Comments by "Rose S" (@roses6564) on ""My needs AREN'T BEING MET": why this is one of my least favorite phrases" video.
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We're not miserable serfs from Europe anymore, much as we fancy we could be. Modern people need psychologically fulfilling relationships. If a partner doesn't meet an important need - yes, there's such thing- as it is relevant to current material realities, than that relationship makes no sense. We can't pretend we're medieval serfs who should be fine enough with a relationship where both people get to eat. This is absurd. All that talk about how both should do a, b, c is just that: prescription talk. The reality is in many marriages one or both can't tune into the other due to poor compatibility, unequal yoke, as the Bible puts it, unequal abilities, different wave lengths, birds of different Feathers. etc. Then there will be misery and unmet needs. If sex is missing, you can't invite that person to just meet his/her own needs. I mean, one can do that or go without, but it is especially frustrating in a partnership. Same for conversational and emotional intimacy needs. These are not whims and wants just bc they're not food and the serfs would have done OK without them. Where there's compatibility, the two meet each other's needs relatively effortlessly. Non-brute life is also about thriving, not just surviving. A person whose partner deprives them of what is naturally expected in a relationship is not well. Neither is that relationship so it needs to go.
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Major stretch here. The distinction between needs and wants is real. Just because some people abuse it doesn't make it any less real.
A person who is consistently denied sex has an unmet need.
Likewise, a cerebral person who is consistently denied meaningful communication and intellectual connection in the relationship (when they are someone wired with this need) - has an unmet need too. No, they can't get it met by "taking a college course" and other nonsense like this. They need it from and in the relationship. When the other person consistently demonstrates they cannot or will not meet that very important, natural need (it's not a want), the one with the unmet need is literally tortured and their mental health declines, which is equivalent of abuse, be it not intentional.
These things are not whims. They are not "I want to go to Paris."
That doesn't mean partners with unmet needs should walk around telling everyone what a jerk their spouse is for not meeting their needs. There's such thing as decorum, but that doesn't change the reality that person walks around with unmet relational needs which can become unbearable in the context of a relationship. At that point, the person starts questioning whether they may not be better off alone - although often material and familial considerations prevail, because Maslow 1 comes first, and so do children.
Some people simply have partners poorly suited for them and they eventually must make the decision to leave if a better option presents itself.
If not, they remain with that need unmet and poor quality of life, but keep the material basics.
It's still preferable to "unmet need + financial insecurity."
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