when they actually meet such a guy they'll turn him down in favor of a more confident, selfish guy, I even know the reasons why that happens but that's beyond this topic.
I made a point of being nice to everyone for a lot of my life and all it got me were backstabs and disappointments, I was setting myself up for failure by expecting just that people would be nice back (I'm not even talking about girls, far from it, I wasn't doing it to get laid, I just wanted good friends...), and in the end I turned bitter, learned to value selfishness, and now after reaching a bit more maturity, I thought about what I wanted, I really wish I could make someone else happy since I can't do it for myself, and failing that, wish I could end up with someone who will share happiness with me. But I know enough about how the world works, I've seen it, coming back to what I said earlier. If I'm openly nice to someone, I get dismissed for it 9/10, maybe even 99/100... Being a bit of a dick or being aloof at least ups your chances a lot if you're a guy, and I don't wanna be that guy, but if I'm not that guy, I'll end up with some bitch who just wants to use me up and then dump me.
So in the end I'm in a catch 22, where I would like to be in a relationship with a nice girl but that will not happen if I am myself and allow myself to be nice (opposites attract and all that just adds to the point too...) and I don't want to just use someone to get the right kind of girl only to hate myself for it. As a result I'm just gonna be lonely probably for life, finding a good match for me seems so hard I'd rather just dig for a needle in a haystack, for kicks, this world is ugly, and there aren't very many people out there who would join me in trying to make it all more bearable, except for the other nice guys but unfortunately for me I'm not gay, not even bi. But I often wish I was, because this girl shit isn't working out for me, not even one night stands, sex without feelings, without passion, is no better than masturbation anyways (I mean it literally, I'd rather be passionately pleasing myself than non-passionately fucking someone, it really does feel nicer)
In the end the only choice for me is mgtow. Not because I particularly want to, but because there's no other sane fucking option. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. But it's not all doom and gloom, I learned to focus my attention on other things, things that give me qualities beyond being 'nice', in spades too... A lot of guys can't get there, believe it or not, but I did, doors are open, I could go get a girlfriend, but ultimately, I think I'll be better off without setting myself up for heartbreak. I'll just do my thing and deal with it.
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