Comments by "" (@CYMotorsport) on "A Collection of Horrible Fates" video.

  1. Edit: to avoid non constructive commentary, a great way to enhance the payoff after finishing would be to include editorial remarks about the heated shack the initial officer could have passed by. Another major thing is the “lakefront” . Through editorial remarks you could position the set up to include talks and descriptions of the lakefront verbiage but the fact that it turns out to be a river is confusing . Maybe description of the river that might make it seem plausible it could be mistaken for a lake might help subconsciously guide the viewers eye. The chief link are the footsteps and the gate. The former conceivably was not set up to show the operation was SO remote that cop was seeing their footprints. Which is kinda proven real time . Bc if that were the case the officer would have followed that lead given how strange it is. Maybe giving some context in just how deserted it really is in hindsight which I suppose may not be true but again that points to why using this as the main lever to create a non linear story somewhat problematic. It’s not the Rosetta Stone so to speak this device needs to land. Same with the gate. There was nothing made of this gate really to make me remember it so upon its return the payoff isn’t there. All this to say, if you simply shifted the officers initial search before you went to a the couple in chronological order, meaning to after you described them as missing, does it devalue the footprint finding and subsequent calling off of the trail? IMO not at all, it might make more sense even. A way to do this as an example and why I even commented bc I do love non Traditional structure is hateful 8. Also not prototypical non linear but in reality it goes in order chapters 5,1,2,3,4,6. Specifically take the coffee pot poisoning. This works because much is made of how famous the coffee is and how much is made of the ONE coffee pot to remove doubt it could be a different pot. That way when we return to the film in a different POV, we don’t need to be told that the reason someone is violently ill is because the person who just was shown to poison this pot later in the film did so a while ago and is responsible for the sickness in the cabin. That’s how you create a payoff. Back to this story: Make this gate stand out if delay this. Describe things in the call mentioned in the setup. 11:33 n of 1, but unsolicited commentary from one writer to another incoming. I’ve noticed this on a few of these lately especially so I assume you have 1 or 2 ppl writing these. This is a very confusing quirk to this persons style whereby this almost non linear storytelling device is used. As someone who writes for money I can see how this would be really useful it’s almost as if though these are 10,000 words and when you condense it down to a more digestible video vehicle, you lose the strength of this. The pay off switching from the cop investigating in the snow downfall only to be cut short isn’t the payoff it should and makes it feel like unrelated events. Especially bc I bet many people are only listening. It’s almost too clever for its specific use case. Listeners realistically are tracking a story of connected dots but when you leap from one detailed account to another entirely unrelated one (at the time unrelated) you start to fatigue the attention. I am writing this paused at triangulation segment bc I found myself straining to try to keep the officer searching bit pinned in my brain. It was written so that in SUPPOSED to remember. Which I think is the difference in a more effective way to do it. This works in longer format or there are subtle links through the story OR most important to this shorter style, If you’re going to deploy this mechanic then include more effective transitions from the cop searching to the story or the couple . It makes the notion of a stark change in story less pronounced while also bridging the gap between the two. By the time you inevitably reveal this cop was searching for the bodies all along or was on the right path or something to that degree, you’ve already overloaded info bank on this story without subtle clue woven in to link them other than snow. So as mentioned, this payoff is already doomed before I’m even there. I’ll leave this comment here and eat crow if proven wrong after This cell tower triangulation but just something to consider that’s all . Fantastic work as always and great surprise upload!
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