Comments by "Rose S" (@roses6564) on "The truth about good relationships: tea over rice" video.

It doesn't matter what it "looks" like to the world. It matters how it feels. If it's good, it does not feel boring and dull.
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@orangeandslinky Of course it isn't. She was unhappy for a long time, you didn't pay attention because men don't know how, one day she decides this must stop, especially if a sane alternative exists. And she is right.
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Wrong. A good relationship must bring a sense of joy, goodness of fit, security and peacefulness. It makes one feel that life is worth living. Quit trying to groom the young into accepting subpar relationships in the "misery loves company" tradition.
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What you describe is not "boring." Please quit spreading misinformation. You and Taraban here.
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Passion about? This must be specified. If the passion is mostly for each other's genital and stuff and the rest is Halo effect, then no. If the passion is about actual holistic goodness of fit, then yes. The relationship feels right in all ways which is why the two become "passionate" about the whole situation. Most of all, the relationship brings JOY all around: physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. It is also comfortable and secure, with a sense that one could never replace the partner. That's the recipe. Not boring. People will take his advice here at their own peril.
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Re-posting a reply to a misguided poster who perpetuates the confusion. Says she: "Boring is a catch line I suppose…. We are boring (minimal drama) and love spending do nothing (aka boring) time together. If I am bored, I tell him we need to do something outside of the house…. He knows that I need social interactions beyond him. And he knows, I will find others to do things with in he is busy or uninterested in my activities." REALITY: Boring does not equate "minimal drama." This is NOT an example of boring relationship, people! Come to your senses. This is well matched, comfortable, peaceful, secure, at ease. People have no idea how horrifying a boring, dull relationship can be and how it can wreak havoc on mental health over the long term, despite no egregious behavior on either side. "Boring" comes form poor matching, lack of deeper connection, differences in fabric and wiring, failure to get on the same "wavelength," lack of intellectual/spiritual chemistry, etc. Differences of ilk! Conversations that don't flow well or satisfy can be a symptom. When you meet someone who does fit it is like "I was blind and now I see." But then it is often too late or too..."wrong" by society's standards, "moral" codes, etc If you can ignore them, do. It is irresponsible for Taraban to use such a poor choice of words (go for "boring"!), since it risks encouraging many unseasoned souls to make incredibly poor relationship choices that sound excellent on paper. Man or woman, if you heart tells you it feels "boring" - RUN. Everything else is rationalization. End of story. Don't do that to another human, including yourself, if you don't have a metaphorical gun to your head (some people do). I re-posted this one so more can read it. Saving lives here, you are welcome.
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100% wrong. A good relationship is both peaceful and joyful. If it feels dull and unsatisfying, run.
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This is the worst video yet by the otherwise brilliant Dr. Taraban. 97% phenomenal content, 3% absolutely wrong and this is part of that 3%. One of humanity's worst errors is to believe that the opposite of something bad is good. It isn't. Both can be bad. Here we see the contrast of "drama" and "boring" and we are assured that if a relationship feels boring it is good because it doesn't have drama. No one bothers to define "boring," but we can rest assured the average normie, especially the young, will take it at face value: it's boring when it literally feels boring and that's supposed to be a sign that it is "right" and free of headaches. Little do they know this is the breeding ground for a giant headache later on down the road. This is how people rationalize themselves into "appropriate/by the textbook" relationships that should have never been initiated, let alone continued. Decades are lost this way, basically a life. REALITY: Both drama and boring relationships are BAD. Do yourself a favor, Dr. Taraban, and say it again. Everyone else, do not buy this piece of advice, it's one of the worst things you can do to yourself and that woman. Good relationships based on holistic compatibility DO NOT feel boring. Ever. Even under the most mundane and uneventful of circumstances. They feel peaceful AND joyful. "At home." Like the two belong together and nothing is missing even though in practice, just abut everything may be missing: money, conventional fun, social approval, etc. If it's full of drama - run. If it feels boring/dull - also run! Stay only if it feels both joyful and peaceful. These too are forms of "excitement" about life. A boring relationship drains the life out of the person slowly, until there's only an empty shell left. If men want relationships with women, as opposed to other men, dogs, furniture or other type of matter, why don't they ask women about the schools of relationship thought they come up with? You would think, huh. They make schools of thought, congregate to congratulate each other on their validity, then impose them on women and wonder why they don't work. No woman alive wants her relationship to feel "boring" which doesn't mean she demands to live in drama, trips to Monaco, sex on the lamp, and other ridiculous definitions of "exciting." But if the R truly feels boring and dull, you already lost it. It's just a matter of time. Mark my words. One day she might find the right person - the kind that brings joy, peacefulness and the right fit - and she will drop you like a dull potato, as she should. Good relationships = JOY, including when the two sit side by side watching paint dry. Anything less is hazardous to marriage. Believe.
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100% correct.
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It was a very poor choice of words on his part. Joyful first. Peaceful. Comfortable. Secure. High goodness of fit. Reciprocal understanding. Raises life from "getting by" to "happy to be alive." Horrible video he made. It's related to his decision to convince himself he should marry an F-able dull woman who will mind her wifely business while he goes to get his intellectual kicks from talking to bros about quantum physics and Shakespeare (see another video). Universe: Duuuuuuuude!.....
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@Brymerius The biggest troll on this page is Dr. Taraban himself. He dropped the brick with this one. I am a fan of his work and I think 97% of his stuff is absolutely priceless. Not this one.
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That's not boring. Please don't parrot Dr. Taraban here. He has no ideas what he's talking about in this one. He is so wrong it's not even funny. Consistent and reliable does NOT equal "boring." Boring is boring. Dull. Off wavelength with you. Disconnected from you. Devitalized. Lethargic. Lacking in joy of living. Unresponsive. Unenthusiastic. Poor imagination. Goes through motions. Has few ideas about what to do and where to go, beyond functioning on auto-pilot. This is not "reliable" and "consistent" even if the person may be that too. Trust me, you don't want anyone with those traits just bc they are reliable and consistent. Some of the most inspirational, exciting people are both reliable and consistent because they are of high interior caliber. People need to get their notions straight.
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Perfect. Thank you!
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If it's drama there's poor fit. They don't create it out of the blue. They create it bc they want something from you that you cannot offer but neither can they get it from somewhere else, so they start shaking your boat. Move on.
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I wouldn't call it "simple." It's simple if the two are simple. Two complex thinkers are not "simple" so their relationship will be complex and multidimensional too. But yes to calming and restorative, but especially joyful.
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Peace does not equal boring. Joy does not equal drama.
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@legiontepes3474 Right, but not to their own facts. "Peace is different from boring" is a fact. If you feel bored and dull in a relationship, you are not at peace.
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@orangeandslinky Yes, of course, bc all men, and all women, and all relationships have been created equal. What foolishness. He is not you, his relationship is not your relationship. She may or she may not. He may or he may not. People CAN meet another who redefines reality for them. You have zero predictive abilities.
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@firstLast-jw7bm The best you can do is an ad hominem instead of focusing on text. Are you denying that woman had most probably been unhappy for a long time? This is what typically happens. It doesn't come out of the blue. It is incredible how arrogant many men can be that they cannot bring themselves to accept the idea they can make a woman so miserable for so long they eventually drive her out. What part of she walked out you don't understand? Solipsism is when you manage to convince yourself that she just must have been crazy (arbitrary stuff) instead of accepting the reality that the man was making her deeply unhappy. So she left. Count the ducks in front of you.
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No, it isn't amazing. It's misguidance of great proportions.
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@twopastsix True. And this is exactly why to encourage people to get into relationships that FEEL boring to them is to teach them how to ignore their own truth. What a snazzy idea.
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@mitthrawnuruodo1730 He should have NEVER used the word BORING. EVER. Historically this school of thought has caused a lot more misery than the valuation of passion, encouraging the young to not hesitate to settle for "proper" relationships because they are guaranteed to work long term through "commitment" or some other "respectable/traditional" nonsense like this, or other substitute for the soundness of an actual good match. The young can easily fall into this trap and waste decades of life on a relationship that God/Nature never intended. Yet people go to the altar pretending God "ordained it" just bc a minister mumbles some words and they say "vows" - and that's gonna make it all long-lasting magic. Lord, humans are dumb.
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@avn33__44 A well-matched relationship not only NEVER gets boring, but it gets increasingly meaningful, bonded, and satisfying over the ling term to where the tow literally cannot live without each other, psychologically speaking. It's exciting simply by "being" - having that person next to you. If you need constant novelty to feel alive (new people all the time), and if all your relationships tend to get less "exciting" over time, so you need "morality" to keep you hitched to someone, then you are a superficial- a ** person who doesn't need to dispense advice to people of substance. People of some caliber build meaningful, pair-bonded relationships over time PROVIDED the original match was right. If it wasn't, they tend to grow apart eventually since the lameness of the original choice surfaces and they recognize the mistake.
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Glory to you, hallelujah! If only more could understand the point you are making! You said it in two lines better than I ever could. Look back to previous generations, but not on 1950's commercials. The day-to-day reality of those relationships, women on valium, etc. Does that look good to people? Then go for it and blame no one later.
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Whose decency and tranquility? Those of a man they feel no attraction for? This is what you would like, wouldn't you.
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Fantastic. Except that what you are describing here does NOT qualify as a "boring" relationship.
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@karlsmith9186 You implied it by replying to this video.
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@karlsmith9186 He emphatically used the word BORING and this can be dangerously confusing to many. They rationalize what their instincts clearly tell them is a "No" bc the relationship is quiet and drama-free on paper. The heart and the intuition are there for a reason and if they say Boring, it's a BIG NO NO. You're young. Don't do anything foolish. But if there is genuine enjoyment between you and your friend that that is anything but a boring relationship, so it has nothing to do with what he advocates here.
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It's a giant pile of horse poop. Good relationships are both peaceful AND joyful. They are NOT boring. There is a sense that life is worth living next to that person; so yes, there's a certain degree of excitement even in the most uneventful lifestyle. The R doesn't feel dull and disconnected. Just bc two partners can be polite, quiet and accommodating towards each other, and drama-free, does not mean they have a quality relationship. When people stumble on a good relationship they know it bc they literally fall in love. No, that doesn't mean falling in lust and going crazy.
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@lanceroparaca1413 People of some substance know instinctively when a relationship is the right one. THAT IS "falling in love."
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@ For a good reason. Millions of people leave unfulfilling marriages for an excellent one where they find meaning and peace - and that's a blessed thing, costs and all. There is such a thing as the Sanctity of Divorce too.
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@ 'Cause you say so. It is absurd and unrealistic to think that everyone will KNOW they can do "''til death do us part" when they say it. Who you are at point A may not be the same person as who you are at point B, so it's "cut your nose to spite your face." In fact, strip this mindset of its free will pretenses and you will get the sinister vibe. Speaking of evil. Life is not static, neither is human consciousness. The "stay at any cost" mentality is one of the most grotesque Utopias humanity has ever been indoctrinated with, which is why divorce appears evil to you. It's the dogma that causes unimaginable harm and suffering by robbing people of life. No one wants to divorce when it is not necessary. They need out - and it is not for you to question their motive. It is a sane measure that can restore life for many people. Otherwise, if your concern is money, a spouse who wants out almost always contributed something to the marriage economically, so you give to Ceaser what's Ceaser's and try to wrap mind around the reality that you cannot trap an autonomous soul into a union with you just bc you parrot dogma. Not even if you can hold a contract over their head.
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@ Most women work - inside or outside the home, or both. They contribute. Very few parasite off of a rich dude to divorce for cash. So why not skip the victimhood here? If I didn't know better I would say: "Find someone who loves you and would stay with you regardless, married or not!" but I do, since such things cannot be found on command. But just in case you find it, advice: drop the "contractual wife" you speak of and get the love instead. Thank me later.
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@ Throw an insult, solve a problem. Nice "civilization" you got there. Good luck continuing to trap people in marriages that destroy mental health so you can continue to build your "Civilization" 1.0. How 'bout an upgrade? Make one even more civilized. If you think divorced/re-married people can't build civilization, you'd be wrong. Let me know how those attempts at repealing No-Fault Divorce work out for you. But you know what's funny here? You are speaking with a married woman never divorced who voted Trump. Hilarious. But I can promise you - regardless of personal status, whoever tells you that trapping people in an "institution" and depriving them of their autonomy and freedom in private matters is "good for civilization," hasn't figured out a better civilization yet. (Flirts a bit with slavery if you get my drift).
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@ Throw an insult, solve a prb. Nice Civ you got there. Divorced/re-married people can easily build civilization. Come up with Civ 2.0. You are literally proposing that humans should be deprived of their autonomy and freedom to exit a relationship that destroys their mental health. Would you really want to continue to share life with a woman who cannot stand you anymore? How do you wrap mind around that? Or do you just want to make sure she doesn't walk away with any of what you perceive to be YOUR money, and foe the rest of your life, you can ignore each other in the house? Analyze THAT.
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