Comments by "Rose S" (@roses6564) on "Most people DON'T WANT RELATIONSHIPS: understanding the decline in romantic relationships" video.
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@mrredacted What is my point. OK, but first, apologies for the grammar errors. I edited, maybe the errors threw off some of the meaning.
My point was in reference to your statement that "these days women aren’t interested in working on their relationships because social media has made men so abundant and easily replaceable. "
This is too fuzzy.
If anything, social media has made it abundantly clear how many people one must weed through to find the right match in an overgrown, mixed up, manically diverse society.
The grain of truth in your statement? Women these days DO have the luxury to be more selective, yes. True dat. But the selection is not an easy task.
My rebuttal was that a woman genuinely in love will do ANYTHING for the relationship, and for him, specifically. Believe.
When she is the slightly more adoring party, she'll serve all of his wishes on a silver platter. Men don't exactly do this kind of stuff unless they are simpies with low self esteem.However, a woman in love, even one of the highest value and self esteem, will do exactly that for the man she's in love with.
The Dr. has a video on sex differences on the adorer-adored balance. Right on point.
So I simply disagreed with your statement. What the mass of modern men cannot come to terms with, understandably so, is that women who are NOT in love are no longer forced to compromise, settle, fake respect, look the other way, control mouth, marry under pressure with a man who doesn't inspire, with whom she was never in love with. This was standard throughout history and for many women, it still is.
Due to that draconian fertility/nubility window, and the need to eat, go figure, women have traditionally married what was immediately available, with some lucking into something nice, and many not. Then they kept their mouths shut and served in the role, regardless of how they really felt about him.
As you know, modernity and feminism massively reduced this situation for better (for women) or for worse (for men).
They say "always respect your man!" Of course, no doubt, isn't that what every woman dreams of?
But that's only if my perception of what a worthy man is activates that respect. This is subjective and varies widely from one woman to another. Given respect is earned, not due by default, many husbands simply fail to earn the respect and admiration of their wives. It's that simple. The woman can't help it.
If she realizes she married a quasi-moron, she can't force herself to respect him for real. She may be able to fake it and keep her mouth shut, but these days, she doesn't have to anymore, bc she doesn't fear starvation or spinsterhood opprobrium. (See the Charlotte/Mr. Collins pair in Austen's P&P). If she is sincerely not impressed, the respect is just not going to happen.
Men cannot understand that a woman needs to be impressed with him, in awe of him, adoring him - to express sincerely the kind of behavior all men seem to demand from a wife by virtue of role: unwavering admiration, zero criticism, zero complaining and nagging, zero demands for the guy to meet her needs bc he's busy watching football, etc).
Men can't accept this admirative "free lunch" is simply no longer possible by marriage default.
If you want a woman eager to work on the relationship (by which you mean adapt to whatever the guy wants), you must find one whom you managed to impress and make her fall head over hills in love with you - genuinely. Then you will get your wish.
But this ain't gonna from the woman who felt pressured into marriage by fertility fears and cat lady threats. Many modern women still settle, much like those in the past did. This is not because they all want those 10% rich studs, but because it is very difficult to weed through the millions of mixed up people to find one's right, actual match.
If you are with a woman who is sincerely in love with you, I promise you - I PROMISE! - she will do anything for you. Women in love are professional pleasers. Like puppy dogs. A man in love could not come anywhere close to that level of devotion.
Best wishes.
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Unlike predecessors, modern humans have the luxury to reject real life relationships based on strict transactionalism. An IRL relationship must make “PiES” sense to happen and last: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connection. Otherwise, it’s simply not worth it as resources can be exchanged in simulated situations, as noted. Simply put: people want true love and connection from a relationship. If the substance is not there, which has been the case with most relationships/marriages throughout history, they can eat and F outside of commitment. Humanity is moving beyond marriage/commitment as mere transaction and practicality, then rationalizing love into that. Love must be there first, but reciprocated true love is extremely difficult to find. When two people find it, they’re often both trapped in transactional relationships. There is a tendency to move past that, even at the risk of people never getting married. It must be for the right reasons, and last for the right reasons too.
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